Jon Gustin Shares How Vulnerability is the New Fatherhood Flex

Have you heard of the fatherhood loneliness epidemic?

Before talking with Jon Gustin (better known as The Tired Dad), I had heard the phrase—but I hadn’t fully stopped to think about what it actually means. Because when we talk about exhausted parents, overwhelmed parents, or the mental load of parenting… we often focus on moms. But what about dads? What happens when fathers are trying to carry pressure silently, feel disconnected from friendships, and believe they have to hold everything together alone? 

In this week’s episode of Sustainable Parenting, I sit down with John to have one of the most honest conversations I’ve had about fatherhood, emotional health, vulnerability, and what parenting has a way of revealing in all of us. We talk about his new book, The Tired Dad, and the powerful journey that led him there. 

John opens up about growing up believing feelings were something to hide, how parenting held up a mirror to unresolved struggles, and why so many men quietly cope with pressure through anger, isolation, or unhealthy escapes. He also shares why vulnerability became freedom—and why sharing what’s hard may be one of the strongest things a parent can do. 

By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with:

• A deeper understanding of the hidden pressure many dads carry
 • Insight into the growing fatherhood loneliness epidemic
 • Encouragement if parenting has felt heavy lately
 • Hope that connection—not perfection—is what helps us keep showing up
 • A reminder that you're probably doing better than you think 

If you love conversations around positive parenting strategies, calm confident parenting, mental health, and creating a more sustainable way to show up for your family, I think you're really going to love this one.

Check out Jon Gustin's Book: The Tired Dad

https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-tired-dad-100-reflections-on-showing-up-for-what-matters-most_jon-gustin/56466768/item/86110085/#edition=74011086&idiq=86110085

https://www.amazon.com/Tired-Dad-Reflections-Showing-Matters/dp/0593980468

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Transcript

Exhaused Parents Meet The Tired Dad

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Today, I'm so excited for this conversation because I know so many parents listening, moms and dads alike, know what it feels like to be completely exhausted. Loving your kids deeply while also wondering if anyone else feels this tired. Today we're joined by someone who has made millions of parents feel a little less alone. John Geston, better known as the Tired Dad, has built a community of over 2 million followers by sharing the real, honest, messy, beautiful side of parenting and fatherhood. Through his vulnerability, humor, and the conversations around mental health, sobriety, and simply showing up, he's really become a voice that reminds parents they're not failing, they're human. And now he's bringing that same message into a brand new book called The Tired Dad, A Hundred Reflections on Showing Up for What Matters Most. Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're

Bringing Dads Into The Parenting Talk

SPEAKER_01 1:08

here, John. Tell me a bit about where this book came from. What was your inspiration?

SPEAKER_00 1:14

My whole thing is bringing dads into the conversation of parenting more. You know, there's there's a lot of dads out there that, you know, deal with a lot of the same stuff moms do with the mental load and the balance of working and being home and you know, being involved more in the domestic labor. Like that's just what I related to. Yeah. And I found out that a lot of other dads are relating to it. They're just not talking about it. Absolutely. So I really wanted to kind of shine a light on that for fathers because there's a there's a lot of good fathers out there, and there's also a lot of fathers that are just alone in their struggles. So I wanted to, you know, do something that that makes them feel less alone.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Absolutely. And I love your honesty in the book, you know, you talk about the temptation to to think that anger is how you have power or or how you have permission to be angry, and you talk about addictions and that when you are, you know, struggling under the pressure, it's easy to reach for vices or addiction to cope. And so tell me a little bit more about your own journey that took you in fatherhood to this place of changing your perspective towards how man cope with the pressure.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

So I have to give a lot of credit to my wife. She's very, very emotionally intelligent, she's very in tune with her emotions. I was not. I like I was to the I would tell her, she reminds me that I would tell her in the beginning, I don't cry. Like that's just something I don't do. Yeah, it just wasn't something that my family was comfortable with and that I saw a lot. I didn't see a lot of people cry when I was growing up. So I just viewed it as well, I don't cry. Like it's it's good. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

The worst F-word out there, in my opinion, as a therapist.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Yes, and that's men's MO, you know, is I'm good, I'm fine. And my

