#410 - Why There Isn’t Enough Time In The Day

In today’s episode of The Business of Happiness, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy speaks to high-achieving, deeply passionate healthcare professionals, especially high-achieving women in dentistry and medicine, about the hidden cost of constant busyness. She shares why slowing down can feel so hard, how stress and overworking can shape your identity, and why real happiness, clarity, and work-life balance begin when you stop living in nonstop motion.

This episode is for women doctors and dentists who feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or unsure of what comes next. If you want less burnout, more peace, and a healthier way to lead and live, this conversation will meet you right where you are.

Show notes:
(2:35) Why busy never feels enough
(4:38) Busyness is learned, not you
(8:03) Success can still feel empty
(10:22) Slowing down brings real joy
(15:27) What happened when she stopped
(17:49) Proof life will not collapse
(24:29) New thoughts that make rest safe
(27:30) Outro

_______________________

IMPORTANT LINKS:

Empower Her Retreat:
Dates: October 1–4, 2026
Location: Taos, New Mexico
Website: empowerherretreat.org

Connect with Dr. MacCarthy:
Email: tarryn@drtarrynmaccarthy.com

Book a call with Tarryn:
https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/bookings/happiness-and-prosperity-strategy-call

Unlock your inner peace and reclaim joy in your profession with the Nervous System Regulation For Dentists Course: https://www.thebizofhappiness.com/calm

Please join my Facebook group, Business Of Happiness Hive, so we can all take this journey to find fulfillment and happiness together. Click here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2047152905700283

