Do They Have Two Heads?

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Do They Have Two Heads?

Have you ever looked at someone else's success and thought, They're smarter than me. They're more talented than me. I could never do what they do.

But do they really?

In this episode of Overthinking Understanding, we're talking about comparison, imposter syndrome, confidence, and why so many of us convince ourselves that success is meant for other people. The truth is, nobody has two heads. Nobody has two brains. Sometimes, the only difference is they kept going.

What's one thing you've been telling yourself you can't do? And what happens if you finally stop believing that story?

🎥 Watch the video episode today on all platforms.
🎧 The audio version drops Wednesday.

As always, be genuine to yourself and kind to others

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

What's going on, beautiful people? Welcome back to another episode of Overthinkin' Understanding Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Moore, and we are back with another episode. Y'all heard that intro. I am Victoria Moore, and we are back with another episode. As always, I'm so excited to be talking to y'all, um, engaging with y'all, whatever y'all want to say. I'm excited to be having y'all here with me. Before we get into this episode, if y'all have been listening this year, we have a partnership with One Day at a Time Nutrition. One Day at a Time Nutrition is a meal prep company that is serving those who serve truck drivers and their service dogs. One day at a time nutrition, serving those who serve one day at a time. Y'all can email them, check out their website. I'm being told that the menu will be finalized shortly and posted, and they will be doing their soft opening. So one day at a time nutrition is a male prep company specifically serving those who serve. So, yes, let's get into today's episode. So, if y'all see me looking over, as always, I'm just making sure that we're good in the studio, making sure I ain't getting any notes from the producer or anything like that. So, um today's episode. I was on social media and I heard this saying, and I guess it's a saying from a Nigerian household, but I feel like it resonates, it resonates so much with one overthinking, understanding, and two, with myself and what I was taught inside of my household of, you know, no one's no better than you are, you're no better than anybody else. And it's just saying that, you know, when you get to looking, looking down or feeling down or looking too outward, you kind of start looking inward. So the saying that I heard was, do he have two heads? And I was like, What? Like, do they have two heads? And it I guess it's like the Nigerian saying, and of course, like once you find something on social media, you can just go down a rabbit hole. So going down a rabbit hole, it was like when people come home and they'll get bad grades. I wouldn't even say necessarily bad grades, too. People say like they'll come home with a B, and the parents would be like, Well, why didn't you get an A? And then whatever excuse that'll be given, maybe like, you know, only this many people received A's, or the curriculum was hard, or whatever. And the parents would say, So the people who got A's, do they have two heads? I also uh heard it where they were like, Do they have two brains? And I thought that that was so powerful. Like, so do you think they're smarter than you, or are they smarter than you? Or are they more capable to figure it out than you are? And I think it was beautiful because it reminds us that everyone is still human. Even though some humans' brains work at more capacity than others, we are still human. It is it is still that human connection, as far as we know. I know the aliens are walking the muscles, but all juxtapside, we have that we have that human connection and human bringing back to reality. I speak about it on the show all the time where I say like you can find somebody that inspires you and you do not have to be bitter about their success. Because success is not this thing. First of all, we already know like success is not linear. A lot of times when people get stuck being employees or getting taught certain things, you can't make that many mistakes because you were there to produce produce something for a boss or a corporation where it can't fail. But you know that that corporation or that boss done failed so many times. So sometimes you get stuck in the rut of like, I can't fail, I can't fail, I can't fail, I can't fail, I want to be perfect. Uh a lot of times I've noticed, like, you know, working jobs, service, whatever, like people want to be complete. And if you're complete, then there's no room left to grow. It's no, it's no more room to elevate. But people don't look at it that way. It's like, oh, I'm complete, I'm I'm there, I'm smart, this is the smart as I need to be. And and some people even start surrounding themselves with people who make them feel like they're better. It's like, oh, well, this person is not as smart as I am. So now you feel like you have two heads, you in the wrong room. If you feeling like you got two heads, two brains, and the people that you're around are just, for lack of better terms, too stupid to be around you, then you're in the wrong room. And you for being in that room is stupid. With all due respect, you don't want to surround yourself with with people who you feel like can't cut it or are not important. And for those who are surrounded by people who do that, or you just do it to yourself and that person could move as humbly as possible, but you're intimidated by their success or the things that they do and the way that they move. Remember that we're all just human. Remember that imposter syndrome is imposter syndrome is so normal. Especially when you get to elevating, you are becoming a different person. For lack of a better word, you are an imposter. You are a imposter to the person that you were. Because the person that you are now and the person that you were two, three years ago, they don't know each excuse me, they don't know each other the same way. They don't necessarily think the same way. So it's like who is I wouldn't say nothing like that. If your version of yourself now would meet the version of yourself, then you'd be like, Who is this person? Especially like if you're elevated, you know? You'd be like, who who is who is this person and and why is this person why is this person saying this? So just remember, like, you ask yourself, you know what I'm saying? We're talking about do they have two heads? You ask yourself, if you're looking at someone and you're saying, Why are they so successful? Why how are they more successful than I am? Think about are they smarter? Are they smarter than me? Are they m just more talented than me? Do they have something that I don't have? I could never do what they do. If these are thoughts that that you have thought to yourself, you're telling yourself, also remind yourself, they do not have two heads, they do not have two brains, and they don't have superpowers. Even though some humans have a wonderful ability to make it look like they do. They all humans. And it's nine times out of ten is work, is work that. Because if you have work to do, do work. If you are busy and you're doing something that is causing you to stay stay still and be on your computer for an hour, your phone for an hour, or back and forth with calls. I I I say it all the time on this podcast, people who are successful usually are not the ones that's talking down on people or saying