Real Beauty: The Fertility Detour

This first episode of Season 7 is a reintroduction to Francene, and introduction to my fertility detour. 

please feel free to connect @francenejdavidson 

Transcript

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This episode is part of the Fertility Detour. A limited series under Real Beauty with FD Fertility doesn't always follow a straight line, and for many of us, the path to motherhood or the decision not to become one is filled with loss, uncertainty, resilience, and the unexpected strength. In this series, I'm sharing my own story. I'm walking through each chapter of the fertility journey from miscarriage to IVF, to emotional, physical, and mental toll. It can take in a way that's honest, unfiltered, and nonclinical. This isn't about advice or perfect outcomes. It's about naming what's hard, honoring what's real, and holding space. For anyone who has found themselves on a fertility detour, they never planned for. If this is your story too, I see you, so let's talk about it. Okay. I would also just like to caveat that for this particular episode, I try to record this series in real time. So this episode was actually recorded, over a year ago. So firstly, I just want to introduce myself. Thank you so much for tuning in, whether it's curiosity or maybe you want to learn more about this space, or maybe you're also going through. Infertility issues. And you just want someone else to listen to, to understand that you're not alone. There are others. This is one of the reasons why I really wanted to start this podcast. It's been weighing very heavily. On me over the last number of months that I see people's journeys on. Instagram, those who are brave enough to speak out about it. But a lot of times I see some of those individuals may already be in the public eye and I wanted to create space for people like me

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Who have normal daytime jobs. I don't have endless funds. And I'm trying to navigate this. In that kind of normal day to day environment. And I think it's important to be able to have that perspective out there. That sometimes again, depending on. You're a social media and where you're getting some of your support from externally or you're hearing some of the stories. sometimes it can be hard to relate. And that's certainly been my experience.

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Now for me, a lot of the reasons why I also wanted to do this podcast is to create more awareness. From the very beginning, I'm disappointed with myself about the lack of knowledge I had in this space. And To be honest that I had about my body, my own body. And even now I'm still learning. So I'm hoping just be a shoulder for. Someone else a comfort for someone else, because that is what I've craved throughout this. But also breaking things down versus what my doctor continues to tell me not to do is fall down that Google search trap and not truly having the right information. I want to be able to share my own personal experiences. I want to be able to bring expert insights and have real conversations with others on a similar path. So whether you are in the midst of treatments, you're considering an alternate path to parenthood, or you're just looking for a space where you feel seen, I'm really hoping that the Fertility Detour is here to remind you that you are not alone. So for this first episode, I want to be able to. introduce myself. Here's some background. I am 37 which is crazy. Time has gone so quickly, and I know everyone says that, but oh my gosh, it is crazy. I am originally from Scotland. My accent is so deceiving, and I feel like I actually have to say that when I say where I'm from because people don't believe me. Or they struggle to place my accent, so I'm just gonna go out and say it. I am from Scotland. I was born and raised there in a place called Aberdeen. I work in the oil and gas industry. I always have since I was 17 and I joined the merchant Navy. So I used to work offshore on oil tankers. We moved to the United States over 10 and a half years ago, this will be our 11th year, We moved here with my husband's job, but we both work in oil and gas. We always have done. I'm very passionate about the industry that I support. And then I have worked in and continue to develop a career in.

