Building Godly Confidence in the Next Generation

In this inspiring interview, Host, Andi Harper has a special guest, Leighton Lunger on. Leighton shares her journey from public health to founding Pray Her Forward, a ministry focused on biblical mentorship for girls and young women. Andi discusses how difficult it can be for teenage girls to discover their confidence. Leighton shares beautiful wisdom and insight on how we can make a change.

Discover practical tips on building confidence, overcoming insecurities, and mentoring the next generation with faith and authenticity.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Conference Reflections
02:51 The Importance of Mentorship
05:55 Building Confidence in Christ
08:56 Authenticity and Relationships in Ministry
12:08 Overcoming Insecurity and Lies
15:02 The Role of Trials in Building Faith
18:00 Journaling and Reflection for Growth
20:54 Empowering Young Girls Through Identity
24:05 Affirmations and Scriptural Truths
25:15 Empowering Girls Through Faith and Prayer
26:41 The Importance of Healthy Relationships
27:40 Balancing Appearance and Identity
29:24 Navigating Rejection and Social Media Pressure
31:50 Understanding God's Intentions in Our Lives
33:42 Guarding Our Inner Light
35:43 Encouraging Girls to Lead in Faith
37:50 Mentorship Across Generations
39:38 The Impact of Small Conversations
41:45 Taking Thoughts Captive
44:14 The Power of Gratitude

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, it's your host, Andy Harper with For the Love of Chaos Podcast. I'm so excited because I have an amazing guest on with me today, Miss Leighton. Hi, Leighton. Hi, how are you, Andy? Good. I'm so excited to have you on today. Thank you for having me. You rested up from conference last week, Ken.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

Getting there, getting there. It takes about a week after a conference.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Oh, yeah. So Leighton was also, I spoke last week at Teach Them Diligently in Pigeon Forge, and I had a booth there, and Leighton was also there. And we have some mutual friends and we were able to connect. And um, so I I love meeting you finally in person, Leighton. But it's I realized firsthand how exhausting it is to actually be on the other side of it because usually I am the one going around to all the booths and I'm there just as an attendee. But actually being there speaking and having a booth, it's it's tiresome.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Oh, absolutely. And it's life-giving in the best way, but it is exhausting. By the end of the day, you just want to get in bed and stare at the wall.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So, Whiteon, tell us a little bit about your ministry. What about you? About who you are.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Yeah. So I live in South Carolina and I actually have a background in public health. I did public health for about 10 years. Um, but it's interesting, I felt like the Lord was always stirring in me this desire to like start my own thing. And my parents were actually entrepreneurs. So I think maybe I grew up just kind of watching them build a business and wanting to be a creative. And so over the years I tried different items and just nothing really came together until I was unexpectedly laid out for my job a couple years, about three years ago. And I, you know, kept trying to apply for another job, and the Lord just kept shutting doors and telling me not to take up positions. And after about actually, it was nine months of the day, which has a lot of symbolism in itself. I always say the Lord was birthing in me new. He basically told me, like, what is your passion? What is what are your gifts? What are your desires? And I just don't know if I had the confidence yet to like step out because it's very scary leaving your stepping into something new. But I just, if you ever had that feeling of like, I just can't let this thought go, like it just keeps coming up and it's a beautiful thing, it's probably from God. And he just kept laying on the need for for girls to be mentored, and I've always loved girls and young women's ministry. And so, very long story short, I just started praying and journaling, and the Lord laid the name Pray Her Forward on my heart pretty quickly, which was cool. I didn't even know what it was gonna be at first, and it just really evolved into a ministry. Um, the name is Pray Her Forward, and it's focused around biblical mentorship and discipleship for girls and young women, but also equipping their mentors because I think there's a lot of fear, even as adults, that we have of, oh, I'm gonna lead her astray, or I'm not qualified, I don't know the Bible well enough. So I really do a lot of mentoring the mentor, both in churches, moms, outside of the church, and helping people know that God has equipped you for discipleship. It is the great commission. He's called us all into it. And so leading girls in confidence um is something that is my heart, but it should be important to all of us as women and moms, even if you don't have children, because I don't have children. So um I can totally relate if you're like, I don't know if I have, you know, a calling to do this. I promise you you do.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Oh, absolutely. I love it. I love it. And that's what we were just talking about is you don't have to have children of your own in order to disciple the next generation. Like it's much needed that we all need to step up. We're in a generation where girls need that somebody to speak life and biblical wisdom into them, like more than ever. I I talked about that. That was what my session was over at Teach Them Diligently. It was talking about raising up godly daughters or daughters with godly confidence. And I've talked about the difference between having sometimes we struggle with confidence in ourselves, but whenever we place our confidence in Christ, that's when everything changes. And um, I had watched a video about uh walking into a room like God sent you there. And whenever you start believing that, that's whenever it changes everything, you know, like your perspective. Like, even though we struggle with our self-confidence, sometimes we can have complete confidence in who what who it was that sent us there. So tell me a little bit about you said that you didn't feel the confidence that you felt like you needed to start your ministry. How did you evolve from that? Like, how did how did that get better?

