Raw Truths About Being Yourself

Unmask Your Magnetism: The Real Secret to "Just Being Yourself" 🧲✨

Are you performing for applause or showing up for impact? In this episode of Living Lucky®, Jason and Jana Banana explore why authenticity is the ultimate shortcut to creative momentum and deeper relationships. If you’re trapped in the "doom loop" of seeking approval or the burnout of self-curation, this is your reset button.

We tackle the pressures of social media fame, the vulnerability of starting small (hello, Toastmasters!), and how to break "identity traps." Discover why your "imperfect" traits are actually your genius and stop trading your soul for pennies and praise.

In this episode:

• Identify Identity Traps: How money, status, and approval nudge you away from your true self.
• Practice Spontaneous Bravery: Why "off-the-cuff" speaking is a lab for real-life confidence.
• Release "Helpful" Control: Spot when your care for others is actually a mask for your own anxiety.

Nuggets:

• Presence Over Polish: Over-edited lines "cool" off. True heat lives in raw, extemporaneous moments. (Believe in yourself).
• The Mask Trap: If you only show your "costume," you’ll never feel truly accepted for who you are. (Believe in the people around you).
• The "No-Status" Prompt: Who would you be if money and status didn't matter? Your real priorities live there. (Believe in your circumstances).
• Courage is Contagious: Your truth gives everyone else permission to take off their mask. (Believe in a higher power).

Stop the performance. Hit play to unmask your magnetism and start Living Lucky® today!

• Self-help, personal development, authenticity, mindset shift, life coaching, positive thinking, How to be yourself on social media, overcoming the need for approval, building confidence through Toastmasters, signs of identity traps, finding your authentic voice.
• "How do I become more authentic?" Practice "thoughtful authenticity" by identifying where you are "wallpapering" (blending in for safety). Use spontaneous speaking to bypass the brain's internal editor and reconnect with your core values over external status.
• "Why is authenticity important for success?" Authenticity acts as a magnet. I

Transcript

Framing Authenticity And Living Lucky

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:14

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer 0:15

I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:19

You are too.

Jana Shelfer 0:20

Authenticity.

Jason Shelfer 0:24

That's got some surface.

Jana Shelfer 0:25

How do you be authentic? How do you just be yourself?

Jason Shelfer 0:30

That's that's a tough one. And I think a lot of people are really struggling with that. There are times when I struggle with it.

Jana Shelfer 0:36

I think authenticity is a magnet.

Jason Shelfer 0:40

It's definitely.

Jana Shelfer 0:40

And if you could tap into just acting and not overthinking, not wondering, oh, how's this being perceived? How is this being received? How are am I hurting anyone's feelings? Am I being narcissistic? Am I what am I how like if you can just stop all of those thoughts in your head and just be the core of who God created you to be? There's something that is so magical in that.

What Authentic Really Means

Jason Shelfer 1:14

Yeah, it's that whole just do you boo. You know?

Jana Shelfer 1:17

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 1:18

But then how often how many people actually know who they are? And when they are being quote unquote authentic, are they talking from their real authenticity? Are they talking from past hurts? Are they talking from current achievements? You know, it's like I and I think our our our real authentic selves are full of love, full of joy, full of excitement, and full of like expansion. Like, where can I go from here?

Toastmasters And Speaking Off The Cuff

Jana Shelfer 1:44

So I just want to I mean, I don't want to call anyone out, but Jason and I have joined Toastmasters again. And so we've been every Monday we go to Toastmasters, we hear people give speeches, we give speeches, people talk off the cuff. There's something that is so attractive about people getting up, drawing a topic, and just talking the extemporaneous speeches, just talking to the group. Yes, those are so much more interesting than the prepared speeches.

Jason Shelfer 2:23

I think so too.

Jana Shelfer 2:25

And here's why is because people are literally just talking from their passion, from what they love, from their You don't have time to worry. You don't have time to overthink stuff. Are you with me there?

Jason Shelfer 2:42

Yeah, it's it's it's an interesting concept, and uh, it's I think one of the big things about those extemporaneous speeches, the table topics, yes, is that you get this topic and immediately you you're just thinking about the topic. You're not thinking about what are people gonna think about what I say about the topic. Yes. At least that's that's how it works for me.

Jana Shelfer 3:04

Yeah, you're just thinking about oh, you're like more in the moment, and you're more you, you're more real.

Jason Shelfer 3:12

It's almost like a uh drawing a topic out of a hat creates this need to come into the present moment.

Viral Lip Syncs And Realness Online

Jana Shelfer 3:20

I'm telling you, I was on this webinar yesterday, and there's this guy, okay? He at 18 he started going live on TikTok. Okay. Now this sounds crazy, but for some reason there was something in his soul. Maybe he was reincarnated, I don't know. But there was something in his soul he liked 80s TikTok, like he would lip sync songs.

