From Home to Senior Community...The Emotional Journey of Seniors

In this episode, join host Darleen Mahoney and guest Kimberly Richardson, president and founder of Widows of Opportunity, as they explore the multifaceted challenges seniors face when transitioning to assisted living. This insightful discussion covers emotional, psychological, and practical aspects, offering valuable advice for both seniors and their adult children navigating this significant life change.

We begin by addressing the challenges of moving into assisted living, where Kimberly highlights the emotional impact of leaving one's home and community. The conversation delves into the loss of independence and privacy, emphasizing the importance of understanding these changes before making the move. Darleen and Kimberly also discuss the crucial role of family involvement, stressing the need for adult children to support their parents through this transition.

The episode further explores spiritual and existential losses, touching on how assisted living can affect a senior's sense of purpose. Kimberly shares practical advice for adult children, including the importance of listening, spending quality time, and seeking support through therapy or support groups. Tune in to discover how to navigate these emotional waters and ensure a smoother transition for your loved ones. Don't miss it!

For more information, visit Widows of Opportunity or call 803-238-5301. 

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Transcript

Darleen Mahoney [0:06 - 0:53]: And today we are with Kimberly Richardson. She is the president and founder of Widows of Opportunity. Widows of Opportunity is dedicated to helping widows, widowers and the bereaved achieve self sufficiency, become the leaders of their homes, families, and move forward in a positive path after coping with their loss. We're super excited to have you today, Kimberly, because we're going to talk about something we've actually never covered on this podcast. And it's something I think we don't think about a lot of times. And it's, we always talk about, you know, downsizing and then moving into a community, but we don't talk about what that's actually the reality of that and what that's like. 

Kimberly Richardson [0:55 - 1:06]: Thank you for having me, Darlene. And you're correct, we don't talk about that. And also we don't talk about after the funeral. After the funeral is over, unfortunately. 

Darleen Mahoney [1:06 - 2:39]: Right, right. And when seniors transition into an assisted living, they face so many challenges. It's a new beginning, it's a new life, it's a new lifestyle. And there's just so many changes. It's just, it's really insurmountable. So let's talk a little bit about that because it can really change their loss of independence. For sure. Their routine is completely different because they may not be able to maintain whatever the routine was that they had at home. And then their family life is completely changed as well. Yeah, yeah. And then they're eating, they're cooking. All the things. All the things is completely changed. Your life is completely taking a brand new trajectory. So how do. So talking about like the social and relational losses, so kind of jumping into that. So you've downsized, you may have lost your spouse. You're going into a community because you need to. You may have some physical issues, you may have some cognitive issues, or maybe it's just an independent move. You may be. May just decide you don't want to live alone anymore. But that still has some challenges. So what do you think that those challenges are and how do you, how do you cope with them? 

Kimberly Richardson [2:39 - 4:07]: So I think it depends on the choice. For some seniors, they move there by choice. So they want to downsize because maybe they no longer want to live in the big home. Some children, their adult children bring them there because they feel like the parents may have, they may have fallen, they're getting sicker and they need more assistance. And also they can't help them because they're working. So it all depends on if they chose to go there or if they were taken there. So if they were taken there and didn't choose, that's, that's, that's rough because now they have to move out of their home, their comfort zone, especially if they lost a spouse. So not only have they lost their spouse of 20, 30, 40 plus years, they've now lost their home. And from coming, a lot of them come from nice sized homes. You're talking three, 4,000 square feet and more to move into a tiny little apartment. So when they do that, that means that they have to put their, their belongings in storage or sale. And so they, so they've lost not only their spouse, their home, their community, their independence. And they don't feel like a parent, they don't feel like an adult, they feel like a child. And it's like, how does my child tell me what to do? I'm the adult. So there's a lot of things that they're dealing with. And then if they chose to do that, then that's different. Anytime you make a choice on your own, it's, it's better than having someone take it from you or force you to do something you wasn't ready to do or don't want to do. 

