#431 - Feeling GUILTY Is Limiting Your Success

In this episode of The Business of Happiness, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy speaks to high-achieving healthcare professionals and women in dentistry who have spent years caring for patients, teams, and families, often without pausing to ask what brings them joy. She questions the idea that every worthwhile choice needs to be practical, productive, or easy to defend. Through personal reflections and a meaningful client story, Dr. Tarryn shows how following what genuinely energizes you can restore purpose, creativity, and connection.

You’ll also hear why guilt, pressure, and the constant urge to do more can pull you away from the things that help you feel like yourself. Happiness is not something you have to wait for after success. It may be the signal that helps guide you toward it.

Show notes:
(2:03) When feeling good helps you do good
(6:19) Why high achievers forget their wants
(14:47) Let yourself enjoy what feels good
(16:06) A self-alignment framework to help dentists and healthcare professionals to reconnect with themselves beyond burnout and outside expectations.
(18:58) A client follows her childhood-home feeling
(23:15) Small joy can create meaningful change
(25:38) Let inspiration become your life compass
(28:07) Outro

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IMPORTANT LINKS:

Empower Her Retreat:
Dates: October 1–4, 2026
Location: Taos, New Mexico
Website: empowerherretreat.org

Radical Happiness for Women Dentists - https://thebizofhappiness.com/radicalhappiness/

Connect with Dr. MacCarthy:
Email: tarryn@drtarrynmaccarthy.com

Book a call with Tarryn:
https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/bookings/happiness-and-prosperity-strategy-call

Unlock your inner peace and reclaim joy in your profession with the Nervous System Regulation For Dentists Course: https://www.thebizofhappiness.com/calm

Please join my Facebook group, Business Of Happiness Hive, so we can all take this journey to find fulfillment and happiness together. Click here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2047152905700283

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Facebook: facebook.com/thebusinessofhappiness
IG: @thebizofhappiness

It would mean the world to me if you subscribe, leave a review, and share this podcast with your friends, co-workers, and families. This will help the trajectory of this podcast and allow others who are seeking true happiness to find the podcast.

Transcript

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Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy

(0:01) Welcome to the Business of Happiness podcast. (0:05) It's your host, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy. (0:08) And this is the podcast where we put happiness first.(0:14) I help high achieving, deeply passionate healthcare professionals like you rediscover their happiness and their freedom. (0:23) Join me in conversations with experts to uncover our unique definition of happiness and answer the question, is there really such a thing as work-life balance? (0:35) If you've heard yourself saying, you know, I'll be happy when?(0:41) Well, my friend, the time is now. (0:44) Time to step out of the busyness of your life and time to step into the business of happiness. (0:54) Hello and welcome to the Business of Happiness podcast.(0:58) Hi, guys. (1:00) Welcome back. (1:01) I'm your host, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy. (1:03) And today is going to be such a great day. (1:08) Today, I am giving you permission to give yourself permission to go after what excites and lights you up most. (1:19) And I'm hoping that you're getting this message at exactly the right time where maybe you've been sitting on the fence of really wanting to do something in your life, being very excited about something.(1:34) And maybe you've been questioning yourself, or maybe something feels really good to go after. (1:40) And you keep telling yourself, oh, it doesn't seem silly. (1:44) I don't know what that's going to lead to.(1:46) I don't even know how that's going to turn out. (1:49) I'm a little overwhelmed with what that might mean, whether it's silly or overwhelming. (1:54) Today, I'm giving you permission to lean into what lights you up and excites you most.(2:03) We're talking about when you feel good, you can do good. (2:09) Why this is such an important, important strategy, mantra, life lesson, way to live your life. (2:19) Today, I want to share with you something really exciting about a client of mine and when she leaned into what felt good, even when it didn't make sense.(2:30) I think in our culture, and especially in dentistry, in business ownership, in fitness, there's been this kind of push to lean into something that feels uncomfortable. (2:45) And I get it. (2:46) I know where this comes from.(2:49) There's a lot to be said for doing the thing before you feel ready. (2:55) There's a lot to be said for going to the gym, even though you don't feel like it. (3:00) So in that moment when you're like, what would make me feel really good?(3:04) When I feel good, I do good. (3:06) I might say to myself, it feels really good to lie in bed right now. (3:08) So there's a lot of push for jump up out of bed, count down from five, and let's go.(3:13) And what we're identifying here are those momentary pleasures or indulgences. (3:20) Like, you know, if you eat a piece of chocolate in the moment, that feels really good. (3:24) But in the long term, it doesn't.(3:27) So I think there's been a lot of emphasis recently on doing the hard thing. (3:33) And if you sacrifice now and if you put in the time now, you'll appreciate it afterwards. (3:38) So get really uncomfortable now and get really comfortable with being uncomfortable.(3:42) And I couldn't agree with that more, right? (3:45) But being comfortable with the uncomfortable is what allows us to stretch and grow. (3:50) However, when it comes to fighting against yourself, now we start working against not just what is good for us, but what is really good for everyone else.(4:04) Okay, so let me lean into this a little bit more. (4:07) As I'm working with clients, one of the things we do in my program Radical Happiness for Practitioners, and this is just for women dentists, yes, I've run a men's course before and it was amazing. (4:21) But right now, all my energy and focus is really on women dentists.(4:26) And as a part of our course, we do a lot of visualization. (4:30) And we lean into visualizing the life that you most want. (4:36) Kind of what is it?(4:37) What is that life you want to experience? (4:40) If you're unhappy where you are right now, what is the life you want to experience? (4:44) Is it, you know, support and reliability from your team members?(4:49) And what does that look like? (4:51) Or is it leaning into creativity? (4:54) Or is it leaning into family all around you?(4:57) Or is it more love or more financial stability? (5:01) What is it that you're asking for that you want to experience more of in your life? (5:06) Maybe it's travel, right?(5:08) So then we might visualize and we have a very cool way of doing this that is extremely effective and impactful. (5:14) But maybe it's about visualizing traveling and being on a mountain somewhere or at a beach somewhere. (5:22) Or maybe it's even just visualizing working as a dentist with ease.(5:29) With enormous success, but three days a week and not feeling stressed about it. (5:34) And enjoying your time with your family and being fully present, right? (5:38) So there's an end goal here, a directional compass that we're using to pull ourselves forward.(5:46) And this is just a component of radical happiness. (5:49) Because then we play a lot with beliefs and thoughts and emotions and past wounds and traumas. (5:55) And how to heal those things.