Do you find yourself saying, "I just NEED to find more balance this year." Today, I'll be sharing the secrets of how I "do it all". (Ha! Yea right!) Instead, I wanna share the keys to setting realistic goals for balance this year.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
*The misconception of having equal parenting responsibilities *How to set up attainable parenting goals that resonate with your family's needs.
✨Want more?
1) If you are in a space where you REALLY DESIRE SPACE FOR REJUVENATION, join me on the DAY OPTION, or OVERNIGHT option of the "Rooted and Reaching - Sustainable Parenting Glamping Women's Retreat."
Do you find yourself saying, "I just NEED to find more balance this year." Today, I'll be sharing the secrets of how I "do it all". (Ha! Yea right!) Instead, I wanna share the keys to setting realistic goals for balance this year.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
*The misconception of having equal parenting responsibilities *How to set up attainable parenting goals that resonate with your family's needs.
✨Want more?
1) If you are in a space where you REALLY DESIRE SPACE FOR REJUVENATION, join me on the DAY OPTION, or OVERNIGHT option of the "Rooted and Reaching - Sustainable Parenting Glamping Women's Retreat."
Hello, friend, welcome to episode 39 of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast and, as this is the first week of 2024, we're talking about the beautiful balance parenting goals in 2024. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We feel that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective and, for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome, as it is the new year, we're talking about the beautiful balance parenting goals for the new year, and I want to share my secrets of how I do it all. Do all the things that I want to do most of the time. Just kidding, I'm totally pulling your chain. There is no way I want to talk to you about realistic goals for this year so that you don't set a bunch of lofty like goals that just leave you feeling really disappointed in yourself and beating yourself up. So let's dive in, friend. I do think that it is really possible to meet many of your goals for life, but let's do so in a realistic way.
Speaker 1:
One of the best advice that I got once, when I was early in parenting, was that this myth of having it all, this myth of having balance that feels like equal in every way, is totally false. The bottom line is we can have many wonderful things in our lives, but we may not be able to have them all at once. For instance, when you're in the very earliest years of parenting, it just may not be in the cards to also achieve all of your grandest goals with your career or the longest, most extravagant trips with your partner. Will there be a time for that? Absolutely, but perhaps not in those very early years. We have so much equipment, diapers, etc. To be managing. Now I know that people do these things. People do just like pull off the best year of their career while having young kids or go on a giant trip and we watch them on Instagram or Facebook and we can feel really jealous, or less than if you're not pulling that off, and I just want to leave space here in this moment with you to say that is a rare, rare, rare exception To the rule that those people are able to pull those things off. And if you are not in that space, you are more in the majority, my friend, and you're definitely in the majority with me.
Speaker 1:
So how do we have balance in some form in this new year in parenting? A couple of key tips that I want to give you today that I think could give you a really positive, realistic way to set some goals for this year. Number one balance is the not about equality. Balance is not about equality. Number two you can have all the things, but maybe not all at the same time. Number three let's really focus in on what matters. Number one balance does not equal equality.
Speaker 1:
When me and my husband were before having kids, in that timeframe of our relationship it was way easier to have a pretty good sense of equality. We were an egalitarian relationship. We took turns cooking. We took turns shared in the cleaning and choosing what we were going to do for our events hosting when we had kids. We thought it would be pretty equal and then reality set in. It was like you know what? There is never an equal 50-50 between us. It's a teeter-totter between 60-40 one way, 70-30 the other and back and forth. We try to make sure the pendulum keeps going back and forth so that there's a sense of fairness, but it's not equal 50-50.
Speaker 1:
If you've had the expectation that somehow you're going to very equally take turns on the diapers very equally, take turns on feedings very equally, be with the kids on the weekend while the other person goes to do some self-care time with a friend. It could turn into tip for tat like measuring stick that is just like well, you had 40 minutes yesterday, why did you only get two hours yesterday and I'm only getting 40 minutes today? That's not fair, that's not equal. We got to look at the big picture and know that balance does not necessarily mean equal and seek to have some grace for yourself and your partner. If you're meeting your overall goals, like of what you'd like to have in your life, if one person's thing is two hours one week, perhaps down the road you'll be taking a weekend off with some friends, and that all it all can level out in the big, big, big picture. And plus, we're trying to be a parenting team, not a competition. So first thing is do not let your thoughts of balance mean you're looking for equal. Second thing is to be able to know that you can have all the things, but maybe not all at once. You can have all the things, but maybe not all at once means you know, I remember telling my husband once that I wanted to be a full-time stay-at-home mom and I wanted to be continuing the road of teaching some courses online or in person, and I was wanting to volunteer in all of these organizations and I was wanting to start up my counseling business and be working with parents again.
Speaker 1:
And he was not trying to be a naysayer, but he's just a little more realistic and was like let's really look at the number of hours in the day and also just like how much you're already feeling taxed just in your role in being a stay-at-home mom and what would that really look like to do those things all at once versus is there space to pursue those things a little down the road? And that is what I chose. I took a few years to be a stay-at-home mom and do volunteer work a lot, and now I'm in the phase where I'm doing a lot more building my business and the volunteer work and I have less time with my kids because they're school-aged and they're in elementary school, and so I just encourage you to take a look at is there anything that's on my list that I want to do that? Yes, I want to do it. Yes, I deserve to do it, but this may not be the exact right season where it's going to be realistic and life-giving and joy-bringing, with all the factors that I'm trying to do at once. And finally, I want you to really focus in on what truly matters, and nobody else gets to define this for you. Do not let any shoulds I know that I should do this, or my mother-in-law said I should do that, or my best friend said that I should do this. Don't let any of those dictate what matters to you and friend.
Speaker 1:
This was one of the hardest parts for me because in that season where I was choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, sometimes I felt people in my life were pressuring me to think that I should be building more in my career. And in the season where I have been doing more in my career, sometimes my mom or other people make me feel some guilt about not doing more with my kids, and so we cannot let anyone else guilt us and give us shoulds. You know what they say is, if you're shoulding on yourself, that sounds a lot like something else and that's not the healthiest drive or most productive, positive drive for a reason to do something. So I encourage you to pause and if you're talking about the things you plan to do this year, there's any should word coming up? Well, I should just drop it. It's not a reason to do something.
Speaker 1:
If you're saying should, that is a sign that it doesn't really matter to you. It just matters to someone or something else in your social system, in your mind's eye, that's directing you to think that should be a goal. So, as you set your goals, truly pause and even write down what are the three most important things to me in this season of life I'm in. Is it my physical health relationship? Having things feel as easy as possible, like kind of having some ease in the pace of life? Then that will guide what we choose to do.
Speaker 1:
So when we're setting a goal that's truly aligned with our values, then it usually starts with the words I want to blank or I'm choosing to blank this year. So, friend, I would love to encourage you to think about these three key principles as you set out to have balance in this year of 2024. And, as always, if you're looking for a way to have more ease in your parenting, more joy and connection with your kids and partner in your family life, I would love to be a part of getting you there as quickly as possible. This is the work I love to do in parent coaching, and all it takes is reaching out via a link in the show notes and we set up a call and talk about how that could look moving forward. In the meantime, friends, please make this another day where you're parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time, so that parenting can finally feel sustainable.