Join us on an emotional journey as we traverse through cherished holiday traditions, unmasking the profound impact of grief and loss. This episode is a heart-to-heart about our personal experiences with loss, coping mechanisms, and the ways grief manifests in our lives. Happy Thanksgiving everyone and enjoy part one of this series.
Check out my website, and remember to subscribe/follow to get notifications for new content being released weekly throughout my social media pages! Thank you again for your support.
website: www.spadementalhealth.com
TikTok: @spadementalhealth
If you are seeking help, call the SAMHSA’s National Helpline:1-800-662-HELP (4357), or The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 1-800-487-4889.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Join us on an emotional journey as we traverse through cherished holiday traditions, unmasking the profound impact of grief and loss. This episode is a heart-to-heart about our personal experiences with loss, coping mechanisms, and the ways grief manifests in our lives. Happy Thanksgiving everyone and enjoy part one of this series.
Check out my website, and remember to subscribe/follow to get notifications for new content being released weekly throughout my social media pages! Thank you again for your support.
website: www.spadementalhealth.com
TikTok: @spadementalhealth
If you are seeking help, call the SAMHSA’s National Helpline:1-800-662-HELP (4357), or The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 1-800-487-4889.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
guys, guys, what's up, guys? Thanks so much for joining us today. My name is Anthony. Welcome to Spade. The Podcast Live. What's going on, y'all?
Speaker 2:What's up, what's up, what's up.
Speaker 1:So I've got a returning guest that you guys already know, xavier from Kingdom Thoughts Podcast. What's going on, xavier? What's up bro?
Speaker 2:What's going on? Man, you doing all right.
Speaker 1:I'm good. How are you? I'm good man. And then I've got a new member to my podcast and a good friend of mine that I have not seen in years grew up and merged together. Laina, what is going on with you? How are you?
Speaker 3:I am good, what is going on, xavier? And it's been a while. It's been a while.
Speaker 1:Wow, this is like a mouth-bunner reunion, is it not when it all began? Where it all began, good times, great, great times, great times, great times Great times, great times, great times.
Speaker 3:It's a good foundation. What it was? A good foundation, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Remember we were in a Spartan Burger location and you were the step team leader and everything. Yes, Lord, I think I was like nine years old, nine or ten.
Speaker 3:Lord of man, make me feel a little bit older.
Speaker 1:Tell everybody who you are and what you're doing now.
Speaker 3:I am Laina, mostly now known as Chef AK. I have started catering business about like 2019. Named the catering business and honor of my grandmother is called Elle Willis. It's been going pretty well. I started right before COVID and relocating back to Atlanta, but everything is going well now Actually had a feature article just drop on, I believe it was Tuesday and Voyage ATL. They do feature stories on local entrepreneurs, small business, things like that. So if you guys get a chance, check that out. It is going to go on the website Voyage Magazine as well as go on Facebook. So I have my own catering business Building a brand can follow me on social media under Chef AK, underscore AK 1 on IG. Or you can go on to Elle Willis at 324 on IG. See some of my featured food. You know things like that. Had opportunity to be on a reality show called Women in the Life Atlanta Done a few things. Currently have a podcast with a co-host of podcast called Rainbow Tea with AK and Kairi.
Speaker 3:So, god's blessing, god's blessing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, congratulations for everything. Thank you so much. What's up? Yeah, slow motion.
Speaker 3:Just partnered with a couple of people. We're in the beginning stages, build out stages to open an actual brick and mortar restaurant. So it'll be a lunch brunch location. So make sure you follow on social media, see the platform for that. When we open, do a grand opening, definitely send you guys an invite.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You're not going to learn it too quick because of the traffic. But just everything is life, is life thing, but God is still blessing Absolutely.
Speaker 1:God is still good.
Speaker 2:You are busy, I try to be.
Speaker 3:I try to be Absolutely. One thing I always knew my grandmother always say she always used Philippians 4 and 13. You can do all things and make sure you do what you want to do. God equips you with everything you need inside to be able to accomplish anything you want to do. Everything you need is inside of you, but if you can help someone along the way, then your living is not in vain.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so little by little, xavier. So what is going on with you? What is the word? What's new with you?