like, oh, you just you're just too busy. You're always busy because they understand because they are busy. At the end of the day, I'll say, even in this podcast realm, even with having uh a nine to five, having a a freaking, you know, the the shirt business, having this company on the side, you get opportunities. Nine times out of ten, it's it's scheduling meetings, it's making sure that timelines meet up, it's making sure that your your merchandise is being able to be out. We're just now covering reducing the overhead. So now we're bringing stuff in in-house for the shirt company, and that's a whole different ball game. Now you gotta redo vendors and figure out how are you gonna get the merchandise printed out? What machines are you gonna use? This, that, and the third. So don't ever think that you're looking at somebody and it's like, oh man, they're busy, they're moving around, it looks like they're doing something. You never know what anybody is doing. Sometimes people really are busy, and sometimes people just look busy. And I always say you can spot the difference when you get to talking to people. It's like, what do you do? You can see somebody that looks so busy at work, they always get the phone up to their ear, they doing this and that. When when you come, they just sort of the conversation on the phone is so important, and then you talk to them and you like this sadness, they're you know, a question about something going on at the job or the company or something that you feel like they should know, and they don't know what's going on. And it's like, oh, how long you been here? Okay. Um, so how long well this is just the way I was talking, what I do. Long story short, looking busy and being busy would never be the same thing. On the outside, it could look the same, but it'll never be the same thing. So, um, that was my little that was my little tangent. Going back, going back. Do they have two heads? Do they have two brains? Are they smarter than you? Are they more talented than you? And the answer is no. The answer is no. The thing that we get caught up on is trying to succeed, trying to succeed the same way somebody else succeeded. Trying to receive somebody else's success. And what I mean by that is you can look at uh LeBron James, Jordan, um, Kaylani, I don't know why entertainers are popping in my head, you know, uh uh Michelle Obama, Maya Angelou, Salah Perry, I'm trying to think like outside of just but long story short, you can look at these or like even your favorite author, podcast, host, whatever, right? You can look at these people and be like, I want what they have. And the truth is that you may not ever be able to succeed, to have their success because of their success, but you can have what they have. If you want to start a podcast and and do what you need to to make it successful, you can have that. If you want to be an actress and be successful, you can have that. Actor or whatever, basketball player, whatever, you can have that. But when you look at someone and be and be like, I want exactly what they have, that is theirs. And I think sometimes that that's where imposter syndrome and comparison, and you start feeling like somebody has two heads, and the bitterness comes from. Because now you're you're covenant what somebody else has. You like, I specifically want their success, I want people to love me because my name is their name, and it's just like that's just not that's just not what it is. Or you want the success at the same time that they had it. Like you're 25 years old, but you like, I wanted to be a successful kid actor. You're not a kid anymore, and that's done past, and that's just wasn't what it is for you right now. But you can still be a successful whatever you want to be. You just wasn't able to do it as a child. And that is okay. You can still be successful, and it's so cliche because some of the most known known ones, like the KFCs and you know, Amazon was 20 years in the making and Facebook and all those different things. And I I like I say I've said it before where social media accelerates the timeline. And people mind social media accelerates the timeline because you may not follow this person when they had three followers, but you caught them when they have three million and you see the opportunities that come with having three million followers, but you didn't realize that having the three followers got them the opportunities that they have having the three million followers. But because it's on social media and it seems like an accelerated timeline because you just wasn't privy to what they had going on, now you feel like you're behind. Now you look it too far in the past. It's okay to glance at the past. Just don't get lost in it. Over staring at the past does nothing for you. So then you start building up this bitterness, this, oh man, these people are just more talented, these people are just more sparter, these people have two heads, these people have two brains, they're everyone, they're everywhere all at once. And you know that that's not the truth. You you know that that's not the truth. If you were able to prepare the behind the scenes, you'd be like, okay, like we did the same thing similar up to step five, and then on step five, nine times out of ten, we give up on ourselves or we quit. Or the people around us that who have never tried to get anything off the ground or accomplish anything, you know, like a genuine, rooted, deep idea from themselves. He's like, oh, you could be doing this better, you could be doing that better, you should have done it like this, this, that, and third. But everybody that's successful has felt failure. Everybody successful has felt like this is not gonna work. I need to stop. I feel goofy. This is, and I won't say everybody, because nothing is an absolute. Some people really was out the gate, like, I'm gonna make the world feel it, and when they catch on, they catch on, but you won't catch me saying like I didn't think this was gonna work. I didn't know when it was gonna work, I didn't know who was gonna work with and how they was gonna do it, but I know what I was pushing was gonna work, and whenever the the world catch on, the world would be caught on and I'll be screaming in front of the rooftop, I told you. And that's just is what it is. So, yeah, so success looks like success looks so effortless on the outside. Success looks like, oh, they did this and it worked out. And like I said, like an employee mindset kind of puts you there because like you can't really make mistakes. You get rewarded for being good, you get rewarded for not making mistakes. If you make mistakes, it kind of came down on you harshly, or you gotta hear about it, or you get more, you know, more people looking at you, this, that, and the third. When you're starting something from the ground and you're making those mistakes, people are not looking at you. So as an employee, do you feel like you're more successful, so successful because you got more eyes on you? No. It's just a dip, it's just a different venue. It's just a different way. So when you're starting something from the ground and you're making mistakes, and we do them on the show all the time, and and in my other business ventures, we do it all the time. And it's nobody to necessarily be like, oh, you know, you did this wrong, you did that wrong. Nine times out of ten, you catch it, you fix it, or it's just nobody there. Like it's the saying, like if a tree falls in the forest, did the tree fall? If you wasn't there, you don't know. But success looks so effortless when people are winning, but you know, like