In this collaborative episode, Carrie, Amy, and Sara discuss how best to support friends and family members who are going through difficult times. Speaking from personal experience, they talk about the blessings and difficulties of walking through suffering with others. This episode practically discusses how to provide compassionate care to others, alongside what is and isn’t helpful when walking through something difficult with friends. They share stories and insights on vulnerability, carrying other friends’ burdens, and navigating grief.
Ep.146; October 24, 2023
Key Moments:
[4:30] Empathetic listeners
[7:50] Unhelpful platitudes
[11:54] Having different friends is important for different aspects of life
[17:42] Shying away from suffering
[21:10] Being with people, not solving the difficult questions
[24:36] How to support friends with “fewer” burdens
Resources:
And Life Comes Back by Tricia Lott Williford
Every Moment Holy Volume II
If you enjoyed the show:
In this collaborative episode, Carrie, Amy, and Sara discuss how best to support friends and family members who are going through difficult times. Speaking from personal experience, they talk about the blessings and difficulties of walking through suffering with others. This episode practically discusses how to provide compassionate care to others, alongside what is and isn’t helpful when walking through something difficult with friends. They share stories and insights on vulnerability, carrying other friends’ burdens, and navigating grief.
Ep.146; October 24, 2023
Key Moments:
[4:30] Empathetic listeners
[7:50] Unhelpful platitudes
[11:54] Having different friends is important for different aspects of life
[17:42] Shying away from suffering
[21:10] Being with people, not solving the difficult questions
[24:36] How to support friends with “fewer” burdens
Resources:
And Life Comes Back by Tricia Lott Williford
Every Moment Holy Volume II
If you enjoyed the show:
Carrie M. Holt: Hi there, it's Carrie Holt, and I'm here today with Sara and Amy. You are listening to Episode 146, and this month, we're talking about suffering and God's faithfulness.
For this collaborative, we wanted to talk about some of the blessings and difficulties of walking through suffering with other people: what it requires of us, what has been helpful to us, and what isn't helpful when walking through something difficult. A book I have been reading that has been a raw, honest journey is the story of a friend I went to college with and her book is called And Life Comes Back by Tricia Lott Williford.
She lost her husband when he was 35 years old, and they had two little boys, who were five and three. She has a really honest look at grief and what it looks like to walk through someone who is grieving. It's just a really helpful book. We'll put the link in the show notes, but I may refer to that today in the podcast as we discuss this topic. The first question I have for you today, Sara and Amy, is what has been an important thing that someone has done, maybe said, or a posture that they've taken with you when you've been in a season of suffering? Amy, do you wanna start us off?
Amy J. Brown: Sure, I'd be glad to. I was thinking about this question. Several years ago, probably the hardest season of my life was when my sister Julie was dying of cancer. I had a newborn baby and my husband had a hip replacement within six weeks. It was a really hard suffering time, and there have been other times. I think when you're with somebody who has that much going on, people don't know what to do, but the thing that was the most helpful were the people who just said, “I'm sorry,” and offered me the space I needed. I had a lot of people come in with advice, which wasn't helpful, but people who came and said what do you need or just sitting with me and allowing me to say what I needed.
People brought meals, but people went above and beyond to pick up my kids. But the people who meant the most to me were the ones who said, “I'm just sorry, this is really hard,” and sat next to me and didn't expect me to have 25 answers for everything. A calm, non-anxious presence in that situation. I think is really helpful.
Carrie: What is it about our human nature that we have such a hard time doing that? We have a hard time sitting with people in their spaces of grief and being silent the way Job's friends were silent. At least in the beginning, they had a silent empathy, a silent presence with him. I'm not really sure why we feel like we have to have a lot of words or fix things. Any thoughts?
Sara Clime: I think when you're empathetic. I think sometimes, I was gonna say as mom's, but my husband's a fixer too. Over the years, I guess after 25-30 years of quarrels, I'll say, he'll say, “I'm not really trying to fix this.” I mean, we at least acknowledge to each other, but we both fall into that pattern of trying to fix whatever's wrong with the other one. If you love someone, and I think that as Christians, we're called to love everybody, you don't want to see anyone hurting. It's like, how can I fix this? How can I make it better? I think part of it is I want to be a good friend. I want to be a good spouse. I want to be a good daughter or sister or whatever. That means I need to help, and I think we often equate helping with doing. Sometimes, the best part of helping is sitting in that space with them.
Carrie: Yeah, for sure.