Speaker 2:Hey man, you know it's the same old husband life, dad life, student life. That's me. Yes, sir, that keeps you busy.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, absolutely, yeah, you know how to?
Speaker 2:I love it Absolutely. That's one. That's one that's one. That's one, that's one.
Speaker 1:So we're going to go ahead and get started. Before we go in and talk about the topic that we're going to discuss today, I want to do a little icebreaker, because you know Thanksgiving is around the corner and what is your favorite Thanksgiving dish that y'all can't like? That's got to be done for. So what is got to be? What is it?
Speaker 3:That's a good one. Yes, seems like everything, because I was in a map to cook something.
Speaker 2:I know they have you in the kitchen.
Speaker 3:And I can work and friend. I try not to be, I try not to be. I was like I will host, I will hold you, I will come over, just bring a dish, just bring a dish. There sure was a place and some to go.
Speaker 2:Heavy on the foil Right.
Speaker 1:You check it. That's what they feel like it's automatic.
Speaker 3:I thought you going to cook everything. I was like now and what you signed up for, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom, I had my mom. My mom told me, I told them, you were doing grays. I was like well, mommy, you lie.
Speaker 2:We didn't talk about that.
Speaker 3:Let's talk about who made the potato salad. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 1:All I know is for my potato salad. I do not want any raisins in my potato salad no.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to leave those alone. Leave that alone.
Speaker 1:Leave that alone, and you know I don't want anybody experimenting with dishes during Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's not a beginner cook or holiday.
Speaker 1:No no.
Speaker 3:No, I don't want anybody to fail.
Speaker 2:We need you to sign up to bring the plates to cooks and stuff like that. See, that's me, that's me. I bring the cups and the plates and all that I'm sure we stopped on the trip.
Speaker 1:Also you know, cook.
Speaker 2:Not a good, not enough for Thanksgiving. Now Give him a knife. Gotta mess up. Nobody how to say it.
Speaker 1:I saw on this. It was this face, this Tik Tok or face proposal. They were doing this macaroni and cheese, sweet potato pie and I want to try it. You want to try it?
Speaker 2:Dude, because you ain't never had that sweet potato pie in the corner, that macaroni accidentally put it together. Get it together yeah, see.
Speaker 1:I mean, it just didn't work.
Speaker 3:It got that savory, that sweet savory taste to it, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know, because I just they could be on the plate together, but I don't know about incorporating it. Yeah, but I mean just the macaroni on top of the on the sweet potato pie, that's just, that's a little much.
Speaker 2:Like it. Hit you, dude.
Speaker 3:That's a really big, absolutely, that's a really big. I do do this, what I call a soul bowl, which actually the base of it is is to like the cornbread. Then I have, like the greens, little sweet potato, then like whatever meat is on top of this, called a soul bowl. If you like to eat together, that is, it's good. But I don't know about cooking sweet potatoes in the macaroni.
Speaker 2:But you should bring a little bit of that soul bowl and I'll make a trip.
Speaker 3:I will not. I will not make it back to the Carolinas. I'm a. I'm a high. I got a soul bowl for you.
Speaker 1:Please do, I got one for you. Oh God, all right, last question Okay, so who likes Chitlins, do y'all like Chitlins I don't, I don't do them.
Speaker 2:You don't do them.
Speaker 1:No, I don't do them.
Speaker 3:Why I don't do the Chitlins. I don't, I don't really eat them. I don't do them, I don't mind. They got you know they, they have their place, it's just not on my plate.
Speaker 1:That's it.
Speaker 3:They have their place. Yeah, Just not on my plate, that's all. But I see them people, they, they. They had them Chitlins with their little rice and all that. They, you know.
Speaker 1:So do you, so you don't cook, I prefer not to.
Speaker 3:I just prefer not to. Yeah, it's not, it's not my thing we haven't you know, we haven't joined together, we haven't built a relationship yet. I really want them. You know, I really want them.
Speaker 2:See, I love people like Lanna, because she made this mold for me. There it is, you can, you can. You can have my food.
