Protection vs Freedom: The Debate That Divides Fathers

In this Rise Up Kings conversation, we debate national sovereignty (Venezuela/Greenland), then zoom into fatherhood: protecting your kids from outside influence, how to navigate fear, the 3 phases of parenting (train → teach → trust), homeschool/co-op strategies, boundaries like no sleepovers, and raising spiritually grounded, capable young men.

Watch if you’re a dad trying to lead with conviction, clarity, and wisdom in today’s culture.

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For more information on Rise Up Kings, go to https://riseupkings.com/youtube

Not ready to do an in-person event? Join our online community here riseupkings.com/4pillarman-yt

Transcript

00;00;00;00 - 00;00;17;06
Unknown
If the UN was unhappy with Trump and they believed the things he was doing, war crimes, whatever. Would I be okay with the UN coming up and snatching it at Trump in the night? And my answer is absolutely no. I'd pick up a rifle for that. There's a difference between being a peaceful man and being a harmless man, unless you have the capacity for violence.

00;00;17;07 - 00;00;38;22
Unknown
That's not a peaceful man. Virtue requires the capacity for the antithesis. Do you allow your kids to do sleepovers at other people's houses? I don't know. The idea of homeschooling on paper sounds fantastic. The concerns I have about stepping into homeschooling is there will never be peace in my home again. What's this guy's name in Venezuela? Maduro. I say that right.

00;00;38;25 - 00;00;55;16
Unknown
Yeah. I love the U.S. military. I devoted a huge part of my life to it. I don't like the idea that we snatch that guy up. I don't I don't like the idea. Like, I get it. He's a dictator. He's done these awful things. But I believe in sovereign nations. And, I'm not a big fan of that, even as much as I love the military.

00;00;55;16 - 00;01;14;18
Unknown
And I think we did it in excellence. It's like I reverse it. And I say, if the UN was unhappy with Trump and they believed the things he was doing were war crimes or whatever. Would I be okay with the UN coming up and snatching out Trump of the night? And my answer is absolutely no. I'd pick up a rifle for that.

00;01;14;20 - 00;01;36;29
Unknown
What do you believe about conquering nations? Yeah, it's still not a big it's still not a big fan of conquering nations either. I believe that kind of like the boundaries that have been set up nationally right now should be respected just on all parties. And if something needs to change, I believe wholeheartedly it should come from the people of that area that are, that they're dealing with it.

00;01;37;00 - 00;01;59;01
Unknown
Now, I don't believe that they can't get assistance like I believe absolutely, in, nations assisting movements in other areas. And I believe in those things. I just think it's bad precedent for a country to go in and remove another leader. I'm your huckleberry. All right, let's go, let's go, let's go. Okay, so, for years we said, hey, man, basically I'm paraphrasing.

00;01;59;02 - 00;02;20;18
Unknown
Hey, man, cut it out. You are like, if you're not the head of this drug cartel, you're somewhere up in the executive team, right? You're in an E suite, and so cut it out. You're pushing all these drugs across our borders into our people, negatively affecting our people. Cut it out. For years and years, we've been using all this diplomacy.

00;02;20;25 - 00;02;46;14
Unknown
Tell him to cut it out. Him specifically like to his face through all the different forums we have said repeatedly over multiple presidents. So Trump in 2020, even Biden had some conversation that like stop, stop the drugs from coming over to our country. And then ultimately, at the beginning of Trump's presidency, this time, effectively, it was a if you don't, there's going to be consequences.

00;02;46;14 - 00;03;13;04
Unknown
And still instead of, correcting his action, which was having negative direct negative result inside our borders, those the influences happening from outside of our borders. Totally understand your contention with, the sovereignty of a nation. And so part of the idea of a sovereignty of a nation, in my opinion, though, is that the influence on our nation, just like the influence to my family, can happen from external sources.

00;03;13;05 - 00;03;33;20
Unknown
And so then what I work to do then, as a father in my household, the leader of my household is I work to to reduce the negative influence to my environment happens inside my walls. That may mean shutting off YouTube or making it where there's only YouTube kids, or putting time constraints on these things from the outside sources coming in.

00;03;33;22 - 00;03;54;17
Unknown
And so what I experience, with the whole Maduro thing is that we gave dozens and dozens of warnings and we did all the talky talky that we could do. We tried to flex and all the different ways we tried to make it sting economically. We tried to make it sting, like, in all these different ways.

00;03;54;17 - 00;04;31;22
Unknown
And so it got to the point where he was still being, He was still being the aggressor to our people inside our borders. And, and we did the thing in a surgical manner such that only our military could have pulled off something so surgical when we did it, with the least amount of loss of life possible with the the most consideration for the people of Venezuela possible and and for the like effect respecting Venezuela's sovereignty by going in and removing the single threat, the single threat.

00;04;31;22 - 00;04;51;12
Unknown
This was the thing we went in, surgically removed the piece of cancer from the thing, and then it would have been so much easier and saved us so much money if we just put a round through that guy's noggin, we would solve the problem, and then we wouldn't have had. We wouldn't have filled up the courts. We wouldn't have had to put any gas in that airplane to fly him and his wife back to the US.

