The Midnight Terror and the Gift It Brought

The greatest drain on your daily energy isn't the hardship in front of you—it is the exhausting, friction-filled battle you wage against reality.

Most ambitious high-performers live in a state of chronic, unexamined resistance. When an unexpected obstacle, a corporate shift, a physical limitation, or a painful personal season lands in their lap, their default biological reflex is to thrash against the constraints. They act like a newly adopted dog tied to a moving wagon with a short rope—spending massive reserves of energy barking, pulling, and complaining about the path. But fighting the rope doesn't stop the wagon; it simply guarantees you arrive at the destination exhausted, bruised, and spiritually bankrupt.

In this deeply moving, unscripted episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, Jana and Jason dissect the ancient Stoic philosophy of amor fati—the radical art of not just tolerating your fate, but actively loving it. Fresh off reading a children’s book (The Dog Who Follows Gladly) that brought them both to tears, they translate philosophical acceptance into a real-time, late-night emergency with their beloved senior dog, Tater. Facing a frightening 2 A.M. episode of whimpering, disorientation, and physical panic, they pull back the curtain on aging, grief, and why you can never truly coach yourself through your own blind spots while standing in the middle of the storm.

Inside:

• The Preposition Shift: How changing one word in your internal narrative—moving from "this happened to me" to "this happened for me"—instantly unlocks spatial capacity and agency.
• The Umbrella Coaching Paradox: Why even elite mindset coaches cannot see their own blind spots, and why an umbrella can never keep the rain off itself without an external hand.
• Tater's 2 A.M. Midnight Audit: Navigating the raw, terrifying boundary between extending a life for your own comfort versus shortening it for theirs during a senior pet emergency.
• Aging Gracefully vs. Loving Out Loud: The stark contrast between human cosmetic insecurity and how dogs gracefully accept their physical decay while meeting every single day with unbridled joy.

Stop burning your highest-value fuel fighting the circumstances you cannot change. If you are ready to stop dragging against the wagon, embrace the beauty of your current timeline, and learn how to love out loud through every season of life, hit play now.

Listen to the audio, watch the official video broadcast, subscribe, and start loving your fate today.

NUGGETS

• Amor fati is not passive surrender—it is active execution. Loving your fate means accepting cold reality as the exact raw material required to build your next breakthrough.
• Resistance is a massive liquidation of your potential. The energy you spend complaining about the "rope" you are tied to is the exact fuel needed to navigate the terrain.
• You cannot coach yourself through your own storm. Just as an umbrella cannot keep the rain off itself, you need an objective partner or coach to spot the blind spots you are neurologically blind to.
• The story you tell drives the feeling you live. The cold facts of a situation never change, but altering the perspective angle instantly alters your nervous system's response.
• Dogs are the ultimate masters of presence. While humans waste mental bandwidth obsessing over physical decay and past regrets, dogs accept their parameters and love out loud until the very end.
  
  

Questions:

What is the definition and origin of the Stoic concept amor fati? Amor fati is a Latin phrase translating to "love of fate." Rooted in ancient Stoic philosophy and popularized by Friedrich Nietzsche, it describes a mindset where an individual doesn't merely tolerate or resign themselves to adverse events, but enthusiastically embraces every circumstance—including suffering and loss—as necessary, purposeful, and useful fuel for personal growth.

How does shifting from "happened to me" to "happened for me" change human psychology? Shifting the preposition from "to" to "for" alters an individual's cognitive locus of control. The narrative "this happened to me" frames the person as a helpless victim of external circumstances, triggering defense mechanisms and emotional exhaustion. Conversely, "this happened for me" engages the Reticular Activating System (RAS) to search for hidden lessons, growth opportunities, and actionable value within the adversity.

Why is it difficult for individuals to coach themselves through their own emotional crises? Individuals struggle to coach themselves due to emotional immersion and subconscious blind spots. When submerged in a high-stakes crisis, the brain prioritizes threat detection over executive analysis, obscuring objective reasoning. Much like an umbrella cannot shelter its own handle from falling rain, a person requires an external coach or partner to provide neutral perspective and spot distorted thinking patterns.