I say, behind the scenes, you don't know. So in front of you, it's just like this person got this going on, and this person got this, and they got their, you know, LLC going, they got their S-corp going, they got their savings going, this, that, and the third, but you don't know behind the scenes that they gotta pay taxes. They franchise taxes is coming out quarterly, pay it. You know, you don't know that they have to pay the quarterly taxes, pay the taxes at the end of the year. You know, employee, you might be like, man, the government's taking three, four hundred to a thousand dollars out of my check. But on the business side, that that owner, as much as they pay somebody, they have to put the same amount up for taxes because they have to pay it when it comes around. It's not automatic. Sometimes we you get stuck in the depending on what you do. Like, you know, most people have a nine to five, have a job, and that's the mindset and the way that your mind is trained to look at things. So it's like, oh man, they just get in all the money. They just got all the money. The money goes to them. No, they have a lot of responsibilities in order to make this successful. It's not just, oh man, they woke up and was able to sing. You know how many great people that are able to sing that is not successful? Because if singing and talent and and talent and anything was just enough to be successful, it would be a whole lot more people successful. But that's just not all of what it takes. And just a reminder, like throughout the whole episode, I'm gonna say it, nobody has two heads. No one has two brains that are smarter than you. Even the the twins that that are together and they share, you know, the the organs from the waist down. And or even, you know, their their their heads are fused together or they or their stuff is split, but they literally have two heads on the same same um body. They're still separate entities. For those for those rare exceptions, they have two brains, but they also think independently of each other. And I have to check myself on that. I'll have to vet myself on that. Like if if if it is any conjoining twins that has the same brainwave capacity, like their brain is split. But to my knowledge, like they have two different sets of brains and two different sets of thought processes. So even if you see somebody with two heads or two brains and you like, oh man, don't cook, they thinking on two different levels. You don't know the the capacity of what that person, that side of their brain could process or that head could process compared to what this head could process. Nobody is better than nobody. At nothing. And if we are, I always say, I always say, like, we still occupy this world together. We still human. The same thing that could get you could probably take them out. They might last a little bit longer due to resources, but the same thing that able to hurt you can hurt them. So do not, do not look so hard on your like you be don't reflect so hard on your past failures, your past mistakes. Use them to make you better. A lot of times, like I said, now and I'm only speaking about I'm only saying employee, because I know a lot of people can feel for it. Employees, schoolwork. You do not get rewarded for making for for you know making a mistake or having failures. And it's and I can say it's ironic because it's the opposite way in business. Like the failure may be the next creation that you need. Somebody accidentally messed up on the pigment that you wanted on the logo and you see it, and you like, oh, that's fire. Or somebody messed up on the letter end because you send in the email this way or the logo this way, and they interpret uh a C as a Q or U as a Q, and now you got a whole different, you know, unique closing line that you didn't even necessarily think of. Like you thought of the closing line, but you didn't think of the catchy name that's drawing people's attention in because it was a mistake that was successful. And like I said, as an employee or somebody in school or somebody learning, you don't always think of it like that. Like, oh, like I'm I'm making this mistake and it has the potential to be great. Or just it's okay to make a mistake because it has the potential to be great. So just remember that. Whenever you get to thinking about, like, I don't belong here, everybody knows more than me. I'm gonna be exposed as a fraud, I'm just not lucky. Nobody is. Nobody is. And even if you do believe in luck, they don't get to pick where the luck comes from. We can have all this superstition like lucky pair of draw, sock, rabbit's foot, this, that, and the third, and you put that belief into that, and you know, as humans, we got that confirmation bias. So regardless if it was just your time and it was your time, you go tell yourself, like, I did this ritual and this is what this is what made me successful. And that is fine. What I said all the time, whatever helps you to be the best version of yourself, do it. If what you're not putting into yourself is helping you push the best things out of yourself, change it. Switch it up. We get so caught up in letting other people and feeling like other people has the guide for our lives. I say it on the last part, like people are cracking down so bad on podcasts because some of them, some people do not need the mic. Some people do not need a mic. I do second that. But they crack down so hard because it's just like, oh, they think they know everything, and this, that, and a third. And it's some people really have something to say to make people better. Some people are not tearing people down or tearing a race of people down or just screwing a straight hate speech and you know, disgusting rhetoric. Everybody's not doing that. Everybody's not doing that. Some people, like myself, is trying to tell you you got two heads. Some like the moment that you're able to learn from other people and learn from other people's mistakes, go and drop another head on your shoulders. Go and put another head on your neck, go and put another brain inside of your head, however you want to arrange it to make sense to you. Go and do that. Because the moment that you're able to take somebody else's thought process and in their journey and digest it and make it where you're able to use it, you have you have gained another way of thinking, another logic that you did not have. And now you're able to take that with you. Just like a lot of the people, like a lot of people were saying when they were growing up, they didn't understand fully what their Nigerian parents were saying. And I'm not saying, like I said, I was when I looked it up, it said it was a Nigerian sin. That's what I seen it as. If it if somebody else came up with it, you know, whoop-doo. On here, we just gonna say it's a Nigerian sin. So, yeah. They didn't un they didn't fully understand what their parents were talking about, or or what they're you know, what their parents had going on, but they say now they think about it when they're feeling like imposter syndrome, when they're feeling like somebody is better than them, or they're gonna be exposed, or this, that, and that there, they tell themselves, do they have two heads? Do they have two brains? Are they any better than I am? I get so excited. I get so excited because when I see people be successful, isn't you know, like seeing is believing to a lot of people, right? But when I see see people be successful, especially in something that I already have going on, I'm like, yeah, I could get it. It's Not like, yeah, I want what they have. I want what, you know, I want what they