Learning To Feel Instead Of Performing Fine

SPEAKER_00 3:15

wife saw through me over time. She saw that I was just putting on this front for some reason, that I wasn't letting go of things. So she's brought out so much vulnerability in myself, and I realized that actually I am very expressive. I do cry. I I'm a feeler.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

That's what I loved as I took a look at your book was I really got that essence that it was a reminder, oh yeah, dads are being asked to be more involved so in the social emotional side of parenthood and caretaking. That, like you said, we we need a space where they're they're having support and get some guidance on how to do that.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Yeah, because we're kind of a mess in that area. You know, it it you know, if want to really talk about why it, you know, it's where we came from, it's the generations before us that you know we weren't taught to be emotional. It wasn't a good thing if we were emotional, if we had feelings. No, you're a leader, you're in charge, you're the foundation, and if the foundation cracks or breaks, it's all your fault. And there's a lot of pressure and shame around fatherhood, if you know, and I think it's just coming to a head of well, this isn't this isn't great. We can see it in mental health, and we can see it in the failing marriages and everything that you know it's dads aren't great. Men in general are just not great at dealing with their trauma or their problems, and it's or that pressure, like you were saying, or the pressure, and a lot of times it can just lead into anger and yeah, it can they can overshadow their insecurities with ego, and there's a bunch of problems, and it all stems back from what society tells us we should be like. And I really I always say that parenting puts a mirror up to your face. Oh, it puts a mirror up to your life. Oh, totally. Everything you haven't dealt with your whole entire life is right there in that mirror.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

It's like marriage and parenting, those are the two things you're like, oh, I thought I was fine again. The F-word. No, here's this per these two these two relationships really push all your deep buttons. You thought you could hide from people, you thought you weren't there.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Yeah. So I was like, wow,

Substance Use And The Parenting Mirror

SPEAKER_00 5:50

there's a lot in that mirror that I haven't dealt with. And yeah, a lot of a lot of it being that person that always held their stuff in. Yeah, there's a reason why I immediately went to substance substances to cope since I was 13 years old. It was always something, it was always a pill, it was always a drug, it was always alcohol. And when I became a dad, I realized I just don't have a good relationship with any of this. There's no and I would lie to myself and take a couple months off and say, Oh yeah, see, I convinced you, don't have a problem. But it was always it was always a problem. And it wasn't this crazy rock bottom moment externally, yeah, but internally it was. It it was a mental breakdown, it was like I I don't know what's going on. I'm so lost inside. So I stripped it all away, and that's when that mirror became real. It was in 4K now, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

And uh like none of the substances to blur it or meet it.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Yeah, and then I just started expressing it verbally and even online, and I I realized that so many other dads are in the same boat and they relate, and I didn't know that. And so I just want to encourage dads, especially, that their vulnerability helps other people become more vulnerable and to feel less alone. So your the vulnerability that you share is freedom, it it removes all that extra weight that you've been carrying, but it also helps other people remove that extra weight because they go, Okay, I'm not crazy, I'm not weird, I'm not weak, never viewed it that way.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Yeah. A thousand percent. I mean, John, the work that I do is leading parenting groups a lot, whether online or in person, and that is constantly the number one feedback is it's so great to hear people talk about what's really hard.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

A big part of the book is, you know, this whole

Male Loneliness And Missing Friendships

SPEAKER_00 8:00

just recently I saw the name for it, but this male loneliness epidemic, which I think has a lot of definitions. But how I took it was, yeah, I don't have any friends. Or I do have friends, but they're barely see them. They're usually in the form of a neighbor and an acquaintance or whatever. But I don't really have like super deep friendships like I used to have because I moved away from my hometown. Yeah, so it's really hard to make deep connections with people where you didn't grow up with them. You know, like you don't really know that person. And I always just thought, well, I have a family now and I'm putting them first, and that's all that matters, and I'm putting myself last in friendships I don't have time for. I don't I don't need anybody. And I almost like kind of wore it like a badge of honor of like I don't I don't care. Like I'm I'm showing up for my family, that's all that matters. And I think that's where that male loneliness, especially amongst dads, has become because we're busy. We we're working, we're trying to show up for our family, show up for our partners. And where's that extra time for a hobby or a meetup with friends? Like there isn't, and then you feel guilty leaving your wife at home to you know take all that mental load, and it's just it's hard, and it goes on my m my wife too. Yeah, you know, not not too much, not too many friends that she sees a lot.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Yeah, we need pathways back to connection and support. We cannot give to our kids out of an empty cup. That just doesn't yeah, it's it's not sustainable.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

It's hard, yeah, and it's it's not sustainable. And yeah, I think it's uh a lot to do with this fear and this, you know, too much information all at once. Yeah, way too much information, way too much distraction. Yeah. That we're just like imagine our brains are just like this Ferris wheel just going way too fast and the hinges are all coming off. Yeah, and that's how it feels.

