Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason and Jana Banana

Rooted in Rage: How to Catch Positivity When You'd Rather Not

• Jana and Jason Shelfer • Season 9 • Episode 6

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Rooted in Rage: How to Catch Positivity When You'd Rather Not (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Ever stubbornly clung to a bad mood? 😠 In this raw and relatable episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, we unpack the puzzling human tendency to resist joy and happiness, even when it's all around us. We explore why we sometimes "plant our feet in negativity" and how to finally break free.

This is a powerful self-help and personal development guide to understanding your emotional patterns and making a conscious choice for a better mood.

Here's what you'll discover:

  • The "Equal and Opposite Reaction": Uncover why we sometimes respond to others' happiness or success with resentment and irritation. Is your ego driving your resistance to joy?
  • An Emotional Bunker: Hear Jana’s funny but powerful story about stubbornly refusing to participate in a high-energy Tony Robbins conference—a perfect example of emotional stubbornness.
  • Are You Rooted in Rage? Learn to identify when you're seeking to be "held, helped, or heard" in your misery and how this desire for attention can keep you stuck.
  • Energy is Contagious, But... We reveal the crucial lesson that you must be willing to catch positivity. It's a choice you have the power to make.
  • If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes: This powerful takeaway from Tony Robbins himself will challenge you to confront your resistance and ask if you're truly happy with where you are.

Ready to stop resisting and start living? This episode is your guide to taking back control of your emotional state and creating the life you truly crave.

  • How to stop being negative.
  • Why do I resist happiness?
  • The psychology of being in a bad mood.
  • How to deal with emotional stubbornness.
  • How to overcome resentment.
  • Why is positivity contagious?
  • Taking control of your emotions.
  • Breaking the cycle of negativity.
  • The importance of emotional awareness.
  • How to shift your mood.
  • "Why do I feel joy and resentment at the same time?"
  • "How do I deal with emotional resistance?"
  • "Is negativity a choice?"
  • "What is emotional stubbornness?"
  • "How do I stop being in a bad mood?"
  • "How can I be more positive?"
  • "How does my mindset affect my emotions?"

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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Jana Shelfer:

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer:

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer:

I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky®. You are too. Have you ever planted your feet and said I'm gonna be in a bad mood? I need this bad mood I just want to wallow in my anger and my resentment.

Jason Shelfer:

Isn't that weird, this bad mood feels so good.

Jana Shelfer:

Why is that? And then you get so annoyed at anyone around you that refuses to go down in the slosh with you.

Jason Shelfer:

You're like I am pissed off at positivity right now.

Jana Shelfer:

Which I'm going to admit. My husband is often in a happy-go-lucky mood. That's just his emotional home, and sometimes I am like, no, we need to be angry, we need to fight.

Jason Shelfer:

It's funny because I haven't always been Mr Happy-Go-Lucky and Mr Positivity. Yeah, honestly I feel like you Since you've known me yes, Whenever you're with me.

Jana Shelfer:

I feel like that's where you live.

Jason Shelfer:

Since you've known me, my emotional home has been happy, positive and just. Empowerment, yes, and that's where I just choose to live my life.

Jana Shelfer:

I can think of multiple examples where I plant my feet and I get so stubborn and I say no, I'm going to be bitchy today.

Jason Shelfer:

Your positivity is not going to infect me, pal.

Jana Shelfer:

And the one that really comes to mind is we were at a Tony Robbins conference, which we've gone to many of them, but this particular one. Jason and I were driving around the country in this mini camper.

Jason Shelfer:

Well, we were towing behind a mini camper.

Jana Shelfer:

We were towing a mini camper and Jason was like let's stay at a campsite, and it was the one. If you've ever watched the documentary Tiger King, it was literally a campsite, right beside.

Jason Shelfer:

We were just down, like in the Miami Fort Lauderdale area, the.

Jana Shelfer:

Tiger, king, compound, compound. And so in the middle of the night we would hear these lions roar, or tigers, and I'm like, oh my God, I can't sleep. And the bed was uncomfortable and we had to go through dirt.

Jason Shelfer:

And it's weird because we're in this very. It's a nice camper.

Jana Shelfer:

It was a naturist majestic area.

Jason Shelfer:

But it's like I don't know that a camper is going to keep out a lion if a lion wants to get in.

Jana Shelfer:

No. So then to get ready to go to the Tony Robbins conference, I would have to go through this dirt shower in this like outhouse. It was like a campground and then I'm trying to put on business casual attire and high heels that's been packed into like backpacks.