(5:57) And how to, you know, allow your mind not to constantly be racing. (6:02) But really focusing on the things that you're calling in. (6:06) And every time I do this, there are a few clients who get confused by what that scene is.(6:15) Right? (6:16) It's hard for them to grasp it. (6:17) And I think that could be for many reasons.(6:19) One of the big reasons is that we're so used to worrying about the future. (6:24) It's hard for us to even know what a wonderful future looks like, right? (6:28) We have all these thoughts and beliefs that come in and say, that's not possible.(6:32) And as soon as those thoughts of, oh my gosh, that's not possible sneak in, you shut down the image or the visualization of what you really want in your life, right? (6:42) Maybe you've gone after it a few times and had disappointments. (6:46) And you think, okay, that's not possible.(6:48) So I can't even imagine that. (6:49) That's one reason we shut it down. (6:51) But another reason that we sometimes shut it down is because so many high achieving, capable, brilliant women who care a lot about other people have been doing things for other people for so long that they forgot what they want.(7:11) She knew what it was when she was 19, when she applied to dental school, but she's forgotten what she wants because she's been so busy appeasing and fulfilling everyone else's dreams. (7:22) Am I right? (7:22) Does that sound familiar?(7:24) You take care of so many people that for a moment there, you can't even fathom what it is you want. (7:30) I know this happens all the time where, you know, you maybe are talking about dinner and everyone's saying, what does everyone want for dinner? (7:37) And you're telling everyone else, you decide.(7:41) I'm happy. (7:41) I'll take whatever. (7:43) At the end of the day, you forget your own needs because you haven't been practicing being aware of them for so long.(7:50) And we work through this in the program as well. (7:53) But there's always one or two clients that gets to this visualization part and they don't have a directional compass they want to go in. (8:02) They can't figure it out.(8:03) They know what they don't want. (8:04) They're sitting in it right now, whether it's stress or overwhelm or poor financial situation or too much responsibility or they don't love dentistry anymore or they don't love their marriage anymore. (8:15) They know what they don't want, but it's tricky to get to that visualization to get really clear on what it is they do want.(8:23) And this is an important, important step. (8:26) And this is where I'm going back to leaning into what makes you feel good. (8:33) And I mean from an emotional perspective, from a spiritual soul perspective.(8:39) What makes your soul, I'm using that word on purpose, feel good? (8:47) What lights you up without judgment? (8:53) Without judgment.(8:55) So a few months ago, I think I've talked about this on, actually, it's now two years ago. (9:00) I had this feeling that something that lit my soul up was pottery. (9:07) I know, crazy, right?(9:09) I mean, there's a little bit of correlation. (9:12) I did sculpture when I was in college, but I've never thrown on a wheel before. (9:18) And that was an excitement for me.(9:20) It felt really exciting. (9:22) And I leaned into it, and I've been doing it now for two years. (9:25) There's no outcome.(9:26) There's no new business. (9:28) There's no feeding into the business I'm doing now. (9:30) I'm not making, I'm sometimes making things for family just as gifts and fun things, but I'm not, there's no outcome.(9:38) But oh my gosh, do I get so much enjoyment out of it. (9:41) Do I get so much freedom and creative expression, and I've met new people in my community, and I've gotten out of the house. (9:51) Because as you can imagine, coaching and podcasting, I'm here all the time.(9:56) It's gotten me out of the house. (9:58) I love it. (9:58) I'm loving, loving, loving it.(10:00) And I've never, never missed, I mean, I've missed a week or two if I've been traveling to speak, but I've never missed more than a week or two because I've enjoyed it so much. (10:10) And it's all free will, right? (10:12) My point is when I feel soul lit up, that is what gives me the motivation to keep doing the other things.(10:22) It puts me in this beautiful state of presence and fulfillment. (10:27) It lights up my soul. (10:29) I remember that feeling so many times in my life, like starting my practice.(10:35) Oh, I couldn't get enough of it. (10:36) I was designing the logo. (10:38) I was thinking of the name.(10:40) I was writing up the protocol for different positions in the practice. (10:46) I was envisioning the colors of the dental chairs and what the reception area was going to look like. (10:52) It was so exciting to create in that way.(10:55) I was leaning into what was lighting up my soul. (10:59) Your soul was lit up at one point when you applied to dental school. (11:06) It was exciting.(11:07) And here's the really important thing about following your dreams and your desires is there's always an outcome that is beneficial, not just to you, but to the world around you, even if you can't see it. (11:28) Even if it doesn't make any sense. (11:31) Now I can look at this pottery, at my ceramics, throwing on the wheel and see the benefit right now.