If you have a baby who constantly fights sleep, you are not alone! Getting a baby to fall asleep without tons of effort can be easier said than done.
If this is your struggle, you’re in the right place. In this podcast episode, I’m discussing the 7 most common reasons why babies fight sleep- and what you can do about it.
If you have a baby who constantly fights sleep, you are not alone! Getting a baby to fall asleep without tons of effort can be easier said than done.
If this is your struggle, you’re in the right place. In this podcast episode, I’m discussing the 7 most common reasons why babies fight sleep- and what you can do about it.
Eva (00:04):
Hey there, you’re listening to the My Sleeping Baby podcast, which is all about baby and child sleep. I’m so excited to teach you how you can get your little ones sleeping so that you can sleep too and enjoy parenthood to its fullest. I’m Eva Klein, your resident’s sleep expert, mom of three, founder of the Sleep Bible online coaching program, and lover of all things sleep and motherhood. If you’re looking for tangible solutions for your little one sleep woes or you simply want to learn more, this podcast is for you. For more information, check out mysleepingbaby.com and you can follow me on Instagram and Facebook @mysleepingbaby, and you can follow me on Instagram and Facebook @mysleepingbaby.
Eva (00:46):
All right, welcome back to the show. I am so excited for this week's episode where I'm going to be talking all about why babies fight sleep. I can't tell you how common it is that I have moms reaching out to me about their babies, their toddlers or their preschoolers who spend so long and so much of their energy fighting to go to sleep despite the fact that the mom sees this kid is legitimately exhausted. So I'm going to be talking about the seven most common culprits of babies fighting sleep, as well as what you can do to solve this problem. Culprit number one, overt tiredness. You guys, this is probably the most common reason why babies and children of all ages are fighting sleep. You see, when we become overtired, our nervous systems produce higher levels of cortisol, which is a stress hormone. And so when babies have higher levels of cortisol in their system, it makes it much, much harder for them to fall asleep and stay asleep because it basically gives them a second wind of energy.
(01:56)
What overt tiredness also does is it exacerbates any sensory sensitivity that babies might have, which can cause them to become overstimulated. And so when your little one is overstimulated and becomes increasingly tired, they're sensory thresholds are going to lower, which is going to make them much more sensitive to sound, to light to other environmental stimuli, which from there can easily cause your baby to fight sleep. And then from there it goes without saying that overt tired babies as a result of all of this are usually fussier and more irritable than usual. And it goes without saying that it is much harder to get a fussy baby to sleep than it is to get a happy, relaxed baby to sleep. So when your baby is over tired from wake periods that are too big from taking short naps and from simply just not getting enough uninterrupted sleep over a 24 hour period, he's probably going to become overtired and fight more as a result.
(03:00)
Alright, culprit number two is under tiredness. Now, overt tiredness seems to be a very well-known culprit of garbage sleep all around, but under tiredness is a lesser known culprit, but very common culprit of why babies fight sleep because it's equally problematic. You see, when your baby hasn't been up for long enough, it means that he hasn't built up enough homeostatic sleep pressure, which is that external drive to sleep that's needed for us to be able to fall asleep nicely. And so if your little one is under tired and just isn't tired enough, it's only natural they're going to fight sleep. Remember that babies need certain levels of physical activity of mental stimulation and appropriate amounts of awake time to be able to feel tired enough to actually fall asleep nicely. And if you're trying to get your baby to sleep before they're ready, it's likely not going to work.
(03:58)
And from there, he's likely to get really restless, fussy, and resistant and just downright mad when it comes to settling for sleep because he's going, Hey, I'm not ready to go to bed yet. What are you doing, mom? I want to be playing some more. And then they get all riled up. And you see the problem from there is that when your baby finally is hired enough to be able to fall asleep nicely, he's likely going to continue to fight sleep regardless because he's too wound up and restless and just mad overall from the previous attempt to get him to sleep too soon. Alright, culprit number three, too much light in your little one's room. You see, your little one really needs to be sleeping in a dark room when it's time for them to go to sleep when there is too much light coming in, it can disrupt their natural wake sleep cycles and cause your little one to fight sleep.
(04:53)
You see light plays a very important role in regulating your body's circadian rhythm, also known as your biological clock, and that controls your wake sleep cycles. And when your little one is exposed to too much light, especially in the evening or nighttime hours when they should be sleeping, it can end up suppressing your little one's natural production of melatonin, which is that sleepy hormone making it much, much harder for him to fall asleep and stay asleep. The other problem is that bright lights can end up overstimulating babies, which of course also makes it much harder for them to relax and settle down. Remember, babies are particularly sensitive to environmental stimuli, not much different than how you and I are, and excessive light can keep their brains and bodies feeling especially alert, and this can lead to more restlessness, more fussiness ultimately causing that baby to fight sleep.
