When Jokes Hide Worry: Learning To Share Before It’s Too Late

The Humor Shield: When Jokes Mask Fear and How to Find Real Calm

Ever crack jokes when you’re actually terrified? In this episode of Living Lucky®, Jason and Jana Banana use a routine medical procedure to explore the thin line between humor as a bridge and humor as a defense. Learn to identify the "Transference Trap"—dumping unvoiced fears onto loved ones—and discover how to navigate uncertainty with mindset mastery and personal development.

Stop the "not-enough" loop and reclaim your agency during high-stakes moments.

In this episode, you will learn to:

• Identify Coping Signals: Spot when humor shifts from helpful to defensive.
• "Clean as You Go": Why sharing fears in small doses prevents emotional avalanches.
• Beat Anxious Predictions: Bridge the gap between fear and excellent reality.

Nuggets:

• Humor vs. Intimacy: Laughter is a tool, but clarity starts where the joke ends. (Believe in yourself).
• Avoid the Transference Trap: Stop "dumping" worry to ease your own pressure. (Believe in the people around you).
• Prepare, Don't Panic: Set a decision cutoff and stop tinkering with the plan. (Believe in your circumstances).
• Naming is Taming: Defining your fear reduces its power. Don’t wait for a crisis to speak your truth. (Believe in a higher power).

Self-help, mindset shift, life coaching, positive thinking, handle uncertainty.

Why do I use humor when I'm stressed? Humor is a defense mechanism that lowers cortisol and provides a sense of control. However, it can block honest connection if used to deflect vulnerability. Recognizing "jokester mode" allows for more authentic, proactive communication.

How can I better handle uncertainty? Implement "micro-structures": read instructions once, set a hard decision cutoff, and define "good enough" early. Practice "cleaning as you go" by expressing gratitude and fears in daily doses to lower the collective temperature.

Stop hiding behind the punchline. Hit play to unmask your peace and start Living Lucky® today!

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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Tone: Living Lucky
• 0:19 Colonoscopy Prep And Dread
• 1:40 To Know Or Not To Know
• 2:52 Humor As A Defense Mechanism
• 4:05 The IV Blowout And Escalating Anxiety
• 6:10 Transferring Worry To Loved Ones
• 7:40 Share Early, Reduce The Burden
• 9:45 Over-Preparing And The Unknown
• 11:00 Not-Enough Thoughts Versus Reality
• 11:37 Excellent Results And Key Takeaways
• 12:18 Gratitude, Openness, And Closing

Transcript

Jana Shelfer: 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®. Good morning! I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®. You are too. Jason had a colonoscopy yesterday. All poop. Oh. What a procedure. You would think they would have an easier way to do these tests.

Jason Shelfer: 0:32

Well, this is a very new technology. They haven't done this uh for very oh wait, I'm wrong.

Jana Shelfer: 0:37

You're wrong.

Jason Shelfer: 0:38

They've done this for a long time. And the same nasty stuff you gotta drink.

Jana Shelfer: 0:42

And it's not even the procedure itself, it's the lead up. It's the 48 hours beforehand. And then also it's torture.

Jason Shelfer: 0:49

One of those things is do I like if if it's bad news, do I want to know? Or do I continue going on with my life the way I've been going on with my life?

Jana Shelfer: 0:57

Which is where I live. Like, I'm not doing that, I'm a paraplegic, that would just be a nightmare.

Jason Shelfer: 1:02

Yeah, well, the prep for you would be a nightmare too.

Jana Shelfer: 1:04

That's what I'm saying.

Jason Shelfer: 1:06

But the end result is like, do I I I I kind of want to know if I have polyps, if I have colon cancer, like if there's any signs of something bad happening, because then we can attack it right away.

Jana Shelfer: 1:18

That it's being proactive.

Jason Shelfer: 1:19

Yeah. But that prep is bad. Okay.

Jana Shelfer: 1:23

So I'm I'm keeping this classy. You can thank me later as you're listening to this. I would take it in. We're not even gonna let Jason talk about it.

Jason Shelfer: 1:31

I would put it in a toilet.

Jana Shelfer: 1:32

Where I want to go is this is the second surgery that Jason has had this year, 2026.

Jason Shelfer: 1:38

And we're only in February.

Jana Shelfer: 1:40

We are only in February. What I have noticed about you is that when you are on that operating table and they are getting ready to give you the anesthesia.

Jason Shelfer: 1:52

Anesthesia. Yes. Yeah, the propofol.

Jana Shelfer: 1:54

And they're giving the instructions, and usually they let me come back and sit with you. I'm not sure why. I guess it's just because you're my security blanket. You go into jokester mode. Have you noticed that?

Jason Shelfer: 2:08

I have. It was so apparent yesterday. So apparent. I was like, why? Why can't I be serious? Why can't I every little thing that comes out of someone's mouth is making me like I'm I'm just throwing that joke after joke, like yes, it's like being around Robin Williams.

Jana Shelfer: 2:28

You know how sometimes when you're not because when you're around Robin Williams, you'd be like, come on, can we just turn it down for a second?