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Yeah, good question. So what's what's really cool is God had given me a mentor about 10 years ago. Um, later in life, I had mentors when I was younger, you know, youth group and that kind of thing. But um, I was in my mid-20s and the Lord gave me a wonderful mentor. Her name is Esther. Um, and I actually dedicated my mentorship curriculum that I wrote called More Precious Than Pearls to her because so much of the God has given me over the years is is in the curriculum. Uh, so God had given me a wonderful mentor. I have wonderful parents, and just I was surrounding myself with people that could speak life into me and intentionally choosing people that I knew would guide me along on this new journey. And so it took a lot of, it was a lot of me seeking wise counsel in the form of one-on-one relationships, uh, but even like books and inspirational videos, Christian testimonials of other ladies who have stepped into the unknown, really, and a lot of journaling. So I spent a lot of time with the Lord. And I honestly looking back, this is obviously a ministry that serves other people, but it served me in so many beautiful ways of boosting my own confidence, not in myself, but in the Lord. Because at looking back, I'm like, there's no way I should have known how to do any of this. I didn't have a background in this, I didn't have experience. I was starting, you know, in my late 30s, which I felt like I was really behind. And that is all a lie from the enemy. The enemy is going to try to use every way he can to tell us that we are not qualified, we're not equipped, we don't have what it takes. And the truth is we don't, but God does. And so I know it's kind of cheesy, but I always call it call it like the god, the confidence in us because it's really Christ, when we surrender and we let the Lord start to flow out of us, we operate so beautifully in our gifts and we stop striving and we realize that I don't have to have all the answers. In fact, God doesn't want us to know what tomorrow is going to look like sometimes because that doesn't require very much trust, you know? And so just stepping out in this and just putting so much prayer over. I mean, I fasted, I prayed, I journaled, I asked people to surround me in prayer. I have a prayer board now, and the body of Christ will provide everything that you need in every area of life.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Yes, and something that I found myself telling so many women just over the weekend at my booth is that we feel the pressures that we have to be something like we've we set these unrealistic standards for ourselves as women, like every day. And we have got to get out of that because in order, like if you're raising daughters or if you're helping mentor the next generation, it starts with us, like it 100% does. It starts with us. And if we don't have the confidence, they see that, you know what I mean? Because I would find myself trying to build up my own daughters, um, and you know, especially my teenage daughter, like telling her things about her worth and how beautiful she is and this and that. And then I would pick myself apart in the mirror the next sentence. And I talked about that, I talk about that a lot in my book, but it starts with us, and it's those small changes that we don't have to be enough because God is enough, like he is enough. And we weren't meant to have it all figured out. That's what faith is, and that's what walking forward, sometimes blindly, I mean, not blindly, because we know that he goes before us, but just trusting him kind of with the blindfold a little bit, you know, that that he goes before us and that he's already there, and we don't have to have it all figured out, and we don't have to have it perfectly together all the time, you know?

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Yeah, we we need authentic, and I think that's what girls are really craving. In fact, there's some interesting research that's come out from Gallup and some other polls in the last few years, surveying young people and asking them what do they need and want most from the church? And if people are leaving the church, why are they leaving the church? And a lot of the research has pointed to the fact that young people are craving relationships. They want genuine, authentic relationship. They want to be known, seen, and valued. And the way that we can communicate that to our young people is absolutely setting the example, um, calling them by name, getting to know them, asking the hard questions, and like you mentioned, really being mindful of the way we talk about ourselves and we set that example. So, so one thing my mentor always tells me, and this has been 10 years of hearing her say this, is God just loves me. God loves me. I know he loves me. And it's so simple, but like I've always picked up on that and thought she just knows her value in Christ. Like she knows who she is. And there is nothing that screams confidence louder than just saying, it doesn't matter because God loves me, you know, and and we're gonna make mistakes, we're gonna get it wrong. The Lord is gonna allow us to walk into situations where we're so off the mark and we're maybe we embarrass ourselves or we make a fool of ourselves or we say something we didn't mean. That's the life. And God gives us so much grace for that. And at the end of the day, it's okay because you are so loved by the Lord. And when you really step into knowing how precious and how uniquely uniquely made you are, and that you have gifts that other people don't, and vice versa, for a reason. You're not supposed to have all the gifts, then it just makes life so much more exciting, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Oh, absolutely. And there is a difference in like self-confidence, like okay, worldly confidence versus godly confidence because worldly confidence, like what girls or what women, what we just as a whole think of when we think of confidence is that every, you know, we don't need anybody's approval except for God's. And that's what I try to emphasize to my teenager, but it's hard for teenagers because we are living in a world full of selfies and highlight reels and likes and followers. And sometimes they feel like that measures up to who they are. And that's a lie that we've got to squash because the enemy will use that against them and it will make them feel isolated. In a world that's more connected than ever, I feel like, you know, anxiety is at an all-time high. Like 57% of girls report having anxiety. You know, teenage girls have an anxiety or depression of some sort. And in a world that is so connected, it's also disconnected at the same time. You know what I mean? Because being able to have face-to-face conversations, that's something that they that they struggle with. That's why I'm like, we've got to put the phones down. I feel like phones sometimes are just crushing confidence and also crushing just ability to be able to communicate with one another. But worldly confidence is based on people's approval or godly confidence is just based on the one. And once, you know, there is a certain freedom. And it took me my 30s. It took me to my 30s to actually come to a place of being free of opinions of others. And that was the most free that I have ever been, is whenever I got to that place in my life where I realized I'm not living for anybody else's approval. I'm not living for anyone else's opinion. As long as I'm living to uh to make God happy and you know, to to as long as I'm living by his standards and and what my morals, you know, sticking to my morals, it doesn't matter if there was a there was a video or like a blog going around at one time that says you're not always gonna be everybody, you're not gonna be everyone's Chick-fil-A sauce. Everybody has a different kind of Chick-fil-A sauce. And I was like, how true? You know what I mean? There's you're not gonna always be everybody's cup of tea. That's okay. But just being true to who you are and true to who God says that you are, and having confidence that that's okay, that I don't have to have nobody else's opinion really matters except for God's, you know, that we're not living for approval of others or for likes or for for followers or all of these things, but it's hard coming to that point sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

