From Neighbors to New Best Friends: Thriving Socially in Senior Living

In this episode, we explore the vital role of social connections and engagement in senior living communities with guests Kristy Ruppe Craddock and Paula Harder from Commonwealth Senior Living. They share insights on fostering meaningful relationships and creating personalized experiences for residents, emphasizing how these connections contribute to a fulfilling life in assisted living.

We also dive into heartwarming stories of unexpected romances and joyful celebrations within senior communities, showcasing how life continues to blossom for residents. The conversation touches on the emotional journey families face when transitioning a loved one to senior living, with practical advice on navigating this process.

 Whether you're considering senior living options or simply curious about enhancing the quality of life for older adults, this episode offers valuable perspectives and actionable tips. Don't miss the discussion on resources and support groups that extend beyond community walls.

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Link to: TSOLife

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Transcript

Darleen Mahoney [0:01 - 0:37]: And today we are joined by Christy Rupe Craddock and Paula Harder. And Christy is the Chief Sales and Marketing Officer with Commonwealth Senior Living. She is also an active volunteer with the Alzheimer's association, which I can totally appreciate, along with Paula, who is the VP of Resident programs and memory care with Commonwealth Senior Living. She is a certified activity consultant and a certified dementia practitioner, and. And a certified Alzheimer's disease and dementia care trainer. Thank you for joining the podcast today, ladies. We're so excited to have you. 

Paula Harder [0:38 - 0:39]: Thanks for having us. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [0:39 - 0:40]: Yeah, absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [0:40 - 1:03]: Absolutely. So we're going to talk a little bit today about something that is near and dear to my heart and is near and dear to Commonwealth Senior Living as well, and that is really connecting your residents with other residents in a social aspect. Is that probably the best way to describe it, or do you have kind of a better way to describe it? 

Christy Rupe Craddock [1:04 - 3:03]: Well, you kind of nailed it on the head. We want to connect our residents with an ongoing social life so that their life blossoms when they come into our communities. We are all about helping them create friendships and social networks and peer groups and giving them a social environment that allows them to continue to grow and learn and participate in all the things that they participated in in their life prior to coming to live with us. So we spend quite a bit of time working with each resident, developing a life story for that individual. Who were they before they came to us? What things are important to them? What elements of their occupation are going to be relevant to who we match them up with? We utilize a platform called TSO Life, the Story of Life, which helps us generate that story in an easy way for our associates. But it also. One of the really cool aspects is that it matches people with a friend. Statistics show that people that move into senior living are 60% more likely to move out of senior living if they fail to find a friend in the first 90 days. So our goal, and we have lots of different ways that we do this, but connecting them with someone who has similar interests, someone who has a similar personality. Our goal is to have that person at the door when they walk in on their first day and say, hey, my name is Paula and I would love to have lunch with you. You know, would you like to come to an activity with me so that we can get them off to the right foot on the first day from the moment they walk into the building. Because nobody wants to move into a community. And that's true for any age of individual. And not have a group, not have people. You know, we want our people and so our goal is to have that be a part of their whole journey, their whole wellness and their whole care as they move into our communities, that they have a friend from the beginning and that they know we're there to enhance their life as they come into senior living. 

Darleen Mahoney [3:03 - 3:08]: It really is like the first day of school is the new kid in a new town, in a new community, Right? 

Christy Rupe Craddock [3:08 - 3:09]: Absolutely. 

Darleen Mahoney [3:09 - 3:12]: Yeah. It's no different. You're just older. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [3:13 - 3:46]: I always say that life is made of transitions, right. You grow up, you go through high school, you transition from elementary school to high school to college maybe to marriage, to children. You buy your first house, you move on to the next house, you go into retirement. This is no different. You're simply moving locations and you're doing the whole next piece of your life. And that life begins when you come to Commonwealth Senior Living. And we want to make sure we're a big part of that so they feel comfortable and love, love their life when they come to Commonwealth Senior Living. 

Darleen Mahoney [3:46 - 4:53]: Yeah, absolutely. So I'm excited to hear about. I think you're going to share a few stories of success and how that's worked out. And so what I really want some of our listeners to take away, if that social aspect is important to them. And I think that it's important to a lot of people that it's something that they can kind of think about and noodle as they consider either senior living for themselves or for their loved one and make that a priority when they go and ask the right questions to senior communities in their areas and kind of say, hey, what do you do and what are you doing to kind of connect the residents in this community and how that can help my parent or my loved one out so that they are more socially engaged and can't connect with their person. Because people do go through life and they do have those social connections. And sometimes as you get older, you know, you always envision, at least I do, that I'm going to retire and I'm going to retire with my best friend, my BFF that I've had had for so long, and we're going to retire together. But clearly that's not generally the case, correct? 