• The Children's Book Tears: Reading The Dog Who Follows Gladly in studio Jana kicks off the recording fighting back tears after reading a children's story on Stoicism. Learn why simple metaphors bypass complex adult defense mechanisms faster than traditional self-help.
• Amor Fati & Radical Gratitude: Translating Latin philosophy into real-world resilience Unpacking Jana's TED Talk journey on radical gratitude. Discover the exact cognitive evolution required to move from basic survival to actively loving the hardest chapters of your story.
• The Preposition Pivot: Shifting from "Happened to me" to "Happened for me" Jason breaks down the exact linguistic framework that alters your focus parameters. Learn how viewing present friction through a creation lens exposes hidden opportunities and relationships.
• Fighting the Wagon Rope: The biological cost of complaining about your constraints Analyzing the rancher's dog tied to a moving wagon. Discover the massive, contagious energy tax paid by professionals who waste their daily capacity fighting circumstances they cannot control.
• The Umbrella Metaphor: Why elite mindset coaches still need an objective eye Jason tracks why high-performers cannot spot their own internal blind spots. Learn why an umbrella can't keep the rain off itself and why self-coaching during a crisis is a mathematical fallacy.
• Tater's Midnight Emergency: Facing the terrifying 2 A.M. senior dog panic Jana and Jason detail a harrowing night of whimpering, shaking, and disorientation with their 15-year-old dog. Discover the raw, unscripted emotion of navigating potential end-of-life decisions.
• Loving Out Loud: The trunk-of-the-car test and living with unbridled presence Wrapping up with a comedic, heartwarming look at unconditional dog energy. Learn how adopting a dog's capacity to "love out loud" creates an undeniable Living Lucky® ecosystem.
• amor fati stoicism personal growth tools
• radical gratitude framework for hard times
• dealing with senior pet end of life anxiety
• shifting perspective from happened to me to for me
• why do high achievers need mindset coaches
• how to love your fate during difficult seasons
• how to deal with blind spots in personal development
• pet owner grief and senior dog care mindset
• stoic lessons on aging gracefully and acceptance
• emotional cost of fighting circumstances in business
• how to practice radical gratitude after adversity

Make sure you check out the blog that accompanies this podcast at https://www.startlivinglucky.com/blog/the-midnight-terror-and-the-gift-it-brought-amor-fati-amp-loving-out-loud-s11-e12

stoic philosophy, amor fati framework, radical gratitude, senior dog care mindset, friction vs acceptance, emotional energy tax, objective coaching parameters, presence tools, the four-minute formula, living lucky, Jason Shelfer, Jana Shelfer

Transcript

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A Rainy Cold Open

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Dog followed gladly. I was grateful that he would soon get to feel the rain on his face. It's a good look.

Jason Shelfer 0:09

Ready to do a podcast.

Jana Shelfer 0:10

I've got the sniffles. Woo! If you've ever loved a dog, this is the podcast for you. I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are living lucky.

Jason Shelfer 0:38

You are too.

Why This Book Hits So Hard

Jana Shelfer 0:39

You probably noticed that I am crying because I just read this book. It's called The Dog Who Follows Gladly. And really, if you boil down the message, it is a stoicism message of a term called amorfadi.

Jason Shelfer 0:58

Amor fotty.

Jana Shelfer 0:59

Am I even pronouncing that correctly?

Jason Shelfer 1:01

Well, we don't like saying very Latin.

Jana Shelfer 1:04

I don't like saying amorphay. Give me some more fatty. That's right.

Jason Shelfer 1:10

I can relate to that one.

Jana Shelfer 1:12

The concept itself is learning to love your fate.

Jason Shelfer 1:17

Yeah. Love your circumstances. Love the journey.

Jana Shelfer 1:20

And it it really speaks to me because I did a TED talk about radical gratitude. And I really didn't know what I was trying to say at the time because that's where I was in the journey. I just I knew that my soul needed to speak. And so I was telling my story and I was trying to boil it down into a message for the audience. I just wasn't there yet. And I kept saying, just be grateful for your life and be grateful for adversity.

Jason Shelfer 1:53

Well, I know at the time what you were going through was you were looking back over history and you were saying, Would I change anything? Yes. And what what are the like could I be grateful for the crappiest things? Like all the things that I was saying were the worst parts of my life.

Jana Shelfer 2:12

Right. And then what's all in how we remember it though.

Jason Shelfer 2:16

And then what came out of like what were the gifts from the worst things that ever happened to me? Like or how and we were defining it as happened to me. And then once we got through that

Radical Gratitude And New Lenses

Jason Shelfer 2:28

re-examination of the past and said, these things happened to me, and we found the gifts in that journey, then we decided, you know what? Things are happening for preposition from two to four.