It is, and you know, I remember being younger, and even now as an adult, I have times and seasons, and when I was younger, sometimes it was years where I was just so insecure, and I just had such low confidence, and which was strange because I had so many great things going for me, but sometimes you know, the outward perspective and what you perceive people to be is not the reality on the inside, right? And so I if you are somebody listening to this, that's like, man, I just feel so down on myself because I'm not confident, I am insecure, like I do worry about what people think, like I do compare. First of all, there is no shame and condemnation or condemnation around that. Don't feel guilty about having these feelings because uh we all feel them. And the enemy is not very clear, he attacks us all, no matter what our age, in the same way, and that is tearing apart who we are in Christ and our identity and who God created us to be. Because if the enemy can get at our identity, our self-worth, our confidence, then we stop walking our purpose, we stop being bold, we stop uh following our calling, we give into fear, we we don't have courage, and what a what a great place for the enemy to have us where we just shy away from the the effect that we could have on other people and the kingdom impact we could be making. And so if you're feeling those ways, what I want you to first do is start praying intentionally over those things that are you know are lost from the enemy that you need to stop believing. And write, I used to write a list, and on one side I'd put the things that build me up in Christ, the things that I know the Lord would want me to believe about myself, um, those self-affirmations that come from God. So uh it says in Philippians 4, 8, whatever is uh true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, if there's any excellence, if there's anything worthy of praise, think about those things. And so write down those things about you on one side and say them over yourself, affirm yourself, say them out loud. And then on the other column, write down the lies that you hear that you know are not from God. If it if it isn't a loving voice voice, affirming, building you up, then it is not from God. Write those things on the other side and then start rebuking them out loud, saying no weapon for my dexness of a process. Read those things that you are believing and you're cycling through your mind and in the ways that you're comparing yourself and start giving those to God because it does, it took me prayer over time to really start releasing those things and saying, No, I'm not gonna believe that. That is that is not the Lord, and I reject that in the name of Jesus. And it took, you know, saying it out loud, words are powerful. And so that's one way that I began to like step into my calling and confidence and not worry about what people think. And honestly, Andy, a lot of times I think that when we're getting attacked and people are being hateful and and maybe bullying us, being cruel, um, it's because we're on the right path. We're doing God's will. We're gonna upset people, we're gonna we're totally we should expect persecution, and especially when you are operating your skills and your gifts and your passions, be surprised. You should be surprised if you're not getting some pushback, if you're not upset with some people, and you're not feeling some warfare because that is the enemy saying, Oh no, this girl's got something going on. Like I need to, I need to attack her specifically. When I started my ministry, that's when all these things started happening that you just can't call coincidence. Um, but God is more powerful than that, he's gonna equip you to to get through those those difficult times. And um, and yeah, he'll build he'll build confidence in you. It's such a beautiful journey.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Absolutely. I say all the time that opposition from the enemy is evidence that you're walking into your callings, that you're walking through the doors that God has set before you. Because uh if everything is just sunshine and rainbows, you know, he he has no reason to attack. But whenever you are walking into your callings and into everything that God is telling you to do, expect that opposition. Like that's just evidence that you're walking towards what God has for you. Um and the confidence thing. So the affirmations like you were talking about, I feel like that's everything, like speaking life over yourself and speaking life over your girls. And like I had told a friend, and I wrote about this in my book, that taking post-it notes and writing those affirmations and sticking them on the mirror and reading them when you get up in the mornings. You know, that's something that I've told my daughter to do. Do we do that all the time? No, not near as often as we should. But just remembering that whenever we face those moments where we feel insecure or we feel like we're being judged or we feel those attacks, um, to speak, you know, and even sometimes it's in our own mind where we get in our own head and we feel, you know, the end we let the enemy whisper those lies that we know are not of God, but they still get to us because we are human. Allergy season. My allergies are awful today. But speaking, I'm the head and not the tail. I'm above and not beneath. Greater is he that is in me than he who is in the world. Um, all of those things, there is so much power in our own words. And sometimes we speak things that aren't of God over ourselves, you know, like, oh, I'm never gonna be enough, or oh, um, I am maybe I'm not called to do this, or I don't know if, you know, I don't know what I'm doing. You know, all of these things that we may not have it all figured out, but God does. And it's in our weakness that his glory is on greatest display. So it's fine if we have lots of weak areas. I do, and that's where God He gets all the credit. He gets all the credit for any ministry that I do because I can be a mess. So anytime that we have weaknesses, that's when his glory is on greatest display.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