Paula Harder [4:54 - 7:56]: That's right. I mean, in one of the couple of the times that just then you mentioned connecting and the word connecting and making connections, you know, what I think is really important for any family as they start their journey and think about senior living options is to understand no matter how social your loved one may be or you may be or maybe how introverted. Right. You may Be as, as a society, we all have the same two primary emotional needs, and that is connection and purpose. And that rings very true as you age. And even though your social circle may be shrinking as, as you move through these transitions in life, we still, all of us are united by needing connection and purpose. And that looks different to every person. Right. Your social butterflies are going to want to come in and have the agenda. And I want you to tell me my top six besties that I'm going to have here based on me needing that connection. Like, that would be me. But I think about my brother who is definitely motivated by connections, but he doesn't want to be in the big group settings. He doesn't need all that, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to have connections to other people, to things that matter. Likewise with purpose. You know, as we move through these transitions in life, we need to have, we need to know that, that our life matters, that we are leaving this legacy, that we're connected to some sort of purpose of existing. And that's especially important for seniors as they age to know that they're still contributing positively to life and the people around them. And that's why, you know, whether you're, you're exploring options at communities that use a platform that's great, like TSO life and like Commonwealth Senior Living does, or you don't have a platform at all, making sure that you know the choices you make in your senior living journey, that you're getting the opportunity to live your best life based on connections and having purpose there, that what you're doing matters. And those are questions you need to be asking of how, how are you going to ensure that my loved one isn't defined by their care needs? Right. Like, I'm not defined by what happens today or how I feel from a physical standpoint. I, I like, I'd like to think I'm defined by the, the summation of, of all of my life. Right. The connections that I have with people, the relationships that I value, the interests that I have, and hopefully the positive impact that I've, I've hopefully made on other people. And that's really what I think senior living should be about. It's definitely what we're about at Commonwealth Senior Living. And that's how you create an environment where you can live your best life. 

Darleen Mahoney [7:56 - 7:59]: I 100% agree. I love that. That's perfect. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [8:00 - 8:32]: And I want to add to that too, because I think, especially in senior living, when we're bringing people in and we're Talking to them, and we're interviewing them. We focus on the likes and the things they loved to do and the people they loved and the occupations. But, I mean, we're all human, and we all have pet peeves. Sometimes you need to know what people's pet peeves are, too, so you can avoid those. And I think when you really spend time with people, getting to know them and asking, you know, like, what. What is the kind of thing that's a nail on a chalkboard for you that can help the people that are charged with care avoid that. 

Darleen Mahoney [8:32 - 8:33]: Yeah. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [8:33 - 9:22]: You know, avoid some of those triggers for people. And living your best life is. Is, you know, having those moments where you get angry, too, and it being okay, but being able to have that conversation and knowing what soothes someone, knowing what makes someone feel better after they have an emotional moment, that's all a part of the story of life. And whether you're doing it through an app or you're doing it through a platform, or you're just sitting down and talking to someone and asking them, you know, how do you feel? What does it feel like? I think one of the most powerful things you can ask somebody is, tell me what it feels like to be you. And that really encompasses where we go with engagement, where we go with care, where we go with dining, and where we go with creating those relationships and those friendships. 

Darleen Mahoney [9:22 - 10:33]: Yeah. And, you know, I think sometimes when younger people look at older people, they just see an older person. They see that person today. And as I get older and I look at older people that I've known my whole life, you look back and you realize, you know, I remember that person when they went hiking and they were active and they were doing all these things, and you really start realizing. All of these older people that you've been looking at your whole life, they have such incredible life stories. They've done things. They've done things that maybe you've never imagined that they were able to do. They have incredible stories. They haven't. They've lived incredible lives. And just to hear about those and understand who they were before, that's still within them, their souls, that's still within them as even older people. And they have incredible stories to tell and share and connect with other folks on the same. Same types of levels in order to, you know, to maybe share those stories and that type of thing. So I think that's really great to be able to do that with residents within the community that maybe have shared stories as well and life experiences. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [10:35 - 11:02]: Yes, absolutely. We love. We love Bringing our residents together to share those stories with each other and those conversations, you might pull out a story that they didn't even share. In the beginning. We had two residents in a community. They were both in World War II, and one was on the. In the American military, and one was in the German military. So they were both fighting in the same war on opposite sides, and they both ended up in our community together. 

