Designing Midlife Change As A Team

What if your biggest breakthrough isn’t about “how”… but asking a better question about what’s next?

In this powerful Living Lucky® conversation, Jason & Jana unpack the real process of reinvention — especially during midlife transitions, semi-retirement, career pivots, and major life changes. Instead of fear-driven “now what,” they introduce a purpose-driven roadmap that helps you design your next chapter with clarity, courage, and faith.

You’ll learn the 4 phases of personal transformation — from catalytic moments (shock, opportunity, growth) through dreaming, messy experimentation, and finally the flow state where impact multiplies. Along the way, they share the 5 clarity questions that eliminate confusion and dismantle limiting beliefs:
• What do I want?
• Why do I want it?
• What must I do?
• What must I release?
• Who must I become?

This episode goes deep into mindset, personal development, self-help strategies, and the Living Lucky® pillars: believing in yourself, trusting your people, honoring your circumstances, and co-creating with a higher power. Learn how couples, families, and individuals align without compromise, transform doubt into growth, and move from ego-driven “prove it” energy into purpose-driven positive thinking.

You’ll walk away with:
• A clear reinvention framework for real life change
• Tools to break limiting beliefs & fear cycles
• A shared language for relationships & teams in transition
• Practical mindset shifts to turn uncertainty into momentum
• A faith-centered approach to co-creation and meaningful success

If you’re navigating change, craving purpose, or ready to evolve your identity — this episode gives you the roadmap to keep Living Lucky®.

What are the stages of personal reinvention?
Catalyst → Dreaming → Experimentation → Flow & Impact.

How do you overcome limiting beliefs during change?
Ask better questions, revisit your “why,” experiment safely, and treat setbacks as feedback.

What questions create clarity during life transitions?
What do I want? Why? What must I do? What must I release? Who must I become?

How do couples grow without sacrificing individuality?
Clarify “me,” “you,” and “us” separately — then align upward toward a shared mission.
personal development, self-help, mindset coaching, life coaching, limiting beliefs, midlife transformat

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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Chapters

• 0:00 From Doom Loop To Living Lucky
• 0:46 Coffee Talk Sparks A Big Question
• 1:08 Now What Versus What’s Next
• 2:00 Catalysts: Shock, Opportunity, Growth
• 3:10 Midlife Awakening And Better Questions
• 4:18 Mentors And Facing Limiting Beliefs
• 4:48 Five Stages And Acceptance
• 5:39 Phase Two: Dreaming And Scheming
• 6:26 Becoming Me, You, And Us
• 7:12 Five Clarity Questions For Couples
• 8:24 Phase Three: Spaghetti And Challenges
• 9:16 Doubt, Shame, And Course Corrections
• 10:40 Phase Four: Clicks, Flow, And Impact
• 12:05 Ego Check And True Motivation
• 13:03 Who This Framework Helps
• 13:45 Pulling Together With Purpose
• 14:26 Ten To Twenty Year Seasons
• 15:24 Midlife Identity And Fear
• 16:20 Betting On Ourselves And Faith
• 18:44 Thank You And Next Steps

Transcript

Jana Shelfer: 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Speaker: 0:14

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer: 0:15

I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®. You are too. We just had coffee with our good friends, Christina and Dwayne.

Jason Shelfer: 0:24

Dwayne and Christina.

Jana Shelfer: 0:25

And I came home so inspired about today's topic.

Jason Shelfer: 0:29

They're so inspirational.

Jana Shelfer: 0:31

Because they are semi-retired, which Jason and I have made this leap, and they are trying to figure out together what's next. Or the way we put it is now what.

Jason Shelfer: 0:46

Now what?

Jana Shelfer: 0:47

Now what? Which maybe was not the most positive light. But at the time, that's how we felt.

Jason Shelfer: 0:54

Now what? Well, too often in life we're we we start getting in this habituation of things happening to us. And that terminology, now what, is something that comes up. We're kind of waiting for that other shoe to drop or whatever.

Jana Shelfer: 1:07

But that's not what we're talking about.

Jason Shelfer: 1:08

No, today we're talking about what's next.

Jana Shelfer: 1:10

What's next? Exciting capacity. And how do you create that, not only for yourself, but together as a partner. Because there is a date with destiny. We just need to learn how to communicate with our future self.

Jason Shelfer: 1:27

That's so big. I've got a blog series about becoming the person who gets the things that I've defined and identified as what I want in life.