Yes, and that's our testimony, that's what you're gonna share with the girls and your life is you know, you you don't get a testimony without a test, my mentor always says. And so you're gonna want some valleys and some trials that feel really, really hard. And then you're later gonna be able to relate to somebody else. It's like, hey, I've been there, and be you can be genuine and say, No, I really have. I know how you feel, and this is what I did. This is how I got through this. This is how the Lord um really provided my faith to be able to get me through those hardest moments. And I mean, you're gonna carry into eternity is how you really dealt with those trials and tribulations and the times where you were pressed on all sides, and you get to then model your girls and your mentees, like I got through it. The Lord helped me through it. It wasn't my own strength, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Oh, absolutely. And it is through those tests. A lot of times, whatever you're you go through those trials and those tests for a reason to help somebody else on the other side. Like your testimony can help unlock somebody else's testimony, but sometimes we keep our testimony and we hold it tightly, you know what I mean? Because of shame or because of uh just being vulnerable, sometimes it's scary to be vulnerable. And all of these things that we that sometimes we don't share our testimonies as often, but being able to share with other women, especially, there's so much power in that because knowing I know that whenever I've gone through hard seasons where I felt like I could not, I felt so much peace. Like it was something it just brought me so much peace to know to talk to somebody else that had been through something similar because all of our stories are different, and everybody has gone through hard, difficult things in our lives, and especially like you said, a lot of times that's what if it wasn't for the hard things in my own life, I wouldn't be walking in ministry today. Like, like I I wouldn't it's those times where you get closest to God, I feel like whenever you go through hard tests and trials, that sometimes that's whenever you get the closest to God and He takes you to the next level of where He wants you to be.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Yeah, absolutely. He's using all of I mean He's uses all things for for good for us. And you know, I think we're right in the middle of it, it's so hard to see that. And of course, the enemy is telling you, like, you're gonna sit in this forever, this is you know, pointless. Why am I going through this? Um, and but you know, building our confidence in Christ in Christ is walking through those and then being able to look back, and that's why I encourage girls to journal and write down their journeys with the Lord. And and my mentorship curriculum is designed in a way where girls can go back over time and look and read the things the Lord was doing in their lives and all these different areas that see like the journey that God took them through, and they can realize, like, wow, the Lord was in that moment, and I maybe I didn't see him at the time, but now that I'm a little older, I can see like how he was using that in such a beautiful way to build to build my faith.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

I love that. I love having like there's there is beauty in journals, like I have tons of journals that I wrote, you know, as a child and as an adult, and even now, and sometimes I feel like that's a lost art. So I love that journaling, because you know, texting has taken over the realms and notes, which I have a lot of those too, is like notes in my phones, but actually sitting down and handwriting it, it's like therapeutic in a way, you know, to be able to, especially like prayer journals. I'm like, you're right, like being able to go back and see how God was actually working in that season when you couldn't see it. Yep. Something that I talked about in the session about raising up daughters is that they have to know who they are, or the world will try to tell them who they are. You know what I mean? Like they have to know who he is, like who God is and who they are through him before they figure out because a lot of times they struggle with identity. You know, they struggle with that. Um, they go through phases that's hard. Like, especially like middle school years and and even high school years, you know, with that that cusp of like what age do you see like that's a struggle? Like girls that you've worked with and mentored, like what What age do you feel like it starts to be a struggle?

SPEAKER_02 22:03

You know, I think it's different for for everyone, but it typically I feel like it starts entering around middle school age, you know, that um 12, 13 age, would you agree?

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Yes. Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

That's when we what do you say?

SPEAKER_00 22:18

You go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

I was just gonna say it's when we kind of become more aware of the world around us, you know, and start being exposed to all those things that get in our head.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Oh, absolutely. What are some practical things that you tell girls at that age to do? I know the affirmations, but like what are some things that we can do for them specifically, like at that age when they're figuring out, you know, sometimes friend groups change, sometimes they're changing, you know, their bodies are changing, everything is changing at that age. You know what I mean? Like it's it's hard. Like, what are some practical things that you tell parents or mentors or even the girls that that help in that season?