Darleen Mahoney [4:09 - 4:22]: Right? Right. Yeah. Your whole world is completely changing. Your independence is completely gone. Even if it's a choice, I still think that you have to come to terms with a lot of different things because it's still a brand new world. 

Kimberly Richardson [4:22 - 4:23]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [4:23 - 4:32]: Even if you know that you're doing it, it's, it's a whole new word that there, there may be some things that you just quite didn't expect as well. 

Kimberly Richardson [4:33 - 5:37]: Absolutely. You, you've also left your community. So when, when, when they move into those new communities and there's a lot of nice ones, beautiful ones that, and they lose their license, which a lot of them do, that's a huge loss. Their independence. Independence, excuse me, Independence is gone. So they have to wait for a ride. So that could be an issue. Also, when you live on your own, if you wake up, you can go downstairs and have breakfast in your pajamas. You literally have to get up and get dressed to go out of your apartment to, you know, have breakfast, lunch and dinner. Also you have to get used to strangers around you also depends on if you're an assistant living, independent living. You're independent, of course, and then assistant. Sometimes they check your room, they may walk in on you. So, you know, it's a lot of different phases that you go through with whether it's independent or assistant living. And I do agree with you. No matter What. Whether you chose it or not is a big difference when you leave your home to go in one of those communities. 

Darleen Mahoney [5:39 - 6:09]: Right. And privacy is a big one because once you move out of your own home, where you control who comes and goes, even when you move into, you know, other than independent, if you have a private apartment that you're renting, then you definitely have a lot more privacy there. But when you're moving into an assisted, then there are people that might be coming and going, especially if they're doing the medication management side, that type of thing, then your privacy is definitely a lot more limited with people coming and going. 

Kimberly Richardson [6:09 - 6:10]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [6:10 - 6:22]: For sure. Yeah. So that's something you're kind of tackling and need to understand before you move there. That that might be something you need to understand, will be part of it. 

Kimberly Richardson [6:22 - 6:22]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [6:24 - 6:54]: Part of that. Now, one of the things that I think is probably the hardest and really needs to be addressed are the emotional and psychological losses that come with moving to any type of community. Whether you're moving into a very beautiful, upscale community or one that's meeting your basic needs, whatever the case may be, I still think that there's some level of that. So let's address those a little bit. 

Kimberly Richardson [6:56 - 8:51]: So when you move like that, I think the issue is the downsizing. There are things that you no longer can take. There's things you. You can't take with you, so you're. You're missing those things. I can go. I can only go by. I go into these communities on a weekly basis and I do educational workshops and I talk to so many of them. And there was a. One particular resident stating that they had to move. And they. And it was a. It was a quick move, and they weren't able to take things that they wanted to take with them. And they really, you know, their adult children brought them in and brought in their necessities. He's like, this is what you need. But it was certain things that they wanted to have. We all have our special things. And so when they went back to the house, which I thought was nice of the adult children to do that, they said, we're going to put you in the house for an hour. We're going to leave you here for one hour and we'll be back. You better have everything you need. Well, I'm sorry, most of us don't move as fast as we used to. So an hour is not really enough time to get through all of the things that you packed in a box. And also when you pack things in a box, you don't know where some things are at. So a lot of times people are leaving. You know, if you lost their loved one, you may have kept their watch or their necklace. You could walk into someone's home and you could see a piece of jewelry or even like a shirt and you thinking, oh, it's just a piece of shirt or just a piece of jewelry. But to someone else, it's like a billion dollars because it's, it's memorable. You know, it was left by a loved one. So when you take that away from them, that can be an emotional, can cause some emotional issues, like where is my blanket? Where's my. The jury? Or where's X, Y and Z at? So I think that's a lot. 

Darleen Mahoney [8:51 - 8:52]: Yeah. 

Kimberly Richardson [8:52 - 8:53]: Yes. 

Darleen Mahoney [8:53 - 9:09]: Yeah, yeah. An hour. Hour is not sufficient. You know, I think that. No, no, I, I can't clean my closet in an hour, girl. So. And you know, I will tell you, I had to clean out my dad's. 

