Real Beauty: Chats on surviving motherhood and everything inbetween with Masha Solechnik

Today's guest is someone who has been incredibly open and honest about the realities of motherhood, beauty in your late 30's, and what it actually looks like surviving life with two young kids. 

I'm joined by Masha Solechnik - digital creator, mum of two girls, and someone who shares the kind of content that makes you feel less alone in the chaos! 

We talk about being in the trenches, as we both are with our second baby girls!

Enjoy, and feel free to reach out @francenejdavidson 

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to Real Beauty with FD, the podcast where we talk about beauty in its most honest form. Not just what we see in the mirror, but what we live, feel, carry, and grow through. I'm Francine Davidson, and here to talk openly about womanhood, motherhood, relationships, fertility, confidence, and the messy, beautiful in-between. This is a space for real conversations, shared experiences, and reminding ourselves that beauty isn't perfection. Whether you're navigating change, healing, becoming, or just figuring out as you go, you're not alone here. As ever, before we get into today's episode, I will start off with the weekly reset. Just a few honest moments from the past week, something that filled me up, something that felt heavy, and one thing I'm carrying forward. So I'm gonna go straight in with the something heavy. At the weekend or towards the end of last week unfortunately, little baby Brie, who is now officially five months old, which is crazy, time has just flown by was a little bit under the weather and was kinda in and out of fever, but certainly not high fever. But anyway, we ended up in hospital, and she was diagnosed with viral meningitis, which it's been a whirlwind of a couple of days. Thankfully, she is fine. We are home. Everything is good. But it is, it was a good kinda, lesson for me 'cause I was so quick with the kinda fever just to kinda dismiss it and be like, "She's fine. It's all good." And it wasn't until I noticed that there was a bump in the front of her head. It was like a bulge in the kind of frontal lobe bit, and that's an indicator of meningitis, and I'm sure other conditions. Outside of that, she had no other symptoms that I would've even considered that. No rash, no nothing else. There's nothing worse when your kids are sick. But now I'm like, "Gosh, I don't wanna put her in daycare and leave her." So I know over the next month, as I've one more month before I go back to work, I know I need to work on being like, "It's all gonna be good. It's fine." But I feel like this has peaked my anxiety, just not wanting to be away from her. Let's switch to something positive something that filled me up. Now it is officially summer, which means, as I said, I go back to work in a month, but that means I get a full month with me, Luna, and Bree, and I cannot wait. I'm so excited. We already had day one today, so very productive. We went to the library. Luna joined a chess club. But honestly, I'm just so excited just to do even just mundane things at home, like crafts, just being able to be with each other and enjoy the slowness, knowing that I'm never, ever gonna get this time back. I couldn't be happier And then something that I'm carrying forward. This is more of a beauty hack that actually s- someone in a restaurant told me this 'cause I commented on her amazing, healthy, shiny hair, and she said that she uses rosemary oil once a week. So of course, I've bought rosemary oil. I'm using it once a week. I'm using it in my scalp, and then just kinda down down my hair all the way to the ends. And, they say kinda leave it in for 30 minutes or whatever. Oh, I'm fully committing to this. I'm putting it in for a day which is actually not the nicest because it kinda looks greasy in your hair, and even when I pin it back, it's not the hottest look, I have to admit. But I'm committing to the health of my hair, knowing I'm full on into postpartum. I am probably shedding so much hair, it's disgusting. And I actually have my hairdresser appointment on Tuesday next week, and I... a part of me is I can't wait to get the extensions out. And I'm not putting them back in. I'm gonna wait until winter. I just feel like my hair just needs this time. But I'm so concerned at how my hair is gonna be. So pray for my hair, but hopefully the rosemary oil will help. So now we're gonna move on into the edit. So a few things I've been reaching for, watching, or loving lately. Okay, so normally I would give recommendations. I actually have a non-recommendation. This is more of a please do not watch. I've watched it for you. It's not worth it. So it's the movie... it's just come out for us to be able to watch on TV, so it was in the movie in the cinema. And it's called The Bride. I've totally forgotten her name, and I really should know it 'cause I feel like I've spoken about her before. But she's the lead actress in Hamnet, so she just recently won an Oscar, and she's an amazing actress. And then you also have, My God, what's his name? Oh my God, what is his name? He was Batman. Christian Bale. And then you also have Christian Bale, and then you have other kinda actors in this, but it is the worst movie. I don't even know how long we lasted, maybe 30 minutes. It sucked. The story was all over the place. It was just not for me, and it is rare that I will turn off a movie. But anyway, I turned it off, so I do not recommend it. A beauty recommendation. I recently went into Lush, literally my favorite beauty store. Oh, I could just buy everything in there, and I wanna try everything, and it smells so good, and it's natural, and it's just amazing for your skin and hair. But my friend recommended... They just came out with this gummy facial wash. I don't really know how to describe it. It's kinda like It is this kinda like a little thing of gum, and you put it on your face, and it washes So it's kinda like this gummy thing. And it smells delicious, and it makes my skin so clean. So I've been using that in combination with their cleanser, which is their honey almond... I think it's like honey wax cleanser. Oh my gosh, my skin feels so good, so soft, so glowy, so clean. Like