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Yeah. So, first of all, anything that can be taken away and that does not have an eternal kingdom impact into eternity should not determine our value and our our self-worth and should have nothing to do with our identity because it doesn't. It it says in Genesis, um, we are made in his image, male and female, he created us. And so something that was really convicting for me at one point was realizing that when I'm picking myself apart or when I'm comparing myself to other girls, I'm actually not being grateful about the wonderful body and temple and uh personality type and uniqueness that God has created me into. And I'm actually criticizing my God-given image. Yeah, it's like an insult to him. It is, it is that created us, yes, and it was it was very convicting for me and in a good way, a healthy way. And so I encourage you to remind girls of that of God created you in his image. So you're criticizing yourself, you're actually criticizing your father in heaven, and he made you specifically the way you are for so many purposes, so many, so many unique reasons that the girl over there doesn't have. And so keeping our eyes on how we are created, why we are created, the purposes that we have, and that's something that we kind of learn over time, but making sure that girls are rooted in the word and reading it. And like you said, I love the sticky note idea. I think like finding those scriptures. When I started my ministry, I I've made a list of affirmations and a list of scriptures that I read over my ministry. You can do the same thing over yourself if you're struggling with confidence, identity, self-worth. Um, make that list and read it out loud over yourself. I know I talked about this earlier, but it is so important to start to create new neural pathways in your mind of like where does your mind go when you see something or you hear something that is hurtful or kind of tears you down? Do you rebuke it quickly? And you'll get in this habit of automatically rebuking that that's not from God because you know it's worth. And and like you said earlier, it's so important what we're we're speaking over our girls and the words that we're using. And saying like and talking ourselves up when we know girls are watching us, like I know I'm worthy. Um, I'm not gonna let that person get my confidence. Or here's a big one let's pray for them instead of passing judgment or making assumptions, like, let's let's pray for that person together. And I love this one too. Like, let me see what God says about that. And so modeling to your girls that you take seriously the word of God and what he says to you, and that he does respond to you in prayer. And when you take something to him, he has something to say about it. So teaching girls to have that two-way conversation with the Lord and bringing those things that they're struggling with to God and saying, Lord, what do you think about me? What do you think about this? And what do you want me to know about it? And what lies do I need to lay at your feet that are just not from you? And so that was a yeah, that was a convicting moment when I was when I was younger. Um, and making sure you're in the right community, you know, making sure you're very carefully carefully choosing your friends and who you're surrounding yourself with. And it is really hard to cut ties with people that you care about and you love and are good people and you enjoy being around them. But sometimes God takes us into a season of, hey, you're growing, you're stretching, you're learning, you're vulnerable right now. Um, it's not good for you to be around those people and helping the girls understand why, and then modeling that as a as an adult, like letting our girls see, like, I'm gonna call I'm gonna create a little separation between Susie just because I don't feel like it's healthy for me right now. And that is not judgment, that is using discernment and wisdom around absolutely healthy relationship for me right now. Like Susie talks way too much about her her appearance, she's way too consumed with you know having to buy all these new clothes and do all these and do all you know makeup and appearance and outward expression. These are not bad things unless they become idols in our lives. And so maybe girls know like we have to have balance. A balance, yes. And I watched uh different YouTube videos to just kind of see like what girls are watching these days, and I'm just kind of amazed at how many girls are just so caught up in the shopping, the appearance, the look, the uh what what their um their their knowledge and their expertise of all of these outward worldly things that don't really matter. Yeah. And and I don't want to talk down about like the fun stuff, the nails and the makeup and all that, but being really careful about like, is this does this really matter? Or am I becoming an expert on things that aren't really important in long term? Yeah. Because the thing is, those things are gonna go away, they're gonna disappear. We're not always gonna look like we do in our, you know, teens and twenties. And if we have our identity tied into those things, then over time we're gonna forget who we are and we're gonna lose our confidence because they're tied up in things that don't matter. So trying to keep up with the Joneses and like not teaching girls that like you don't have to be like everyone else, just because all your friends are going these places, doing these things, they have phones, they have makeup, they shop. Those things are not important to your long-term happiness, joy, success, uh, importance. Those things are not gonna matter in the future. And so, yeah, we got to teach girls that at a young age.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

