INTRO: You're listening to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. And today we're talking about the quick and easy way to get your kids to listen, even when you're absolutely exhausted. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time. and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective. And for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome.
Flora McCormick: So I know that whether you're a full time stay at home parent, or you are working full time and parenting or something in between those two in a mix that you have a lot on [00:01:00] your plate and that you likely get really exhausted by how much is being expected of you between your workplace, or your family, or your partner, or your mom, or your sister, or your friends, and your children, and your dog, and your on and on and on the list goes, right?
And that we have to be realistic. Sometimes we hear parenting advice that's like, okay, here's how to sit down and validate your child's feelings for 45 minutes until they feel better. And you're like, well, what do I do with my other three kids that are running around and screaming and hitting each other over there?
I'm like, okay. Or what do I do when I just have to get out the door? Today's episode is for you. These are the two easy things that you can do to get your kids to listen when you are totally maxed out, you have no brain capacity to be very creative, and you want them to be cooperating. Now, I have to be clear, this is not like a solve everything, [00:02:00] absolutely, this is going to work for every personality in every situation, but these two quick tricks are my go to's when I'm exhausted, and they work at least 50 percent of the time, so I take those odds for moments when I am exhausted, instead of screaming, losing my cool, then being really bummed at myself, um, I recommend trying these instead.
So the two quick, easy ways to get your kids to listen even when you're exhausted is this, the first is asking instead of telling, and the second is the magic 30 second solution. That first one of asking instead of telling sounds like this. We go away from our normal habit of just repeating what we need to have happen and like being really serious about it.
Do you ever get that way? Like the more you have to have something happen and the more tired you are, the more like stern and serious you get thinking that somehow that's going to really engage the kids in listening. [00:03:00] And don't get me wrong about a third of the kids out there that may work for you're like super type a cooperative, want to please people.
Kids are going to be like, yes, mommy, I want to do this thing for you because I can tell that you're having a hard time. But the other two thirds of kids that might be extra sensitive or strong willed and like to have a sense of control, this backfires. Am I right? Okay, parent after parent that I work with in parent coaching, they're the ones that come to me that have those other two thirds of kids.
They say to me, you know, my friend's kid will just listen when my friend says, you know, here's what we need to do. And my kid could care less. The more I'm like, here's what you need to do. Please do it. They'll just ignore me. They'll say something silly, or they're just downright do the thing I exactly told them not to do.
It's. So frustrating and defeating. Friend, it is not you. It is that that's just the nature of about two thirds of kids that are out there. So the quick fix, instead of [00:04:00] just repeating and nagging and pushing their buttons of defiance. I want you to ask, what does that mean? It doesn't mean, Hey, can you, and then saying what you want them to do.
It's getting creative. What positive discipline calls curiosity questions, trying things that start with a what. A how or a where. A what, a how or a where. So, instead of this list of get your teeth brushed, pick up your backpack, get your plate off the table, stop fighting with your brother, don't whine. I'm going to say things like, where does your backpack belong?
What are you missing in order to be warm outside? Where does our coat belong? What was our agreement about what to do with the dish after? Dinner, or wait a minute, where does our dish belong, and how [00:05:00] can you say that so I can hear you? How could you and your sister solve that? Notice what you're thinking, feeling, or deciding on the listener side.
Are you more engaged to want to be cooperative with me on the first list of things or on the second list of things? Time and again, as I work with parents, they say the second, and it's true for our kids. If we can be creative about asking instead of telling, it empowers them. It makes them feel like an equal and it engages their brain in coming up with the answer.
And my friend, the magic that I love about it is it usually gets them to cooperate without as much struggle. So asking instead of telling. Another thing you could do in terms of asking instead of telling is tell them what needs to happen, but then give two choices of options of how to make it fun. So time for bath time.
Do we want to go right side up or upside down? [00:06:00] Time to get to the car. Do we want to hop like bunnies or skip like gazelles? Hey, it's time to cross the street together. Do we want to hold hands and stand really close to each other while we walk or do we want to have really wide away from each other arms flying together while we're holding hands across the intersection?
So I can say what needs to happen, but I give a what way do you want to do it kind of option. Should we do it this way or that way? You can also do this with timers. So many young kids love timers. Older kids find it condescending, but kids typically under 7 think it's really fun to say, Do you think we could do this in 3 minutes or 4 minutes?
Let's set the timer and find out. Or do you think we could beat our record from yesterday? You know, it was 2 minutes and 45 seconds to clean up all these blocks. So anything that can use questions to get their brain thinking of the answer, those curiosity questions, or questions that [00:07:00] say, here's what's going to happen, but do you want to do it this way or that way?
Putting their brain on choice. This, my friends, saves so much energy when I'm exhausted. And you may say, but I can't be that creative when I'm exhausted. I get it friend, but I'm telling you, if you've been in a mindset, like I'm too tired to be creative in that kind of way, I want to tell you to think about it differently.
Like I am too tired to not use a little creativity. I don't want to have the battle. I'm too tired to just have all this pushback. So I'm going to use the creativity to hope it will get them on board quicker and more easily. And the second really easy quick fix when I am exhausted and my kids aren't cooperating or they're emotional or they're bickering with each other about silly things or they're battling with me about what I'm asking and they're just whiny and mopey or clingy is to pull them on my lap and give a 30 second silent.
Hug. [00:08:00] This is what I call the 30 second magic quick fix. It just solves so many things. I can't even describe the number of scenarios it has solved in my family. One coming to mind is my child not wanting to go to school. And of course, does he bring that up at all, all morning long? No, it's like, we've gone through the morning.
I think everything's going great. And then like five seconds before it feels like we're about to walk out the door. He's like, I don't want to go today. I'm like, Oh my god, I can't do this right now. But if I have no time to battle, I always lean into a silent hug. Whether I have five seconds or the full 30 seconds, it is often my best fix towards things going better, requiring the least amount of my energy.
Drop the words, drop anything that you are doing, and just pull them on your lap. And have a silent hug. [00:09:00] Maybe during that hug, you might find yourself taking a deep breath and they might follow you.
But other than that, just that silent hug. So friend, these are my two favorite easy ways to start having a kid listen, even when I'm super exhausted and have nothing to give in terms of seeking for, you know, complicated parenting strategies, but I really, really want them to be cooperating. I hope this is helpful to you today.
And as always, please be sure that you have. Subscribe so that you don't miss an episode. And then if this was helpful today, click right now to share it with a friend or family member, because it's our goal here at Sustainable Parenting to continue to grow and especially to serve 200 families in a personalized way through parent coaching this year in 2024.
Friend, let this be another [00:10:00] week where you are parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time so that parenting finally feels sustainable.