Are Men Really The Problem? | Nick J Freitas

Most men never stop to ask the question that could change their legacy forever.

In today’s Rise Up Kings episode, Nick J Freitas — veteran, father, legislator, and leader — joins us for a raw conversation about biblical masculinity, raising godly children, building family culture, and why weak men are fueling the downfall of our society.

We dive deep into how real men lead, the crisis facing young men today, and the exact steps to becoming the father, husband, and leader your family desperately needs.

If you care about your family, your faith, and your future, this is the conversation you cannot afford to miss.

Topics We Cover:
- The war against masculinity and how to fight back
- Biblical fatherhood and why your home is your greatest battlefield
- How to build a family culture rooted in truth, not fear
- Why most men aren’t worthy of their daughters’ respect — and how to change that
- Leadership lessons from Special Forces and politics
- Why real strength starts with obedience to God, not success in the world

Chapters: 
00:00 - The Real Battle Is at Home  
05:15 - How Nick Freitas Went Viral Defending a Green Beret  
10:13 - From Politics to Fatherhood: Where the Real War Is  
20:11 - Would You Let Your Daughter Marry a Man Like You?  
28:21 - What Biblical Masculinity Actually Looks Like  
34:02 - The Crisis of Young Men and What’s Fueling It  
41:05 - Why Christians Must Lead in Politics and Culture  
46:47 - Reclaiming the Role of Father as Primary Educator  
53:45 - How to Build Culture That Outlives You  
01:00:58 - Victim Mentality vs. Godly Responsibility  
01:09:10 - You Don’t Change the World Until You Lead at Home  

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Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:15:17
Unknown
The biggest fight is in our families right now. We haven't done enough to actually build up the family and actually respect a biblical model for what family is supposed to look like. Ultimately, we don't want to raise kids to just follow an arbitrary rule structure. We want him to follow God. We want him to follow the truth, and we want them to have the courage to be able to stand for it.

00:00:15:17 - 00:00:35:22
Unknown
But we're the ones creating that example. Your primary job is to be obedient to the task that God has put in front of you. Am I suffering because I'm doing something wrong or because I'm doing something sinful? It's this idea that if you are right with God, you'll be rich. A man is someone that protects. A man is someone that provides a man is someone that leads a man is someone that is a spiritual leader.

00:00:35:24 - 00:00:57:12
Unknown
And in order to do all of those things effectively, you have to have. We'll, we'll just kind of roll and free flow. We got a couple we've got some questions about. I'm super excited to have you on the podcast. I've been watching you for a while and, it's, admit sounds kind of creepy, but I've been, I've been, enjoying your content for a while now.

00:00:57:12 - 00:01:18:08
Unknown
I think it's, it's even more funny when someone comes up. I was like, oh, man, I'm here. I'm here because of your shorts. I'm like, okay, I know what you mean, but that sounds way. So let's talk about that for a moment. So you've, And by the way, I'm super excited. We have Jeremy, one of our instructors, this great friend of mine, an incredible human being.

00:01:18:18 - 00:01:40:01
Unknown
You guys have a lot in common, actually, let's let's talk about that for a moment. So, what do you guys have in common? Well, they're the two of the same units, and, Yeah. Were you and I in oh eight, two? No, I was in no, I wasn't a raccoon. 08I was in Afghanistan and oh nine okay, okay.

00:01:40:04 - 00:01:59:11
Unknown
So he's. Yeah, he's cooler than me because he got to go to Afghanistan and Iraq. I only went to Iraq, although I was teased the Afghanistan guys like, well, yeah, I went to the main effort. Those. But, yeah, but we were both in the 82nd. I was in second of the 3 to 5 and then, both in, for Special Forces Group and both and third Battalion.

00:01:59:13 - 00:02:16:06
Unknown
It's great. We were both in the same what was technically the same building at the same time, but I don't ever remember us interacting. And that was the thing, too. And, and and, when all your units, you'll be, especially a big army, someone will be like, oh, you were in the 82nd. My my brother was in the 82nd.

00:02:16:08 - 00:02:42:04
Unknown
You know, it's like, dude, there's like thousands of people, but in SF, it's it's a much smaller group. But like, if you're not in the same company, you probably. Yeah. The chances of you meeting someone, it doesn't happen as much as you would think, because you're usually working in 12 mano days when you go overseas. I think the place where I usually met people from other companies was actually what were going through, like civil, which was the, you know, Special Forces, urban assault course.

00:02:42:04 - 00:02:58:25
Unknown
And, you know, the schools and things like that. And, and every once while you might do some joint training, but just by the very nature of the way SF operates, you could be in the same building and not really mean I. In fact, one of the guys in my church small group, we got to talking and my wife comes home is like, oh, you need to you need to meet this guy.

00:02:58:25 - 00:03:15:13
Unknown
You just you just got to the the group, like, oh, what's, so I meet him, I'm like, hey, what are your NSF? Yeah. What group first? Oh, cool. Cool. What? Battalion third. Okay, cool. What? What company? And it turns out he was little. We had met before, but it was once like it was briefly. It's not like we hung out or talked about.

00:03:15:15 - 00:03:37:27
Unknown
We were literally two doors down for one another. And now we're in the same church in in Culpeper, Virginia. So, so interesting. I figured everybody knows each other, but I guess it's not the case. And you're going so much like you're the up tempo was so high during those years where like, if you're not, if you're at home, you're likely going to a school or you're trying to take some leave or you're doing a workup for something or you're deployed.

00:03:37:27 - 00:03:58:11
Unknown
And so, like, all these different teams are going in and out, like literally the hallway that he worked on was like 60ft from the hallway I worked on. And we we both came to this building every day for work. When we were home. And I literally we never like we never knowingly met while we were in service. What was your language?

00:03:58:14 - 00:04:18:24
Unknown
Chinese. Male. Oh, dang. I'm from. I'm one of the smart 50 and can barely speak English in the army, in their infinite wisdom, decided we give the redneck from Mississippi the most complicated language ever known to humanity. Where were you? What? What were you? Were you a Delta echo or how was a Charlie? Oh, Charlie. Okay, okay. So good at math.

00:04:18:24 - 00:04:37:21
Unknown
And, that's why I gave you know, and they got all of this wrong, like, so basically it was like, it's like two and a half years on the course of me just struggling relentlessly for two and a half years. I like to think my Q course was harder than everyone else is, because if my IQ level was so hard that so low, that in order to keep up, it required more effort from me.

00:04:37:24 - 00:04:56:07
Unknown
Yeah. No, I was a bravo. They nailed that. Like yeah, you they just weapons training are that like for like shocker. Yeah. They give me Tai whatever someone's like you know Tai I'm like oh sorry cob conservatory pom pentagon ropey said like, oh what does that mean? It says, hello. And you know, I am a Special Forces soldier.

00:04:56:07 - 00:05:15:26
Unknown
And like I said, we have now reached the limit of my time. Right again. Yeah, I can tell my Thai waitress ped need no, like, a little spicy. Not taste. But that's it. We're done. We're done now. Yeah. What? Nick, what is your man, your your journey over the last, couple years is pretty profound. Just with what's happened on social media, man.

00:05:15:26 - 00:05:35:29
Unknown
And and you're, you're you're a very unique individual as far as, you homeschool your kids, you, the values that you stand for just, you're can be what can can be felt is divisive, especially in this culture and in direct, in alignment with our values. And, and I just I want to dig into that.

00:05:35:29 - 00:05:58:13
Unknown
So what started, what started the social media, kind of blow up. What caught you on fire, would you say, as you started a trend? We, So I got into the military and, several years later, I ended up running for the Virginia State House. So I'm still a state legislator in Virginia. And, the first, you know, we obviously we had a Facebook page.

00:05:58:20 - 00:06:18:05
Unknown
We had like a Facebook page and a Twitter page at the time, and that was it. Maybe, you know, maybe a couple thousand followers or whatnot. Pretty standard for, you know, being a state legislator. And, the first time we ever had like a video like really go viral was my, my first year in the Virginia House of delegates, and it was actually a, first group guy, Sergeant first class, Maryland.

00:06:18:28 - 00:06:36:00
Unknown
He was getting removed from the military because he had beat up an Afghan police officer for raping a seven year old child. And, they were removing him from the military. And what him and his captain. And I just thought it didn't make sense. And I remember calling up the first group, and I called some buddies because we're different companies.

00:06:36:00 - 00:06:51:09
Unknown
And I said, hey, man, before I like before I make an issue out of this, you got to you got to assure me this guy is a good dude. And, and I had somebody that I really trust said, look, man, he's he's the ideal operator. He's a great guy. You can trust him the whole deal. I said, okay.

00:06:51:11 - 00:07:06:23
Unknown
And so, I gave a speech just basically kind of talking about what was happening to this guy and, you know, essentially saying that I thought it was something to be proud of, that when a small child in a foreign country needed help, they could look to the American flag on that man's shoulder and know that he would help them.

00:07:06:23 - 00:07:22:22
Unknown
And he did. And now we're punishing from it for it. And I, I think we need to be very, very careful, about what we ask of the people that we send overseas to fight. Because if the moment it becomes politically inconvenient, we're going to abandon him, then we're we're not worthy of them. And you're going to get a very, very different military.

