Season 6 Real Beauty with FD: Setting Boundaries & cultivating body peace featuring Nina Manolson Body Peace Coach Part 2

Part 2 with Nina !

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to real beauty with AF D season six. Episode two. So we're back with Nina and we continue to speak about. Body piece, getting to a way more detail, which I found so fascinating. And since this conversation, and hopefully you felt the same after episode one, it's made you think a little bit differently on how we treat. Ourselves. And some of the thoughts that we have when it comes to. Eating certain foods are the way we look ourselves that certainly since this conversation. Um, and I mentioned it last time. One of my resolutions is truly trying to be kinder to myself and talking to myself better. And one of the things I loved hearing from Nina is the fact that she refers to herself as a couples therapist. And that's the couple I'm relationship between yourself and your body. And I think that that is so. Uh, important. Um, Especially as you know, we're coming into new year. I know I've mentioned this a number of times in the pod that I'm very conscious of. How I represent myself in front of my daughter. And I feel that this has just been such a great learning for me to kind of view things differently. So I hope. This conversation. Has been as beneficial. Do you all, as it has been to me. Um, and I will continue to try and find individuals. Inspiring individuals such as Nina to join me on this podcast as. Hopefully you can tell. I just love it. And I feel very honored to be able to speak to people such as Nina. So anyway, without further ado, I will stop talking. And please enjoy episode two.

nina: 2:34

claim the wisdom that's within her, that's getting, truly getting my body. Oh my god, I

franky: 2:43

That change. Yeah. I love that mindset, like shift of like just taking that phrase that we use so negatively to I am reclaiming it. I love

nina: 2:54

that. Yes. Yes, I am gonna take my body back because who's taken it away from us? Our diet culture that tells us it's not okay. The way it's right. The post mommy, the post-baby culture. Oh, you are right. It's brutal. Oh, get your body back to what? Yeah. So before you had a baby, no. You actually had a baby. Yeah. And that actually changes your body. Yeah. And changes who you are. Right. And just to go down a little tangent there, I really think it's something we don't talk about in terms of psychological, um, stages of development. We talk about, you know, childhood, we talk about adolescents, we talk about, um, Different stages of development as human beings, but one of them we don't talk about is how developmentally we shift as we shift into motherhood. Yeah. Our priorities are different. Yeah. And so this get my body back is No, no. Your priorities should be the same as before, which is let me be the most culturally. In the box of cultural idealized beauty, let me fit back into that box because then I still have the power that comes with that small body, that ultrafit body, right? I still get to have that thin privilege and be able to maneuver through life with that kind of currency. Yeah. Instead of going, wait a second, do I really wanna value my body on that kind of currency, that my worth is my size? Yeah. That my worth is my, the, the six pack of, you know, or the tone of my underarms, like that is not worthiness. right? And as we shift into motherhood and we shift into, wait a second, we have a kid, and we go, wait, your worthiness is who you are as a whole being. Why am I still holding myself to this standard of who I am is only as valuable as my body looks.

franky: 5:03

Oh my God, I feel like you're like speaking to my soul right now. makes me like a little bit emotional, but it is, it's true. We're just so hard on ourselves and, um, you know, anyone listening that like has had a baby, um, or, you know, I've mentioned this on kinda other podcasts, like I unfortunately had a miscarriage and then a, a quite pregnancy, like a couple months ago. and I'm immediately hard on myself that mm-hmm. that like, I, I've like blanked out the fact that my body was starting to prepare for, okay, we're gonna be, you know, growing a baby and then it's like, wait, no I'm not. And then it's like, wait, I am again. And of course I, upon weight and I don't feel the best, but I'm really trying to change my mindset. You know that okay, well my body's been through a lot this year, but my body survived and wow. Like good for it, right? And I have my health and I'm happy and you know, everything else is great, but. It's still so sad how we're so hard on ourselves. Yes. Through each of these steps and stages that we can't just be like, wow, my body did pray. Well this year,