Jana Shelfer: 1:35

Yes. Yes. So check out Jason's blog. A little promo there. So let me just give you the 401 on inspiration, change, and transformation. We are inspired, our souls are inspired by either pain or pleasure. Pleasure. That's psychology right there, pain or pleasure. So in life, we go through this catalytic moment. Now that catalytic moment can be caused by either shock, opportunity, or growth. For example, some people might have a car accident or they might go through bankruptcy or they might have a death in the family. That causes change. That is a shock, catalytic moment of change. Some people go through opportunity. It may be a job opportunity. It may be an opportunity to move to a new town.

Jason Shelfer: 2:40

Maybe a promotion, a relationship, just anything like that.

Jana Shelfer: 2:43

A new relationship. Those are opportunity changes. The other change that you might experience is growth. The number one example is when the caterpillar says, I can no longer be a caterpillar. It doesn't know why it's going through this change. It just is. Jason and I went through this together, and we find that people usually around 38 years old, between ages 38 and 55, start going through this change in life where it's almost an awakening to what their true destiny is.

Jason Shelfer: 3:21

Yeah, it's a it's an open, it's an awakening to a new thought process, a new, and I think a lot of it comes from finding a they hear the question that unlocks the answer. So a lot of times we're just looking for an answer and we don't ask the right question. So that question or the answer stays hidden. And sometimes you get to that new opportunity of saying, well, what is what might be the new question?

Jana Shelfer: 3:49

Yeah, for us, we were asking ourselves, now what? And that was not the right question. The right better questions will bring better answers. And this is where it is so pivotal to have either a mentor, a friend, a coach, somebody who has walked the path before you to kind of take you under their wing and help you along because we face fear, doubt, and uncertainty, which causes us to get in our heads with limiting beliefs.

Jason Shelfer: 4:22

And also gets us in our heads about what does the world expect from us or what does my neighbor expect from us? What does God expect? What are my parents expecting?

Jana Shelfer: 4:30

What does our spouse expect from us? These are the questions that that keep us paralyzed or stuck where we are.

Jason Shelfer: 4:40

100%.

Jana Shelfer: 4:41

Okay, so let me just give you the 401 and the overview of how this works because seriously, I am so inspired today. I'm going to come up with a series for couples so that they can work their ways through this. You have this catalytic change. Once you go through this catalytic change for Duane and Christina, they sold their business, they left their church community, they started closing doors. They didn't really know why they were doing it. They just felt, they felt the change from within and they started doing these things. Now, when you're in this moment, there's five stages that you may go through. There's denial, there's anger, there's bargaining, there's depression, and then there's finally acceptance. Dwayne and Christina are at the acceptance point where they're like, okay, let's start creating. Then we go into what I call phase two. Phase two is the dreaming and scheming phase. This is where you will start thinking of ideas. You'll meet people. People will come in your path, they'll be doing things, and you literally have the conversation. We could do that. Well, it's it's that could be our future.

Jason Shelfer: 6:00

It's like you see these little glimmers of inspiration in kind of that feeling and that wonderment of what if I leaned into this? What if I leaned into that? Which opens up a new pathway to really identifying and saying, what is next? Like what are the things that I want to build and I want to create? And what is the the how do I see my beingness five years down the road, three years down the road?

Jana Shelfer: 6:26

This is the first step of becoming the butterfly. Now, what makes it a little more complicated in a marriage is there is a she becoming, there is a he becoming, there is an us becoming.

Jason Shelfer: 6:42

Yeah, so big. And so and and it's challenging.

Jana Shelfer: 6:45

It there are there are potholes that we have learned to navigate and face together. And if I can share this information to help others, I will feel like I am doing my destiny.

Jason Shelfer: 6:59

Yeah, I think one of the biggest potholes for me was being brutally honest and being very um pinpointed and articulate on what it is that I want for me.

Jana Shelfer: 7:12

There's five questions you have to answer. What do I want? Why do I want it? What do I need to do to get it? What do I need to let go of? And who? Who do I need to become? What is the energy that I need to embody? Those are the questions that we have found. That's the recipe. If you can work your way through those questions, not only as a he, a she, and an us, then all of a sudden you start getting clarity of which direction to go.

Jason Shelfer: 7:41

And I think one of the biggest things for us was understanding that I can completely get into all those questions, answer them just very honestly for myself.

Jana Shelfer: 7:56

Yes.