Speaker 1:You can have my food.
Speaker 3:You can have my portion.
Speaker 2:Oh, I will share my portion.
Speaker 3:Let's see, all right, we're going to go ahead and get started. We're going to go along.
Speaker 1:All right, all right, they said they said, they said, they said they said, they said, they said you know they said they want me to skip the show.
Speaker 1:Basically, with this podcast episode pretty much, I've been seeing a lot of people being dealing with grief. Grief is such a heavy topic, especially during the holidays, people don't know how to be able to handle you know the holidays, you know dealing with grief and dealing with the loss of loved ones. And so this, this podcast live, was I want to discuss, like how can we come up with a I guess you can say a roadmap to help process grief and how to help somebody through that process? And my very first question that I want to start off is what was life like during the holidays before the loss of your loved ones? You go ahead.
Speaker 2:I think for me, thanksgiving, you know, was the, the time we all came together. So, you know, even was great. I think Christmas was more personal time. You know, it was just me, my mother and you know, my sister around Christmas time. I remember my mother. She always wake us up every year like we didn't know the story, but she said us down, told us the story of Jesus being born. You know what the real Christmas was. So, I mean, holidays was great, you know. Growing up, I can honestly say, you know, around Christmas time, most kids looked for toward the gifts in which, of course, I did, but I'm more of a more of a relationship type guy. I was a child. I just love that time, you know, spending together. So I mean holidays for me. Growing up, and you know, before my mother passed away in 2011 was, you know, but smile and good memories, man, yeah.
Speaker 3:I think holidays were, as you say, yours, as when you're younger you have fun, fun memories. You just remember everybody being together, just the food, the laughter, the cutting up or whatever you know. And it was Thanksgiving was more of a time where you had pretty much everybody come together. You know it's always one that one relative that will host and everybody come all various as a family. You know siblings and things like aunts and uncles, everybody you know. Christmas, at the same time, was more of an intimate thing with your immediate family. So it makes a difference. When those individuals were there. You just you have those memories sometimes.
Speaker 3:I think that when you get to a space where they're like now, currently, and they're no longer there, you're like man, you know. You have those moments. You're like man, you know, and those memories just kind of flood. They just kind of flood where you remember certain things, certain things you were doing, certain things people said with your loved ones. You know you can remember certain things. They wore, you know. And it's interesting how that happens a lot of times, because you have how those memories become so vivid, they become so clear. It's like HDTV just playing your mind, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can remember during Christmas well, even between Christmas and Thanksgiving we would play car games with her because she loved Pity Pat, pity Pat. She would love that. So we would play those games and every time she'll have a mate made a cards winner, she'd like hold it, hold it. She'll give the cards. It'll be hilarious the way she'll say that. I'm trying to see if we did. I think we did bingo too, that she liked bingo, but definitely Pity Pat, pity Pat was her favorite, favorite game.
Speaker 3:I'm not mad at her. That was actually my first card game I ever learned, and my grandmother taught it to me. That's the first game I ever learned. Then I learned some other stuff that I probably wasn't supposed to, but that was one of the first games I learned, so I'm not mad at great-grandma, yeah yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mother she, she, she, she made sure we played that game. And then you know, after that, then we'll break off, you know we'll play our spades and tonk, et cetera. Yeah, but yeah, it's good times. And then I can remember where, when she would cook her that cornbread in in the cast iron skillet, Absolutely oh. Oh, good oh good so, good so, good so, good so good.
Speaker 1:So, um, so take me through the process. Uh, and I know this will, I know this may be a little difficult for you guys, but um, just take me through the process of when you lost, um your love one, from handling the whole grieving process, like your from your daily activities to explaining, um you know, like your children, um, what happened to the business side of it as far as, like, handling funeral arrangements. How did you process in, cope with the whole experience Like, um, how was that whole experience with that? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:You want to. Um, mine was a little different because I was in high school with with my first major loss with um, you know, my was my mother, of course, um, I was a senior in Month into my senior year and she passed away on the 17th of September Uh, but, um, when that day came I was kind of um I want to say ready, because you know you, never ready I was, but I was kind of here because six days before that 10th, 11th I never forget it I was uh in Greenwood at my father's house and he was actually up uh in the middle of his sermon preaching, and I remember the phone ringing. At that time he was a pastor of a small Baptist church. You know, in the small Baptist church you hear everything. Yeah, I never the um the phone ringing like it, just the church phone kept ringing.