00:07:22:27 - 00:07:42:10
Unknown
And when that's not going to be capable of doing much and certainly not capable of standing, on, on strong morals, when they need to in order to get the job done. And, that one, that one kind of viral on, on social media and the better news about bad it and certainly not because of my speech, there was a lot of people that have been helping us.

00:07:42:10 - 00:07:58:19
Unknown
Our first class Maitland, dunk Congressman Duncan Hunter out of San Diego, Southern California. I've been helping him and others. But he did get reinstated, and they didn't force him out of the military. And so that was, that was kind of my first foray into recognizing that, oh, there's there's power in social media. We don't have to rely on the press.

00:07:58:19 - 00:08:21:29
Unknown
We don't have to do all that. That was back in 2016. In 2018, we were having a floor debate and, I gave up what kind of became known as the gun speech. And that's the one that across social media got somewhere between probably like an 80 to 90 million hits. And I mean, that was the first one where I could say, like, okay, that went legit viral.

00:08:21:29 - 00:08:40:23
Unknown
Like our social media presence. I'm on Facebook, probably went from 12,000 followers to 100,000 almost overnight. And so that was that was part of it as well. Just debates on the floor. But then, you know, we started my, my daughter actually was the first one to say, dad, you need a TikTok account. I was like, what the heck's TikTok?

00:08:40:23 - 00:09:04:13
Unknown
Right. And we started getting involved in short form content, Instagram, YouTube, things like that. But we had this one video that I. The reason why I give so much credit to this video is because before everything I did and social media was, like politically related. And so we had a very politically oriented audience. But this is one where I just talked about three things I learned raising daughters.

00:09:04:15 - 00:09:20:14
Unknown
And, I kind of started off by saying that when I found out I was having a little girl, I asked two people for advice. One was my wife and the other was the biggest man whore I had ever met in the military. And the question, quite simply, was, what do I how do I raise my daughter? So she does, you know, fall for a guy like you?

00:09:20:16 - 00:09:40:04
Unknown
She's a fall for whatever you say. And he was real good sport about it. Like, you know, took the cigaret out of his mouth, was like, okay, well, and one of the things he said was, tell your daughter you love her, because if you don't, someone like me will ever believe them. And, and so, you know, over the process of my oldest daughter's 22 and married my son is 19 and currently in infantry basic training.

00:09:40:06 - 00:10:14:02
Unknown
My oldest daughter is, about to graduate high school this year. And, so I started talking a lot more about family and culture because honestly, I think that's where the biggest fight is. It's not that the political fight is unnecessary, but the biggest fight is in our families right now. The reason why so much, so much is, I would say, genuinely sick within our society, our culture and our politics, is not because we haven't done enough to try to win elections is because we haven't done enough to actually build up the family and actually respect a biblical model for what family is supposed to look like and when when people actually embrace

00:10:14:02 - 00:10:34:15
Unknown
that and they do their best to apply it. It's just amazing the results you get. And so we started talking a lot more about things on a cultural level, on a family level, on concepts of biblical masculinity. And that's where we saw, like our social media presence go from, you know, maybe a few hundred thousand back. Yeah, 3 or 4 years ago to about, about 3.4 million now.

00:10:34:15 - 00:10:57:18
Unknown
And, so, yeah, it's it's something that God's blessed. It's been an interesting road to get there. I'll tell one other quick story, just because I think it's really relevant. In 2020, we got asked to run for Congress. So I don't want to do it. But it was one of those moments where everything was kind of coalescing and seemed to make sense, and I'd put the fleece out because I was like, God, I don't want to do this.

00:10:57:18 - 00:11:15:08
Unknown
So if you really want me to do it, I need to know. And, and he did. He confirmed everything within 48 hours, which I was not expecting, in which everybody like my campaign staff was like, make. That's an unrealistic expectation. And yet it all happened. We're like, okay, God, if you're asking us to do this, then we, our whole family, I say we because the whole family ends up running.

00:11:15:08 - 00:11:37:13
Unknown
Right. And so we put everything into it. And it was it was grueling. And it was it was a brutal race. It was one of the top, like seven races in the country that people were watching on the congressional level. On election night, we were winning. The next day we were winning. A thumb drive shows up that got misplaced, and all of a sudden, we lose by less than two points.

00:11:37:15 - 00:11:53:10
Unknown
And my wife and I were both like, God, what was the point of this? Like what? What? Because we could not see in that moment anything that had been accomplished by what we did. It was tough. Like I had to give up my job. I, you know, thankfully I had another job I was able to do, but it was temporary.

00:11:53:10 - 00:12:06:27
Unknown
While I was running for office, it was, you know, six days a week and, you know, even some Sundays, even though I try to, I try to like cordon off some. So and we want to run. But it was tough on the kids. It was tough on my wife. It was tough on us. It was tough on everything.

00:12:06:27 - 00:12:23:28
Unknown
And then to at the end to feel like something was weird about this. I'm not saying it was stolen from me, I'm just saying something was weird and we couldn't point to one thing that we thought, you know, either glorified God through this ultimately, like in the big scheme of things, or that was good for what we were trying to accomplish.

00:12:23:28 - 00:12:42:27
Unknown
We were like, what was the point? And two years later, we were sitting around the table in our studio and I'm looking over at Christian Hines, my, my co-host, and one of my best friends and, you know, Nick Hamilton, who's now my business partner and the producer, another good friend, Cody, you know, who had done all of our video editing.

00:12:42:29 - 00:13:00:15
Unknown
And then we had thought about the first people that had actually given us the ability to be able to do this, you know, whether it was financial support or things like that. And I remember it hit me because I'm looking around the table going, if I hadn't run for Congress, I wouldn't have met and I wouldn't be working with most of the people at this table.

00:13:01:04 - 00:13:17:20
Unknown
And if I had won, we wouldn't be able to be doing what we're doing right now. We it wasn't just that we had to run. We had to run, and we had to lose. And in order to get everyone together, to be able to do the things that we're doing now. And it was a it was a real hit for both my wife and I both.

00:13:17:20 - 00:13:38:29
Unknown
I just this is why you need to remember that your primary job is not whatever victory you think you're achieving. Your primary job is to be obedient to the task that God has put in front of you at that moment. He will he will eventually reveal to you, probably right? Like why you had to go through certain things, and sometimes it'll be good and sometimes it might not be good.

00:13:38:29 - 00:13:58:14
Unknown
That's the other important thing to remember. It doesn't always end in puppy dogs and roses, right? But there's there's purpose and there's meaning, and ultimately there's joy and there's peace in that. You won't get from anything else, regardless of whether or not needs some secular standard for success. Yeah, it's interesting how often those situations can steal people's joy, right?

00:13:58:14 - 00:14:17:04
Unknown
Completely wipe away their joy. My wife is dealing, actually. Share this, on a podcast, last week, my wife has Lyme disease, so she's dealing with it, and it's pretty significant every day. I mean, she has pain every day, right? Headaches every day. And she's still but initially, for the first year or two years, it was really starting to bother.

00:14:17:04 - 00:14:39:00
Unknown
But over this last five year journey, she's come into a whole new version of herself. She's leading to God. Her relationship with Christ is incredibly strong. Her the level of hope. She has a level of faith she's she's been able to lean into, which has been profound. And so I think, I think as we we teach a lot on Romans 828.

00:14:39:02 - 00:14:57:06
Unknown
Right. God works all things for the good of those that love him. And as Christians. Right. That's a promise to Christians, specifically to Christians. And so we get to lean in that hope and that faith every single day, even when we don't understand it. So I think a mature Christian looks at something and goes, why? Like, why?

00:14:57:06 - 00:15:23:10
Unknown
And I know you have a plan for me. Yeah. And I don't know what it is. Right? Yeah. And an immature Christian would go, hey, why? And this shouldn't be happening to me, right? It's a rendering to what is. No, you're right. And there's been a lot of heretical God. There's been a lot of heretical teachings out there coming from elements of the church like prosperity doctrine is is one where just avoid it with a 50ft pole if you can, because it's this.

00:15:23:17 - 00:15:44:07
Unknown
It's this false idea that a if you're doing something wrong. Now, listen, it's always good to be introspective, right? And say like, okay, am I suffering because I'm doing something wrong or because I'm doing something sinful? Because that's a very real possibility. But it's this idea that if you are right with God, you'll be rich. And it's like, okay, no, God doesn't promise you that.

00:15:44:10 - 00:16:07:09
Unknown
Yeah. What he does promise you is peace, right? He does promise you joy. And he obviously does promise you, like, you know, eternity with him, but I. Yeah, it's it's amazing, I use it. I think it's a great way to put it. It's the maturity level, the maturity in your faith where you recognize that sometimes you don't always understand why you're going through what you do, but you trust that God is faithful.

00:16:07:09 - 00:16:32:15
Unknown
I, I, I once equated it to, you know, I had a good relationship with my kids. And if you have a good relationship with your kids, there's going to be times, especially when they're little, but you have to discipline them, and they don't have the cognitive ability every time to understand why they're being disciplined. But I always said it's always a good sign that when you have to discipline your child, when they run and they want to hug you, right, because it's that thing of daddy.

00:16:32:15 - 00:16:54:15
Unknown
I don't know why you did this, but I trust you because I know you love me. And, and I, I've seen that in times of my relationship with God. It's like God I don't know why this is happening but I, but I trust and so yeah I yeah. Jeremy. So I don't know if Jeremy met you, but he has, three beautiful, wonderful daughters.