00;04;51;14 - 00;05;09;02
Unknown
None of those things would have had to happen. But because of what I experienced as the integrity of who our nation is and the optics, obviously, to everyone that we took him and brought him to justice, like actual legal justice instead of Batman justice, you know, just putting a bullet in his head. So I'm going to take one short.

00;05;09;02 - 00;05;49;19
Unknown
So I agree with you 100%. And this for the precedent of the action. This is where my because I would agree with everything you just said. And I would say this is also true for me. The problem for me is that often morality in the world is is secular in nature. Sure. So my issue to be is if like say, for example, Europe, where abortion is much more prevalent, or maybe an area of the of the world where, oppression of Christians is much more prevalent, then you could take that same argument that you just laid out and apply it from like Europe coming to us and saying, hey, us you guys or, you know,

00;05;49;19 - 00;06;09;08
Unknown
you're Christians are doing these things. You're stopping people from having abortions, you're doing these things. And then they use that same premise that you just used to remove our president. And I don't agree with that. I believe that's for us to decide, just like I believe in states rights. Like I you know, I'm not I'm not a fan of what they're doing in some states and I don't live there.

00;06;09;14 - 00;06;27;07
Unknown
Right, right. And I have and it's for them to sort out. Right. So I think it's just the precedent of it. But I agree 100% with everything you said. Yeah. Yeah. And the president's an interesting one. Like it's the idea, it goes back to this idea of virtue. Right. Like there's a difference between being a peaceful man and being a harmless man, right?

00;06;27;08 - 00;06;57;08
Unknown
Like you say, like, oh, I'm. I'm about being peaceful. But unless you have the capacity for violence, that's not a peaceful man. That's a harmless man. Like you're not capable of doing anything to the contrary. And so, virtue, in my opinion, requires the capacity for the antithesis. And so, if some other country had a problem with the fact that, like, say, we outlaw abortion in the United States and then some, some country in Europe has a problem with that.

00;06;57;08 - 00;07;12;12
Unknown
And, and they have tried through, say this and it is exactly the same. They tried to communicate with us and we said no thanks or whatever else, then they would need to possess the ability to come and do what we did. And so this is why I love the idea that we spend a ton of money on the military.

00;07;12;12 - 00;07;34;25
Unknown
I love the fact that we are that we have a nation of capable warfighters and love the idea that we change the name of the Department of Defense to the Department of War. I think it reflects the culture and the intent really, really well, to change the name to match what it is, is our actual intent. War is a defense, is a part of war, but it is a subcategory of war.

00;07;34;27 - 00;07;53;26
Unknown
There is also an offensive portion to war. My point, ultimately is that if some other country doesn't like that, then they need to possess the capacity that is greater than ours to go and execute that thing. But they don't. Because in my view, are a nation of virtue. Does that make sense? And so you can have the desire to do that thing, but you also need the capacity to do it.

00;07;53;28 - 00;08;17;00
Unknown
And we are a nation who possesses the capacity to to prevent that from happening. So I think you guys just have two different opinions, opinions on it. Yeah, we have similar viewpoints on, what's happening, but then you just have two separate opinions on, a nation's sovereignty, right? Yeah. I think I sit somewhere in the middle of that.

00;08;17;00 - 00;08;35;01
Unknown
And what I when I first heard the news of that and now I'm seeing, like, people's fear around Greenland. Right. Like now, now it looks like a credible threat, right? Like Trump would Trump. Yeah. Yeah. There's go just go randomly take over Greenland because I needed the resources and some of the other there's some other there's more more context to that.

00;08;35;03 - 00;08;53;07
Unknown
But now it's like, what is what would he really go do that? And then I think we can get into it. That's been a bully in my opinion. That would be a Greenland thing is a bully. Yeah, yeah, I think I think the optics are really important. On why we went into Venezuela. You know, like it's it's it was a pretty like that guy.

00;08;53;07 - 00;09;28;01
Unknown
What? Maduro was a very, divisive, dangerous. I just bet he's a narco was causing. Yeah. That was exactly. Yeah, exactly. So there was so I I'm, I'm, I'm pro doing it the way it happened and I if it if it happens again then I'm going to have some red flags. If this becomes a pattern of what Trump's doing or what we're doing as a nation, if we start just walking into people's countries and start pulling people out that like to say, if this happens again soon, then then we got some, but we got we got some stuff to work through when it's the same idea with, well, hell, like like I don't believe

00;09;28;01 - 00;09;50;18
Unknown
violence is wrong. I believe violence is a moral. But if you it's like I possess the capacity for violence. But if I went and just used my violence all the time, then. Then I step off into the. I've taken this thing that is inherently a moral, and I'm using it for this immoral function. And so, so, like the way in which we do things matter.

00;09;50;18 - 00;10;07;12
Unknown
And I agree with you, like the, the way in which we handled the Venezuela thing. I'm very much in support of the way things are trending with Greenland. Well, we need to back up. Like, have we tried as much diplomacy as we did in Venezuela over the course of eight years, over something so much more impactful to the people of our nation?