Darleen Mahoney [11:02 - 11:02]: Yeah. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [11:02 - 11:51]: As friends, which. It's given me goosebumps just even remembering that story. But those are the kinds of things that just bring so much life and meaning, even when other people hear it, you know? And it can be something as simple as a memory of walking with your wife through a rose garden and the smell of roses bringing you back to that place. We use a virtual reality headset, and there's a. There's a feature in there that is a walk through an English garden. And one of our residents recalled walking through a garden with his wife and that. Just seeing it and feeling like he was in that space, he said, I can smell her. And again, those are the things that make getting up and coming to work every day and getting up and living life every day so incredibly meaningful and colorful. 

Darleen Mahoney [11:51 - 12:47]: Yeah, you're gonna make me cry with that. I mean, I just. I love the fact that he has that memory, and you could bring him to that point where he was able to, like, go back to that time and that he, you know, honestly, that he had that love for his wife, that he has that recollection, to be honest. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's incredible. So some of the stories. So let me ask you this. So you've made some of these connections within your community with residents that never met each other prior to moving into your communities, and they've built these friendships. So have you seen. So I know that I seen, like, on social media, like, some. Maybe marriages that have occurred or specific relationships where, you know, you see, like, the little fluttering hearts that have occurred. I think that those are just incredible. So have you seen any of this type of budding relationships out of your community? 

Christy Rupe Craddock [12:51 - 12:52]: You want to go, Christy, or should I? 

Paula Harder [12:52 - 13:31]: Oh, well, I know we're both, like, on the edge of our seat because we love love so much. And, you know, interestingly enough, the word love is one of those required behaviors. That's part of our mission statement. Right. And so, I mean, who doesn't love love and who doesn't love a good love story? And I think about. We've seen so many examples of love really blooming among residents and. And finding these later in life, relationships and companionships that bring so much meaning and purpose to our residents lives. But do you want to talk about the. The first one, Paula, that we want to share? 

Christy Rupe Craddock [13:32 - 13:39]: Sure. As I was, I'm like, there's, it feels like we had one and now there's all kinds of them happening. 

Paula Harder [13:39 - 13:39]: Yeah. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [13:39 - 14:34]: It's like we opened a door for marriage and love and now it's happening quite, quite a lot. But in one of our communities, Kings Grant, we have a couple that they knew each other as children and they were friends, they were best friends, and I think they were high school sweethearts. But then they went their separate ways and they married other people and had children and lived their lives and they end up coming back together and deciding to get back together in the as seniors and deciding to move into this community together. And so they've been together for a very long time and they decided that they wanted to just finally kind of confirm that, that love for each other. And they had a wedding in our community which was absolutely beautiful and fun. And now it's not even the first wedding we've had in our communities. Christy has another story to share, which is just beautiful. 

Darleen Mahoney [14:34 - 14:41]: I feel like, I feel like that was a Lifetime story that you just told. I feel like you could do like a miniseries or a Lifetime movie on that. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [14:42 - 14:42]: Yeah. 

Darleen Mahoney [14:42 - 14:44]: Yeah. That's incredible. 

Paula Harder [14:44 - 17:16]: Yeah. And we, we have another wedding that's upcoming actually in a few weeks. That it's actually the resident lives at our community and his daughter is getting married. And it's very important to him as it is most fathers to be able to walk their daughter down the aisle. And this family, you know, obviously he's very passionate about walking his daughter down the aisle. They approached us to ask if we could host the wedding in our beautiful courtyard so that it's meaningful still for them as a family. The daughter still gets her father to walk her down the aisle and he is just beaming with love. So I think this is a great story about how, you know, obviously we talk a lot about family and I think, you know, we, we take it very seriously when families even consider us as an option for them and their loved one. And I'll often say, you know, we're auditioning to be family members. Every time a family checks us out. Right. That's what we're doing. We're on stage and saying, hey, can we be, can we please be part of your family? Right. And that's what families need to think about when they go to look and research communities. Does it feel as though this community or this location is trying to be and wanting deeply, genuinely to be part of your family and you part of theirs. And so we don't just care about the residents we serve. This is a great example of how it's our responsibility to love on and integrate with the residents, families too. And if we didn't have that level of connection with this whole family, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have asked, hey, can we host, can my dad host this wedding at his home? Because that's really what it is. It's his home. So we love being part of life celebrations. And I think it's important to remember that as we age, there's still so much to celebrate and still take part of that. It's not the final chapter of our residents lives. This is their sunset years. And when you think about an actual sun setting on the horizon, it's not a farewell, it is a, hey, this is a beautiful conclusion for today. Right? And then the sun's going to rise again. And so there's, there's beauty and celebration in sunset years. And these weddings, these examples are, are great, are great ones to really drive that point home. 

