The Secret Pain of Every Man – And How to Heal It | Jason Wilson

In this powerful episode of The Rise Up Kings Podcast, Jason Wilson sits down with Skylar Lewis to dive deep into the hidden struggles every man faces and reveal the key to true strength, healing, and emotional freedom.

From fatherhood to faith, masculinity to vulnerability, this conversation will challenge everything you thought you knew about being a man.

🔹 The silent battles men fight daily
🔹 Why emotional suppression leads to failure in life & relationships
🔹 How to break free and step into true power

This isn’t just a conversation—it’s a wake-up call.

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Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:03:14
Unknown
All right, Jason, welcome to the show. So, Skyler, what's up?

00:00:03:14 - 00:00:26:03
Unknown
My brother from another mother. Clearly. And I'm glad my wife is off camera. As you can see, it's not just me. He's. It's a good thing when we're talking about details. It shifted things that we start, things that were going for it. Everything's in order. It's in order. I'm not crazy. We talk about something called radical order at,

00:00:26:06 - 00:00:50:08
Unknown
At our events like this. Learning to live a ordered life. You know, we feel like it's pretty. Pretty important. But, man, I'm so excited. So excited to have you on this. I've but shared your videos so many times. I love watching this. Really, the video, but the spirit that's really in the video, the spirit of of helping men and boys step into freedom and and stepping into, really more.

00:00:50:08 - 00:01:14:16
Unknown
Yeah, emotional, emotional freedom and emotional. Health. And so I'd love to start out with asking, so you've built an incredible organization. You help, a lot of boys, you're doing, just your ministry work is is this. It's. I'm in awe. I'd love to hear. How did it start? And what is it like? What is the cave of Adam?

00:01:14:18 - 00:01:32:18
Unknown
And, yeah. So for those that are listening, you won't be able to see it, but you'll be able to hear, like, what are you doing over there? So I guess I will go with how it started. It actually, a nonprofit is called The Union and the Cave of Adam falls up underneath. The union's ministry is one of its ministries for males and with young boys and men.

00:01:32:18 - 00:02:10:22
Unknown
Okay. It started as a record label. I used to be a music producer, for pretty much since I was 18 years old, producing a secular hip hop. My desire was to one day become a platinum hip hop producer. And, but, the most has, otherwise. And once I surrendered my life to Christ in 1997, he gave me a vision to start, a movement called the Union, where we unite Christians around the world where we could come together and shine a light so bright that his love would be undeniable in the world.

00:02:10:25 - 00:02:32:28
Unknown
And, we started as a Christian hip hop label, produced, seven albums, I believe and, got a, first distribution deal on the call. I believe it was in 2004, for the first all female hip hop album. It was a Christian album called the. Her project, which her was an acronym for Healing and Evangelism Through Rhymes.

00:02:33:22 - 00:03:04:13
Unknown
And so, what was interesting, Skyla was, after the music stopped, we saw the kids still had the same issues. They still had to go home into environments that were filled with trauma, emotional wounds, loss. And so that's when, my wife, thankfully, you know, answered the call on her life with the one of her many calls was to undergo the Ministry of the union, and we went after a nonprofit status.

00:03:04:15 - 00:03:28:17
Unknown
And after that, the rest is history. And, was, I guess, the greatest, I guess, a testimony of God's timing. And in trusting him, we got our first grant after my boss. I was a facilities manager at a, charter school, and I had a security contract that was, for after school, you know, to monitor the kids.

00:03:28:19 - 00:03:48:21
Unknown
And I got word that one of my security guards was in post. And so I'm a man of integrity. I often just wanted to give the contract back because I know I couldn't secure the school that bothered this man. And as a result, he took additional money out of my check. Well, I didn't get upset. Nicole was livid.

00:03:49:02 - 00:04:10:04
Unknown
She says they didn't treat you like that. You're not that. You don't deserve that. I said don't worry about it. It'll be fine. Do you know the very next day I'm telling a friend of mine's bathroom near his kitchen floor. Nicole calls me screaming. We receive a grant. From the government that we had gotten denied for on a Saturday.

00:04:10:07 - 00:04:29:28
Unknown
And that Monday, I was able to put my two weeks notice, and it was just about answering that, not only answering the call, but he wanted to see if I would just allow him to be God. Like the Scripture says, be still and know that he is God. In that moment when I was being mistreated, I chose to be still because I knew that he had me.

00:04:29:28 - 00:04:50:19
Unknown
I knew that he was God. And from there, you know, we, my wife and I, although he gave me the vision, I like to say, you know, I have a hold. The title was founder, but I feel like uneasy because I know the role that she's played in getting our nonprofits where it is today. We reached over 17,000 youth since 2003.

00:04:50:19 - 00:05:14:23
Unknown
Wow. And we celebrated our 20th anniversary last year. And, we're really, impacting the kingdom. And we're shining a light where not too many of us will go. And so that's what really makes our ministry special. And so that's where I came, where it came from, where it is today in the cave of Adam was birthed in 2007.

00:05:14:23 - 00:05:43:05
Unknown
I started working on it in 2008. We launched the first pilot, and it came from my longing, for my father. I wanted, to always have a man and even a martial arts sensei, a teacher or a coach who I can have an allegiance with. Someone who could challenge me but not condemn me. Someone who, would be patient with me and understand my fears instead of dismissing them as weakness and strengthen me to become the man I am today.

00:05:43:05 - 00:06:05:26
Unknown
I didn't meet that one man. I had many coaches, but I had to become what I longed for. And that's what birthed the Cave of Adam. And so what you see and what you feel comes from this heart that Christ gave me to be this shepherd. So many sheep who are wandering astray. And so I give those boys and even the fathers what I long to receive.

00:06:05:26 - 00:06:28:18
Unknown
And, that's why it's authentic. And so the Cave of Woodland historically is where David ran from Saul, King Saul, who was trying to kill them. And, the history tells us that 400 men came to David in that cave who were in debt, distressed and discontented. And but when they exit that cave, they became. But they were they were mighty men of valor.

00:06:28:20 - 00:06:50:07
Unknown
And so I pause there. I wanted to study a little more, even though it's not a lot of information. But I found it intriguing that when you let me and gather were in that mental and emotional state, come together, sharpen each other. It had to be spiritually introspectively because they were already warriors. David already had defeated the Philistines.

00:06:50:09 - 00:07:10:19
Unknown
They already knew how to fight. It wasn't that what took place that these men who were in such a low state came out of that cave? And so upon further studying, this wasn't just a random cave. It actually means justice of the people. This was a cave where men would run to to have the presence of God around them.

00:07:10:21 - 00:07:32:26
Unknown
And so. Well, when I saw that, I said, yeah, that's what this is a cave over there. Now, boys who are spiritually in that, mentally distressed or emotionally, discontent did gather here and become comprehensive men. And that's where it came from. Yeah, that's an incredible story. Well, you're I think your story plays such a big part into what in your the heart behind it.

00:07:33:03 - 00:07:57:07
Unknown
Right. If you wouldn't have had that experience, then it would look completely different and you would be on a whole different journey. However, your heart is, disconnected with the pain of these boys and these men. And so you have, some people, they look down on their, previous challenges or they don't even they don't even pull the power and the strength that's available to them.

00:07:57:09 - 00:08:16:26
Unknown
Or there's so much power, power available in our past. There's power in our past. There's there's purpose in our pain. Absolutely. There really is. And so, like, you've created, you've helped heal a lot of people with God working through you. So what what exactly? So what exactly are you doing? What do you what are you doing there?

00:08:16:26 - 00:08:37:23
Unknown
Like, what's your intentionality? Right? What what's what's your outcome? What are you doing? And what's your outcome? So good question. My, my my goal is always be led by the Holy Spirit. Yeah. I've learned over time I can have my lesson plans, but the scriptures say his plans are not our plans. Yeah, his ways are not his way.

