Stop Drinking Podcast by Soberclear
The Stop Drinking Podcast by Soberclear is here to help you stop drinking alcohol and achieve the life of your dreams. We want to support people getting sober so they can get on with their life without feeling miserable. If you want to learn more about stop drinking coaching, head over to https://www.soberclear.com/
Stop Drinking Podcast by Soberclear
How I quit ALCOHOL overnight after 50 years of drinking (Soberclear Review 2025)
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Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help you make stopping drinking a simple, logical and easy decision. We help you with tips, tools and strategies to start living your best life when alcohol-free. If you want to learn more about stop drinking coaching, then head over to wwwsoberclearcom. 50 years trapped drinking alcohol, solved in under a week. Derek, a retired professional, is now 27 months sober. He said within 24 hours I stopped forever. No cravings, no willpower, just clarity. Alcohol had shaped Derek's life from age 15 onwards. Multiple failed attempts made him feel beyond help until he tried something different. I took Derek through my reframing approach and everything shifted. 27 months later, he's thriving. So what finally broke the cycle and how did he eliminate cravings? Well, today, that's exactly what we're going to unpack. Let's dive into Derek's amazing story and talk about the amazing results that have happened over the last 27 months. So, guys, today we have got Derek joining us from Southeast Virginia in America, so it's now been 27 months since he started the program. When's the last time you went 27 months without drinking, derek?
Speaker 2:Well, not since I was 15 years old, let's put it that way. It's been a very, very long time. Love it Well. It's a pleasure to have you.
Speaker 1:Let's put it that way, it's been a very, very long time Love it. Well, it's a pleasure to have you. So today, yeah, we're going to unpack your journey. You know the amazing changes that have happened in your life and, yeah, just can't wait for you to get this out there. So I appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 2:That's my pleasure. That's my pleasure. I hope me talking about this will maybe help some other person who thinks, oh well, I'm too old or I'm too far gone. Let me just tell you from my personal experience no, you're not, and it's worth it for you and for the people around you to do it, and I can't say that more from my heart than I just did just did so.
Speaker 1:let's start at the beginning, Derek. So yeah, how did alcohol become a part of your life?
Speaker 2:Well, you know, people often talk about how well is it, your environment or your genes, and my response to that question is always yes, it is. And because I sort of won and lost the genetic lottery, I come from a family that every male in it has major substance abuse problems. So that was a warning sign for me. All the time it was out there I knew I came from that and also the environment I was in because of those physical problems. It was a pretty dysfunctional family. Alcohol was everywhere and uh, you know, uh, yeah, it's, there's people, lots of people had worse. Mine was pretty bad and uh, but alcohol was just part of your life. When there was a problem, you reach for a drink because that would solve it. And I started drinking real early when I was 15. So that's kind of where we are, that's how you get started, and that was when I was 15 and kind of continued on from there.
Speaker 1:So when did you like realizing alcohol was a problem?
Speaker 2:Well, like I said, I knew I had my uh, my dad and his brothers. I mean, the example was there, I knew it. Uh, I knew alcohol wasn't great for you. But now we're going back almost 50 years here and you know people Hell. At that time we thought cigarettes were good, you know, or okay. So you learn a lot. But over time it just became clear to me that, uh, this wasn't good.
Speaker 2:I was actually trying to help my brother, uh, and I, if you look in my Kindle's a I don't know a whole bunch of you know how to quit alcohol or how to help yourself with alcohol. And in, in looking through that, it became pretty clear to me that, yeah, he had a problem, but so did I. And uh, from that perspective, you know it, and from that perspective you know it, it it to weigh on me maybe 20 years ago, that, hey, you know this is this isn't good. Uh, uh, I did try to stop a couple of times but uh, it you know, like he quit for Lent or whatever. And uh, and then what happened is, as soon as it was over, you go on a binge and, from my perspective, because of the work I did and the kind of things and people I was involved with, I think what they call a high functioning alcohol use disorder person. I always showed up for work. I was good, I did and romney were very good and we kind of set off each other in good ways because we collaborated and got things done. But there was also a big time function or an environment of alcohol and you know, uh, you, you end up with, uh, a whole bunch of things that don't and uh improve your relationship with alcohol and uh, that's that's kind of how I was getting to life.
