Tales from the first tee

The Augusta Rejection (From the archives 2022)

• Rich Easton

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Rich shares his disastrous attempt to land a job working the Masters Tournament at Augusta National, complete with a terrifying security guard encounter and a hilariously botched interview.

• Never been to the Masters despite applying for tickets through the lottery system for years
• Received legitimate email opportunity to work as merchandise staff during the tournament
• Nearly got shot trying to take a selfie at the Augusta National entrance
• Spilled hot sauce on white golf shirt before the interview
• Showed up underdressed while everyone else wore suits
• Failed the interview after admitting planning to commute 60 miles each day
• Still has not set foot on Augusta National's grounds

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Speaker 1:

You're listening to Tales from the First Tee. I'm your host, rich Easton, recording from beautiful Charleston, south Carolina. Today is November 10th, 2020, and this is Masters Week In the golf world. This used to signal all golfers that the golf season was about to begin, because in most every year before our COVID-19 crisis, the event was held in early April. Now it's almost mid-November and it's a signal to most of the Northeast, midwest and mountain region that it's the end to the season.

Speaker 1:

I live two hours south of Augusta and the weather here is still very golfy I mean, with the exception of a little storm front coming into northeast Georgia that might call for some rain gear. It's still going to be in the 70s, so it's still very golfy. I'm a big Masters fan, but I've never had the chance to walk the grounds. Just about everybody I've met in Charleston has been to the event at least once. I mean, I've been to two Ryder Cups, two US Opens and a PGA Championship, but never the Masters. But, that being said, I do have a personal Masters story that's appropriate for this weekend. Around three and a half years ago, when I'd been in Charleston for maybe a year or so, I was so bummed that I hadn't been to the Masters and I kept hearing these stories from all my friends here that they've been there, they love it, it's the greatest event, and I just couldn't get tickets.

Speaker 1:

Every year, I guess for the last 10 years, I've gone online and applied for tickets and I guess they send something out in the I don't know maybe over the summertime, and they ask you you know, do you want tickets Now? You have to buy them, but still you can get them and they have a lottery. And so I've always gone in. First I went out you know the practice rounds, they're probably easy to get and then later in the last few years it's been like no, I want Friday or Saturday, maybe even Sunday. But what you do is you apply online and then a few months later you get the notice and you'll wait for it. And it's like every year I get this email from the masters and I'm like I can't wait, this is it. And I open it up and they start with a very flowery sentence and then by the second or third sentence you realize, yeah, but you're not going to get tickets this year, you're rejected. So I guess three and a half years ago I was rejected and somehow I got this email from the masters that suggested they were looking for people to work the tournament and first of all, I think it's a scam. So I write back. This is a scam, come on, you know. But in hopes that maybe it wasn't, so I sent them back an email. They replied within 24 hours. This is not a scam. You could give us a call. They had a number and I did. I called and I found out no, they were looking for people to work the tournament. Now, every year they have a lot of the same people coming back and working the tournament, but in every year they also lose people that can't do it, don't want to do it, can't get up there, whatever the reason is and I don't know what that number is, maybe 20 or 25% of attrition. But hey, there are opportunities to work the masters. So I get this email, I call, I find out it's real.

Speaker 1:

And now I get excited and my brain starts working overtime and I'm thinking oh my God, here's a chance to walk the hallowed grounds of Augusta National. And I start thinking, oh my God, here's a chance to walk the hallowed grounds of Augusta National. And I start thinking, okay, first of all, I'm going to have this interview. It's probably going to be in the clubhouse. So I'm going to drive in, drive through Magnolia Boulevard, which is beautiful, and get to the clubhouse park my car, walk in and walk through the hall and see all of the photos of all the past winners. Then I'm going to sit down for my interview. We're going to have a conversation. I've got a lot of background in retailing and all the thinking behind retailing. So I'll kill the interview. I'll walk out of there, come back, work the tournament and on my breaks I'm going to go out and walk and maybe see some of my favorite players. So I am really thrilled. I'm excited. Hey, I have an interview. This is going to go really well. So I get this confirmation. It's an email confirmation a few weeks later that I've got an interview, but it's going to take place across the street from Augusta National. Okay, so the first part of my anticipated interview wasn't going to take place in the clubhouse place in the clubhouse. That's okay Because, again, I think once I get the job and once I do the merchandising, I'll be able to walk through the hallowed grounds, go down Magnolia Boulevard and see the most pristine golf course that I've ever seen.