00:08:37:27 - 00:08:56:23
Unknown
His thoughts and our thoughts. His ways are not our ways. The Scripture says, commit your plans onto him and he will establish them. And what I've learned is that it's wise to have a structure and a plan. But you have to be pliable for the Holy Spirit to move you. So all of those viral moments wasn't written in the plan.

00:08:56:25 - 00:09:26:14
Unknown
That was his way of reaching them. That was his curriculum. And so, my goal, of course, is to help these young men resolve the trauma, to become, of course, mentally astute, spiritually strong enough physically conscious to navigate through the pressures of this world without succumbing to the challenges that they face. But at the end, goal is, of course, to get them to have a real relationship with you.

00:09:26:14 - 00:09:50:10
Unknown
Sure. A Mashiach or Jesus the Messiah. That process looks different every class. And, unlike many of our churches, which I had to learn as well, for many past, it was just like as soon as you see the order of service, it's almost like we tell the Holy Spirit, we want you to come, but you got to fall in line with this schedule because we have to be going by this time.

00:09:50:12 - 00:10:13:16
Unknown
And we need pastors such as us to say, I have this announcement. So praise and worship can't linger over. And so the cave. I'm real careful with making sure. That's why I don't want to be called sensei. I chose the name Sharath, which means servant in Hebrew. I have to surrender to whatever he chooses to say. At some classes there are no martial arts.

00:10:13:16 - 00:10:38:07
Unknown
There is no judo, no jiu jitsu, Muay Thai, nothing but talking and praying because that's at the moment what those boys need. And I guess the whole thing is, at the end of the day, as is his will be done. You know, Skyler, it's it looks different every class. Really. So you're doing. So what I'm noticing is you're doing right and you've had some videos kind of go viral, right?

00:10:38:10 - 00:11:02:28
Unknown
I mean, even your profiles have gone viral, which is amazing. And so God's doing something he wants you to he's he's elevating you. He's elevated you on a platform. Yes. Right. He's put you on a light on the hill. Right. For absolutely. For a reason. Like there's there's goodness in this. And so what I'm seeing you do is you're allowing the environment and the exercises to bring out, to expose so specifically.

00:11:02:28 - 00:11:28:01
Unknown
You're right. So I guess I wind up a little bit spiritually. Yeah. So far as the curriculum. Yeah, I love it, I love it. The exposure, because that's where our events. Yeah, our intentionality is exposure. We want to create the space and allow the Holy Spirit to come up to expose what is underneath the surface, whether it be lack of integrity or emotional, volatility or, pain and trauma.

00:11:28:01 - 00:11:42:24
Unknown
Like we want we want that to start to come out and it's and it's really neat. It starts to surface. Yeah. When you put the right pressure on a man or a woman, it starts to squeeze up and it starts to surface, come to the surface, whatever needs to come to the surface. I feel like that's the Holy Spirit too.

00:11:42:25 - 00:12:01:10
Unknown
You know what's interesting? That's what we use martial arts for. Just say, judo, for instance. The first. That's the first thing they learn is how to fall so that you can rise. The scriptures teach us that the righteous man for seven times. So he's, righteous man fall seven times, yet still arise. Yeah. And so we teach them how to get comfortable with falling.

00:12:01:10 - 00:12:20:29
Unknown
But it's amazing during that process of teaching them how to fall, we start experiencing their fear of it. And it comes to the surface very fast. And we dig deeper, like, where did this fear come from? What happened when you failed in life? What happened when you made a mistake? Well, my father curse me or my mother didn't talk to me.

00:12:20:29 - 00:12:40:16
Unknown
And so those moments in their life shaped them. And so what we do, we go back by the power of just understanding what has happened, being led by the Holy Spirit to help them heal those moments in their life that have shaped them. Even at at an eight year old, the stages, like even being eight years old, he's shaped by that trauma.

00:12:40:19 - 00:13:01:19
Unknown
And so to be able to help them in that moment process in real time, what's happening? It cultivates a man of the Most High in the future who can process in real time without ruining a moment where he needs to be tender with his wife, like you were just sharing when we had lunch. He won't miss that moment by being hyper masculine in when he needs to be compassionate.

00:13:01:19 - 00:13:23:19
Unknown
Yeah, Another example is jujitsu. We teach him never let the wrong person get your back. And what happens when they take your back? You know, you end up in, rear naked choke or whatever. And what happens? How do you counter this pressure once you've allowed the Scripture talks about never letting Satan get a, a foothold, it can turn into a stranglehold.

00:13:23:21 - 00:13:46:22
Unknown
So what happens then? And so now we have this pressure that anxious men break down, crying of childhood memories and that and being bullied just from feeling someone coming behind them. And they're losing control. And so that's why I love martial arts. Because you can't hide is going to come out. If you're good at grappling. You may not like a fist coming at your face.

00:13:46:24 - 00:14:07:05
Unknown
If you're good at boxing, you may not like getting thrown 20 times in a row back to back. Are you relaxed and calm enough to take this throw and receive the ground? Were you pliable so that you can rise again? That you're not hardened by a layer of past experience of failure? That now when you hit the ground, it feels like you're breaking?

00:14:07:08 - 00:14:28:24
Unknown
And so it's a powerful, I guess, tool to use for men because, again, we can teach them. But like, I like what you're doing here is experiential, where you get to experience, what they went through and then what life is like once they get healed from it. Yeah. What do you what's your what's your intent? So you're allowing the Holy Spirit to bring up whatever needs to be brought up, right?

00:14:28:24 - 00:14:55:05
Unknown
You know, to expose whatever needs to get exposed. What what for a man. Right. So I'm thinking about because you work with men and boys inside the space. And so a majority boys. But the fathers are. They're watching. And so because they have broken boys inside. Yeah. It comes out in conversations happen. Yeah. We believe from our experience, we believe there's always there's always there's a, there's always a small boy inside of every man.

00:14:55:08 - 00:15:12:27
Unknown
Right. And so if that boy is healed, then he has an opportunity to live a healed and mature life. But if that boy is still, like you said, broken or hurt or if that's if there's a if there's a sad, injured boy that's gone through trauma that hasn't properly healed, that will show up through a grown man, right?

00:15:12:27 - 00:15:33:23
Unknown
That it will. That little boy will live as that grown. The grown man will live as that boy. So he'll flip out with anger, right? He'll move into emotional roller coasters and depressions and highs and lows. And you really see these, these volatile or just ineffective man, there's so many ineffective men. Yet at the core of it, so many times it's a it's an injured boy.

00:15:33:27 - 00:15:53:06
Unknown
It's a hurt little boy that that didn't get what he needed as a kid, whether it be a connection, a hug from his mother. Right. Hey, I love you, son. From his dad. Whatever it may be. There's a there's an injured boy. And so the more we can dive in. Which is why, like, this stuff gets exposed, the more we can dive in and heal that inner child.

00:15:53:16 - 00:16:13:06
Unknown
It truly shifts our future as as as men and as women. So, like, this work is, is so really critical. Absolutely. Yeah. Even with, you know, a couple of fathers, you know, they're pleading with me to have a cable for for men only. You know what you're doing with my son. You know, Jason, I need it bad, you know.

00:16:13:06 - 00:16:32:18
Unknown
And so when I mentioned I was entertaining this idea of doing it, one of the fathers teared up right in front of me. So I sit here every class praying for that. And so men want to break free. We're tired of living under the world's definition of what it means to be a man. And typically that just means being a provider and protector.

00:16:32:20 - 00:16:59:22
Unknown
And unfortunately, we proudly say, all things through Christ who strengthens me. But if you're only masculine, you can't be a nurturer. You can't be compassionate, longsuffering, and patient. So what I mean by that I'm looking at your face to express like what do you mean by that mask? Talk about masculinity. So we've misconstrued that one word as a comprehensive definition of what it means to be a man.