00:16:54:15 - 00:17:18:07
Unknown
And so your what your comment about, raising. Right. Well, a raising daughters that can discern a man that's trying to take advantage of him. But but be like what we do a rise up kings. Right. We're raising men that are worthy of your daughters, you know. And Jeremy explains that pretty well. Yeah, it's for me. That's part of, like, part of what?

00:17:18:07 - 00:17:51:09
Unknown
I don't get to decide who my daughters marry. Right? Like I have a part in it in a way of, like, how my wife and I instruct them and how we teach them. So we have some influence over it. But I don't get to make the decision. And so what I can do, though, is I can show up and I can give like, this is me pushing the rock where like, I don't get to I don't get to to decide who my kids marry, but I get to go out and make whatever difference I can make on the earth in men that maybe, just maybe, one of the men that was able to come in

00:17:51:09 - 00:18:10:20
Unknown
contact with me like that, that man is raising the young man that's going to come to my door one day. It's like the way that I look at it, because I live in Phoenix and I travel to Texas every month to put to help Skyler with these events, right to to put on the the refinery or awakening or the different events that we offer.

00:18:10:23 - 00:18:30:13
Unknown
And I do work to articulate this out well. And when you start asking men the question, like who here? And sometimes I'll ask and I'll ask for a show of hands, like, I want you to raise your hand nice and high. If you want your daughter to marry a man like you. And then great question. And then shame can set in for men who aren't able to raise their hand.

00:18:30:16 - 00:18:48:18
Unknown
Yeah. And so we talked through this idea of picking up curiosity and not picking up shame. But then we I, we ask a suite of questions around here that get men to reflect on the way in which they occur in the world, and then the to to your point of your, your friend, that you have, the manner that you ask the question to.

00:18:48:24 - 00:19:08:06
Unknown
I'm like, hey, yeah. So like, are you that guy? Are you the guy that that you don't want your daughter to marry? Yeah, right. And if you are, man, let's have a look at that. Put ten toes in the sand and square up to the version of you that's been showing up all these years and, and greet that man in the same way that Jesus spoke to the woman at the well.

00:19:08:09 - 00:19:32:11
Unknown
The Bible says he spoke to the woman at the well with 100% truth and 100% grace, that he spoke right to the issue. He he didn't he didn't skirt around it and make it okay. He spoke right to the issue. I know you're I know you're living with a man that isn't your husband. I know you've been all over town, and he did it in a way that was full of grace, such that the entire town ultimately got to meet the the human Jesus, you know, out at that.

00:19:32:11 - 00:19:49:07
Unknown
Well, no, there's there's something powerful about that. You know, in the three lessons I learned, it was like telling your daughter you love her, tell your daughter the truth, and be the sort of dad that she can always tell the truth to, because there are going to be situations where your daughter, if your daughter feels safe with you, then she'll come and talk to you.

00:19:49:09 - 00:20:11:15
Unknown
And and it's that idea of 100% truth and 100% grace. It's like, I need my daughters to know I need my son, too, but I need them all my kids know I love you. I am always on your side. But to be on your side, I have to tell you the truth. If I'm lying to you or if I'm making you feel more comfortable in bad decisions or destructive behavior or whatever else that might be sinful behavior, then I'm not demonstrating love for you.

00:20:11:18 - 00:20:37:14
Unknown
I'm demonstrating a desire of maybe peace for myself, or an easy road for myself, as opposed to actually doing the things that are necessary to to guide you. But we can walk in the creating this facade to like trying to show up perfect as a dad or as a husband. And then what? They end up, they end up creating this false expectation because our kids learn what father is not by reading the dictionary, but by paying attention to the way in which we show up in their lives as father.

00:20:37:18 - 00:21:04:05
Unknown
And so then if we create this unrealistic example of a dad who never fails and always has the right answer, and only like no man. Like like what to to hearken back to our 11 Bravo days, there's this like, follow me. Yeah. It's one of the most beautifully articulate, like most beautiful examples, man. I notice examples all through my military service that it's like.

00:21:04:05 - 00:21:30:05
Unknown
It's almost like whoever set up the structure of the army was was a Bible believing evangelical Christian. That idea is the same thing that Jesus tells us. He says in John 13, chapter 30, chapter 13, verse 34, this command I give you, to love one another as I have loved you. It because it's by the way in which you love that people will know that you are my disciples.

00:21:30:05 - 00:21:55:15
Unknown
He's literally telling his disciples, follow me. Do as I have done. Like shoot where your squad leader shoots, run where your squad leader runs, and man, I can like this is one of those things that we bring to bring to. And, the men who come to our event, we bring them to this awareness that like, do I can look at my girls and I can tell them, like, follow me, but follow your dad.

00:21:55:17 - 00:22:21:10
Unknown
Yeah. Like, follow your mom and dad, like, take the example that your mom and I are giving to you and follow and, like, follow us if you can't, when you're in this circle at the refinery, all covered in water and muddy and sweaty and in a clogged deficit, and I and I ask you this question like, can you honestly look at your kids and say, follow me, you I like I am willing to do.

00:22:21:10 - 00:22:44:08
Unknown
I am committed to doing whatever it takes to live the kind of life that my kids can follow me, and I will be happy in that, you know, not only your kids, man, but what about your employees? Yeah. What about those people around you? What about the people in your community? Are you living an authentic life, right of excellence to where people you could really say to your employees, hey, follow me.

00:22:44:11 - 00:23:00:05
Unknown
Right. Like the way I take care of my body, the way I spend time in the word like like I truly am living a life where I'm living a life of excellence. And even though I may not be perfect, but I'm living in a way of worthy of being followed because I'm I'm following Christ. Follow me as I follow Christ.

00:23:00:09 - 00:23:19:25
Unknown
Yeah, that's it's a powerful when you when we realize we have that level of responsibility to show up as that leader that's worthy of being followed. Hopefully that's motivation enough for men to say, okay, it's time to step up. It's time to stop. Right? Looking at things I shouldn't be looking at, it's hard to break free from the situation that I've been living in, whatever it is.

00:23:19:25 - 00:23:39:02
Unknown
But man, follow me as I go. Follow Christ. What I the point you make too, about this idea that it's it's not about creating a false perception. So obviously we were seeking perfection. But you're going to fall from it. And the question is, is what do you do in the moments when you do? And, and that's true for family.

00:23:39:02 - 00:23:53:01
Unknown
That's true for your your wife. That's true for your kids. It's true for your business partners. Like, I would share the story of this one time where, you know, I got really frustrated by my two youngest kids, my son and my daughter, because they made a mess in the kitchen. I come home from work, I'm really tired.

00:23:53:03 - 00:24:08:20
Unknown
I'm frustrated. I come in and the kitchen looks like a small bomb went off and and I just went straight into, you know, sergeant mode, right? Like, clean this up, go to your room. Clean that too. Oh, yeah. Nice hand like, you know, and, and my oldest daughter at the time, I think it was like she was like 13 or 14.

00:24:08:20 - 00:24:32:28
Unknown
I can't remember exactly, but she knocks on my door and I remember she goes, daddy, can I talk to you for a minute? And I said, okay, what is it? And she was I don't think you handled that very well. And, you know, again, every ounce of me, every ounce of me was like, oh, oh, wise sage who I provide food, clothing and shelter to please tell me from your vast experience raising children what you are displeased with in my conduct.

00:24:33:00 - 00:24:48:28
Unknown
And, she goes, the reason why they. But but the reason why I did it was I don't know why, but by the grace of God, he like, check me like you need to listen, like. Okay, okay, sweetheart, why do you say that? She was the reason why they were cooking in the kitchen was because they were doing something for you.

00:24:49:00 - 00:25:07:19
Unknown
Mommy had given them permission, and, they were very excited about doing it. And now they're too scared to tell you that that was the reason. And so I felt like a jerk. Inappropriately. So. But there was also the sense of pride in that moment that my daughter was willing to come to me and say that I had done something wrong.

00:25:07:22 - 00:25:29:14
Unknown
Well, why? Well, because her mother and I had taught her a standard that was beyond our own authority. It wasn't just do these things because I tell you to do that. It's do these things because God says they are correct. Well, what happens when you're incorrect based off of the very standard that you presented your children? If they can't come to you respectfully and say, daddy, this doesn't make sense.

00:25:29:14 - 00:25:53:17
Unknown
You have taught me this, but you've just done this. This doesn't make sense. And in that moment, it was like, again, by the grace of God, it was, you're right. I'm wrong. And I want to tell you, I appreciate you having both the courage to to come to me and to come to me so respectfully. And I'm going to go apologize to your brother and sister as a result of that, because ultimately, we don't want to raise kids to just follow an arbitrary rule structure.

00:25:53:20 - 00:26:08:12
Unknown
Yeah. We don't we don't want our kids to follow whoever claims, you know, some sort of authority or power in any given moment. We want them to claim we want them to follow God. We want her to follow the truth, and we want them to have the courage to be able to stand for it. But we're the ones creating that example very early on.

00:26:08:12 - 00:26:30:02
Unknown
And even when you screw up, there's an enormous ability right there to either say I'm sorry or to encourage your kids to to be able to stand up again, respectfully and call it out. But if if we let our pride get in the way or if we let this, this false notion that leadership is me being right all the time, or you not getting to challenge me, then you haven't taught your children to follow God.