00;10;07;19 - 00;10;25;06
Unknown
Greenland is simply just strategically important because of its geo location. I think the overall Trump has a good track record of not doing this. I ran a great deal of that. We went in hit, I ran and then got out. Yeah. You know, he yeah, he doesn't have a track record of swooping up on on national leaders and just, just, just doing that.

00;10;25;06 - 00;10;56;09
Unknown
So he's not a, that's that's not his general. Strategy. So I feel pushing effort into the military industrial complex, which is what other presidents have done, like push these long form wars, they just push more money and build their own coffers. Yeah. Into the military industrial complex. Yeah. So when I think about the analogy of how you manage your house and you think about being a leader of your home, you're going to make certain decisions and you have the sovereignty to rule and reign within your house.

00;10;56;12 - 00;11;19;18
Unknown
Now if there's a neighbor who is allowing things to happen that's impacting your homes, impacting your yards, impacting the health of your kids on their way home from schools, creating danger, it's creating an environment where you, as the protector of your home, now realize that this is impacting your family. After the warning and the the the nice conversation, the amicable conversation with your neighbors like, hey, man, look, we got a problem.

00;11;19;20 - 00;11;38;00
Unknown
Your grass is growing crazy. You're not taking care of pest control like rats are coming to my house. Like, if we get to a point now where your decisions are impacting me, it is up to me to make a decision to protect my home. You got to check in. Yep, yep. So now with the example going back to Europe in the in the abortion thing.

00;11;38;00 - 00;12;04;05
Unknown
Right. If they're making decisions that are impacting them but it's not negatively impacting our nation, then in that example I would say this is their decision, right. But if there's something that you're deciding that's impacting me now, I have the opportunity to do something about that. And and with our efforts through many conversations, as Jeremy talked about earlier and giving plenty of opportunity, it is comes to a point now where this is affecting our nation in a negative manner.

00;12;04;07 - 00;12;23;27
Unknown
It's up to us to do something about that. Yeah, I'm with that. And I say you stay on that analogy. If I'm having a problem with my neighbor, I don't have in our current system, I don't have the legal authority to go into that home and remove the husband as a civilian. There's a process for that 100%. Right.

00;12;24;02 - 00;12;43;26
Unknown
And and I think on a bigger scale, that's kind of what we did. We went in and snatched their husband. Right. And and wife. We took them both. Right. So I'm just saying I'm not super crazy about that. And it even ties into the same theme in some of our local politics. Like Trump is passing some laws and making some policies that I'm a huge fan of.

00;12;43;28 - 00;13;07;10
Unknown
But I know he's not always going to be in office. So some of the policies that he's pushing forward through the federal, through the federal Avenue for the states, like, hey, you're going to, you know, you're not going to have the sanctuary city anymore. I know that there's a possibility that in the future that he won't be in office and someone else with that precedent can do the same thing in the reverse, which I would not be very happy with because I don't want Washington dictating what happens in my city.

00;13;07;10 - 00;13;24;09
Unknown
What happens in my city. Yeah, right. And I believe that is the true beauty of the United States, that if you live in Iowa and you don't like the way things are going, you don't have to live there. You can pack up and move. And that's part of the beauty of this country. Agreed. Yeah. How does this relate to what's happening inside of our own country?

00;13;24;09 - 00;13;44;10
Unknown
And the risk we talk about our families being at risk from what's happening in the neighbors. And that's actually what's what's happening, right? Our country. Fortunately, there's a lot of, immoral behavior and things that are affecting our children, especially if they're in public school, which you homeschool your kids. Do they end up. No, no, my kids go to public school.

00;13;44;11 - 00;14;06;23
Unknown
Yeah. We some combination. Yeah, yeah. We spent about a decade homeschooling everybody. Yeah. And now there's a combination based on their gifts, their unique talents and abilities. So. Yep. Yep. So, what what is a man's responsibility to protect his family and to make sure that outside influences aren't getting to his kids? I believe as man. Right. We're called to be providers and protectors.

00;14;07;00 - 00;14;25;22
Unknown
How far do we go to make sure that our kids are being protected? And what do we see as a credible threat? Like, what do you see as a credible threat, Jim, with your kids going to public school? Let's we'll just talk about school for a moment. What do you see as a credible threat? And then what would be the action taken towards it?

00;14;25;24 - 00;14;48;04
Unknown
Also, their own particular ability matters, right? So when my kids are really young, I feel a responsibility to protect them from outside influence because I can't go throughout their life. I can't go ahead of them throughout their life and remove any negative influence, remove negative circumstances. What I can do, though, is show them how to navigate through circumstances.

00;14;48;04 - 00;15;23;18
Unknown
And so something starts to switch, at least in my view. Something starts to switch as they get, as they get older, they start maturing a bit. We start switching from dad protecting and dad and dad goes from protecting to dad showing how to navigate those negative circumstances or the the negative influence. And so still while though like managing that like there's only a degree of negative influence that I would allow my oldest daughter's 15, but let's say she's 16 and she's like, oh, dad, I want to go out with some of my friends tonight to this really terrible part of town.