Speaker 2:At the, at that 20 year point, I started trying to quit, like I said, and that's when I began to realize that, uh, this is really fricking hard to quit, like I said, and that's when I began to realize that, uh, this is really freaking hard to quit this really hard. And so, uh, as I looked through all the literature I had on uh alcohol, which you know ties into addiction and the relationship with alcohol and dopamine, that's when I began to realize that just how difficult this could be. It's a physical and psychological addiction and the two go. They're intertwined. Uh, when you drink alcohol, uh, the dopamine, which is your feel-good drug, kicks in really hard, except it's like amplified far more than if you're doing something really in george and she jumper. You know that that jolt you get when you go off that's that's dopamine.
Speaker 2:well, when you put alcohol into that mix, you amplify it and it's like an order of magnitude to stop just a little bit. You don't feel a little bit better, you feel a lot, but then you get a crash and that's why, and so you start chasing it and that's uh, you know, that's why you get those types of problems. From my perspective, I was not the guy who was, you know, knocking back a handle of vodka a day, although I worked with some people who were. I was a chronic kind of. You know, I used to track my alcohol use and I would look at it and they had, they had, uh, there's metrics in the, in the alcohol use disorder handbook, if you will.
Speaker 2:And uh, I was always at least double what that was in a weekly basis, and if it was a bad weekend it would be a bit worse, maybe quite a bit worse, you know. So that's kind of where I was with alcohol. It was a big part of my life, and but as long as I was working, there were breaks, you know, and then, and that was psychologically enough for me to overcome the, the urge to, to go over the edge. Most of the time not, but again, you do that for for decades and the amount of damage you're doing to uh your brain, your other organs liver of course, but it affects them all and uh your sleep patterns. And you know I'm still searching for that magical.
Speaker 2:this is why alcohol is good for you uh and every time I look at one of these studies that say it is, uh, somebody who used to do some pretty good analysis. No, that's not a study, that's an advertisement. Anyway, what else would you like to ask me?
Speaker 1:oh well, so so you started realizing, like 20 years ago, that yeah, okay, this stuff's not good. So then and then it sounded like you. You know this kind of like you. You it was causing some issues, but then you would have work where you'd stop for a period of time. So were there like specific things in those 20 years where you were like you know that would drive you to want to stop?
Speaker 2:Well, there were, like I say, I always showed up for work and uh tended to be in with a group of people who it's kind of funny. Uh, they say, well, so-and-so drinks more than I do.
Speaker 2:So you know, everything must be okay Well you know, that's, that's a bit of self-deception, if you will. Uh it it became. As I got older, I started to feel the effects more and I was starting to physically break down, and you know, and then, uh, as I was coming up on retiring, uh, well, the brakes were off, police, and you know you, you do that a couple of times. And then I, you know so I retired about eight, nine months before I got into your program, and there was a couple times there I said what the hell am I doing here? And I tried to. I actually, you know, approached a couple of these other programs and and tried to go through them and it didn't work. Uh, I think, as you recall well, you may not, it's been a couple of years, but when I talked to you I wasn't real optimistic and I think you had some.
Speaker 2:I think you had some hesitation about taking me on too because, uh, well, target demographic and all that a bit older. But I did and your approach was actually kind of similar to the way I had been going at it, in a kind of a step-by-step. You know, understand, you know, first thing you got to do is admit you got a problem, try to understand the problem and then try to figure out what you gotta do to solve it and then execute it. But the little bit of difference was having the skin in the game. I mean, your program is not free, but for a lot of people I think that is well. For me it was critical.
Speaker 2:You know, uh, I talked to my wife about it and she was kind of like, well, you don't drink that much and that's, that's really not true. Uh, you know, there's, uh, there's some things about alcohol. Uh, those of us who who drink a lot, we don't, we're not always real open about how much we're drinking and a lot of times the people, even the ones that are very close to us, don't realize how much it is, other than maybe the rare outburst and uh, so I'll just leave that right where it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Agreed, I know exactly what you're talking about. So yeah, and you know it's funny. Actually earlier today I did a call with Jeff, who is around the same time about two and a half years sober, and he said he didn't actually realize it until looking back, but he realized that he actually stopped the moment he decided to actually book a call with me and reach out for help and he realized that that was the turning point with just actually going. How much are you going to talk to somebody about this?