Darleen Mahoney [17:16 - 18:22]: Yeah, you said it. You hit the nail on the head for me because I was thinking it and then you actually said it. This is his home. So when you move in and assisted living or you move in independent or wherever it is, that is your home. And you should be able to have your family, have those celebrations, have your friends, and be able to do the things that you would normally be able to do if you were living in your own home and feel comfortable with that. And one of the things is, I think it's really cool that the staff is able to learn about their residents, learn, you know, a little bit about who that resident is on a deeper level than this is. Mr. Jones, and Mr. Jones has, you know, some of these medical issues and Mr. Jones is this age, you know, these different things. But you learn about him as a person, his history, his likes, his dislikes, those types of things. So you really do connect with that person on such a deeper level, and that's with the staff as well. So I think that that's really important. But the fact that it is his home as it should be, that's awesome. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [18:22 - 19:26]: Because it ties into a story that came to mind as Christy was talking. You know, we'd be remiss if we didn't talk about how associates become part of that family and our residents look to them as part of their family. We had a program Assistant in a community. She was getting married, and she had the memory care residents help her create all of the flowers for her wedding because she wanted them. Even though they weren't going to all be at her wedding, which she. She still went in her dress and let them see everything, but they wouldn't be at their wedding. And so she wanted them to be with her. And she told them, I would like you to be with me on my wedding day, so you will be through all of the flowers that you helped create. And when people can make a connection with individuals that they're caring for, I just, you know, that's when you know you've made a really good connection because you want them to be a part of every part of your life and not just your work life. And we've got so many wonderful associates that, you know, they make our residents part of their family and they think of them as family. And that's what you want when you're looking for someone to care for a loved one. 

Darleen Mahoney [19:26 - 19:26]: Yeah. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [19:26 - 19:41]: You want them to care for them the same way you would. And so, you know, residents that come into senior living, you're nurturing other people. You're showing your wisdom and showing them how to. Showing all of us how to grow up and be good people. 

Paula Harder [19:41 - 19:42]: So. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [19:42 - 19:49]: So I think, yeah, that whole family aspect is. Is really important in creating that family feel. 

Paula Harder [19:49 - 20:44]: Well, it's funny because you mentioned that about the. Our associate that engaged the residents to help with the flowers. You know, when I first started in the industry almost 25 years ago, I was not married. And when I got married to my husband, and we're getting ready to come up on our 20th anniversary in a couple of weeks. When we got married, I was working in a community, and we packed the bus full of residents, and they came and attended my wedding because they were part of me and I felt part of them. And, like, the residents threw me a baby shower, or not a baby shower, a wedding, or like a bridal shower. Sorry. But they. They came and I remember, like, I remember every single resident standing in the receiving line and, you know, when I was just so happy because, I mean, it was. They. They were my family, you know, and that's. That's really. That's really the. The meaning of life. Right? 

Christy Rupe Craddock [20:45 - 21:38]: And so it's so hard. It's so hard not to share all the stories because when I got married, too, we weren't able to bring them to the church, but the community was right across the street. So my husband and I went right after. They were part of our receiving line. But we went to them and walked through the whole community. They were all there waiting in the room. Like, we were late, but they stayed up late. Yeah. You just. It. It's what keeps us coming. I know. It's what fills me up. We talk to associates all the time, and when we're doing dementia training, we want associates to recognize that when you let a resident into your life, it fills you up. So on the hard days, when it's harder to come into work, that you just want to go because it's your family, you're not going to not go because it's your family. And when you let them in and you let them look you in the eye and say, thank you, honey. Oh, my gosh. I mean, there's just no better way to get up every day and go to work. 