Sara: Quietly. You said like Job's friends. They had it right at the beginning and then they opened their mouth like humans do and mess it up.
Carrie: I think sometimes we're really uncomfortable with silence and not doing, not fixing. Sara, do you have something you want to share about what's been helpful for you when you've been in a season of suffering?
Sara: I think, honestly, it depends on the season of life I'm in as well and what the suffering is. When my son was first diagnosed, we were so confused. We were so lost. When we first were told that he had Duchenne, I couldn't even Google it because I didn't know how to spell it. I had to go to the MDA's website. Everything was just overwhelming. I had a friend who would check up on us. It was an elder in our church. I've told this story before, but he still does. If he doesn't see us at church for a few weeks, I get a message: haven't seen you for a while. I mean, it's not anything like why aren't you at church or anything like that? But he'll ask what's going on, is everything okay? He also lost a daughter, so quite some time ago. He understands what it's like. I don't think you have to understand that on a specific level, but to set and say, what do you need? Do you need anything from me?
If they don't know, just be there and occasionally check up. I also have another friend who sits with me, and she lets me feel. She said before, “ I cry with you.” I mean, she's a crier and I'm a crier. She'll cry with me, and unless I start to spiral, she'll start speaking truth into my life (Not the whole calm down thing that we hear sometimes), but she doesn't offer platitudes. I think too often we figure as Christians, we have to offer those platitudes of: “God's got it, it's all going to be better.”
Carrie: God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I hate that one.
Sara: Right, right. I think in certain seasons, especially at the beginning, I didn't want to hear that. It's not that I doubted it. I just didn't want to hear it. I didn't know what I wanted to hear. I didn't know if anything was going to make it better. That lasted for quite some time. The friends that made the most difference were those who offered: Do you wanna go to lunch? Let's go for a walk. Sometimes we were quiet for quite some time.
Carrie: I love what you said too, Sara, about the elder at your church. I know we've talked about this before, but I think one of the things that sticks out to me is he has an ongoing presence of asking you questions. I think people often don't understand that when you have a child with a disability or special needs…I don't want to sound mean. I don't want it to sound like our kids are this burden or a trial, but our suffering doesn't go away. I mean, it ebbs and flows, but there's still this ongoing awareness. You’re waiting for the shoe to drop, the next thing to happen, the next problem, the next fire to put out. When someone has an ongoing posture of asking good questions and being with us for the long haul, I know that's one thing that has meant a lot to me. I have a specific friend in my life that I've told her, I really appreciate your friendship because you pursue a relationship with me. Not even a month will go by and I'll get a text. Do you wanna go for a walk? She truly listens to even the little things I feel like I can tell her, the little concerns I have going on in my life. I think there's such an important thing with asking good questions. I know Amy you have said with your kids you say: do you want advice or do you want me just to listen? I have a story, too real quick. Right after I was pregnant with our son and I knew he had Spina Bifida, I was in the grocery store one night. I happened to run into this other mom from church. She was the only mom I knew who had a child with Spina Bifida. The diagnosis was still really fresh. It was just a few weeks out. We stopped in the grocery store to talk, and I had known her for a while. I had known her daughter. She just looked at me and she says, “Congratulations.” I was kind of floored at the moment. Honestly, I really wasn't sure how to react at first because I was still really in the depths of grieving and navigating all the details and what our life was gonna look like.
But looking back 16 years later, it was the best thing she could have said to me because she was a mom who knew what that life was like. She knew that it didn't have to be all doom and gloom and sorrow and hard things. She didn’t say, “I'm so sorry.” A lot of times, we hear that about our kids and it is hard, but at the same time, our kids are amazing. They teach us so much, not that they're there just to teach us, but there are so many good things about our children and their personalities and the way God has created them to be that I think sometimes we forget that they're creating an image of God. This is a new step into a new journey that is actually really beautiful.
Amy: Can I add something there, Carrie? When you were talking, you both said we had that one friend, and I imagine people listening at home thinking, but I don't have that one friend. My question to throw out to you guys is: what do we tell them? What I would say to those moms is maybe you need to hand that one friend the tools. I think the people I know that don't ask they're not heartless. They don't know what to do. What would you guys say to the mom who's listening and goes, but I don't have that person? How can we bridge that gap with other people? Maybe you were going to ask that later.