Absolutely. And I also feel like it doesn't help that, like, you know, in the 90s, whenever there was a birthday party or whenever something was going on, you know, you got birth like invitations and stuff like that. But like now, everybody's daily life, especially for teenagers if they have any type of social media, they see anything that they weren't included in. You know what I mean? And or they see this and that, and then they're, you know, just like you said, with like the nails all the time or this all the time, and it's that comparison and it it kills them inwardly, you know what I mean? Like it does something to them, it dulls their spark in a way, like if they allow that to get to them, you know what I mean? Like feeling rejection. Uh and sometimes that's something that I talked about in my session too about rejection. Sometimes it can feel like being set aside, you know, like for for girls that if they're not included in something, or maybe their friends do change, or maybe their morals have shifted, you know, whatever it is that they feel like they're set aside. Sometimes it's God's protect that rejection is sometimes God's protection. Sometimes it's you're not being set aside, you're being set apart. And being able to have peace in that, but it's hard for young girls, you know. I mean, we're living in a generation where it's more difficult than ever to embrace all of those things whenever you're feeling, you know, whenever you're seeing everything, like seeing our we don't have to post everything every day about ourselves. You know what I mean? Like that we also have to come to that, that we are living in a world where we feel like we do. And, you know, I'm guilty of that sometimes. Like, you know, the vacations or this or that. We don't have to to do that. We don't have to post every single thing about every day, but sometimes they feel that pressure too. But being able to see everything and then feeling the the rejection and that sting from that, letting them know that that's not that God's actually maybe protecting them in this season.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Yeah. I mean, I can't tell you how many doors have closed in my face over the years, whether it be a job, a relationship, um, something that I thought was just it for me. And and looking back, wow, the Lord was really protecting me. Like that would have been a terrible path to go down. And at the moment, in the moment, I felt like it was the most important thing, you know, to be at that party, to be invited on that trip. And even as an adult, you you don't get invited on a trip. It's crushing, you know. You feel like, well, what am I not part of the group? Am I why am I left out? But something my mentors taught me over the years is I think, and I agreed with her, I think the Lord is very intentional about our time and where we're supposed to be and where we're situated, even at a certain time of day. You um leave the house five minutes later, maybe you miss an accident. And so she's taught me to pray girls to pray over. Let's ask the Lord if you're supposed to be there. What does he say? Can you imagine if you teach an 11, 12-year-old to start praying about where um in my mentor, she's funny, because she'll pray about what grocery store to go to. And I I'm like, it's just so beautiful. She is so partnered with Holy Spirit on where her life is supposed to be at this moment that, like, if we're teaching girls that when they're 10, 11, 12, well, let's pray on if you should go to that party. Let's pray about that event. Like, let's pray, you know, they're just learning and making it a habit to always ask God. And if if he closed the door, you're not invited, maybe you're not supposed to be there. Say, that's all right. Maybe God didn't want me that. And so feeling like you you don't always have to be involved in everything, you don't you don't always have to be at every event, and a lot of times maybe it's better you're not. Something happened there, you didn't need to be a part, yes. You see, there was gossip going on. Just praise the Lord. Hey, I got to sit home and do my own thing, you know. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

Something about my I had a video, I posted a video of my little girl not too long ago. I think it was on TikTok, and she had come in fussing about one of the other kids blowing her candle out. That's something that we talk about with the girls, is you want to be around other people because we all carry a candle, and we want to be around other people that help guard that flame. You don't want to be surrounding yourself with with people that suffocate that flame or try to take that flame out because we all carry a light inside of us. And, you know, it's like that song, this little light of mine. And so she was heartbroken, my little six-year-old, because somebody had blew her candle out. She said it's not an actual candle, but protecting that flame and that can't, you know, the candle that we carry. And we also want to help guard other people's flames. We don't ever want to be the person that blows out somebody else's candle. You know, if they're excited about something or or whatever it is, just that light, we don't want to dull their light. We want to help, you know, fan the flame. We want to help uh protect the other girls' flames instead of being the one to blow out the candle.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

I love that. That's such a beautiful analogy. I think that's so true. And and you want to be your friend's biggest cheerleaders and supporters, you know? And um, jealousy and gossip are uh, I just think some of the enemy's best tactics at separating people Especially for girls, especially for women.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

I mean, you know, that's just it is you're right. That's a tool that he uses, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

Any age. I mean, you can be 13, you can be uh 50, and you and you can see um the root of evil from from those kind of things. And so separate yourself from from gossip. And you know, if something's bad about somebody, um, that's an opportunity for you to jump in and say, Well, I like this about them, or just change, you know, sometimes I'll just like so, anyways, what are you doing this weekend? You know, just change the subject, or sometimes you have to walk away from it and say, I just don't want to hear it, I don't want to be part of it, I don't want to be seen, caught in that conversation. It takes a lot of courage, and you might lose friends over it because you're not the one that's you know, unfortunately, gossip sometimes brings people together, but it's not in a good way, it's deception. That was the toxic bond. Yep, absolutely. Knowing when it's you know time for you to be the bigger person and to set the example. Um, I guarantee you, if you've got friends that are talking about other friends, they're talking about you too.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