00:16:59:25 - 00:17:28:09
Unknown
It's not, masculinity itself. The word literally means attributes because, traditionally ascribed to men is boldness, strength, and aggression. So what I've discovered is that that Christ exude mask and attributes. Absolutely. He was the lion and he's going to come back as a lion, but he was also the lamb. He was compassionate, longsuffering, patient, merciful. And so those characteristics are often missed in the average man's life.

00:17:28:09 - 00:17:55:01
Unknown
And this is why we basically hold like suffering in silence as a call to honor like his, some strength that you don't say anything to anyone. I'm strong, I, I'm stoic and and nothing gets to me. But yet you're struggling with pornography. You're addicted to drugs. You're not a pleasant man to be around. And when a man only adopts a masculine mindset, he can't be all things to Christ.

00:17:55:02 - 00:18:17:08
Unknown
Like Francis, I don't know the story about your mother, but when my mother, was stricken with dementia, I had to be more than the protector and the provider. I had to learn how to be compassionate. I had to learn how to be patient. Long suffering. Had to learn how to exude tenderness. Combing a hair, massaging her scalp, fouling her nails.

00:18:17:10 - 00:18:40:16
Unknown
I wasn't raised that way. I was the complete opposite. But God told me clearly says, if you're going to care for your mother the way she needs it, you're going to have to become a comprehensive man. So that's not only being courageous, but it's also being compassionate. It's not only being strong, it's being also being sensitive. It means living freely from the good in our hearts, because we know that there's wickedness there as well.

00:18:40:19 - 00:19:06:27
Unknown
But when you live freely from the good in your heart, you don't care about how you'll be perceived anymore. And that's what I see is missing from a lot of, men's ministries. Yeah. They all go through trainings and seem like they have it together. And after about 2 to 3 months, they reset right back to that mentality because they haven't allowed themselves to truly be authentic in the nature, which I know from the scriptures.

00:19:07:00 - 00:19:29:25
Unknown
God created us to be. So you can't say I'm feminine because I'm a nurturer like David. And when you look at the words masculine and feminine, those are man made. We look at the scriptures. It's about being human. Christ exuded his humanity as well as his divinity. And that's what we're missing as men and warriors of Yahweh, which is short for Yahweh or Yahushua.

00:19:29:27 - 00:19:55:26
Unknown
And and that's what I feel. He's called me to preach a message of liberation. That will, I believe, will close. We're getting there. But men now, from all walks of life that I talked to, are tired of the facade. Even the Christian mask. Oh yeah. You know, and so it's, it's just time for us to embrace our humanity.

00:19:56:07 - 00:20:20:28
Unknown
My wife, I tell you, I became a different man. When I pray to be broken by God. And he used my mother as that, that tool to break this hardened man away so that Christ, who is tender as well as tough, so that tenderness now can come through. I was always tough. I was strong, you know. My brothers were some dangerous men in my city.

00:20:21:00 - 00:20:45:11
Unknown
I knew what it was like. I'm from Detroit. I know what it's like to be tough and strong. But what I was missing was the comprehensive nature of Christ. And that's what truly evolved me into the man that I am today. Those viral videos would not have happened if not for me. Modeling Christ meaning weeping openly when something grieves me.

00:20:45:11 - 00:21:10:24
Unknown
Here's a man crying through the streets of Jerusalem. A masculine male would never do that because to him, crying is weak. He's been programed from a boy. Big boys don't cry. But yet God designed tears to not only release water but also stress hormones. That's why we typically feel better after we cry. So now you have men who are holding all of this pain in, and then wonder why you snap at the slightest offense.

00:21:10:27 - 00:21:35:19
Unknown
You can't even be patient enough to hear your wife's issues when she's struggling like she's impervious to pain or stress, and you wonder why we die by suicide 3 to 4 times as likely as women. Why nine out of ten people who live to be over 100 are women? While we commit over 79% of homicides in the United States, and we still doing ministry just to.

00:21:35:19 - 00:21:58:22
Unknown
That's right. Now, those are stats from right now. Well, and so what is happening is that the hearts of men are not liberated. Yeah. Our minds we have more information than ever. Yeah. Why has it. Nothing changed in this country. You haven't seen comprehensive manhood. We've seen masculine manhood. We seen men where we just provide us feminized man.

00:21:58:28 - 00:22:19:05
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Feminine. Definitely. You got to be careful with that as well. Yeah. So you have extremes on both sides. Yes. Yep. But what Christ modeled was comprehensiveness, you know, and so that's what the cave of dilemma is. They see a man strong or men strong because I have assistants as well who teach, who can cry and teach and still be strong.

00:22:19:06 - 00:22:43:19
Unknown
Yeah. So when my students first saw me break this facade of this hardened exterior, when my mother had a stroke, it opened the gateway not only for them, but their fathers. Now the men who never showed any emotion. Yeah. And I, Jim, will pull me aside, said, man, I'm hurting. This happened. And so I, I believe he's just using me as, his hands and feet.

00:22:43:19 - 00:23:05:07
Unknown
And more importantly, if I can stay transparent, see, no one will be able to see the Christ in you as long as you wear a facade. Yeah. They can't see. They see you. They see you like. I love how you always give God the glory and everything. But most men, we wear this facade. And then we wonder why Christ isn't seen in our lives.

00:23:05:09 - 00:23:28:04
Unknown
Yeah, I think the fastest. What's interesting, what we've seen is the fastest way you talk about humanity, right? Hey. Masculine, feminine. How about just be human? Absolutely right. That's a beautiful a beautiful way to look at it. Right. And so I've I've found the fastest way to humanity is through vulnerability, is through confession is through it. In in a in a social setting by yourself, a whole different story.

00:23:28:04 - 00:23:49:19
Unknown
That's you and God. But vulnerability even with God. But in a, in a in a social setting. Right. Vaughn. Like what creates deep, intimate connection is either vulnerability or it's no, it's vulnerability. It's a confession or crying like you like you have a book called Cry Like a man, right? Man, it's an amazing I love it. And so it's but in our groups.

00:23:49:19 - 00:24:13:12
Unknown
Right. If if one guy breaks down and it's a powerful dude, like what's there's nothing more powerful than a strong man. Showings showing vulnerability there. True. Like it truly it'll move an entire like we have classes with 60 people. It'll move the entire room. When the hardest guy breaks down, it shifts the soul of, like, everyone in the room.

00:24:13:12 - 00:24:32:11
Unknown
So. So there's something there. Yet we we even even me, it's still challenging for me. I feel like I have a good emotional spectrum that I can, flow within. Most men can experience a couple emotions, right? Anger, fear. Right. But, yeah, they're not able to tap into all the full spectrum of emotions because they're locked.

00:24:32:11 - 00:24:34:11
Unknown
They're locked up like you talked about. They're harden they're

00:24:34:11 - 00:24:51:00
Unknown
we have access to all these emotions, but we only choose maybe 2 or 3. I compared to a box of crayons I saw in my book. The man. The moment demands you have the eight pack of crayons. Then if you were lucky enough. When I was a kid, if you had to 64, you would a man.

00:24:51:00 - 00:25:15:24
Unknown
Okay. And so the a box of crayons is typically the amount of emotions men will allow themselves to express. Probably only four of those crayons to your point. But when you go to the box of 64, those are the emotions, the vast emotions that God has given both man and woman. And then we wonder why communication is an issue in most marriages.

00:25:15:26 - 00:25:39:14
Unknown
Because if a woman is saying, I want Violet, all we have in our eight box is purple. Yeah, I want like a lime. All I have is green and yellow. And so that's the problem right there, is that you're only locked in this masculine mode. And here it is. You have another creation of God who is expressing more of his nature.

00:25:39:17 - 00:25:59:21
Unknown
But you've been programed and defined by this world to only be masculine. And that's one of the biggest issues me and Facebook, every time that I speak to men about this, they say, you know what, you're right. Because in my heart I want to be tender. But I recall a time when I was tender, I was taken advantage of.