Kimberly Richardson [9:09 - 9:09]: House. 

Darleen Mahoney [9:12 - 10:18]: After he moved. And I did the very best that I could. I was very stretched on. It was in a different city. And then I was trying to take care of him, get him moved, work, a full time job, all the things. So I was very stretched. And I went through as much as I could possibly go through. And I literally still have. And then I had a company that went in and did some things. But I think back and it's still, even now, just thinking about it, it like twists my stomach because one thing that I don't know where my mother kept them. My mother passed away a year prior, so I don't know where my mother kept them. But all of the, the, the Christmas ornaments, I don't know where those were. But I realized after the fact I never saw the Christmas stuff. So she had to have kept them somewhere that I didn't go through. So I don't know where they were. I'm thinking they were maybe like in like a closet that I thought was maybe not important. 

Kimberly Richardson [10:19 - 10:19]: Yes. 

Darleen Mahoney [10:20 - 10:39]: And so this was years ago. My mom died in 2018. I literally, it still makes me sick to this day that I did not take more time and do that. And I mean, I spent weeks every weekend. So an hour is not sufficient. 

Kimberly Richardson [10:39 - 10:39]: No. 

Darleen Mahoney [10:41 - 12:36]: But for me, all the things that I got from my dad, I really tried to make sure the things that were important to him, that had meaning to him came with him. And he had dementia. I'm not even sure he knew what was important. But for him, I needed to make sure that like all his photo albums with family was there. I needed to make sure that he was a painter. So a lot of the pictures that he had painted were there. So all of those things, I think, were just super important for him. And just to have that feeling of being at home for me were important. And then even for me just going through, like, clothes, like, just. Even a shirt that my dad had, I still have to this day because it reminds me of my dad. So it's things like that, even for the family, that for them not to take a little bit of time to go through those things are going to have, to me, some regret at some point. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So as far as, like, this, the senior that's now in the community that may be missing some of those things. Some of the other aspects I think that they have when they're living in the community is, you know, we talked a little bit about decision making, power some of the time that sometimes I think when you're in there, you don't get to make your own plan for the day as much. You know, when my dad was in a community and after he had actually passed away, I went up there for an event because I still stayed fairly active in that community because I was just so connected to the people that were working there. 

Kimberly Richardson [12:36 - 12:37]: And. 

Darleen Mahoney [12:37 - 13:03]: And they moved in a senior. And it. It. She was an old. Clearly an older lady, but it broke my heart, and I didn't know what to do. I just, you know, I held her hand a little bit. She just gotten there that day that this event was going on, and she just cried and cried and cried. She sat at the craft table and she just cried and cried and cried. And I just wanted to, like, wrap her, and I. I just didn't know. I didn't know how to fix it. 

Kimberly Richardson [13:04 - 13:04]: Yeah. 

Darleen Mahoney [13:07 - 13:18]: I didn't know her story. Her family was no longer there. They may have been there earlier in the day, I don't know, but she was just so broken. And I just didn't know how to fix it. 

Kimberly Richardson [13:18 - 15:25]: I'll add that everyone in this world wants to be heard, period. And that's the thing. Once these seniors are retired, they no longer, a lot of them don't feel needed. And I'm only going by what was told to me by them. They don't feel needed anymore. Why am I here? What's the purpose? And so sometimes they just want to be heard. When your adult children are moving you around, a lot of the adult children, if not all of them, are extremely busy with life. They have. They have careers, they have children, they have spouses and they're busy, busy, busy, so they're dropping you off. It's like when we drop our kids off at daycare and we keep on moving, but they're not our children, they're parents. So they really don't make the time to sit down and say, mom, what's wrong? Dad, what's wrong? Because they look at, oh, she, he or she is complaining again. And I think a simple ear will do. For so many people, just listening to the person cry this, listen to the person say what they have to say and not give your opinion is so huge. And that's what I do when I go into these different communities. I teach, but I also listen. There was a senior saying that my son takes great care of me and however, I've never seen my bank account and I would like to see my money. What should I do? I said, you should just ask him, it's your money. At the end of the day, it's your money. I understand your son pays, pays the bills with your money here. He wants you comfortable, you're comfortable here. You don't have to worry about anything. You wake up, you go, you come as you please. However, that is your money. Ask him for the bank statement. He's going to show you your money. It's not like you're asking him for his fake statement. And she did, and she was shocked that he, he asked. But the thing is, as I, I'm not a senior yet, and it's like you have to ask your own child for permission to see your own money. So it's, it's, it's amazing how life changes that way. And you have to say, can I ask my daughter, Can I ask my son to see my account? Yes, you can. I know they've been taking care of you for a while, but yes, you can ask them to do that because that is your money. 