Jason Shelfer: 7:56

You know, and then let you answer yours for yourself, and then realize that the us part doesn't have to be a compromise.

Jana Shelfer: 8:05

Like it's meeting upward, which we've talked about many times.

Jason Shelfer: 8:08

I don't have to give up any part of the me that I want to be or the things that I want to create for myself, and you don't have to give up any part of that for yourself. We just have to start getting creative about what it is that's higher than that on both planes.

Jana Shelfer: 8:22

Okay, so this is phase two. It's called dreaming and scheming. Now, once you come to some sort of clarity, there's what's called phase three. Phase three is when you start throwing spaghetti at the wall. Let's try this. Let's try that. It's phase three is when you finally make the leap together. And you may try things that you are like, this is so outside my comfort zone. And that's the beauty of it. You literally start creating. Now, in this phase, there are so many, I want to call them obstacles, but that's probably not the right word.

Jason Shelfer: 9:01

Challenges. This is literally where maybe opportunities. The caterpillar has has already turned to the mush, you know, and the butterfly is forming, but still inside the chrysalis.

Jana Shelfer: 9:11

Yes.

Jason Shelfer: 9:11

So the caterpillar, the the the butterflies in the chrysalis, like wings are there, they're not strong. You know, so the the cat the butterfly has to learn to push against that chrysalis because that those are the challenges. That's the catapults. That's the butterfly's challenges.

Jana Shelfer: 9:28

And those challenges are what is building strength. Those are the reps that you're building so that you can soar the way God and the universe has planned for you all along. Yeah. Except there, there's it's scary in this phase. Okay, so phase three, you start throwing spaghetti to the wall. You start trying new things, you face these challenges.

Jason Shelfer: 9:53

You start throwing resources.

Jana Shelfer: 9:54

And this is where doubt and uncertainty start coming in. Oh, I'll do that. Because you're like, oh, maybe this wasn't what I meant. Maybe I miss and misheard God. Maybe I'm really not meant to be a comedian.

Jason Shelfer: 10:08

Maybe this was an I maybe this was an idea fart that I latched on to.

Jana Shelfer: 10:12

Yeah, and here I've told my partner, and now we're in it, and now I feel responsible. And there's all kinds of feelings that come up. There's guilt and there's shame, and there's, oh my God, what have I gotten us into? And there's all of these emotions that you go through. However, that's part of the process, that's part of the beauty. It's like the refining. And in phase three, I'm going to tell you, you will go back to phase two. Whenever anything gets hard, you will go back to phase two, which is dreaming and scheming. Like maybe I didn't quite understand the calling that I thought I heard so clearly. And you go back to phase two so that you can dream and scheme again because you're realizing what you don't want.

Jason Shelfer: 10:58

Yes. And so for me, I I oftentimes went all the way back to phase one where I had the denial, where I had the anger, I felt the depression. Yeah, like there were all these things. And then when I realized, okay, I might just be in part of my spiritual curriculum right now where I need to get more clear. Yes. Um, understand my why, and then say, you know what? I I already am all these things in my future self. I'm just, I have this scared or I have this intimidation of moving towards it.

Jana Shelfer: 11:29

Now, here's the thing. Jason's right. You may go back to square one, you may go to phase two, you may end up in phase three again, where you're trying new things and you're trying spaghetti. Putting yourself out there, you're playing full out. Each time you you go a little further in the discovery process. Now, when you finally hit phase four, that's not a shoe-in, but phase four is when things start to click. And success, you start seeing the outer world resemble that you've created. That you have seeing the evidence. You start seeing the results, you start seeing for me. I started winning. I started winning everything that I put my, it's like everything I touch is turning to gold. Uh, for Jason, money starts coming in, money starts following. Uh, for both of us, people want to be our friends, they want to be around us. We go to speaking engagements. I mean, they're just coming to us. Things are starting to click. Now, does that mean we have everything figured out?

unknown: 12:41

No.

Jason Shelfer: 12:42

Right. It's that it's a lot of times, though, you you think you'll you'll get this feeling of I'm start, I'm almost at my destination.

Jana Shelfer: 12:51

And here's the other thing to remember in phase four. It's not us because if we think of it as, oh, look what we've created, that's ego-based. Oh, yeah. This is God. Phase four is when you are becoming a vessel for what the universe wants. It's like a co-creation with God and the universe. And yes, it starts with what do I want? What do I, who do I need to become? What do I need to let go of? Those are the questions you start with, but eventually God starts working through you.