00:25:59:22 - 00:26:25:12
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a there's a balance. I see the spectrum. Right. You have the hyper emotional man right on one side. And then you have the hardened hyper masculine man. There you go on the other. I kind of see that. And there's probably a better analogy tied into that. But so I see that spectrum. Right. There's certain I had a coaching client that I worked with and man, this guy was overly emotional, right?

00:26:25:17 - 00:26:48:09
Unknown
And it pulled me, yanked him all all over the place. Like if he was sad, it would have a sad day. If he was, it was he was just really unable to fully, live in any type of emotional stability. And then and then you have the, the very hyper masculine, I'll call it stoic, the very, very stoic guy who's like, I'm not showing anything.

00:26:48:11 - 00:27:07:22
Unknown
And what's interesting is stoicism from my perspective helps people actually produce more results, but it hinders relationships. That's good. I've noticed that. So like when I'm stoic, dude, I can go take all the pain you got, right? You give me everything and I'm still going to keep moving. And stoicism, I think, is totally necessary to learn at certain points.

00:27:07:24 - 00:27:28:02
Unknown
But there's a but you can go way too far. And then emotions are critical for relations ships. Right. So it's like if you want which is the the purpose of life is relationship with God, relationship with others. So if we don't learn how to tap into our emotions, we become maybe a high performer, but we're we're unfulfilled in life.

00:27:28:05 - 00:27:43:21
Unknown
So the private success or public failure. Yeah. No. Public success. Private field. Yep yep yep yep. Because they don't have those relationships. So how are you. What have you seen as an effective way to. Because you're doing both or you're trying to break the guy that the kid that learned how to be stoic. I'm going to be hard.

00:27:43:23 - 00:28:04:07
Unknown
But then you're also you're also supporting people. I watched on one of your videos where there's a very emotional guy. Right. And so let's talk let's talk about that. Okay? I mean, just last week in class, you know, I had one of my students who actually is on one of the recent videos where he had an outburst of angry, couldn't contain it.

00:28:04:09 - 00:28:23:08
Unknown
And then he went to the other extreme where his emotions was taking total control of him, where he couldn't even defend himself. And so do you see the difference here? Do you see how they're both extremes? I don't mind you expressing your releasing the way you feel, but you can never allow your raw emotions to rule you in any moment where you need to be.

00:28:23:15 - 00:28:42:01
Unknown
Like if you need to be strong in a moment where your life is in danger, the last thing you need to feel is fear. You got it. You got to push through that and move through whatever's trying to stop you from protecting yourself. It's the same thing I related even in the business world, investing or even at a elementary level with my kids in school.

00:28:42:02 - 00:29:02:15
Unknown
Middle school, you always distractions around you. You get tempted to listen to your kid, a friend of yours who is or who's trying to get you to cheat on a test, for instance, because you want to get this good grade the emotion or just say, feeling intimidated that you would fail a class would cause you to cheat, and now you get caught and now you get enough anyway.

00:29:02:18 - 00:29:23:02
Unknown
So it's crucial that we teach them how to experience it. So there's a time to be stoic because I can't share everything with Nicole. I call it the huddle principle. If I'm the star, say, Tom Brady of of the Patriots, and we're down by 20, I can't come to the huddle and say, hey, man, we're going to lose this game.

00:29:23:02 - 00:29:38:09
Unknown
So let's just do the best we can and get out of here. This game is over. I have to come to the huddle and say, hey, yo, we got one more play. And at this go, you know, 332 and three, whatever. And cut out from there. I can't come home all the time unloading on my wife. Yeah. You got it.

00:29:38:14 - 00:29:58:12
Unknown
Yeah. But yet I can't always come home and say, oh, everything's good, I'm all good, nothing's wrong. And the next thing you know, she's planning my funeral. And so there is, a process we go through where we allow a boy first to experience the anger release. Same thing with the man. But he's going to experience what you would call hypersensitivity.

00:29:58:14 - 00:30:19:17
Unknown
Because if you got a person who's been a stoic their entire life, they're backed up, you know, so almost like they need an emotional enema. Yeah, yeah. So when the dam burst and they finally are able to cry and release the childhood abuse, the trauma, the embarrassment, the losses, the bullying, when they're finally able to release that, it takes some time.

00:30:19:19 - 00:30:40:01
Unknown
I had guys who are like drug dealers who are trying to get out of that lifestyle and become better men, they said, Jason, why am I crying looking at a movie? I see, because you're backed up. Yeah, you're breaking free from what I call misconstrued masculinity or misunderstanding of what it means to be a man, and now you're becoming human.

00:30:40:04 - 00:30:58:13
Unknown
And so that's just the process. And we sit in Sean, either I welcome both, but I usher them in the path that I know Christ would want them to walk. You know. Yeah, I see that as being a very dynamic man. Absolutely right. Very dynamic. I call him comprehensive. Comprehensive? Yeah, he he can do it all. He's anything.

00:30:58:15 - 00:31:23:29
Unknown
Yep. At any given moment. And what I love about women is many things I love, my wife I often say, and when I speak that she has superior qualities, some superior qualities, and I have. And because I've acknowledged that our nonprofit is where it is today. And what I love about also love about women is that they didn't allow a culture to define them like we do.

00:31:25:21 - 00:31:46:28
Unknown
What was the saying? A woman's place is in the kitchen. The joke my father would tell is that my wife never needs a watch because there's a clock on the stove. They didn't allow the culture to confine them to a kitchen. They didn't allow a culture to stop them from being human. That I'm not just your servant in this home.

00:31:46:28 - 00:32:12:25
Unknown
When you get home to have someone to look at and take care of the kids and fix dinner. Now what have we done? We've allow society to say, look, you bring home the bacon and shut up. Or you, the other extreme. So now we only protect those and providers and we unders we now we don't realize why we're so unstable, why we're so quick to snap at everything while we can smile.

00:32:12:25 - 00:32:37:08
Unknown
But yet underneath us there's a war raging inside of us. Because we know it's more to manhood than just protecting and providing. And often compared to the pit bull terrier, which is one of my favorite breeds. You know, for years this dog was what known for its ability to protect, to provide safety, to fight. But what happened when that dog only did those 2 or 3 things?

00:32:37:11 - 00:33:00:18
Unknown
He became very unstable. And as a result, this breed was banned in many states and countries. Now, we know today that the pit bull terrier is not only just a fighter, it's a beautiful family dog. They call them nanny dogs. Why? Why do we miss that? Because we only saw the one attribute that we thought it was the greatest ad.

00:33:00:20 - 00:33:21:01
Unknown
But what makes that dog a great protector is not because of the pounds per pressure that it has when it bites you, but it's the love in its heart. What is it fighting for? What brings that? So God created that beautiful creature not to be a fighter, just the fight that wasn't its sole purpose is sole purpose was a nanny dog.

00:33:21:03 - 00:33:42:19
Unknown
And that's why the pit bull terrier is great around kids. Put that dog in the wrong hands. Look what happens. Put, a young boy in the wrong parenting or under the wrong parents. Look what happens. School shootings, you name it. And so his only way for outlet is I'm going to kill somebody. I'm going to beat somebody up.

00:33:42:21 - 00:34:01:01
Unknown
Yeah. He doesn't know how to reason. They don't know how to experience emotions. Right. So for me, what I would do as a kid, right, I would I would lock I would, stuff emotions. Right. So if I felt anger right, I would push it down. If I felt sadness, I'm like, I definitely don't want to feel that I'm going to push down because I was I was bullied as a kid.

00:34:01:01 - 00:34:20:17
Unknown
I was messed with. And like middle school, we some gangs and do. They're pretty brutal. These these gang, these gangs and, so these to just kind of mess with me. And it was really annoying, but it taught me to, not be vulnerable. And so I learned early on, like, hey, vulnerability is actually dangerous and not effective.

00:34:20:20 - 00:34:43:29
Unknown
Like, I was deep, brother God gave me revelation the same way about masculinity, the word vulnerability as well. So really what we want to say is emotional openness and transparency. Yeah. When you look at the word vulnerability and look up his definition, it is dangerous because if a guy came here with a gun and shot all of us, the reporter say the vulnerable citizens were killed.

