Agnes’s Little War

​​​Do citizens have the right to judge elected leaders on personal morals? An idealistic voter lost faith in a political candidate and is demanding that he return the contribution she made to his campaign. A man with ties to the candidate appears at her door, offering her money if she will "back off." Can her values stand up to the test?

Bernadette Armstrong directs a cast that includes Rosemary Thomas as Agnes and Gilbert Glenn Brown as Evan.

Rosemary FrisinoToohey is the playwright. A married mother of four, she resides in Baltimore. Her plays have received over 440 productions, domestically and internationally. Her full-length plays include Gladys in Wonderland, Crazy Quilt Blues, A Very Fowl Thanksgiving, Smoke in the Canyon, The Garbageman, Cornered, and more.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hello and welcome to Open Door Playhouse, a theater podcast that celebrates live theater on the podcast stage. I'm Rosemary Thomas. At Open Door Playhouse, we strive to bring our listeners thoughtful and surprising 10-minute shorts and one-out plays that showcase insightful and new perspectives of the world we share with others. Open Door Playhouse is a 501c3 theater organization. Support for Open Door Playhouse comes from listeners like you. Your tax-deductible donations help keep our plays on the podcast stage. Now playing in Theaters 117, Agnes's Little War, written by Rosemary Fresino Tulle and directed by Bernadette Armstrong, starring Rosemary Thomas as Agnes and Gilbert Glenn Brown as Evan.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Good morning, ma'am.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Good morning to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Say, I haven't seen one of those in a long time. That's an eight ball, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 1:16

That's what it is. It's giving me grief today.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

How so?

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Oh, it's a little game my husband used to play. Daniel always began the morning asking the April what kind of days it going to be. I told him he was being silly. But now that he's gone, I guess I've picked up his habit. Anyway, today it says, better not tell you now. What kind of answer is that?

SPEAKER_00 1:43

I'm sure I don't know. But uh would you mind if I sat down for a moment here on your porch?

SPEAKER_01 1:50

All right, you can do that. That fine suit you're wearing might get a little dusty, of course. But I'm not going to let you come inside.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Uh, no problem, ma'am. That's very wise of you. I wouldn't ask to come inside anyway.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Well, have a seat. Just so you know, Miss Jacobs across the street is keeping an eye on us. You can't see her, of course. She's behind the curtains. But she and I look out for one another.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

That's a great idea. Very smart.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Works for us. She's been here 42 years. I've been here 37. Now, why don't you tell me what you're selling?

SPEAKER_00 2:34

I'm not a salesman.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

That's what they all say. Come on, what is it? Aluminum siding, gutter covers?

SPEAKER_00 2:43

No, really. Uh you are Agnes Chomsky, correct?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

I am? And who might you be?

SPEAKER_00 2:51

The name is Evan Allen, and I've come to talk to you about your letters. Oh, you do write letters, I believe.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Of course. Doesn't everybody?

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Mrs. Chomsky. I think it's fair to say that you write more letters than the average person.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

That may be, but I have no way of knowing how many letters the average person writes.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Not many, I assure you. Most people today rely on email, text.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

So I hear. My great nephew couldn't thank me for his graduation gift because I'm not online.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Oh, that's a shame. But it's kind of the way of the world. True enough.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

So, you say you're not selling anything. Then how about telling me why you're sitting on my porch steps?

SPEAKER_00 3:41

I'll get right to the point, ma'am. You have written 21 letters to a certain gentleman. Now there's no need to deny it.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Oh, I'm not denying it, but you said 21 letters. You're wrong. It's 22.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Well, I stand corrected. Now, the reason I've come here is to focus on the claims you have made against this individual who shall remain unnamed, if you don't mind. I'm here to ask you what it would take for you to turn your attention elsewhere.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Are you a lawyer, Mr. Allen? You sound like a lawyer.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yes, ma'am, I am.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Well, if you read my letters, you would know exactly what I want, Mr. Please.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Please. No names.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

I have made it perfectly clear I want my $25 back. And I want an apology from him in person.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Seriously now, you cannot expect the individual of whom we speak to do what you want.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Why not?

SPEAKER_00 4:43

He's a very busy man. He can't call on every individual who contributed to his campaign. We're talking about tens of thousands of people. I I I I don't wish to be rude, but let's be realistic.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Why do people always say they don't wish to do something and then they go right ahead and do it?

SPEAKER_00 5:02

What you're asking for is impossible. I'm sorry. It's just impossible.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

And that's another thing. I don't think you're sorry at all. Sorry implies regret. That's not what you meant.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Mrs. Chomsky, until now, your letters have been an annoyance. A troubling annoyance to the gentleman involved. It's not to say he wasn't deeply concerned. But when you wrote that you were now sending copies of your letters to the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times, things took on a different character. And it's come to our attention that one of the TV networks might be interested in what you have to say. Not that we see your claims as anything but, well, preposterous. And I mean that in the kind of sense.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Of course you do.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

Now, I do not pretend to understand the workings of the news media, but I do know that what you've written, what you might say into a microphone, in front of a TV camera, these things could cause a great deal of harm. I'm not only talking about the unnamed individual of whom we speak, who is, by the way, trying to move on with his life. I read that he might run for office again. And he has that right. He is a fine lawmaker. The thing is, by turning the spotlight again on certain embarrassing behavior that has been duly reported in the press and is now largely forgotten, your views, if they came to light, could throw a shadow over his future as well as the future of his family, his friends, his party. They might even give the opposition ample ammunition to thwart the aims and goals of many people, many programs. Programs, I might add, that you have supported over the years.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

How do you know what I've supported?