super-duper impressed. And then the last recommendation I have is I am-- I've not actually finished it, but I'm halfway through. So it's a book, I'm listening to it via audio, but it's called The Anxious Generation, and I am like hooked to this book. It is so interesting. It goes with the kinda same line of thinking that I feel like my head space is already there, especially knowing that Luna just turned eight. So I know in a matter of years, i-if not before, our friends are gonna be getting phones, they're gonna have more access to like iPads, devices that it just doesn't make me feel good about it and good about what this will do to, that generation of kids. And is it helping? Is it not helping? Of course, I don't think it's helping. I don't think social media is a good thing even for adults, to be honest. The amount of drama I've had over social media, even as a 37-year-old adult, is ridiculous. I don't know how we can expect kids to m-manage it, and they're not even emotionally developed or mature. So anyway, it's a very interesting book, and it talks about a lot of the research and facts around basically why technology is not good for kids and how it can have a lasting effect, not just on, their experiences, but also on their mental health and, how they're interacting with kids in the future So it is awesome so far. Recommend. If anyone has listened to it or read it, please reach out. I really wanna have a conversation. But without further ado I am so excited about this episode. Today's guest is someone who has been incredibly open and honest about the realities of motherhood, beauty in your late 30s, and what it actually looks like surviving life with two young kids. So I am joined by Masha, and I actually found her on Instagram. Obviously, I must have just needed her in my life. She is a digital creator, mother of two girls, and someone who shares, honestly, the kind of content that makes you feel less alone in the chaos. And that's immediately why I reached out to her. I was like, "I really want you on my pod. I wanna be able to talk more with you," as I only see snippets on Instagram or, through her videos. And every single time I'm like, "Girl, I agree with you," and I feel like I must have commented too many times. So in this episode, we talk about those intense few months after having a baby, the sleep deprivation, the identity shift, the emotional rollercoaster of going from one child to two, and the pressure of somehow keeping everything together while running on empty. It's an honest conversation about survival mode, motherhood expectations, and finding small moments of yourself again in the middle of it all. So here is my conversation with Masha, and I hope you enjoy. How's everything going? How's Nina doing? Oh my God. It's doing good, thank you. Nina's okay. She had her vaccines yesterday, and it was a really intense afternoon- Yeah but she's doing much better today, so thank God. Thank goodness. Happy baby, happy everyone. I know. Tell me about it. It's such you feel so rubbish when they're n- like unhappy and sick. It's really, it is really tough. And it's hard too 'cause there's really not so much you can do to take away their pain outside of just hold them, and some babies love that. Some babies are just not happy- Yeah regardless. Yeah exactly. They're either they're either inconsolable and you just have to ride it out, or you can quieten them down for a bit. But yeah, it w- it was a, it was intense. It was an intense time. H- how old are your children? So I have a three-month-old and then I have a seven-year-old. So we have a pretty big- Oh, okay gap in between, whereas I think I saw you have a three-year-old? Yes. So Nina is two months now, two months today actually, and yeah, I have a three-year-old as well who's at nursery. Nice. So I can only imagine, and I have some questions 'cause I'm curious on your perspective and your experience kinda having them closer together. Just knowing that it's a lot harder when the kids are younger to be able to explain, "Hey, Mama needs to go do this," or, "I need to do this first, 'cause if not, the baby's gonna be crying, but it's not because I don't wanna play." Oh my God, it's Francine it is so hard. My daughter and I my first daughter, so Najma, who's three, we spent two years together. I was off work for two years with her- Which was a blessing and in a way a curse because she just didn't have care from anybody else but me for two years. Yeah. Yeah. My husband's work is really intense, so he really didn't do that much in those two years compared to me. And my daughter, when Nina came along, had the biggest culture shock ever because I just went from being her everything to just not being available. She's like- So- "Wait, what is happening?" Yeah, so she had a culture shock. I had a culture shock also because I did think, naively, that I would somehow make more time to spend with my older daughter, but it happens sometimes- but it's definitely not regular. Yeah. And she, like the amount of tantrums she's had, and she rejects a lot of caregivers now. So even her grandparents, she can be really tricky with them, 'cause she just says, "I want Mommy," or "I want Daddy." Yeah. The only thing I would say that's positive is that her and my husband and her dad have got a really great new bond because he's had to be so much more hands-on with her, which he didn't in the first few years. But- so now they're great friends, and they have so much fun together, and she loves him so much, and it's amazing to see. But in terms of how she handles Nina and me being busy, it's really tricky. She's just not she's not having it. She's not happy, and it's been two months, and I would say we're still not there yet. Yeah. Even today, like- I think that's normal this morning she was really upset because, me and her were playing before Nina woke up, and then Nina woke up. I had to tend to Nina, and she got Yeah, she was really upset. One thing I would say to anybody who's going through that is trying to include the older child in anything to do with the younger child is probably the best way to overcome these episodes. Because when I try and include her in giving Nina some care, she is a lot more calm and receptive, I would say. Yes. 