It Sucks... But Without It You'll NEVER Quit Alcohol

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Transcript

Welcome And The Alcohol-Free Goal

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Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help you make stopping drinking a simple, logical, and easy decision. We help you with tips, tools, and strategies to start living your best life when alcohol free. If you want to learn more about stop drinking coaching, then head over to www.soberclear.com. If you want to stop drinking alcohol and make it feel easy, where there's no effort, no struggling, no fighting, there is a mistake that you must not make. In fact, through working with hundreds of clients, through having thousands of phone calls over the past six years, I've seen this mistake come up time and time again. It's one of the easiest to avoid, but it's also one of the hardest to push past. So we're gonna break this down and I'm gonna show you how you can never make this mistake. See, when I drank, I made a lot of mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes and I did a lot of things wrong. Drink driving, right? Arguments, fighting, being mean to my family. I don't know. The list just goes on and on and on. The drunk Leon and the sober Leon are two different people. When I don't drink, I'm a good person. I'm honest, I'm there for people. You know, if a friend is there needing help, I'll be there for them. When I drank, something changed. I became selfish. I didn't put other people first, I put myself first. For example, drink driving, one of the most selfish actions you can take. You're putting your laziness to order a taxi, and you're literally putting the comfort of just getting in your car and driving home over the safety of so many people. And when I got sober, I had two options. Was I going to spend multiple months or years talking with a therapist, thinking about all those bad things I'd done? Was I going to take a 12-step approach where I go and make amendments and apologize for all of these bad things? Or was I going to do something different? See, if you ask me, and this is just my opinion, you may disagree. In fact, I'm sure that there are therapists, psychologists, doctors out there that will say that my advice is dangerous. But I don't care. I'm not trying to save the world. I'm trying to help you fix this problem. I'm trying to share what worked for me. But was I going to go and just try and fix all of the bad things that I'd done? Well, in some ways, that's probably a good idea. There's probably some people I should apologize to, there's probably some people I did upset. But for me to really focus on that and just sit in this self-pity and this pain and this feeling of, well, I'm sorry, everybody, and do that for multiple months and then talk with a therapist about this problem and that thing. And was that really going to help me get sober? And listen, I've worked with people who have got PTSD. Soldiers that have been on a front line, that have seen some of the worst things a human should ever see. I've spoken with those people. They need to do this. That was part of their path. But that wasn't me. I've spoken with the therapist, right? I've done that work, but to get me sober, I didn't see a link. Putting all of my energy onto the past was going to keep me stuck as a version of me that I didn't want to associate with anymore. And this is the mistake. It's focusing on the past. See, when I first got sober, I had a mentor. And this mentor was a self-improvement business mentor. He'd made all of this money. He was extremely successful and extremely young. Actually, this was one of the first people I saw that didn't drink alcohol and had extreme levels of success and helped so many people. So I had this connection with this person of like, oh wow, look, if you don't drink, you can actually be more successful. So that was really helpful. But the other thing he used to say, if you want to change permanently, and he wasn't talking about stopping drinking, it was really just about changing your identity to become a business person. It's very, very interesting, this man. He would say, drop the stories of the past. Because he would say that the past keeps you stuck. If you've got these stories about how you're not good enough for a business, how you've always had a stable job, how you don't like talking to people or selling or marketing or learning or concentrating, you're gonna have all of these stories. He said, they've all got to go. All of it. And what he actually said is you should rewrite your past into the present day so today you can become somebody new. And all of your past was leading towards this next version of you. And this was profound. At the time, I'm thinking, well, because this is this was part of my transition to helping people stop drinking. I have all of these stories of the past of how I've never helped somebody stop drinking alcohol. But he said, well, use the past, tell a different story, not as a failure or as a loser or as someone that had a drinking problem. You have this story that has created the person you are now and you can evolve into somebody else. And he said, Write the story down and forget about it. And then he said, What you need to do is show up every single day as the future you. And I'd never heard that before. And he would, he would really be encouraging and say, you know, you can design who you need to be to achieve your dream life. And that's what I did. What the first year that I stopped drinking alcohol, I wasn't making videos and trying to help people. I was trying to become this sober version of me. And part of that was making videos, building the business I've always wanted, an online business. And I'd show up every day and I wouldn't have this story of the past with addiction and being a failure and destroying my personal training business. I forgot about it. And instead, I designed the person I needed to become to achieve the life I wanted. Part of that was not drinking. And I put all of my energy into this new version of me and the old version of me, the past, done. It is what it is. I can't change it. If you ask me, this is the gift that you can give to people if you've upset people. You know, if you have some shame and some bad things that you've done and you want to go and apologize, yeah, sure. I'm not saying don't apologize, but I'm saying that that's like an afternoon. Don't get me wrong, there's, you know, different people are gonna have different levels of pain that they've caused people, but what do those people really want for you? Do they really want to hear an apology? Or do they want to just see you, get better, be consistent, and become someone new? They want to see this new version of you that doesn't drink and they're successful and they're there for people and they're happy and they're positive. If you want to know the harsh truth here, being focused on the past is selfish. What you're really doing is thinking of all the bad things that you're doing, you're creating this feeling of pain inside, of shame, and that just keeps you stuck. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. Radical self-acceptance. You did what you did, nothing's gonna change it. If you've had a bad upbringing, it is what it is. It's not your fault. Whatever has happened in the past, radical self-acceptance. It happened. Forgive yourself and move on. Sitting in the past, feeling shame, feeling guilt is going to keep you stuck there. And it might not make a hundred percent sense for me to say that that's a selfish action, but it is. You need to evolve, become better, become somebody new so then you can start showing up for the people that you love. Don't focus on the past. Focus on who you're becoming next. Thanks for checking out the Stop Drinking podcast by Soberclear. If you want to learn more about how we work with people to help them stop drinking effortlessly, then make sure to visit www.soberclear.com.