00:34:44:02 - 00:35:08:16
Unknown
So I really don't want to be vulnerable. I always want to be in a place where I can protect and defend myself. The key thing is that we become transparent or emotionally open, and so we begin to suppress or repress these emotions because it feels safe, because we've been hurt before. My life never has been in danger. It has before, but not because of someone's me opening up to them.

00:35:08:17 - 00:35:31:01
Unknown
Yeah. What we're saying is we don't want to be hurt ever again. I don't want to ever be impassively dismissed. Like what I'm feeling is irrelevant to the room. And so we say, I never experienced that ever again. So I'm gonna become this ultimate stoic. And so once I understood that vulnerability, that word was it. It just mean, like, I don't it's just something your body say.

00:35:31:04 - 00:35:55:09
Unknown
I don't want to be vulnerable. No one should ever want to be vulnerable. You want to be transparent. You want to have emotional openness to freedom, to express yourself. But I never want to be in a position where I'm always in danger or I'm at heart at risk of harm. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yeah, interesting. That's a different perspective on it for sure, because we yeah, we use the term vulnerability and and yes.

00:35:55:09 - 00:36:05:27
Unknown
Well from my perspective right when we do share like let's say with a group of guys, when you do like vulnerability there is some truth to it. Right. There's some risk. When they say risk there's.

00:36:05:27 - 00:36:23:15
Unknown
Risk was the risk, though. When you look at it as men, it's like, you know, one of the excuses I hear from men about being transparent is, yeah, what if a woman or someone uses it against you? Yeah. You've been blessed. Yeah. Now, you know not to be around that person anymore. So what's the risk? Yeah, they have the risk because they're going to lose a genuine person.

00:36:23:16 - 00:36:45:04
Unknown
Yeah. And so I, you know, again, trust me, this just happened writing this book. Yeah. I had to go back through the entire manuscript and erase vulnerable and vulnerability from the entire. Interesting, interesting. Because God says that's not what I want them to do. I need them to stay warriors. I want them to be warriors, but I need them to be human.

00:36:45:06 - 00:37:12:00
Unknown
I need to be able to be transparent like I was when I dwelt among you. You know, and that's what made Christ such a powerful. Well he. Yeah. He experienced he was. Well we say he was well acquainted with sorrow. Yep. And so for him to be that open with everyone, which that's what made him relatable. And he, he was he, he denied himself though, so that the father could move through him.

00:37:12:11 - 00:37:32:21
Unknown
And that's, that's the ultimate to me. He is the ultimate comprehensive man which I share at the end of my book. Yes. How he exuded all of the characteristics of a comprehensive man. And so even the gentleman being chivalrous, we think chivalry now is pandering to women is not. It was a call for the knights.

00:37:32:24 - 00:37:54:23
Unknown
The medieval knights. Why do we get rid of that? Society told us, be an alpha male. And now they found out that. Wait a minute. There's not this battle for dominance with wolves. Now I'm the alpha male. I won. No, it's really. It should be probably alpha males. If it if it it be anything. Because the leader of the pack is the breeding pair.

00:37:54:23 - 00:38:21:15
Unknown
Not one wolf. See, we've been hoodwinked by Lucifer. It's not manhood. It's not dominance like that. If, if that worked, this world should be at peace. Look at all our leaders. They're the opposite of comprehensive men. They have two gears of that in their mental sports car. That's it. First and second gear. And they can't go any further.

00:38:21:17 - 00:38:38:28
Unknown
That's what the clutches are burning out. The communities burning out because they can't go any further. They're stuck. And so it's just is there's not a lot of great role models for men right now. Or if they look at professional athletes, they look at, yeah. That's true. It's it's a mess. There's not a lot of great role model.

00:38:38:28 - 00:38:59:26
Unknown
So that's why that's why what you do so critical. Right. You've, you've you've God's elevated you to a place of being a an example. Yeah. And that again, is to the point of being transparent because they can't only see my highlight reel. Yeah. So I have to let them see the moments of depression, the moments of sadness, the moments of sorrow, the moments of marital conflict, you know, discord.

00:38:59:28 - 00:39:21:12
Unknown
Yeah. And then when they see the joy, the the, the the triumphs. The victories. Yeah. The overcoming of adversity. Now they see this full picture of what it means to really live this life. And that's why my wife and I believe many marriages are failing. Because as soon as a little affliction come, we say, oh, this must be the wrong person.

00:39:21:13 - 00:39:41:16
Unknown
Like, no, you joined when you signed up in it, you say I do. Satan says, I'll see. Yeah. So now you're tested. And so when you get conflict, like, wow, this is confirming that I'm on the right path. Yeah. Marriages are meant to make you holy. Not happy. He say not happy. What you think about that in the car.

00:39:41:17 - 00:39:59:16
Unknown
Yeah. Cuz like so. Yeah we, we believe that marriages. Right. They're not meant. They're not meant to make you happy. That's, the whole purpose of marriage. They're actually meant to make you holy. They're meant to help refine and create a more Christlike human being through the process. It's a beauty, and it's a beautiful process and painful.

00:39:59:18 - 00:40:27:02
Unknown
Right. And and there's like we say, iron sharpens iron. Man, our wives can be that other iron. Right. She's she's chopping off little edges of us and, and sharpening ourselves as we're, as we're navigating marriage. It's interesting. I, I refer to Nicole as a refiner as well. And interview and it's interesting even about the sharpening because sometimes we would talk and I would say to her that you really can't sharpen me.

00:40:27:05 - 00:40:57:00
Unknown
And this is what's interesting about knowing why we were created. My wife is I think women as a whole are the ultimate far as like motivators, meaning, for instance, my friends could talk about my dad. I would never punch him in the mouth as a kid. Say one word about my mother. This is going in your mouth. My wife has a way of encouraging me in a way that keeps me moving.

00:40:57:02 - 00:41:15:26
Unknown
The sharpening, though, when the Bible says iron sharpens iron. So as one man sharpens another, I to look at the word man. It literally didn't mean like humanity. It meant male. And this is what I believe we're missing. As men. We got phenomenal women. But what's missing? And wives are crying out, my wife. I can tell me to ask you.

00:41:15:26 - 00:41:37:05
Unknown
Push me. Hang with your friends. Go out. And why don't you do a, a travel with some of my friends? I won't go, I feel I gotta stay home and protect the house. That side that's sharpening should come from me and you. Yep. That's good, that's good. So. Yeah. But we we become polishing partners. Yeah. We want to shine each other, make us look good.

00:41:37:05 - 00:41:59:15
Unknown
But when sin comes, we can't cut it. Yeah. And so that's the crucial part is like. Like my wife is there. I have no complaints. Yes, I do, yes I do. I'm joking. Yeah, but, we both do. But she's there. But what's missing is camaraderie. There it is again. Those 400 men coming to that cave.

00:41:59:18 - 00:42:20:17
Unknown
If David had to stay there alone with Israel, ever had been set free. You see. And you got to understand too. He needed those men. The Bible says, and they made him their captain. He didn't make himself their captain, so he needed to be encouraging. He was at a low place. A cave was a place of safety and refuge.

00:42:20:19 - 00:42:40:03
Unknown
And so again, here it is, David. Well, this is good. Thank you. Yeah. He suffered in silence by himself in this cave. And word got to his family and they said, we're going to go today because we're feeling the same way. So I believe when men could be transparent with each other and emotionally open, like I'm providing to, you know, I'm struggling.

00:42:40:03 - 00:43:02:17
Unknown
I'm suffering now. That's when those blades start to get sharper and sharper. And now we're not depending on our wives to grab a stone and sharpen us. Yeah, yeah. We, I was reading today that, Right. Wives, they don't want to be mothered or they don't want to be a mother in their relationship. They're looking to be a wife in the relationship.