00;15;23;21 - 00;15;54;25
Unknown
I'm going to park in this completely dark parking lot and then walk down the road a mile or two to this, party that's going well. No, no. Like, so. No, that's not going to happen. Like, because that is too much potential for negative circumstances to come her way. But if she's got problems going on at school and maybe there's some people saying things or people interacting with her in a way that is crossing some boundaries or something, I don't have to go to her school and like fend off that negative circumstance or negative influence from her.

00;15;54;25 - 00;16;18;00
Unknown
I instead can help her navigate that negative influence or negative circumstance. So somewhere along, and I believe this is different for every child because like my middle child is a little more adept, even though she's two years younger, she's a bit more adept at navigating like, savvy relational stuff than my older child is. And so it kind of depends on their personality.

00;16;18;00 - 00;16;33;16
Unknown
But there's a point at which it shifts from me being the actual protector to the way in which I protect it, helping them navigate. Yep, yep. By you being the protector, you're training them how to protect themselves. Yeah, because they're gonna walk you out into this life and build a life of their own. Yeah, yeah. Teacher child to fish that.

00;16;33;17 - 00;16;53;06
Unknown
Yeah. That's the key for me that that scripture came up immediately with this conversation in regards to the Bible says clearly, train up your child in the way that they should go. And when they're old, they will not depart from it. So for me, I believe there's really three phases in the development of a child. So the first is heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy heavy training.

00;16;53;08 - 00;17;06;05
Unknown
Don't touch the stove. Look both ways for you. Cross street, come here. Don't grab this. Don't put this in your mouth. Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. Boom boom boom. And then there's some habits established. But then around the age of six years old is to ask him, well, why? Why do I need to brush my teeth? Why this?

00;17;06;05 - 00;17;19;18
Unknown
Why this, daddy? And that's what we're going to teach them. So we're still training is now the foundation, but now we have this extra layer of teaching them in the process of training them. So now we're explaining why. So that they can begin to develop the synapses connections. And they can say, oh, this is why I need to do this.

00;17;19;18 - 00;17;36;25
Unknown
And then they can start to think on their own. But then around 1213, according to, you know, biblical standards, when we look at the word in Jewish culture, they become a man, right? So, so at that point, we're starting to really train them for adulthood. And this is where we step into the trusting phase. So we start with the training.

00;17;36;25 - 00;17;55;13
Unknown
Then we go into teaching. And then these are building layers to now trusting. And in that trusting phase I'm giving them room to fail safely. And in our culture at 18 most times they move out, go to college, get a job, whatever. But in that time frame, you now have about six years to fill safely and there's still a covering over you.

00;17;55;15 - 00;18;19;02
Unknown
So for us, we empower our children and we give them a lot more trust space. And we talk through situations so that they're equipped not only mentally, but we also provide some training physically for them as well. So we teach our kids how to defend themselves, like how somebody comes at you. Like we walk through these scenarios so that they're equipped to handle themselves in the event that they're ever in a situation like that or need to protect themselves or a sibling.

00;18;19;05 - 00;18;38;05
Unknown
So it's one of the things we do, and I like this idea goes for like, and then what happens in adulthood, in my view, like what I'm working to create and, we'll see if it works out because my oldest is 15. But like, what I'm working to create is that when my kids are adults, that I get to serve as their own, like board of directors for their life.

00;18;38;05 - 00;18;53;21
Unknown
Yeah. It's like the way my, like, business brain looks at this thing of like when you're 25 and looking at buying a house and you're, you're navigating all the mortgage information and whatever else, like do you come bring it to dad? I yeah, I've been down this road before. Like I've seen this paperwork before. I've dealt with interest rates before that.

00;18;53;21 - 00;19;12;21
Unknown
Come talk to me and then but for me to have built enough trust in them to have so many reps in their mind, instead of saying like, shut up, go sit down, get out of here, like, no, we we talked about the phases that you mentioned, Mondo, in that phase of when they ask why, man, I want to spend the time and talk through why.

00;19;12;22 - 00;19;31;18
Unknown
Here's what if we do this, then that, and if we go over here and then letting them, we get to experience some of those failures and letting it sting a bit. Not not not injured just hurt. Right. Like we're they get in. We're not we're not where they get injured. Not where they lose an arm or, or have irrecoverable damage.

00;19;31;21 - 00;19;51;29
Unknown
But yeah. Like I'll let them get hurt. You know, I let them get hurt and then we can talk about it. You know you like the results you produced. No. Cool. Maybe we put some different inputs in there and we get some different results. And then when they're old, my hope is that my children, as they get older, I get to serve on their individual like board of directors for their life to have that type of relationship.

00;19;52;01 - 00;20;17;13
Unknown
Yep. So good. So this is a thought that I've had recently. So my daughter's older, she's 18 now. She's gone to all public school. But in today's day and age with how fast things are changing, I think there's going to be new opportunities, especially for the Christian home. And I'm going to steal a line from a old Zig Ziglar here where he says, you know, your your attitude is way more important for us than your aptitude to determine your altitude.

00;20;17;17 - 00;20;35;24
Unknown
Right? Like your attitude is you can learn if you have the right attitude, you can learn any skill. And I believe where we are right now for society with the eye and, you know, potential, you know, people having robots in the home ten years from now, like there's nothing that's being taught at school that can't be learned at home through the internet.