Sara: I would say, for me, be open to new friendships. One of the friends I’m thinking of whenever I say that she sits in that space or asks: do you want to go for a walk or she cries with me, I didn't know her until years after the diagnosis. It's not like she was there on day one and was saying, “We've got this, let's do this together.” It actually was through more of a traumatic event on both of our parts, completely separate from motherhood; she wasn't even a mom at the time. It brought us together in a completely different way. It built that up, and I learned how to have that posture of openness to say here's some of the things that go on. Just because she wasn't even a mom didn't mean that she wasn't going to be able to be that good friend to me. I would say be open. It could be an elder at church. It could be someone single and doesn't have children yet who could be your biggest ally. Don't turn off that. I think we have to be vulnerable over and over and over again.
Carrie: One thing I was gonna say, too, is vulnerability is important. I think communicating what you need. Amy, to your point, sometimes we have to bring these friends along with us and be very honest. Say to them, I want you to ask me these questions about this, or I need you to be quiet today. I don't want to talk about this at all. Can we talk about something else? We have to be really open and honest and vulnerable with the people in our lives, even to the point to say, “When you say that Spina Bifida kid, it's kind of offensive. He's my kid and he has Spina Bifida. I think it's being willing to have these open conversations. It's a really good question.
Amy: Also, the narrative we have to take out of our own heads is they don't care or they should know what to do. How can they know what to do? They don't live this life. They don't have it. They just look at it from the outside.
Carrie: We can barely navigate it ourselves.
Sara: I was gonna say I don't even know what I'm doing half the time.
Amy: We have to take that narrative out because I truly believe, for the most part, people really want to help us. We just need to say, how about this?
Sara: I would also like to add: try not to put everything on one friend. They can't be everything to all people. I can't be everything to my husband. He can't be everything to me. I can't even be everything to my children. I've learned that over the years. They need other people. They need other things. If they don't get something, if it's big, that's one thing, but if it's the little things or you have to repeat constantly, I don't want to talk about it. No, I seriously don't want to talk about it. Can we change the subject? Even if you have to say that a few times, they don't catch on at the beginning, they will eventually. It's a friendship like anything else. Be open to not having one person try to fulfill every role in that friendship role, if that makes sense.
Carrie: It is important to have different friends for different aspects of your life. I would say, too, I know church is hard. On the day of this recording, I had a meeting with one of our staff people at our church about things. We're trying to create community in our own church, and it's hard. It is hard on both sides because there's a wide range of abilities and needs in the disability and special needs world. it's hard to meet all the needs but find a church. Find a church because you'll eventually find somebody the Lord's speaking to them and the Holy Spirit's saying, “You need to reach out to them. You need to be that person for them.” I never wanna discount prayer. Keep praying and asking God. Maybe it's even praying, Lord, to open my eyes to see somebody in my life right now that I've just been discounting and overlooking. I don't want to say train up to be my friend, but you know what I mean? I can coach them. Maybe we discount certain people because we have our own narratives that we're thinking.
Amy: That's a good point.
Carrie: The next question I want to talk about is why do we, why do the people in our lives tend to shy away from suffering? I've even felt this in my life. Recently, I've had family members who've lost family members, and sometimes, because I've not walked through it personally, it has not been my spouse or my sister, we tend to pull back. Why do you think we do that as humans? What can we do? How can we not do that? Sara, do you wanna try this one first?
Sara: Well, immediately, I thought, well, because it sucks. I mean, it's hard. It forces us to think of all the things we don't wanna think about. Yeah. recently had a friend who was very young, had been married for a couple of years, and lost her husband. I've been married for 25 years; I've known my husband for over 30 years. I was uncomfortable being in that space, even though I'm double her age, but I didn't want to think about what would it be like if I was in her shoes. It forces us to feel all the feels, all the hard and the messy. With our book, we talk about navigating messy emotions, and that's exactly what it is. It's navigating. It is work. It's not just, okay, I'm a Christian. I believe in God, check. Everything is going to fall in line, and it's all unicorns now. That's not how it goes. It's difficult. It's hard to sit in those spaces because, one, we do not want to feel like it could happen to us. Then, personally, I get concerned I will never move out of it. If I move into that suffering with a friend, will I be able to pull myself back out if I get too deep? That might sound very dramatic, but I think anybody who is listening that maybe suffers from anxiety or chronic depression it is something that you have to constantly be cognizant of. Am I getting in too deep? Am I getting in a funk? Am I withdrawing? There's a certain checklist you have to go through to kind of self-navigate your emotions, and we have to learn that we will pull out of it. You can be empathetic without having to join the suffering.