have. It's like, I want to be that spot. Some people get caught up and be like, I want to be, you, you know, you got real life imitators. Like, no, I want to be this person. I want to be this person. I'm I'm changing, I'm going to the doctor to make myself look like this person. And you still can't be that person. That person can go switch their whole face, they whole thing, and they still, you, and you can look like them, and they can look like somebody else, and they're still gonna have it because the inner work and what they have going on, it it made them who they were. The mistakes, the failures, the kept going, the ability to understand, like, okay, we got something here. We we're doing something. And once again, it doesn't make them better than you. Most most successful people end up with imposter syndrome because you are a totally different person. I look at myself now like the stuff that I think about, the way that I spin, uh, just it's even the way that I move, I be like, who is this person? Like when somebody talks to me crazy and I don't react in a crazy way, I'm like, who are you? Like this is not, this is this is not Victoria. This is not Victoria. Like, who is this person? But as you elevate and as you grow, like 30-year-old Victoria, probably tell 20-year-old Victoria, like, who well, we don't, who are you? I'm you 10 years ago. Impossible. Ain't no way. Like, you look like me and you sound like me, but I don't think, like, it's no way you letting that person handle you like that, or you letting this situation go by like that, or you handling this situation like that. You are two different people. A lot of times people don't talk about that. It's okay to have imposter syndrome because you are becoming a different person. Right now, you are an imposter in your own. When you get to changing the way that you think, when you get to rearranging from them that person better than me, then no, I can be that person. I could have a better version of myself. I could be just as successful as this person was. If you used to being a pessimist and you start switching to being more optimistic, you're like, who is like what you like, what you mean is gonna work out? What do you mean, like we just have to do the steps to who are you? Like, this is not how we think. I want to stay in my rut. I want to stay in my rut. I want to be angry, I want to be upset. I don't, I don't, I don't want to change anything, I don't want to do anything different. But then, on the same hand, you you having this conversation with yourself because you're longing and wanting something that somebody else has. You're covenant some something that somebody else has. And I always think it's funny, like, and it's not a to have like a a debate about sexuality, because like, you know, human right. Everybody has the right to live their life the way that they want to. Um, but I will say to something that you you deal with personally, if you date a attractive female or a female that's attractive, and even I say with men, right? I could do, I can men do the same thing, right? Um, you could be uh it could be two guys, two women in a relationship. They could date somebody, and then you you see a man or a woman who doesn't have anybody but they want somebody, and the first thing they're gonna say in their head is, oh, that person could have been mine. No, they couldn't. They they couldn't have been here. They wasn't, it was never that the the guy all the fine guys is taken by the guys, so that's why it ain't nothing left for the women. Yeah, maybe that's true, but like that that person that you seen that made you oh so volatile and angry and possibly wanted to create uh, you know, commit a hate crime, that wasn't never your person. Like I'm not I have not took the women that you were supposed to have, so now there's no women left for you, or any other body that does it. And don't get me wrong, it happens with, you know, same-sex too. It happens with uh interracial couples too, like, oh, they're dating, they're dating a white girl, and then they're dating a black guy, the Hispanic, the Asian woman, so the Asian woman needs to say the Asian black and black. I think y'all get the point. Like when you get to thinking like that, that's when it becomes so negative and bad because now you want something that somebody else has and you feel like that's mine. That's mine. You go beautiful America, you get conquered, and it's like this is my land. Uh, you were here first, I don't care. I'm conquering it, this is what I want. I feel like this is mine, and that's when it's dangerous. Because, yes, I can look in this camera and tell you that your success is yours. But that person's success that you're covenant, and you thinking that they're better than you, or they have something, or they're trying to one up you, or whatever, that's not yours. That is not yours. Your success is your success and it's waiting on you, and you may not never reach your success or your full potential because you're worrying about trying to get somebody else's success. So now you're trying to flip the script and do the same thing that they're doing. I went to I went to a marathon. I don't know if I talked about it already in this episode. It's the days run together, right? The takes run together. But if I haven't, if I did, we're gonna speak about it now. I went to a a marathon, a half marathon. I was just say a race, because you know at the races, they run like different, they they run like different uh distances, heats or whatever like that, right? So I went to the race, I want to say it was like badass Texas or something like that. I went to the race and in support of one of my uh family members by marriage or whatever. And I always get so crunk at sporting events, and the reason I get sport crunk at sporting events are like physical activities, period. I was in the service for a long time, it was a big part of my life. Secondly, it was because physical physical activities, nobody is helping you with it. Nobody can help you with it. Like, don't get me wrong, outside of we talking about enhancements and this, then, and third. Like, nobody can help you run. Nobody can carry you across that finish line. Nobody can walk, run, jog, you know, sprint, walk, run, whatever you got to do to get to that finish line. Can't nobody help you with that. Like, you went out there and did that. You went out there and been successful. And looking at the races, you had kids running, old older people running, young people running, you had people doing 5K's that was excited to get a medal. You had people doing half marathons that was excited to get a medal. I don't know what the other distance was, but I know for sure 5K and the person I was there to watch did a half uh marathon. Shout out to them. They did it in two hours. Um, so shout out to them. But yeah, so saying all that to say, if you're worried about trying to have somebody ex assist, you could see somebody on the same track as you, on the same course as you, and they're running a 5k. So a 5k is three point something miles, right? And a half marathon is like 13 point something, thing, thing one or something like that, right? If you were watching somebody else, you know, because three three miles in the service we was always taught, like you should you're running three miles, it should be ten minutes, ten minutes, ten minutes. Your girl is never running like that. My best time was like 8 30. Uh it'll sometimes it'll take me freaking 40 minutes, 45 minutes to run three miles. I completed the three miles though, but to not get off track, right? So if you're watching