Darleen Mahoney [15:28 - 17:15]: I do think, you know, if you are listening to this and you are caregiving for someone and you are in the position where you're going to need to move someone to an assisted living or even memory care, just because it's gotten to the stage where you're going to need to have those additional services, really understanding the emotional, emotional issues that are going to happen with this, I think it's so important, you know, and this is just not even moving into a senior living community. When my grandmother, who lived in her house that she lived in since my mom was a teenager, left her house and she knew it would be the final time she was moving to Tennessee to age in place with my aunt. She called me from the road and I remember having this conversation. She was crying, she was just bawling. And she said, I'm never going to live in my house again. I'm never going to cook eggs in my kitchen again. I'm never going to sit on my back porch and watch. She lived behind an elementary school and watched the children play during recess again. So she went over all these things that were going through her head of just her daily life in her home that she'd had for all these years that were just part of her daily routine that were no longer correct. And I think recognizing that, acknowledging it and having empathy for that are huge steps for that person. Instead of, I think sometimes we're moving so fast that I don't want to say you blow them off, but you disregard them. 

Kimberly Richardson [17:16 - 17:17]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [17:17 - 17:23]: Instead you go, oh mom, you'll be fine. Oh mom, you'll be good. I, I don't think that's fair. 

Kimberly Richardson [17:23 - 18:57]: Also, this is so serious. If you're visiting your parents on a weekly, a bi weekly basis, which is very important, this is the last stop for them. I've had so many of them, they're very blunt at this age, at that age. And they're like, oh yeah, the next step is to the graveyard. I'm like, okay, but let's just be realistic. The next step is either the grave or, you know, memory care or the grave. And so, you know, we're so busy, some of us are so busy with life and we're not understanding, you know, that your mother and father is in this independent assistant living that there's no more after this. So this is the time to really slow down and appreciate them because once they're gone, they're gone. And it's unfortunate when they are gone. The adult, some of the adult children sit down and say, only I wish I would have just stopped, slowed down, spent more time. But it's too late to, to go back when someone's gone for good. So it's important that the adult children slow it down and listen to their parents and be there. Because it's not like their parents are getting, we're not getting younger, we're getting older. So I feel really bad when a lot of. I understand the busyness. I've been there. But I also been there when my mother needed me and I stopped working to take care of her. And I understand a lot of people can't do that because if you stop working, you are going to probably lose your home, your car etc. So it's like. But you don't get any, you know, you only get one mom, you only get one dad. So make time for them. If it has to be every Sunday for an hour, make it do what it needs to do. When it comes to your adult parents, you're seeing the seniors. 

Darleen Mahoney [18:58 - 19:15]: I 100% agree. And I will absolutely tell you that if you don't do it, you will have. You will live with regret, and you will live with regret until your last days. And then I will also tell you as you get older, you will hope and pray that it doesn't. 

Kimberly Richardson [19:15 - 19:19]: Oh, right, right. So, correct. 