Jana Shelfer 2:45

And when you do that, your life starts, it's almost like putting a little spin on the truth. It's seeing a different perspective. It's still the truth. It's just you're now spinning it. You're in a different part of the clock.

Jason Shelfer 3:02

So the perspective angle is what I think we all talk about here in Living Lucky, is it's just a different lens to view life. So if we can view our past through this different lens and it's a new empowerment lens, then we get to view the future and the present through a different lens.

Jana Shelfer 3:23

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 3:23

And if we're viewing the present in this different lens, then we see new opportunities, new friendships, new relationships, new availability. Like all the all the things that are here and available right now instead of closing ourselves off to what's here. And it's crazy. And I think this in the book, The Dog Who Follows Gladly, when we have that positivity and that, hey, you know what? We don't get we don't have to change the way we feel about something just because the story we're telling ourselves about it. Or change the story, change the feeling.

The Leash Metaphor For Life

Jana Shelfer 3:58

The story is about a dog who gets adopted by a rancher, and the rancher immediately puts the dog on a short-length rope tied to the wagon, and they have to make the trek back to the house. And he immediately starts complaining. Well, the the new dog. Fighting against the rope. He's like, I don't, I don't want to be back here. I'm angry about this. Don't try to tie me up. Don't blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Nobody puts me on a leash. And really what they're saying is circumstances happen in life.

Jason Shelfer 4:29

We're tied to a job, we're tied to a career a family, we're tied to situations.

Jana Shelfer 4:36

We fight it tied to fear. The energy that it takes to fight against those circumstances.

Jason Shelfer 4:44

Oh man.

Jana Shelfer 4:45

Is massive. Not only is it massive, and it's compounded, but it puts us, it's compounding, it it's contagious to our friends, our family. It puts us in a lower vibration, a lower vibration of disgust, of desperation, dissent. Yes. It's almost we're not incongruent with the highest version of ourselves. We're in congruent with the lowest version of ourselves.

Jason Shelfer 5:13

And it's exacerbating. It builds on the ball.

Jana Shelfer 5:16

We've all been there.

Jason Shelfer 5:17

Yes. And we and I I I would say that we still go there. So even as we get into the newness of things, until we truly embrace this idea that the journey is what it is. Yes. And it's beautiful, it's wonderful, it's it's everything it's supposed to be, which is so it's it's really easy to say. Yes. And we we talk about that's because we're not perfect, but when you're whoa whoa, speak for yourself.

Why You Cannot Coach Yourself

Jason Shelfer 5:48

Right. Like one of one of the things I was I was talking about because I was talking to someone about our our journey from worst to first. Okay. In the in this in this water skiing competition. Yes. And we were talking about how you're a great mindset coach. Thank you. I'm a great mindset coach.

Jana Shelfer 6:05

You're a little better, I think. Well, I was I implement it. I find ways to actually implement what I learn. You find ways to teach others how to do it. Well, what I was what I was I like to keep it secret, to be honest.

Jason Shelfer 6:19

The discussion we were having was is you could have done this worst of first journey with coming in last place in a competition and going to world championship on your own. Oh no. It would have taken a longer time because a person coaching themselves, like you it's hard to do. An umbrella can't keep the rein off itself. And that this is the metaphor that came in my in my brain was you can't coach yourself through the moment when you're in it.

Jana Shelfer 6:52

Oh, that's so true.

Jason Shelfer 6:53

So so like the literally, I've tried.

Jana Shelfer 6:56

The reason I know Jason is such a good coach is because I've uh I've I've been such a good client.

Jason Shelfer 7:03

Did I? Because when I can I don't see my own blind spots, but I'm I have you can see mine all the time helping me out.

Jana Shelfer 7:11

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 7:11

Right?

Jana Shelfer 7:12

I mean we just now I can see my own blind spots in you.

Jason Shelfer 7:17

Right.

Jana Shelfer 7:18

I'm like, oh, that must be a blind. Oh, that's what he was talking.

Jason Shelfer 7:20

That's what he was talking to me about yesterday. Because he it happens for him.

Jana Shelfer 7:23

I better change and but here's the thing to change, it's better to change yourself. Don't try to change your part.

Jason Shelfer 7:31

Right?

Jana Shelfer 7:31

Yeah, that's the secret thing.