Darleen Mahoney [21:38 - 23:02]: Yeah. When I looked for a community for my dad who had dementia, that environment was my number one priority. I got to know the people that were working there. I met with them, I went through the community and really connected with the people that were there, and I felt like they would take care of my dad. And I was up there every single day, and I could see that they cared about him, they cared about their residents, and that was my number one goal. It wasn't really, because it wasn't a fancy community. It was close to my home, which is the other thing, because it was probably five minutes away. I just wanted to make sure I could get up there pretty quickly. But the fact that they took such great care of him, and when my dad did pass away in that community, they cried with me, and I knew I had made the right decision. I was very grateful for the care that they had provided for him and the fact that I knew that when I was not there, they took very good care of him and they cared about my dad. It was not something that was for me or for show or anything like that. They truly did care about my dad, and they took good care of him. So that was my number one goal when looking for a community. So to have that connection that they had with their residents. So. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [23:02 - 24:12]: And you mentioned earlier, we were kind of talking about, you know, for anyone listening, what do we look for? What do you look for when you go and you start looking into senior living? I think that's a key point when you go into a community. Are you welcomed through the door? Do people say, hi? Are they smiling at you? Do they make an effort to know who you are, even if they don't know who you are? And I Think we do. We do a lot of work on that at Commonwealth Senior Living. You know, making the connections, greeting people where they're at, smiling and answering the phone happily so everybody feels welcome. But if you're looking into care communities, look for that. Look for those people that meet your eye when the caregiver stops and says, is there anything I can do for you? Nothing moves people more than when somebody even walks away from a tour and says, I'm sorry, I need to go cover this resident up because they're laying on the couch and they're a little bit chilly. Yeah, those are the kinds of little things that will, you know, get you past the right answers and see what. What's actually happening. Right. Because words, words speak, but actions speak louder. So those are really good things to look for when you're looking into senior living. 

Darleen Mahoney [24:12 - 24:54]: Absolutely. They're super important. I got to know so many of the residents while my dad was there that I even went back after he passed away because I really kind of missed them. I missed just chatting with them and hearing their stories, and I knew that they. They loved having me come up there and talk to them, and it was important to them to have that social interaction. So, yeah, it was hard because I. They. They had become a part of my life, too. So, yeah, I think it was, you know, it was such a positive thing. So, yeah, I can absolutely appreciate those social connections that seniors need, even, you know, as they age, for sure. So, yeah. Yeah. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [24:54 - 26:25]: And part of that story, when individuals move into Commonwealth Senior Living, we want to really make sure they get a good start. You know, we talked about earlier matching them up with a friend. We also try to match them up with associates, like, who are the associates that are really going to click with them? And also making sure our leadership team is staying connected in that first part of moving in. So we have a program called Journeys where we're following that resident and really engaging with them on a regular basis, checking in on how are they doing, how is the story going for them, what can we do and reassessing after 30 days? Like how where have we gone in the last 30 days, and have we taken that story and have we seen any improvements? One of the things that our platform does is help us see, has their quality of life grown in the 30 days that they've been with us, and has it grown in the 90 days and has it grown in six months? So we're not just guessing anymore. I've been in Senior living for 40 years, next year, and in activities and engagement for about 15, 20 of those years. And we used to have to do all this by hand. There's so many options out there that help associates who work in engagement and any community that has life engagement in the community that will help us collate some of that information and get to it quicker. Right. To be able to really focus programs and activities has always been about that calendar on the wall. What kind of calendar is on the wall? What kind of activities are on the cal. And while those are really important, not everybody engages in an activity that's on a calendar. 

Darleen Mahoney [26:25 - 26:25]: Right. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [26:25 - 27:00]: Christy talked earlier about, you know, the extroverts that want to be a part of everything and the introverts. And I always kind of laugh when I'm talking to my team, like, listen, I'm going to be your resident who has this occupation of having been activity person and activity director. I'm not going to be that person, though, in your care. I'm going to be the person that wants Netflix and a pizza card so that you can bring stuff to me. And I'm gonna be keeping my distance, but I'll be just fine, and my quality of life will be just fine. Right. So meeting people where they're at and knowing that engagement is more than just the calendar on the wall. 