00;20;35;24 - 00;20;49;16
Unknown
Like, I mean, back in the day, like, you know, if you if you were a farmer, right? You know, you know, a hundred years ago, if you're a farmer, you probably legitimately needed to send your kid off to school if he wanted to become a doctor because you could not give him those skills. Right. But that is changing.

00;20;49;18 - 00;21;10;14
Unknown
And it's going to be so important for the Christian family to keep their kids home to teach that attitude. Because I believe the attitude that's being taught in public schools right now is not serving as well as a nation is now serving the Christian home. So if you can keep that kid home and teach the attitude, you can have your robot teach all the attitude that kid will take off.

00;21;10;15 - 00;21;27;29
Unknown
I believe there's a cultural shift happening with home, school and even the, the family compound. Kids staying and being involved are being mentored by their fathers and their families, even more than they were previously like, as what would happen is kids would take off, they leave, they hit 18, then they leave and go fly across the country.

00;21;28;01 - 00;21;49;02
Unknown
And then the father would then lose that influence, really lose some of that influence that they would have on them. So it's my hope that my boys, I would love to see them stay close where I can have influence over their lives. Right? Be on their board, be their board, be their mentor, their guide. I want to be their guide, that's there to support them when they need when they need help, versus out of sight, out of mind.

00;21;49;02 - 00;22;05;01
Unknown
And so I, I'm a I'm a huge fan of homeschool. I'm a huge fan of like this growing and we don't know we don't do they go to a Christian? Private school which, which, which works. And Brendan's going to do he's going to do hybrid next year. So he's going to shift between, homeschool and, going to school.

00;22;05;01 - 00;22;21;24
Unknown
But it's just I feel like, I don't know, I feel like there's a good amount of parents that could do a better job. And especially when, you know, when we get our at home robot, he'll be doing a great job teaching Brad. Yeah, I doubt his plan. So that's it. But that's the future I believe is like more families bringing school.

00;22;22;01 - 00;22;40;10
Unknown
There was a guy that was building some Christian based homeschool curriculum. Have you have you follow that at all? Like really good. Like there's a bunch of kind of fluffy homeschool Christian homeschool like a Becca. But man, I want some, like raw. I was an ex-military guy that was building like some homeschool curriculum that was going to be it looked pretty potent.

00;22;40;13 - 00;23;09;25
Unknown
So anyway, I see that as like the future of like to really developing young man, really developing kids at that 12, 13 year old age to train them, the tools and the skill sets necessary. That's a passion of mine. I would love to absolutely build something one day that could help expedite the process of a boy becoming a man and having the protection and providing and responsibility, mindset like, kind of integrated in them through their schooling process.

00;23;09;28 - 00;23;32;27
Unknown
Beautiful and I believe that there's going to be a lot of friction in our country, because there are a lot of people who've built careers and lives around an industry that I believe is not going to be as relevant in the future. I mean, we could all say that there's somewhere out there, there is the best high school math teacher or algebra teacher, instructor in the country.

00;23;33;04 - 00;23;57;23
Unknown
And likely he's not in your town. And that guy can be zoomed into your living room to help your kid. And then you can, you know, have him teaching the aptitude and you teaching the attitude. And that sets that kid up for success. And I don't see that in the school systems right now. Some of the craziness that's going on with the whole social dynamics and everything, I think that is more damaging than any skill that they're picking up in, you know, advanced mathematics or anything.

00;23;57;25 - 00;24;22;26
Unknown
Yeah. And my like I see myself as my like if you were to ask who is my kid's primary teacher, it's me. Yeah it's me like Hallelujah. Yeah. And so like like I know Mrs. So-and-so or whatever has my kid for five hours a day or six hours a day or whatever it is. And, and Mrs. So-and-so is teaching math and she's teaching history or science or whatever that is great.

00;24;22;28 - 00;24;47;20
Unknown
And just like me, my kids probably going to forget 90% of what they went through. What they're actually learning is how to interact with other kids, what's actually, all this emotional intelligence, in my view, gets far too, little attention in the school system. And so, like, for me, I get the privilege of teaching my kid how to navigate life for life's sake.

00;24;47;20 - 00;25;10;08
Unknown
And so, my kids get to watch my wife and I argue, have a disagreement. Sounds like a terrible marriage. I, I guess, it depends on the day, actually. No, but, my kids get to see. They get to bear witness to my wife and I having disagreements. They get to bear witness to my wife and I making financial decisions about where we spend our money and how we spend our time.

00;25;10;14 - 00;25;37;07
Unknown
They get to watch how dad shows up when he's tired, or how mom shows up when she's frustrated or yeah, she she gets to decide and I get to decide what my kids, what our kids intake and process through. And so then the best teacher, I feel like the curriculum is our actual life, is our actual lived experience and their lived experience.

00;25;37;07 - 00;25;58;05
Unknown
I like that point. I'll close out on that point. So you don't need homeschool. You don't need to have your kids home schooled to be able to have a heavy influence on their lives and to be a true guide. I want to make a shift on the two things. One is, I will talk about fear in a moment and how you guys operate, around fear and where fear showing up in your life currently and how you navigate fear and how you've learned to navigate fear.