Darleen Mahoney [19:20 - 20:31]: Yeah, yeah. So another thing that starts happening and, you know, we talk about this would be their last stop and another thing, as a caregiver, I. And if you are the one, you know, with that power of attorney and making those decisions for your parent or loved one, because. Making sure that, because they are in assisted living or memory care or whatever the case may be, that they are their last days or the last few years or whatever they are in the best possible scenario. We do want them in senior living communities that are providing social, engaging activities, that are providing quality meals, that are doing all of the things. You really make that a priority and make sure that they are being well taken care of. So. So that's a huge priority too. I cannot advocate enough to be involved in that community. Get to know the people that are working there, get to know the staff, life enrichment community, get to know who's heading that up and what they're doing. I think those are all super important, not just to be involved with your parent, but be involved with the staff as well. 

Kimberly Richardson [20:31 - 20:33]: Absolutely. Yes, I agree. 

Darleen Mahoney [20:33 - 20:58]: Yeah. Get to know them. Yeah, for sure. So we've talked a little bit about the emotional and psychological losses, but there's also potential for the loss of your identity. And then cognitively, unfortunately, a lot of times seniors have cognitive impairment, whether they even have dementia or Alzheimer's. There's some form of cognitive decline that can definitely happen as we age. 

Kimberly Richardson [20:59 - 20:59]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [21:01 - 22:22]: Yeah. So some of that. You talked a little bit about the money management side of it. Clearly you have to deal with some inability to deal with your own money. I know that with my dad having dementia, I think he was dealing with a lot of the money and I think it was causing him a lot, a lot of stress and anxiety because he was trying to figure. Figure that out. And one of the things I remember saying to him is I said to him, I said, dad, you don't have to worry about Paying all these bills anymore. We're taking care of it. We've got it. It's off your plate. And he looked at me and the relief that came across his face was, oh, my gosh, thank you so much. I don't have to do that ever again. I said, no, never again, dad. I've got it. And in all honesty, I was afraid he was going to be upset. I was afraid he was going to say, you're not supposed to take it. I'm taking it because that would have been pre dementia, dad, you know, that would have been. You don't. You stay out of my finances. You don't even. I never even knew how much money my dad made. I was not one to get involved in my father's finances. I just, it wasn't. I didn't get in my mother's purse. I didn't get in my father's finances. It felt so weird to me. It just felt so weird. So I was so glad that he felt that relief that I was now going to take care of them and was taking that off of his place. 

Kimberly Richardson [22:22 - 22:23]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [22:23 - 22:25]: So. Exactly. 

Kimberly Richardson [22:25 - 25:47]: I would like to say something, if that's okay. Yeah, no, there's a lot of. You know, I've been in this business. I've been the founder of Widows of opportunity for 15 years, but I've been working with the senior independent living and assistant living for the last nine years. And there's so many adult children, unfortunately, when they were younger, I mean, adult, the senior, excuse me, the, the seniors when they were younger and raising their children, they didn't have enough time for their children because they were busy with work or what have you. And so now some of their children aren't in their lives. They dropped them off and didn't come back. And I, I've had the, the pleasure of meeting them and they're being honest about it and saying I was not a good parent. I wasn't there for my child and their children aren't there for them. At the end, there was a senior that I decided to work with for the past three years. She was just very honest from day one. I wasn't there for my daughter at the time when I was raising my daughter, my father passed away. I fell into depression and I was on, on, on medication and it just wasn't allowing me to give my daughter all that I can give her. And my mother raised her. And so they don't. They didn't have a close relationship. This senior was getting very sick. She had renal failure and she was in and out of the hospital. So I was there for her. And then she was diagnosed in October of last year with terminal cancer. I reached out to her daughter, and I let her daughter know, your mother has terminal cancer. And she said, well, is she dying? And I said, I'm not God. I don't, you know, I don't know when she's gonna die. I don't know what's gonna happen, but if you can get here, get here. And so she was kind of hesitant. So I decided to pack up the senior and we drove to to meet the daughter. She hadn't seen her daughter in six years. So I took her to see her daughter and her granddaughter. And maybe two week, two to three weeks later, she passed away. But she ended up going into hospice. And while in hospice, I was there for her, daily taking care of her. And I reached out to her daughter to say, hey, your mother's in hospice. And she's like, okay. She never did anything. And then when her mother passed, she came and got the body and, you know, did what she needed to do with that. And I, I refuse to judge anyone on their, their behavior. But if you're listening in your, in your, in your adult child, and your mother and father weren't there for you when you were younger, and you haven't seen them, you don't want to see them. I know you want to see them. I think it's important that you reach out to them, even if you have to say, I'm so mad with you. How dare you leave me. You need to get off your chest, because there's no coming back once they're gone. And I understand her daughter was angry. She had the right to be angry, absolutely. But I know she's hurting them more because she never had the chance to say, mom, why didn't you? Why? You know, just express yourself respectfully. So, again, I just wanted to share that. Like, I, I, I can. I don't understand, because my mom and dad were great, and they were there for me. But I can understand as a child, if my mom and dad wasn't there for me, I probably wouldn't have been there for them. And that's just something some of us do when we hurt, hurt people, Hurt people. So it's like, just understand that they're older now and they're weak and fragile and get it off your chest respectfully. Because again, as you, as we know, once they're gone, they're gone. So I just wanted to share that for those who are listening. 