'Cause she gets to be part of it, I can imagine the other dynamic of you're dropping her off at nursery, and then you're like me and Nina are..." L- like, I don't know how you communicate that to be like, "Oh, we're gonna have such a boring day today. You're missing out on nothing." Do you know what? I don't know if she She's never really had a thing with that. She's been going to nursery since September, and obviously Nina was born at the end of January, and she loves her nursery. Oh, good. So she already had a routine. So she had that routine. So I don't feel like she even thinks about what I'm doing because before I was going to work, and I haven't really said that I'm not going to work. So- Yeah I don't know. I don't think she really thinks about it Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. She's "Of course, Mommy's just at work today." You're like, "Yeah." Man, I feel like we've just gone straight into it, but I do have another question. Just as you were saying about how your older one now has a good bond with your husband I'm curious on how, i'm trying to think how to word this. Like how do you feel about that? Because, of course, yes- you have, the younger one and, you need to kinda balance that time. But do you ever feel a little bit left out, that you're like I wanna be part of this"? All those things- Like, how do you find that dynamic? Great question. How do you even know these feelings come up for women? Yeah. I definitely feel that. Not now, but in the beginning it was... Like I say, I think, and I had this conversation with a really great postnatal therapist once, is that- you all go through maybe not my husband, but me and my older daughter definitely went through a grieving process. She grieved the loss of our routine and connection- and the way things were, and I did also. So when my husband and her started having more fun together and I was there settling a crying baby or breastfeeding or whatever, I started feeling really left out and really sad that I'm missing out on this special time with my older daughter. Yeah. And I would say that feeling really stuck around for the first four, five weeks, and now it's settled down a bit because I try and see the positive in what's happening, nina is gonna be older and more engaged as the months go on. So I'll be able to play with them both, and we can all have fun together. And, my husband can be more engaged with Nina as she's a bit bigger and needs me a bit less. And then I can hopefully have more time back with my older daughter again. Yeah. But yeah, I did. I had- I felt left out. I felt sad. I was grieving. I felt a bit of a lost feeling. The change was really uncomfortable for me, so it was a big deal. It was a big deal, and I think that nobody really talks about that. I'd never really expected to experience that. No. I was the exact same. That's why I was curious, just as you were talking about it, 'cause I'm the same. I've not really heard anyone mention it, and I was like, "Is it just me?" But I felt the same. I felt like I had mourned the loss of something with my older- Yeah daughter. And I saw and again she's older, so I will say from the logic standpoint, it has been a lot easier. And she has been, to your point we've en- engaged her. She's involved in bath time and, she loves doing it. But every time her and my husband go off together and they have their little pact now, I'm like, "I feel so left out." And I'm like, it's such a weird feeling 'cause similar to you, I'm so happy, and I want that for them. But then at the same time sometimes she will take his side, and silly things truly silly things. What are we gonna have for dinner? I say one thing. He say something else, and she's "I want what Papa's having." And I'm like, "Oh my God, when are you gonna come back to me?" Oh, I know what you mean. And so what was the dynamic like before your baby was born? I would say we always had our own- like connection with the things that we would do together and play together. But she has always leaned more towards my husband. She's very much a daddy's girl. Okay. But even more oh my God, it is I do sometimes have those feelings of like feeling left out their little pact, which is- Yeah a common dynamic in a family. Yeah, it's tough, I think. It's really tough either way because I think my husband used to feel very left out. Yeah. And now I feel a bit left out and- Yeah I love Nina so much, she's so cute, but she's not like fun yet, right? You're just in the trenches. 100%. Yeah. They're like, "Yeah." Yeah. They're like, when they give you a smile, you're like, "Are you passing gas or is that a genuine smile?" Yeah. I think it's just the last week when I said to her, "Peekaboo," and, "Hello," she started smiling. Otherwise, before it was just, it was just intense, like- Yeah it was literally- You're like, "Are you happy?" feed. Yeah, it was like feed, burp, change nappy, settle, bed, like over and over again. Bad nights over and over again. So you feel like you have the short straw a bit because your husband's- off having fun with your other child- 100% and you're like, "Why am I doing all this rubbish? This is so-" Oh my God "this is so tiring." That Oh my God, isn't it so interesting? That is so true, Yeah and I think when I had my first, and I don't know if you were the same, but because I didn't have that comparison, e- to your point, you're truly in the trenches. You're like, "We just gotta get through this." I don't know any different. And then I was at home, for however long before she went into daycare. But then this time round because my older daughter is seven, I've missed out on so many fun things that like I have planned Oh, no And they get to go. And you know when you're like, "Oh, man." And like to your point, I love the baby snuggles, but you're not doing anything. You're just- No like you're waiting for the next period of, okay, now we have feed, change, and then sleep. Okay, the next one. And the days just go so quickly versus- They do yeah, like I think that's the one thing I forgot about is how you just work within- Oh these time gaps of, okay, now I know I have a couple of hours. What productiveness can I do in the couple of hours? And then whatever you plan, they're gonna