Darleen Mahoney [27:00 - 27:00]: Yeah. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [27:00 - 28:05]: And in order to satisfy what somebody needs to create that quality means you gotta know more than whether they like bingo or not or whether they like, you know, an outing or not. You gotta know, like, what is their routine and their habit, and are they an introvert or an extrovert? And does trying to get them to come to a large group actually turn them off? Or does trying to get them to sit in a small group turn them off? Right. Engagement. And I always kind of say engagement is a really broad term, and people define it differently. There are people that will define engagement as an activity group on a calendar, but engagement is looking people in the eye and knowing what they need and what they want and how they're feeling and being able to guide it and choreograph it their life into that, knowing that they just as soon play a game of bridge outside of the calendar stuff and have a good time doing that. We have residents that will just come sit in offices and talk to the individuals in the office. And we have former nurses and caregivers and doctors who, you know, want to continue to do those kinds of things. 

Darleen Mahoney [28:05 - 28:06]: Right. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [28:06 - 28:20]: So, you know, you got to kind of flex and bend on that word engagement, and find out what engagement means for each person. Because if Christy and I were sharing A room in senior living. She and I would need two different types of engagement plans. 

Darleen Mahoney [28:23 - 28:23]: Yeah. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [28:23 - 28:24]: Yeah. 

Darleen Mahoney [28:25 - 28:58]: I did want to ask you. So I know that probably the initial move, especially for a senior, that this might be their very first assisted living. Maybe they've just sold their home, Their kids have sold their home because they now need an assisted living. Do you find that there. There might be some additional help based on. Just because it can be very emotional, it can be a really hard time mentally to make those big life adjustments. Are those things that you kind of consider when you're. You're working on this initial plan? 

Paula Harder [29:00 - 29:16]: Absolutely. I mean, I. I think the decision for senior living for any family is likely one of the most emotionally intimate purchases that a family's ever going to make. Right. 

Darleen Mahoney [29:16 - 29:17]: It's hard. Yeah. Really hard. 

Paula Harder [29:17 - 29:57]: You are. You are saying, as a family, number one, you're saying, you know what? I can't be everything to everyone. I need help. Our family needs help. And there's a lot of guilt that's wrapped up in that. So, I mean, there's this heaviness, right. And so that emotional journey that a family even has to go through and reconcile before they ever pick up the phone or fill out a web form to say, hey, I'm just a little bit curious. So huge, right? So that has to be factored in. And when we talk about the life story for our resident, we make a commitment to improve the lives of seniors, their families, and each other. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [29:58 - 29:58]: Right. 

Paula Harder [29:58 - 31:16]: So that each other is our associates. And while the residents are the epicenter of what we do and why we exist, the family is just as important to us. So supporting the family on that emotional journey is a huge part of our getting the life story and knowing how we can customize and individualize and tailor a support plan for not just the resident, but the whole family. And so I know Paula can talk about our support groups, and we've got some very formalized ways in which that we support the family through the journey as well. But also just being open to, you know what? If you need a good cry, wear your best tissue. Right? If you need a shoulder to lean on or someone to help prop you up and hold your hand or put their arm around you and say, like, you're a good child and you're doing what's best for your loved ones, one like, this is a gift. This is you getting to repay your. Your loved one for all they did to help you through your life. And now you're getting to show them in a real, true, loving way of what that meant to you in, in, in getting and surrounding with a, with an army of support so that they can live their best life and enjoy those sunset years? 

Darleen Mahoney [31:17 - 32:16]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think all these things, when you're looking for senior living, asking do you have support groups for families, do you have all of these different things for my loved one, for my mom, for my dad, these are some questions, you know, I hope people that are listening take notes because I know that I don't know about those listening but if I don't write it down, I will forget. So writing some of these key things down that are important to you, that you think is going to be important to your loved one to make sure that you get some of these answered. When you're visiting communities or you're making phone calls before you even walk into a community, is this something that you offer? Because I think all of these things are such game changers for your family members to be able to make big life changes once they get into that community for the highest quality of life that they can have from a social aspect. 

Paula Harder [32:16 - 33:34]: Yeah. I would recommend for listeners if you start no matter where you are on your exploration journey. One of the things that I would be really sure to ask for when you've narrowed your list down and you're looking at a community is to say explain to me what the first 30 days are going to look like for my loved one or share with me how you help them integrate and get used to a new environment. And what you, what you probably don't want to hear is well, they wake up at this time, they go to breakfast at this time, they go to lunch at this time where it's, it's more of, well, if your loved one moves in here, they're going to fit into our routine and our schedule. That's not what you want. You want, you want to hear how the community is going to integrate into your loved ones routines and life's lifestyle and preferences and their likes and dislikes like Paula mentioned earlier, because it's, that's how you can really tell with that answer. Is this somewhere where, you know, residents go to live in a community or are the associates and the team just happen to work in the resident's house? 