Jason Shelfer: 2:34

It would be like being um Jim Jim Carrey and Dumb and Dumber, where everything is a joke or everything is.

Jana Shelfer: 2:40

You know, more like Beavis and Butthead.

Jason Shelfer: 2:41

There you go. Ah nailed it. And I felt like I like when I know it's happening, but my because subconsciously I'm so nervous and I have all this anxiety.

Jana Shelfer: 2:51

Do you think it's nerves? Is it your way of dealing with nerves?

Jason Shelfer: 2:54

It is so much my day of way of dealing with difficult, with nerves. Um, and it kind of goes into So it's a defense mechanism. It is a defense, and it's also a default mechanism because what I've told myself is life isn't that serious, and my conscious and my subconscious are telling me it's serious, it's time to turn this up. Time to turn up your funny, time to turn up your jokey jokey.

Jana Shelfer: 3:17

Isn't that interesting?

Jason Shelfer: 3:18

And and I was I was kind of upset by it though.

Jana Shelfer: 3:22

Like, because I know it on it was too much. When I was I was back there and I'm like, you know what, Jason, I'm trying to give you a courtesy laugh here and there just because I know what it's like when I throw out a joke and everyone's like stone faced. So, but it felt like it sometimes you would throw out two jokes in a sentence.

Jason Shelfer: 3:42

Well, it was it was really weird, and it's so my awareness was keen awareness.

Jana Shelfer: 3:47

My awareness was up.

Jason Shelfer: 3:49

So your awareness was probably up.

Jana Shelfer: 3:51

Um I noticed it the last surgery you had too.

Jason Shelfer: 3:54

But when your awareness on the inside is so far up, and you can't stop it. Yes, like the first thing that happened was I was getting my IV in my hand and a freaking vein blew. Oh yeah.

Jana Shelfer: 4:06

So there was blood everywhere.

Jason Shelfer: 4:07

It shot out everywhere, like it was like one of those weird um reality TV movies or shows where something crazy happens and you're like, they fake like you can tell they fake that. But I was like, the my hands swole up on the top. That is right, like a big golf ball. And then when he pulled the needle out, it spurted blood everywhere.

Jana Shelfer: 4:26

I know, because then when I came in, the anesthesiologist says, Oh, you know what, nurse, can you wipe his hands?

Jason Shelfer: 4:35

Clean up some of this blood.

Jana Shelfer: 4:36

He she didn't say blood. She goes, Can we wipe some of this? He's got some on his hand. And then I looked at Jason and I was like, What's on your hand? And you go, I had a blowout.

Jason Shelfer: 4:46

So I thought I'd crap the crap my hand.

Jana Shelfer: 4:50

I thought you crapped your pits because for the 24 hours prior to this, you had been like running to the toilet. I hope I don't grab my pants.

Jason Shelfer: 4:58

Hope I don't have a blowout. Well, and also, so I didn't know necessarily that that a blowout meant that they blew out a vein. And I don't and also I didn't know what that meant. So now I've I've now increased my anxiety more because I've got fantastic veins in my hand. I've got like every time I've ever given blood, every time I've had an IV, then all the nurses say you have to be. And I'm like, go ahead and bring in someone that's practicing.

Jana Shelfer: 5:27

Wait till they see your penis. Right?

Jason Shelfer: 5:30

All those the main veins.

Jana Shelfer: 5:32

Okay, so were you in stomach mode?

Jason Shelfer: 5:35

Well, that sent my anxiety level up more. So then to calm myself was more jokes. No, because I committed-cause they made a comment about the blood on my finger all over my hand being a henna tattoo, you know, like what where did that come from?

Jana Shelfer: 5:48

Right, and I thought it was diarrhea, and I'm like, that is definitely not funny right now. And as she's taking alcohol wipes and wiping your hands, and and literally, like when you said it's a henna tattoo, and I'm looking at what's coming off on the alcohol wipe, and you told me you had a blowout, I'm thinking, oh, I'm a little embarrassed for you. And then the jokes just kept pouring in more.

Jason Shelfer: 6:12

At that point, the dam was down and everything was coming out, like all the jokes-wise.

Jana Shelfer: 6:18

We're talking jokes-wise.

Jason Shelfer: 6:19

Because A, I value laughter and I value fun in life. And I felt like on the on the other side of the dam, I felt like all my fun and all everything was going away because I was filling it with anxiety, fear, worry. And I I knew this, but I didn't know what is the what is the outlet because time is running out. Yes. I'm about to be put under. I don't now I'm I'm less sure about what's gonna happen. What what do I go from here? And I I wasn't able to articulate in the moment, and I didn't want to articulate that I had fear, I had anxiety, I had worry, you know.

Jana Shelfer: 6:58

I I'm just so grateful that we are having this awareness moment because so many times when I get nervous or I have some sort of anxiety, I start cleaning.

Jason Shelfer: 7:09

I start procrastinating what I'm supposed to be doing. You're cleaning too, because you better be worried like me. And that needs to be your way of dealing with it.