wake up. The waking up when you put them down when you've tried to settle them for 40 minutes- Yeah is so heartbreaking, isn't it? It really is. Oh my God. I, sometimes I just think, "Why did I bother?" Because- that's the hardest thing for me. It's the settling the baby for them to wake up after 15, 20 minutes. Yeah, and then you're like, "I spent so much time..." Or you finally sit down, and you just have a moment of you've done everything else, and you're like, "God, I just want a cup of tea, and I just wanna sit." Yes. And then the baby wakes up, and you're like, "Damn it." I know. It's that cup of tea. My cups of tea go cold so often- Yeah because I make one and think I have five minutes- and I just don't ever have the five minutes. And this is a universal experience. It really is. It really is. My poor cup of tea. I had a cold cup of tea only yesterday. It was just crazy. So I know we've just gone straight into it, but I just love what you were talking about. But I just wanted to say for me, how I came across your kinda online presence was- Oh, great truly as I was in the trenches of, I just had Bree. I was like, "Oh, my God. What is happening?" Your body's just so shocked. And of course, your algorithm starts pairing you up with people, which, that is the one thing I do appreciate about Instagram sometimes is you do come across people that then make so much more of an impact on your life, and I'm sure individuals like yourself would appreciate. And for me, being able to see your contact content and as you reflect on the day-to-day, in the trenches, what's going on the realities of it, I will say that it was so refreshing. 'Cause so much of what you see online is just this perfection that it makes you question, "Oh, my God. Why am I feeling differently?" Or why am I experiencing this differently? Why am I looking different compared to- It's really odd, yeah all these other people?" This is what I find really tricky because I've been watching a lot of vlogs. A woman will say, "Here's my 5:00 AM till 11:00 AM- with my newborn. It's timestamped, and I have three other kids." And I'm like, first of all, how did you film this, edit this, and post this? Yeah. Yes. I'm like- The filming part. I'm like, truly, how did you manage that? Yeah. How did you film it, edit, and post that content in your day? One, and two, how are you doing this? Like, how are you even dressed? I don't understand. It's so complicated for me to get my head around how other people are living their lives because my experience just seems so uniquely different to what I see online. Like- Yeah I just don't understand. What are other people doing? It's really it's really strange because I honestly keep getting lulled into some sort of false sense of security that- this time around it's gonna be like this, and it never is. My, my second time with a baby is pretty much the same as my first- from what I remember in terms of the time, and time to myself, and, you know- Yeah o- like, how tiring it is and all that kind of stuff. So when I see these vlogs of moms, I'm just like, "What?" Looking fresh- "How?" fresh-faced. Yeah. It's just crazy to me. It's really wild. Like, how has becoming a mom of two- I'm having- shifted your perspective compared to your first? So you mention that it's been quite similar. Yeah. Is there any difference? Just my own personal approach is different, having My, both my babies Nadia is now three, like I said, but- as a baby she had quite a few issues with, She had a milk allergy, she had reflux. Oh, God. She was a really unsettled baby. So I definitely had a harder time with her because she was unsettled for about three months, and then we got on top of everything. Nina is much more settled, apart from when she has a vaccine, but- Yeah. she, in terms of the care she needs, and the time she needs, and how much of me she needs, it feels the same. So I still have not that much time to myself. I can't, I can't do the stuff I wanna do in a day. And, but my mental kind of approach to things has shifted, so I don't find it I don't feel stressed about it, and I don't I definitely had postpartum anxiety the first time, 'cause it was my first time. And this time I'm just, I just go with the flow a bit more, and if I have a bad night I'm like, "It's okay. This will pass. I will sleep again," yeah. And if I have another bad night I'm like, "Okay, that sucks, but it will pass. I will still sleep again, and I can go to bed early because my toddler goes to bed early and Nina can go down early." I can There are ways around this. And- Yeah I do try and sleep when the baby's sleeping if I can, and that does help me. So I think I've just ment- made some mental shifts, more like, "This will pass. This is a phase. This will pass. This is a phase," about everything. And the first time I couldn't do that because I didn't know what the phase looked like. Yeah. Whereas this time I have an idea of what the phase is. But I think Nina is Nina is very similar to Nadia in that, she's a very alert baby. She's quite hard to soothe. She's doesn't sleep independently yet. She doesn't sleep through the night. She doesn't sleep long stretches at night. She wakes up every two hours. And so I have the same sort of- fatigue that I did, and I definitely don't have much time to myself. But she's definitely more settled than Nadia was, 'cause she doesn't have the reflux, thank God, and she- Yeah, that makes a big difference she's just a bit easier day to maneuver around. So she fits into Naja's life, and sometimes I can put her down for a while and go off and do stuff, and she's quite happy. Whereas Naja was never that happy with that, 'cause she, the reflux was just bothering her all the time. So- Yeah I think I have a slightly easier time with Nina, but it's just also your mental kind of approach to things I think helps. Yeah, I think that has been one of the things that I have loved the most about having a second, is just because I know what to expect, to your point, I feel so much more relaxed this time round. I look back on myself and I thought I was doing quite well with my first. And I thought, everything- yeah, like I felt confident, but to be honest, looking back, I, man, I was such a mess. Were you? And yeah, and