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I'm always conscious when. You're doing an introduction and I don't know how many of you can relate to this, but with what I do date say, I feel I can introduce myself all the time and you always keep it so professional. So I have been podcasting for a number of years now. Which was a passion project. I started At the beginning of COVID when I was trying not to drive myself crazy. Being at home and missing that connection to the outside world. And also just being curious about other people's journeys. The other one, I started just over a year ago. It's called city after dark. And it is a breakdown of each and every episode by sex and say with one of my best friends Kerryn. So that has been. Amazing. I have loved that so much. I also I'm obsessed with all things fashion. I love putting outfits together. I love makeup and I am absolutely obsessed with skincare. So if you need any tips, when it comes to trying out different products for your skin, depending on what your needs are, trust me, I'm your girl. I will try anything. I also have a spa in Houston run their social media. So it's also opened up. More kind of education around the beauty space and beauty standards. When we think about Botox filler, and now some of the conversations I've had on my podcasts about And another thing. So again, I'm a very curious person, whether it's in my work are outside of my work. I just like to learn. The other piece, I. Also probably have an obsession with is anytime me and my husband agree on a date night, we will typically go to the cinema. I love movies. There's something about going. To the cinema where you just are fully disconnected and taken into a completely different world. And you are shut off for two hours. And I just love that. So we watch a lot of movies together. It is definitely. I would say a hobby. I appreciate others may disagree with them. But, Hey, it's my hobby and I'm here for it. So again I'm here with those film recommendations. And lastly, I love to keep active. So one of the things I've got into over the last year or so is pickle ball, and I know if you're listening, you might eye-roll and be like, God, Pickle ball is everywhere. And trust me, I hear you, but my God, I love it. It has been so good. Having the opportunity to be active again, but in a social setting with different people. And also having that competitiveness that I feel like I have lost a little over the years. Yeah, it's been really fun. So that is. A little bit about me.