Speaker 2:Well, let me tell you, uh, the day I signed up with you, before I'd even finished, before I even got your stuff, I had stopped. That was the day. So Jeff and I have something in common, uh, and you know, maybe that's, that's just what it is, but whatever it is, it worked, and that's for me the all-important thing it worked thank you, love it.
Speaker 1:So maybe describe like how how different do you feel now compared to the times in the past where you know the 20 years that you were trying to stop for? What was the difference like? How do you feel now compared to them?
Speaker 2:well, let me. So, first thing, right out of the gate, you know you start sleeping better because and it takes a little while, it takes a couple of weeks but you've got a lot of uh, long-term damage. Your body's going to repair my case because of the length of time and really the uh, uh consistency. You know it was chronic abuse. I wasn't, like I said, I wasn't the guy drinking a handle of vodka, which I consider acute, although that could be chronic as well but I was long-term, way over the limit and it was an every night thing and then with, with you know, bursts of of worse. Well, when you take that away, I, so I never had to go through, like you know, the physical DTs or anything like that, but you do go through. It takes a couple of weeks for your body just to flush the stuff out and you start to feel better and and so that's good. Uh, then you know I started getting back into working out a bit and and I lost weight. I lost 15 pounds and and I probably look, uh, people run into me now and, in spite of the fact that I've lost a lot of hair, uh, you know they, they say, wow, you really look good and you know I feel good.
Speaker 2:So that's the, that's the, that's the all the upside it doesn't make your life instantly better that all the relationship issues, all the you know, whatever problems you have, are still there. But the important thing is you now are aware of them in a way you weren't before. You don't just slug back a couple of beers to kind of numb it and forget about it in the next morning. You still got the problem and you have capacity that you didn't have before to deal with issues. There are things that happen in life now that used to.
Speaker 2:I I've got a very bad temper and I that runs in the family. I've known that for years and I still do. But my ability to control it is about a hundred percent better, and and also my ability to deal with just everyday life and problems is better. Uh, you know, my granddaughter, my daughter, had to move in with us and you know, uh, I'm not sure I could have handled that many years ago and now I don't need it. It's just part of life. You just roll with it and it's good.
Speaker 2:You speak frequently about what's the upside to alcohol. Well, like I say, I'm still looking and you might get a 15, 20 minute buzz. Uh that, uh that first drink. Uh, that's that dopamine hit kicking in and boy, that feels good. But then the crash. When it comes down, you actually go below the dopamine level and now you're in. Your body says, hey, we got to go get this, and you know that's why you ended up sitting at the bar two in the morning looking for your next drink and everybody else was gone. I didn't do that, but I know I worked with people who did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a hundred percent. So what else improved? So you're sleeping better, you're losing weight, you know you're, you're dealing with problems better. What else Tell me more.
Speaker 2:Come on, well, you start uh looking around at people, you start engaging with them more. Uh, or and this is something I'm still not totally sure of Uh, I, I believe my uh persona or something changed a bit. Uh, I find that people approach me now uh readily I mean, maybe I just noticed it more but people will come up and stop or ask me a question or whatever. They don't hesitate. I, I have a feeling I might've looked pretty rough, maybe uh or gruff, you know, and you can be both uh, because I was always, you know, coming off a bad night's sleep, slightly hung over or worse.
Speaker 2:And uh now people, uh, I mean, I'll just be walking in the supermarket and somebody look at me and smile and you know, and I or maybe I just notice it, I don't know the fog you're in when you're coming off of uh, even just a couple of drinks because you sleep so poorly. I mean, one drink will ruin a night's sleep, and that's that's. That's a medical fact, that's not a, you know, an opinion. And when you don't sleep well, you are not anywhere near as functional as you are capable of and or should be. So that, I think, is a real plus.
