Sustainable Parenting | Raising Confident Kids with Positive Parenting Strategies

125. Why "Me Time" is Actually Great Parenting

• Flora McCormick, LCPC, Parenting Coach

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Ever felt that twinge of guilt when you consider taking time away from your family to pursue a hobby? You're not alone. As a mother of two and lifelong dancer, I recently found myself questioning whether my dance performances were worth the disrupted bedtimes and occasional complaints from my nine-year-old daughter. But what if those personal pursuits aren't selfish at all? What if they're actually essential to your BEST parenting, even?


In this episode, I flip the script and share three surprising reasons your passions aren’t selfish at all—they’re a gift to your kids. From modeling healthy fun, to showing them you’re a whole person, to teaching empathy, you’ll walk away ready to embrace your hobbies without guilt.

In a world that often equates good parenting with self-sacrifice, that might be the most valuable lesson of all. 

Ready to reclaim a hobby you've been putting off? 


Your children—and your future self—will thank you for it.

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Speaker 1:

Have you ever felt that little tug of guilt when you think about spending time on your own hobbies? Maybe even told yourself it's selfish, my kids should come first. This is silly. This is just dance. This is just pottery, this is just tennis. Whatever it is, you think it's silly to spend time just playing? There's laundry to be done. I could be spending time with my kids. But here's the twist. What if carving out time for your hobbies is actually one of the best parenting moves you can make? In fact, I'm going to share three surprising ways that pursuing your own interests can directly benefit your kids. And the third one friends might be the very thing that your kid is needing most to thrive in this world. So stick with me to the end of the episode, because that last one really flips the whole mom being selfish thing completely upside down.

Speaker 1:

I'm Flora McCormick, licensed therapist and parenting coach of almost 20 years, here to help you really be that calm, confident parent you've always wanted to be. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective. And for that, mom guilt can feel. You're stretched thin, juggling school drop-offs, sports meals, bedtime routine. Somewhere along the way your interests and passions just get shoved to the back burner and so in all of that chaos it can feel impossible to carve out space for ourselves. Might even feel like that's like the extra yeah, yeah, yeah, someday when I have time, I guess I'll get to that. And maybe even you've forgotten who you are outside of being a mom. Like I don't even know what I would do if I did have extra free time. Like I'm just mom, right. But, friend, let's be honest when you reclaim your hobbies. But, friend, let's be honest, when you reclaim your hobbies, actually everybody wins, and I'm going to tell you three key reasons why, and this is top of mind for me today, because I just performed in a dance program here in my community.

Speaker 1:

I'm nearly 45, turning 45 in two weeks, and the ability to do this dance show has become like a lifeline to me. It is something I love, because A I love to dance. I have since I was in preschool. I used to ask my preschool teacher to put on Jump by the Pointer Sisters to dance during free playtime, while all the other kids were building blocks or making, you know, squishing Play-Doh. I wanted to dance and I was lucky enough in my community to find this great nonprofit that puts on a program every fall of routines that are choreographed by and performed by adults that are all people who have a dance background of some sort, but not professional dancers in their lives at this moment, but being able to find a space for that outlet.

Speaker 1:

As I've gone through the summer of practicing, I've had lots of moments to doubt that this is worth my time or that this is something I should be doing. I had moments where my daughter literally said I wish you didn't have dance practice, I want you to stay home. And God, that pulled on my heartstrings Like gosh Flora. Your daughter wants you to stay home. She's nine. She's not going to want you to stay home all the time. Maybe you should just forget doing this and stay home with her.

Speaker 1:

And I've had times where I had to have my daughter come with me or my son to sit in the waiting room while I had dance practice because my husband was doing something else and their bedtime was late and then I felt super guilty Like is this really worth it? I'm messing up bedtime, making my kid just sit in the corner watching me. Is this selfish to ask them to do that? So I'm like I was reflecting on both the self-doubt and questioning and the enjoyment this gave me, and I thought you know what. I bet other people experience this too. So if this is you, I want to share a message heart to heart, mom to mom, dancer to dancer or dancer to whatever you are writer, tennis player, whatever it is that you love and makes your heart sing. Friend, you don't have to choose one or the other. You don't have to choose to be a good mom or someone who is pursuing some of their passions. Because it turns out, as I dove into some research, I was reminded there are three key ways that pursuing our own passions is actually really beneficial to our kids is actually really beneficial to our kids.