00:43:02:19 - 00:43:27:24
Unknown
You think so? Yeah, I, I don't think that. I think, well, what happens is. And I'll share with you this process. So when a man doesn't grow up, you know, he's a mate. He's like the difference between a male and a man. Right. So a male, you're born a male. And so I believe a man is when you start to take on responsibility, you start to show up and you start to shift and evolve into a true man is someone that's taking responsibility, has makes wise decisions.

00:43:27:28 - 00:43:43:16
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. We have a lot of women that are married to a male, a guy that hasn't matured yet. And so they're now this mother. They they have to what? Hey, hey, make sure you wake up early. Hey, don't forget about this. Hey, why are you taking off work again? Hey, why are you now the. Now they're this mother.

00:43:43:16 - 00:44:06:16
Unknown
They don't get to be. They don't get to create this passion and this powerful marriage inside of it. And yes, mother, mother wives will always have motherly, motherly instinct. But hopefully that's for the kids. Hopefully they're not having to, mother. They're there, but really is a gift. I call them wife moms in my new book. But you hit it right on the nose is because when a man just basically denies his role in being a leader.

00:44:06:16 - 00:44:24:12
Unknown
Yeah. You know, he he basically, you know, doesn't take care of his responsibilities. So now here it is, a woman with a head of. But now we're like, well, I don't want to do this. I don't feel like doing this or missing work or not being responsible at work. Now she's fearful of you compromising the stability of the home.

00:44:24:24 - 00:44:49:08
Unknown
So now like you're saying she's checking you and making sure this is done and that's done. And now next thing you know we're better because she's doing something that we should have been doing. But we've abandoned. And so you know I, I truly believe but also the mothering side of a wife is needed. Like I say, wife moms in this in a joking way because some women smother their husbands.

00:44:49:08 - 00:45:16:28
Unknown
They do. Yeah. Even some strong men. But these men who maybe lacking the the courage to say, hey, I don't like being treated that way. Or it could come. A woman may treat a man that way who has been through a bad relationship before. So there's many layers. It is. But for me, as a man, 54 year old man, living without his mother, I believe my wife plays the role of her at times in my life.

00:45:17:00 - 00:45:46:11
Unknown
When I'm scared, when I just need nurturing her, maybe nurturing. Well, I wonder if nurturing. But nurturing is one of the greatest attributes of of mother. It is, you know. And so how many of us as men, miss that blessing that God has given us when we do become one with our wives? And she wants to, message our scout when we're down and nervous, but because we have to stay strong per se, she can't even help us in that regard.

00:45:46:13 - 00:46:06:17
Unknown
And then we wonder why we're tense and always feeling under pressure. Because again, this woman is more than the helper next to you. She's a shield. And as the word helper in Hebrew means aser. And so this stoicism or this the shield, explain the shield. That's interesting I love that. So yeah. So I mean the word aser, you know, when I looked up, you know, God gave man a helper.

00:46:06:17 - 00:46:32:24
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. It also meant like shield, a sock or a protection. So his strength. Or when David said, the Lord is my help, that's the same word. So that same word is the word he used to describe man's wife. So while okay, so God is my help in the same word as in my wife. Is that why am I not taking full advantage of this powerful blessing I've been given?

00:46:32:27 - 00:46:57:08
Unknown
The reason is we've been conditioned to believe that everything falls on us. Same thing I was telling me off camera when we having lunch, you know, we feel that we're responsible for everything. It's not true when you do that. Now again, what is your wife? Therefore? You know I didn't marry a trophy wife. My wife is beautiful. But I got a virtuous woman.

00:46:57:08 - 00:47:31:04
Unknown
She's industrious. I'm not going to not take full advantage of that. I couldn't be where I am today because he put her in my life for one of many reasons. And that's it. But when you have a man, that's what I call mono facet. It just can do one thing. He's going to miss so much. And, you know, he becomes the old man and starts to look back like, wow, I wasted so much time trying to just stay strong and look impervious to things that affect every human being.

00:47:31:06 - 00:47:55:03
Unknown
And so I want to give my wife more opportunities to really live out who she is. She's strong. Here you go. Can you take care of this? Can you do this? And I'm working on that. Like I said, I'm constantly evolving. Skyler. Like, yeah, she you know, I don't I don't ask her to help me enough. Yeah. Because I'm still breaking free from the mindset that everything falls on me, you know?

00:47:55:03 - 00:48:16:18
Unknown
And, the further I get away from that mindset, I believe the stronger I become more useful. Yeah. What would you say. What can what can a father best do to prepare his son. So you're working with sons that have had either maybe don't have fathers, have fathers but maybe haven't showed up the best way or had fathers but they weren't intentional.

00:48:16:22 - 00:48:36:15
Unknown
Maybe enough inside of the way they raised. So what what what should a father do? What could a father do to to be most effective in raising a, a young man that knows how to tap into his emotions and knows also how to be stoic when needed. That can just be a good overall human. What would you say?

00:48:36:15 - 00:49:01:24
Unknown
What are some what are some tactics or strategies type of thing? Pray to be broken. Yeah, yeah, that's what I pray for. I pray that, the Holy Spirit will break me because I was I couldn't be used by God. I still was in my own way. I often say my daughter had the most energetic dad, but my son got the best father.

00:49:01:27 - 00:49:20:15
Unknown
He had the best father, because I pray to be broken. And then with that prayer to be broken came in adversity. To finally make me face all the things in my life that I tried to hide from the father who on a sunny day, my wife and daughter would come home and say, dad, let's go out. So beautiful day and I'm angry and I don't know why.

00:49:20:15 - 00:49:43:25
Unknown
And I said, no, I'm just laying on this couch. The moments when my daughter room is dirty and I really miss the signs of a dirty room. It didn't mean that she disrespected my headship in the home. My daughter was dealing with stress at school, but I missed it because of my own brokenness. I literally it manifested the way my father treated me and I became him to her.

00:49:43:28 - 00:50:06:19
Unknown
So I tell every man, deal with yourself first, even before you have kids. That's the real battle, the real fight. We can run in front of bullies. You guys name me Green Berets that partake in this ministry. We can do that. But let us have to deal with ourselves. Those have to sit in the room and be quiet and think about the bruise, the abuse, the rejection.

00:50:06:24 - 00:50:24:01
Unknown
Yeah. It's interesting. Most, most people say that we have guys that come in, hey, I, I'd be willing to take a bullet for my family. Yeah. You're willing to die for your family but are you willing to live every day for your family. Oh how about this. Are you willing to die to self for family. Yeah. You know the Bible says that we are to die to ourselves.

00:50:24:01 - 00:50:51:25
Unknown
Pick up a cross and carry it if we're going to be considered a disciple of him. That cross represents something in us that has to die daily. And so how many of us are willing to die daily to what we think is strength and power? And what I found as well, even the Scripture became alive when, it's written that, the power of Christ is perfected in our weakness, but yet we tell each other to stay strong.

00:50:51:27 - 00:51:16:22
Unknown
I've seen men, family members die and give each other hugs and embrace each other. Stay strong. Brother, what were you telling me during the time of Israel? In the scriptures, they had grieving periods. The greatest war that I could think of. David. He had 30 days to cry. He would be considered a weak man today. But yet with slaughter, everybody that I know, you see.

00:51:16:22 - 00:51:38:21
Unknown
And so again, we've been hoodwinked. We don't understand what it means to be a man of God, to follow him. The comprehensive nature of Christ. Like, really? You think that I'm supposed to be happy? Happy? Joy, joy. And the Bible says I can grieve the spirit of the Most High. And I look at the poverty, the homelessness, the evil in society.

00:51:38:21 - 00:52:03:20
Unknown
And I don't want to shed a tear at this. Those tears is what would sparks, movements against injustice and evil. Stoicism is, to me, is an indifference. You know, I need emotion to stir up when the Bible says, in the spirit of the Lord fell upon this person, what came anger? He does it. Oh, I love I'm.