Jason Shelfer 3:47

Yes, he would lip sync them on TikTok.

Jana Shelfer 3:49

And so one of the songs that he would lip sync was Mandy, and then he just started putting these facial expressions and he would roll his eyes and lick his lips, and all of a sudden he had this fan base almost overnight of all of these middle-aged women who moms and grands just fell in love with this kid. Look at that little dream boat. They just absolutely there was something about him that was so attractive, and I think it was the fact that he was just playing and he didn't care what anyone thought. He wasn't thinking about, oh, am I upsetting the apple cart here? He just was being his quirky, playful self.

When Fans Shape Your Identity

Jason Shelfer 4:36

Yeah, and I I you see a lot of that on social media, I think. There's there's the the extremist, and then there's the the people that are like, I'm gonna give it to you, just authentically raw.

Jana Shelfer 4:48

There's something that was very raw, and it it showed because he immediately got all of these listeners and followers, and then it turned very toxic because as he started to grow, all of these women wanted to shape and mold who he was becoming. So as he got older and all of those natural things that you experiment with sex, drugs, rock and roll, all friends, yeah, all of a sudden these women who were so attracted to his authenticity started maybe subconsciously trying to change him.

Jason Shelfer 5:29

Yeah. Well, trying to keep him as they knew him.

Jana Shelfer 5:32

Yeah, right.

Jason Shelfer 5:33

Or as trying to trying to stay the per keep him the same person that they tuned into to begin with.

Money, Approval, And Pressure

Jana Shelfer 5:39

And I really want to reach out to this guy because he started feeling he's a people pleaser. And he started feeling uh the pressure of I need to make these women happy, I need to become who they want me to be. And it it stunts who he naturally is, which is why they were attracted to him to begin with.

Jason Shelfer 6:05

Well, there's an added um piece in there where they were actually supporting his lifestyle through the fan club, fan base, and donations and uh what are they the fans only account?

Jana Shelfer 6:18

This one lady actually gave him close to 200,000 dollars.

Who Would You Be Without Status

Jason Shelfer 6:23

That's and so then there's that financial aspect of needing to fit in, needing to please, needing to sustain and feel safe and all that. So it's a it's one of those weird things where we all find ourselves sometimes in these groups or or meeting new groups of friends, and then saying, How can I be the person they want me to be, or be the person they need me to be?

Jana Shelfer 6:48

So you know, just recently Jason and I have we always have a coach that we're working with, and right now we're working with a new coach named Dave. And Dave says to us, Who would you be if approval, money, and status did not matter? Who would you be?

Jason Shelfer 7:09

And there's there's power in uncovering that for yourself.

Masks, Energy, And Contagious Courage

Jana Shelfer 7:14

There is. For me, it was always I want time, I just want time. And so then as I started letting go of needing approval on social media, needing the status of my job, and needing even the financial security of a nine to five, I I feel this sense of freedom, yes. And at the same time, I sometimes go to this, I don't know who I am. I don't know. There's some soul searching that needs to be done there.

Jason Shelfer 7:50

Yeah, well, it's it's creating that space for that because otherwise you find out at the end of life that you have literally just gone into different rooms and become part of that wallpaper.

unknown 8:01

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 8:01

You know, it's like you've said, I'm how do I fit into this room? How do I look right in this room? And is that true to me? And when we're not authentic, so there's a there's a beauty in being authentic because when one person is authentic, it allows space for another person to be authentic. That's true. This is one of those things where we talk about energy as contagious.

Jana Shelfer 8:20

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 8:20

And if we're all at a masquerade party, we don't get complimented on ourselves, we get complimented on our complimented on our costume.

Jana Shelfer 8:30

That is true.

Jason Shelfer 8:30

So if we're if we're not presenting our full authentic self and our our thoughtfully authentic self, then we're one we there's this subconscious wondering, are they liking me? Yes. Or are they liking my costume? Like liking who who I showed up as.

Jana Shelfer 8:47

Yeah, and when we take off that mask, it can be very, very scary. I don't want to use the word scary because that adds a connotation that maybe we don't want to attach.

Regret Versus Authentic Choices

unknown 8:59

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 9:00

Like it's like that lonely piece that's on the couch and and and sits in the dark room and says, Am I am I enough? Am I who am I accepted in the world? And that and when we're authentic, it just says, Oh my gosh, there's someone like me brave enough to to be themselves. And we are ma like we're you said earlier, authenticity is a magnet. We're we're drawn to these authentications.