Jason Shelfer 7:32

And this is the different beauty for this for the dogs here, because the older dog, yes, I'm sure had this, had a mentor just like he is for the younger dog right now.

Jana Shelfer 7:42

Yes. You know, because it's a great book.

Tater’s Terrifying Night At Home

Jana Shelfer 7:45

The reason we're talking about this today is because last night we had a situation.

Jason Shelfer 7:50

Did we?

Jana Shelfer 7:51

If you've been following us, you know that we have the love of our lives.

Jason Shelfer 7:56

Tater.

Jana Shelfer 7:57

Tater, who is our child. She is our grandma.

Jason Shelfer 8:03

I get it wrong all the time.

Jana Shelfer 8:04

But she is part of us. Tater has just been in our lives from the time she was a baby. She chose us. We actually went to the dog place to get a different dog named Clark. And Tater came jumping in our lap saying, But look at me, look at me, look at me. And then she jumped in the pool. I'm like, Oh, she's adorable.

Jason Shelfer 8:27

Let's take that dirty wet dog.

Jana Shelfer 8:29

We brought her home, and for the first couple years, she kept us on our toes.

Jason Shelfer 8:32

Yep.

Jana Shelfer 8:33

She jumped in the retention pond over and over and over. And yeah, but then we'd have to throw her in the pool to clean because I'm like, I gotta get to work.

Jason Shelfer 8:43

Kept getting those skin rashes from the stuff in the retention pond.

Jana Shelfer 8:47

She would chew our socks, my yoga pants. Uh she was just I would come home and my books would be chewed up. She loved it. Pages would be stuck to her nose. And I'd be like, Oh, who's been eating the book? Who's been eating the book? Could it be you?

Jason Shelfer 9:05

She'd look around like, I don't know. But she'd have a paper in her hair, in her on her nose.

Jana Shelfer 9:10

So last night I came home from a late meeting, and I already was dealing with my own stuff.

Jason Shelfer 9:20

Right.

Jana Shelfer 9:20

And all of a sudden, Tater started wincing.

Jason Shelfer 9:25

And whimpering, wincing, shaking, like she was in a massive thunderstorm.

Jana Shelfer 9:30

Super heavy, and we couldn't figure out what was happening, and then she went out into the living room.

Jason Shelfer 9:36

She started She ran to me, which is awkward.

Jana Shelfer 9:40

Well, she ran to both of us at different times. Well, she went to you first. And she was like, fix it, and I couldn't fix it. So then she ran to you, and when she was running to you, she just started running into furniture and different things in the house.

Jason Shelfer 9:56

And then she would get really close to like the wall, and then she would wince, like she would scream and then wince away from it, which was scary. And then she's like, I need to get outside. I need to get outside. Like she had this like the desire to get outside to quote unquote like feel like she was getting away from the pain. I was like, I don't understand.

Jana Shelfer 10:16

I was like, I think she was having some sort of pain.

Jason Shelfer 10:20

Yeah, it's it it sounded like pain.

Jana Shelfer 10:22

Anyway, I started crying because I don't want to see her in pain, and her in pain makes me be in pain, and which I was already in pain anyway. And she's old, and so I think both of us kind of in our heads went to that.

Jason Shelfer 10:38

This is it. This is tonight. Let's call them. Emergency clinic.

Jana Shelfer 10:44

And 11 o'clock. If you've ever loved a dog, you know that that's just a moment that you you know is inevitable. And you're just so grateful for all of the wonderful years and all the joy that they've that they brought you, but it's a it's a sadness and a pain that is really deep for me.

Jason Shelfer 11:10

Yeah, and it's one of those moments where it's it's the choice of making sure that you don't extend something for you.

Jana Shelfer 11:21

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 11:22

And you also don't shorten something for them for them.

Jana Shelfer 11:26

Yes, they always say, Oh, you'll know when the time is. Well, Jace and I both thought it's the time. No.

Jason Shelfer 11:33

I've made a decision before, though, on a dog, and it felt like after it I shortened something for the dog when it seemed like I was helping the dog. And I don't want to make that mistake again.

Jana Shelfer 11:47

So we decided to lay in bed and just cuddle all three of us. So all three of us laid in bed and cuddled, and of course, I was a crying mess. And then after several hours, she fell asleep, and we just decided, okay, we've got one more night to just kind of enjoy each other and it looks like see if the rain clears. Yes, and then this morning, it all seemed to be okay.