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IG: @thebizofhappiness

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Transcript

Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy

(0:01) Welcome to the Business of Happiness podcast. (0:05) It's your host, Dr. Taryn McCarthy. (0:08) And this is the podcast where we put happiness first.(0:14) I help high achieving, deeply passionate healthcare professionals like you rediscover their happiness and their freedom. (0:23) Join me in conversations with experts to uncover our unique definition of happiness and answer the question, is there really such a thing as work-life balance? (0:35) If you've heard yourself saying, you know, I'll be happy when?(0:41) Well, my friend, the time is now. (0:44) Time to step out of the busyness of your life and time to step into the business of happiness. (0:54) Hello, hello.(0:55) Welcome back to the Business of Happiness podcast. (0:58) Hello, friends. (1:00) I'm Dr. Taryn McCarthy and welcome to this episode. (1:04) And this is the second episode in the series that we are focusing on for women, doctors and dentists, physicians and dentists who have been living their lives feeling disconnected, feeling overwhelmed, feeling exhausted, feeling unsure or unclear about their next steps or just overall disillusioned by the career choice they've made or by the lives that they're living right now. (1:35) You know, I always say this at the beginning of so many of my talks, I say to my dentists, women dentists, I say, thank you for literally putting smiles on children's faces on a daily basis. (1:47) I mean, the work that you do is just incredible.(1:52) It is amazing. (1:53) We get so jaded by it. (1:55) Isn't it so interesting that we get so numb to the impact that we have on people's lives as dentists, as physicians, as leaders, literally every day impacting people's lives in deep, meaningful ways.(2:13) I mean, when you were little and you were thinking about what you wanted to be when you grew up, the promise of having that kind of a career, of serving people, healing, helping, offering people an opportunity to feel better in their bodies. (2:32) I mean, it's just an amazing gift that you have that you get to serve the world with. (2:38) And it doesn't always feel that fancy, does it?(2:41) It doesn't always feel that good. (2:42) And today what I really want to talk about is the challenge we have with feeling good, with slowing down enough to feel good, the programming of busy-ness. (2:57) And this is a programming and I want you to see it that way because there is nothing wrong with you.(3:04) I think when we start really looking at ourselves in personal development work, when we try to heal those wounds, the emotional and mental strain, there can be a lot of self-judgment and shaming. (3:18) What is wrong with me? (3:20) Why do I have to be busy all the time?(3:23) Maybe you're noticing that sometimes your days off are even more full than your work days. (3:29) Am I right? (3:30) Like Saturdays, or many of you take Fridays off, your day off, you have put so much on your to-do list that you're exhausted before you even begin.(3:41) And maybe that's the night you don't even make dinner because you have booked yourself so solidly that day. (3:49) And our vacations end up being that way. (3:51) I speak to so many women physicians and dentists who say, Oh my gosh, I just planned so much in our vacation.(3:59) We needed a vacation from our vacation. (4:01) So what is that? (4:03) What is that piece of busyness?(4:05) The moment you scale back, you cut down your hours, you maybe decide I'm only going to work three days a week. (4:13) You fill those other two days so full that you're exhausted. (4:18) What is that?(4:19) What is it that when you sit down to spend some time with your kids, you can't sit for more than a few minutes before your skin starts crawling? (4:29) Or if someone says take a bubble bath and you think, Oh my gosh, I would go crazy just lying in a bathtub doing nothing. (4:37) What is that?(4:38) Once again, I'm going to remind you, you are not broken. (4:42) There is nothing wrong with you and you are not alone. (4:46) This is a programming.(4:48) This is a programming that has been installed in your software update years and years and years ago. (4:57) I know I'm using ridiculous analogies. (4:59) This is a programming that you have taken on and you have bought into year after year after year.(5:07) And there is nothing wrong with you, but it is a programming. (5:10) And what's really toxic about the programming of busyness, especially in Western society, you know, it's so funny. (5:17) I was just in Spain a couple of weeks ago and at two o'clock everything shuts down for siesta.(5:25) It's not just a myth or a legend about Spain. (5:28) It's truth. (5:29) I went there.(5:30) I couldn't believe it. (5:31) I mean, there is nowhere to go eat. (5:32) There's nowhere to go shopping.(5:34) There are no dentists or doctor's offices open from two to five. (5:39) They literally go home and take a nap in the middle of the day. (5:44) And no one has a problem with it.