00;25;58;12 - 00;26;25;12
Unknown
Before I go into that, though, I want to dive into do you allow your kids to do sleepovers at other people's houses? No. If the family, certain family certain fail. Yep. Yeah. But it's a no. It's a strong no. Yeah. 100. Yeah. That was a shift that we made. Nope. This last year was it has just become it's in our work, our line of work.

00;26;25;12 - 00;26;46;27
Unknown
Right. We see the amount of yeah molestation that happens and has happened and it could be a brother an uncle, a sister. Somebody's doing something. And so we've made the decision to, to not do that as of last year. No sleepovers. Now, we will allow heavily supervised sleepovers at our house, is the decision that we made.

00;26;46;27 - 00;27;02;19
Unknown
We were doing. We were not agreeing to that. But what we do is we put all their iPads and all devices have to go, have to go away. So when it hits, 10:00 at night, all devices, all, all have to be, given to us. So that's our strategy. Okay. I wanted to see where you guys were.

00;27;02;23 - 00;27;22;00
Unknown
I have a tiny one. Yeah, I just had just one piece of that. So for us, there's there's two families particularly that have cousins the same age. So one of the cousins might say, hey, can I have my cousins come over for a birthday party? So what we've done and we've gone back and forth on this for well over a decade.

00;27;22;01 - 00;27;39;12
Unknown
It was a strong, strong no. Even with family and then recently we've we've created a little bit of liberty from the perspective of heavily supervised meaning. There is an adult present at all times, and everyone is an open in an open area with their own blanket. Yeah. So the way we'll do it is everybody can camp out right here.

00;27;39;12 - 00;27;57;04
Unknown
You have your own little cot blanket area that you can hang out. An adult is present at all times. The adult sleep on the couch. So if it's a girl sleepover, it's my wife. And if it's a boy sleepover with me. And then all the boys are here and they are supervised by an adult at all times. They're not allowed in the rooms with doors closed, no electronic devices.

00;27;57;06 - 00;28;13;16
Unknown
And that's the way we conduct it. I'm imagining your living room. I'm imagining it looks like a Koa with the number of kids you have. Yeah, like all of ours. Plus more. Yeah, I know you gotta watch where you steps. You don't step on a kid. So I have a rule of discipleship that ties right into this.

00;28;13;16 - 00;28;33;04
Unknown
Because discipleship can be difficult for an adult, and it's really difficult on a kid because they have lack skills. And that is if you're going to, disciple somebody, you you definitely want them in your environment. So if I have a brother who's struggling with alcohol, I'm not going to go to the bar and hang out with him because that can draw me into those negative activities.

00;28;33;06 - 00;28;50;03
Unknown
So I'm going to always bring the person I'm trying to disciple into my environment, around my people. That's much safer. And that is absolutely true with kids. So if you have if there is a wayward kid in the neighborhood and as a grown up, I was that wayward kid that was invited into the better environment. So I have a lot of experience from the back side of it.

00;28;50;05 - 00;29;07;28
Unknown
But if there's a wayward kid, do not send your kid to his house like, don't let your kid hang out. If you know there's something going on, you're going to see the signs. You're going to smell it. If you smell, if you smell the smoke, there's fire there. Don't send your kid into that house even after school, or he doesn't belong there.

00;29;08;05 - 00;29;31;03
Unknown
Invite that wayward kid into your environment and disciple him there if that's on your heart. When we're looking at school and making those decisions, education is great. Education is a business. And when we can go back to the source of why something was created, we can understand the intent in which it was created. So when you think about it, our nation was filled with entrepreneurs during the agricultural age, everyone had land.

00;29;31;03 - 00;29;51;27
Unknown
This was the source of revenue. This was the source of wealth. So now the industrial age hits. We shift out of the agricultural agents of the industrial age and now the school system is created so that we can take these entrepreneurs who are used to being out and doing their own thing. Wow. I was like, hey, I'm going to go make it to being in factories.

00;29;51;29 - 00;30;14;22
Unknown
When you got guys like Henry Ford creating these cars, these machines, and there's people that need to build roads, there's people that need to be on a factory line. So the school system was developed to be able to make good employees. So now the mindset that's being instilled in a child going through the school system is that of oh okay, I need to do this, I need to do that.

00;30;14;29 - 00;30;30;06
Unknown
And it's teaching them how to be good employee. And if you do a good enough job with that, once you get into your job now you might become a manager. Right. So when we look at the intent of it and I'm not saying it's good or bad, but what I'm saying is just understand the intent. If that's the direction that you want to put your kid in.

00;30;30;09 - 00;30;53;09
Unknown
So with the homeschooling opportunity, it creates a space where they get to be discipled, they get to be mentored, they get to learn not only the educational aspect, which 90 plus percent of that could potentially be lost, and you don't even remember why or what you learned. But now you're learning actual life skills that you can apply when you become an adult, and it's going to set you up to be more effective in this world.