Jana Shelfer:

And then, yeah, which is all wrinkled, and then I'd have to go back through the dirt after I was clean and I had my makeup on. And then we'd go to this Tony Robbins conference and Tony Robbins is always he's on Tony time, so he says to get here at this time.

Jason Shelfer:

Get here at 7 am. I won't start until 10.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, you have to get there at 7 am in order to get a seat.

Jason Shelfer:

Plus there's 6,000 people there, so you need to be there to get in line and get through all the traffic.

Jana Shelfer:

And then they literally play music for three hours while you network and get to know the people around you.

Jason Shelfer:

Get primed.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, don't prime me pal, and I'm like I don't care if he's Tony Robbins, I don't care if he's God. He said it started at seven.

Jason Shelfer:

He's not respecting my timeline.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes. And so then out comes Tony, who has, if you've ever gone to a conference, he's got so much energy, enough energy to fill the room, and he literally starts by saying get on your chairs and jump up and down, let's feel alive. Feel the vitality in the air.

Jason Shelfer:

Boom, boom, boom. All I do is win, win, win, no matter what. And I turned to Jason.

Jana Shelfer:

I said no matter what. And I turned to Jason. I said I am not getting up, I'm just going to sit here with my arms crossed. I am pissed off.

Jason Shelfer:

I'm going to wait for the content and then.

Jana Shelfer:

So Jason sits there with me like a nice husband, right, and then all of a sudden Jason starts tapping his toes. And all of a sudden I see Jason get up and start clapping and he's bouncing up and down and now I'm pissed off at my husband.

Jason Shelfer:

This son of a gun is going to just leave me here in my misery.

Jana Shelfer:

His positivity is not going to affect me. Damn it. I am pissed off and this is where I want to live.

Jason Shelfer:

I am rooted.

Jana Shelfer:

I am rooted in my rage. That's how I felt, and I know that this is such a silly example. There are so many people that this happens to or they know, someone that happens to it.

Jason Shelfer:

It's like a spectrum of where am I on this? Positivity, negativity, and so many people, I think a lot of people want to be in the middle and they want to claim like middle ground, yeah, and I would say, even middle middle ground is like good, that's fine. Like when you're walking down the street someone says, how are you? Yes, like middle ground is saying I'm good, you know, I'm OK, I'm quote, unquote, ok, yeah, and that's that's just. I mean, that's that. Those are people that I think are more susceptible to rooting themselves in, not being affected by someone's positivity or not being willing to catch someone else's positivity.

Jana Shelfer:

Not only that, but I feel like there is this equal and opposite reaction, and it's almost like how dare they have the audacity to be in such a great mood? They?

Jason Shelfer:

will resist it.

Jana Shelfer:

And I'm not only going to resist it, I'm going to go to the other end of the teeter-totter to balance this thing out.

Jason Shelfer:

I'm going to get butt rage over this.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, we do that in so many areas of our life. I remember this time in my life when there was a certain coworker and she was losing weight. She was on like this weight loss drug and she was losing weight and she just felt so good. However, this weight loss drug made her talk a mile a minute and I could never understand what she was trying to say, because she was, I'm sure it was a form of speed.

Jason Shelfer:

And then she would talk about you know, I mean, she was constantly just so happy and it made me angry, and I think I'm pretty sure we all have somewhere in our lives that we feel that so and like there's things in every area, there's something where we feel deficient, yes, and then when someone else is like just crushing it in that, yes, we have this moment of saying, all right, am I curious and how they're doing it and can I be happy for them and learn more so that I might see those same results? Or I might just be curious to find the result that works for me Because, like I might not want to be on a certain medication to lose weight.

Jason Shelfer:

but I might want to say, okay, well, what else is in there? Or what else did you try, or what else did you learn on this journey, instead of because we will do it? And I've got goosebumps right now because I recognize it in my own life, where we will push that person out and say your happiness your success. I'm not going to be infected by it.

Jana Shelfer:

No, I get this way every year at Christmas time and it isn't until we started talking about this topic for the podcast that I realized, oh my gosh, at Christmas time I have a sister and her son who are literally like buddy from Elf. I know Santa, they are over the top. Christmas they start decorating early. I mean, we go to their house for Christmas because if we want to be around the family, that's where we've got to go, that's where Christmas happens and we have to partake in these activities.

Jason Shelfer:

The gift exchange, all that.

Jana Shelfer:

And they just think it's so much fun, much fun. And I start getting the equal and opposite reaction where I almost start getting resentful of this pretend and excitement. But it's not Like, that's what really Like. Theirs is not pretend.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes, so this brings up an interesting area.