(5:45) No one has a problem with this. (5:46) I remember my mom lived in Germany for six years as a physical therapist. (5:51) And she was practicing physical therapy there.(5:53) And at two o'clock they shut the doors. (5:56) She would put her pajamas on and get in bed. (5:59) This busyness programming is really reinforced in Western society.(6:08) And yes, even if you would not love to take a siesta in the middle of the day, I'm not sure how much I would enjoy that myself, just the idea of slowing down feels so enormously uncomfortable. (6:20) And it's constantly reinforced by our society. (6:25) But where did it really come from?(6:28) It came from probably many parts of your upbringing, even the way that we are so intense in schooling. (6:36) And if you are a doctor or a dentist, you most certainly was someone who got straight A's, worked really hard, burned the midnight oil. (6:46) Nowadays, just to get into medical or dental school, the amount of extra work these students need to do just to get into school is unbelievable.(6:57) They're going constantly, playing multiple sports, doing multiple service projects beyond their sports day, working, creating incredible projects on top of their extremely high workload of all high-level honors classes and AP classes. (7:14) They are doing so much. (7:16) No wonder that programming was instilled in you at a very young age.(7:23) And it becomes a habit. (7:25) And what's really interesting is it actually serves you in many ways. (7:31) That busyness, that squeezing things in, that optimization of your day.(7:36) By the way, aren't these all buzzwords right now? (7:39) Productivity, optimization, efficiency. (7:43) How much can I fit into one day?(7:45) And we hear ourselves say that all the time. (7:48) There aren't enough hours in the day, which is a ridiculous thought, isn't it? (7:53) What it really is is not the problem with the hours.(7:56) It is this programming of busyness. (7:59) And being busy has served you. (8:01) It did.(8:03) Being so strategic and cramming so much in and being capable of doing so much in one day, in one week, in one year really served you. (8:14) It gained you a doctor in front of your name. (8:17) It gave you material wealth.(8:19) It gained you, maybe you own a practice. (8:22) It got you a lot. (8:24) But you get to a point where that feeling feels really empty and lacking.(8:32) When the outside wealth and accomplishments feel unsatisfying. (8:37) And it doesn't happen right away. (8:39) It happens after you've chased the next milestone several times.(8:45) Kicking that can down the road. (8:48) Thinking the next thing that I push hard for, that I busy my life for will finally be it. (8:55) And social media and marketing and our society is always there to answer that for you.(9:01) Like, okay, what you should be doing is working out and competing in CrossFit. (9:07) Or you should be running half marathons and then you'll feel fulfilled. (9:11) Or on top of your already full workload, now you need to also be a 100% available mom.(9:20) Go to every single event that your child is in, every performance, and then you'll feel fulfilled. (9:28) Because just paying attention to work is not enough. (9:31) We tell ourselves, I keep adding things on.(9:35) And you know what's really interesting? (9:37) You can fill your life with all things you love. (9:41) I love serving patients.(9:43) I love working out. (9:45) I love my family. (9:47) I love my friends.(9:49) I love going on vacation. (9:51) You can do all things you love and really cut out all the things you don't like to do. (9:56) Really be very good about delegating the parts of work that you don't love to do.(10:00) Be very good about asking people for help. (10:03) You can be very accomplished at all those other components and still feel empty. (10:10) Why?(10:11) Because you are running on a treadmill. (10:14) Because you are going and never stopping. (10:17) Because sitting still feels wildly uncomfortable.(10:22) And here's the truth. (10:24) The slowing down is where the magic happens. (10:27) That's it.(10:27) That's absolutely it. (10:29) The place where we find appreciation, satisfaction, fulfillment only comes when you slow down. (10:40) Isn't that interesting?(10:41) I want you to think for a moment of every moment in your life. (10:45) Or maybe think of two or three where you found that deep sense of satisfaction. (10:49) That deep enjoyment.(10:51) That deep joy and happiness. (10:54) And just like you were happy to be alive. (10:57) Maybe loved yourself.(10:59) Maybe was proud of yourself. (11:01) When did those moments happen? (11:03) In the moment of quiet and stillness.(11:06) That's it. (11:06) The moment of deep reflection and being able to appreciate. (11:11) Appreciation cannot happen in a schedule that is minutes apart.(11:17) Appreciation cannot happen on demand. (11:22) Appreciation cannot happen in busyness. (11:26) Why?(11:26) It's biologic. (11:28) There's nothing wrong with you. (11:30) When we busy ourselves, we are in a place of fight or flight.(11:35) It is that simple. (11:36) And when your body is in fight or flight, chronically and at very, very high levels of cortisol and adrenaline. (11:46) Over and over and over and over again.