Jana Shelfer: 7:16

Yeah, it's so true. And then I'm like, why aren't you cleaning with me? Why don't you feel the same?

Jason Shelfer: 7:22

Yesterday I was like, why isn't Jana making jokes? Is she scared of the deadpan faces? Why the hell isn't she with me right now? Why doesn't she feel what I'm feeling?

Jana Shelfer: 7:33

I then as I'm in there, I'm trying to bridge the gap. And I'm, you know, my social intelligence, I'm reading what the anesthesiologist is thinking. She's kind of like, Oh, yeah, we I tried to say, Oh, you know what, he's a jokester, and she goes, We've already come to that conclusion. We get it.

Jason Shelfer: 7:51

Yeah like we didn't buy tickets for this, we'd like to just exit the show right now. But also, I realized that I kind of turned into my mom, like in in that instance, because the right before I I went under, or right before they took me out of the room, I I turned to you and I say, If anything happens to me.

Jana Shelfer: 8:10

I know. Why did you do that?

Jason Shelfer: 8:12

It's really weird. First of all, I want you to know how much I love you and how much I've really enjoyed life, and it's it's okay.

Jana Shelfer: 8:20

But you turned it into like a I transferred my worry to death moment. I know. So then I there's So now the next hour you're Yes, they're like, you need to exit and go enter the lobby now.

Jason Shelfer: 8:31

I need to be there.

Jana Shelfer: 8:32

And I'm like, oh my god, you just told me and I didn't know if I should, you know, kiss you, hold your hand, and like, okay, well, can you give me the passwords?

Jason Shelfer: 8:41

I'm sorry.

Jana Shelfer: 8:42

The computer?

Jason Shelfer: 8:43

Like every time my mom would go fly anywhere, she'd be like, if anything happens, all this is in the safe. This is the combination. I was like, that you have a safe deposit box here. I'm like, oh my God. Now the whole time you're gone, every every time you get on the plane, or while you're gone, I'm like, is somebody gonna kidnap you, or is the plane gonna go down? So it's a transference mechanism. It is and it it will to ease the pressure on myself.

Jana Shelfer: 9:05

However, it it is a heavy burden then for the people who are around you in that location.

Jason Shelfer: 9:14

And that I think kind of brings in that question of how do we share? Like, what are the like and also should we share regularly so that there's an openness and um availability of that communication?

Jana Shelfer: 9:27

Cleaning out your colon.

Jason Shelfer: 9:29

Yeah, instead of dumping all at once, we can clean it out as we go. We can clean as we go, we can tell people every day how much they mean to us and not hold hold that back, like not just let it be one of those habituations.

Jana Shelfer: 9:42

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer: 9:42

And then it's gonna take away some of that worry and anxiety, and also it will give you that that availability of sharing that worry and anxiety right up front. Like um before I even started the prep. Like we talked about, I mean, you you were keenly aware of my worry because I was like, I know they said don't start till five, but I I feel like I need to start.

Jana Shelfer: 10:05

Yeah, you were like over there at noon opening up the box.

Jason Shelfer: 10:10

I feel like I should start right now.

Jana Shelfer: 10:13

We read the directions 48 hours in advance. He's like, you gotta read these out loud to me. So I read every single direction to you out loud. Even the ones that didn't apply on the same page.

Jason Shelfer: 10:26

Yeah. And then so, and still I have this now, still I'm building this worry bank in my subconscious and in my conscious. And so now the day before comes up, and we're supposed to start at 5 p.m. I want to start at noon, compromise, start at three o'clock, and then I start telling myself I don't have enough time. I don't have enough time. It's not gonna, I'm not gonna get through all the things that need to get through.

Jana Shelfer: 10:48

You did, you were telling yourself you're not procedure. You're not at the clear level.

Jason Shelfer: 10:53

Right.

Jana Shelfer: 10:53

You're not clear enough.

Jason Shelfer: 10:54

I would have never been convinced I was at the clear level. I don't think.

Jana Shelfer: 10:57

Okay. I'm before this gets gross, I'm just gonna apply this to everyone's life because many times when we do start stepping into an unknown experience, we often go to the thoughts that were not enough.

Jason Shelfer: 11:16

Yeah, that's that's where I was living. And so even when I got to the doctor's office, they were asking me questions about the clarity of what's running through my system. I wasn't able to answer because I didn't know what their definition of clarity was and and all this. And then the report came back excellent across everything.

Jana Shelfer: 11:36

Yay. We're gonna end it on that. Thank you for sharing your experience. Thank you for sharing your emotions because fear, worry, anxiety.

Jason Shelfer: 11:44

We all deal with ourselves.

Jana Shelfer: 11:46

And so many times people don't talk about it. And if we can if we can maybe navigate those better every single time we experience it, we learn maybe solutions.

Jason Shelfer: 12:00

And I think when we have these conversations, it gives me a different level of footing or or platform to to recognize how how might I just lean into being more fully open.

unknown: 12:13

I love it.

Jana Shelfer: 12:14

Thanks for joining us.

Jason Shelfer: 12:15

Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer: 12:16

Bye-bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com.