I just feel like to your point, the anxiety, and then you're like, "Oh my God, I'm not sleeping. When am I gonna be able to sleep? When will she sleep through the night?" I was just constantly thinking about the next stage- Yeah that I truly didn't appreciate the baby stage. Whereas this time round, I have that mental, exactly the same what you said, on if we have a bad night tonight, so what? I have tomorrow. It'll be fine. Oh. She will grow out of this. At the end of the day, she will sleep eventually, and it will all be okay. Yeah. But I need to appreciate these moments, and that is one thing I've taken from this time round versus before. I see. And how how is it different for you this time round apart from that? Do you, do you have more support because you're older, your other daughter's older? Do you have, like, how do you and your husband share the load? Do you, what are you finding is different for you this time round that's making you calmer? Because I can hear you're enjoying the baby phase more- Yeah because you're less, like- Stressed, yeah less stressed. Oh, yeah. But it's, I'd just be curious to hear how you're juggling it with your husband and how you're juggling it with your older daughter yourself. 'Cause she, you said she's seven, right? Yes. So I will say- 'Cause that's such a big gap, yeah I would say and just to be truly truthful, and I hope my husband doesn't hate me for this, But compared to the first, he was way more hands-on, I would say. For example I never changed a diaper until the second week because I was- Wow fully adjusted. He did all of it, and then he went back to work, and then, in the evenings he would very much swap out. Whereas this time round it is for sure, I wanna say 90% of it has been me. His work has been a lot busier this time round. And I don't think we necessarily had that conversation, but because I'm off for longer that's just how it's been. But I will say that my daughter, when she is here, she is so helpful. Like I said she does 80% of the baths with me. She's helping, she's grabbing stuff. That's nice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And she's also a very calm presence. So even- Oh when Brie's crying, we're not all stressing out. Luna's immediately "Do you want me to go get her pacie," or, "What can I get Mama?" Or she'll go over and hold her hand. So- That's so nice yes, it has been amazing. 'Cause my husband will leave in the morning say 5:36. He's not back until 6:00 some nights. So it really is us, and then when I pick up my daughter from school, we're, just kinda playing in the evening, and that's usually when Brie will have a kinda nap for an hour, so at least I get that one-on-one time with Luna. But I think, I honestly think the main difference, and I don't want you to hate me for what I'm about to say, but she has slept from six weeks. Oh my God I, yeah. I s- actually saw your post this morning, just being like, "How do we stretch stretches at night?" I don't know- I literally Google it every day. Yeah. I Google it every day. I'm like- I truly don't know what it was, what we did, 'cause I was similar to you. I just went with the flow this time. I was like, I don't want to be so intense about schedules. But we just fell into a schedule. And yeah, she's just been a really easy baby. Amazing. Amazing. I think that's help- that's so helpful to you, isn't it? The fact that you're getting better rest. Yeah. And, and- that's a huge- Yeah component. That, a hugely component. It really is So when your daughter's home, you have an hour of one-on-one time, right? Because you can put Bree down, you're saying? Yeah. So like last night, for example, I- we picked up Luna from school, and then we played outside. So we were on the bike, playing basketball. Bree was just in a bouncer in the garage just watching. And she's pretty content. Like even if she's not sleeping, she'll just kinda sit and just kinda take in the moment. Yeah. So that's what I've been trying to do when I can is when Luna's here, I'm like, "All right, what can we do together and Bree is with us?" Yeah. Yeah, I find that's the one thing about Nina that I do appreciate is that she is quite chill, in that she can just be alert and awake even if she should be sleeping. Yes. But she won't be crying. Yes. And she'll just lie there, and I'm like, "Great. Okay, I can do stuff with Nadia and-" Yeah, you're like, "Make no eye contact." Yeah, make- Don't look over literally make no eye contact. I'm like constantly doing that. It's like when I go and check if she's napping and her eyes are wide awake and I'm like, "Whoa, don't look." Yeah, don't look, exactly. I, yeah, that's quite funny. I'm really jealous. I'm really jealous that your baby's sleeping through the night. So how many... Sorry, not through the night, but how many stretch- what- how many hours does she go? You're truly gonna hate me. So she will- we put her down between 7:00 and 8:00- Yes and she will sleep until 7:00 and 8:00 in the morning. Stop it. I'm not joking. Can you stop? She'll- How did- She'll- How does this happen to people? She'll- When did this happen? So the only thing, I saw someone post online, and I was probably, I don't know, like 35 weeks pregnant, and someone in the UK posted online that she had this like sleeping plan thing. Yeah. And it was basically the amount of ounces they're getting in the day- Yeah and how to try and jam, not jam pack them in, but pack them in so then they're so full that they're not waking up during the night. So yeah, I have had, like actually someone gave me this advice once that if you do want your baby to sleep for longer stretches at night or to even sleep through to give them a bottle of formula before bed. Yeah. Wait, are you breastfeeding? I am, yes. So I also think, so compared to my first, I breastfed for, I really struggled. I just didn't produce at all, so that's another reason why the first time was harder than this time. But I breastfed until six weeks, and she did not sleep. Like she was constantly waking up. She was constantly hungry. It wasn't until we introduced formula because she was- clearly- I'm gonna- starving. Whereas this time round I tried to breastfeed, and within a couple days, like I just didn't produce and I was