nina: 6:19

let's continue. Well, you know? Right. Or even, even not going, you know, oh, my body did pretty well, but wow. My body's been through a lot. Yeah. Right. So many women go through fertility issues of many, many different kinds that, first of all, do not get spoken enough in our culture. Wow. Second of all, we don't acknowledge the impact that it has on our body and our relationship with our body. Yeah. Right? Because what we're trying to do in body pieces is actually create a trusting relationship with my, with your body. Then what do you do? My body's supposed to have gotten pregnant and then grown a baby to term, and that didn't work. So now I don't, do I trust my body? Yeah. Is this gonna work again? Yeah. Right. And then all the anxiety that comes with that and the fear that comes with that. And we're holding that in our body and then we're still expecting our body to look like whatever we, what weird ideal we have of it. Like, wait, hold up a second here. There's something going on, which is that there's a rupture in the relationship with our bodies. Mm-hmm. right? I'm trusting you because I wanna, you know, get pregnant and I'm trusting that you can do this. And then your body goes, actually, this isn't working the way, but it needs to, so this is not gonna work out. And then we're like, right, it's saying time out. And we're like, okay, well I'm supposed. Pull my boots up, you know, like, you know, bootstrap it and keep it rolling. Well, wait, wait, wait. There's a bunch of things missing in there. One is acknowledging something big happened. This was a RUP rupture in the relationship with my body. My body has a recovery period and so does my mental health right. and so then me putting on all the expectations of having a small body, having a fit body, having a body that can bounce right back and get pregnant again. Yeah, too darn much. Not realistic, not okay for our wellbeing. Right. And plus a lot of these, and what I love Francine, that you're doing is speaking about it because a lot of these topics are not spoken about. Yeah.

franky: 8:39

Yeah. At all. Or enough. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. So how, like, how do you manage these types of conversations with, with like your friends? I feel you can be on a good journey with yourself and you can get to a good point where you really are truly trusting and feeling good and promoting this outwardly. But unfortunately, you still have people, and in some cases close to you that. Aren't there yet and are still very critical of, oh, did you see how much weight, blah, blah, blah, put on and oh my God, they let themselves go and oh, they were wearing sweatpants. And for me, especially these last couple of years, I found it really difficult to accept those conversations now. But it's like, what is the

nina: 9:34

thing say

franky: 9:36

or do you in that situation and is. You know, sometimes for me I'm like, you know, I kind of need to take a break from those individuals that I just don't need that in my life right now. And I'll come back to when I'm strong enough to, you know, say something articulately, polite, But how, like, how have you dealt with that through the years? Yeah. Because you got to that point years ago, a lot of people weren't, industries weren't there yet. We're getting to it now. Yeah. How have you

nina: 10:06

dealt with that? Yeah. So first of all, one, one strategy that you said that was. Powerful is a boundary. Yeah. If that's comfortable for you. I need space from this relationship. This is just toxic. I just need space. But not everybody can do it. Sometimes it's their mothers, sometimes it's our sisters who are saying it. Right. Like, so it's not like, you know, I think I'd like to just take a break from you. That doesn't work so well. So there's three approaches, um, to when people are saying things about commenting either about someone else's body, about their own body. or about your body. Yeah, none of those kinds of statements feel good for anybody. they don't feel good for the person who's receiving the statement. It's about them, and it doesn't make anybody in their sphere feel good. Right? If someone is critic criticizing someone else's body, well now my body's not safe because what? I walk away and now you're gonna criticize my body. Yeah, right. So fundamentally, we don't feel safe. So here are three ways that I always think about when it comes to. this is a horrible conversation and I need another way to deal with this. So it's the three Ds. Deflect, defend, or deepen deflect is someone's like, oh my gosh, I think I'm gonna start keto again because really, you know, my belly and the the fat and the this and the that. Deflect is, gosh, I watched this amazing things on thing on Netflix last night. Did you see it? It's just classic diversion technique. Yeah, that's totally appropriate. It's deflect is for somebody who you really don't actually wanna have this conversation with. You just don't wanna talk about it. Yeah. It's the person who's at the grocery store holding up the box of cookies that's like, oh no, I really shouldn't. You're like, oh my gosh. Did you see that movie? you just don't need to talk to them about it. Just change this topic. Right. But not everybody is that person. There are some people who you actually want to have a little more of a boundary that's defending. Yeah. Right. So with those people, you can say, you know, I'm not comfortable with these convers. Can we talk about something else? It can also be, you know, I just feel like, um, I'm really doing work on my own relationship with body and food, and I'm really trying to work it out for myself. I'd rather not have these conversations with anybody else. Yeah, it's just creating a boundary, right? This is your issue. This is my issue. I'm not talking about it. Simple boundary, which I think is a good thing too,