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Let's just say we're aware of your political positions. Now perhaps what we heard was simply untrue. Maybe there is no TV crew on their way out here.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

But you're not sure. Is that it? Even though you think I'm something of a coop.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Now, ma'am, I did not use that word.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

My views, my preposterous views, claims that might get somebody's attention, is that it? And that's why you're here on my port steps this morning.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Ma'am, are you about to be interviewed by NBC? What if I were to ask the eight ball? Would the eight ball tell me that?

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Don't touch it, Mr. Allen.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Mrs. Chomsky, I have here an envelope. And inside is a check made out to you. It's a monetary gift, and may I say the amount of money is considerably more than the $25 you have asked for. Let's call it a gesture of goodwill. Now, this is yours, and all you have to do is give your word that you will cancel any TV interviews, say nothing to the news media, and stop writing those letters.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Really? Is that all? And where does the money come from?

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Let's just say it comes from a friend. The individual of whom we speak has many friends. They help him take care of things sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

So, I'm something to be taken care of?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Ma'am. We know you really don't want to cause any trouble to anyone.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Hmm. There you go again. How do you know that?

SPEAKER_00 8:33

You've never been in trouble with the law. You had a spotless work record, cleaning offices on the night shift for 22 years. You pay your bills sometimes a little late. Who told you that? It's nothing to be ashamed of. All the more reason for you to take what we're offering.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Do you think this is all about money? Do you think that's why I wrote those letters?

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Mrs. Chomsky, you have claimed that the gentleman owes you.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

He does. But there's a lot more to it than that. He presented himself as an honest man, a candidate to be president of these United States. He traveled around the country, was in the newspapers, showed up on television.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

It's what people do when they run for office.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

But he wasn't fit to hold the job. He talked about all the things he would do if he were elected, but he could not be elected, don't you see?

SPEAKER_00 9:29

His numbers in the initial primaries were very strong.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

But he lied. He broke a vow. He was unfaithful to his wife.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

That may be. But why do you have the right to take offense?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Mr. Allen, when I contributed to his campaign, when I gave him that money, I did it because I believed he could make a difference in the White House. But you cannot expect I can expect anything at all. My expectations are my business.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Agreed. But the gentleman's transgressions were his own business. You've got no right to start a war over it. What he did, what he didn't do, it's a private matter.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

It would be a private matter if he wanted to be president of a bank or the head of a department store chain. But we're talking about the most important job in the country. Maybe the most important job in the world. The person who wants to sit where Washington and Lincoln and Truman and Reagan have said should be able to tell the difference between the truth and a lie. The promises they make, the vows they take, ought to mean something. Actions have consequences. He had no chance of becoming president after he did what he did. That means he took my money under false pretenses. Well, I want it back. And I'm not going to stop writing letters. And when the people from the today's show land on this porch tomorrow, I'll be right here. In a good dress, of course.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

I'm going to ask you one more time to reconsider your Put that envelope away, Mr.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Allen.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Very well, ma'am. I do regret that you're unwilling to see things our way. I came here in good faith. You might keep that in mind in the days to come.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

The days to come?

SPEAKER_00 11:35

As you say, actions have consequences.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

What are you getting at?

SPEAKER_00 11:39

As I pointed out, your financial picture is shaky. You're way behind on your gas bill. But more importantly, you haven't paid taxes on this house this year.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

I uh I was sick.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

I had to buy medicine, and how do you know what I Oh, you'd be surprised at the information that's available online these days. Be ashamed to lose this house, wouldn't it? Daniel's house?

SPEAKER_01 12:02

I am not. I am not going to lose it.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

I have every intention of Now I know you're not familiar with the internet, but are you aware of the fact that it's very easy to spread stories about people who have had their five minutes of fame on TV?

SPEAKER_01 12:17

What kind of stories?

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Huh? Some folks will probably figure that you're targeting a hardworking public servant who's reconciled with his family because you yourself are hard up for money. About to lose your house and land in the street. Others, of course, might see you in a different light. As a lonely, slightly unhinged little old lady. Who just wants attention.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

What do you what do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Well, you can ask the eight wall for an answer. I'll be on my way. Oh, you have a good afternoon, ma'am.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Our plays are produced by Bernadette Armstrong, recorded at the Oak House Studio in Alcadena, California, and next by our talented sound engineer, David Peters. Our sound effects are provided by Audio Jungle and music by Karaoke version. If you are interested in submitting a play for a production, you can find that information on our website, www.opendorplayhouse.org. Please share this podcast with friends and do not forget to subscribe so we will notify you when our next production is live.