Speaker 2:The wife and I have traveled. We've also, you know, I've done a couple things on my own. She's done a couple things on her own. We're going to go, you know, I've done a couple things on my own. She's done a couple things on her on her own. We're gonna go, uh, you know, visit her cousin in norway. Uh, later this summer.
Speaker 2:I in the past I would have hesitated to do that because of, uh, you don't realize how much alcohol controls your life. Anytime you're going to go, do something you start thinking about. Well, you know, is there going to be a bar there, or can I? You know, will I be able to, and even at the lower levels you're, you're, that's just something. You know I need that. I need those drinks every day, or I want to make sure I got them, and if I don't have them, you know I get cranky. Um, you take that out of your life and a whole bunch of things. All of a sudden you've got a lot more time and that's something.
Speaker 2:Uh, one of the programs I was looking at, uh, it involved taking a drug when I was trying to quit. I, I didn't. That didn't resonate with me at all. Uh, to me, taking a drug to you know it's like what is it? Methadone or whatever they give it to heroin addicts. What do you end up with? A guy addicted to methadone, uh, maybe that's better. I don't know. Never looked at it, but they had a you know a glossy trifold which was very professionally done, but they talked about the five thieves, the five thieves of alcohol, and one of them was the thief of time. Uh, the other ones were, you know, everything you, you can think of. That makes sense. Uh, it takes away your relationships, your confidence and so on, but you're, when you stop drinking, you gain time.
Speaker 2:And, and the important thing for me was that now I have this time I've got to do something with it and uh, it took me a while to figure that out Uh, but, and it will anybody, because all of us this is going to be a shift when you, when you quit and and you're not you've got to.
Speaker 2:You've got to do two things, I think you've got to find something that you like doing that you've been doing and go a lot harder at it. You've also got to try to find something new that really engages you and uh, that's really important because you've got about a lot of capacity and also you're chasing that dopamine hit and if you don't find something that gives you that, um, you know that's where you could maybe risk a relapse. It kind of sneaks up to you. You know that's where you could maybe risk a relapse. It kind of sneaks up to you. I have not felt that I have had absolutely zero, zero desire to drink. I don't mind being around drinking. We go, we go to parties, we've been on cruises. You know, uh, like I'm trying to learn how to dance that and that's.
Speaker 2:If you knew me better, you'd know you would do more than just grin at that. You would. You would be laughing your head off. But uh, anyway, that's. I'm just saying. You know you, you're not missing out on anything by not drinking, you are not.
Speaker 1:And you brought up some some really good points Like and you brought up some some really good points Like I love what you said about how people talk to you more Like you. It's like you're more inviting or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah that, that that was interesting. But then you said that you you've just mentioned this like. So I like what you're saying because you're being realistic, right. You're saying that it's not a magic pill. Your, your life's still going to have problems. They don't just magically all disappear just because you're not drinking a drug anymore. They're still there. But then you brought this subjective time on. And it's true, Especially if you're retired, you're going to have a ton more free time and energy. So what have you found? We're not going to say substitute, because there's no substitute for this, but what have you found? What have you been filling your time with instead of drinking like?
Speaker 2:well, I've been getting back more into uh, fitness, uh, which, again, as an older guy, you gotta. If, uh, there was a point in my life when I was very fit and that has served me well as I've gotten older, I found out that, as I was recovering from injuries which I induced on myself from doing things rather foolishly, you have to train differently and do it differently. But that's been a. You know, I like the golf, and if you're going to golf as an older type, you've got to. You don't get in shape playing golf, you have to get. I like to golf, and if you're going to golf as an older type, you've got to. Uh, you, you don't get in shape playing golf, you have to get in shape to play golf, and so that's been important. Uh, I mentioned the dancing that's.
Speaker 2:That has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done and I've done some pretty challenging things over the years, but it it's, it's a totally new skillset years, but it it's, it's a totally new skillset. And, uh, you know, the people that were trying to have been trying to teach me are are pretty amazing. Uh, it, it's a little funny uh, taking a one of the trips I went on. Uh, you know, I was in amongst some people who are maybe a bit out of my socioeconomic scale, but I fit in okay, and for whatever reason, a couple of them, um, they also stopped drinking and they told me that I, I had inspired them to stop and that caused me a lot of I didn't know what the. It was a strange emotion. I didn't know how to feel about that, I mean, cause it was kind of like, uh, and I still have yet to really figure it out I was maybe embarrassed or I I don't know, but I was so grateful that that had happened, but I also didn't really understand it.