Darleen Mahoney [25:49 - 27:13]: 100%, you know, there's, there are imperfect parents there, there. It's just the reality of it. And those imperfect parents will age and they will end up not having anyone to take care of them. But those children that are the adults of those imperfect aging parents may be parents as well at that point. And I think it's important to kind of think about that. Parenting is hard. Life happens. And I think parents, and not that I'm making excuses for it because as a parent myself, I would walk on glass for my children. And they're grown, my children are grown, and I would still walk on glass for my children. And so I don't understand the concept of not doing that and making life choices that get in the way of that. But I know that some people have grown up very differently than I did. I had two very fabulous parents that were very supportive as well. So I don't have anything to relate to that. But I think we have to have a forgiving heart, even from someone that doesn't ask for forgiveness or it will actually eat you alive. 

Kimberly Richardson [27:13 - 27:13]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [27:15 - 27:33]: And it does nothing for you. I mean, you have to forgive in order to be a better person, move on, and for you to be a better parent, I just think it's very important. And then, and to realize that they're human too. And at some point you just have to, you have to let it go. 

Kimberly Richardson [27:33 - 28:41]: Also in life, there's seasons. You know, the seasons change. You know, we have the summer, spring, fall, winter. And when I say seasons, there are seasons of. In your life is a roller coaster. So if you think about your life, everyone who's listening think about your life. You've had great days and you had terrible days and you have bad days, etc, when you're suffering emotionally, physically, financially, any kind of way, you're not going to be your best person. You're not going to be the best wife, the best husband, the best mother, the best father, etc, So a lot of times our parents raised us and they were in a, in a difficult season. As a child, we don't see that because we, we just don't have the maturity to see, okay, mom and daddy is struggling, but we don't know that now that we're older, we should understand and have a little consideration, say, okay, I can see why mom and dad did that. It wasn't cool, I don't like it, but I can understand why they did some of the stuff. I don't know everyone's story. So some stories are more tragic than others. And there's no excuse for what the mom and dad did. But then the others, you have to say, wait a minute. When people are in different seasons of their lives, they react differently. Just take that in consideration. 

Darleen Mahoney [28:43 - 29:07]: I, I like that, I like the comparison to different seasons because you're absolutely right. And then I think also as you age and get older, you do start realizing the mistakes that you've made and you do try to fix them. You try to make amends for them. And at some points, clearly, in the case that you just referenced, that may have been too late. 

Kimberly Richardson [29:08 - 29:09]: Yes, absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [29:10 - 29:55]: To make those amends with that daughter. So. Absolutely. So let's talk about like the spiritual and existential losses. So spiritually, one of the things that, that a lot of folks have is they have religious experiences as far as like going to church on Sundays and things like that. And some of those activities may be slim down. Now some, some communities offer church services. They offer Bible groups. They offer different things, but some of them may not. So that might be something that you think about if that's important before going into a community, if those needs are going to be met. 