(11:48) All through the week. (11:49) All through the month. (11:50) All through the year.(11:51) All through the decade. (11:52) When we never take a moment to slow down, we lose the capacity to access executive function. (12:01) I talk about this all the time.(12:03) And a big component of our executive function is being able to have the clarity and the appreciation of where we are in this moment in our lives. (12:15) That's it. (12:16) That's it.(12:17) And time speeds up when you are in fight or flight. (12:21) Of course it does. (12:22) Time speeds up when you are busy.(12:25) No wonder you feel like you can't fit enough in in the day. (12:28) Time speeds up. (12:29) Your perception of time speeds up.(12:32) But here's the thing. (12:34) It is a programming. (12:36) There is actually no need to be so busy.(12:40) There isn't. (12:40) There is no need to be so busy. (12:43) And we have all these stories that we carry in our heads from that programming.(12:47) Everything's going to fall apart if I don't show up at 110%. (12:51) I'm going to let people down. (12:53) That's a big one.(12:55) People are relying on me. (12:58) There are people I am responsible for. (13:00) And I have to show up at this capacity, at this pace, at this fullness in my life.(13:07) Otherwise people will feel let down. (13:10) And here's the important part. (13:12) I will lose their love and appreciation.(13:15) The other story we tell ourselves is, Who am I if I'm not busy, if I'm not doing all these things? (13:22) Who am I? (13:23) This is my identity.(13:24) And the fear of who am I on the other side of busyness actually prevents us from even trying. (13:31) You know, I've told this story before on the podcast as well. (13:34) Is that the first time I decided, All right, I am going to not be busy for an hour and a half of my life.(13:42) That's it. (13:43) I thought, I'm going to try this experiment. (13:45) I was so busy running from one thing to the next with work, with my kids, with my business, with my hobbies, with my working out.(13:55) I had my day so planned and scheduled down to, as you all know, the second. (14:01) Right? (14:01) With our patient schedule.(14:03) I mean, literally by the second. (14:06) And I realized the toxicity that was causing me. (14:08) And I had this realization, Oh my gosh, I need to slow down for my body, for my health, for me being able to be present with my children.(14:17) Because when you're in that place, you're running so fast that you can't even slow your mind down at dinnertime. (14:24) You can't even slow your mind down at bedtime. (14:27) And I noticed this and I thought, okay, Taryn, that's it.(14:30) An hour and a half. (14:32) You are going to walk out of work early. (14:34) You're going to stop seeing patients at four.(14:36) I think it was at 420. (14:38) It was going to be my last patient. (14:40) 430.(14:40) You shut it down and you walk out the door. (14:43) And I didn't at that time have to be home until six when my nanny, her workday ended. (14:49) So I knew I had 430 to 6 p.m. And I had made some rules for myself. (14:53) I said no busying yourself. (14:54) So no running to the grocery store. (14:56) No swinging by the pharmacy.(14:58) No working out unless it feels good to work out. (15:01) But no working out for a goal or because today's leg day or because I have to get a certain number of miles in. (15:07) I can work out, but it has to be enjoyable.(15:10) No making phone calls or checking emails or checking social media. (15:15) Okay. (15:15) Those are my rules.(15:16) I remember I left the office and I went to my car, my orange Jeep, and I got in the car, in the parking lot, so proud of myself. (15:23) Literally like a huge smile on my face that I actually got out of the door at 430. (15:27) Couldn't believe it.(15:28) Sat down, closed the door, turned on the engine, and burst into tears because I didn't know what to do. (15:38) And right there was the telltale sign is that I didn't know how to live without doing. (15:45) I didn't know how to just be.(15:47) And I want to hold this moment of compassion and understanding if you're listening to this and you have been shaming yourself for not being able to just be. (15:57) To just sit and enjoy a morning coffee. (16:02) To be able to sit and listen to a conversation from your teenager about video games that you know nothing about and just appreciate and enjoy his enthusiasm for something that you don't know anything about.(16:17) To feel okay with taking time for yourself, not accomplishing anything or doing anything for anyone else. (16:27) I just want to hold compassion for you if that is uncomfortable. (16:31) And let you give yourself some grace.(16:35) Because it is a programming that isn't yours. (16:40) There is nothing wrong with you. (16:41) You are not broken.(16:43) You are not wounded beyond repair. (16:47) Damaged as a child and now you can't slow down. (16:50) Doomed to live your life in a place of chronic fight or flight.(16:55) It is a programming. (16:57) It is not your fault. (16:58) And the really beautiful hopeful part around this awareness is you now get to choose.