00:26:30:02 - 00:26:49:27
Unknown
You haven't taught your children a moral framework, just to stand for what you've taught them as arbitrary authority dictates what's right or wrong. And that might work out fine when you're in charge. What happens when it's the college professor? What happens when it's abusive husband? What happens when it's a boss that is that is, you know, immoral or corrupt.

00:26:50:00 - 00:27:14:18
Unknown
And so, yeah, I love the point that you guys made about this idea that, look, get your you're going to fall sometimes. But the question is, is are you striving to do the right things on behalf of your family? Are you holding up a standard and does that standard also apply to you? This is masculinity, man. That what you're talking about is the idea that in a notion is is actual masculinity like the the willingness to be vulnerable, vulnerable.

00:27:14:18 - 00:27:41:09
Unknown
Vulnerability precedes intimacy. Intimacy is this idea of into me, you see, and like having a man be able to stand there and put ten toes in the sand, in and have a real look at himself and the way he showed up and own the failure with confidence and model then for your children, what it looks like to show up authentically and own your own garbage is.

00:27:41:11 - 00:28:00:25
Unknown
So now then, we're modeling for them this idea of here's what it looks. Follow me. Here's how you own your own garbage. This is here's how to do it, and here's how to do it with grace and love. And that you can miss the mark. You can fail. And there will never be a place without love. Like in in our house.

00:28:00:25 - 00:28:21:20
Unknown
Like you can fail. You can miss the mark. And there is nothing you can do to escape our love for you. In this the father says the same thing to us. There's no height nor depth. No missing the mark will have you fall out of love. Have me fall out of love with you. Yeah. Nick. What? You talk a lot about biblical masculinity.

00:28:21:20 - 00:28:49:02
Unknown
I'd love to hear your, definition of masculinity. Sure. I think biblical masculinity is is a man that basically starts first and foremost with his commitment to Christ. You have to, because there's a lot of other things that men are expected to do in Scripture talks about men required to do, but it has to start there. And the reason why is because a man is someone that protects a man is someone that provides a man is someone that leads a man, is someone that is a spiritual leader.

00:28:49:05 - 00:29:06:24
Unknown
And in order to do all of those things effectively, you have to have first and foremost the foundation from which you view everything. So C.S. Lewis had this quote, I'm going, I'm going to butcher it. But he basically said, I don't just believe in the sun because I see it. I believe in it because by it I see everything else.

00:29:06:27 - 00:29:26:19
Unknown
And that's I think that's absolutely the same thing. That's true with respect to, Christianity. So, for instance, there's a lot of other voices out there that are actually giving men semi good advice. Right. It is a it is good advice to tell a man you should be intellectually capable. It's good advice. Tell man you should be physically, fit.

00:29:26:21 - 00:29:53:23
Unknown
It's good advice to tell a man that they should be professionally competent. Like those are all good pieces of advice. But for what? What differentiates biblical masculinity from all the other forms of masculinity that might have good things to say is it's is the fact that it's rooted in Christ and in Scripture, so that when you're developing all of those capabilities spiritually, emotionally, physically, professionally, intellectually, you know, in whom it is to service, right?

00:29:53:23 - 00:30:20:06
Unknown
You know what the ultimate purpose is? Because the problem and again, the distinction between biblical masculinity and other forms, especially secular forms of masculinity, is that it essentially tells you to gain these things, to develop these capabilities in service to yourself, right? And service to. And ultimately, it either goes down this route of kind of hedonist, you know, intentions or a quest just for, for raw power.

00:30:20:08 - 00:30:44:27
Unknown
And so that's, that's the distinction between the biblical masculinity is that it is it is an understanding of the various masculine traits. It's an understanding of your obligation to protect and provide. But it's also that fundamental understanding that it is ultimately in service to Christ. And once you've once you've figured that out, first as you build everything else, it just again, you know, you know constantly who it is in service to.

00:30:45:00 - 00:31:00:03
Unknown
And as a result, it it keeps it in line with, I think God's created order. It's no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. Yeah. It's no longer me doing. It's it's. Yeah. I love that idea. It's a reorienting. Right. It's like and I think and I think one of the reasons why it's so desperate.

00:31:00:05 - 00:31:13:21
Unknown
So if we look I was on I was on a, the trigonometry podcast a while back with your cousins and Chris and, and Francis and mothers love their show, but they had this thing where they do at the end of the race, say, what is the thing that nobody is talking about that they need to be talking about?

00:31:13:21 - 00:31:38:02
Unknown
I said, I don't know that nobody's talking about it, but young men are going to revolt, right? This whole idea that we've we've somehow built a society where we've told young men that they're not needed and the the source of all the world's ills and they're they're simultaneously stupid, fat, lazy, incompetent, and not needed. And they've somehow infiltrated every single social, political and economic institution in order to, you know, give themselves advantages over everybody else in the form of the patriarchy.

00:31:38:04 - 00:31:59:12
Unknown
Right? So it's this it's this constant drumbeat of of slamming men and especially young men. And the end result is going to be they're going to revolt against that. Like, that's that scenario cannot win because you actually need young men to do things like fight fires and fight wars and police streets. Young men are the ones that have the ability to actually physically impose their will.

00:31:59:19 - 00:32:18:24
Unknown
The question is, is how will they choose to use that power and in service to what? And so we're running into this major issue right now where you have a lot of young men that have been told that the reason why you need to develop these skill sets is so that you can be rich, you can be famous, and you can command, you know, you can sleep with a bunch of beautiful women, right?

00:32:18:24 - 00:32:26:07
Unknown
That's, that's that's almost like the pinnacle of what they're talking about. And, and I'm looking at that going.

00:32:26:09 - 00:32:53:01
Unknown
For what causes genuine despair, is not being deprived of the things you want. It's achieving the things that you think you want and finding out. But ultimately, they're hollow and incapable of giving you genuine meaning and purpose. Right? God created I absolutely believe God created men to be strong, to lead to all of those things, but it has to be in service of something nobler and better than just his own needs, wants and desires.

00:32:53:03 - 00:33:26:24
Unknown
And you see this like you, you, you have that. You have that fundamental commitment to God which never goes away, which is always present and is always there for you. But then, you know, God blesses many of us with the ability to have with the the blessing of a wife or children who provide that constant reminder. And what we end up recognizing as men is that when we develop these capabilities in service to the people, the things we love, that's when it really manifests in something that can give you genuine meaning and purpose, not just temporary pleasure.

00:33:26:27 - 00:34:02:20
Unknown
Jordan Peterson talks about it that the the, the willing, the willing taking on of responsibility. That's where the adventure is. The key adventure is in the willingly taking on of responsibility. And it's in that like people think it's in these in these other than in these hedonistic desires in the pursuit of pleasure. But it's actually the contrary, because ultimately all of those things are heading down a trajectory to a destination of, like you said, I think despair is the perfect word, but it is in the it's in the recognition that there that that I am responsible.

00:34:02:20 - 00:34:25:26
Unknown
I'm responsible for my own life and everything that's in the wake of my responsibility my wife, my kids, my home, my community, my local church, my business, my whatever. And it's in pursuit of what. And then what you talk about there is effectively having a Christ, a lens that is Christ focused. So everything I am doing is for this means for the for the betterment of the king of the kingdom.

00:34:25:26 - 00:34:48:26
Unknown
And it's in that setting myself in the context of the the greater mission to which I'm called, that makes my place in it so valuable. And I can stand in confidence knowing that I'm not out here as a singular human being on the earth. I am no island, and it's not all up to me. My responsibility is to push the rock God's given me the mission to push the rock.

00:34:49:02 - 00:35:07:18
Unknown
I don't move the rock. Anything that happens in my life happens by the will of the father. And if it doesn't happen, happen. It's by the will of the father. And to wrap that up into what you're talking about earlier is that like the prosperity gospel is that that turns God into an algorithm. If I do X, then God must do y.

00:35:07:21 - 00:35:33:28
Unknown
If I do X, then God must do, oh really? I the whole like omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent characteristic macro characteristics of God. They I don't believe those fit inside the algorithm. Yeah, yeah, I feel like they completely missed the entire book of job. Yeah. And one of those powerful people, people focus on two things in Jobe. Obviously, the discussion between Satan God on the on the testing of job and then the restoration of job.

00:35:34:05 - 00:36:01:09
Unknown
But one of the most fascinating components of that entire book is not only the, you know, the kind of worthless friends that God ends up rebuking, but it's also this moment where God tells Jobe, basically, you question me, okay, good yourself like a man. I will ask you and you will answer and it's just this moment where and again, job's reply, you can totally understand where job's at.

00:36:01:09 - 00:36:36:12
Unknown
The head space, right? He's like, I don't understand why this is happening, but ultimately, Jobe also once again demonstrating that kind of righteousness. Once God basically says, I will question you and you will answer job's like by that. Yeah, he remembers you, remembers the regular order. And, yeah, I just I it again. There's even, you know, and in that case, God again chose to completely not only restore Jobe, but, you know, bless him, you know, bountifully and, and did so in a way that actually led to greater wealth and whatnot.

00:36:36:12 - 00:36:58:08
Unknown
But, I again, I think it's about remembering. It's now remembering who's God that is not you, but that it's it's a good thing it's not right. And, and again, just that, that, that creator order that God provides us, there is a reason why men ultimately thrive when we have responsibility and kind of wither away when we don't.

