Testimony: Leaving Egypt, Perfectionism, Workaholism, Codependency

Egypt in the Bible usually serves as symbol of bondage and deception, the entrapment of the soul. In this personal episode the host, Jenn shares her testimony of leaving behind a life driven by others' expectations and finding true purpose with Jesus Christ. Joined by her friend Ellie, Jenn delves into her struggles with perfectionism, workaholism, and codependency, and how these led her to a breaking point. Through prayer and faith, Jenn found salvation and transformed her life, shedding idols and embracing her true self. Tune in to hear a story of God's life-changing grace and the journey towards authentic living.

Just Know Though Podcast provides an open space to discuss mental health, some episodes contains depression and past trauma which are not to draw attention to the guest, but rather express the painful thoughts that one may experience. To highlight the tremendous journey, and potential power one possesses to overcome battles. To encourage support and grace because it is more common than we think. If you or someone you know needs assistance, please text or call the numbers below. Most importantly reach out to them and let them know they matter and that you care and then listen.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Escaping Egypt: A Personal Journey
• 2:13 Struggles of Fitting In
• 3:06 Faith and Upbringing
• 4:25 Life Without Jesus
• 7:16 The Turning Point
• 11:50 Embracing Faith
• 15:09 The Woman at the Well
• 21:18 Poetry and Healing
• 24:15 The Power of Writing and Journaling
• 26:34 Overcoming Fears and Finding Faith
• 28:42 Navigating Life Changes and Setting Boundaries
• 34:46 Embracing Authenticity and Building Relationships
• 44:50 Final Thoughts and Upcoming Series

Transcript

Jenn: [00:00:00] Because I had to take myself out of that environment. You're going to make Egypt, an idol. Have to leave Egypt. So I had to leave my Egypt. But getting Egypt out of my heart. It was just a series of tests. 

Welcome to Just Know the podcast where we offer real talk and real comfort. My name is Jen and our mission is to keep it real and to encourage you in whatever you're walking through. Just know you are never alone. I hope you enjoy today's episode.

Jenn: All right. Welcome. I welcome back to just know though podcast. We are doing something very different today. I'm actually going to share a bit of my testimony. And I have my good friend, Ellie with me, and she's pretty much going to lead this episode. It's going to be very different. Very vulnerable. I'm 

Ellie: so excited. 

Jenn: We're going for it. 

[00:01:00] Yes. 2025. It's crazy because I actually invited Ellie to cohost the next series with me. Which will be the power of singleness. There's a lot there. I just want to put a plug for the next series coming out. And also. 

How special it is for me to share this with someone. 

Ellie: Yes, I'm so honored. I get to be. The one to host you today. I get to ask you the questions because you have such a powerful, full testimony and have so much knowledge and wisdom. 

Yes, we're here sitting in my living room. Couch with my tea. I was nervous too, but it has been so great. 

Jenn: Just getting to know you the last few years and everything you've been through. And listening throughout the podcast and all the guests that you have. You do throw in snippets of your experience, a little bit of your testimony, but I'm so glad you also realize it's finally time for you to I'll put yourself out there, but for [00:02:00] people to really get to know you. But before we get into the deep, hard questions, Do you want to do a brief intro or is there something you want everybody to know about you that you may not have shared previously? 

I do want to say that I've always felt like I've never fit in. I was just going along. With what I was told to do. And what made sense in the world, and with that, I've just been tripping out to being from a small town. I was born and raised in Salinas. I'm first generation Filipino. And those things culturally have really shaped me and my mindset. And I'm not hating on anyone or anything, you're also from a small town too. There's can be a lot of gossip. A lot of it can be in your business. 

Jenn: And you just want to get out. With that. That's always been like a theme. I don't think I really embraced being born and raised in a small [00:03:00] town. Until I really embraced who I was and that wasn't until like my early thirties. Late twenties. Faith wise, I grew up Catholic. But I did not go to any catechism confirmation or any Sunday school. 

i only new Jesus, Mary. Joseph. And, God but I didn't know anything else. But I do think at a young age, God has always gifted me with faith. I just didn't know how to encounter him or that encountering him was possible. But, my parents always had 

faith. In Jesus and they always. Resorted to prayer. But it wasn't like we prayed at the dinner table. It wasn't like we prayed together. 

It was just always knowing that there is a God. I always knew God was real because my parents believed in Jesus. But I didn't have any opportunities or any awareness. Or hunger to know [00:04:00] God until I turned 30, I bought my first Bible for myself when I turned 30. 

