The Goal-Setting Trap: Why You Must Choose the Feeling Before the Result

Stop Chasing Results: The "Feeling-First" Strategy for Living Lucky®

Most people climb the mountain of success only to realize they’ve reached the wrong peak. In this high-impact episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, Jason and Jana Banana reveal the "missing ingredient" in most personal developmentstrategies: Intentional Emotion.

If you’ve ever hit a goal and felt strangely empty, or found yourself stuck in a "doom loop" of negative self-talk, this conversation is your reset button. We deconstruct the hidden internal dialogue that triggers "Halt Production" mode and share practical mindset tools to help you take back agency over your day.

In This Episode:

• Master the "Radio Knob" Tool: Why turning up the volume on uncomfortable emotions like fear or rejection actually helps them pass faster.
• Identify the "Behind-the-Curtain" Voice: How to catch the internal director that sabotages your momentum before it hijacks your choices.
• Shift from Results to Resonance: Why starting with a feeling—not a goal—ensures you never climb the wrong mountain.
• Dance with Fear and Courage: How to move forward without waiting for fear to vanish.

Nuggets:

• Luck is a Pattern, Not a Lottery: "Living Lucky" is an inner stance. When you wake up expecting the universe to conspire in your favor, you filter for opportunity. (Believe in your circumstances)
• Be it to See it: Want a better relationship or better health? Act like the person who already has it. If you feel healthy, you do healthy. (Believe in yourself)
• Microphone for the Soul: Suppression is a lie; expression is a release. Give your soul the stage and watch the "monsters" shrink. (Believe in a higher power)
• The "Better It Gets" Principle: When you manage the feeling first, the results become a self-fulfilling prophecy. (Believe in the people around you)

Stop "losing" weight and start "finding" health. Stop "chasing" success and start "attracting" it. Hit play to upgrade your positive thinking and start Living Lucky® today!

Personal development, self-help, mindset coaching, goal setting, emotional regulation, Living Lucky. How to manage negative self-talk, why goal settin

Transcript

Welcome To Living Lucky

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®. Good morning. I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:18

You are too.

Jana Shelfer 0:19

I gotta feel it.

Defining Lucky As A Daily Choice

Jason Shelfer 0:22

That tonight's gonna be a lucky night. Oh yeah.

Jana Shelfer 0:27

What does lucky mean to you?

Jason Shelfer 0:29

You know, every day I wake up and I feel like I'm the luckiest person on the planet. Ditto. It just feels like things are gonna go my way. The universe is conspiring in my favor.

Jana Shelfer 0:38

I feel that too. And I will say, whenever I do have a moment where I catch myself because we are all human. And if I do have that humanly moment where I think anything differently, I catch myself immediately. I have trained myself to catch myself. Even in my my talk, like sometimes uh I know, was it yesterday?

Catching The Hidden Inner Dialogue

Jason Shelfer 1:05

Same. Yeah. I think I caught myself going, uh well, even in the internal, like I have the internal dialogue all the time. We all do. And sometimes I just let it run rampant. Like I will, because I can't stop it. I'm pretty good about catching my well, I will let it run rampant because I'm not necessarily paying attention to it.

Jana Shelfer 1:24

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 1:25

But then I will I'll be like, hey, what is that noise in my head? And then I will hear it and I'll be like, hey, what are you saying in there? It's really weird. Like, don't think I'm crazy.

Jana Shelfer 1:36

I already do.

Jason Shelfer 1:39

But sometimes, because most of the time it's very positive. It's like, okay, what is the next exciting thing? Like, what are we working on here? And there's a because I always had this underlying current feeling of, and you know this, because I feel like I'm a public a walking publics commercial. Like, I was awesome, like next awesome thing. But there will be this voice sometimes that goes, Man, what are you doing? What did you do here? Like, like I'll have that. It hits me on that.

Jana Shelfer 2:05

Yes and no, because then there's times though, when I'll say something and it does trigger you. Yeah. Funny. And I think, now why did I?

Jason Shelfer 2:17

Why did that hit him so hard?

Jana Shelfer 2:18

I can tell from your facial reaction. And so then I why does he feel rejected? And I get curious. Yeah. And and you say, Well, how do you think that sounded? And I I think I think that sounded very objective.

Jason Shelfer 2:33

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 2:35

And then when you when you that's what I'm talking about. It's it's go ahead and tell me. No, that sounded like you were being nitpicky.

Jason Shelfer 2:42

Critical, nitpicky, because that's when I'm like, okay, there has been this back of the curtain voice that I haven't been paying attention to. Yes. And I need to start being aware of what's happening back there because I do, I always feel this I'm the luckiest person on the planet, which influences the actions I'm taking and the way I'm maneuvering through life, which gets me these great results. However, when something brings up something that might be whispered behind the curtain, it brings this louder, booming director cut that says, halt production, shut it down. What's going on here?