Jana Shelfer:

That I start bringing out the equal and opposite emotion to just balance it out and I get planted in that and rooted in. No, I'm going to be grumpy. I'm going to be grumpy and grouchy in. No, I'm gonna be grumpy. I'm gonna be grumpy and grouchy and I'm gonna make it miserable for everyone. Who's making me do a damn gingerbread house.

Jason Shelfer:

So in that. So this, I think in my, in my opinion, this is one of those things where it's like, okay, well do. Are you being forced into an area that you don't want to go into?

Jana Shelfer:

so it's's like my pride won't my pride starts coming out, my ego, it's an ego thing, I think.

Jason Shelfer:

So I'm going to just take your word for it, because from the outside, looking in, I don't see it as that. What I see it as is. You're not a like gift giving isn't the most important part of this whole thing for you. Okay, so we, because we haven't given gifts, we give part of this whole thing for you. Okay, so we, cause we haven't given gifts, we give each other gifts throughout the year and we don't give. Like, buying Christmas gifts every year for Christmas just didn't make sense. For us.

Jason Shelfer:

That's a whole different topic, though you get forced into the gift giving the white elephants, the, and.

Jana Shelfer:

So when that starts getting triggered, then there's a boundary that has been crossed.

Jason Shelfer:

Then you realize there's all these like I'm not being heard at all, I'm being forced into this different playground world and now I'm going to resist it all.

Jana Shelfer:

However, there's another choice there.

Jason Shelfer:

There is, there's always another choice.

Jana Shelfer:

I could just join in the happiness. I could just join in the happiness and I'm not sure I feel like this particular podcast is asking yourself the question where am I resisting or being adversary, or rooted in my own misery?

Jason Shelfer:

That's it, I think. Am I deciding that I'm in love with that misery or that I'm wanting people to recognize it so that they come quote unquote rescue me, or whatever?

Jana Shelfer:

What is it? There's something there that serves us, Otherwise we wouldn't do it.

Jason Shelfer:

Or am I able to just make a different choice to be happy, to have joy and to, because sometimes we say I don't belong because boom, like, whatever it is?

Jana Shelfer:

So back to our first example, at this Tony Robbins thing. So as Tony's jumping up and down and people are screaming and hollering and the energy is high and I'm sitting on the front row with my arms crossed, tony stops the music. He's like stop the music. If there's anyone out there that is sitting in their chair, stubborn with their arms crossed.

Jason Shelfer:

I'm looking right at you. He's totally talking to me.

Jana Shelfer:

He's looking at you but there's other people too. This isn't a one person thing. I'm not going to get up and jump up and down because someone told me to my wife brought me here.

Jason Shelfer:

I ain't doing this crap. But he literally said if you're one of those people right now, because someone told me to my wife brought me here.

Jana Shelfer:

I ain't doing this crap. But he literally said if you're one of those people right now, then ask yourself are you ready to make a change? Are you ready to have a breakthrough this weekend? And I was. I mean, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah, are you happy with where you are or do you want something new?

Jana Shelfer:

Yes.

Jason Shelfer:

Because if nothing changes, nothing changes. Yes, yes, and that's a big, massive piece. And it's just a choice. Make this small change and you talk about it all the time. With energy is contagious, you have to be willing to catch it.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah, and receive it and embody it.

Jason Shelfer:

You have to become it. You can resist it and you will become the opposite.

Jana Shelfer:

I mean I'm this topic in particular has just really lit up something in my brain. Does just really lit up something in my brain. It's almost like Oprah aha aha, because I feel like there's been so many times where I almost get pissed off by the good vibes, someone else having extreme good vibes, right.

Jason Shelfer:

You've gone too far. I'm like no, I want to be depressed and sad right now, I ain't never had too much fun, and the fact that you're not recognizing that I'm depressed and sad is making me angry, because now I feel unheard. Oh, do you want to be held, helped or heard?

Jana Shelfer:

First up is awareness. Once we recognize what's happening, it's easy to step out and just say there I go again, there I go again.

Jason Shelfer:

A lot of times we feel like we're not in control and so we're trying to take control. And what if we use that moment to take control of our choice?

Jana Shelfer:

Of our own, of the way we show up our own energy.

Jason Shelfer:

Oh, jason you and just choose the more empowering route.

Jana Shelfer:

And you said it. You said it perfectly If we want to make a change, Something's got to change.

Jason Shelfer:

Thanks for joining us. Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer:

Bye-bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. LivingLucky. com.

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Jana Shelfer

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Jason Shelfer

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