(05:49)
The fourth reason that your baby might be fighting sleep is that there is too much noise in their sleep environment. Loud noises will naturally just make it much harder for that baby of yours to fall asleep because of the impact that it has on their auditory systems. Again, babies have heightened sensitivity to sound. They're definitely much more sensitive to sound than you and I are as adults. And if that sound is loud or continuous, these noises can easily overstimulate them, making it much harder for them to relax and fall asleep. Culprit number five, overstimulation. I know there might be a little bit of overlap here when it comes to these culprits, but there is more to overstimulation than what I had just mentioned. You see, when a baby becomes overstimulated, it often means that he is going to fight sleep because his body is in this heightened state of arousal.
(06:42)
Babies have developing nervous systems, and again, they are highly sensitive to sensory input such as noise levels, bright lights, as well as busy or chaotic surroundings, prolonged periods of activity or play, as well as interactions with multiple people or unfamiliar environments. All of these situations either together or by themselves can cause your baby to become overstimulated, and this overstimulation can make your baby feel especially agitated and excited, making it much more challenging for them to relax and fall asleep. I will just also mention that when your baby becomes overstimulated, as excited as that might be, it could also at the same time increase their level of cortisol in their system. Once again, that stress hormone can make it much, much harder for them to wind down and fall asleep and stay asleep because it can hinder your body's natural production of melatonin culprit. Number six, reliance on sleep associations.
(07:46)
You see, when your baby relies on a sleep association or a sleep prop to fall asleep like they need to be fed or rocked or padded to sleep or they need to be next to you or in your bed to fall asleep, it means that they don't know how to fall asleep and connect their sleep cycles without this help. And so in theory, this isn't a problem. I mean, as long as your current routine works for you and your baby, I mean, hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But here's the thing, it's usually only a matter of time before your baby is going to outgrow their current sleep crutch because it's just no longer doing the trick. And I will give you a personal example from one of my clients who had a baby that was rocked to sleep. They had reached out to me for help when this baby was six months and it took them five minutes to rock her to sleep, and everything was great and they had no interest in changing that up.
(08:44)
They just needed some help figuring out her schedule. And so I had no problem giving them the help that they needed. I did give them a friendly warning that, Hey, listen, the rocking to sleep is eventually going to reach its shelf life, so chances are this is not going to work forever. And they understood that and everything was fine until they reached out to me once again when she was 16 months, when literally overnight it went from five minutes of rocking her to sleep to nearly three hours to get her to sleep. We needed to do our initial consultation at nine or 10:00 PM if memory serves me correctly, which thankfully works for me no problem because I happened to be a night owl. But that was the only time they were available because both parents worked full-time during the day and then it took them three hours to get her to sleep.
(09:40)
So that was when they were available. So this happens. All sleep crutches, they have a shelf life. Some babies outgrow their current sleep crutch when they're four months. Some outgrow it when they're eight months or 12 months or 18 months, two years, three years, four years, doesn't really matter. Eventually they're going to end up needing more assistance to fall asleep, otherwise they're likely to struggle to fall asleep and fight sleep as a result. And culprit number seven, developmental milestones. These are definitely known to cause babies to fight sleep because of a combination of excitement, physical discomfort, and cognitive changes. You see when babies experience these big changes and they reach these new milestones, maybe they're learning how to crawl, they're learning how to stand, learning how to walk, they often become more active and more eager to explore their surroundings. They might also want to be practicing their new skills in their crib when they should otherwise be sleeping.
(10:42)
This is all very common and this increase in physical activity and curiosity can often make it difficult for these babies to wind down at bedtime and relax and go to sleep. Also, certain cognitive advances like language development or increased awareness of their surroundings can also contribute to these sleep disturbances because as these babies become more cognitively aware and curious about the world around them, they often struggle with switching their brains off and relaxing and falling asleep. Alright, so those are the seven most common reasons why babies fight sleep. Now let's talk about what you can do. Well, here are my top five tips for helping your baby fall asleep peacefully at bedtime and at naptime. Tip number one, follow age appropriate wake windows. You guys, this is so important because putting your baby to sleep at the right time has to be one of the most important steps when it comes to preventing your baby from fighting sleep.
(11:47)
And so this is why you want to be adhering to your baby's wake windows. And what that means is that you're putting him down just as he's beginning to get tired before he becomes overtired, but not too soon that he is under tired. If you put him down too late, he becomes overtired. If you put him down too soon, he won't be tired enough to fall asleep. And so if you need guidance in figuring out how to get your babies or toddlers wake times down pat, grab a copy of my free sleep chart that has all of my suggested wake windows, nap totals and sleep totals for babies ages zero all the way up to age five. That is going to be in the show notes in the blog post. Grab that document immediately. Now remember that the wake window is suggested in this chart are general tips.