Jana Shelfer 3:25

Okay, so think about this. If that's going on in those halt production times, think if we got rid of that.

Jason Shelfer 3:33

I know, just shut it down completely.

Jana Shelfer 3:35

Shut it down completely.

Jason Shelfer 3:36

And I think that's where it is.

Jana Shelfer 3:38

You would go to even higher levels.

The Secret Is Managing Feelings

Jason Shelfer 3:40

And I think that's where this whole just what is the how can I sit in that stillness a little bit longer and turn that dial to everything that I really just want. Get that static out completely.

Jana Shelfer 3:55

So here's a secret, everyone that's listening. And this is gonna put you miles ahead of everyone that's not listening. It's all about the feeling. It is all about managing your feelings. And when you realize this in life, you will be so far ahead of the curve. Yeah, and because we have agency over our feelings. And I know that some people are like, but I'm gonna be authentic and real and I'm gonna live in my feelings. However, we control our feelings. It's almost like it's almost like uh breaking a wild horse.

Jason Shelfer 4:38

Yeah, and one of the things that you said to me a long time ago was it's not about ignoring any feeling. Yeah, like we need to ignore a feeling. We need to honor all of it because we don't stop a feeling. Like when when I get that rejected or or get that feeling of hurt, don't just shut it down, don't ignore it. No, honor it because that's telling me what to look for, but don't live in it. Now I need to say, okay, what's going on here? Where did it come from? How do I want to feel?

Jana Shelfer 5:12

Okay, and that's where most people have a hard time communicating with their soul.

Jason Shelfer 5:18

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 5:19

Is exactly what you just said. I mean, it's so much easier said than done to say, okay, so how can I how can I communicate with this feeling?

Jason Shelfer 5:30

Well, what I used to do is slam the door on it.

Jana Shelfer 5:33

And what I have found, it's almost the opposite. It's almost pretend you had have like a radio. And Martha Beck taught me this, and I feel like it helped me so much. But pretend that you are a radio and your emotions are the knobs on the radio. And when you have an emotion that is not serving you so well, yeah, but it's it's saying, I'm in here, I'm in me.

Jason Shelfer 6:02

Yeah, right.

Jana Shelfer 6:02

Listen to me. Instead of turning it down, like you just said, instead of shutting the door on it or trying to turn it down so that we can't hear it, turn it way up. Because the if you turn it way up, just say I hear you, then then all of a sudden it's like you're saying, Okay, I'm gonna give you the microphone. I'm gonna give you the spotlight.

Jason Shelfer 6:24

Let it out.

Jana Shelfer 6:25

Let it out. What do you have to say? And as soon as you give it the spotlight and say, the stage is yours, what is it? Everyone is listening now. Then all of a sudden it goes, oh.

Jason Shelfer 6:38

I got nothing to say.

Jana Shelfer 6:39

Yeah. What I what I really liked it was when everyone was shoving me down and then I had something to complain about.

Jason Shelfer 6:47

Right. I don't like it when everything's perfect. I don't want everything I asked for.

Jana Shelfer 6:53

When you were shoving me down, then I felt dismissed and uh and disrespected. But now that you've given me the stage, oh, okay, great.

Jason Shelfer 7:01

Right.

Jana Shelfer 7:01

Thank you for being here.

Jason Shelfer 7:02

It allows itself to pass through. Yes.

Dancing With Fear And Courage

Jana Shelfer 7:05

And then all of a sudden, it's like, okay, now you've got peace from within. And it's so weird how that happens. But it all starts with the feelings and how we feel will it's science. Your feelings will resonate with other feelings, and that's how we attract what we experience in life.

Jason Shelfer 7:28

One of the other little tools that you gave me was when we signed up for ballroom dancing, is we can dance with some of these feelings, like fear and courage.

Jana Shelfer 7:36

I feel like you gave us that tool.

Jason Shelfer 7:39

Well, it's a it's one of those things where it's like, you're like, what if so I was scared to death of which by the way, we're starting our dance, I know this week, Friday. So you said I was scared to death of dancing, but I was also scared to death of getting on camera and and doing anything in front of the camera in public speaking.

Jana Shelfer 7:59

And look at you now.

Jason Shelfer 8:01

Look at me now. This is how I make my living.

Jana Shelfer 8:03

And not only are you say you were scared, but I talked to your speech teacher growing up, and she said, I always knew he would eventually do this for a living.

Jason Shelfer 8:11

And I almost failed speech. Like I got a D.

Jana Shelfer 8:15

So it's I don't know why she had to make it so hard on you.

unknown 8:18

Right?