00:36:58:10 - 00:37:28:21
Unknown
Yeah. I, for a lot of my younger years, man, was very I operated in a very hedonistic way, went after everything that I could possibly go after. Build success is build companies. But it was. It was in the pursuit of my own pleasure. It was interesting. I was on a vacation last week and before I went on vacation, I started to get a little bit sad because I, I wasn't going to be able to to to go serve and live out like my, my daily profession.

00:37:28:21 - 00:37:50:01
Unknown
Like I love what I do, I get, I do what I love and I love what I do. And so like vacations are cool, but I would, instead of spending time on the beach, I was so much rather be serving those that I'm responsible for, right? And again, there was a part where I was with my family, but there was a part where it was just me and Jessica hanging out, and we were enjoying ourselves.

00:37:50:01 - 00:38:08:20
Unknown
But both of us had this urge like, we want to, we enjoy making a difference. We enjoy making a difference more than we do, hanging out and just sitting at the beach like I'd rather be impacting people than being in Hawaii or in Cancun and right, just enjoying ourselves. And so it was it was a cool connect or a little click for me in my realization.

00:38:08:20 - 00:38:32:22
Unknown
Like, man, I just I really enjoy serving and making an impact and living on purpose inside of my life. And there's so many men that, that operate outside of their purpose and that are not clear on their purpose or, or have and don't understand what it means to be a man that lives on mission. And so I get that from you, Nick.

00:38:32:22 - 00:39:02:06
Unknown
And and also you two. Jeremy. Man, you guys are both men on a mission that are clear on like the impact that you want to make on people and the impact that you want to make in this country. I was reading in Genesis and Exodus today, man, Joseph's story is so interesting. So Joseph, right, he's sort of sold into slavery and, works his way up this Potiphar's number to, gets put in jail and is sitting in jail wondering like, man, like, what the heck?

00:39:02:06 - 00:39:19:06
Unknown
God, like a and then all of a sudden, but God has something even bigger for him. So he's in jail, has everything stripped away. But God has an even bigger plan. So sometimes when we're at that low point, like we just have to trust that there's something else out there. And so he ends up being Pharaoh's number two, right?

00:39:19:06 - 00:39:43:26
Unknown
He's Pharaoh's number two. And, his family ends up finding him. They his entire family comes in, moves into Goshen in Egypt. And then what's really interesting, I didn't realize this before, is I was reading it, and in Exodus, Pharaoh passed away, and so did Joseph. And what happened was Pharaoh, the new pharaoh that came in to that role.

00:39:43:28 - 00:40:10:07
Unknown
He said this, these Israelites, like they're building in strength in numbers like we need that. They're a threat now. And then he enslaved them. And I'm like, wow. And it what clicked for me was relationship. There was nobody representing the Israelites in the government. Right. So fair. So so Pharaoh. The previous era had respect for Joseph, loved Joseph.

00:40:10:07 - 00:40:35:14
Unknown
But when Joseph was gone, there's no representation anymore. And so it literally millions of Israelites are now enslaved because there was no representation. And so got me thinking, just regarding politics, right, how important it is for Christians to have representations, to have people that are, that are, that are in political positions, that are pushing for the values that we believe in.

00:40:35:14 - 00:40:55:16
Unknown
It was just a real interesting correlation there. And so so my question to you, Nick, or how does this relate to what you do and part of your mission and do you believe Christians should be involved politically? Well, I mean, I, I don't see any area where God doesn't tell us to not be salt and light. Right. We're, so we're supposed to I think we're supposed to be impactful in those areas.

00:40:55:16 - 00:41:17:12
Unknown
I think we're all supposed to recognize that. Obviously we don't. Christians do not seek political power in order to impose proselytize ation. Right. Like I can't force you to become a Christian, but I think it's perfectly reasonable to say that I want to I want to live in a society, where just like in the books of Romans, it says that we admonish the good and punish evil.

00:41:17:14 - 00:41:54:29
Unknown
And so when it comes to decision making power, with respect to laws and things like that, I think that it's important to have Christians that understand that a, you know, our job is not to which we are not biblically permitted to impose our faith on you, but we can foster an environment where we do respect things like, you know, your individual liberty, combined with personal responsibility and certainly an environment where we're going to allow, Christians to be able to, to thrive and build a society because there is absolutely no question that our country was rooted in a Christian worldview.

00:41:55:01 - 00:42:12:10
Unknown
And people say, well, well, you know, it's only mentioned a couple of times the Declaration of Independence and stop, listen to the Constitution, go read the state constitutions. One of the reasons why it's not mentioned in the federal Constitution is because states were absolutely terrified of the federal government essentially trying to impose a particular denomination or faith on the states.

00:42:12:12 - 00:42:33:20
Unknown
But there's absolutely no question. I mean, the the Bible is one of the most frequently quoted books when it comes to the discussions about the Constitution and government. And what should we establish? And, you know, John Adams said it best when he said that our Constitution was written for a religious and moral people and is totally unsuited to the government of any other.

00:42:33:22 - 00:42:52:15
Unknown
And I think it's true. I think that's actually what you're seeing within society right now, is that we're recognizing that when a society, when a society adopts, say, a post-modernist, view of the world where there is no objective truth, there is no, even objective, you know, there's no objective morality, right? It's all arbitrary based off of who uses power.

00:42:52:22 - 00:43:12:18
Unknown
All of a sudden we recognize that the Constitution is not, in and of itself, a sufficient barrier against tyranny or oppression. You need people that are first able to self-regulate, and the people that generally self regulate do so not only because they see some sort of societal benefit to doing so, but because they recognize that there is objective morality, there is objective truth.

00:43:12:22 - 00:43:38:09
Unknown
It does come from God. And if you don't have that represented in your government, well, then don't expect to see it reflected in your laws. And it's fascinating the number of people that I will see within the legislature, within the executive branch, within the judicial branch, that that honestly believe that when it comes to establishing law or enforcing the law or deciding the law, they do so ultimately, regardless of what they say they do.

00:43:38:09 - 00:43:56:11
Unknown
So ultimately with this idea that they will choose they they were elected. And so therefore they are the ones that can ultimately choose what right and wrong is your job as a legislator is not to choose what right or wrong is. It's to acknowledge what right or wrong is, and then to do your level best to ensure that the law reflects that.

00:43:56:13 - 00:44:21:09
Unknown
And so yeah, I would just say again, biblically, it's not as if ultimately politics is what's most important, right? But it is important and it is it is. I mean, we could even say that food agriculture is not most important, right? You don't live by bread alone, but it's still important. And so the idea is, is that if we are called to be salt and light, the weird, we are to do so.

00:44:21:11 - 00:44:43:18
Unknown
And I think every area, you know, just makes sense. And clearly I think representative government is one of those areas. What can I say one other thing though, I will say this though, I see a problem with Christians who sometimes believe that the elections is what will decide what is moral. And that's, that's not the case.

00:44:43:20 - 00:45:03:16
Unknown
The, the elections, the elections in and of themselves don't save you. They can be they can be an important component of trying to, you know, create a, a God fearing society. They can certainly be an important component, but it's not totality of it. If you say, oh, we got the guy I wanted elected, my job here is done.

00:45:03:16 - 00:45:21:21
Unknown
No, no, it is no, it is not. You don't you're not going to save the country or society at the ballot box. You're going to save it by being obedient to what God has put in front of you. And one of the most important components of all of that is being a husband, being a father, raising up kids in the way that they should go.

00:45:21:24 - 00:45:44:18
Unknown
Because I would say if if you want, there's a there's an old saying that representative governments or democracies get the leaders that they deserve. And so if you want better representation and we pull the representation from the body politic, then ultimately what you want is a good moral, a better body politic. Yep. And that starts with with who you are.

00:45:44:18 - 00:46:00:06
Unknown
I always say like, I'm a big pro-life guy. I've carried legislation. I've debated it on all of it, but I've done it in a purple state where we've never had complete control to where we can actually pass a lot of this legislation. And so people sometimes will ask me like, why do you spend time on an issue that you can't get past?

00:46:00:06 - 00:46:25:28
Unknown
It's like, well, I don't make the debate on the floor because I think I'm going to convince my colleagues, I do do it because I think I might be able to convince their constituents. And then I come home and I make these same debates, and I discuss these issues with my children. And so one of my biggest contributions to saving babies in the womb will ultimately be that IRAs, through love with my wife, we raise three children that are absolutely committed to the protection of innocent human life.

00:46:26:01 - 00:46:47:03
Unknown
And I and I will see some people that at times will just completely and exclusively focus on the political while ignoring what's going on in their own home. And they wake up one day and they're like, I don't understand. I don't understand why my kids think this way. It's because you didn't teach them. You thought they were going to learn by osmosis, know you have a responsibility to teach them.

00:46:47:03 - 00:47:05:27
Unknown
And and look, sometimes you do. And sometimes kids go in their own way and they rebel. And I understand all of that. But I think it's really critically important that at the same time that you don't ignore politics, you don't become so obsessed with it that you ignore the primary responsibility which is found within being a husband and being a father.

00:47:06:00 - 00:47:23:04
Unknown
How does, how did you do that as far as pouring into your kids and educating them or what? What did that look like for you? Well, we homeschool, so that made it. Yeah. That's a really amazing one. Yeah, we did that for one year and it was incredible. However, we shifted back to our Christian school, but I'd love to hear your perspective on that.