(11:37) The right now benefit is I'm getting out of the house. (11:40) I even thought about getting a wheel here at the house. (11:43) And my two kids said to me, two of my kids said to me, mom, you need this engagement in the community.(11:50) So do not put a pottery studio in your house. (11:53) Let's keep continuing going to this place. (11:56) And they're so right.(11:57) It's fulfilling this need of mine of interacting with people, which I know those of you who are dentists listening to this right now, you're like, I need to get away from people at the end of the day. (12:08) I hear you. (12:09) I was in the same place in private practice where you're on stage all the time and escaping into your own world or escaping into quiet is just so delicious.(12:19) Yes, I understand. (12:21) And it's really interesting being on the other side of that, where all my clients are online. (12:27) I only do in-person retreats a couple times a year.(12:30) So I'm really starved for human interaction sometimes, and pottery is bringing that to me. (12:37) But beyond that immediate benefit, I can't yet see. (12:42) There's something, there's something bigger coming out of this.(12:46) I just haven't seen it yet. (12:48) So this is where I want to share what happened with one of my clients. (12:52) So she's at this point in the program, and she's really struggling with finding this end scene, this directional compass scene that we're heading towards.(13:03) And she says, at one point she says, you know what I just keep remembering? (13:06) I keep picturing my childhood home. (13:10) And when I think about my childhood home, I feel really good.(13:17) It lights up my soul. (13:19) All the feelings that I'm going after that I want to experience right now, I experience when I envision my childhood home. (13:27) I don't live there anymore.(13:28) No one I know lives there anymore. (13:30) But that picture in my mind represents the feeling I want to feel. (13:37) And it didn't make any sense, right?(13:40) It doesn't make sense sometimes when there are things that light us up. (13:44) Sometimes it's a song. (13:45) Sometimes it's another person.(13:48) Sometimes it's a fascination with a moment in history. (13:51) Or you remember something. (13:53) You're like, oh, I love this color.(13:55) Or I love this flavor. (13:57) Or this is really lighting me up. (14:00) This recipe.(14:01) This song. (14:02) This idea of playing an instrument. (14:05) Something in you shows up and just like that, it lights up your soul.(14:13) Now here's the really important thing. (14:17) Giving herself permission to just keep going to that visualization of that childhood home. (14:24) To give herself permission.(14:26) Now here's the important part. (14:27) To feel in her body the emotions that that childhood home elicited in her. (14:36) Same for me with pottery.(14:38) Every time I think about it, I allow myself to get excited. (14:44) And now this is really an important part. (14:47) Because we've gotten so used to when we feel good, we shut it down.(14:54) The moment we start to feel good about something, we feel, what, guilty? (15:00) Selfish? (15:01) Like it's a waste of time?(15:03) And this is where we have a really powerful moment to pause and pay attention to that voice inside your head. (15:12) So I'm picturing things like when I'm sitting by a stream. (15:16) That happened to me once.(15:17) I got into this really great practice of after work, seeing patients all day. (15:23) There's this beautiful little park near my house on the way from work to home. (15:28) And I would sit in the park and there's this beautiful river.(15:31) And I would sit there and just transition. (15:33) Give myself just a few minutes before I went back home to little kids, the busyness, dinner, all that. (15:40) Just to give myself some time between work and home.(15:44) And I remember I'd sit there and one day I felt so good just sitting there. (15:49) The sun on my face. (15:51) And I just closed my eyes for a moment.(15:54) My whole body just relaxed. (15:56) Maybe even dozed off for just a few seconds, I'm sure. (16:00) And immediately, something in my mind said, this feels too good.(16:04) Get up. (16:04) You've got to be doing something. (16:08) All right, my friends.(16:08) I am interrupting your episode to bring to you some extremely exciting news. (16:14) Because at The Business of Happiness, we are doing something we have never done before. (16:20) Because we know that you are doing such amazing things every single day.(16:25) We know you are literally putting smiles on children's faces on a daily basis. (16:31) And you have spent so many years giving and taking care of and serving and holding space for everyone else. (16:39) Not just your patients, but your team and your family.(16:42) And it is exhausting. (16:44) And it is time to come back to what is true to you. (16:51) And that is why we are offering the True2Me method.(16:55) We've never done this before. (16:57) And this is the core, the foundational method. (17:02) The framework that is at the core of everything we offer is the True2Me method.