franky: 12:50

because I also wonder if, um, sometimes it's like not conscious. You know when something just comes outta your mouth and you're like, oh God, I really shouldn't have eaten that. And if you acknowledge it, in front of someone, or, you know, make a comment like that. I feel like it's actually a good way for them to reflect themselves and be like, yeah, why did I even say that? Like, why would I say that? That's so ridiculous. And why am I gonna diet and why am I talking about it in this manner? And is this, I don't know. I think it's a, it's a good way to kind of make them look into themselves and be like, why am I saying that? Yeah. Like, how do I feel about. you know? Yeah.

nina: 13:31

And sometimes that boundary can just be like, when someone's like, oh, I'm so fat, you go, ouch. Yeah. Right. That can just break the bubble. Yeah. Like, ouch. That's a painful, you know, that's a little we that's moving a little more into the deepened technique. Yeah. So deepen is, this is somebody who I'm willing to kind of get into this conversation with and deepen can be. Ouch. That's a really painful thing to say to yourself, or oof, that's a bit rough, right? It reflects back what's going on, but it brings a little emotional content to the conversation. Yeah, and deepen can also be education. It could be like, did you know that 53% of 13 year old American girls are unhappy with their bodies and by 17 year old, by 17 years old, the body dissatisfaction grows to 78. Right. Can you imagine how much more powerful women would be if we weren't trained to hate and obsess over our bodies? Right. You can use that, the, this deep end conversation to educate or to take them into an emotional place with it. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, maybe I don't actually wanna have this conversation. It, it invites questioning, it changes the whole. in your relationship. Right. Another deep end would be, don't you find that as a culture, we focus too much on appearance? I'm so ready for our cultural conversation to shift firmly into how we feel. Yeah. And how we think. Yeah, right. Deepen is great, but it has to be somebody who you think. You know, can go there with you if they're not. Also, is it

franky: 15:17

worth it? Like, is it worth it to go there with that person? And I think it goes back to the boundary. Totally. There's some people that, yes, I know in my life, I'm like, they're never gonna get it. They're never gonna be there. it will make me feel worse. Like I'm

nina: 15:33

not gonna absolutely myself. Absolutely. Right. It's a setup you're Yeah. In when you know, oh, this is a setup and there's just gonna, their fangs are gonna come out and it's gonna be full attack, and it's just go, there's no, uh, emotional, intellectual int inte emotional. There's no emotional intelligence over there. Yeah. To have the conversation then deflect is your, So,

franky: 16:01

um, so then if I am, again, we're talking about like, well try not to speak about like resolutions or you're looking at, okay. If you're listening to this and you think, well, what can I do if I feel I also don't have the best relationship with my body and I am ready to tackle this, what would you say would be the best first