Jana Shelfer 9:23

It is a magnet. In fact, I think it is a component of Living Lucky®. It is when you can show up as your authentic self and just be on this planet to be exactly who the universe and God created you to be, there is this magnetism that that starts happening.

Jason Shelfer 9:44

Yeah, so lack of authenticity, I think, leads to regret. Like it it's those people that are on their deathbed and they say, I wish I had. You know, I thought I I thought I would, all these things, but then they held back because they needed to please, they needed the security, they needed the all these things.

Protecting Others And Policing Self

Jana Shelfer 10:04

It's so funny because I can sit here and talk about I just want to be my authentic self. I, you know, I I love that. And yet, yesterday we had uh an example in our own lives where Jason had this big webinar, he was helping high school students achieve a business goal, and I felt the need to step in and instead of just and having trust that you're gonna be great, which you were. I I was trying to protect you, which is exactly what all those women who were attracted to, I think his name was William White.

Jason Shelfer 10:46

Well, it's a normal thing. I mean, parents do this to their children all the time.

Jana Shelfer 10:49

Yeah, we try to protect them.

Jason Shelfer 10:51

When a child is born, the parent thinks, oh, I want you to have more than I ever had. I want you to go explore the world, I want you to, I want you to have all these things. And then they immediately put up these fences and like, don't go in the streets. Yes, don't do this, don't do this. Oh, nope, you shouldn't do that.

Jana Shelfer 11:09

Oh no, an astronaut. What are you oh, I don't know.

Jason Shelfer 11:12

You're not smart enough for that.

Jana Shelfer 11:13

I don't know, that's your path.

Jason Shelfer 11:15

Yeah, let's set that goal later in the future when we find out if you're good at math.

Jana Shelfer 11:18

And I did that to you yesterday. Yesterday you were getting prepared for this uh web webinar that you you were hosting, and I was like, Do you have your slides? What do you do we need to go over this?

The Hardest Icebreaker

Jason Shelfer 11:29

Uh are you everyone does it to don't feel bad about doing that because everyone does it to everyone.

Jana Shelfer 11:35

But I I mean, aha moment right now because I have joined Toastmasters again because I mean, I'm an experienced speaker, I speak for a living, right? And yet I'm like, why am I at Toastmasters doing an icebreaker? You know, this is so crazy. And it was one of the hardest speeches I've ever written. I will tell you that as well.

Jason Shelfer 11:58

Well, so it's because you're used to giving a 45-50 minute speech and then you're bringing it down to like a four and five minute speech.

Big Stages And Safe Spaces

Jana Shelfer 12:06

Of of introducing myself to a group, and I think, oh my gosh, I've evolved so much, I really don't know who I am right now in this moment, right? And also, there is this, you know, just showing up as my authentic, imperfect self is difficult for me. I feel the need to be polished and to guide people into what they should think about me.

Jason Shelfer 12:34

Right. So when you just said polished, I I I had all these images in my head of the the Emmy or the Golden Globe, you know, the Oscar. And I think you've come from a big from big stages, put yourself into this Toastmasters, and now you have to talk, like you're saying, I'm not like don't put me on this pedestal.

Jana Shelfer 12:57

But I'm not one of you either, is what I was saying. It's like this weird. I kind of miss the connection, maybe.

Jason Shelfer 13:03

Yeah, because a lot of the a lot of the people that are in our group aren't the haven't been speaking and getting paid lots for it. However, it's supposed to be there.

Jana Shelfer 13:15

What I was trying to say though, and that wasn't my intention, but what I was trying to say I know the whole story is I am here so that I can try new things and give myself grace.

Embracing Quirks And Squirrels

Jason Shelfer 13:26

And be in a safe space because when you're on the big stage, there's there's a feeling of judgment from crowds and all this stuff. And that's that's one of the beauties of Toastmasters, because I'm I'm getting I'm trying to get better at speaking. Like I would love to be speaking from those big stages. And I'm you're close, I'm just scared to get up there.

Jana Shelfer 13:44

You're so close.

Jason Shelfer 13:45

I'm scared that I'm gonna squirrel because that's what my authenticity is squirreling around, and it might just be lack of awareness, and I've got to dig back some layers to figure out that.

Jana Shelfer 13:55

That's also what makes you genius.

Jason Shelfer 13:57

It kind of does.

Daily Check: Is This Me

Jana Shelfer 13:59

Oh my gosh. Authenticity, authenticity. Are you showing up as your authentic self in all aspects of your life?

Jason Shelfer 14:09

And then are you also just questioning is this the authentic me or is this what I want the authentic me to look like?

Jana Shelfer 14:16

Oh my god. I just I need to relisten to this five times. Thank you for being here.

Jason Shelfer 14:23

Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer 14:24

Bye bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com.