Jason Shelfer 12:18

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 12:19

Better. So I'm not sure what happened, and I do feel like it's foreshadowing what's to come. However, we made it through the night, and it just made us start being so grateful for our dog this morning because, you know, at one point in the night you said, I think she just lost her eyesight.

Jason Shelfer 12:41

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 12:41

And of course, when you when you lose something, it is very fearful and scary, and and there's panic, and there's And it's been slowly going.

Jason Shelfer 12:51

And the vet said it's going, and I felt like it's very possible that she lost complete, like it went completely dark in her left eye. It's that's very important.

Jana Shelfer 13:00

I also feel like she might have been in some pain somehow, and I don't know It sounded like what or where, but she kept kind of breaking out and some wincing, and I'm I'm not sure where that was coming from. Anyway, she handled it like a champ, though. As soon as we laid in bed and started cuddling, you know, she still was she still was crying and she still was in a panicky place, but she was handling it well. And dogs just do that, they accept their fate, you know, they age gracefully.

Aging And Learning To Accept

Jana Shelfer 13:37

Whereas I haven't been doing that very well. I've been looking in the mirror even this morning when I was putting on my makeup. I'm like, oh my god, these lines, you know, and I start looking at my hair, this turkey neck, right? And my belly, I'm like, oh, these hormones, and then the doctor gives me more home hormones, and my belly starts extending even more. Let me just point out all my flaws.

Jason Shelfer 14:01

Don't give me any radishes because I don't know what that does to blow me up.

Jana Shelfer 14:05

Yeah, and all of a sudden, you know, I'm at a place in life where I start noticing inflammation. Like that's a word I never notice. Inflammation when your bones start to hurt. Inflammation. Fibromyalgia. Oh God, let's all go there. However, we're talking about a more fotty it's learning to love your fate and realizing that life isn't happening to you, it is happening for you because we have the freedom of how we want to feel about everything that's happening.

Love Like A Dog And Closing

Jason Shelfer 14:47

Dogs, just the way they love. Like and this is the experience that I'm having. Like that and we've had with our dogs. Tater loves us so much. And she is so happy all the time. She has these moments.

Jana Shelfer 15:02

I mean, she plays full out.

Jason Shelfer 15:04

She does.

Jana Shelfer 15:05

She loves out loud.

Jason Shelfer 15:07

When I hear that joke about you want to see who loves you more, lock your wife in the trunk of the car and lock your dog in the trunk of the car when you open it up, see who's happy to see you. Like that joke makes me laugh so much because I'm like, I know Tater will be like, hey, it's far to gone.

Jana Shelfer 15:23

She loves us so much that when we leave the house, and we've gotten to where we only leave the house for maybe one to three hours at the most without somebody coming to stay here. Yeah. Otherwise, we have a we have two, three dog sitters on speed dial that we say, can you go sit with Tater? So she's never alone. However, when we leave the house for even dance lessons, we will come home and she will be sitting in the window just waiting for us.

Jason Shelfer 15:54

She's excited to see us.

Jana Shelfer 15:55

And she's so excited. She's, you know, wagging that tail as soon as we drive into the driveway. She waits until we pass.

Jason Shelfer 16:04

Make sure it's us.

Jana Shelfer 16:05

And we drive into the driveway. As soon as we drive into the driveway, then she jumps down and she comes running to the door.

Jason Shelfer 16:10

Smeets us at the door. So happy.

Jana Shelfer 16:13

I want to love like a dog.

Jason Shelfer 16:15

Amor fadi.

Jana Shelfer 16:16

Amor fadi. Learning to love your destination.

Jason Shelfer 16:20

I think if you translate it directly from Latin to English, I know amor is love because I've been taking Duolingo.

Jana Shelfer 16:31

Amor Fadi. It's a stoicism philosophy, and we have adopted it here at Living Lucky. Thanks for joining us.

Jason Shelfer 16:40

Keep living lucky. We'll see you next time.

Jana Shelfer 16:42

The old dog went to sleep on his wool blanket one evening and didn't wake up again. But the valley kept on being the ballet. Just as it always had. The rancher laid the old dog to rest there near a spot where he had loved to run. Several springs later, when the young dog wasn't so young anymore, the rancher called him out into the yard. Oh god, my makeup.

Jason Shelfer 17:08

I'm sorry. I'm not, I get it.

Jana Shelfer 17:12

Pull yourself together.

Jason Shelfer 17:13

Every time she reads the book.