We hear mixed messages about leaving relationships all the time. If only you were stronger, you would have left sooner. If only you were stronger, you would have stayed longer and tried harder. Weak people focus on themselves too much...and weak people don't focus on themselves and their needs enough.
Such messages are unhelpful and often get us nowhere except bogged down in shame and self-doubt.
The better path is to focus on what's ahead and to pour our energy into moving forward rather than trying to "if only" the past. What happened, happened, and that's done. Instead of picking apart the past and beating ourselves up in the process, we can be grateful for where we are now and look forward to what we want to create for ourselves next.
When it comes to relationship dynamics and choosing when to walk away from something, or when to put in some serious boundaries, we typically will hear quite the mixed messages around that.
What we'll hear one day is that if you were stronger, you could have left sooner, if you were stronger, you would have put boundaries in far sooner rather than later. But then other people will say, Well, if you were stronger, you could have tried longer and endured more and stayed in the relationship longer instead of leaving when you did.
Some people will say that it's a weakness to leave early. Other people will say that it's a weakness to stay too long. It's all of these mixed messages back and forth, that create this confusion over what it means to leave a relationship and what it means to finally stand up sooner or later, to define boundaries and decide what is actually going to be good for you. So most of these messages about weaknesses or strengths in leaving or having boundaries are just complete nonsense, especially when considered next to, you know, the fact that they have themselves in their opposites constantly being said by people. And such conflicting ideas often get us nowhere, except bog downs and form of shame, and self doubt, a better path is to focus forward, instead of looking back and saying, Oh, I could have been stronger, or I must have been weak. Or perhaps you know, I did this wrong or that wrong. And trying to figure out whether you were having weakness or strength in the past, the better path is to focus forward and pour your energies into efforts to create the future you really want rather than trying to if only the past. So if only I was stronger, if only I did this, if only I did that sooner, if only I did that differently, it doesn't matter. At this point, what matters is what you do next, what matters is what you do for your next step and what you create moving forward. So instead of trying to pick apart the past, and instead of beating ourselves up in the process, over decisions we did or didn't make, things that we consider being weaknesses or not. Instead of doing that, we can be grateful for where we are now, and look forward to what we want to create next. So regardless of how you view the past, you get to move forward. And regardless of whether you view the past as having strength, as having weakness, as having confusion, or doubt having whatever you get to choose how you move forward. Now you get to choose what your next strong step will be. So weak or strong in the past really means nothing compared to what you do next. So appreciate where you are now and move forward with strength
Transcribed by https://otter.ai