00:52:03:20 - 00:52:38:09
Unknown
I'm about to plant a flower. No. When you read that there was some injustice happening and he needed to fall on a man to be used. What an emotion. What an emotion. But what if he was stoic? Christ wept bitterly for Lazarus. You got to understand, we really missing it. And so once we tap into that nature, I really believe you're going to see not only a transformation in the church, which makes sense, but you will see a transformation in the world.

00:52:38:11 - 00:53:01:25
Unknown
Why do you think praise and worship? You really see a lot of men crying out, falling at all times in church. Stoicism. Strong. Good. Okay, I don't care. The Holy Spirit moved me. I feel like I need to release this. But I'm still here, you know, we do this, you know. Yes. Jesus. You hear that.

00:53:01:28 - 00:53:14:06
Unknown
But you hear I'm hurting I need you I can't, I can't take it anymore. You hear that? You hear me falling on the ground. I used to go to my church altar and lay all the way out crying.

00:53:14:09 - 00:53:42:05
Unknown
That's freedom. I have nothing to prove to no one. That's what I want man to experience. That's when a man becomes powerful. So difference between strength and power. Strength wanes. Power doesn't. So that's the difference. Oh yeah. With a wristband powered by God. Yes. Oh perfect. Yeah. Power by God man it's we get our power from him.

00:53:42:05 - 00:54:01:28
Unknown
It's when we try to get our power from other things. Right. Successes and, right. Building great companies or, being a great athlete. It's not where your power comes from, is it? Comes from the spirit, comes from God. The other power will wane, the other strength will wane. But true power comes from him of diving deep into his lasting it.

00:54:01:28 - 00:54:24:15
Unknown
Truly, it truly is. It's made me. You experience. I'm pretty sure, on your weekends here, the retreats or the, refinements. I believe that's what they called refinery refineries. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you get a moment where you're drained and you pray any power. Yeah. And there you go. You regenerated. It pushes past it. It's in I do that in the cave of Adam.

00:54:24:17 - 00:54:51:10
Unknown
Yeah. Every martial artist was really skilled to tell you. You get good when you train when you're tired because then you see the strength. I can't depend on that. Jujitsu practitioners understand it's technique. That's why you can have a guy that weighs 150 dominate someone over 250 pounds. Great strength wings. I can't depend on it. The Bible tells us not by strength but by what spirit might of the Lord.

00:54:52:16 - 00:55:22:15
Unknown
That's where it is. And you can only use, you can only get that power when you liberated. See Christ set the captives free. He didn't come to imprison us. So I'm not free. If I can't be comprehensive I'm not free. If I can't cry publicly, unashamedly, I'm not free. If I can't tell my wife, instead of saying, you piss me off because you don't submit to me, I can't say, well, it hurts my heart so bad that you just don't trust me.

00:55:24:15 - 00:55:44:06
Unknown
My my mother was the same way. I'm just trying to be the best man that I can. Can you please just trust me now it's a different communication with your wife. She doesn't have to have her hands up. She can drop them because now that's all a language she can she understand. She has the 64 box of crayons.

00:55:44:09 - 00:56:08:15
Unknown
We still will. For she understands. Oh, he's he's he's he only has purple, but he's he's really saying I need you, Violet. I just don't know how to color. Beautiful. You know it's so necessary I love again that's why I love the work that you do. It's a it's a critical need especially for boys. And that's what I'm integrating into my boys is as I'm mentoring them.

00:56:08:18 - 00:56:29:12
Unknown
Right. Allowing them to share like, well, our regular conversations or what he's struggling with. That's good right. What he's struggling with. But to get there I'll share what I'm struggling with. Right. So I don't want to be this super superhero dad that has no issues ever. Like, some of my best conversations are laying in bed with Brandon and I'm like, dude, let me tell you some stories of some stuff that I jacked up.

00:56:29:14 - 00:56:43:11
Unknown
Let me tell you some stories of, of when I was when I was bullied, let me tell you. And he just, like, heals. He gets sucked in his issues is like, wow, this is my dad. You you dealt with that? Like, he's just it's so intriguing to them. But then it. And then he shares and then he's like, you know what?

00:56:43:11 - 00:57:06:01
Unknown
Actually, I am afraid of this. I am scared of these some of these kids at school. And so he opens up when I opened up. And so I'm, I love this journey, this journey of helping. Yeah. As you put a comprehensive men and boys really just start to take over versus, we call we have a, we have something called the four pillar man, a man that operates in faith, family, fitness and finances.

00:57:06:06 - 00:57:28:03
Unknown
Some of that can be successful and adept and intentional in his faith. Right? With his family. Very intentional, connected, passionate in his family and his fitness. He is excellent in his fitness. Also not for ego, but just takes care of his body, his a temple and then his finances. He knows how to stay out of debt and how to take care of himself financially and really be a good steward.

00:57:28:03 - 00:57:48:05
Unknown
So it's like a four pillar man. I wonder, as you're building out and continuing to evolve this philosophy and way of being it. Yeah. Did you have any type of like is there any quantifiable, like the emotions are a key part. Do you have a do you have a breakdown at all, at all the emotional, competent or we call it emotional stability training.

00:57:48:05 - 00:58:08:24
Unknown
Emotional we call. Yep, yep. Any of the characteristics. So even I'm careful with the ten characteristics of a comprehensive man okay. Yes, yes. You know, the father, the provider, the leader, the lover, the nurturer, the gentleman, the friend. Then you have the husband, the father, the son. We're careful with that because there are more. Yeah. So even with your four pillars, there's probably eight.

00:58:08:24 - 00:58:27:17
Unknown
Oh, there's there's way more. So way more. So now, however, we what I found is we need we if there's too many. Yes. If there's too many. But if it's like, hey, here's the 25 things you have to get good at this year. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You later found like those that's the the pillars for reason because you can build on top 300%.

00:58:27:17 - 00:58:57:02
Unknown
Then you got fun and you got adventure and you got other things, right. So like, so with that community. Yeah, that's why I kept the ten. Yeah. It's good though with the ten most important that I feel and how Christ actually exuded all of those. Okay. But even with the four pillars and you know, because you manifest this in your businesses and even that, this is amazing as well, this ministry, I have to be real careful because I have to understand that it has to evolve.

00:58:58:02 - 00:59:25:23
Unknown
And so as, as men, as human beings, we need structure for us to feel comfortable with. This is, the three C's or the five P's, or the seven steps of this or the ten steps. It is. Truthfully, there are no steps. And we understand that as men of Ja, that it's surrendering because the path that many say, the Scripture says he use the foolish things to confound the wise.

00:59:25:25 - 00:59:47:24
Unknown
Paul says, I didn't use lofty words when I preach to you, so that you would know it was the power of God. And so we lean on all of these ideas in our intelligence. But God crushes all of that, and he uses the little shepherd boy with the stone in one sling to take out a giant that all these skill men he had from.

00:59:47:27 - 01:00:14:23
Unknown
They had the methods sources take my arm and this is what you need. This is what warriors wear. These are the ten steps to defeating Goliath. David put it on so that I can move in this because God doing something new through me. What I'm here to say is, if you if you live a life too structured or you do it right, if you have it your way right, it doesn't give space for God to be able to show up and do it his way.

01:00:14:24 - 01:00:31:21
Unknown
That's good right? Always. There is nothing wrong with having structure. You know, in the scriptures. It is all throughout. Counsel is advised everything. Yeah, yeah. But you got to have the freedom. Give him the freedom to move through. You. Because again don't be too rigid. Yeah. Our thoughts are not his. Yeah. We have to be careful. He's a creator.

01:00:31:21 - 01:00:51:11
Unknown
He's given us that attribute is what we can create. So I'm very I'm, I'm more concerned that I'm so creative. My wife with to I can create anything I need to know the difference between a good thing and a God thing. See that's that's see I can be very I can oh this is a bowling ministry you know the, the, the pins represent this and this is, these are the four.