The Book And The Shift From Anger

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yeah. Okay, so I want to pivot here that we've kind of described all the pressures in the world, the things that we're drowning in, moms and dads, and and here's this beautiful perspective about how things can be different. And and then enters your book, which I think is so key. And I already have like five dads I'm planning to mail it to because it was so powerful. And and just as an aside, I had a book like this that I used to send all of my clients when I finished working with them for moms, but I did not know that one existed for dads, or it didn't at the time, it does now. So I am so excited for the tired dad. A hundred reflections on showing up for what matters most. And I just want to say I so appreciate the I I dog eared a few different pages. The the pages on anger is not your superpower, yes, um, the power of perspective. Boy, that was that one. Like love that one, yes. Whoa, you're gonna have to check that one out. And vulnerability is freedom that certainly aligns with everything we've just been talking about, and I think that is the gateway. That what how do we reconnect to each other in our friendships, in our community, in the world of being dads, like that turn to vulnerability instead of vices or anger. It I just I so love your perspective here, and I think every mom would love for their husband to have it.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Yes, and I I want I want moms to read it too because I think if you have a husband that is probably silent on a lot of things, you might be able to tap into him by getting my perspective of what I was going through.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's very much in that vein of vulnerability. You're not just preaching it, you're showing it, and it doesn't come across as lexury or boy, I'm failing because I'm not this perfect XYZ. It comes across immediately like, oh, someone gets it, someone sees what it's like to be under the weight of the things we have on us as fathers. Yeah, and someone's giving some light, realistic perspective of how to show up as best you can.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Yeah, that's it. I it's all the advice I can give.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

That's awesome. Well, I'm so grateful for this. And is there anything you want to share in closing about your intention with this book and what is possible for them if they're interested in checking

A Hundred Reflections You Can Finish

SPEAKER_01 12:44

it out?

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Yeah, I mean, I wanted to be the arm around their shoulder that I needed when I first became a dad. And I want everybody to know that they're probably doing a lot better than they think.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah. I remember you saying that in one of the reflections. Is that what each yeah?

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Yeah, they're like little essays. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Yeah. And just to comment again, I love what you said earlier about choosing a hundred instead of a daily, because I can feel that essence. Sometimes we feel like if we're not hitting every single one, like so some people type A, highly productive people. If I'm not doing every one, then I'm gonna give up. I'm failing. And so this sense that if you missed a day or something, it's not a like I missed five days in a row, how many I catch up? It's like, no, there's a hundred. Sprinkle them in your year, sprinkle them through two years. They're little drops of wisdom and support.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Yeah, you're not you're not missing out on anything because it's a hundred. And usually when I do do a daily book, I most I have a hundred percent fail rate of reading them all through that first year, yeah, which is great because I can read it over year-year, read something new. But I would say the average ones that I read are probably eighty to a hundred a year. So I think I think it's a it's a more realistic goal to get this book done in a year.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Yeah, it's got a real sweet spot, and each page, each, each, you know, reflection is only one to two pages on average, so very much very digestible and uh great and and and yet powerful also. They're not flippant, they're deep.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah, I tried. I tried my best to put it all out there, and and and really they come from like journal entries and stuff that I have been writing down since I became a dad.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Awesome. Oh man, it's so great to meet you, John. I so appreciate your time today. And listeners have a great gift to be able

Where To Find The Book

SPEAKER_01 14:43

to check this out. Tell us where we can find your book.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Tiredad.com has all the links to everything, but anywhere that books are sold, if you just uh type in the Tired Dad book, it it should be there.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Awesome, thanks so much. Thank you, listeners. If you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McCormick.