(17:08) And we're putting it in a beautiful little package. (17:11) A self-led course for you. (17:14) A mini four-step course that you can listen to on the way to work.(17:19) It is going to change the way you see yourself. (17:24) It is going to put you back in touch with what is true to you. (17:27) Because what I know is, up until this point, what we've been taught in dentistry is to outsource our choices and our decisions to the expectations of everyone around us.(17:41) What do my patients need? (17:42) What does my accountant say I need to do? (17:45) What does my family think?(17:46) What do my colleagues expect of me? (17:48) And this four-step method brings you back to you. (17:53) This is the core of finding fulfillment and freedom and satisfaction and enjoyment and living your life to the fullest.(18:03) So check out True2MeMethod.com. (18:08) Easy to remember. (18:09) True2MeMethod.com.(18:10) And use the code POD10, P-O-D 10, to get a 10% discount as a podcast listener. (18:18) Let me tell you, this is amazing. (18:21) We have already put an enormous savings.(18:24) It's usually $9.97. We're bringing it down to $4.97. And with the POD 10% savings, you get another 10% off. (18:32) This is a no-brainer. (18:34) There are CE credits.(18:35) There's community. (18:36) There's a downloadable companion guide. (18:38) There are monthly check-ins.(18:40) This is amazing. (18:42) You cannot afford to miss it. (18:44) Check out the True2MeMethod.com and use the code POD10. (18:48) I am sending you so much love. (18:51) You deserve to remember what is true for you. (18:55) Now, back to the episode.(18:58) That intense need to be productive or checking boxes or completing tasks kicked in. (19:06) The feeling good felt dangerous, selfish. (19:10) I felt guilty.(19:11) And I thought, okay, let's get going. (19:14) I still had time. (19:16) But that feeling good didn't make sense.(19:20) And this is where we get to choose. (19:22) So, first of all, if you're aware of that moment where you're cutting yourself off from indulging and feeling good. (19:28) Maybe it's, you know what, it would feel really good.(19:31) What would light up my soul? (19:32) It's taking a vacation. (19:34) It's closing the practice for two solid weeks and just getting out of dodge.(19:38) And then immediately the thoughts come in. (19:41) Oh, no, selfish. (19:42) What are you going to do financially?(19:44) Everything's going to fall apart. (19:45) All those. (19:45) If you can catch yourself in that moment and give yourself permission to lean into the feel good part, that is where the magic starts to happen.(19:55) So, let's go back to the story of my client. (19:58) She's picturing her childhood home. (20:00) It makes no sense.(20:03) She's not going to go there. (20:05) She doesn't want to buy her childhood home. (20:07) She doesn't have any future in her childhood home.(20:10) There's nobody there she knows. (20:11) But she noticed all the questions in her mind making her doubt something that lit up her soul. (20:19) And she said, you know what, I'm going to just lean into lighting up my soul.(20:22) I'm going to lean into feeling how good it feels. (20:27) I spoke to her the other day. (20:29) She's been doing this for the past few months.(20:32) This complete surrender to what feels good. (20:36) To just going forward with it. (20:37) To just allowing herself not to know the outcome but to lean into it.(20:43) She ended up writing a letter to the people who live there. (20:48) She knows the address. (20:49) She doesn't know who lives there.(20:50) She told them all about what the house meant to her. (20:54) That her father and her grandfather were a part of building this house. (20:59) That they designed it and they built it.(21:00) And the love and care they put into it. (21:03) How much the house meant to her. (21:04) She put in her little business card from her practice, her dental office.(21:09) Just to let them know that she wasn't, you know, looking for anything. (21:14) Or wasn't a suspicious person trying to get in touch with them. (21:17) And told her a little bit about herself.(21:21) This new relationship that has unfolded is magical. (21:26) She's now making plans to go and meet this person. (21:30) I mean, they connected.(21:31) Turns out the person who lives in the house has been renovating the house back to its original way that it was built. (21:41) I guess in the interim there was a family that lived there that kind of let the house go. (21:45) Well, turns out the family that lives there now, they care so much about this house.(21:50) They love it so much. (21:51) Notice, they're leaning into what lights up their souls. (21:56) They're renovating this home back to the original.(22:00) And giving it and honoring all the components that her father put into this house. (22:07) Can you imagine? (22:08) I got chills just thinking about it.(22:09) Can you imagine how good it's feeling for both women right now? (22:15) Notice how all the problems my client was experiencing are now drifting a little bit back into the background. (22:23) All the reasons she came into my program.(22:25) Because there's something really cool lighting her up. (22:28) There's this new story. (22:31) There's this new excitement.