(17:05) Because maybe your choice of buying into this programming decades ago, you were not aware of the choice you were making. (17:14) But it is a choice you made to believe all those stories. (17:19) If I slow down, everything will fall apart.(17:21) If I stop doing for everybody else, they'll stop giving me love. (17:25) They'll stop wanting to be around me. (17:27) They'll stop loving me.(17:29) I won't be who I am if I stopped doing things. (17:32) Because all these stories are programs that we have willingly taken on and accepted as truth. (17:40) But just as powerful as you were to accept that programming, you now have the power to choose differently.(17:49) And there is so much evidence in your life to show you the contrary. (17:54) You know, we shut down during COVID for three months. (17:59) Some of us six months.(18:01) Our practices shut down. (18:05) And we survived. (18:07) We stopped.(18:08) Our kids stopped going to school. (18:10) And they survived. (18:12) The world shut down.(18:14) We took walks. (18:16) We baked bread. (18:18) It happened in our lifetime, friends.(18:20) It wasn't so long ago. (18:22) Remember, in your lifetime, literally everything stopped. (18:27) The busyness stopped.(18:29) And we survived. (18:31) This, what you're telling yourself is a house of cards, did not fall down. (18:36) And I invite you now to just start remembering all the times in your life where maybe you were forced to slow down.(18:44) Maybe there was a medical diagnosis. (18:46) Maybe there was a loss of a loved one in your life. (18:48) And you had to step away and look back, reflect for a moment, and realize everything did not go to hell.(18:56) In fact, nobody even remembers. (18:59) Your patients don't remember. (19:01) Nobody even reminds you of that time.(19:04) And reflect back how maybe there's a part of you that wished you took one more day. (19:10) I was talking to my sister-in-law the other day, and I was remembering, she was saying how busy her life is with her kids right now. (19:17) They're in middle school, and they are on the sports teams that have events every single weekend.(19:23) Notice the programming starting really, really young. (19:26) Notice. (19:27) So, they've been so busy all year.(19:31) We were looking for a weekend to get together this summer. (19:33) Not one weekend available. (19:35) It's only April.(19:36) And there is not one weekend that we can find, not because of our schedules, because of our kids. (19:43) Notice where the programming begins. (19:45) And, you know, I was talking to her, and I said, she said, you know, my kids have been asking me for a weekend or a vacation where we fly, an airplane vacation.(19:54) They've been saying to her, can we just go on an airplane vacation where we go somewhere? (19:58) And she said, yeah, that'd be great to do that. (20:00) But you guys are in so many sports.(20:02) We can't go anywhere. (20:04) You guys have committed to so many things. (20:07) And I said to her, you know, I remember 2017, my dad turned 70, and maybe it was 2019.(20:14) My dad turned 70. (20:16) And for his birthday, as many of you know, I'm from South Africa originally. (20:20) We went back to South Africa.(20:21) We went to Botswana. (20:22) We went on safari. (20:23) It was this kind of beautiful celebration of his life.(20:26) We met up with all his brothers and family. (20:30) And I pulled my kids out of school for two weeks. (20:33) They were all in middle school, beginning of high school, those weeks when ordinarily I would really resist taking them out of school.(20:42) I do not remember the weeks they were in school. (20:47) They do not remember the weeks they were in school to the same level as that incredible vacation. (20:54) And it wasn't just because we were seeing animals in the wild, which is such an amazing, beautiful opportunity to go on safari.(21:02) Yes, there's so much privilege there. (21:04) Yes, I agree. (21:05) But it was because we slowed down.(21:09) That's it. (21:09) Because we slowed down together. (21:13) The meat, the juice, the gift of life is found when we slow down.(21:19) And it doesn't necessitate going on vacation every week. (21:23) That's why we crave the vacations. (21:26) Because we need, our bodies need the slowing down.(21:30) And this is where I invite you to recognize the programming of busyness. (21:34) There are countries in other parts of the world that take all of August off. (21:39) The entire month off.(21:41) They close their doors. (21:43) Dentists' offices close their doors for the entire month of August. (21:47) Then they close their businesses for the entire month of December.(21:51) The busyness is a programming. (21:54) And I invite you to see it as such. (21:57) And notice the evidence of it in your own life.(22:00) And notice the evidence of when you actually stepped away from busyness, that things did not fall apart. (22:08) And notice the narrative and the thought and the stories that are keeping you connected to, enslaved by this programming. (22:17) And this is where I invite you to recognize the power you have of choice.