Speaker 1:

First one hobbies show our kids an amazing way to unwind right In the big scheme of things, I hope that my child doesn't just see me grabbing a glass of wine and saying like, oh, I'm so glad to get to relax, or watching TV. Don't get me wrong, those are both things that I do occasionally but they are not what I want my kid to most see. That is the main way I unwind and so them seeing this example of me dancing and me sharing with them this is something that helps me just unwind. It feels good, it's relaxing. I like how I sweat and kind of get out some stress from the day or week and it's a way for me to model that I'm continuing my lifelong interests and I hope that they do the same. I hope I'm not just taking them to piano lessons as something that's a drag, but I do that because I'm hoping that's a lifelong skill for how they unwind or relax. That will continue.

Speaker 1:

Number two as I have continued my hobbies, I am reminded. You know what Hobbies remind our kids that we're a real person. Like when I'm out there shaking my butt and dancing to a kind of sexy song. I don't want to. I don't feel bad about that because I think it's a fun moment. My kids get to see me as a more well-rounded person. I'm not just the robot that provides dinner and buys the groceries and does the work for money for our family. I want them to see me as a real person. I think that's going to be important to the future of our relationship, that I am interesting and I am stepping into my own uniqueness and owning it and showing that. I hope they do the same, so they get to see me uniquely and hopefully see me modeling that. I hope they also will just own their uniqueness in this world.

Speaker 1:

And if you do not have a hobby that you even have thought about doing, then, girl, get after it. This is your moment. I encourage you to reflect. What did you used to enjoy when you were younger? What's something you did in your 20s or what's something that you always wanted to do? Something on my bucket list is to learn how to pole dance or aerial dance. I mean, you know, if J-Lo can do it when she turns 50, why can't I so dream big or dream backwards? I encourage you to give yourself space for that. And third of all, do you know what engaging in our hobbies gives our kids? That actually empowers them for a life is so important. Hobbies teach our kids. They aren't the center of the universe.

Speaker 1:

Now, this is a big one. I mean, think about it when you make time for your hobby. Or, like me with my kids this summer. There were sacrifices, absolutely. But what a benefit to my children to remind them that, just as I sacrifice things to take them to their hobbies and be with them, it's okay for them to sacrifice some things to support me. We're a family and we all support one another. That grows empathy, compassion and helpfulness in ways that nothing else ever could right. Compassion and helpfulness in ways that nothing else ever could right. Asking my child to sit there at the dance class while I have it for 45 minutes is really tangibly giving them an opportunity to be helpful and supportive, way more than any lecture I could ever give them on those two qualities in life. And in fact, psychologists are even saying that there are new studies revealing that children who recognize and appreciate their parents' efforts tend to be adults who develop stronger emotional intelligence and deeper resilience.

Speaker 1:

So, friend, remember when I promised that the third benefit would really turn that selfish script upside down. This is it, when you make time for your passions and your kids learn the world doesn't revolve around them. It's a good thing. They grow empathy, they grow flexibility, they practice flexibility, they see what it means to support another person's joy, and what a beautiful lesson that is. It's not selfish. It's shaping compassionate, resilient humans. So next time you pick up that paintbrush, head to your tennis match or go to a dance class, know that you're not just filling your cup. You're giving your kids a gift that they'll carry for life. You're giving your kids a gift that they'll carry for life and friends, speaking of gifts that carry for life. Next episode we're going to be diving into sleep challenges and sleep solutions with my wonderful guest. And if you're looking for more solutions around kids listening, remember that in the description of this episode there is a link to get my PDF of three key things that get kids to listen. Can't wait to see you again next week, friend Bye for now.