Fountain sound 0:00
A water fountain dribbles.
Minos 0:06
For our community report, I am out and about in the community interviewing different individuals and today I am back with an old friend of the show, famed meditation expert and spiritualist, Nocab Eciuj. Only, today it is not an interview but a test of my meditation ability, for I have been studying with Nocab at his new compound in east Silver Lake on busy Glendale Blvd… As you can tell by my breathing and hushed, even tone, I am already in a trance-like state, ready to face my challenge.
Door sound 0:49
A door opens and closes.
Minos 0:54
Nocab has entered the room and the exam is about to begin.
Minos 1:16
I can tell by his drunken grin and chewing that Nocab is applying maximum pressure from the start. Normally a pillar in the community, his sloppy state is meant to shake my confidence in his training. But as long as I am able to maintain my breathing, in 2-3 through the nose, and out 3-4-5 through the mouth —
Piano playing 1:49
A piano plays through the wall.
Minos 1:49
— This should prove to be an easy test.
Nocab 1:57
Shut your bleeping pianos - they sound like bleep! I’m still able to fill my spa, by the way, so keep strumming fools! Or fill my compound, or whatever we’re calling this failed well of optimism these days…
Large Explosion 2:28
Nocab 2:33
What the!? …You, keep meditating.
Door sound 2:39
A door opens and closes.
Muffled screaming and yelling 2:45
Minos 2:46
Clearly an elaborate ruse, an explosion has rocked a separate part of the compound, shutting off the power, shutting off the fountain, but not shutting off my mental concentration… All that remains is the candlelight… In through the nose, 2-3, and out through the mouth, 4-5. In through the nose —
Door sound 3:19
A door opens and closes.
Oliver 3:24
Hello? Hello? Hello!
Minos 3:34
An elderly gentleman has entered, carrying a splintered piece of door frame with the tip soaked in blood.
Oliver 3:41
Who are you? Why are you talking like that?
Minos 3:45
The man, clearly a planted distraction, menaces me with a makeshift spear.
Oliver 3:51
I stabbed it through the eye you moron!
Door sound 3:54
A door opens and closes.
Sarah 3:55
Holy bleep. Holy bleep. Holy bleep. Holy bleep. I need to get out of here. There is some big, green monster eating people! Hello!? Like, it is time to stop meditating — we are all gonna’ die!
Minos 4:14
A cheeseburger molds to the cook’s spatula —
Sarah 4:17
Oh, I so want my coupon back. Do you know the way out of here?
Oliver 4:21
Follow me.
Door sound 4:23
A door opens and closes.
Minos 4:29
The two individuals, obviously paid actors, have exited stage left. In through the nose, 2-3, out through the —
Door sound 4:40
A door opens.
Minos 4:57
The final phase of this test is upon me. What can only be described as a six foot tall sumo-sized lizard man with no neck struggles to fit through the door. He pulls behind him a leg, a leg connected to what looks like the contorted, unconscious body of Nocab. Having navigated the door, the creature slumps against the wall, exhausted and breathing heavily. It seems to be evaluating me it with its one functioning eye, the other having suffered a minor spear wound. In through the nose, 2-3, I have come this far, I shall not fail, 4-5-6.
Lizard Creature 6:09
Why are you talking to yourself? Are you eating that thing?
Microphone noises 6:22
Sound of microphone being grabbed and stuck into the creature’s mouth.
Lizard Creature 6:44
Here. Take it back. That tastes horrible. Does that device calm you?
Minos 6:58
The creature tries to engage me.
Lizard Creature 7:03
Whatever works. At least you’re not freaking out like the rest of them. All the screaming and yelling around here freaks me out, makes me anxious. I eat when I have anxiety. I hate this dimension. I’m looking for someone named Angelitus. Have you heard of her?
Minos 7:39
Must stay focused. 2-3—
Lizard Creature 7:45
I’ll take that as a ‘No.’
Minos 7:46
—4-5-6.
Lizard Creature 7:51
Well, if you see her, please let her know we’re looking for her.
Nocab 8:01
What? Where am I?
Minos 8:07
Nocab stirs and tries in futility to crawl away.
Lizard Creature Sound 8:11
Sound of the lizard creature bellowing.
Laser Blast Sound 8:14
Sound of a laser blast.
Minos 8:16
The creature shoots a laser out of its eye and neutralizes Nocab.
Time traveling portal sound 8:20
Sound of a time traveling portal opening.
Minos 8:30
The creature opens a time traveling portal and drags a smoldering Nocab behind him like a giant rag doll through the portal.
Time traveling portal sound 8:40
Sound of a time traveling portal closing.
Minos 8:49
That was Nocab Eciuj, famed meditation expert and spiritualist with his unexpected guest, just one of the many faces of Silver Lake.