00;30;53;12 - 00;31;11;03
Unknown
So I just feel like that's really important to be able to assess and understand so that you're clear on, hey, we're going to homeschool for these reasons, or we're going to put you in a public school system. And I think specialized, specialized industries such as being a doctor, being a lawyer, like there's areas where if you want to go into that field, it is necessary for you to go that route.

00;31;11;05 - 00;31;32;23
Unknown
But it's not necessary for every route. So can I there's, I have concerns there though. Like for me, my wife and I have considered this whole homeschooling. My youngest is like pushing hard to be homeschool. I mean she the griffin is really pushing. For me my concern with that is what it does to our household. Yeah.

00;31;32;25 - 00;31;58;03
Unknown
Right. And so because it's like on paper, man, this sounds great. Sure. Like the idea of homeschooling on paper sounds fantastic. The problem is you add all the emotion and sense of overwhelm and the level of intentionality that's required to be effective at being. And then the natural propensity of of my own characteristics as a human in my own, my wife's characteristics as a human.

00;31;58;06 - 00;32;14;12
Unknown
And so then as I look at that, the concerns I have about stepping into homeschooling is what that says to me is that there will never be peace in my home again. Okay. I love that you brought this up. No, no, it's just a component of are you okay with me? Like, okay, please. That's why I bring it up.

00;32;14;12 - 00;32;30;21
Unknown
I thank you for bringing that up, but I appreciate the vulnerability there. Right. Like that is also a concern. Right? It's like, man, now I'm consumed. Like I don't have this five, six, seven hour break during the day where my kid. Yeah, because I work at home. I work from home. There's. Yeah. And so like a lot of the time that my wife and I connect, it isn't in the evening.

00;32;30;21 - 00;32;50;22
Unknown
It's during the day. Exactly. I get deliberate drink. We have date days. Yeah, like 5%. And all valid concerns. So there are ways around that where, for example, my wife says I'm not a homeschool teacher, I'm a coach. So what do we do? We empower others who have developed those skills and we invite them into our homeschool process.

00;32;50;24 - 00;33;08;10
Unknown
That's something that I can see you do great. That's what does that look like? That looks like. Hey, Suzy, over here is incredible at math. Hey, Bob is amazing when it comes to science. Guess what? We're going to hire them. And they're going to zoom into my child's laptop during the day. And then they're going to teach them.

00;33;08;13 - 00;33;28;08
Unknown
But we have them in our environment. Yeah. Well, we can create an atmosphere for them to be cultivated and discipled, not only with the book knowledge, but with life knowledge. So now what I've done is I've not abdicated my responsibility. I've actually developed a team, delegated, I've delegated, and now have a dream team. So we invite others who have developed skills that we can trust.

00;33;28;14 - 00;33;41;27
Unknown
And just like you would in your business, when you hire someone to help you with your with an aspect of your business, we go through the same process. We go through an interview process, we get clear on the objectives, and then we set a timeline and what the clear outcomes are going to be, and then we invite them into that process.

00;33;41;27 - 00;34;03;00
Unknown
We've done this numerous times, and if that's not what you want to do, another route is co-op. A co-op is when you have a homeschool group that meets in a specified location, similar to a school, but these are all homeschool kids, the parents. Some parents will volunteer and use their skills in their learning in a way that is much more immersive than just being plugged into a traditional school system.

00;34;03;00 - 00;34;18;21
Unknown
So my point is, and there's many more options, those two come to mind immediately, but there's many more options so that you can maintain the peace in the home, but then also teach our children how to acclimate in a way that is realistic and effective for how they can show up in life. No. That's good, that's good. Yeah.

00;34;18;21 - 00;34;41;17
Unknown
The the main concern for like, so that that idea totally makes sense. The, the main concern for us is like the, the function of our home. My wife is incredibly organized, like I'm a very clean person, very organized person. My wife is like a robot made in a laboratory somewhere that likes everything in this spot. And what it does is creates this sense of angst and a lack of peace when things aren't in their place.

00;34;41;17 - 00;35;04;05
Unknown
Right. And so I actually read a study recently about how it negatively impacts the cortisol in a woman so much more than in man. According to the study, when, when the home is in disarray. And so, like, my wife is very negatively affected when our home is in disarray. And so then the daytime, what ends up happening are kids go to school and then our home is put back together again.

00;35;04;07 - 00;35;23;11
Unknown
And so then there's these hours during the day that that our home is together, that the laundry is done. And the counter is clean, the sink is empty, all the dishes are back in their place. Like there's this like almost like this piece. Like this is a rest period for my wife and even me for for like your insides.

00;35;23;14 - 00;35;42;16
Unknown
And then when our kids are present, they. This is what they do, right? They're kids. So they're going to exist. And be. And we work really. We work really intentional about having our kids be involved in the the collective tasks of our home and putting things back where they go. But but none of it happens. But what? The way, my wife wants it to happen, right?

00;35;42;16 - 00;36;01;16
Unknown
The way it would. It creates peace in her. And so then or even in me. And so then the concern there is that if the kids don't, if our kids are in our home all day, that that the amount of 100% we can like, hey, I'm not a scientist, I don't know how to teach science so we can delegate the teaching of science out.