(12:39)
I purposely provide ranges because obviously every baby is a little bit different and not every single baby is going to follow the exact same schedule and wake windows of the other baby in that same age range. So remember to use these ranges as a starting point to help you figure out the wake windows that your particular baby or child needs. Alright, tip number two, create an optimal sleep environment for your little one. You see humans sleep best under specific conditions and babies are no different. So when it comes to creating that optimal sleep environment for your little one, first of all, you want to make sure that the room is dark. Blackout blinds, blackout curtains are going to be your best friend because darkness encourages our bodies to produce melatonin optimally. You see, on a scale of one to 10, if let's say 10 is pitch black and a one is a bright sunny day, you want your little one's room to ideally be an eight and a half to a nine out of 10 during daytime hours.
(13:43)
This is important. I also strongly encourage using a white noise machine. These are great because they drown out background noise. They create a calm, soothing sleep environment for your little one, making it much easier for them to fall asleep and make sure that your little one is dressed comfortably for the temperature of the room. So keep your eye on the temperature, make sure that it's somewhere in the range of ideally 20 to 23 degrees Celsius and ensure that your little one is just dressed comfortably for whatever the temperature is. And I will just mention that if you're looking for suggestions on blackout products, white noise machines, sleep sacks, I do have them mentioned in this blog post. So if you're just listening to this podcast, scroll down to near the end of this particular article and you'll see some links to some really great products I recommend.
(14:38)
Alright, tip number three, introduce a consistent bedtime routine. If you don't have one already, this is really important to help your baby to stop fighting sleep because it signals to him that it is time to wind down. You see babies thrive off of routine at predictability, and so you want to make sure that you have that consistent bedtime routine to help your little one establish associations between specific activities and the onset of sleep. So perhaps your little one knows that when you go into his room and you sit down on the rocking chair and you start reading bedtime stories, he is cued that sleep time is coming. This type of routine also helps regulate your baby's internal biological clock. Again, making it easier for them to recognize and respond to these cues, which ultimately promotes a smoother transition into sleep. Additionally, what's also really great, and I would say important about a peaceful and relaxing bedtime routine is that it gives your little one ample opportunity to wind down and prepare for sleep, right?
(15:43)
We can't just have your baby playing in your playroom one minute and then go, oh, it's seven o'clock time to go to bed, and then you just pick him up and plunk him into the crib and expect him to go to sleep. Yeah, that might work for some babies, but it's definitely not going to work for all of them. So you want to make sure that you're giving your little one more than enough time to wind down and prepare for sleep so that they are nice and relaxed. Tip number four, rule out any medical concerns. So you obviously want to make sure that your little one is healthy and isn't under the weather or uncomfortable because it goes without saying that medical issues like ear infections, reflux gastro issues, or even low grade fevers can cause babies to fight sleep. So always seek out professional medical advice if you are unsure of what to do and need some guidance.
(16:32)
And then tip number five, teach your baby how to sleep independently. I can't emphasize how important this is. Implementing a sleep training technique of your choice is going to allow your baby or your toddler or preschooler to learn how to fall asleep independently without relying on any sleep associations. And you see for babies who are always fighting sleep because their sleep crutch of choice has suddenly stopped working and reached its shelf life, this step is crucial. Being a fully sleep trained baby means that now they can confidently rely solely on their sleep skills to fall asleep. It's a game changer now. It means that you can put them into their crib or bed and they can wind down and roll around and put themselves to sleep as opposed to relying on you to do that for them. If you are feeling ready to teach your baby to sleep on their own, but you have no idea where to start, or maybe you've tried this on your own and it hasn't worked and the whole thing is overwhelming and you just feel lost, watch my free masterclass.
(17:43)
I've got a free sleep masterclass where I will show you how to get your little one falling asleep on their own and sleeping 11 to 12 hours at night and napping like a champ, even if you feel like you've tried everything. The link to that is in the show notes is also at the bottom of the blog post, so definitely go and take a look. Alright, so to summarize, why is your baby fighting sleep? The most common culprits are overt tiredness, under tiredness, too much light, too much noise, overstimulation, reliance on sleep associations and developmental milestones. And I can tell you guys that as long as your little one is otherwise healthy, this is fixable. I have helped thousands of families get their little ones falling asleep beautifully and sleeping like champs. And so if you are struggling in this department, I want you to know that this is fixable.
(18:37)
If your current situation is not working, you don't have to live like this. And so if you are looking to get some help and you're feeling lost and you have no idea what your next step is, reach out. Send me an email. You can schedule a free 15 minute chat with me and we can chat further. So you can schedule that through my website, my sleepy baby.com. I would love to hear from you and help you out. Thanks so much everyone for listening in, and I hope you all have a wonderful day.
(19:06)
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review and share this episode with a friend who can benefit from it. I also love hearing from my listener, so feel free to DM me on Instagram @mysleeping babyor send me an email at eva@mysleepingbaby.com. Until next time, have a wonderful restful nights.