Darleen Mahoney [33:34 - 33:35]: Right. 

Paula Harder [33:35 - 33:56]: You want the latter, right? It's not about moving into, this isn't school, this isn't daycare, this isn't, you know, you got to follow this routine and the bell's going to ring and then you have to do this. It's really about them bringing their life into the community and the community, you know, wrapping their arms around them to figure out what's best for them. 

Darleen Mahoney [33:57 - 34:20]: I love that. That was perfect. Yeah, those are great questions to ask and answers that you do and do not want to hear. So perfect. No, I loved that. I loved that. So let me ask you this one question before we sign off on this podcast. Is there anything else that you would like to add that we didn't talk about today? Because I don't want to sign off and miss anything. 

Christy Rupe Craddock [34:22 - 36:44]: Well, I think we could both talk for days and days about our love of senior living. I have a significant focus in memory care, so, you know, particularly passionate. I think we're both passionate about people with dementia and the families who are caring for someone with dementia. We have a layered approach. Christy's team does an amazing job with speaker series on all different kinds of senior topics and about senior living. And also her team becomes dementia experts so that they can speak about dementia meaningfully. And then we have training for our families. Before our families move in, we. We want them to know what to expect. Right. They come in and they, they see the glam and the beauty and all the cool programs and they see all the fun things we're going to do. But that doesn't always translate into understanding, particularly in a memory care neighborhood, what that's going to look and feel like. And so giving them that expectation and letting them know what it's going to look like and feel like in the first three weeks. Specifically, people with dementia have a transition phase and, you know, setting them up for success. And we found that people were more content in the first 90 days when we gave them that realistic expectation and things to understand that for the disease process of dementia, this is perfectly normal. These things that your loved one is doing that are concerning to you, they're very, very normal. And our associates are going to guide you through that. And then once they're with us, as Christy mentioned, we have a support group for families to help navigate that emotional part. We also do a support group. I lead a support group once a month virtually for people who are caring for people at home. Because I think it's also important to look at, if you're looking at a senior community, what do they do outside of their community? Are they working to educate the greater community? Because we're all a part of that community. An assisted living that is operating within a city is a part of that community. And giving back, helping create dementia friendly communities and senior friendly communities is important. And when you can see that outreach and you can see where that love for people expands beyond the walls of the community. You know, you're looking in a good place because it's not just about what's happening within the walls, it's what's happening within the whole community. 

Darleen Mahoney [36:45 - 37:07]: Yeah, I absolutely agree. I thank you for that. Absolutely. Well, I did want to share that. We are going to share the link to TSO Life, which is a program that Commonwealth Senior Living utilizes if you're interested in learning a little bit more about that. And then also we'll share the link to Commonwealth Senior Living, which so share with us exactly where that's located. It's located in Virginia. 

Paula Harder [37:08 - 37:24]: We, we are based. Our home office and where we originated was in Virginia, but we're a mid Atlantic company now in. In multiple states. So we're in Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Connecticut and Michigan. 

Darleen Mahoney [37:24 - 37:25]: Okay. 

Paula Harder [37:25 - 38:10]: So if you go to our website, which is commonwealth sl.com you can see all of our communities. You can learn more about some of the programs that that we've talked about. You can find information of how to join that virtual support group that Paula hosts every month that free to anyone, and get to learn about all things related to dementia, seniors, you name it, it's covered. And there are folks that pop in and out, you know, maybe visit at one time. And then she's got a cult following as well of people that have hung out with her the whole time. So. And it's people from all over the country and it's just another resource network. And you can find out more about that on our website. Website too. 

Darleen Mahoney [38:10 - 38:12]: You could never have too many resources. 

Paula Harder [38:12 - 38:13]: That's right. 

Darleen Mahoney [38:13 - 38:47]: Especially when it comes to dementia, because that is like the roller coaster, I'm telling you so. No, I absolutely appreciate that. And we'll include that link in all of the apps as well. So it'll be in the description. So that's easy access for everyone. And I just want to thank both of you ladies. Thank you so much for joining me today on this podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, we have over a hundred podcasts available anywhere you enjoy music such as Spotify, Apple podcasts, Good pods and most anywhere else. Thank you for listening.