Speaker 2:And I knew something was wrong then because at the time my mother was in Atlanta, um, kind of like a last resort type of thing. No, family was desperate, just trying to save her life. She was um at a natural holistic doctor and already by this time she had that suffered a seizure which kind of left her in a vegetative state. So of course I'm worried the entire time trying to figure out. You know, keep school up trying to keep a smile on my face, but you know, inside I'm just all over the place and I never forget the phone kept do something was wrong and, um, my father had to actually literally leave the pulpit because one of the deacons told him that the phone call with him and I knew then that the firm, you know, kind of my suspicion and he didn't tell me, of course, until after that we had to rush to Atlanta where my mother was because she had suffered a stroke, uh, another, and so you know I'm seeing her, and then my aunt and um, telling us to she, I never forget, she told me and my sister that can we just come in and tell my mother that it was okay for her to transition because she had fought for so long? Um, she always said she, you know her children just making it, you know, into the real world. That's all she wanted to see. And having to look at her, you know so many tools and stuff connected to her. So I kind of knew, you know, that's the day that I kind of processed the fact that you know, any day now my mother would you know, transition in. Six days later, on the 17th, we got the call um that she had passed away.
Speaker 2:And so this for me, um, unfortunately, um was kind of like disassociating myself from everything and everyone. Uh, because my sister's five years older than me, so I'm 17. My sister had already been out of the house for like four years with college and, you know, doing the whole adult life. She was married, um had her first child, my niece, so it was just me and my mother. So that was kind of I went from her being my everything to now having, you know in my mind, just disassociating myself from everything. Um, my grades and school started to slip Like I would go home and I would just literally cut off the lights and just stay in the dark, you know, until it was time for me to do it again. Um, and you know that was kind of my life Um, for the next two and a half three years.
Speaker 2:My wife she wasn't my wife at the time but, uh, you know she was there, my aunt was there.
Speaker 2:You know people were just trying to, um, you know, see the old me, but I really didn't know how to be the old me because that was wrapped up in the person that I just lost.
Speaker 2:So I mean, it was, it was a very rough go. Um, I would say the first three and a half years, um, you know, dealing with anxiety, uh, anger issues, I mean lightest thing could set me off. So, especially around you know, these times, holidays, um, it really wasn't until I had a come to Jesus moment. I was in the room literally just me, my wife, um, and you know God kind of had to tug on my heart to uh draw me into him, draw me back to what I knew. Um, that was like four, three or four years later. So the grief process, uh, really doesn't have a timetable. You know, uh, talking about three and a half years, that I just was back and forth, back and forth, and even after that, you know, even that realization with God, you know it was still sometimes a struggle Uh, so you know that whole grieving process is, is is very unpredictable, uh, to say the least.
Speaker 3:I agree with that, so there's no time frame.
Speaker 2:Not at all, there's no time frame at all.
Speaker 3:When you're um, one thing that I struggled with for me was for a moment to when you're everything that you know, you're every you know what you know to be your everyday. That constant that's been in your life is no longer there Absolutely, and that that was what. What do I do? You have like what? What do I do? Um, yeah, experiencing with, like I was very close with my grandmother. Most people thought, even at church. Most people thought that you know, mama Kelly was actually my mother, but she's my grandmother, you know that's.
Speaker 3:That's, that's all I know, that's where I you know where I grew up. And her my yeah, her, my grandfather, that's. That's it was. It was hard, one thing I used to always say, and even living here, living here, living here in Atlanta previously, before um coming back to South Carolina.
Speaker 2:Cause.
Speaker 3:I I would always say I'm not moving back to South Carolina.