(22:22) As human beings, we have free will. (22:27) Even if you have taken out a million dollar loan for student loans. (22:33) Even if you just purchased a practice for 1.2 million dollars. (22:38) You still have free will and choice every day to slow down. (22:43) And this is where I invite you to start choosing new. (22:48) Creating a practice of slowing down.(22:51) Because the practice of busying yourself is a practice that you have just been entrained in for a very long time and you've become very good at it. (23:00) And can I promise you it will be uncomfortable when you start slowing down? (23:04) Yes, it will.(23:05) I know from personal experience. (23:08) And I also know from personal experience that I still am hooked by that parasite, if you will, of busyness. (23:17) Every now and then, it grabs me again.(23:19) Because I care so deeply about the work that I do. (23:22) Because I care so passionately about supporting you as women doctors and dentists, so I get very busy traveling and speaking and holding space for my clients and creating programs and recording podcasts. (23:37) And I still need to pay attention and hold the awareness and still practice slowing down.(23:46) I just did it as recently as this week. (23:48) Where I noticed in my body the stress and the overwhelm. (23:53) I noticed in my schedule over the past two weeks how full I created my schedule.(23:58) In beautiful things, giving breathwork sessions and coaching and offering so much support to my clients, writing my book. (24:07) And there it is. (24:09) The busyness parasite, the busyness programming again hooked me.(24:14) And this is where we get choice. (24:16) We can choose to slow down. (24:19) And yes, those voices are still going to come in.(24:22) Yes, that narrative is still going to play. (24:25) Once again, you have choice to choose a new narrative. (24:29) I trust that I am safe.(24:31) In this moment, I am safe. (24:34) You know that voice that says this house of cards is all going to fall down? (24:37) In this moment, this house is standing.(24:40) In this moment, I am surrounded by love. (24:43) It is safe to slow down. (24:46) It is safe not to fill my day with crazy busyness.(24:51) It is safe to take time for me. (24:53) And this is a mantra that I recite as a practice. (24:58) To remember my power.(25:01) To remember that busyness is a program that I get to choose whether or not to buy into. (25:10) And you do too. (25:11) And I'm going to offer you this also.(25:14) Because this is so, so, so apparent in our professions. (25:20) Because so many women struggle with this. (25:23) I'm going to invite you as well to the Empower Her Retreat.(25:27) And this is really important because we need to have space to retreat to. (25:33) And the whole purpose of this retreat is happening in October. (25:37) October 1st through 4th in Taos, New Mexico.(25:41) Is to take you out of your everyday stories. (25:45) Out of your everyday busyness. (25:48) And give you a space of slowing down.(25:52) And showing you how to. (25:54) How to heal from the programming. (25:56) How to heal from that narrative that everything's going to fall apart.(25:59) That it's selfish. (26:01) That other people will rely on me not to take time for myself. (26:06) That I don't deserve it.(26:08) And all those wounding programs. (26:12) How to heal from it. (26:13) So this is a really big moment.(26:15) Because it's not only giving you the space to do it. (26:18) But showing you how to do it for yourself. (26:22) How to find that sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.(26:26) And presence. (26:27) And clarity of what is true for you. (26:30) By slowing down.(26:31) And acknowledging that slowing down is not that easy. (26:35) Especially when you've bought into the programming your whole life long. (26:38) So if you're interested in this, please check out empowerherretreat.org It is only for women doctors and dentists. (26:46) I only select a few women. (26:49) So it is an interview only basis. (26:51) So it just means we need to get on a call so I can tell you about it.(26:55) Find out if this is right for you. (26:58) And give yourself this permission. (27:00) I mean that's what it takes.(27:01) It takes actually trying to slow down. (27:05) Giving yourself permission to try. (27:07) I am willing to learn to slow down.(27:10) I am willing to find out that everything won't fall apart if I do. (27:14) Because you are doing such incredible things in this world. (27:17) And we need you.(27:18) And we need you at your best. (27:20) And your best is not possible without rest. (27:23) Without slowing down.(27:25) Without taking time for you. (27:28) Sending you so much love. (27:30) And remember, when you feel good, that is when you can do good.(27:35) Bye-bye. (27:38) Thank you for listening to the Business of Happiness podcast. (27:42) If this episode brought you new perspective and value, I invite you to subscribe so that you catch all upcoming episodes.(27:50) And leave us a review. (27:51) And if you know of a friend or colleague who could benefit from this perspective, share this episode with them and empower their day. (27:59) For more information about the Business of Happiness and the Radical Happiness for Practitioners course, find me on www.thebizofhappiness.com.(28:10) See you there.