somebody that's doing you like um they're running a three-mile race, but all you see is them, you know, their build, their outfit, all you see is like they're running with me, they're running with me, and they're like sprinting. They're trying to get their three miles done in 20 minutes. They're trying to run three miles or 20 minutes, like, you know, the Marines have to do. Like, they're trying to kill it. And you s and you try to keep up with their pace, but you are running 13 miles. You're gonna gash yourself out. You're gonna gash yourself out, and you they make it to the finish line, and they're excited that they completed their 20, um, their three miles in 20 minutes, and you're disappointed because, excuse me, you were like, I'm going slower than them. They y'all both completed the race, but you you see them, you're like, Man, I'm going slower than them. And you don't realize that they're doing way, you know, shorter distance than what you was doing. They're doing a way shorter distance than what you were doing. They probably couldn't even imagine running 13 miles. So that within itself is a success that you reach that they probably will not achieve. But both of y'all get to cross the finish line and both of y'all are gonna get a medal. But if you get so caught up looking at somebody else's assessment being like, I want what they have and I want to do exactly what they do Excuse me. I wanna do exactly what they want to do, and I want to do it in a way that exactly within the way that they're doing it. That's when you come into the problem. That's when you fall into the issue. That's when it becomes like that person has more talent than me. That person has two brains, that person figured it out because it's something that they have that I'm missing. When the only thing that they have that you're missing is self-belief and the understanding that failure is going to come, that you have to keep your eyes on your own paper, that you have to literally run your own race. It does not matter. When I tell you it was kids, older people, all that out there, still excited. I did it, I did it, I finished. You come across the finish line, it don't matter what distance you run it. When you come across that finish line, you like, I'm done. I did it. And that's one thing that I think is so beautiful about the civilian world. You got slow runners, fast runners, this, that, and the third. But when they sign up for those races, it don't matter if they ran fast or slow, they're gonna hold that medal up with pride. You get caught up in a service where it's just like, of course, we're we're supposed to be a step above civilians. We're supposed to be, we're supposed to be soldiers. We are soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen, whatever like that. So we are supposed to be better. So we have like the people that we see, it's like, yeah, I did good. I might be in a 90 percentile for my age group and range, but I'm looking at this person, I'm getting compared to this person, like this person is on my mind. It doesn't, you know, friendly competition help to a certain extent, but sometimes it breaks you down. And the civilian world's like, you read they ran that race, and I could have did that, I could have walked that, that's not that fast, whatever. But they're able to complete it and get that medal. I hope I ain't lose y'all in that, but um you gotta run your own race. That's all I'm trying to say. You have to run your own race. You never know what's going on behind closed doors. You don't know if the person that you run it next to failed three races and this is the first race that they completed, and you see them hauling ass because they're trying to prove to themselves that they can even complete a race. And you on your third, you're on your third half marathon. Y'all are just not the same. Y'all not the same. So do not compare yourself to other people in a way in which it is negative, where you feel like that person is just better off. You the vision that you have in your head could be way different than what they have. You can have somebody that says, I want to own freaking 25 acres of land, and they want to live out there in a tent. And in your mind, you hear like, oh, I own 25 acres of land, and you go visit, and it's a it's a six-person tent. And it's like, why you don't have a house or why you don't have this or how that? I don't want that. I don't know. I just wanted the land. I I could afford the land and I wanted to put a tent on it, and I want to be having the open land. But when you think about you want to own 25 acres of land, you like, I want to do a family compound, or I want to do uh a freaking come away count for people or whatever like that. It's not the same thing. Your vision is not in their head. You can have somebody that has the same ideal as you, you can have somebody that has the same ideal as you, but even the execution is gonna be different because y'all don't, they're no smarter than you. And they just think about it differently. That's what it boils down to. Nobody is no more smarter than you. Nobody is has no more capability of as of far having two heads, two brains, this, that, and the third. Everybody's just running their own race. Everybody's just doing things a little bit different. Like, you have to a lot of times I think we we admire success and we don't admire the the failures of somebody actually doing something. I started out this, I started out this year with saying try doing because a lot of people try and they say they're trying. But give doing a try. Like actually do something and realize that when and in doing something that you may fail, you may fail, but in you failing, you are still successful. In you failing, you're still successful because most people do not do it. Don't put the word try that because try gets so lost in like, man, I tried to get up this morning and I didn't. Think about like I wanted to get up this morning and go running, but I got I did get up this morning. I just didn't run. But I got my body up at the specific time that I wanted to do. That's the best way that I can break it down for you. Because a lot of people get caught up. Try doing. If you haven't checked out that episode, check out that episode. It's called try doing. And like I said, it just goes with this point because a lot of people do not want to fail publicly. A lot of people don't want to make a mistake, you know. You people feel nervous, they don't want to feel nervous. As humans, I don't know why we just want to have it together. And the absolute in the completion is death. I don't know. I don't know why that be getting lost on people. Like the absolute and the completion and the in the no more growing, no more getting bigger, you ain't gotta worry about your weight, your hair, the look, the money and your bank account, nothing. That is death. When you when it comes to a uh a complete standstill and there's nothing more to grow there, and there's nothing more to get better, that is death. And it can be literally in it can be uh literally and then just a figure of speech, because even to companies that do not have the ability to grow and expand anymore, it could be death for them to a to a relationship or or situation or whatever. If you do not have the ability to grow inside of that relationship or with that person, it is death. It is nothing, it is nothing else more to do. So why are we rushing so much to be complete? That's when you start getting caught up and feeling like somebody is smarter than you. But the smarter people, the people that I have learned to admire, is the people that make