01:00:51:16 - 01:01:18:18
Unknown
I can do that at any given moment. But the God say do that. That's the thing. And that's what I'm always cautious of. And that's why we see strength. We don't see a lot of power. We don't see a lot of transformation. Because his way is not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. He told Moses to go back to Pharaoh with a stick.

01:01:18:20 - 01:01:45:14
Unknown
It doesn't make sense. God, you're telling me let's go this way. But I see this. See? I'm. I'm not going to split it. Now. I know what I need to do. It doesn't make sense to you, but I just need you to go. That's the God that we serve. He don't really need us like that. He don't need us like that.

01:01:45:16 - 01:02:04:24
Unknown
He chooses use us. So all I got to do is just what you want. Stay broken. Stay humble. Yes. All right. Stay. Stay in a place. Will stay in his will. Stay under his shadow. Yeah. I was talking to somebody a couple days ago. And he talked about like, hey, what vessel do you want me to be, Lord?

01:02:04:26 - 01:02:17:18
Unknown
And he said, he said, you heard from God. I want you to be the lump of clay. That's one. I don't want you to be a vessel. I don't want you to. I want you to be the love. The love. So I can turn you into what I want you to turn to turn to you. That's funny.

01:02:17:18 - 01:02:34:00
Unknown
We can be prideful about everything. And I say interesting. Yeah. I'm God's greatest vessel, you know, it's like, no, you just really a lump of clay? Yeah, that's really good. I like that was neat. It was. That was from that, from God. Holy Spirit. Drop that on him. Yeah. That's good. And but that's that's the goal.

01:02:34:00 - 01:02:54:16
Unknown
And that's. Yeah, we have to stay even with the union. It it counter the culture. It just it counted the court. It didn't make sense. The cave over the way man you're going to use. How are you going to bring biblical principles into martial arts. You can't do it. How are you doing that. He said do it I'm gonna try it.

01:02:54:18 - 01:03:19:09
Unknown
I've had pastors tell me don't do it literally. I said, well, why I didn't even I wasn't concerned, I never asked anyone. Yeah, yeah. They, they, they saw me doing other things like parental workshops. Again, it made sense. Like, well, this would be greater because parents are in need. You can teach them about the culture, how Satan is, you know, using music and everything to lead our kids astray.

01:03:19:12 - 01:03:49:26
Unknown
I said, well, yeah, but this is what he's telling me to do. And many years later I was right following him. And not the and so that's, that's, that's everything for me man. As soon as I feel myself in control I'm scared. It's like yeah. Nah this doesn't feel too right. But when he is in control and I can just the worst place I can be in is where I feel caged.

01:03:50:12 - 01:04:09:29
Unknown
I, I don't, I can't be ruled by money. I can't be bought my wife or two. She only has. It's only so much she can really do to stop me from doing what he wants me to do. Even she thought I was risking something. She knows if if if I'm emphatic that this is something God has told me to do, I'm going with it.

01:04:11:07 - 01:04:31:04
Unknown
Because I got to one point miss got to where I was worshiping my family because I had never had one. Yeah. He had to show me, says hey I gave you that. He said you understand it's me and he's that affinity for. As he told the Israelites I would not have you affinity for any gods.

01:04:31:06 - 01:04:59:28
Unknown
I'm a jealous god. So once I keep him first and always I'm able to just move. I don't want, government grant. Say what I can say and can't say. Can't do. I have to be in so many meetings and, like, here and go here. That is. I feel like I'm quenching the spirit. You know what. What as we start to close that I'm going to have a final question for you, but I want to first the audience is probably wondering like where can they get Ahold of you.

01:05:00:01 - 01:05:21:15
Unknown
When is your next book official. Okay. They can preorder the book. Now that would really help because again, Amazon's just Amazon. I prefer Barnes and Noble where we can buy books. Yeah. The first week is really important. Preorders actually drive the sales and get the word out about the book. The man the moment demands. And, you can find me on social media.

01:05:21:27 - 01:05:55:05
Unknown
My handle throughout, is Mr.. Mr.. Jason O. Wilson, and you can find me anywhere. And then our nonprofit that is called the Union, and it's a y in front for Yahweh or Yahoo! Again, in the word union. So it's e y you in EO and org, and you could, visit and see more about what we do, learn how you can not only just give financially all of your time, but also maybe, hey, maybe you got a gift that you haven't opened and maybe you can come and open it for, the youth that we serve there.

01:05:55:07 - 01:06:16:24
Unknown
So, that's the best way to reach me or my my wife or, help us in our calls. What is your, with this question? So to you, what what defines success? So what is a successful man?

01:06:16:27 - 01:06:43:14
Unknown
So when you say what define success, it would be best for me to answer that question on my deathbed, because I really don't know just yet. To me, right now, I'm already successful. If I end at life right now, why my family. Okay. So yeah. Yeah. For right now I'm who I am as a man of God first, but more so who I am to my family.

01:06:44:09 - 01:07:06:05
Unknown
Like what you see is not who I am not at home, I am that guy and I could start right now and I said well thank you for this ride you know is it's been great. I would never say the cave over Durham. The union is my wife and I life's work. That can only be said when we're dead.

01:07:06:07 - 01:07:34:12
Unknown
Because I could do something in the last two years of my life that I would do everything that I've done thus far. So I never define what success is to me. I allow myself to constantly seek, more for him. Like what's next? I always look for the next, and that's pretty much it. I, I don't really focus on that at all.

01:07:37:15 - 01:07:57:12
Unknown
You never really hear me say that. Do you call too much about success? I don't focus on that because success to me may not be success to him. Yeah. So I just just keep my hands to the plow. We end on the words of Yeshua, Jesus. He says anyone who puts their hands to the plow and look back is not fit for the kingdom of God.

01:07:57:15 - 01:08:18:11
Unknown
In other words, the plow is the instrument where, the work is done moving forward, but the progress is seen by looking back, you can't see what you're doing. You can see the progress in front of you because you're tearing the ground up. You can only see behind you. So me, looking back, is looking at the success. Don't look back.

01:08:18:14 - 01:08:40:02
Unknown
You're not fit for the kingdom. Keep your hands to the plow. Who cares about what you've done? Focus on what I told you to do. Boom! Yeah. Powerful. All right, man, I appreciate this. This is a special conversation. Thank you. Thank you for ever. Thank you for the invite. Just everything is just really move to seeing how God is using you.

01:08:40:02 - 01:08:43:19
Unknown
Keep it up and, look forward to just continuing a relationship.

01:08:43:19 - 01:09:01:27
Unknown
We got something for you. Really? Yeah. So but you're going to have to, So we have three. We have three, little mini suitcases. And inside of one of those is a, is a $500, donation to one of the non-profits that you choose.

01:09:01:27 - 01:09:23:00
Unknown
Could be the union. One is, nail boards. We got some custom branded nail boards that you're going to have to step on. And the other ones are called a cold plunge. Cold plunge? We do all these in the, studio. Okay, so we come over here. No, no. Oh, okay. Okay, cool. You get to pick, you got one.

01:09:23:00 - 01:09:25:15
Unknown
You.

01:09:25:18 - 01:09:50:20
Unknown
Somehow made a game. So, I. May whatever I must say, just because he did this at the restaurant and he's picking food. So he's like, Yes. That's why I hate going to restaurants. I don't know the menu. I think we'll be there for, for a while trying to pick out something. It's funny, it's funny.

01:09:50:20 - 01:10:18:23
Unknown
Okay, let me do, I don't know. I'm trying to think what you guys would think. Let me do the one on the right. Is that the best one? Yeah. Let me try. Yes, sir. Yeah. Awesome. Can I move the Michael? You can move the mic? Yep. With the mic. Let's see what that bad boy is.

01:10:18:25 - 01:10:40:07
Unknown
Turn it around. Let's see. Oh, we got it. We got the cash. Our other guest today got the cold plunge, so. Yeah. So, yeah, for sure. What's the name of that show? Deal or no deal? Yeah. That's it. Yeah. They have the suitcases. Yeah, man,