🎙️ Are you feeling stuck in parenting challenges lately? Ever felt like you're spinning in circles with your kids?
This episode dives into how to break free and create sustainable solutions together! Discover the 'wrong P word' keeping you trapped and learn to shift from frustration to purposeful action. Embrace hardships, set firm boundaries, and foster mutual respect.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL KNOW: 🌟Why you're feeling stuck 🌟How to balance kindness and firmness 🌟Realistic tips for lasting change.
✨Want more?
1) If you are in a space where you REALLY DESIRE SPACE FOR REJUVENATION, join me on the DAY OPTION, or OVERNIGHT option of the "Rooted and Reaching - Sustainable Parenting Glamping Women's Retreat."
🎙️ Are you feeling stuck in parenting challenges lately? Ever felt like you're spinning in circles with your kids?
This episode dives into how to break free and create sustainable solutions together! Discover the 'wrong P word' keeping you trapped and learn to shift from frustration to purposeful action. Embrace hardships, set firm boundaries, and foster mutual respect.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL KNOW: 🌟Why you're feeling stuck 🌟How to balance kindness and firmness 🌟Realistic tips for lasting change.
✨Want more?
1) If you are in a space where you REALLY DESIRE SPACE FOR REJUVENATION, join me on the DAY OPTION, or OVERNIGHT option of the "Rooted and Reaching - Sustainable Parenting Glamping Women's Retreat."
You're listening to episode 55 of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast and today we're going to talk about what it means to suffer with a purpose in parenting. Now, many people think this feels a little odd, out of place. What are you talking about? I love my child, I want this child, my child's amazing. Why would I think of any time with them as suffering? But here's what I mean we can get in rhythms with our kids where we want to avoid any sort of upsets. We don't like when they start crying and tantruming or arguing and pushing with us, and so we start to avoid the things that cause them to be upset. And then people come to me with those issues and say, like this is like making me not enjoy parenting. And I say to that person it sounds like you're suffering in circles and we need to get you on track where you're suffering with a purpose instead Not sure how or why or what I mean. That's what today is all about. Let's dive in. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective and, for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome.
Flora McCormick:
What it means is, first of all, if you have frustrations with your kids, like they don't sit at the dinner table or they don't eat anything and then they're snacking all evening long because they didn't eat any dinner and they're starving, or you have had times that they just are often fighting in the car with each other. Or you find that you're trying to get out the door every morning just involves 75 reminders and nagging each other. Or you find that you're trying to get out the door every morning just involves 75 reminders and nagging and repeating. Or you have to just do it for them. You've tried to initiate chores, but it just like so much whining and complaining that it's like fine, you just let it go. Or they beg so much for TV or video game time or games on a phone or iPad that you end up just not wanting to have another battle. All of that is suffering in circles. You are frustrated and yet the solutions of how you're handling it are never making it better. It's like Groundhog's day. How come again we're battling over tech time? How come again. We're battling over the what you need to eat for dinner and what you can eat in the evening, again about how you're handling things with your sibling, again about what you are upset about in the car and you're screaming at me.
Flora McCormick:
Why are we in circles and circles again and again? If you can relate to any of those examples, friend, you are suffering in circles. Let's face it.
Flora McCormick:
There is suffering in parenting and there's some suffering that we can't avoid. I'm going to say again we love our amazing kids. Don't get me wrong. I all I ever wanted was to be a mom and I still. It's my favorite thing that I get to do in the world and I'm going to be honest.
Flora McCormick:
There are parts that include the feeling of suffering, like changing diapers again and again and again. And right after you just changed a child into their nice last outfit that you have and they have an explosion everywhere and you have no clothes left to give them. We can't avoid that kind of suffering. We cannot avoid the suffering of needing to carry a child around until they're able to walk and how that hurts our back and that hurts you know our lifestyle to have to take strollers everywhere. There is.
Flora McCormick:
There's many areas of parenting with struggle that we cannot avoid. What I want to help you with is the parts of parenting that are hard, that you actually can avoid. And here's the biggest myth that I see people doing they stay stuck suffering in circles. Why? Why are they suffering in circles? Because they are focused on the wrong P word. Why are people focused on the wrong P word? Because somehow I don't know how this got into so much of our language we think that if we are struggling with our kids' upsets and their way that they're pushing against our boundaries, that we are the problem, that somehow we need to change and be either more permissive or more patient. No-transcript and no, I don't want that to be where you end up.
Flora McCormick:
There is a third option. It's not patience, permissiveness versus explosions. What you, what will help you to have less of the suffering in circles, is to start suffering with a purpose. That middle place is that you understand how you want to kindly and firmly have clear boundaries kind and firm, clear boundaries and you start being consistent about agreements in advance. Follow through and what your clear expectations are of your kids. Follow through and what your clear expectations are of your kids and you start to see a difference.