00;36;01;18 - 00;36;19;16
Unknown
But the kids are still in the home, the messes are still being created, and there isn't the space or the bandwidth to put things back in their place to reduce that cortisol level. My concern is that it's too much of an ask for my wife to be okay. Can't you just be okay with things? Being out of place is an unrealistic question to ask.

00;36;19;16 - 00;36;39;03
Unknown
And so, or you just hire a house cleaner, to take care of it. I'm surprised you don't have a how do. What is going on, man? You gotta you need to hire a house cleaner. Someone to do the laundry. Go spend 400 bucks, 300, 300 bucks a week to have somebody manage your man. Are you listening right now?

00;36;39;06 - 00;37;00;22
Unknown
Yeah. Listening, dude. Oh my goodness, that's the only concern. Yeah, dude. That's easy. Yeah, yeah. So and this is the thing that we like. But honestly, I feel like, man, I may be the only one, but I guarantee you there's other people listening right here that have that same sort of sentiment like that. The, the concern about the like bringing the healthy kids back in the home all day, every day with no break.

00;37;00;29 - 00;37;24;17
Unknown
Then the concern is the sense of overwhelm, that there's got to be some processes built in to make it happen. Like what? Like systems. Yeah. Like, hey, maybe there's one room. It's not for everybody. Maybe there's one room dedicated to the school or you're only. And I had a great idea like, yeah, you're not allowed to leave that room, for two hours and you get, like, a five day, ten minute break than another hour like that becomes the room for all the school work you can't do on the table.

00;37;24;17 - 00;37;39;07
Unknown
You can't do on the couch, you can't do it here. You are not allowed to leave the school room until the school is done for that period of time. That would be a great way that hiring help, the hiring help to be involved, to create space because it it was it was difficult for Jessica. We did homeschool for a year.

00;37;39;10 - 00;37;54;25
Unknown
I thought we were able to go travel to to Europe and travel to Japan and do these really cool things, but it, when we were doing the homeschool, when we were at home, it was it took a toll on her and was very challenging for her. So we eventually had to we had to hire a person to come in.

00;37;54;25 - 00;38;14;08
Unknown
So some women are built for it and some women are definitely not built to teach. And the guide, like kind of like Lily, right? She's like, hey, I don't want to be the teacher, but I will hire people to support and to go run this thing. I'll handle the fun stuff. I'll handle these other lessons. But all the teaching around typical school work, I'm going to have somebody else teach.

00;38;14;15 - 00;38;27;12
Unknown
But I think, yeah, I think to do it effectively, there would need to be for the right people they would need or for certain people would need to have the right systems. And another factor on this is what we have learned over the course of doing the homeschooling and doing a number of different options for school, because we probably don't.

00;38;27;12 - 00;38;45;03
Unknown
Every option you could think of is that when they're in their younger years, primarily elementary school, that's where the disarray happens. That's where the chaos is because it's like, hey, they're little kids. They got all this energy. They want to run around and you're like, almost like babysitting all day, right? But once they get to like, that middle school age and they hit around 11, 12 years old, the maturity level sits in.

00;38;45;05 - 00;39;00;07
Unknown
So for us now, what we do with the younger ones is we we send them to school at a really good school. So our elementary schoolers are in school so that they can learn the basics. And they had the opportunity to learn and get out, do recess and do all the things. But then once they're at middle school age, that's when we bring them home.

00;39;00;09 - 00;39;20;09
Unknown
We bring them home and they have the maturity level to keep the house. The house is a complete piece. We got candles burning. We got the little flicker deal for the TV with the fireplace crackling. You can smell the aroma. Everything is quiet like every I'm in my office. I'm like, is there anybody even here? I come out, my kids are working on their laptops.

00;39;20;09 - 00;39;40;01
Unknown
They're crushing it in school. I'm like, dude, this is awesome, I got it. I'm sitting my kids, that's what. Hey, that'd be great because I want to scale this. But this is what I think the future. This is the future of education, right? We now scale and we're starting with your kids. So those sold 330 hits the younger with boom.

00;39;40;03 - 00;40;07;07
Unknown
There were whole houses just boom. So it's like 330 hits. I was like, okay, we're done. So what's your take away? We've talked about it a lot today and it may or may not work for you, but think through a biblical foundation of what it looks like to train up your child, you as the parent God gifted you with those children with that anointing that they have, with those skills, with the abilities, and you as the parent, have everything you need despite how you feel.

00;40;07;14 - 00;40;29;07
Unknown
You feel ill equipped. Sometimes you feel discouraged, maybe feel overwhelmed. God has given you everything that you need. Whether you're a single parent, whether you're a widow, whether you're divorced, whether both parents are in the home, he's given you everything you need to accomplish exactly what he intended with your children. So whether it's homeschool, whether it's a hybrid, whether it's co-op, whether it's traditional public school, pray about it.

00;40;29;10 - 00;40;43;12
Unknown
Get clear on what your children need, put the systems in place, step out in faith and begin the process to teach, train, and trust that God has given you everything you need to be the greatest parents for your children so that they can grow up and do what he's called them to do.