Speaker 3:Why would I do that? Why would I do that? But uh, it didn't hit me to after, but got orchestrated for me to be there, um, job transition, uh, went to Charlotte, then back in Greenville and then back in Greenville, kind of set up state, you know, built home everything. And when all this was happening was when, kind of like, things turned health wise for my grandmother she was in renal failure and um, things of that nature. She would always, you know, say she wasn't going to go, um, you know, do certain things or whatever. She kept pushing Um, and what was interesting was, um, when I got started failing, um, my grandfather was always that person. Also to he was like I'm not going on, doctor, they just want to co-pay, they just want to co-pay. So, you know, but his health has started transitioning as well. And he ended up on that Alice's actually before my grandmother and to see them start to go through what they were going through.
Speaker 3:I used to always say what would I do without my grandparents? What would I do without my grandmother? My grandmother's, my, my, everything, my was my best friend. You know, I talked to my grandmother about any and everything, you know, and she was always that person, um, that was there, um, for me in, in whatever state. You know, whatever state I was in, whatever I was going through it could be early morning, a late night, whatever we have conversations and I always felt as though like what would I do? But I felt it.
Speaker 3:The things I'm saying now. It was not a realization then, but I understood it later. But I feel as though that I was being prepared, and my grandmother was preparing me, to be there with them to go through what they went through, health-wise, and to be of assistance in whatever capacity that looked like financial, whatever they needed. I wanted to make sure they had it. I busted my tail to do whatever it was that I needed to do, and even prior to transition, I remember when we were sitting on the porch, it was Mother's Day and I was talking to her and told her that I wanted to open a restaurant one day and want to do some things, and she was like you can do it, god, god. And she, her favorite word was hallelujah, and so.
Speaker 3:I said Grandma. I said what if I name it after you? What if I name it after you she?
Speaker 2:was like you don't name something. Hell well, as I said, yeah it's different.
Speaker 3:It's different, but my grandmother had. She had failed in going to die last season. One morning my brother had gave up his apartment and he was residing with them because at this point they needed round-the-clock care and my other family members, crystal and my mom, until everybody was kind of pitching in and she fell and she went to. They just figured that she had a little bump. They took her to the ER and she went to. She still ended up doing her dialysis or whatnot.
Speaker 3:And so the afternoon I talked to her. We talked every day and I said I said Grandma, I said you first said she was like I think I broke my neck. I was like, grandma, you didn't even break your neck. Now, I don't think you broke your neck. They wouldn't let you go home if you broke your neck and she was, but she was in pain and about. Actually, this was 2017. Actually, the factors was going to a soup bowl, and that's my team. I know they ain't doing much now, but I wanted to make a plans to go. I wanted to go and she ended up going to the hospital again because she had been in a lot of pain and discomfort and my brother was like he was like I ain't never time I try to lift her, she's climbing, whatnot. So she went to the hospital and she ended up she actually had broken it.
Speaker 2:The third break was broken.
Speaker 3:So they had her in a few contraption and whatnot. And she was there. She was still Mama Kelly, she was talking and whatnot, and talked to. Her Family came to see her and whatnot. And I said, well, I'm going to go. She's like yo Falcons. I say yes, ma'am.
Speaker 3:But what was interesting was when I got there I couldn't enjoy the game. It was just something that wouldn't. I just it didn't feel right. Something felt different. And that night my aunt, tina, was there and she called and she said that grandmother had basically suffered a stroke and things kind of took a turn. But I knew, before I had left, she was talking and I was like, well, what happened? Because she was talking and everything she had just told me, because I was in like laying over a bed before I left, and she was like you need to leave me a piece of change. And I said, girl, what you need somebody for. We were joking back and forth.
Speaker 3:But then I came home early that morning and something told me to go get my grandfather and so I went pick my grandfather up and we went to the hospital and my grandfather was starting to experience a little bit of dementia a little. But when we got there and we went in and I still have the video today and I just kind of videoed their interaction. And he was talking to her but she wasn't fully conscious. But she came to and he was talking to her what night? And it was just us in the room and she mumbled, she said where you been? And I said I'm here, grandma, I'm here. And we were there that day. But that evening family started coming. But that evening my grandfather didn't want to leave. He didn't want to leave and I said well, granddad, I got to take you back Because at this time he was in a rehab facility. And I said I got to take you back. But we called them and they told us that we could stay or whatnot.