Flora McCormick:
Now don't get me wrong. It is hard to be consistent, absolutely. It is hard to remain kind and firm. There's probably some part inside of you that's like I don't like being as firm. It's hard for me because I see them upset about it, or some part of you that's like it's hard to bring in kindness and have to like talk about feelings. I just want to say do the thing and have them do it. So I get it. It is hard, it takes effort to change our habits and grow wherever we're lacking so we can be kind and firm at the same time. But it's so worth it, friend, that's suffering with a purpose, putting that work in. As one mom said, man, it's just so nice now that I've got this kindness and firmness, bedtimes are so much more enjoyable because I notice I'm not feeling guilty trying to make up for the blowing up at them throughout the day.
Flora McCormick:
Me and my husband have made agreements in advance together and we both follow through, and even though those times when the kids are upset about our follow through, we have been able to support each other more. We used to step on each other's feet, taking over each other's decisions, and he'd be so exhausted from work and I was exhausted from being with the kids all day. I didn't want to have to make decisions. But now we're on the same team and it's gotten better. The kids are listening better. That's what Jenna had to say. So there is a difference.
Flora McCormick:
Why do we end up suffering in circles for so many different reasons? Usually it's that it's hard to be really kind, or it's hard to add the firmness we struggle in one of those areas, or it might be that it's hard to be consistent. We can make a ton of excuses for ourselves we're tired, we're overworked, we're overscheduled. Yes, all of those things are true, and we have to find some way to be more realistic in how we set boundaries so we can follow through consistently, because that's what creates change. If you've struggled in knowing how to do that, you just read a bunch of stuff that feels super unrealistic.
Flora McCormick:
Friend, you're in the right place. That's what I love to help people with sustainable strategies that are simplified and really truly realistic in your real life. And if you'd like to connect with me to discuss what that would look like, to be able to suffer with a purpose in a real, simplified, strategic, sustainable way, so that you get into more joy and ease and cooperation. Reach out. There is a clarity call link in the show notes, which is the show description for this episode, or also you can go to my website, sustainableparentingcom. But, friend, I want to encourage you today. If you are frustrated with ways that you've been suffering in circles, today's the day it can end. The components that are missing is that you have to know how to be kind and firm and consistent. That will involve a little bit of suffering, but it will be suffering with a purpose that gets you to a better place, instead of consistently, repeatedly suffering in circles.
Flora McCormick:
Maybe suffering in circles has felt like what Nathan described, where he said man, we used to just be suffering in circles where I'd always have to come in and feel like the bad guy because my wife was sort of coddling the kids and both of us were really frustrated with each other and frustrated with how the kids and both of us were really frustrated, frustrated with each other and frustrated with how the kids kept pushing, pushing her or scream, screaming at me. And now we haven't had a meltdown in such a long time. Our night routine is like day and night difference from what it was and we're so grateful we're even having time together. Or maybe you're like Lily who said I couldn't believe what a difference it made when I suffered with a purpose to. But boy, now it is so different, the level of the sisters playing together and how they don't get so emotional with me because I suffered with a purpose in terms of tech. Side note, friend, if you want some ideas about how to decrease tech time, check out episode 53. How to decrease tech time check out episode 53.
Flora McCormick:
Maybe you feel like Jess, who was in a place where her toddler was basically holding her hostage. She didn't want to go anywhere in public because he would have such meltdowns and hit or push her, scratch her, that she was embarrassed and so she would avoid going to public places or often have to leave early, suffering in circles because she didn't know how to end that cycle. And she said now I noticed being able to be more firm and kind with him, having the agreements in advance and using florist tools. We are not avoiding anywhere, and my in-laws even noticed a difference in our son and even the other day when we were at a restaurant, we were complimented by the people sitting at the table next to us and how well behaved our toddler was Now.
Flora McCormick:
It took work, it took intention, it took effort and stepping up and saying it's time to make a change. And that's what Jessica, that's what Nathan, that's what all of these parents did is they found a way to say I'm going to do it, I'm going to suffer with a purpose and not put it off. That also makes me think of Abby, who said I don't know why I waited so long. I considered stepping into parent coaching six months ago and now that I finally did it, we have seen dramatic changes within just weeks with our four homeschooled kids. They are not blowing up at each other. I'm feeling more connected and we're working as a team, and it's because of the effort and changes that I've had to push myself in making.
Flora McCormick:
So, friend, this is possible for you too. It's called suffering with a purpose, and I'm so glad that you've found the space that is going to encourage you to do that, because it's worth it. All. Right, friend, if you have comments about this, I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out flora at sustainable parentingcom or in one of my social media channels YouTube, facebook or Instagram. Until next week, have a wonderful time learning and practicing how to be kind and firm at the same time, so the parenting finally feels sustainable. Talk soon, friend.