Speaker 1:Uh, this is, this is post, stopping right.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:It wasn't during the drinking Cause, then it would be quite offensive.
Speaker 2:No, this I. When we were, you know, sitting down to a dinner and they came around, I said no, I stopped. And oh, do you not drink? I said no, I did drink, but I, I stopped. And at the time that was, I stopped oh, do you not drink? I said no, I did drink, but I stopped. And at the time that was, I think I was a year into it, and they, we chatted a little bit, I was very open about it. And then a couple, about a month or so after the trip, they contacted me and said, yeah, we, we both quit, we're done. And and you were a big part of it, and I, I, like I said, I was dumbfounded.
Speaker 1:So that's, that's it. You don't know who you're influencing. We've initiated the thing.
Speaker 2:You can't tell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't tell people to stop, but you can set the example. It's all you can do.
Speaker 2:Well, and I guess maybe that's it. I don't really consider myself a good example. I consider myself a bad one. 50 years, almost no.
Speaker 1:Well, that but, that's the whole point is that if you can drink for 50 years, struggle for 20 and still change, I mean you're the perfect example.
Speaker 1:Yes, uh, and that's maybe where I got to kind of shift my frame of reference, if you will, a little bit. But uh, yeah it's, and I think, yeah, I think one of the things is because we're doing this quite far into your journey. It's not like it was three months ago, where you can remember all the bad things, Like it's so it's such a long time ago now that everything's just completely normal, Like this is just how life is for you now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I ago now that everything is just completely normal, like this is just how life is for you now. Yeah, I mean, this is like I say, there's there's no urge to drink at all. Uh, there is an urge to, I guess, maybe try to do things better, and and that gets a little frustrating at times because, uh, I, I'm, there's a couple, I'm doing a little bit of writing and there's a few other things that I'm involved with. At times I'm borderline ADHD. I think I'm kind of bouncing around so much and maybe I need to be a bit more focused, but, on the other hand, I've got a lot more energy than I used to have. There's good and bad, and it's always a matter of, uh, it's trying to develop good habits and good process vice. You know the old habit, uh, man, I look back at it and the habits I used to have, it was like clockwork. You know, this is what I'm going to do, and a lot of it was really bad.
Speaker 1:No. So without, without trying to, I don't want you to sell the program, I want you to give your version of like how, how you would handle this. So if you could go back to your old self the wanted to change but wasn't sure what to do, but they had the desire to change what would you go and tell that version of you now?
Speaker 2:So what I will do is assume that I I didn't have the life experience that I'd already had where I had been trying to help my brother and digging into things. And if, if you're someone who's just been drinking for a long time, habitually, and you wanna stop but you're at a loss, your program lays out sort of a step by step. I mentioned it earlier. You know the first rule of holes you want to get out, quit digging. Uh, you, you really got to recognize you got a problem.
Speaker 1:I said don't sell the program.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I'm sorry, this is, this is where you've got to. You got to look at yourself and you know, and, and if you're, if you're struggling, well, you need a framework, you need something that gives you, uh, human beings, love frameworks. That's what we, that's what we survive on, because the world is too complex for us to just take it in and react. So, you, that's what we do. We try to put things in boxes and and re, so that we can work our way through systematically. Uh, that's that's what you need. And and it. You know I, I fumbled around looking for something to do that Um and uh it you know it took me a while.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, knowing you have a problem doesn't mean you can solve it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember I got a highly skeptical email from you saying I've bought this person program and it was. It was rubbish and he won't give me my money back. And uh and uh, I know what first principle was thinking is from previous work, but I actually read it before we got on the call. I know what first principle is thinking is from previous work, but I actually read it before we got on the call. I know what it is but I'm a skeptic, something along those lines. But I think you'd already done a lot of like the your own kind of analysis of how alcohol is impacting your life. I think you were quite far on in your journey mentally and then it was kind of like for you just needed a few key pieces and then it ordered, brought everything together for you.