Kimberly Richardson [29:55 - 29:57]: Absolutely, absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [29:57 - 29:59]: Because. Because those are very important. 

Kimberly Richardson [29:59 - 30:00]: Yes, they are. 

Darleen Mahoney [30:02 - 30:05]: Yeah. Because that's, that can, that can feed a soul. 

Kimberly Richardson [30:05 - 31:15]: Yes. And you know, a lot of people as we get older are in church a lot, you know, so that changes, of course, once you move into a community. But I totally agree with you. You want to look into what the community offers. Also, you know, we talked about the upscale community. So the more that you spend, the more opportunities you get in the community, more amenities you get. And so if you're on a fixed income, on a budget, then some times you may get less. But all of the communities I've visited, visited in the last nine years, which have been a lot, they all had some type of church activity, whether it be prayer or Bible study on a Thursday or a Sunday. So take, you have to take advantage of that, get out of your comfort zone and go in. Some people don't want to do that. And also people are, have different religious backgrounds, so they may not be comfortable going into there. So that is huge too. That's, that's another loss for those people who are used to a certain type of religion. And then this community only offers one particular religion background. So I agree with that. What you said earlier about the loss of that and having it or not having it. 

Darleen Mahoney [31:16 - 31:48]: Right. And then as we started the podcast off, talking about if you're grieving because of the loss of a spouse, having that support, especially if it's a faith based support can be something that's really important to you. Going through that grieving and loss. You really might need that extra layer. Not just a friendship layer, not just a family layer, but having someone from that spiritual group that you would typically be relying on. 

Kimberly Richardson [31:48 - 31:50]: Absolutely, yes, for sure. 

Darleen Mahoney [31:51 - 32:19]: So that faith based so. Well, so some different things. Did you have anything else that you were thinking about as far as your experiences since you do go into all these communities and you talk to the residents that you can kind of share with us that you think can really affect them when they're moving into an assisted living and some tips on how to navigate that in a way that some of our listeners can learn from that. 

Kimberly Richardson [32:19 - 33:46]: So if you are, if you are the adult child again, earlier I said to listen, it's important to listen. Take a day, half a day or something to spend time with your parents and listen to what they have to say. Yes, they're going to probably get on your nerves. Yes, they're probably going to talk too much. But this is the opportunity to do that. I think back when, when we were taking me and my brother was taking care of my mom and my brother was really strict on my mom with certain things. And then when she passed, he said, you know what? I just wish I gave, I let her have that steak. I just wish I let her have those french fries. It wasn't that serious. So you're taken away from the time spent and that is quality time, whether you know it or not. You know, listening to your child, your, your mom and dad complain, if you want to say, complain about what have you visit as much as you can because once they're gone, there's no coming back. It's really simple. But sometimes we make things complicated. You know, this is very important. This is a must, you know, it's just a must to do because this is their last stop and if they move any further in that community, it's going to be in some memory care. And that's not a good stop for those who have dealt with their parents who've been in memory care because at that point they've forgotten stuff. They, you know, they don't remember much. So think of, just be considerate. Also treat them the way you want to be treated when you get older. How would you want your adult, your adult children to treat you? How would you want to be handled? I think that's important as well. 

Darleen Mahoney [33:48 - 35:17]: Yeah, I think that that should be first and foremost in most folks minds when you're dealing with your parents. Because in that reality is, I think Sometimes you get so in the groove that you don't even think about the fact that at some point in life we will all be there. Unless you die before that, you will at some point get there. Right. You know, it's death and taxes, I always say. I've said this more than once on this podcast. I don't know about the taxes anymore, but the death is. There's no get out of jail free card for that. It doesn't exist. So I think it's important to kind of really think about that, you know, how would I want to be treated? And it does get harder. It can be very challenging with aging parents. And it can very, very much be challenging with an aging parent that you had a bad childhood with that you don't particularly like. I know we did a podcast and it's actually one of our. I think it's like a number two or three podcast. Taking care of someone you don't like. That's the name of the podcast. And it is because people will find themselves, whether it's financial or out of obligation or whatever the case may be. They will be. They will take care of a family member that maybe they don't really care for or they do care for, but that person now has some cognitive issues that's made them grouchy. 