nina: 16:26

steps? Yeah. So, um, first of all, I wanna say you're not alone. People don't have a good relationship with their body. Unfortunately, we were never, one of my clients said, oh my gosh, I feel like I missed this day at school where I was taught how to listen to my own body and tune into my own wisdom and know when I was hungry or full. I like, I missed this day. I was like, no, you didn't. We were never taught this. We were taught how to connect to everybody else's body. What do you feel? What do you. Right, so cultivating this connection with our own body, starting to learn how to honor her, speak to her nicely, take care of her deeply. right, is a learnable skill, but it does take some commitment to saying, yeah, this is a relationship that's important to me. Just like any relationship, right? You have a relationship with a kid, you have a relationship with a partner, you have a relationship with a friend. You say, you know what? This is an important relationship. This is an important relationship to me, and I wanna invest time, space, energy. And so that's what it. that's the beginning is to say, yes, I want to create this relationship. I want to cultivate body peace. And I'll give you sort of two um, ways to start the conversation. One is very basic and, uh, Francine, if you'll let me guide you into it, is, is to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and just say hello. Hello body and feel into that what happens when you turn all of your fantastic energy towards your own body. Not from a place of management, but from a place of, oh, hi. What did you notice came up? Um,

franky: 18:30

what I instantly thought was, I don't know, I just felt like a little. like tingly, like awake, like, Hey, Like it's the first time probably ever said, Hey,

nina: 18:44

Right? That's it. Right? Hey, you and me together, we're allies. We are not enemies. Yeah, we are allies. We are walking this life together. Our culture has set it up that you are walking as an adversary to your body that is no fun and is just exhaust. we wanna create allyship. And what's the first Francine, you and I we're connecting over text over when we got on here on Zoom. Hey, how are you? Yeah, we start by connecting. That's how we cultivate relationships. So that's one thing. The other thing is, um, I have a free practicing body piece journal, and it's available on my site, body piece with nina.com. It's all one word. And on there, 20. 20 questions to invite you into how is my relationship with my body? How did this relationship happen? What are the dynamics in this relationship? Because the first thing we're doing when we're creating body peace is actually creating a relationship. That's what's happening, right? Um, I have a program called The Body Piece Starter Kit. And what are we doing? We're starting a relationship. That's what we're doing. And so the practicing body piece journal helps you and just start to go, wait a second, what are the qualities that I want in a relationship with my body? What are the qualities that exist? And in there also are some of my poems to sort of inspire the conversation. And do you

franky: 20:25

think when. individuals kinda start this journey. Um, and I know I kinda mentioned that you have like over 30 years of ex experience, um, as a therapist and I did. Well, when I say I did, I know you don't just do it and then you finish. Uh, but I did do about six months of therapy last year and it was honestly the best thing I've ever done for myself and. The individual gave me the tools to help navigate certain conversations or start kind of making me feel more. Comfortable within myself and through that process, it, you know, I've mentioned boundaries. It made me kind of question, you know, why, why am my friends with these individuals, why am I spending my time with these people that I, I, I don't benefit from this, I don't feel good. Um, so it really has made me continue to question situations. Um, do you find when people start this journey, it might be the first time that they've really looked into how they feel. Yes. What they want for themselves. Yes. That they probably go through that similar journey where they're like, wow, that individual doesn't treat me that good, and why I never noticed it.

nina: 21:49

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And in that, you know, Vein of this work being very therapeutic. Often when I'm sitting like on a plane and somebody says, what do you do? And if I said, body Peace coach, I would mean absolutely zero to them. Um, I say I'm a therapist, but ins I'm a couple's therapist, but instead of working with women in their partners, I work with women in their bodies. I love that. because we're trying to create a relationship that works and as we work with the parts of us that just, it doesn't feel like a working relationship. What, what happens like in any relationship? Oh, this reminds me of when I was in fifth grade and somebody bullied me. right? Or this reminds me, and this is totally, this is what I used to do. This reminds me of when I would go to parties when I was 16 years old and it would feel so like a social mind feel that I would come home and just eat cheese and crackers, cheese and crackers, cheese and crackers, cheese and crackers. I pa practically passed out from binging on cheese and crackers because I was so emotionally activated that I was looking for a way to. Yeah. Right. So we need to look at where are our unwanted eating behaviors showing up? Why are they showing up, and what is it connected to? Because this work with our food and our body, this healing work in the relationship with our body and our food is a doorway into our life. Mm-hmm. into unresolved issue. So yes. Are we creating a relationship with our food and body? Yes. And are we healing our whole. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, right. Just like if you've gone into relationship with a, into therapy with a partner, what comes up? All of our old stuff. Yeah, it's true.