mistakes, it's the people that fail, and it's the grace that they they go with making a mistake or failing. I always chuckle at myself because I saw I talk about the incidents that I had at this new place, right? And it was like, you know, all this cliche advice, and people really do mean well, right? But you can see them get put in a situation where they're uncomfortable or their feathers are ruffled, and their demeanor changes. They're like a totally different person. And I always tell, well, I talk to my spouse about this all the time because it's one of the hard things for me. I don't care about who you are when you're when it's going good, when the when it's flowing smooth, this, that, and a third. I care about when it starts getting hard, when some when you're having a bad day, are you still gonna treat people with respect? When a situation frustrates you, are you still gonna be respectful to the people that you work with? A lot of times, especially when you're dealing with customers, if something's happening and and a boss, manager, supervisor gets frustrated, they're gonna be utmost respectful to that customer because they feel like that customer is more important. Our money comes in this way, this, that, and third. And then they may be rude to an employee. Hey, get over here and help. You know, they've been waiting this, you know, they've been waiting, and you may not have anything to do with why they've been waiting and what's going on, but they're gonna give you that rude tone. I believe that's how you should judge somebody. How cool they stay in the midst of fire is how I look at people. And not and even outwardly, I used to be that person. Everyone I say, like the person that I am now, a few years ago, I'll be like, who is this person? Because I had to learn, like yelling, fussing, getting crazy is not gonna do anything. I do feel like it's a time and a place to stand your ground and take care of your business and do all of that. But once again, it's a time and a place. And staying calm, nine times out of ten, is gonna prevail. It's gonna work almost every time. It's like, hey, I'm gonna clearly tell you how I feel. I I heard this the other day, I heard this the other day. Um, and I want to say it was my spouse's uncle. And he was like, people can't be confused, people can't be confused if you tell them. People can't be a I want to say he said, like, people can't be confused if you tell them, or people can't have a misunderstanding if you already explained to them. Like, I don't like this, I don't like this, I don't like that. I'm explained it to you. So if you do it, if you do it, it shouldn't be no misunderstanding of what comes next if I already explained to you what I do and don't like. And I thought I said, hey, I'ma add that. I'm gonna put that I'ma say that on the show. Because like I say, it go it goes hand in hand with the message that I'm trying to get across today. Like you get so caught up in the way that successful people act, quote unquote. But you do not, and and you make fun of the people who fail. You make fun of the people that make a mistake, you you uh treat the employees harshly if something happened, or you say a bunch of cliche advice that you can't take yourself. That is not you as a person. That is just something that's done been filled up. Like I said earlier, maybe you do have two brains and you got all these cliche thoughts and and and things in your head, but you have not just digested it one bit. You feel like you're cool, calm, and collective. And soon as something goes down, oh man, I apologize. I you know it wasn't towards you, these people made me mad. So you as a person, not and I'm not saying it in effect of like I said earlier, I used to be that person. You have to teach yourself to stay calm. You have to teach yourself to be respectful. And if you're not gonna give it to the person that gave it to you, don't give it to anybody else. Don't give it to anybody else. Just like I used to admire people that kept a cool head and they was pissed off, I'd be like, man, I would have been mad. They're like, I am mad, but I can't let them see me, I can't let them see me break. I can't, I can't break. I might be in, but I can't break. I can't let them see me, then I won't be no different from them, or it's gonna be worse. I can't act the same way that they did. A lot of race, a lot of people know that. I can't act the same way that they did, because if I act the way that they did, it's gonna be an issue. Please remember, nobody, nobody is more smarter than you. Stop looking at it as I want what that person has, I want the success that that person has. I want to be successful like that person is. Just like people say, you want to take some, you want to take somebody's pleasures, you gotta take what came with it, or you don't know what that person did or had to endure to be that successful. So you have to understand that nine times out of ten is consistency, is repetition, is learning, and it's persistence. Consistency, repetition, repetition, learning, and persistency. Nine times out of ten, that's what you need to be successful. Because like I said earlier, most people go give up on on number five. You can do the same. One, two, three as somebody else. One, two, three, four, five. And on number five, if if you feel self-doubt, if you feel challenged, it's somebody not picking up what you putting down, you like, man, it's stupid. I don't want to do this no more. A lot of times people just give up. Because people taught that if it don't work the first time, it's bad. If it don't work the first time you did it, let's see where it went wrong at. And sometimes it's demographic. Sometimes it's demographic. Sometimes it's I I want to be an American basketball star. Go overseas. Like you see in the NBA in America's a lot of people come from overseas and they play for us. Go play for them. You might be able to play more, you might be able to better your skills and play more minutes in the game because you're over there. You might not be the best actor in America. Go somewhere else. Like other people show us. This person's from here, this person for there, and they put on an American accent. Go over there and see what accent that you can be good at. See where you can be good at. But don't look at it like, oh, that person, that that person's just better than me. That person has two heads, that person has two brains. Don't make those excuses for yourself. It's a creative excuse. Oh, that person's just better. That's that person, that person had to come from this, that, and the third. No, that person was just to. Persistent, they had repetition, they learned and they was persistent about what they had going on. What if you gave yourself a chance to be like that person that you're looking up to, that you're admiring, that you're inspired by? What if you gave your chance yourself a chance to be in your own light and glory to do that? Like I say, not be that person, but be like that, oh, that person is an actress. I want to be an actress. What if you gave yourself a chance and put yourself on the pedestal of where you have somebody else at? What goal would you achieve that you have been avoiding? What what dream that you have convinced yourself that is not you? It's only for other people. If you got a dream to own property, and like I said, you got 25 acres and you can just put a tent on there, but you can afford the land or whatever, don't let nobody tell you, oh, you shouldn't buy the 25 acres until until you're able to put a house on it. And they don't have one acre, they don't have a half an acre.