like, "You know what? We're good. I'm not gonna go through that again." So we gave her formula. So I personally think that's part of it. I really do. Yes. So that's like I feel there's not a comparison if you're breastfeeding versus formula 'cause it's so much easier to make them fill with formula, I think. I'm not an expert, but I believe that. I have been told this by like a online sleep routine baby nanny coach- who basically said she, her routine to get children sleeping from 7:00 till 7:00 from a early age is to, even if you're breastfeeding, is to give them one formula feed- like the dream feed yeah, before, before sleep. So either the dream feed or the last feed of the day- to be a formula bottle because she swears by the fact that it keeps them full and they sleep and all this stuff. But I have an issue with Nina in that she does not take a bottle- Oh and she does not take a dummy. Oh my gosh. Okay. I know. So you're- My first daughter was not like this, but Nina does not. So the only way, so how does she soothe? She sucks on my boob for like hours and hours. Yeah. Okay, my first was, oh my God, my first was like that. She did take a pac- a dummy after, but she would, I honestly look back, I think she used it to soothe 'cause I'm like, "You are getting nothing from this." And like she would suck for like honestly like an hour. Yeah. And then I'd put her down. I think it's soothing. Yeah. Yeah, and then she would wake up like literally 15 minutes later and I'm like, "Oh my God, I can't." Like my boobs were so sore that I think she used it as like a soothing thing as well. Yeah. My, my baby Nina just definitely wants to suck. It's like she will have a full feed, she'll be full. Yeah. And then it'll be- She's just munching the day. She, and then she just roots around, like for sucking. So now I've introduced like a lovey. It's this little soft little lovey thing. Yeah. And I s- I str- I stroke her face with it instead. Yeah. And I'm finding now that she's eight weeks, which only happened the other day, but now that she's eight weeks, since Monday it's started to work. I feel like she's taking to the lovey. So instead of letting her suck forever I just unlatch her and I rub her with my lovey, this little soft- Aw towely thing and she starts to drift off. It's really cute. It is actually really sweet because it's- That's adorable Before you there's nothing you can do. They don't seem to be responsive to many things in the early stages. Yeah, they're like, Whereas now, yeah, like now if I like stroke her eyebrows or stroke her face with this lovey, she will drift off, and I'm like, "Yes. Thank God you just didn't suck on me for hours. Thank God." But yeah, I mean- Yeah that, yeah, that's so much harder. That is harder. It is. It is. Especially when- yeah it's also all on you. Yeah. W- I was just saying this with my husband yesterday. There is always something. Like Nandi had reflux. That was tricky. Nina doesn't take a bottle or a dummy. That's proving to be tricky. Yeah. So there'll always be something. Like I don't know how y- anybody really has a truly smooth experience. No. But yeah. Yeah. And- There's always something and then I think I remember like seeing, the other thing I appreciate about your kind of openness to talking through the journey is there was a number of things you and your husband decided to, splurge on versus- Yes what you did before. Can you talk me through that? 'Cause I wish I'd seen that prior, and I think I would've made different decisions, to be honest. Yeah. I can 100% talk you through that. So basically it was based on our experience the first time. We really did not eat well, right? So we, he would come home from work, and I would pass him the baby, and I would try and cook us a meal, and it would be something really basic- and not very tasty and maybe not very nutritious. It was just- Easy as fast as I could- get it cooked. And we'd eat really late, and this would just be a pattern we had for months and months. And I decided as soon as I got pregnant the second time that we would save money to basically pay a private chef to cook din- dinners for us and only dinners, not any other meals. But it's just so when he came home from work, there was a meal for us to heat up and eat that was, really nutritious, tasty, and healthy. I love that. And it's nice for you guys to be able to sit and have a nice like evening together where you're not stressing about who's cooking, what do we have we gone food shopping. That is genius. Yeah, so that was a decision we made early on, which is to save for these meals, so the dinners. And I basically didn't have to buy anything for Nina at all. She's reusing all of Nadia's stuff. Oh, is that right? So I haven't yeah, I haven't had to spend any money on baby stuff, and I wouldn't now anyway, even if someone said, "This thing's amazing," "Get this," because they just grow out of it so quickly. 100%. Oh my God, they just don't use it. There are certain- No things we bought the minimum stuff, and even then, like I bought stuff off of- like Facebook Marketplace, and I was like- yeah half, you're right, half the stuff they grow out of so quickly. They don't use it. They're at the end of the day, you don't need any toys at this point. Like- No at all. You don't need stuff for- No for babies this little, so- No she she co-sleeps with me as well. She does have a next to me crib, which she uses, but she co-sleeps, co-sleeps with me most nights. Yeah. And then when she needs a crib, we're gonna give her Nadia's crib, and Nadia's crib, and Nadia's gonna get a bigger bed, basically. Which makes sense. That makes complete sense. Yeah. So I feel like, I just feel like we spend money on ourselves this time. So we saved money for the dinners. Yeah. I made sure that I had money to, do pamper-y things for myself. I've had a nail technician round the house to do my nails. I've had- Love that someone come cut my hair at home. And we also even put some money aside for a nanny, but that just has not worked out because people are just very unreliable. So we didn't- Yeah we didn't go through with that. But I'm hoping that a few months down the line I could probably get some help from someone as well. So- Yeah. 