franky: 23:49

Yeah. I felt like you need to go back. You need to go back and understand those. Moments that you haven't thought about for such a long time, and then you think, oh, mm-hmm maybe that's why my eating habits are X. Or maybe this is why I don't feel good about my body, was because someone said this when I was like 12. Yes. Which when you go through that and you think, oh my God, I can't believe that capped with me, that little boy. Made that one comment and it's continuing. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, that was one of my kinda eye openers was I really thought a lot of it would be current and it really, none of it was, to be honest. It just stayed with me. Um, so we've mentioned, um, you know, kinda with friends kind of starting this journey. Um, you've touched on. the aging process too. And you know, the industry that we kinda live in, I don't think it leans itself well enough to people that are aging, especially women. Um, I've spoken to a couple of people. One in particular, she started a skincare brand specifically for women. Going through menopause because there was nothing on the market. And it was so interesting because I've, no one's ever spoken about it. I didn't even necessarily know menopause was. It continues. And again, when I hear individuals of that age speaking about it, it's um, You know, from like a doctor perspective, they're like, Hey, you just need to take this drug and mm-hmm. you know, there, there's just not a lot of education around it. So how do you kinda deal with or work with people with body peace? Connecting to aging, which I'm sure it's not just the body, it's, oh my God, I'm getting older and mm-hmm. I feel my body's getting older and look at my wrinkles and oh my gosh, and you've got Botox and fillers and plastic surgery and all this other stuff. But it's like, that's not gonna heal what's in here. It's not, you know, Can't all look like Simon Cow or whoever else with their money

nina: 26:08

So, but it's interesting cause as soon as you talk, start talking about the fillers and the Botox and the facelifts. Right. It's basically a war. Yeah. On a natural process. Yeah. Right. So my mom is 91, and this is what she says about aging. You're lucky if you're aging. Yeah. Right. Because how many friends does she have? that didn't make it right, that didn't get to age, that didn't get to have the experience of, you know, watching a whole full life unfold with them. Right. So fundamentally underneath all these issues of the Botox, of the fillers, of the facelifts, of the, you know, look 10 years younger in this outfit and do this thing to, and Oh, you don't even look your age. Those kind of compliments. Yeah. Underneath all of that, fundamentally is it's not okay specifically for women. To get older. Yeah. Why? Right? Why So? It's really important to look at that because why is because historically women have had power when they've had youth and beauty. That's the only way women can be powerful in our world. You are young and you are thin, and you are beautiful and you're white. Mm-hmm. then ta-da. You get the gold star and you get to be successful. But as soon as you're, anything besides that, You lose visibility, you lose social currency, you lose power and influence. So if we're gonna start changing this conversation, we have to go, wait a second. I am valuable in the body that I exist in right now at the age that I exist in right now. Right? And I am not letting the culture dictate my sense of. impact, right? I am not gonna let the culture decide if I'm relevant or not, right? We get to create that narrative and part of creating that narrative, I believe some people are gonna be like, no, no. I need to stick with the anti-aging and I need to fit into that box, right? Of young and cute, right? Mm-hmm. There's some huge power when we step away from that because we get to create a narrative that's much deeper. Yeah, much more impactful, and that doesn't buy into our cultural, narrow, narrow view of what is a powerful, impactful woman. Yeah. And part of that is saying, yes, we age and we all age differently. Wow. And we all look different. And we can age with bright hair, dyed red hair, or we could age with silver hair, or we could age with however we want, but it's up to us. Mm-hmm. and we don't have to buy into a movement that is absolutely impossible. Nobody anti-age. We age if we're lucky.

franky: 29:31

Yeah, it's true. Um, I don't know if you are a sex and say fan, are you?

nina: 29:40

I am not, but tell me, what do you, what's the, what's the connection that you're making?