Yeah. So yeah, no, they know you're absolutely right. Yeah. Um, something else that I felt like was important that I had talked about in the session that I'm the about the raising girls up with confidence is that sometimes with boys, like I know, like where I have boys and girls, sometimes we're we're in a culture where a lot of times we are telling boys especially things like, oh, you can you can be a little preacher one day or you're gonna do this or that. We've also got to remind our daughters at a young age that they can also carry the gospel. They can do ministry just like you're doing or like I'm doing, or they can, they can lead Sunday school. They can do, they can do whatever that they want to do as far as the kingdom, that they can carry the gospel to, that they have, they have that boldness inside of them. And I said, I feel like sometimes we're missing out on a generation of Debras and Esther's because they don't have the confidence to speak up. So that confidence starts small. You know, it starts with those small habits of being able to share testimony or to talk about Jesus at the lunch table or wherever it is that they're at. But those small things and even things that we do every day, like with mentorship or with speaking life over them, those things create kingdom impact, even if it's in the car ride. You know, whatever it is, like those small conversations, but also instilling our girls that they can also carry the gospel, that they, they, that God equips them. Look at how many times in the Bible that God used a woman to carry the gospel, to carry message, to be a messenger for all of these things, because sometimes I feel like the confidence, whenever they lack confidence, it keeps them back, it holds them back. So being able to instill at a young age that they too can carry the gospel, that they can do things like major kingdom impacts for Christ, that they're not disqualified because they're a girl.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, look at King David. I mean, God chooses sometimes the youngest, most um apparently unqualified young, you know, kids to kingdom impact, as we read about centuries later. And um, I remember talking to a young girl, she was uh early teens, and I said, D did your do your parents take you to church? Something along those lines. She said, No, I take my parents to church. And the leader was saved, her parents weren't, and she invited them to church with her, and she would ride with, you know, she would ask her parents every Sunday if they would come to church with her, and it just hit me so hard because I was like, God is using this little girl in her parents' life, unbeknownst to them. She's trying to get them saved and to know Jesus, and um he is discipling them, probably, and that's not the way God designed and and intended the home. Um, our parents should be spiritual leaders to us, but yeah, that does not mean he won't use a young person to disciple an older person. And um, one of the things I do in my ministry is I help churches establish mentorship programs within their church, and which is really just a model of discipleship. And churches, it's really neat what they're doing. They're actually having their high school girls mentor their middle school girls instead of having older women in the church come in and mentor, they wanted the high school and the middle schoolers to get together. And I was like, how neat to empower young people that even though these girls are surely still learning themselves, they're now equipped and empowered to lead a girl a couple years behind them and decide them on their own experiences and and what they're learning, even in the past year. We have valuable experiences that we can share. And someone asks, like, how much older do you have to be to mentor somebody? Well, um, an answer that I heard somebody say that I love is just a little bit farther along, not very much, just a little bit, you know. And so um you're absolutely right. God uses uh young people, it doesn't matter your age. Um, I forget the exact word Timothy that talks about, you know, don't look down on those who are young, um, because you know, God's using everyone to make an impact. The Great Commission is for all of us. It doesn't say what age.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

Absolutely. It does, it doesn't discriminate against age or gender. Um, we just have to those small things, those small things that we think sometimes, especially with me, like sometimes I'll have conversations with my teenagers or with my kids, and I I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other, you know what I mean? But then there are other times where you're like, they do listen more than we think, you know, whenever you're speaking life into them and trying to teach them wrong from right, and sometimes you feel like it falls on deaf ears. But those little moments, those conversations, those bedtime prayers, whenever you are exhausted at the end of the day, they make a difference. So that's what I want to speak speak to moms and speak to mentors and anybody that is discipling young women or young boys in the next generation, that it makes a difference and it starts small, those small habits. And just like us with confidence, um, it it's not gonna change overnight. God can absolutely deliver you of that, like any struggles that you have with self-worth, but it's making those small changes daily, like speaking kinder to yourself or belie, you know, speaking those affirmations and rebuking those lies and taking every thought captive. And those small changes when we start making that, it's kind of like with our bodies. Whenever we're in a funk and we want to be healthier, so what do we do? We make those small changes of, you know, I'm gonna start walking, I'm gonna start drinking more water. Whenever we start doing those things, we start noticing a difference. So it could be overnight, but it could be most of the time it takes discipline and it takes just starting small. But those small moments matter and they make kingdom impact for you and for your daughters and for the next generation.

SPEAKER_02 40:49

Amen. Absolutely. And you mentioned the the thought taking their thoughts captive. One of my favorite Bible studies I've done with my small group is called Get Out of Your Head by Jenny Allen. Have you have you heard of it? Yes. Yes, love that because I think one of uh a girl's greatest challenges, and again, I do think this is from the enemy, is um we start believing things in our minds and we make it a bigger deal than it should be. And this is between boys and girls, you know, uh us girls, we love everything. And I can ask my husband, what do you think is nothing? How are you not thinking about anything? Yeah, nothing's going on in there, but it's just the difference we we will overthink and we will get so caught up on a thought, a belief, a lie until we just the ground, we talk about it too much. And really, all we need to do is bring it to God, ask him what he thinks, and then let it go. Let it go. And um, I remember this happened recently to me in in marriage. So this I'm not saying this just happens with with teenagers. Um, but I just got this thought and belief in my head that my husband was meaning something that he wasn't by something he said.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