00:47:23:04 - 00:47:40:12
Unknown
Like for people listening to this podcast. Right. These fathers, we have primarily fathers listen to this podcast, and they, they want to be the best version of a father that they can be. And they want to pour. They do. They do genuinely want to pour and mentor into their kids and mentor them. And there's a lot there's some challenges that come with that.

00:47:40:12 - 00:47:54:18
Unknown
So what would that look like for you? Well, I would say that regardless of what you choose to do for your children's education, the moment your children don't see you as one of their primary educators, you're in trouble. And I and I will have people argue with me about this. Well, you know, we need expertise, or we need, like.

00:47:54:18 - 00:48:19:06
Unknown
Look, I'm not telling you. Let's go to, you know, what you want to do with that? What I'm telling you is that if you put somebody, if you elevate somebody else to the position, to where, when they contradict you, your child believes them, that's the problem. That's the problem. So what that means is, is that while you can we say this, Jeremy will recognize this because we said in the military all the time, you can delegate authority.

00:48:19:08 - 00:48:40:25
Unknown
You cannot delegate responsibility. And so it's important that as a man, you establish a relationship with your children by spending time with them, by discussing things with them, by giving them tasks to perform, by showing them how to do it. And then at age appropriate levels, you give them different challenges, and you allow them to not only carry out that challenge, but impress you with their own creativity.

00:48:40:25 - 00:49:02:04
Unknown
Right? The instructions that you give change, but you're constantly doing this with your children so that they constantly see you as a primary educator within their life and someone that they should go to with difficult questions. And this is going to look a little bit different with with sons and daughters, by the way. You know, look, I was I was, you know, dads should be like rough and tumble with their kids and the whole deal.

00:49:02:04 - 00:49:23:13
Unknown
And that play time is super important. But also being able to sit down and listen to your kids discuss issues of the day, like issues, whether it's it's weighty issues or esoteric issues or philosophical issues, but also drawing those philosophical issues to the issues that they're having within their own friend group. That's really important. Here's another story I'll share.

00:49:24:09 - 00:49:51:14
Unknown
Because it sounds strange, but it illustrates an important point. I always hear people talk about, like, the generational gaps with their kids, or the cultural gaps with their kids. And look, every generation based off of a variety of factors, whether it's the little words that are in vogue to describe things or it's technology shifts or whatever it is that provides some sort of separation between you and your kids.

00:49:52:25 - 00:50:18:25
Unknown
You know that that can cause confusion. It is really important to set up kind of a cultural, shared cultural experiences between you and your children. And that could be hiking, that can be, you know, in May that can be, different books that you read together. So I want to give you an example of one that I if you dads out there, if you want a cheat code with your daughters.

00:50:18:27 - 00:50:43:24
Unknown
All right, hear me out. Hear me out because you're about to, like, glaze over. Just hear me out, Jane Austen. Look, it's real red. Pride and prejudice. If you never had Sense and Sensibility and you're you're you're a dude, right? You're like, why am I wasting my time with this? Let me just share a story. I'm NSF because Jim and I both know that if we want dudes to listen, if we start off with, then special forces are like, okay, all right, I'll hear you out.

00:50:44:00 - 00:51:03:03
Unknown
All right. So I'm in S.F., right? And I'm spending a lot of time away from my wife, and we wanted something that we were going to be able to kind of do together, regardless of where we were in the world. And so we said, all right, we're going to come up with a system where we read books. It's got to be a classic, and I get to pick one, and then she gets to pick one and we we interchange like that.

00:51:03:05 - 00:51:22:12
Unknown
So I picked The Count of Monte Cristo because that's super cool, right? And it was super cool. We both enjoyed She picks Pride and Prejudice. I'm like, oh my gosh. All right dude Jane Austen sarcasm game is like level 11 for real. Yes. Good man. That's a great book. Oh but if I, if I ever, if I ever have to.

00:51:22:16 - 00:51:38:09
Unknown
Look, I'm an American. I'm a proud American. If I ever got to chew out an English aristocrat. Boy, do I know how. Now. Okay, but here's the key part. Here's the key part. So we read this as husband and wife as a way to stick together no matter where we are in the world. If I was reading that book in my mind, I could think, yes, she's reading that book too.

00:51:38:09 - 00:51:52:08
Unknown
And when we could talk, it wasn't just the typical like, oh, what's going on there? What's going on there? It was. Oh, what chapter you on? What's going on? What did you think of this exchange. So we transfer that to our kids. And some of it was reading the book. Some of it was watching like the BBC adaptations.

00:51:52:10 - 00:52:09:16
Unknown
And I knew that we were on to something because of two instances. The first instance was when all of a sudden one of my daughters was talking to me about some drama within the friend group. And again, it's like when you're talking about like early teenage drama or middle school or high school drama is like, oh, do am I really?

00:52:09:18 - 00:52:26:09
Unknown
And then my daughter goes, dad, she was she was being like a Lydia. Like, oh, now I understand the context of the conversation. Right? So we have this we had this special thing where if she told any of her friends, you're being a Lydia, they were like, what are you talking about? But now, Mom and Dad, with our kids, we have this.

00:52:26:12 - 00:52:46:01
Unknown
We have this language that is from shared experience and and whatnot. So now it's like, oh, she's been a little oh well. So that was cool. The second one was this this is the most important one guys. We've been watching these BBC adaptations of Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice. My like 12 year old daughter that she was 12 at the time.

00:52:46:01 - 00:53:10:20
Unknown
My youngest daughter was about I guess she was about seven, were watching it and then were watching a different show. And my 12 year old daughter goes, daddy! Like, what? What? Just she just kissed him. And I go, okay, daddy, they're not properly engaged. She's going to lose her character. I'm like, you're absolutely right. That's that. Yes. That's why you should never kiss anyone.

00:53:10:20 - 00:53:45:10
Unknown
You're not properly engaged to exactly the best of your whole family. That's yeah, messed up. You're exactly right. And then she's like, well, daddy, did you kiss mommy before you were engaged? No. But all of that to say no, that's a long kind of silly story. But all of that to say that as a dad, creating those environments where you have that, those shared cultural experiences which are somewhat unique to you and your kids, provides a whole new language and an arena of understanding that they can then refer to when they're talking about something else in the world.

00:53:45:10 - 00:54:07:09
Unknown
But, you know, maybe you're trying to catch up or you're trying to understand and it builds connection. It really does build genuine connection to be able to have those discussions and to be able to work through issues and, to be able to, you know, tell your kids, like a lot of times when my kids will repeat something when they were little or when they would repeat something back to me that I knew they had heard from me, and maybe it was a controversial issue.

00:54:07:09 - 00:54:33:16
Unknown
I'd look back and be like, why do you say that? Well, daddy, that's what. No, no, no. Why do you believe that? Why do you believe that? I know what daddy believes, and I know where you heard it. But why do you believe it? And actually taking the time to have those discussions and work through issues, what ends up happening is that whether the issue is political or whether the issue is a friend group issue, or whether the issue is spiritual, or their walk with God, or whether it's a boyfriend one day or a girlfriend one day.

00:54:33:18 - 00:54:52:11
Unknown
What happens is, is that from their earliest memories, they remember you guys engaging in conversations and working through problems and working through challenges. And so now the most natural thing in the world when they're having an issue is to come to dad and be like, okay, well, what do you think about this? Or someone said this and how should I take it?

00:54:52:11 - 00:55:12:24
Unknown
Or, you know, dad, I had this happen and this is how I responded, you know, what do you think of this? And there is no better position for a father to be in than when your teenage kids want to come to you for advice to explain what's going on and how they can do it better. But that all starts very early.

00:55:12:27 - 00:55:28:11
Unknown
Very early. I had somebody asked me once like, do you have your teenage daughter or your teenage son really remember what you did when they were three? No, of course not. But when they're five, they remember what you did at three. When they're seven, they remember what you did at five. When they're 13, they remember what you did at ten.

00:55:28:14 - 00:55:46:19
Unknown
And by the time they're into those years where now they can start to make decisions, they can have lifelong impacts on them. Right. We're not talking about just coloring on walls now. Right? This is stuff that can alter the entire course of their future. There. Now it's it's natural. Of course I'm going to talk to my father about this.

00:55:46:22 - 00:56:06:25
Unknown
I mean it doesn't mean I won't maybe talk to other people as well. But I have an elevated other people in their lives to the degree where they're the experts. And I'm not. Because again, when you do that, you have now attempted you've you've delegated authority. That's fine. Sometimes it's appropriate. I don't do I want to do open heart surgery on my children.

00:56:06:25 - 00:56:31:07
Unknown
I would delegate that authority to the doctor right. But when it comes to the education and raising of your children, when it comes to their their moral framework, the way that they die, or if you have put somebody else in that position of being the primary instructor, then you don't get to be surprised when they reject your values, when they reject your faith, when they reject all of it because you told them to value somebody else's opinion more than yours.

00:56:31:07 - 00:56:51:11
Unknown
Now, the other side of this is, and this is a good thing for men, when you do put yourself in that position of, I'm going to have to be the one to give sound, godly advice, man, I better be good at it. I bet I better be in my scripture. I better be intellectually sound. I better be able to think through things critically.