Jason Shelfer: 13:31

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer: 13:32

And that's when you start impacting the world. It's almost like the mission is so much bigger than you, and you have to do your part to allow the energy to flow through you.

Jason Shelfer: 13:46

Yeah, I think one of the big things is what you'll recognize and what keeps pushing you back into these other phases, yes, is you haven't been super honest with the self-reflection and the understanding when you ask yourself, what do I want? You kind of need to ask yourself, why do I want that? Like, is this an is this because of my ego? Is this because I want to prove something to someone or to myself?

Jana Shelfer: 14:12

When you start using words like prove or I have to or I should, that's ego driven. And that's not what where we want to create from. We want to create from the knowing and allowing and God. No, I didn't mean to cut you off, Jason. I just want to give a quick overview today, and then we're gonna wrap this up and we're gonna create a course for anyone who is in the same position as Christina and Dwayne. And I'm telling you, it I have so much that I want to share. Yeah, and I feel inspired because I I feel like this is really missing. So many people are creating for themselves, but they're not creating as a married couple.

Jason Shelfer: 14:55

Yeah, and I think that's so that's the ideal client for this is the married couple who's going through some type of change or who is looking for some type of change. But it can be for a family. So even if you're a single parent and you're trying to do something as a family together.

Speaker: 15:11

For your kids.

Jason Shelfer: 15:12

It's it's that co- it's it's the literal co-creation. It's you're creating with God, and then also you are creating with your family unit or your work unit.

Jana Shelfer: 15:20

Yes, because I know we've told the story many times, but when you're a horse, you can pull so much weight. When you're a thoroughbred horse, you can pull so much weight. But when you start training horses with another horse, all of a sudden they can pull four times the weight. And it's the same in a marriage. I can create my career, Jason can create his career, but when we come together and create a purpose, a mission together, we are unstoppable, especially when we connect with source. One last thing. Once you enter into phase four, this, when you really find something that clicks, this phase will last usually about. I mean, it varies. I don't want to give any rules here, but for most people, it lasts about 10 to 20 years. So if you look back in your life, you're gonna think, oh yeah, I've gone through this transformation process before, and I have reached the pinnacle. And that will give you confidence in the knowing that it will happen again. You just forgot what it was like to be two years old learning to walk. Right. You forgot what it was like to be five years old learning to read.

Jason Shelfer: 16:41

You forgot it was like that first day on your job that you've been at for the last 10 years.

Jana Shelfer: 16:45

Yes. Or and so and it becomes harder to transform the older we get because we're stuck. We're stuck in our old ways, our habits. We have been conditioned, we have been trained for what society wants.

Jason Shelfer: 16:59

Yeah, and I say that about being in the job that you've been at for the last 10 years. But if you're a salesperson like I was, I saw people come in and out and like every two years. And so what they've done is they've said, I'm a salesperson. So this is my this is the thing I want to be. And if you think about your length of a salesperson, just like Jana said, 10, 20 years, you know, and then you then you what you'll find is I'm always moving to the next thing, but I'm still a salesperson. And then you'll hit that point where it's like, I need the new iteration of myself.

Jana Shelfer: 17:33

And here's why it's so scary when you're in midlife, because you are starting to realize maybe unconsciously, maybe in your subconscious, you know this is probably the identity I'm going to die with.

Jason Shelfer: 17:47

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer: 17:47

So it becomes, I'm afraid to take that step. I don't want to do it wrong. I don't want to make a mistake, I want to show up perfectly the first time. There's all of these limiting beliefs.

Jason Shelfer: 17:59

I don't want the last 20 years of my life to be feel wasted.

Jana Shelfer: 18:03

And that's the other thing that I just I want to throw this out there. That when Jason and I were going through this, we had created such a great life at age 40 that it was so hard for me to say, Am I willing to let go of this and to bet on ourselves and create something new? How can we create something that's as good as we've already got? I'm telling you. And the minute that you take that leap of faith, that leap of knowing God, God is with you. That is when you that is when you connect with source. Now, in it, you you are gonna question yourself, and there's fear, there's doubt, there's uncertainty. And those are the lessons of your spiritual curriculum that Jason keeps saying. Thank you for listening.

Jason Shelfer: 19:03

Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer: 19:04

Bye bye.

Speaker: 19:07

If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com