Carrie: I think sometimes there's this idea that if I walk through this with somebody, God will ask the same thing of me.
Amy: It's contagious.
Carrie: Oh, you navigated that really well. Okay, God's going to expect you to do this. I interviewed Marissa Bondurant this past summer, and she said that the underlying narrative to that is we think God's mercy has run out and that He's not gonna equip us with what we need if He would call us to walk through something like that. Sometimes, we live under the false narrative that once we have gone through something hard, we're immune. I talk about this in the book, actually. We get a free pass. It’s like the get-out-of-jail-free card in Monopoly. It's the get-out-of-suffering-free card. We have to go back to scripture, where it says we're going to experience suffering. It's how God molds us and brings us closer to his heart. Jesus experienced suffering, wounding, betrayal, and denial. He knows what it's like. He draws near to the brokenhearted. Amy, any thoughts?
Amy: Well, I agree with what you guys say. It's hard, it's overwhelming. We think it's contagious. We're forced to think of our own weaknesses and mortality. I think it also makes us think about what we know about God. To sit with a newly diagnosed mom or a new widow and say, “Jesus is in the suffering.” We know that to be true, but it makes us think, well, he's a good God, but how does this situation line up with what I know to be true about him? That's not a pat, here are three answers. Let's make a little acronym, and we've got it figured out. This is a really hard wrestling question about suffering that is not going to be solved with a quick Hallmark card. It needs to be wrestled through. I think that's a fear, too. Why is God letting this happen to this person that we love? Because our brains want to make sense of things and have good answers to make sense of those things. This is just a place you can't do it. We can still be a calm, nonanxious presence. We are all made in the image of God. Sitting next to them and not giving a pat theological answer is still the presence of Christ next to them. I think we can't forget that.
Carrie: Christ is in us, and he is with us always.
Sara: I think that's a really good point, Amy because I've before thought, I'm not gonna know how to answer if they have any questions for that. One of the things I've realized over the 10 years since diagnosis was the most supportive in my life were the people who didn't have the answers for me. Quite frankly, if they think they have the answers, I get irritated. We don't need to have the answers for our friends. Even if they say, “Why is God allowing this to happen?” I've had people ask that. I will say I don't know. We will never know the side of heaven, most likely. It stinks. I think it goes back to when you first started talking, Amy, about somebody just saying: it stinks, I'm sorry, and I'm here for you.
Carrie: One of the next questions I want to ask was actually a question that we had from one of our listeners or readers that we didn't get to in our collaborative last month. I thought it fit so well in the topic for this month. How do you help your friends share their struggles when they feel their burdens are less than yours? You have friends who don't have kids with special needs or don't have kids with kids with RAD, don't have kids with behavioral things and medical issues. When they feel like they might be complaining or burdening you or all of that. That's a really, really good question. Does anyone want to take that one?
Sara: I think for me, it's allowing them to understand that I don't expect for them to have the answers and letting them know that they're entitled to their struggles. One of the things that I do is I have a specific example that I've come up with. I was at a conference about two years into our diagnosis, I was sitting by this young woman. She had just gotten a diagnosis for her six-year-old, and then she said she had gotten her two younger sons tested, and they also had Duchenne. She, being a carrier, had to get tested, and she was in the beginning to mid stages of cardiomyopathy. She was in her early to mid-thirties. Here she is, a six-year-old, three-year-old, one-year-old; they were all under the age of five or six, and she's not going to be able to lift anything over 20, 30, 40 pounds, whatever it is eventually. You're going to have three children completely dependent physically on you.
She was so overwhelmed. One of the things I tell people is her sons have the same diagnosis as mine, but she has three. Does that mean I'm not entitled to my suffering because she has it so much worse? I'm still entitled to the hard. I'm still entitled to grieve over my son's diagnosis. I think one of the things is coming up with something that might resonate. I've told that story several times, and I've had a couple of friends who have said that helped me understand that I could share things with you. It also makes me think of Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. It doesn't say, well, unless you're Sara Clime, and you've had it rough for 10 years, you're exempt. It's kind of like you talked about earlier, Carrie. We're not exempt from it just because we've had hard things. We are still called. I have had a conversation with friends before where it's like, I'm still called, as a child of Christ, as a disciple, to share others' burdens. If you don't share those with me, I can't fulfill what God's calling me to do. Do you feel that I'm a good enough friend, that I care about you enough to care about your struggles? I think, too, sometimes we forget, we can complain about other stuff (not that we're complaining), but our hard is our hard and that's so encompassing. Sometimes, we don't feel like we can share other things. I messaged both of you immediately when my husband lost his job because I was trying to be strong for him. We're fine. We got this all together. I was messaging you saying, we so don't have this together, what are we gonna do? It had nothing to do with special needs. It had nothing to do with disabilities. It had nothing to do with the diagnosis. Sharing that with other friends, saying there are other hard things in life and that's okay, maybe that would help too.