SPEAKER_01 45:15

Never mind.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

Y'all get the point. I go off the deep end. I get so upset because it's so much negativity that goes down in the world. And don't get me wrong, like I said all the time, I'm a person that was, I felt like I was breaded on negativity because the way I carried myself and the way I acted, this, that, and there. Like people just felt like they had to knock me down a peg. And it's just like I learned, like, once you piss people off, they gonna you're gonna be able to grow more than anything because they're gonna tell you the bad parts about yourself or how the world sees you or how the world perceives you. You like, okay, that's the third time I heard that. I need to, I need to try to straighten this up, or okay, I can see that within myself too. I need to try to fix this. I need to try to go and clean this up. But sometimes people just be so negative and be so bitter, and it's just like, you still ain't gonna be successful. You're gonna be bitter. Oh, it's like they said, like being bitter, being bitter and being hateful and holding resentment is like taking poison and you expecting the other person to die. You gonna kill yourself. You you gonna you gonna be complete and absolute, and I'm not even gonna know you hate me that much. Like you should never, you should never let yourself be consumed or that pissed off about what somebody else has going on. Like what happened, what what what'd happen if you stop feeling like these people are just special and you tell yourself like I'm special? It's so funny because all of the cliches, like, you don't hear overthinking no more. You don't hear like uh, you know, do your affirmations, this, that, and the third, because people took them and tried to make them such quick fixes. It was like, oh man, people been doing this, people been doing this, we should do it. Oh, this crap ain't working, but you don't understand. People been, you have to train your brain. People been having these positive affirmations and this optimistic um outlook on life for years, and you're and you're just not starting, you're like, man, that stuff don't work. I don't get it. Overthinking is not a thing, no more. I'm tired of hearing it. Nah, we still overthink understanding. It's done, it's just done been there. You think so much, you overthinking is literally you think so much, it becomes unhealthy. You stuck. Overthinking, understanding. Nine times out of ten, like I say all the time on here, we already know the answer. We already know the answer. It's just doing it, it's just exercising it that you get caught up on. That's when you start being creative with the excuses, like that person is just special. I ain't no special than nobody else. Everybody got a sad story, you know, people got happy moments, this, that, and the third. Ain't no special than nobody else. I do feel like I have a superpower when I be like, oh, yeah, yeah, always some adversity. Oh yeah, we're coming through it. Let's get it. Oh, they think this is gonna stop us. Oh man, I am super uncomfortable in this situation. Oh man, I want to react like my old self in this situation. Oh man, that really pissed me off to the point where I'm thinking about this person too much. Let me let me calm down and get back focused. Let me put that energy into myself. Let me put that energy back into myself. I do feel like a superpower thing, because you watch I I watch around and I see people just drowning. And I'm like, pick your head up. You're not underwater, you got your head underwater. Pick your head up. That illustration that floated around social media where sometimes we create our own problems, and somebody just sitting down and and they just got their head submerged in water. It's like, no, help me, I'm drowning. Pick your head up. Pick your head up. Two things can be true. Yes, you're drowning, but you're also causing, you're also causing this drowning that's taking place. Pick your head up. I believe this with everything in me. Sometimes our biggest obstacles is the inability to believe in ourselves with our own story. Our story is not inspirational until we tell somebody else. Our story is not inspirational until we look at somebody who came from the same background that we came from, and they like, how did you do it? And I'm like, Oh, well, I ain't special. I just like I made my mind up at this age, and I'm and I said this at this age, and I did this at this age. How did you do that? That's when that's when we learn that our story is special. It shouldn't have to have to take someone that's telling you that your story is special for you to know that your story is special, that you are special, that you belong. Even now, it is gut-wrenching to think about the message of me trying to uh preach, be genuine to yourself and and kind to others, and how many people don't get to hear it. People like the women in Afghanistan are affected where they don't even get to do nothing without a male counterpart. And like just understanding we living in two different realities. Being grateful that I'm over here able to breathe and and live an alternative lifestyle that makes most people want to kill me, but they are not. And people still want to kill them for just being a woman, that's never lost on me. And their story is powerful. And as many people that I can reach and they can click on the podcast and say this is trash, and and to another person that could click on it and be like, You inspire me, that's crazy. We used to go to school together. I listen to you at work. It's still not lost to me about how many people that don't get to have that message. The world the world sucks. Sometimes I wish I had two heads, two people, three, four people, and then plant the thing and plant myself in all these different places and countries and with the same message. Some gon some gonna make it out, some gonna die. But I go back, let me run it back in, rain it back in. But yes, like I feel like that's our biggest obstacle. Like just I like I said, our inability to understand that our story is special. Like, I we you are only as strong and you're only gonna as come uh accomplish and be as smart as what you tell yourself and the ability that you tell yourself. I don't w I don't remember what episode I spoke about this song, but a lot of times you'll see people saying, like, this coach made it where I was here, and if it wasn't there, I wouldn't have done it, but not understanding that that coach seen something in you. And because you are special and you are able enough, like not understanding, as much as I talk, and as much as people say, like, I grew up here and like you don't listen, you don't listen, my adult years, and maybe it was a change that my younger self had to do. I mean, my older self did, so I don't, you know, don't hear it anymore, but I hear all the time, like you listen. Most people do not do as they told. You listen, you listened, you did this, you listened, you listened, you listened. And I and I'm like, man, as a child, it was the opposite. Like you don't listen, you're not. And then and on some of it, you you have to understand that you wasn't not listening, you wasn't understanding. And the people who are explaining it to you barely have a grasp on what they're trying to teach you. So you feel like they're smarter than you have two brains, have two heads, and they're not. But you don't understand that because you got them on the pedestal and you're like, This is my mom, my dad, my grandmother, my teacher, whatever. And they they just trying to figure it out too. But to you looking down up at you know, as an adolescent, you're like, dang, they're smarter than me. I need to listen, I need to do this, I need to do that. Ain't nobody no more smarter than you. And to and this is from a person who gets told all the time, like, they have the confidence at this world, this, then, and third. I don't have a confidence. I have ability, I have I have this ability to believe in the abilities that I know that I can do. A lot of times I get uncomfortable because people will see me moving a certain way, or they'll hear somebody say something. I'll be like, I never even said that about myself. Be like, man, that's nasty. You can't cook like that. I ain't never said I could cook good. I'm decent, I'm alright. I have made stuff that people like, and then you hear other people that's just like, man, I had something for her and it was amazing. But if you see me nervous about doing something, that means I don't believe in my ability. But I probably was put in that space or on that pedestal by somebody else. And just going back, bringing it back grounded just to say you have to believe in your ability. Trust your ability. On the outside looking in, people can put you on the pedestal because let's not just keep it negative. Sometimes people put us on a pedestal and they just think we this great person, and they think we can do all things, and then we show them we cannot do all things, and then they get to looking like everything I thought about this person was a lie. And it's like, no, you just made me unhuman for a moment. And I'm bad at things. You have you know friends that in secret competition with you to think that you're just great at everything and people love you, and you don't even you're not even like interpreting what other people have going on because your confidence comes from the inside. You don't you block out the good and bad. So you don't even realize how much quote unquote praises or whatever that you're getting. But you got a friend that picks up on it, and they just like anything that they could do better than you, it makes them feel good because they have you on this test. Confidence is not built. I apologize. Confidence is built, it's not found. Confidence is not confidence is built, it's not found. I don't know why I'm tripping myself up in my head, but confidence is built. It's like I said the for you page, people be like, brick by brick, I built it. Confidence is built. Like once you get to do it, once, like I say, seeing this, believing, all the cliche things, you you be like, this isn't this is possible. The way that I'm thinking, other people do think like this. The way that I'm moving, other people do move like this. This and the third. Confidence is built, it's not bound. A lot of times we get we get thrown off of the path of looking for success or finding success or being successful because we're looking for the confidence to do it. But confidence is built. I'm talking brick by brick. I'm talking the 30-year-old that stands before you, the one-year-old that was told, you got it, baby, you can walk, you got it, baby, you could talk, you got it, baby, you can go to the party, you got it, baby, you're special. This, that, and the third. Brick by brick, it was built. The yo, you your podcast uh, you ain't gonna be this, you ain't gonna be that, you're gonna be chunky when you get older, you'll be fat when you go, you're gonna be broke when you get older, you're gonna be in jail when you get older. Brick by brick, I be looking at people like, bruh, like, dang. I ain't never thought that I was gonna be here because I thought so much of what other people thought. Now I'm like, man, oh yeah. This is about to be lovely. Uh whatever good, bad comes, this is this is about to be lovely. This is about to be lovely. Okay, I have oh, oh, oh, I know I could be, I know I could be anything I set my mind to. I know I could be anything I set my mind to. It might not be everything, but I can be anything I set my mind to, and I can do anything that I that I set my mind to that I'm gonna do. Build up your confidence. People are confident. Sometimes people are confident, but they don't realize how confident they are until they feel it. You you wanna feel it. It might not be there. If you know that you can go outside and you can run 10 minutes without stopping, run 10 minutes without stopping, and at the end of that 10 minutes, see how far that you get. Because you might not be confident enough to think that you can run a mile, but you know you can run 10 minutes without stopping. You may you might have run a mile in six minutes. You don't know. Confidence is built. Confidence usually comes with some type of action. You don't just become confident and then you start doing things. You are confident, so you start. I say it all the time. I'm so confident in my ability to figure it out, bring it on. Challenges, heartbreaks, heartaches, this, that, and the third. Let's get it. Like I say, I'm a person who feels like I learned from other people's mistakes and my mistakes. So I'm like, oh yeah, this ain't nothing, this ain't nothing new. I don't understand, like, truly. As a person who believes and understand, like, it is nothing new under the sun. It's so hard for me to get caught into the woe is me, and this is only happening to me. Even if it's only, if it's sunny around everybody else that I can see within a hundred mile freaking radius, it's only raining on me. I still know that I might not see where it's raining on somebody else at, but I know for sure it is raining on somebody else. Somebody else is got it just as bad or you know, the same as me.