(22:32) This new adventure. (22:34) The synchronicity. (22:36) This other person on the other end, on the receiving end of this letter, it resonated with.(22:44) And she's excited to meet them. (22:45) She's going to go and visit this house. (22:47) My client and her husband, not only that, she told her dad they found the blueprints, the original blueprints of the house.(22:55) And my client is having it framed and is going to surprise this woman with a framed blueprint of the house that this woman is so excited to renovate and to restore to its original design. (23:15) The wealth in this moment. (23:18) And this is where we can't know the outcome.(23:22) When you lean into what lights you up, you do good. (23:29) You take action on really amazing things. (23:33) My client leaned into this feeling, how great it felt about this house.(23:39) And then she had the inspiration to send the letter. (23:41) And then she didn't listen to the doubts and the fears and the naysayers in her mind. (23:47) She leaned into it more.(23:49) She was like, Oh my God, it'd be so exciting to reach out and write a letter. (23:51) And she did. (23:53) This practice is so important in every aspect of your life because we don't always know the outcome.(24:00) We don't know the ripple effect beyond us of how it's going to impact the people in our lives. (24:09) Even beyond what we can imagine. (24:11) Do you know the ripple effect of the work that you are doing today?(24:16) As a dentist, as some of you as a business owner, as a leader of your team, do you even sometimes blow your own mind of the incredible things that you are doing in the world every day? (24:29) We forget. (24:31) We get really casual about this.(24:33) You're doing so many crowns and veneers and implants and straightening teeth orthodontically and healing their periodontium and replacing those infected roots with gutta percha. (24:45) I think we're still using gutta percha. (24:48) And you don't even realize the impact it's having on the people you serve because you're doing it on a daily basis.(24:55) It becomes just like another thing you do. (24:58) But that inspiration you had led to incredible things. (25:05) When you feel good, you do good.(25:09) When you feel good, magic happens. (25:13) Wealth and abundance comes to you. (25:16) It's when we fight ourselves and we stop ourselves and we say, Nah, I don't deserve to feel that good.(25:24) There's no outcome that I can see. (25:26) There's no obvious investment here. (25:28) There's no obvious production value from leaning into this.(25:33) That's when we cut ourselves short. (25:35) That's when we do ourselves a disservice. (25:38) When you have this feeling, this inspiration, this desire, let this episode be your permission to lean into it.(25:48) There's nothing more important. (25:51) Those moments of inspiration and desire are gold, are magic. (25:57) There's a reason why we get these inspiration and desire to birth children, to have families, to have experiences.(26:06) You never know the people you will touch and impact by just saying yes to your dreams. (26:15) I'm asking you now, what has been burning in your heart? (26:21) What have you been dreaming of that you've not allowed yourself?(26:26) Maybe for a long time. (26:27) Maybe it's really small. (26:29) Small is great.(26:30) Look at this small thing, this image of her childhood home. (26:34) Super small. (26:35) And look at what a beautiful, beautiful thing it turned into.(26:39) This really exciting event that she's going to be talking about for the rest of her life, that this woman living in the house that her father built is going to be talking about for the rest of her life. (26:48) She's going to put that framed blueprint on the wall and every friend that comes over to the house, she's going to tell the story to. (26:57) How amazing.(26:59) What an enormous gift to both of these women because my client leaned into what lit her up. (27:09) And by the way, if you're listening to this, Stephanie, bravo, my friend. (27:15) Keep going after what lights your heart up.(27:17) You deserve it. (27:19) Keep going after that little whisper inside of you that's saying, you know, it would feel really good and allow it because you deserve it. (27:30) And not only do you deserve it, but that, my friend, is your directional compass in life.(27:35) In life. (27:36) And the number of lives you are going to touch subsequently, the way you show up now on a daily basis is a completely different woman. (27:48) And that is what the world deserves.(27:51) The world deserves you in your highest self showing up as the whole fulfilled, happy, worthy woman that you are. (28:04) Sending you so much love, my friends. (28:06) And remember when you feel good, that is when you do good.(28:12) Bye-bye. (28:17) Thank you for listening to the Business of Happiness podcast. (28:21) If this episode brought you new perspective and value, I invite you to subscribe so that you catch all upcoming episodes and leave us a review.(28:30) And if you know of a friend or colleague who could benefit from this perspective, share this episode with them and empower their day. (28:38) For more information about the Business of Happiness and the Radical Happiness for Practitioners course, find me on www.thebizofhappiness.com. (28:49) See you there.