00:56:51:11 - 00:57:15:12
Unknown
I better be able to be really good at listening with the intention of understanding, not just responding right. I better be good at these things. And so you find this wonderful incentive to become good at all of these things that you need to spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually, professionally, so that you can be that person for your kids. And the end result is not only are they made better for it, you're made better for it.

00:57:15:14 - 00:57:45:04
Unknown
And everyone else that has to interact with you is made better for it. But if we don't show up on purpose and that what I what I just heard you talk about was effectively this idea of purposefully showing up. So in like where it is your intention to occur to your family in this way. And so like ultimately, I say that that I am responsible for the environment in which my family operates and I, as a business owner, am responsible for the environment in which my employees operate.

00:57:45:07 - 00:58:09:28
Unknown
Therefore, it then becomes my responsibility. Now I can I can include other people into this, but I am ultimately responsible for the environment. And it's a culture then becomes my responsibility. So if I take a look at the culture, I don't get to blame. A popular culture like you don't get to blame popular culture for the culture in your home.

00:58:10:00 - 00:58:34:16
Unknown
You don't get to blame circumstances in the work environment or the economy or whatever else for the the culture in your organization you like. You can. I'm just saying, like, ultimately it's your responsibility. I know that because you're the head of it, like you are the head of your family, you the head of your organization. Therefore, every like all failure in an organization is leadership failure.

00:58:34:16 - 00:58:53:15
Unknown
I say what I mean. I think that so look, I can I think we can all get knowledge that there are things that can happen beyond your control. But like you said, ultimately what leadership is is that okay? This happened. It's beyond our control. But how we respond to it is not beyond our control. So what do we do next?

00:58:53:17 - 00:59:15:12
Unknown
And the other thing that that ends up doing is it's a completely different mindset. One of the biggest problems we have in our society right now is a victim mentality, which leads to an entitlement mindset. So it's the nothing's my fault because everything is systemic. It's everything is was. Yeah, my bags were packed for me by my parents or by, you know, politics or by history or whatever it is.

00:59:15:15 - 00:59:44:05
Unknown
And the end result is all you can focus on is these injustices, real or imagined. And all you can do is sit around requiring somebody else to go get it for you, go get the things that I'm entitled to that I deserve, that I'm owed. Well, on the other side, if you have a mentality of taking responsibility for those things that you can control or have some sort of, you know, control over, well, then all of a sudden it's not that you don't notice when an injustice takes place.

00:59:44:05 - 01:00:04:05
Unknown
It's not you don't notice when something beyond your control impacts you, it's that you're automatically searching for solutions to problems. And a lot of times you're looking at challenges from the standpoint of this is not just a challenge I have. I have to overcome. This is an opportunity. Maybe we need to change the way we do things. Maybe we need to adapt, whether it's within your family or to the marketplace.

01:00:04:05 - 01:00:22:26
Unknown
Right? Maybe we need to do this. But when your mindset is focused on this idea that, look, I always have a job and I always have a responsibility and sometimes crappy things are going to happen. But those are huge opportunities to demonstrate to my family, to the people that work with me or for me that I can be trusted in the store, right?

01:00:22:26 - 01:00:58:07
Unknown
I'm the safe harbor and the store. And the end result is, is that I don't know if I don't know of a single successful relationship or business that hasn't had to deal with a crisis point, and what ultimately made them truly successful was how they dealt with the crisis point. And so if you can, if you can just expect that these things are going to come and you can take the proper mindset of my job is to be able to when that crisis point comes, you know, be able to adapt and overcome, well, then, you know, you, you.

01:00:58:08 - 01:01:14:06
Unknown
And that's how I think. That's how you actually genuinely achieve that kind of long term stability. And, and the sort of culture that that then becomes resilient to crisis is and sees them as opportunities when everybody else is running for the hills or just being destroyed by them. Culture is one of those things we get to leave behind when we leave this earth.

01:01:14:21 - 01:01:49:27
Unknown
Right. It's like and so yes, you can leave behind a giant pot of money and a house and the vacation home and the ski boat and all the things. Yeah. And though the thing that no one can take from your children or from those that know you, is the culture that you leave behind. And as a leader in my home and as a leader in my business and as a leader of men in my community, the men, the culture that I get to leak everywhere I go, like I find it so that I find it a blessing to me and that that it makes me hyper aware them of like paying attention to the

01:01:49:27 - 01:02:19:26
Unknown
way in which I show up, paying attention to the way in which I occur to the world. And so I believe, though, that most men who aren't used to going victims, if you ask most men, they would never admit to being a victim. Yet when it comes to their own individual family unit, what ends up occurring is that to all too easy, they go to explaining away why their family is, like not as cohesive or their kids run away from them when problems happen instead of to them, like you mentioned.

01:02:19:28 - 01:02:56:25
Unknown
And so to those men, I would ask you if you were to get real and get honest with yourself and recognize that inside your own family, like at least I say, and I'd invite you, anyone listening to this to consider that, if that isn't happening, if your children aren't running to you with issues, instead they're going somewhere else, like the I'm asking you to consider that it's your responsibility that the environment that you've created, the this, the the goings on there, the results are there that you created those results, by the way, in which you occurred to your family.

01:02:56:28 - 01:03:18:18
Unknown
And it's like by stepping in there, being honest and putting ten toes in the sand and taking a true, authentic look at the way in which your family's operating. If you're unhappy with those results, don't pick up shame. Let's get curious in what way can I start to build the culture that I say I want? First, I get clear on what it is I want and how I how do I want my kids to respond?

01:03:18:18 - 01:03:42:11
Unknown
Me what I want to, what do I want to leave behind and then go and begin to be the kind of man that your kids can come to when they have issues. Be the kind of man that does look for taking responsibility when the storm comes. But who is it that you be? Instead of pointing the finger out and saying it's the circumstances, it's popular culture.

01:03:42:11 - 01:04:08:04
Unknown
All these things are happening to me in my family unit. No no no no no no, it's you. The buck stops with you. And that's that's a I see a lot of men. And again, I think that I absolutely agree. I think there's a lot of men that feel that lately the culture has been so against them that I and I see this a lot with young, unmarried men who want to be married, who feel as if that's never going to happen now.

01:04:08:06 - 01:04:24:10
Unknown
And I had, my co-host at one point kind of took me to task on this. He's like, you know, he goes, Nick, you don't understand what it's like out there. I said, okay, I'm sorry. Is it tougher for you than it was for the guys who were at war? Is it tougher for you than the 19 year old that when that's, you know, charge the beaches in Normandy?

01:04:24:12 - 01:04:38:24
Unknown
And he looks at me and he goes, well, thank you for that arrogant response. But let me explain to you what's different. The guy that stormed the beaches at Normandy knew exactly why he was doing it. He knew he knew he was going to come home. He knew he was going to be able to get married. He knew he was going to be able to have a kid.

01:04:38:24 - 01:04:52:18
Unknown
He knew he was going to be able to have a home. Like they knew what they were fighting for, because it was tangible and everybody agreed that they were good things to work for. He goes, what do you do when there is no war? And there's very little possibility of actually getting married and having kids? What do you do then?

01:04:52:20 - 01:05:11:09
Unknown
What? What great what great beach are you asking me? The storm, Nick and I was like, dang. Yeah, they lack hope. There's a there's a lack of hope with young man right now. Yeah. And and I remember and I'll tell you what, it was good for me. Right. Because I apologized to him. I said, you're right. I have a I don't think I'm ultimately wrong.

01:05:11:09 - 01:05:36:11
Unknown
And what I'm saying, but I do think I've been pretty arrogant in the way that I put forward. And I miss something, and I miss that. I think some of our young men would is weird is the sounds they would die for a crisis or a struggle that they could actually leave in. Yeah. And and that would yield the sort of of results and respect, that previous generation of, of men have had.

01:05:36:13 - 01:05:55:26
Unknown
Yeah. And right now they feel like the greatest crisis is an, a complete assault on masculinity, where how do you how do you fight it? And it and it led me to go down this path of saying, gosh, we've got to for those of us who are a little bit older, if you're in your 40s, right, you have experienced a very, very different world than if you're under 20 or 30s right now.

01:05:55:28 - 01:06:19:04
Unknown
For young men. And I think one of the things that that needs to be acknowledges that the fight right now is a lot more pernicious. It's a lot more, it just feels more evil in some ways because of what it's doing to the mentality of young men. But you are starting to see young men revolt against this, because I do think one of the things that we have to continue to push forward in is for the young men that are not married.

01:06:19:04 - 01:06:41:06
Unknown
It's like, this sucks and it shouldn't be this way, but it doesn't get better without you. Like, that's the point. The point is, is that they haven't shut down young men in this world because you're not powerful. They've tried to shut you down because you are right. They're trying to rob you of of the future that you have to go and fight by convincing you that it doesn't really exist, or that it's fake and they're you're failing.

01:06:41:07 - 01:06:59:16
Unknown
I'm here to tell you it is it is there in your beach. Yeah, yeah. And then the other side of it for for the men that are married, for the men. They do have kids but but are struggling with, with what that responsibility means it. Bad news. Good news. Right. The bad news is, is that it's your fault.

01:06:59:19 - 01:07:29:02
Unknown
Or maybe it's entirely your fault. The good news is, is that means you have you have the ability to change it. And it is a testimony to the grace of God that even the littlest, even the smallest attempt to try to do it right usually yields incredible fruit. I look back now and, and, you know, I had somebody that was very generously complimenting me on, you know, what they learned from me as being a husband and a father.