'Cause it's even- that's the plan it's even like we, we have a cleaner that comes every two weeks, and I will say I have, like crazy OCD, so if I ever have spare time, I'm like cleaning out closets or doing- Oh like I'm that crazy lady. I'm like this too. Oh, okay. If I'm home- hey. Yes. Hey. I'm glad it's not just me. But then we have a cleaner for, like the floors and, the toilets and stuff. So I maintain, the house, the washing- Yeah all that stuff, and then to have someone- Yeah be able to come in and do the other stuff, oh my God, game changer Yeah. Game changer. I, we also do have a cleaner. She's been with us since Nadia was born, 'cause I could, I just could not clean anything at that point. And that's really helpful. But I just feel, for me, the biggest game changer was the meals, and like getting people to come to the house to do things for me, like my hair and my nails, just because it just makes me feel more myself. Yeah. And it, I don't have to leave the house, and that costs a bit more, but I saved for it. So it's like that l- those little things just make such a big difference. But the cleaner, the c- having someone come to do the floors, for example, is such a big deal. Oh, yeah. Because- It truly is there's just no time in the day to do the floors, is there? No. And we also have a dog, who I love. But my God, her hair. I'm like hoovering every day because of her hair, and I'm like, I couldn't- Yeah there's only so much, capacity you have for certain things. Yeah. So just kinda on that- Yeah, absolutely piece of, kinda doing things for you, such as hair, nails. And I did the same, but I went to my hairdresser, but I just remember at the six-week mark, and I think I messaged you about this, that in the US, typically at six weeks is when you kinda, the doctor is like, "Okay you're good. You can work out. You can, go back to normal activities." I went and I got- Yeah Botox, I got my hair done, I got my nails done, I got a wax. And I was like, you know when you just need to feel like you again, even though you don't look like you? Yes. You just need to do something. And I recommend, like every woman doing something like that, whether it's at your house or you're going out, just to- Yes it's like you're clawing back your identity again. Yes. Yes, 100%. 100%. I think c- because of the breastfeeding and how frequently Nina might wanna feed, I haven't been able to leave the house yet, and I cannot get Botox, which is very annoying, but I'm actually a little bit anti-Botox anyway, 'cause I had a really bad experience, and that might be for another podcast. But I think if you can get someone to come and pamper you at home, do it. Yeah. And if you can get out, even better. That's amazing. But yeah, I think for me, the next thing I'm planning on doing is my mom is gonna come and stay with us for a few days, and me and my mom and Nina are gonna go to a facialist that I love in London. Oh. And my mom is gonna bounce Nina around while I get a facial, basically. Oh, my God, that sounds divine. Yes. 'Cause are you guys- And that really helps because it, yeah I d- sorry, I was gonna ask, are you guys just outside of London? No, we're in London. We live in Hampstead. Oh, okay. Okay, nice. That's- Yeah it's really nice. Yeah. It's North London, and it's about 20, 30 minutes to cen- to Central. So- Nice yeah. I th- and I th- I just think because Nina doesn't take a bottle, I am a little bit stuck, but- yeah I'm, I always try and make it work. So my mum will, and me will go to the facialist. I'll have a facial. I'll breastfeed Nina before and after, and she'll be fine. As long as my mum's there to bounce her, w- we're good. And then it just means that you also get that time just to disconnect, be pampered. Yeah. Oh, my God, that sounds so good. It's amazing that at your six-week appointment after that you were like here's what I'm doing for myself." That's so good for you. Yeah. I just feel like I, I needed to be honest. I- Of course even, yeah, there was, like, certain things that I promised Luna. We have a, I don't know how to describe it. It's it's called Slick City. So it's it's like an indoor play place for kids, but it's massive slides that you have to slide down on a mat. Oh, great. Where you're- yeah but you're, like, front-facing if that you're on your tummy. Okay. So obviously- Yeah I haven't- I've seen stuff like that it's so fun, but I haven't been able- Oh, my God to do it because I was pregnant. So Luna was like, "When you get the all clear from the doctor, can we go?" So I went that night, and I was like, "Doctor, will my body be okay?" Do you know what? I think I saw a mum, maybe it wasn't you, but a different mum posting about this Slick City and watching her children go down these slides on these mats. Oh. And I thought it looked- Yeah so fun. It is so fun. So you did this? Oh- You did it with Luna? I did, and it was, like, the funnest evening. But at the same time, your body feels so foreign to you that you're like, "I hope everything's okay in there." Yes. Oh, my God. Do you know what soft play is? Yes. Yeah when Nadia was Nina was three weeks, Nadia got invited to a soft play party, and me and my husband and Nina and Nadia all went. Aw. It's a really big soft play, and the parents that hosted it were so cool. They hired it out. They got loads of prosecco in, pizza for everybody. Ah. It was so much fun. Oh, amazing. We had the time of our lives. But I had a few glasses of prosecco, and then I went in the soft play, and this is three weeks postpartum, and I was just thinking "I hope my body's okay," because soft play is quite intense. Yeah, it is. It's like even we have trampoline places here. And I've gone a couple of times since, and Luna's "Come on, let's bounce." And I'm like, "Girl, there's only so much I can bounce at this point without peeing myself or something happening." I'm like- You can't just stand "Let's just take it easy." Yeah, of course. Is she seven? Does she understand that you're in recovery and all this kind of things? Yes. Yeah, we like we've been pretty open with her, to be honest, about, without going into too much detail, but what I found here in the US is about 90% of the women around me got C-sections. I did natural. So Luna was like, "Oh, they're gonna