Speaker 3:But that next morning I got up. We got up that morning and I went and when I got there, me and my brother got there. They had, they said they were taking her down to dialysis. She's going to do dialysis. And I said well, what time will y'all be back? And they said they will be back. She'll be back by 10 o'clock. So me and my brother went to get something to eat. We came back and we were in the room. She still wasn't back.
Speaker 3:Well, the nurse came in. The hospice nurse came in and she started talking to me and she was saying about the care they were going to do to kind of help with the fractured vertebrae in her neck and whatnot. And so in the entrance of her talking they brought my grandmother in. But when they brought her in then she was sitting straight up. They had her up in the bed but she was making this gurgling noise and I said why is she doing that? And so they were having to. She was like well, she can't swallow good, and so they got her in the bed and got her back on her bed and she was laying there.
Speaker 3:My brother and I were standing on either side of her and she wasn't verbal at all, other than the only thing that she said. She just kept saying huh, like that. But she had her eyes fixated, looking straight up. Her eyes were fixated, looking straight up, and my brother, he was like Land. You know, grandma always had been afraid of heights. And the nurse, she rubbed me on my back and she said, sweetheart, she said your grandmother is transitioning. And so I called the family and I told I called my mom and I called me and I said if y'all coming, y'all need to come on. And so I had my iPad with me and I started playing music.
Speaker 3:And I started playing music and I was singing tour and whatnot, and the family got there, family came it was about 6.30 that evening and everybody had got there and when everybody was around the bed and Monique and Crystal kind of got in the bed and my grandmother had a pacemaker and so they laid on it and I was rubbing her, I was rubbing her and I was just talking to her and I felt something came over me and I said I told her. I said, grandma, it's okay.
Speaker 2:I said it's okay.
Speaker 3:I said we're gonna be all right. We're gonna be all right. I said I promise. I said we're gonna be okay. I said I promise I'm gonna take care of granddaddy and I'm gonna look after granddaddy. And she looked back like this and I said it's okay, you've done a great job, you've done, you've served, you've given your all. I said it's okay and she closed her eyes and that was it. Wow, she closed her eyes and that was it. And to be in the space with her, with everybody, when she took her last breath, was something. And I was. I was hurt, but I was stronger than I thought I would be. That's love.
Speaker 3:I was stronger than I thought I would be. And I was, I was, it was almost kinda I can't really explain it it was just almost kinda like I just it's like I, my mind, I always thought that I would just, I would just lose it, I would just break. But I did, and I know there was nobody but God, I know there was nobody but God, and to have to be part of the planning and to be part of the planning and you know, make arrangements and to you know, do things, do everything. That's a space I had never said in before, I had never said in before and I, I was like I, I, I didn't know everything, but the interesting part was y'all, I went, I went to work, I didn't stop, I went to work, I went to work and I was actually I'll never forget I was actually working on. One of the computers was down and I was on the phone with the tech person. I was talking to him or whatever, and in the midst of me doing that and talking to you started roping Wow.
Speaker 3:And it didn't, it didn't stop, and so I actually at that point I had to dismiss myself from work and I just drove.
Speaker 3:And I was just driving and then, when it got to the point to where they were, like we need you to come, the funeral service, the funeral home, he got you like we need you to come, so you know the check off, and I told my cousin, I said I said I trust your judgment, I couldn't make myself go. I couldn't make myself go, and it was late that evening before I did, before I actually went to the funeral home, and it was something to see her, you know her body, just there, and it it took me. It took me. It was like I didn't want to accept it, I really didn't, but I found it in a strength to be able to push through and I did something I thought I would never do and I spoke at my grandmother's funeral. I spoke at my grandmother's and that was something. But when we got to the grave I couldn't walk to the grave to see them put down, and that was a process, for for me, I couldn't make myself go to there when everybody wanted that.