Speaker 1:

So the day before the interview I asked my ex hey, what should I wear for the interview? I mean, it wasn't an interview for an executive position, it was an interview for a retail merchandising role. So maybe I go with golf slacks, a golf shirt yeah, that's probably appropriate. And I was thinking maybe I should have a sports jacket appropriate. And I was thinking maybe I should have a sports jacket. But it was suggested to me that that might be too formal. It's a casual environment so you need to go dress casual.

Speaker 1:

So the next day, the day of the interview, and again it's like a two, two and a half hour drive up to Augusta. My alarm goes off at 5 am, the interview's at 10 am, I get in the car by 6 am and I drive up. It's an uneventful trip. By 8.30, I am entering the Augusta area and it was a little different than what I expected. But you know, not everything can look like the golf course outside the golf course. So now I got 90 minutes to kill and the first thing I wanted to do I'm driving by and I see the golf course and I see the members entrance. So I'm thinking wouldn't it be clever to pull in, get out of my car and take a selfie in front of this you know Augusta National green sign. I mean. That would basically commemorate the fact that I'm there, I've made it to Augusta National. And so as I pull in, I see there's a guardhouse on the right and I could see Magnolia Boulevard in front of me, and before that there is this very sophisticated gate system. It looks like three or four of these green metal cylinders that are up as high as four feet that I imagine lower into the ground when members or guests are waved in. So I am getting even more excited about this.

Speaker 1:

Not but 10 seconds after I stop my car, a linebacker-sized guard starts approaching my car with his right hand on his holster. So I rolled down my passenger window and before I could say anything, the guard looked at me and said sir, back your car out of the driveway and do not get out of the vehicle. So I thought maybe I could reason with him and maybe I'll start to tell him that I'm here for an interview. So I start saying a few words. He cuts me off and says sir, I'm not going to ask you again. His right hand opened up his holster and put his hand on the gun and he said back your car out of the driveway now. So in retrospect I'm guessing I wasn't the first looky-loo that wanted to get a selfie. So I back out in record speed and almost clipped this car passing by on Washington Road. Out in record speed and almost clipped this car passing by on Washington Road.

Speaker 1:

So I still had an hour before the interview and I found a fast food restaurant and ordered a breakfast sandwich and coffee. And in my excitement over the whole security guard incident I might have applied too much hot sauce on my sandwich and after the first or second bite it started spilling down on my white golf shirt. Anyway, as a dumb guy, I just figured nobody'd notice. So I get to the parking lot of this old rundown strip center it's where my GPS had taken me and I'm just like am I certain this is it? So I'm sitting in the driveway and fortunately, over the next 15 to 20 minutes I notice that other cars are starting to pull into the driveway just like me, and so this is like a cattle call. So I was originally thinking it's going to be maybe a one-on-one interview, like so many others I've conducted as a VP of sales for several companies, so I kind of get interviews.

Speaker 1:

Now it's 945. Everybody starts getting out of their cars to line up in front of this pop-up office and what I noticed very quickly is all the guys were wearing suits and sport jackets. Son of a bitch, I got it wrong. I mean, all these years of corporate protocol, I should have just been smart enough at least to bring a sport jacket. I was also what I thought was the grayest man in the bunch. Now I'm not going to pull the ageism card, because if I had dressed more appropriate and more professional I could have pulled off a VP look. But no, not retired Richie. I'm looking like a retired guy with a stained white golf shirt hoping to land a job for the Masters. But even after that I still had one more arrow in my quiver.