Speaker 2:It's, it's. You know, you can have all the pieces in in a puzzle, uh on the table, and you might even have, uh, the rough edges sorted out. But there's when you're doing a puzzle where all of a sudden things start coming together and that's where, uh, that was. That was sort of the moment when, all of a sudden, gears were grinding, they weren't meshing the clutch thing, and then all of a sudden it slipped in and and the engine stopped screaming and it started purring. And you know, there, uh, it was just like, yeah, okay, this, yes, this is it, this is the way forward. Um, this is it, this is the way forward? Um, it's, it's in.
Speaker 2:Everyone is going to be different and everybody's going to have to find their own way. But the framework, you know, if, if you can get yourself into that framework and then you can start, kind of it's almost like monkey bars when you're a kid you know I'm here and I want to go there, well, you start swinging yourself along and you get into a rhythm and the next thing, you know, you're on the other side and you say, well, that wasn't that hard. Well, yeah, that's because you were hanging on one, you know, bar at a time and and doing it without you know, any sort of assistance. Uh, using the laws of physics and momentum to get you moving so you could get to the other side. Uh, you know, your, the stuff you've got gives that framework, uh, meat. It puts meat on the bone, if you will.
Speaker 1:So I think, I think the I didn't want you to sell the program, man, but I appreciate these kind words. It's so, it's so lovely to hear. But I think the thing you to sell the program man, but I appreciate these kind words it's so lovely to hear. But I think the thing you're saying is, yeah, you've got to admit you've got a problem, but then you've got to find a framework. So don't struggle on your own, go and find something out there. It doesn't necessarily need to be this, it can be something else. And my mum, so my mum drank for all 20 years. That was her framework. Like it is a framework, it's just not one that we want to use, but it's, it's still the same principle that you're kind of recommending no, and what you just described is is an important point.
Speaker 2:uh, everybody is different. Uh, a work has worked for millions of people. Uh, it, I looked at their program pretty hard. I mean, I go to a church where they've got the nightly meetings and I uh this, just, uh, no, I, you know that that the mental, it wasn't for me and I'll just leave it at that and it is a good program. Yeah, very, it's better than good. It's it's a lifesaver for people, but it just leave it at that and it is a good program. It's better than good, it's a lifesaver for people, but it just wasn't for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, isn't it funny. I'm the person that benefited from AA more than anybody that went to AA, because my mom got sober and raised me sober, right, so I'm the one that benefited the most from it. But then I now have an alternative to that program. It's quite funny, right? Because it didn't work for me and I wasn't going to do that either, like hell, no, but your advice is golden, so let me ask you this.
Speaker 1:So I think one thing people struggle with is reaching out for help because you have to and Jeff said this on the previous call and I don't want to give you the answer before he said it, but he made a great point. He said you got to swallow your pride, and it's a fricking hard thing to do, especially when you're male to to reach out for help and say do you know what? I don't know how to do this, what I've been doing is not working. So what would you say to somebody who's kind of at that place where they know they've got a problem, but you know they're holding onto their pride, they're afraid to reach out for help?
Speaker 2:I would agree with Jeff about swallowing your pride or admitting. I mean, we all think we're big and tough and strong, and in many ways we are, but sometimes you get yourself into a situation where you need someone to give you a hand, whether you're part of a team or whether you're a crew or whatever. So we do it through life and this is maybe one of the most important things you're ever going to do. You know you got a problem. You do it at work, or you've done it in your career, or you've done it in other areas of your life. Uh, and yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:This is where the the the really tough part comes is admitting to, uh, the people close to you and your loved ones that, yeah, you know you got a problem and you got to do it. And, uh, you know it's critical for them to support you and my family did, and for them to support you and my family did, and and that you know. So there's a team there, uh, and then the group uh, you know the, the discussions you guys have two days a week. I try to get in there, but it just I just never seem to make it uh with joe, but it you really. Maybe that's that little extra that gets you, that's that final log on the pile that lets you get over the hump, if you will, and get into an area where you can start to fix your problem.
Speaker 1:Thanks for checking out the Stop Drinking Podcast by Sober Clear If you want to learn more about how we work with people to help.
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