Carrie: I think it goes back to just communicating. Maybe there are times you're not in a space where you feel like you can handle other’s burdens. Caregiver fatigue is real. That's when I think we really need to have a good counselor or therapist that we're seeing. Remembering that we all have seasons. I loved the interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee bout the seasons in July because we have seasons where we can bear one another's burdens easier and better. I think we have to communicate that with friends. I think also sometimes we're just functioning under the false assumption that God isn't God in the big and what we consider little. I remember writing about this in the book. I think when we are looking at comparing our hard to someone else's difficulties, we need to remember that if we're going to look at someone else's suffering to give us courage and see Jesus and how they're walking through it and how God's being with them. You think about Corie Ten Boom and the missionaries and Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, and heroes of the faith, and we think we could never walk through that. If we look at them, we realize how God was so faithful and to give us courage, but not to dismiss our own burdens. We cannot do that. Amy, I know you have thoughts.
Amy: I do, I have a couple. I was writing them down. Number one, I like what you said about our seasons. One thing I'm learning to do is because I'm empathetic,, and I want to listen and be a friend. But I will say sometimes, when someone reaches out to me. I'll take a step back and go, today's not the day. I can't, but I will get you. That's okay. If you don't have the capacity in that moment, or you say next Thursday I'm free or Thursday I have a couple of hours in the afternoon, let's chat then. Unless it's an absolute emergency, it's okay to give yourself that space so you can be available to other people. I have a dear friend who's been my friend for years. I was so horrified a year ago because I sat down with her at coffee and just started talking, and 30 minutes in, she said, “Oh, by the way, I'm going for a special medical appointment.” I said, “What, why didn't you lead with that?” I thought it was because I was going on and on about my life, which always has more drama than her life. Always. 100% of the time. I was so horrified. I thought I didn't even give her a chance to tell me what was going on in her life. For the most part, though, my practice normally is. I don't want to talk about that. Let's hear about you. I want to hear about your kids first. I want to hear about what you're going through first because once you've said all the big, huge things you’re going through, they think I got nothing.
Sara: I mean, what are they supposed to say? Well, my dry cleaning went bad. I mean, after you dump all your stuff, it's true. Not that they don't have more stuff. In their head, they’re thinking I'm not going to go now.
Amy: Right. First, I know I want to hear about your trip or your vacation or what's going on with your college kids. I want to hear about you. Then, that gives me space to listen before I start the list of train wrecks. Just last week, my friend Kathy said,” Man, I see you on Monday, and by Wednesday, something's happened.” It’s true!
Number one, give yourself the space so you can be available. People know when you're distracted and not really listening. I mean, you can always tell when you're talking to somebody and they're trying to think of what they're going to say next. Give yourself the space to be an attentive listener and also. Have an invitation and open posture of, I want to hear about you first because we do, honestly. I don't really want to talk about the train wrecks. They're running in my head constantly. I'd rather talk about something else. That would be my advice and what I've learned from years of train wreck upon train wreck.
Sara: I have a friend when we go out to lunch, she'll even say, “Okay, I've got a lot going on. I have the first half hour, you have the second half hour.” We will divide the time. As you said, Amy, there's a train wreck ahead; you just go, and I will take whatever time we have left. If you have a mirror up into your face right now, and you're like, Oh, my gosh, I have not asked my friend any questions for a very long time. That's okay because you've needed people to love on you. I would say, give yourself some grace, and the next time you meet with that person, go into it saying, I'm gonna ask these questions. I'm gonna ask these questions and rehearse it. I have done that before. If I've been in a really hard season, but I love someone, and I know that they are going through a hard time. I intentionally plan that these are the three things that I want to know before I leave. I've had them on my phone. I've done and maybe that might make me seem like not a great friend, but I think honestly it helps. I really want to know those things. I know how easy it is to get started on the rabbit hole that is my life.
Carrie: Yeah. No, that's really good. Let's do one more question, going back to how others have helped us or kind of come alongside us. What is something that you would want others to know or ways that people have come alongside your family in a time of suffering and have listened or been patient or whatever, or even the siblings? I know we've got a lot of moms out there who struggle with the balance and the whole sibling dynamic, and they've got multiple children. What is one thing that has been helpful to the entire family when you've been through a season of suffering?