Speaker 1:

I knew how to interview and I knew how interviews worked on both sides of the desk. I mean, I was thinking I could bullshit my way through the interview and press the hiring manager with my experience and years of sales and marketing. And well shit, I called on the onriest buyers at Walmart, costco and I've been able to get the order. I've hired and directed entire teams of category managers that analyze sales data and convert it into insights that influence retailers to change assortment and promotional plan. I mean I led this team of insight managers to develop this sales presentation for the sales team that influenced Walmart and Target to stock personal massagers on their shelves and that's a benign word for vibrators. So I'm thinking I could handle an interview for merchandising.

Speaker 1:

So now it's 10 o'clock and we all rustle in like cattle and there's a sign-up sheet. So we sign up for our interviews and I guess it's first come, first serve and I'm the 10th guy on the list. So I go over to this area where they have these fold-up card table chairs waiting for our names to be called table chairs waiting for our names to be called. And, being the 10th person on the list, I got to watch nine people in front of me stand up, shake hands with their hiring manager and then walk in and during that time, before my name was called, I didn't see anybody come out or exit and it's been like 20, 30 minutes. So I'm thinking, hey, this is a long interview. This plays right into my hand. I mean, just gives me time, more time to bullshit.

Speaker 1:

Now my name's called and I see the hiring manager stand up and as I walk towards her, she's looking at me and she sees how I'm dressed. And she you could see her face like this look of disappointment that she's got to spend time with this guy. And as I get closer to her, she starts staring at the stain on my shirt. It was like the Austin Powers scene where he's talking to this guy who was supposed to be this mole, with this giant mole on his face, and Austin Powers couldn't look away and every time he tried to say something, he kept saying the word mole. Well, that's what it felt like when she was looking at my shirt. So, needless to say, I'm a little self-conscious about underdressing for the interview and spilling breakfast on my shirt, but I was going to overcome it once I had a chance to speak about qualifications and my desire to work the tournament. So I get in there.

Speaker 1:

She's very cordial, she's very nice. She asked me a few basic questions and I think I'm killing it. And then she asked a question it might've been like the third question. She's like so where are you planning to stay during the tournament? Well, I had thought about just every answer to every question and that was one I was just not prepared for and I'm like well, what do you mean? And she goes, well, she goes. You know, hotels are booked up. Now they're typically booked up years in advance for a radius of like 70 miles from here. She goes so have you booked a hotel? And I'm thinking, no, I don't know if I got the job yet, I didn't know if I was going to the Masters. I was going to wait, get the job and then book a hotel.

Speaker 1:

So then I quickly thought, well, I'm going to stay in Columbia, south Carolina, I mean, that's like 60 miles away. And I say to her Columbia, you know, I've got friends in Columbia. I could stay there. I don't have one friend in Columbia. But she looks at me and she goes. Well, you know, this job is for an entire week, not just for the four days, and you have to be here at six o'clock every morning and you probably close at around seven or eight. She goes 60 miles is a long way to be from here. She goes and the traffic here in the morning is just horrible. And I'm like, yeah, no, I understand it's, you know, but I'm going to be staying in Columbia.

Speaker 1:

And then I get the question, the five dreaded words that you never want to hear in an interview, particularly in what you consider to be the beginning of the interview, and she looks at me and she goes do you have any questions? I'm like, oh no, but I had a list of questions. I'm always prepared. And so you know, before she started asking me questions, she gave me a little tutelage about what the job was about and I think that went over my head. I was just getting prepared for the questions and my first question to her is so what are you looking for in a tournament merchandiser? And when she responded, like I already said, and then she finished her sentence, I knew it was over. So I stood up, I shook her hand and I was out of the office in 15 minutes.

Speaker 1:

Here's my summary Five hours on the road of driving, a near fatal meeting with an Augusta National Guard, a breakfast catastrophe and an Augusta National Guard A breakfast catastrophe and an interview gone so bad. Who knew one day that I'd be looking back and laughing at myself? I mean, who knew I'd be doing a podcast? You've been listening to Tales from the First Tee. I'm your host, rich Easton, who still has not graced the grounds of Augusta National. Let's see if Bryson can win this weekend and I invite you to like my Facebook page or visit my website. Both Tales from the First Tee. If you hate it, don't rate it. Talk to you soon.