franky: 29:45

Oh, I mean, I've loved sex and say ever since I was a little girl. Um, well age, semi appropriate to be able to watch it. But anyway. Mm-hmm. um, you know, one of the things I loved about, they recently brought it back after, oh my gosh, like 20 years maybe. Mm-hmm. and. You know, Sarah Jessica Parker, she doesn't, you know, use Botox fillers like again. She has, um, you know, managed to kind of blend the gray into her hair. The other girls were kind of similar and. It was actually the first time that you have a kind of TV series with women in their fifties. Mm-hmm. talking about things like menopause, like aging, not dye their hair. Mm-hmm. and I actually really. Appreciate it because now when I watch sex and they, they were my age at the beginning and I appreciate that they're continuing it and I know that they receive so much backlash, of course in the press with, oh my God, look at their wrinkles. They look so old, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, well, yeah, it's 20 years on and they're not, you know, covering up. Yeah. Yeah, I reference it because it's, it's rare that you see those types of honest discussions about life older and Yes, not doing all those things to try and appeal, especially on the screen. It's, it's, you just don't really get characters like that, and I appreciate the fact that they were willing to do that. But yeah, it's,

nina: 31:27

um, yeah, it's so important. I, in, uh, April, 2023, I'm leading a retreat in Italy called Body Peace and Aging, and it's for women, um, who are over 40 who are really in this place of, wait a second, how do I do this life in an aging changing body? Because if there's anything that is a consistent in our life, it is that we change. right? When I walk women through, uh, exercise, where we go through their life in five year increments, what happened to your body between zero and five, five and 10, 10 and 15, 15, 20? Their whole, the whole, their whole life. And I go, what's the one thing that you notice? They're like, their, my body was always changing. Yeah. And yet our culture says, no. No. Oh, you're at 18. Hold tight. Right.

franky: 32:23

I know it's so true. Um, so tell me more about this retreat and how can individuals sign up?

nina: 32:31

Yes. So the retreat in Italy, um, is at the end of April, 2023. And it is gonna be a phenomenal week of really diving into our relationship with our. And how do we want to create a relationship for the duration and what do we need to. To really be able to step into that next chapter of relationship in our body. Um, and all the information is on my website, body piece with Nina under work with me. Um, there's a body piece and aging retreat link there. Um, and you know, if a retreat isn't necessarily your thing and getting off to Italy for week isn't, doesn't fit in your life. There's other ways on my website to get really deeply connected to this body piece work because it makes the difference. It's the antidote to our culture that is constantly telling us to be at war. With our body and that is giving us literally ammunition daily, oh, did you get enough grams of this? And did you, how many pounds of that? And are you eating enough super foods of this? Right? There's like constantly we're being fed ammunition to feel bad about ourselves. Yeah. And if that is you, I wanna say it can be a different way. You can, and I say that from two places. I say that both from having worked with hundreds of women who, you know, came to me and be, were like, I can't. It just feels bad. I just feel frustrated and, you know, ev getting dressed every day makes me feel bad about myself. to really being that person. I was that person who was like on the next diet and self-conscious walking into a room and deep in the despair of compar and despair every time I'd, you know, go swimming and in a bathing suit, right? And not feeling that way, Al. Now I feel like, you know what? This is my body. This is where I live, and this is a good place to. right. I grew up in Montreal. I live in Boston now, but I grew up in Montreal and there's a French saying it means I feel good in my own skin. And growing up I was like, I don't even understand what the heck that means because I couldn't imagine it. Yeah. I was like, what do you mean feeling good? I was trained. It was so foreign. Exactly. And you know, I feel good in my skin. You know, I feel

franky: 35:19

we should all be won. Listen, we all need to do this retreat cause I know. that regardless of like, I really try, I've really tried over the last couple of years to like change my like mental relationship. Um, but you just mentioned that, you know, you're getting dressed in the morning. It is so crazy how much that can throw you off the day. Like you're getting dressed, something doesn't fit, that's what you wanted to wear, and you're like, Ugh, that's it. Like, I feel terrible. You go into work, you don't feel good, you're slouching. It's. But it's when you feel good, it's like you set up. And, um, you know, I talked about this before in my pod with um, Others, but it's so crazy how much that confidence just resonates out. Um, so I think we all should sign up to your retreat, It's