SPEAKER_01 58:26

You want to start building your confidence, start your business.

SPEAKER_00 58:31

Start your I didn't say start your business. Everybody wanna run out and get an LLC. Start your side hustle. Like I said, people have made side hustles so dirty, and you're not realizing a lot of successful business was a side hustle. A lot of things that people do now is a side hustle. There's no LLC or anything attached to it. Start a podcast, go back to school, go to trade, start changing the way that you think, start learning new ways to love yourself. Start writing, lose weight if you want to lose weight. Learn a trade, learn a new skill, do whatever you do to start building your confidence. Inaction sometimes is the worst thing for building confidence because confidence usually comes from actions. The next time you see someone and you like they accomplishing something that I can do, or you thinking to yourself, it could never be me. Don't forget to ask yourself this question. Do they have two heads? Because chances are they don't. And that person just decided to keep moving, even though it was fear, uncertainty, and doubt. And that's where the growth, that's what a breakthrough, and that's where the new side of you come through. So even if you do tell yourself that they have two heads, remember that you have two heads too. I'ma send y'all off with a question like I've been doing lately. What is one thing that you've been trying to do that you haven't? Say it again. What is one thing that you have been trying to do but you haven't? And you have told yourself I can't do it, that's just not my story.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:20

I got one question for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:23

Are you gonna stop that thinking and believe in yourself today? So once again, what's one thing that you have been trying to do and you tell yourself I can't do it? And you telling yourself that that is just not my story.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:36

Are you gonna stop that way of thinking and do it today?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:43

As always, I love kicking in with y'all. I love talking to y'all. Um, yeah, I ain't gonna keep y'all no longer than I have to. So as always, thank y'all for tuning in to Overthinking Understanding Podcast. All as always, be genuine to yourself and kind to others. I will see y'all next time.