Jana Shelfer 8:18

She could have pulled you aside.

Jason Shelfer 8:20

Sometimes the the best things in life are aren't easy, right? So the um, but dancing, sometimes we it's you you can walk into something and be fearful.

Jana Shelfer 8:30

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 8:31

And you just say, What do I want to choose in this? I want to choose courage.

Jana Shelfer 8:36

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 8:37

So now we just dance with those two. So it's I don't have to, I can turn the fear up and say, What is this? But then I can also say, Let's turn the courage up and turn the fear down a little bit and let's just dance and see what this feels like here.

Jana Shelfer 8:51

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 8:52

So it's both of those at the same time. And if we go into experiences saying, What do I want to feel here?

Jana Shelfer 9:01

That's really it.

Goals Without The Feeling Fall Flat

Jason Shelfer 9:03

Then we get to just allow that experience to unfold in itself instead of chasing something and not being fulfilled at the end.

Jana Shelfer 9:11

No, I feel like every peak performance coach that I've ever worked with, they want to start with the result. What is the goal? What is the goal, Janet? Let's set a goal.

Jason Shelfer 9:23

Then we'll work backwards from there.

Jana Shelfer 9:25

And then we'll work backwards from there. We'll chunk it down. That's what they always say. However, I feel that you and I, we start with a feeling and an intention.

Jason Shelfer 9:36

I feel like, and for me, I think a lot of times the reason that we start with that is because so many times we've seen people set the goal, and what they've done is they started, they've climbed the wrong mountain. You know, we can we can set this very big lofty goal and then get to the end of this big lofty goal, and yeah, it was great, but it didn't satisfy that feeling. And the reason it didn't satisfy that feeling is because we didn't identify the feeling we were after.

Jana Shelfer 10:06

Yeah. And if we don't say this is what I want to feel, I think sometimes there's a disconnect in what we think we want and what our soul really wants.

Jason Shelfer 10:18

Yes. So if we can identify what we want to feel, yeah, then we can start kind of allowing that feeling to lead us and guide us, and then we will we'll always find it. It will find us.

Jana Shelfer 10:32

Yeah.

Feeling Attractive And Feeling Healthy

Jason Shelfer 10:32

It's crazy. And it might not be as high of a mountain, it might be a long, straight walkway.

Jana Shelfer 10:41

You know, it's funny because so many times people have come to us and said, I'm looking for a a boyfriend or I'm looking for a mate. And we always say, Okay, what is it that you're looking for? Let's put it on paper. And what do you want to feel right now? Uh be those things. Exactly.

Jason Shelfer 11:02

Feel those things, feel those things.

Jana Shelfer 11:04

Be those things, feel those things, and you are going to attract that person.

Jason Shelfer 11:09

Yeah, it's like when it's it's when you when you feel good, you do good. When you do good, you get good results. So when you feel attractive, yeah, you act attractive, it's so good, and you get attractive results.

Jana Shelfer 11:24

It's kind of like losing uh losing weight. I mean, it's almost like you have to start by feeling skinny, which when you're at your fattest and you don't fit in any of your clothes, and you're like, oh my god, my double chin.

Jason Shelfer 11:38

Feeling healthy, right? Yeah, because if I if I'm if I'm trying to lose weight, then I feel like I'm losing something, quote unquote losing something. So now I want to quote unquote treat myself, yeah, which I usually treat myself poorly.

Jana Shelfer 11:53

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's such a psychological mind mess.

Jason Shelfer 11:57

But if I feel healthy, then I say, What would how would a healthy person act?

Jana Shelfer 12:02

Act. It's so true.

Jason Shelfer 12:03

So if I feel healthy, I do healthy, and then I get healthy results, which is what?

Jana Shelfer 12:08

And when I think about a healthy person, I literally go back to my seventh grade self. And my seventh grade self would come home from school and would have so much energy that she would get up and go outside and like hit balls off of the garage.

Jason Shelfer 12:25

Grab an apple for a snack, right?

Jana Shelfer 12:27

Like my seventh grade self would put on these short shorts and like go go for a run just for fun.

Jason Shelfer 12:34

Yeah, I'm gonna go around the box.

The Better It Gets Principle

Jana Shelfer 12:35

Oh my gosh, right? Yeah, so I'm like, be your seventh grade self. Uh okay, so if you have been listening today, our whole point this is the secret of life. This is the secret of life.

Jason Shelfer 12:48

It starts with a feeling, and what you'll realize is the better it gets, the better it gets.

Jana Shelfer 12:56

A feeling and an intention, and I'm telling you, you will live lucky every single day, every single moment of your life.

Jason Shelfer 13:05

Thanks for joining us. Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer 13:08

Bye bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com.