Speaker 3:I stood in the background, I stood in the background, I stood away. I couldn't make myself, couldn't make myself go. And it was a few days later, a few days later, that I, um, I was sitting at home and I was just sitting there at my bar, the kitchen, and that's when everything hit me, when everything was for the emotion and hurt and anger and frustration I mean everything just just flooded. But it was, it was, it was a process, it was a process. For me, it was a prize, it was a process. And then not even it was.
Speaker 3:I had her birthday was coming up and I had asked her prior to what she wanted to do and she told me she wanted to fish fry. But I still did it. I still did it. So that morning of her birthday I invited everybody over. We had made plans to, you know, have a dinner and everything. I still did it. Everybody came, had a whole fish fry, the whole seafood, everything, and that on her birthday. That day. That, I'm sorry, guys, I lost my, lost my lights. I got back there. We go. That evening Everybody was leaving and I got a calm and get to the hospital.
Speaker 3:My grandfather's the house and my grandfather passed on her birthday and it was only six weeks later Wow.
Speaker 3:But, I got in the car to leave and I was getting ready to drive and guys, before I even got to the hospital, I broke and I like to do a screen, I like to do a screen. And when we got to, my step sister ended up driving me and we got to the hospital. My grandfather had had transition and it was. But the interesting part, y'all, the what was, what was amazing, what was really amazing that morning. That morning I was in my closet and.
Speaker 3:I don't know what it is. Every time something's getting ready to happen or changes happening in my life or something big, I end up in my closet, literally in the closet, and I was in the closet and I was sitting on the floor and I you guys know my grandmother always song and I could hear but, I, would hear this song.
Speaker 3:And the song kept, was the song that was that was playing that came on, was I'm going to take a trip. And I said and I said my massage. And I was talking to her and I was like I miss, I miss you, saying and I miss us and we don't honor you today. Still, I'm going to keep my promise and everything. And I said and granddaddy, go take a gun. And on everything I heard my grandmother say I'm coming to get it. Oh, I did, I did.
Speaker 3:And that my stepsons had given me a shirt and I would have you know, I'll know if y'all knew on Facebook I would have different excerpts, different times when I would be with them and I would tell them a little story that they were, they were hilarious together. And she gave me a shirt and it said the Abbot and it will show. And I said I'm not gonna. I'm still smiling today, I ain't gonna break down on that because we's gonna celebrate today.
Speaker 3:And on her birthday that night, and when I was at the hospital and I was sitting on the floor in the hospital and it was clear to me I was like y'all. She told me that today and my aunt told me she said when my she says sometimes, sometimes the Holy Spirit will reveal things to you in a voice that is coming, that's familiar, they're speaking to you to let you know. And. But my grandfather passed on her birthday that night and that was to lose the two constant pillars in my life was hard because I was like, what do I do now? And that's why I say, when that constant, when your everyday constant, is no longer there, what do you do? What do you do? It took a lot of prayer.
Speaker 3:A lot of moments of writing the card and talking to you know, talking to God, you know, get a little frustrated, you know.
Speaker 3:But it's what I learned and I actually, I went to therapy, I did therapy and one thing was to learn that grief is a process and there is no time yeah, there is no time. There are some days that you may laugh, some days you may smile, but whatever you feel feel, it Fill it in that moment and you and you sit in it and then you know you come out of it. So holidays come around. It is. It is a little difficult sometimes, but I know for me, I can say for me, I try to find those memories, those fun memories where I laugh or smile, you know, and I appreciate, and what I start doing is appreciating the moments that I did have, because the selfishness in me wanted them here.
Speaker 3:Absolutely yeah, selfishness in me wanted them here, and that's what I had to learn. It was. It was me being selfish, but I had to understand that. I knew that the state that they were in they were no longer enjoying life Exactly. So to have to battle physically, to have to struggle physically to where you're codependent on a lot of things and when, when death happens that way is a. It gives you a different spin. But to lose someone tragically, with no expectation, that's a blow Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a blow yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think sometimes the process of it, when it's Like you said earlier, xavier, is kind of like you kind of know what's happening. Yeah, you know, even though you don't want it to happen, you know what's happening. But for individuals that experience losing a loved one unexpectedly Right. That's that's a different fold. That's a. That's a different fold, yeah, yeah.