Kimberly Richardson [35:17 - 35:18]: Yes. 

Darleen Mahoney [35:19 - 35:46]: And that can be very, very challenging. So I think it is important to really think about all of those things. And support groups are out there, finding friends that have the same mutual issues so you can get together, grab a bite to eat, have some wine, decompress, and then move on. All those things are important so that it can help you kind of navigate those waters. Don't put yourself in a bubble where you explode. 

Kimberly Richardson [35:46 - 36:22]: I like that you said that. Because sometimes we just keep going and going and going and going and going and it's not that serious. You can, you have to slow down. You have to make time for yourself. Even if it's just 30 minutes, it has to start somewhere. You know, if you got to. If you had to slow down before you pull into the garage at the house, if you have to stop at the stop sign and. And just sit there and woo saw. Or if they have to sit in a car for like 30 minutes and Woosa before you go in the house, you have to do that. Because when you don't take care of yourself, you're going to break down emotionally, if not physically. So it's important that you do that. 

Darleen Mahoney [36:24 - 36:32]: And I will tell you, I had some really good cries in my car. I got it out, cried it out, wiped it up, put some makeup on and then went on. 

Kimberly Richardson [36:32 - 36:33]: Yes. 

Darleen Mahoney [36:33 - 36:36]: And I felt so much better. If you need to do that, do it. 

Kimberly Richardson [36:36 - 36:37]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [36:37 - 36:41]: There's nothing wrong with that. The car under the shower, my best friends. 

Kimberly Richardson [36:42 - 37:27]: Yeah, it's nothing wrong with that. We're human. I mean, you have to get out of that. Superwoman and Superman. Take it off, throw it away. All this trying to be strong, it's not gonna. You're gonna break. You're gonna break and you're going to bleed on other people and you're going to bleed on those people that love you. If you're, if you're married, you're going to bleed on your wife, you have children, going to bleed on them. No, don't do that. And also, therapy is awesome. You. You can go do it virtually. You don't have to necessarily pull up and go into the office. So think about getting into therapy and joining support groups. Like you said, you have to get it out, get it off your chest. Because it's hard going to work. Taking care of yourself, taking care of your family and then taking care of your elderly parents is hard. It's not easy at all. And you're not by yourself with that. Yeah. 

Darleen Mahoney [37:28 - 37:29]: It is not. It is not for the week. 

Kimberly Richardson [37:29 - 37:30]: Absolutely not. 

Darleen Mahoney [37:32 - 37:53]: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I do want to sign off here, but I did want you to share a little bit about exactly what Widows of Opportunity is, where you're located, and then also your website URL, which we will also include in the description on all the apps. So anyone that's listening can also click on it and access that website. 

Kimberly Richardson [37:53 - 38:34]: Thank you so much, Darlene. So Widows of Opportunity is located out of South Carolina, but we do travel. If you ever need me to speak or educate on grief and loss. Also on senior living, because we do work with the seniors and independent and assisted living, you can reach us at 803-238-5301. Also, we do one on one sessions virtually. So if you are interested in doing one for grief and loss of loved ones again, 803-2385-301. And the website is widowsofopportunity.com and thank you so much, Darlene, for this opportunity. 

Darleen Mahoney [38:36 - 38:47]: Absolutely. Thank you so much for joining us. This was a great chat. I think it was one that a lot of people needed to hear and hopefully they were able to get some really great nuggets out of it. 

Kimberly Richardson [38:47 - 38:48]: Absolutely. Thank you so much again. 

Darleen Mahoney [38:50 - 39:10]: Absolutely. If you enjoyed this podcast. Our podcast can be heard anywhere you enjoy music or podcasts such as Spotify, Apple Podcasts, GoodPods, and so much more. We have just entered our fifth season and we have over 100 episodes for you to listen to. Thanks for listening.