Eva (00:04):
Hey there, you’re listening to the My Sleeping Baby podcast, which is all about baby and child sleep. I’m so excited to teach you how you can get your little ones sleeping so that you can sleep too and enjoy parenthood to its fullest. I’m Eva Klein, your resident’s sleep expert, mom of three, founder of the Sleep Bible online coaching program, and lover of all things sleep and motherhood. If you’re looking for tangible solutions for your little one sleep woes or you simply want to learn more, this podcast is for you. For more information, check out mysleepingbaby.com and you can follow me on Instagram and Facebook @mysleepingbaby, and you can follow me on Instagram and Facebook at My Sleeping Baby.
(00:45)
All right, welcome back to the show. So today we're gonna talk all about your little ones sleepy cues and what they really mean. You see, I know that it's not easy for a parent to be able to figure out how to get their little one sleeping more and how to figure out when their little one needs to be sleeping. And so a really common piece of advice that a lot of parents will get is to look out for their babies sleepy cues. These basically refer to the first signs that your little one is supposed to give you, letting you know that they are ready to go to sleep. And so there is this widely held belief that when you start to see that yawning or the zoning out or the fussiness begin and your little one begins to look tired, it must mean that he is ready to go to sleep.
(01:38)
The reality though, is that this isn't entirely true. So today I'm gonna talk about, first of all, what these sleep sleepy cues look like in more detail and why they're really not the most reliable way to figure out if your little one needs to be going to sleep. And then of course, I'm gonna tell you what you should be doing instead. Okay? But first and foremost, let's address a bigger question here, which is why is figuring out your little one's daytime schedule so important? The reason in a nutshell is because your little one, getting enough adequate daytime sleep is so important to ensure that your little one doesn't become overtired. Overt tiredness is a big massive sleep stealer because when your little one is overtired, it means that their nervous system is going to begin secreting higher levels of cortisol, which is a stress related hormone secreted by your nervous system.
(02:39)
And so when your little one is overtired and has these higher levels of cortisol in their system, it can literally cause every single sleep problem in the book. So it can cause difficulty falling asleep, it can cause unnecessary night wakings. It can cause early rising and it can cause short naps. And if you win the jackpot here, you can get all four. And naturally, when your little one is overtired and not getting enough sleep over a 24 hour period, you're gonna de see a decrease in their mood and behavior. They're going to be fussier, they're going to be crankier. If you have a toddler or a preschooler, you're likely going to see more clinginess and tantrums as a result. This is not what you want. So to avoid these sleep problems, it is so crucial to ensure that your little one is going to sleep just as they begin to get tired before they become overtired, and that they are getting enough sleep throughout the day so that they are well rested.
(03:40)
So this is then when we usually look at sleepy cues, right? Because there's this widely held belief that your little one is going to tell you using their body language when they are beginning to get tired and that they need to go to sleep. So some of the very well known examples of sleepy cues can include yawning eye, rubbing spacing, out redness under their eyebrows, decreased activity, fussiness squawking, pulling out their ears, scratching their face, burying their face in a caregiver's chest, losing interest in toys, or turning away from objects or people. Now, some of the very well-known signs of overt tiredness that you obviously want to avoid include crankiness getting a second wind of energy and ing their back. Now here's the thing. The assumption behind the advice to follow sleepy cues assumes that your little one's body language is accurate, but the reality is that this assumption is actually wrong.
(04:44)
Even though your little one's sleepy cues might be somewhat helpful. They're actually not reliable indicators of whether or not your little one is actually tired As a newborn, this body language might be somewhat accurate, but by the time your little one reaches that three to four month age range, they usually become unreliable. And then as they get older, they become more unreliable. And the reason is twofold, because on the one hand, you might have a little one who looks tired all the time, and the reason is because your little one is just not getting enough sleep over a 24 hour period. And so if your little one is constantly napping for 20 minutes and waking up every one to two hours all night long, then he is always going to look like he is ready to go to sleep. And it's not because he's been up for long enough, it's just because he needs more sleep over a 24 hour period.
(05:41)
And so this is when body language can become very confusing, and your little one can make you think that he needs to go down for a nap before he's actually ready. On the other hand, your little one might never look tired. There are some babies who have such a happy, easygoing demeanor, which by the way is a huge blessing, don't get me wrong. But it does mean that they might also be tricking you and that they might be serious professionals at masking their tired signs and making you think that they are not tired at all. Or it's also equally possible that their tired signs might be so subtle that it is impossible for anyone to see. This is especially applicable to older babies and toddlers, and especially preschoolers who are playing more independently and can so easily distract themselves by their environment and surroundings and forget that they're actually tired.