01:07:29:04 - 01:07:56:08
Unknown
And I said, I want to make something very, very clear up front. I could write a far bigger book on all the things I did wrong. I could write a far bigger book on all the times that I screwed up. But again, it is a testament to the fact that when you, at the very least are diligently saying, okay, I want to get better, I want to improve, and I use Scripture as my guideline for how to do that, that it yields, again, a tremendous benefit.

01:07:56:11 - 01:08:13:12
Unknown
And I'm not going to lie to anybody. The earlier you start that in your marriage and as your journey as a father, the easier it's going to be. It is more difficult when you're trying to make up for a lot of years lost. It is, but it's not impossible. And sometimes it just starts with, again, that kind of Jeremy's point.

01:08:13:12 - 01:08:30:26
Unknown
Sometimes it just kind of starts with going in to your son, to your daughter, and being genuinely curious about what's going on their life, about the challenges that they're facing, and just being able to listen. It's not about immediately coming up, we need to do this, or they should do that or this shouldn't be that way. Like, okay, what did you think about that?

01:08:30:28 - 01:08:50:11
Unknown
Like being the person that can walk them through the process of what they're thinking, what they're feeling, why, and then helping to navigate that into what is the what is the biblical response for this? You know, being that person is critical and it's amazing how it yields for. And it's amazing how you can even tell your kids I was wrong on that.

01:08:50:11 - 01:09:10:27
Unknown
Or, you know what, I went through something like that too. And you know, nothing. Nothing is giving me greater joy than telling my kids. I'm just so proud that you guys are in a much stronger relationship with your walk with Christ than I was at your age. Right. Acknowledging them when they, when they've, they've achieved something, they've done something that's true and noble and honorable.

01:09:11:27 - 01:09:30:07
Unknown
Yeah I again I just can't emphasize that enough. I don't want me to despair when we talk about it's your responsibility. I want them to see the power that exists within those two words. Your response ability, because you're not doing it alone. Ultimately, you have God and you can surround yourself with other men. They're on a similar journey that want you to get to the same place.

01:09:30:12 - 01:09:49:10
Unknown
And there's nothing more powerful than being surrounded by godly men who want you to succeed, but will hold you to account during that journey. And that I see the benefit of. I see the the possibilities of it. You don't get to carry the down pilot by yourself. Yeah, yeah. That's so good. Well, as as we start to close out.

01:09:49:13 - 01:10:09:11
Unknown
Nick, what's, what is something that you're working on? Like, what's your vision? So you're making an impact on social media. You're making an impact politically. You're, You're a thought leader. What what are you working towards? Like, just curious. What? Thankfully, my, my producer, my business partner, Nick Hamilton, we had that. We had the same commitment.

01:10:09:11 - 01:10:26:00
Unknown
We did this. We said, all right, look, we have to establish this, that we're doing this for the glory of God, because it can be really easy to chase the algorithm and to chase this. And I fall prey to that before. And we and I ever once. Well, we'll reset, right? We'll hold each other accountable, we'll reset, and we'll focus on what do we need to do.

01:10:26:05 - 01:10:43:11
Unknown
And so a lot of it is when I when I talk about being obedient in the moment, that's a, that's a daily thing and small things. But that's also about you know it's a fine thing to, to design plans, but don't become so focused on what your vision of what the plan ultimately should be, that you can't pivot when God is presenting opportunities.

01:10:43:14 - 01:11:03:15
Unknown
I know for me, there's two things I this is something we prayed about, but I always ask, there's a lot of content out there. Why do people stop me in the airport? And what I've noticed is people seldom stop me in the airport to be like, hey, I love your content because you really own the libs on that speech.

01:11:03:18 - 01:11:22:00
Unknown
Usually it's like, hey, thank you for what you said about raising daughters. I have a three year old daughter right now and I'm, you know, implementing some of the things you said about spending time or it's, hey, thank you. What you said about raising sons or hey, thank you for what you said about, you know, how how you treat your wife or, you know, being the spiritual leader of your household.

01:11:22:00 - 01:11:43:12
Unknown
And so we've looked at that and we kind of see God pushing us in two directions. One is leaning a lot more and building the sort of communities where we are helping people strengthen the relationships that they already have with their spouses and kids. And the other side that is is really for me. It's when people always ask me in politics, what would be the one hill you would what would be a hill you would die on?

01:11:43:15 - 01:12:10:02
Unknown
Like, it's education. It's absolutely education. I think we've given the government far too much control over education, and we have set up this environment where the parents are no longer seen as as subject matter experts in their kids lives are no longer seen as educators in their kids lives. And so we're trying to develop a lot more lean more into parents that want an alternative outside of primarily the government schooling model, whether it's homeschool, whether it's something else.

01:12:10:02 - 01:12:29:20
Unknown
But they want to once again reclaim that ability to be a primary educator in their children's lives. We want to facilitate that on our on our platform. We want to be able to provide people with resources, with curriculum, with the ability to chat with other parents about, hey, what are you doing? What's working, what's not. But ultimately, it's about fostering that kind of new test.

01:12:29:21 - 01:12:53:05
Unknown
It testament, you know, book of acts, Christian community where when there's when there's a problem, when there's a struggle, when there's an issue, we don't automatically, instinctively think, I'm going to call my legislator, right? Or if I just vote differently, this is going to happen. But it's more about seeing that the church is supposed to be the ones doing a lot of the things that the government currently does.

01:12:53:07 - 01:13:08:28
Unknown
And my wife so, you know, she summed up all this beautifully one day she said, you know, when we allow God to do that or excuse me, when we allow the government to do the things that God intended for the church, then government gets the glory and it has an insatiable lust for power. And I think that's a big reason why we find ourselves in.

01:13:08:28 - 01:13:27:15
Unknown
So the more we can build that community, both in person, both online, to let people know that they're not alone, that there's other people that are doing this. And to get them in touch with other groups like yours that are doing very similar things. That's what we want. We want to foster that larger community and network of people that are are earnestly seeking God.

01:13:27:18 - 01:13:49:14
Unknown
How close are you to the homeschool program? Very close. I absolutely love that. That was that's been on my mind for years, that there is such a wide open space for someone to do it right. Like, rarely do I know there's some other, that there's multiple programs out there that have Christian values, built in, but nothing quite epic or just real incredible.

01:13:49:14 - 01:14:12:24
Unknown
So I'm curious that whenever you launch that, let us know and we can share that with our community. Yeah, that's something we're going to, we're building like an introduction right now. And then we're part of what we're doing too, is we're allowing our community to kind of influence what some of this looks like, because the part of the problem, part of the problem with certain elements of homeschooling is what they've attempted to do is replicate the public school model at home, and it's not what you want to do.

01:14:12:25 - 01:14:42:01
Unknown
You're not trying to do that. You're trying to create in your children enduring love for learning and for understanding God's created order. God's. You know what? What he's built the value systems that he's put in place and then providing for the fact I, I said this once, on a, on another podcast where I said, you know, I think we're going to find out years from now that there were a lot of children that we had assigned a learning disability to ADHD, you know, whatever it might be.

01:14:42:03 - 01:14:58:18
Unknown
And we're going to find out later that what they had was not only a disability, it was a capability once it was put in the right environment. And so that's one of the things that we want to encourage is we're not here to tell you that this is the curriculum or this is the approach. We're trying to say that there are certain foundational principles that apply no matter what.

01:14:58:20 - 01:15:20:14
Unknown
And then it's about being able to once again recapture this idea of you being a primary educator in your children's life. And instead of this mass production approach to education, let's have an individualized, approach that allows you to grow in your faith and to develop the skill sets and the capabilities that you need in order to be everything God's intended to be.

01:15:20:29 - 01:15:39:25
Unknown
It's great, I love it. Yeah. We'd love to. You, as you come out with that, I'm always I always keep my eyes open for who's who's building. Just a program that would be. Yeah. Again. Just. Yeah. So. So if you're, whenever you're ready to launch that, let us know, and we will. Again, I love this.

01:15:39:25 - 01:15:56:23
Unknown
You to to our community. We have a a decent percentage of our community actually. Does homeschooling with their kids. And then there's a lot of people looking at homeschooling right now. Yeah. So it's a, great way to make a big impact. How can, So how can people get Ahold of you, Nick? Well, we made it easy.

01:15:56:27 - 01:16:16:10
Unknown
If you just go to Nick j freight is, dot com or Nick j freight us. That's all of our social media. Excuse me. So our YouTube channel where we have the wine minutes we have making the argument. We have other things that we do on there. We have a be a man series on, on YouTube that talks about a little bit of the things that I just learned, both getting it right and getting it wrong, and being a husband and a father.

01:16:16:10 - 01:16:36:20
Unknown
But all of it is just Nick J. Freydis, you go there, you find us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, every everything else. So it's kind of a one stop shop. Fantastic. Well, I appreciate, appreciate you jumping on the show. And thanks again, Jeremy, for being involved in this too. Man. It's great to have two SF guys on the, on this podcast, dropping some wisdom and some bombs.

01:16:37:11 - 01:16:43:23
Unknown
Yeah. Thank you again. And man, let's keep, making an impact for the glory of God. Sounds great. Thank you guys for to do.