nina: 36:12

amazing. Yeah, we're gonna be in Tuscany. There's already, um, 10 women signed up. It's gonna be phenomenal. Um, and, you know, people have questions. How, you know, email me mina nina mandelson.com for sure. Um, but really, Important is saying yes, this is an important relationship to me and I really want to make. A difference. I wanna make a start. Whether it's the body piece, starter kit, whether it's the Italy retreat, whether it's the journal, just claiming this is the relationship that's most important because we all know when we feel good in our own skin, everything else is different. The way we talk to people is different. Our confidence is different. Our sense of just feeling creative, right? So much of our energy gets freed up when we're like, This is, I'm good in this skin. It's like

franky: 37:08

you can take on the whole world. Yes. Energy, everything. It's just so much better. Um, well, Nina, I know I've for sure gone over my time commitment, so I very much appreciate it. Um, and I do have just one more question. What is your life motto or phrase that you live by?

nina: 37:33

Hmm, that's a great one. I think that might be a better question to ask my kids. So I think one of the things, cuz they, they, they would be like, oh, you always say this, So one of the things I always say is, um, uh, 80% of life is showing up. Yeah. Just keep showing up. Um, and another thing I always say is, you know, it's a, it's a process and it's a practice. It's not a destination. Yeah. Right. Life is a process. Life is a practice of being with ourselves, being with other people. It's not a destination. There's not like a tadda. And now I have landed. Right. And the other thing fundamentally is you. Being kind to ourselves is, you know, sometimes the thing that I say most to myself is not in words, but it's literally just putting my hand on my heart and going, oh, oh, yeah. Like just feeling myself. Yeah, just being in that sense of compassion and caring and. And that lets us deepen into the moment and check in with ourselves and find out what do we need, what, where, what kind of support? What would nourish me most? Yeah, what do I need today? what will make me feel? Yeah, what do I need? Yeah. What would nourish me most, I think that's what my daughter would say. That's probably the thing I say most and ask peoples What would most, what would most deeply nourish you right now and what would most deeply nourish me? I'll leave you with one funny anecdote. We were, my, uh, brother is a extreme athlete and we were rock climbing, crazy, crazy rock climbing over on a giant cliff over water. It was terrifying And, um, and he overestimated. Climbing skills. So I was with my daughter and we were literally like hanging on like, you know, fingertip hanging onto this cliff. My god, 600 feet below us is water. And I'm like, I don't think I can. I don't know where my next handhold is. I don't know how to get up this thing. And I looked down who my daughter's like six feet below me also hanging on a rope. And I looked at her and I was like, this. Is not nourishing And she just broke into laughter. And when we were safe at the top of the mountain, she said, you know, mom, most people will just be swearing at that moment. but not you, not you. You were like, this is not nourishing to me. So, I think fundamentally for me, really looking at what is nourishing, what deeply nourishes our body, our soul, our mental health, our wellbeing, um, because that's what creates a positive, caring relationship with our whole being. Yeah.

franky: 40:25

I love that so much. Nina. I, I feel I could probably speak to you for hours, and I feel so, well, let me just say I feel so much more. I don't know of writer after speaking with you. And not that I felt like down before, but I just, I feel like I get a lot of like good energy from you. So I really appreciate the conversation and touching on different topics and um, I will certainly be downloading the free journal, um, cuz I also want to kinda do. With that body piece and really try and, um, kinda make this part of my daily life, as you said, it's not, it's not just gonna be a week or a month. It's, this is the practice that we all should be doing daily. Um, so thank you so much for speaking with me. I really, really appreciate it.

nina: 41:19

Oh, Francine. Really my delight. Really, really a pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. Thank

franky: 41:24

you.