And started mulling on it, you know, and thinking about it all day and just getting angry and like and convincing myself that he meant something that he did not, which we could do this with friends, we could do this with anybody.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

I know I'm just so mad, and nothing had changed. He hadn't talked to me anymore, he hadn't approached me. I just went from like zero to a hundred, and it was all just me allowing the enemy to get in my head and plant a lie that something was not true. And when I finally brought it to him and told him, he's like, Why, why would you just tell me that? Like, that is not the case at all. It's not what I meant. That I don't even know how you got to that. And all of a sudden I was like, I don't know how I got to that either. And it just yeah, it was a good reminder of like we can convince ourselves and we get these mental spirals. And um, oh, I wasn't invited to that party. They they must not like me. Now they're all thinking about me, they're all talking about me, they're all sitting around and and later come to find out the invitation didn't make it to your mailbox, you know, like you were invited the whole time. So just be careful, help our girls to to be careful of like the things that we spiral with on our minds, and that's why we can take our kids captive, like you said.

SPEAKER_00 43:13

Yes. Uh wise counselor has had once told me that it's like a snowball effect, our thoughts. And that once we think that thought, if we allow our time and our energy and more thoughts, it's more thoughts and more thoughts. And it's like a snowball that starts off small at the top of a hill, and by the time it rolls down the hill, it's this big thought. You know what I mean? It's it it it changes the trajectory of your day. And it's something that it starts what starts out as one small thought if we don't take it captive and it we give it that time to to gain, you know, the momentum and it goes down that hill. It's this big giant snowball of of thoughts and of feelings. And and not only that, but bitterness takes root. You know, we've got to be careful about that's something that I have to pray about. It's like not letting bitterness take root because that's like poisonous too. And we've got to pull up, pluck up those bitter thoughts or you know. Whatever it is that that tries to take hold in our mind, just like the thoughts, you know, taking it captive, but pulling up any bitter roots, because it'll take root and it'll cause bitter. We don't want bitterness in our heart, and we don't want we want to take all of those thoughts captive and give them to God.

SPEAKER_02 44:13

Yes. And a grateful heart is always honoring to God. Just, you know, this is not a Christian practice always. Some non-believers do this, but I think it's just as effective because I think it comes from the Bible and the word, and that is starting gratitude and writing down gratitude, yeah. You know, just telling the Lord when I wake up in the morning, I've gotten in this awesome habit, and I'll just be barely awake. And the first thought I have is thank you, Lord. Thank you so much for this yet to live in and the family that I have and my health. And um fact that I get a bed to sleep in and air conditioned and power and the things that we I spent five months in Africa and like the things that we take for granted that we have to, and that's why I think it's so awesome to take your young people on mission trips at a young age so they can see the reality of how other countries are living and how incredibly blessed we are. And so just start your day with like thanking the Lord, and and it's really hard to be bitter if you are filled with gratitude. Um, and you really kind of stop thinking about those negative thoughts so often if you're constantly grateful and you can see it just exudes from people and they have a spirit of gratitude and it's just um it just kind of pours out. It's like contagious, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

Because you know how you feel like if you're around somebody that's that's maybe really negative, like a negative Nelly, and then you're then you're with a positive Polly, and you know, your whole day feels better. You know, it's it's contagious. It is. Uh so whenever we are around somebody that's constantly complaining, it kind of rubs off on us and you know makes us feel as kind of feel the same way too. But whenever you exuberate that positivity and a grateful heart and you know, starting your day off, just like you said, with those affirmations and that gratitude and being the position of your heart is thankful, um, that is contagious throughout your day with your kids or with uh with anybody that you have contact with, with your spouse or your friends or whoever it is, being able to uh let that rub off on them as well, you know, because it does change the atmosphere. It does. Absolutely. So, Whiteon, where can we hear more about like is it your website to hear more about what you do about Pray Her Forward?

SPEAKER_02 46:25

Yeah, so my website is prayherforward.com, and there's lots of information on there about my curriculum, More Precious Than Pearls, um, the workshops and speaking I offer. And then we also have an online community for mentor moms, um, mentors or moms or both, and it's called the Mentor Collective. And we meet twice a month. We have a guest speaker come in every month and talk to us about a different topic. It's all virtual, um, but it's just a great community to have somebody that's kind of pouring into you as a mentor as well, as you guide your young people and maybe not so alone as you mentor. So that's all at Cray HerForward.com. You can join my email list. I send out a bi-weekly pearls of wisdom email. And I'm also on um Facebook and TikTok at Cray HerForward.

SPEAKER_00 47:12

Okay, awesome. Well, I have loved having you on today, friend. Thank you so much. You have so much wisdom and you shared so much, and I'm just thankful to have you on today. So thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 47:21

Thank you for having me. This is so much fun, and I hope we get to do it again.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

I really for sure. I've loved it. Okay, thank you guys so much for listening to the for the Love of Chaos podcast. Make sure and tune in next week. Y'all have an awesome weekend.