(06:41)
And then in this situation, you could easily have a little one who is not showing you tired signs until they are overtired. And then by that point you know that it's too late. And so for these two main reasons, I strongly advise not using sleepy signs as the primary factor to determine when your little one needs to go to sleep, what should you use instead? This is where wake windows come in, also known as wake periods. These should be the main factor that you use to determine when your little one needs to go to sleep. So a wake window refers to the amount of time that a baby or child of any age can be up for before they begin to get tired and needs to go back to sleep. And so the idea is that at the end of that wake period, your little one is ready for sleep.
(07:33)
And so your little one's, specific wake windows are gonna depend on their age, their temperament, as well as their overall sleep patterns. It goes without saying that wake windows are naturally going to be smaller when your little one is younger, and they're going to need to increase with time as they get older and they can stay up for longer periods. And you see what I love about wake windows is that it takes the stress out of trying to accurately assess your baby's body language as if you work for the F B I. That is so unbelievably hard. The reality is that with wake windows, all you need to do is figure out what your little one's sweet spot is, and then from there, just keep your eye on the clock or set an alarm on your phone to let you know that it's gonna be the end of your little one's wake windows soon, and that they need to go back to sleep.
(08:27)
For example, if you have a four month old who needs 90 minute wake windows and he woke up from a nap at 2:00 PM, then guess what it means? He's gotta go back down for a nap around three 30. Now, this doesn't mean that you can't use body language to help you determine what your little one's wake windows should be, but the main thing here is that it is a secondary factor to helping you figure this out, not the primary factor. Now, I wanna about buy the clock schedules for a second because I have a lot of clients and sleep Bible members who will ask me something along the lines of, but Eva, when are wake windows no longer applicable? And I can just put my little one on a buy the clock schedule, which refers to a schedule where no matter what, your little one is napping at the same times every single day.
(09:20)
And the answer is technically never. And I wanna elaborate on this answer here. You see, a by the clock schedule in a nutshell, is pretty much when you just decide that your little one is going to be napping at certain times every single day, and there is no calculation or reason behind any of those times that doesn't work. It makes no sense because that's ignoring the individual sleep needs of your little one. A baby who is six months old, waking up at six 30 for the day is going to need a different timed nap, one than a six month old baby waking up at seven 30 or eight o'clock every single day. A by the clock schedule doesn't take into account these individual sleep patterns, which are going to range from and vary depending on age, temperament, daily activities, and what their overall 24 hour schedule is looking like.
(10:19)
And that, of course, is going to create a ton of frustration for you and your baby, rather as your little one gets older. Wake windows are always going to be relevant, but it just means that their ability to sleep more regularly is going to improve, which means that when your little one is waking around the same time every day and needs those wake windows that you know, it means that that nap time is gonna be at a similar time every single day. And when they're older and they can nap for regular periods of time, you know approximately when they're going to wake up from that first nap, which means that you'll know approximately when they need to go back down for that second nap, et cetera, et cetera. So that's in essence what allows a loose but regular schedule for your little one to form that's based around wake windows.
(11:14)
So now that you understand why using wake windows to figure out your little one's daytime sleep schedule is so important, you might be feeling a little bit lost, having no idea what your little one's wake windows should be. So I want you to know that I've got you covered here. Don't you worry, because I have a free sleep chart that you can download that outlines all of my suggested wake windows sleep totals and number of naps for little ones ages zero all the way up to age five. So I give you a breakdown month by month, generally speaking, what you are looking at. And so you can use this chart to help you figure out what your little one's sweet spot needs to be based on the guides and ranges that I provide you. Now, you might have to do some trial and error as you figure out what your little one needs in terms of wake windows, but by taking these steps, you're really going to help your little one establish healthy sleep habits that is truly going to benefit them now as well as for years to come. So thank you all for listening. I hope that this was helpful and that you all have a wonderful day.
(12:29)
Thank you everyone for listening, and I hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review and share this episode with a friend who can benefit from it. I also love hearing from my listener, so feel free to DM me on Instagram at my sleeping baby or send me an email at eva@mysleepingbaby.com. Until next time, have a wonderful restful nights.