cut the baby out." Yeah. And I was like, "No." Oh. And then she was like are you gonna poop the baby out?" And I was like, "Oh, God, do I need to explain this?" So I sat her down and explained it in the simplest of terms. Yeah naturally she went and told all of her friends that, "My mom- Okay is not having the baby cut out. The baby's coming out front." I was like at least she's educated." But especially before having the baby we explained to her "Hey, Mommy's gonna be sore," and that's why we kept on mentioning the six-week mark, which then it backfired 'cause she's "All right, this evening, let's go. You're six weeks. We can do this." And I was like, "Yes." Oh, my God, that's hilarious. But again, her being older and having the understanding for me to be able to be like, "Hey, I'm really sore today," yeah she'd be like, "Okay, Mama, let's have a movie day." She was just super helpful. That's great. That's really good. Actually Nadia's a good age now for movies, so we've had quite a few movies- Yeah which I've really enjoyed. Yeah. When I'm, like, breastfeeding and trying to rest and stuff, that's been quite helpful. So it's nice that you can do that with Luna as well. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Even yeah, I remember Luna getting to that age where she wasn't napping anymore, and- Yeah you're kinda like we need a little bit of a break throughout the day," so we would use it as quiet time, and we'd put on a movie, and we'd all kinda relax. That's really good. And it made life, oh, my God, once you get to that stage, it's so much easier just being able to have some quiet downtime, even just as a parent. 100%, yeah. A hun- 100%. You need it. It's just impossible not to have it, I think. Oh, 100%. So I have another question. What made you kinda start creating kinda content online? Oh. Yeah. Great question. Do you know what it was? I'm, I've always been really passionate about beauty, and when I used to buy magazines, I'd always look at the beauty section first. I always used to wanna buy everything. Oh, hello. And yeah, used to wanna buy everything, and sorry, Francine. No, you're good. You're good. Oh, dear I think she's got gas. Aw, baby. Bless her. Yeah, so I used to wanna buy everything, and then I just decided one day, 'cause magazines were, like, not a thing anymore in 2018. I know. I miss them. You couldn't really... Yeah, I miss them also. And I just decided one day to look on social media to see if I can find any good beauty accounts to follow. Yeah. And I came across an ed- a beauty editor from a magazine I used to love, and she had a beauty account on Instagram, and it looked so interesting, and I was just, I don't know, inhaling all the information. And I thought, "I have a load of beauty products, and I like to review them, and I love to talk about them with my friends. Why don't I just do it online?" So I just started my social media account in 2018, and it was just a little hobby, and I just dipped in and out for years. And there have been years, like in COVID, where I took it a bit more seriously- and it was a little a little, I built a little community, and I was making some money, and it was just, really useful. And then that's ki- how I treat my account. It's a passion project. I love beauty- Yeah and skincare, and I love motherhood now, and I just, use it as a way to connect with other people, share my ideas and opinions about things, but also, to earn some money, 'cause the skincare and beauty stuff is still a big passion of mine. And brands really wanna work with genuine creators who wanna talk about- Yeah their products, but in a real way, not not giving fake information. So yeah, I I just fell into it from just a love of beauty and discovering that people, do use social media to talk about it, and then it grew from there. And yeah, over the years, I've just dipped in and out, and I've never really taken it too seriously because I've always had a full-time job. Yeah. But whenever I'm on maternity leave I always just get back into it a bit more. And I found that when I was pregnant and now, it's just so nice to connect with other people who are mothers and- Yeah going through the same stuff- Oh, yeah like yourself. Oh, 100%. It's such a good way to create a community. But yeah I've been exactly the same, to be honest. I grew up loving skincare. I love beauty prod- I love trying things. So mines has always been a, passion project, too, and then to your point going on maternity leave, I was like I'm naively thinking I'm gonna have time." Yes. So let me take this a little bit more seriously, and then you're like, "Why am I trying to fit all this stuff in?" But it's- Yeah all these products, and it's to me buying a new lipstick or, something else, especially in this time of my life, it just makes It completely transforms how you feel, and you feel sexy again, and, like- Yeah I wanna dress up. I wanna make the effort, but it's not every day. So I appreciate finding accounts like yourself 'cause I very much relate to it. Thank you very much. I really love what you're doing as well in terms of, talking about motherhood and learning and sharing with myself and other mothers about their experiences. It's really great to build that community because there's so much we have that is shared that we just don't know about, and it- Exactly it's really great to, I don't know, connect on that and not feel so alien and alone in your feelings and experiences. So it's really it's really cool to be part of your podcast. Thank you, Francine. I appreciate it, and thank you so much for making time. I know it's not easy, especially when we have new babies, and I think maybe Nina is communicating with Bri, 'cause Bri just woke up, and it's "Oh, what's happening? Is there another baby here?" Yeah. Maybe Bri's gonna be like, "Mom, feed me. It's, it's- I know it's time for my- It is time time for my snack." It is time. But thank you- great, great- so much great chatting to you. I am really passionate about growing my community of, women who wanna be, I don't know, wanna feel and look their best but are also moms. So it's really great to connect to know that you're into that as well. 100%. 100%. All right. Hey have a good day snuggling, and we'll talk soon.