Amy: I was thinking about that. First of all, a meal always, but not turkey, tretazzini. Somebody brought that five times in a row, once in our lives. The fifth person showed up and one of my kids said, “I hope it's not turkey tetrazzini,” and it was. That was the whole thing. They won't eat it to this day. I don't make it anymore.
Carrie: Well, that's why meal train websites are amazing.
Amy: I digress there a bit, but I guess I would say that I love the people that come alongside my other children, and you're not so-and-so’s sibling. They're not the crisis. They treat them like normal people and take them out to do things, and sometimes, it's like a circus. They get to do all kinds of fun things when somebody's in the hospital or in a crisis. I like the people that come alongside them and want to know my other children for who they are, not just so-and-so’s sibling. I think that is so important. I was talking to my daughter, Anna, who's visiting us from Texas; she's 28. There was a season of life when we had to go to Bulgaria to pick up our son, and our daughter was really not doing great. I mean, she hadn't ramped up completely, but Davis and Anna, the first time we went to Bulgaria, helped, was in the house with our daughter and other people. They weren't the only ones there. They said it's too stressful. So, we brought people in to cook for the other kids, and our daughter went elsewhere. She said, “That was the best week. We had so much fun.” They didn't have the pressure of their sibling there. I want to say that's behavioral. All those behavioral issues caused a lot of trauma. She was talking about you listened to us and you took her somewhere else while you were gone overseas. I brought in Grandma Renee, an older lady, who made them all kinds of fun food. We didn't have any parents alive at that point. I had an older lady that I loved and she came. It was really fun. They weren't fit in amongst all the other things that were going on. They were a priority with these people. I think that's important.
Sara: I thought of therapy immediately. That's always a big one. As Amy said, they need more than that. They need to feel like they have their own identity outside of the mess we're in sometimes. You have to build up those relationships with people. I think for me, I had to set aside this idea that I was going to be able to take care of everything. If I was a good enough mom, my oldest, Connor, would not feel the pressure. That's a bunch of bull. They're gonna feel the pressure no matter what. We feel the pressure. We need to have somebody who can be a touchstone for them. I can think of two men right now who were both in our church and then one that wasn't that would say, “Hey, you want to go play basketball? Do you want to go play soccer? Do you want to go do this? You want to go do that?” Making sure they're involved even though that means that's one more thing on your plate, especially if they're not driving. Making sure they're involved so they can build their own relationships with other people outside of everything is so important.
Carrie: I think it's really important for us to remember that. The things that have meant the most have been when my other kids are seen. They understand that the grandparents, the aunts, the uncles, the siblings, the spouses, they have vicarious trauma. They also have secondary trauma. I know we have grandparents who listen to our podcasts. Because you hurt when your kid hurts. We know how much we hurt when our own children hurt. I can't imagine being a grandparent watching your child walk through that, right? I think understanding that everyone is going through a difficult time and that there are burdens. What are ways that you can help? Asking good questions. We, as special needs families, communicating what we need. We've talked about this multiple times in the podcast. Having that list of five things when someone asks you what you need and have it prepared for those times of crisis when your child's in the hospital or whatever it is that's going on. Maybe you have a lot of appointments. I think that that's really important. This was a great discussion, are there any closing thoughts? I wanna read a little benediction before we close.
Carrie: This is from Every Moment Holy, Volume II, which focuses on death, grief, and hope. We've used Every Moment Holy in the podcast several times, but this is A Liturgy Before Mourning With Those Who Mourn. I thought this was appropriate because we are often mourning alongside our spouses, we're mourning alongside our children, and then we're mourning alongside other people.
It says:
“Oh Spirit Who moves
in the midst of our sorrows,
Fill us with the right compassion.
Fill us with the right compassion that
we would not cross this threshold,
armed with easy answers,
but would enter instead
bearing the balm of a divine tenderness.
best expressed in honest affirmations
and small acts of service.
Teach us even in this hour, O Lord,
How better to mourn
with those who mourn,
that their burden
might in some way
be made more bearable
by our sharing in it.
O Lord, in this place of holy sorrows, make us
quick to listen, and slow to speak,
reminding us how the only true comfort
Job received from his friends
came not from their many words
But from a willingness to sit with him
in a silent sympathy of weeping.
Thank you for being with us today.