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Myself and my husband we have a daughter Luna, and I will caveat as I've gone through this journey Like others, and I appreciate a lot of this content could be triggering. And I will try and kind of state that off the bat with each episode or certain subjects that we will be covering, because I, again, I really want to break it down. With each episode going a little bit deeper from an education standpoint, and then also bringing on other individuals talk more about their own journey. So we can have different viewpoints, but for me. As I introduced what's been going on when we had Luna, it was so easy. The minute we said, let's try immediately a month later, I was pregnant and it's. Crazy to think now and the journey or detour we have been on since we decided, okay, we're going to try again. We want to expand our family and how different things have been and how hard it's. Given me such a new appreciation and empathy for others going through a similar story or a similar path and how hard it is on your relationship with your friends and others that, are getting pregnant and are having a different experience. outside of your own. It tests your, I don't want to say mental state, but it really tests your mindset. And for me, I've always had a very positive outlook on life and situations and I've typically found it very easy to pick myself up and give myself a different viewpoint to continue with that same positivity, but I will say that over the last couple of years, it has been harder and harder as the months go on, so I will be honest. Another reason for doing this for myself is the more I speak about it, and the more I talk through it helps me, to be honest, and some people are very different. Some people would rather not talk about it, not mention it power through, or maybe talk about it a little more privately. I want to say it out loud, because, Each time I have met one other person who is, who have had a similar experience or may had a different path, but it still gave me so much more comfort to know it's not just me. I'm not alone. And more importantly, there is a light at the end of this. If you continue to persevere and that is the hardest thing. As mentioned, we have a daughter who is perfect, and I know I'm biased. Of course, every parent's going to say that but she's just so much fun. Such a great personality. I can see so many traits from me, but also so many traits from my husband, which is so interesting to see the mix of our personalities and characteristics, and as she grows into her own little person. It's been amazing to watch, and I appreciate it every day, and I always had gratitude for that, but even More so as I've embarked on this journey, so probably around three and a half years ago, maybe myself and my husband, we were like, we want to expand our family. We're going to start trying again, thinking naively optimistically that it was going to be the same and easy as it was with Luna. Got pregnant. It took a while. I try and block out truly how long we've been on this journey. And unfortunately, I, or fortunately I did fall pregnant, so I know my body can do it again. But I had a miscarriage. I will say it was very early on. So we were just kind of processing, Oh my God, we're pregnant. How amazing, what does this mean? And then it was immediately. Taken away. So that was one of our experiences. Then we actually got pregnant again, I think maybe a couple of months later, which was amazing. And I was like, this is it. It's going to happen. And I was probably maybe six weeks into the pregnancy. So again, very early and I started to bleed. And I was like, okay, that's it. We've obviously miscarried. It didn't work. It's not for me this time. And I continue to have pain. I continue to have persistent bleeding. I went to the doctor a couple of times. I was like, something just isn't right. I went To the hospital a couple of times. I probably had in total of about four ultrasounds over the course of a week and a half. And naively, I remember not looking, not really asking or challenging when I was told, Hey, it's, you've miscarried. It's just working its way out. And Whatever we are seeing right now in the ultrasound it's probably a cyst. So I didn't think anything of it, but as it persisted, I remember one night and it was actually just before my husband's auntie and family came into town. So I was like, I really need to get this sorted. So I went down to urgent care was admitted. And I remember asking to see the ultrasound. And I looked at it and I was like, it's crazy. It looks like a ring and I was waiting, I was there for hours. So the pain consisted pain continued and I was Googling and I saw it's hard to be able to tell between if it's a cyst or if it is apicotic. Pregnancy, and this is when the egg is stuck or places itself or attaches itself in a different location. So for me, it was in my fallopian tube and. When I looked at it, I was like, I swear that's what this is. I know it. Anyway, they sent me home. They were like, it's nothing. So I phoned my doctor and I was like, I think this is what it is. And she assured me, you're good. It's fine. It's not. So needless to say, we actually went on a short mini trip to Austin. As mentioned, my husband's family were in town and we went to a water park. And. I continued to be sore, continued to bleed, and I was like, this is crazy. And then one morning I woke up, it was probably around 4am, with the most excruciating pain. It sounds so dramatic, but it felt like something had burst inside of me. So by 5 a. m. I was pacing around the hotel room and I was like, I just need to go. I found an urgent care next to the hotel. I drove there and they Reviewed me and I think they did an ultrasound and the doctor was like, you we need an ambulance. You need to immediately go to hospital and get a phone ahead. We need to do something. It is what we thought. It's burst. This is life threatening. Now what's interesting as I reflect back how in denial I was of the full extent of the situation and how life, truly life threatening. It was to the point where they were like, we need to get an ambulance. And I said no, it's fine. A little bit dramatic. I'm going to drive back to the hotel and my husband will take me to the hospital and we'll go later. And they were astonished with just how that was my mindset. And maybe they could have explained it better. And I also think a part of it was being in the U. S. is having like from a legal standpoint, they were very conscious of what they were telling me. So anyway, I had to sign a form to say I am discharging myself and obviously the risk is on me. I went back to the hotel. My husband was like let's go to the hospital. I, in the time that it took me to check in. In hospital and have emergency surgery was probably around 30 minutes. It was crazy how quickly they went in and again, just to the severity of how urgent it was. Regarding the situation, so that was probably around three years ago now that I had that surgery, unfortunately it did burst, I lost my right fallopian tube and I will go into more of those details about truly what that is I would love to say why this happens, but who knows, just that random statistic that now I get to say I'm part of, then it was probably a good number of months later. That even for me, like mentally, I was like, I don't know if I want to try, it was so hard to come to terms with what had happened but we did continue to try a period after, and then I did have a chemical pregnancy. And then another miscarriage again, very early on. So I certainly cannot speak on others who have had a miscarriage later. I can't imagine how hard that must be. But again, I think as I open this journey, The one thing I have learned is what you experience deserves its own feelings and space. And I don't really know how to put this, but it deserves its own importance. As I've gone through this journey, and none should be minimized over the other is something I feel very passionate about, especially as I navigate this and you hear certain comments and it comes sometimes from a lack of understanding or a lack of people haven't experienced this, but a miscarriage is a miscarriage. You have lost a baby. You're grieving. It does not take away from the loss. That you feel so where are we now on this journey is I think, gosh, like three, three and a half years later, we are currently going through IVF. So this is the first time. And we embark on this journey, and I truly hope, fingers crossed, it will be the first and last time we do this. So I've already done the egg transfer, and we're currently waiting for the genetic and gender testing. And then hopefully we will be in a position to transfer. I just want to acknowledge and say out loud that everyone's path is different. This is your detour and. You're going to have your own experience thank you for listening I appreciate you showing this support and again the Fertility Detour is here to remind you that you are not alone.