Ellie: So we're similar where we didn't grow up in a Christian Church. I went to Catholic school few times think only made it to my, not even my first communion. And we stop. Going to church, even talking about God in general. 

And now that. We are saying we are believers. And we can look back. How would you describe your life without Jesus? Like how did you get through. High school and college, 

Jenn: how did I make it through high school in college? I barely made it out. Barely made it all.

 I was reflecting before this. 

I don't think I ever really knew myself. I put so much of a facade. On. So when you ask, like how did you get through high school and college?

 Really was putting on such a front. And I always have struggled with perfectionism. I always did what I thought I was supposed to do. Get good grades, go to [00:05:00] college. 

Do this club, do that club. 

And just do things for the sake of doing it because you're told to do it. So I literally was just doing whatever anyone else told me to do, whether it's my parents. Or a teacher. Or. Someone that came and talked to the class. Wow. 

Like counselors or something. 

So I let the world guide me. I would say is how I got through. All of that. 

Ellie: So it's you're always looking. For an approval. 

Just because now as a believer later, I realized that. In our early years or in general for most Christians are trying to fill this void. So you have this void of being approved. You didn't want to be rejected. You were. 

Working hard to get approved, and we're an overachiever workaholic to finally get you to the job.

That made you comfortable in life. Was there still something missing? achieved [00:06:00] everything. 

Jenn: Ellie does know part of my story that I've always struggled with being a workaholic. But to paint the picture. Like I was that overachiever. I was that girl, like if there was extra credit, I will do the extra credit. 

Ellie: It feels like you in class. I know we got problems. 

Jenn: I did go through. 

High school always. Wanting to people, please, always having this idea, the back of my head. Of what I had to do to make it to college, to have a life. Be financially dependent, right? The American dream. That was definitely always in the back of my mind. I did that through college. Then I had a good job. And if there wasn't enough for me. then I went to grad school. And in grad school I was doing. A bunch of things and I was going to grad school. 

Full-time. Working full-time. I was part of clubs. I was a part of a college bowl competition. I forget now, but I was [00:07:00] chasing so many titles to make myself. Sound better. More competitive in the workforce. And then. It got to the point where. It was such an ingrained. Mentality that I had. pivotal point of my testimony is when I had pretty much worked my way to the top of my job. I was leading a division. I was probably in charge of $6 million. Operational budget. And I had direct reports. But even all of that, I struggled with imposter syndrome.

And I thought I was never good enough, even though people believe I could do this job. Did not believe in myself. And then I just spiraled. I was working. To two in the morning. And it was such a regular thing and like working 7:00 AM to 7:00 PM and then doing it the next day. 

And I wore it as such a prideful thing and it's so normalized in the bay area. So [00:08:00] that's why I share That I was always lonely. 

Never loved how I needed to be loved or accepted for who I was. So I always thought I had to be more and have more. And so sharing part of this testimony is like I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do. But in reality, I had so many idols in my life. I was an idle money, was an idol. 

My accomplishments were an idol. Whoever I was with at the time was an idol.

 But I was so unhappy. Because nothing was ever good enough and I was never good enough. And , I really let the world drain me. And I had a lot of dark thoughts and it got to a point when I had everything. I had my own place.

My own car. Good job. I was pulling, a good six figure salary. And. I was having suicidal thoughts. I was having thoughts of self harm. I wanted to cut myself. Because I just wanted to feel [00:09:00] something . It was a really dark time. and that upbringing, being first generation. Being from a small town, wanting the American dream. All of That guilt. That comes with. What your parents went through. And their sacrifices, subconsciously. I just carried with me so long and so much. I had a slow pool into sin.

But sins that were approved by society. And then I was super codependent. On validation from others. Overall, it was just the obedience to man and not God. And I just got really heavy. 

I went there. 

And I don't know what your question was. 

Ellie: How your life was like before Jesus. And it's just so gone. You let the world guide you. I was saying, if you do this a, B and C. [00:10:00] Then you're going to be happy. And you did all that plus more. Did the whole alphabet. And you're still lonely. Still had no connections. Did you even have time for friends? 

Jenn: Friends. 

Earlier I said that. I was always putting up a front. And not in a way, that I knew I was pretending. I think it was because I never knew. How to. Be myself. Because I was always looking for approval. It's not like I knew how to have genuine connection. With people. We were attracting each other. I had people around me, but I never really had genuine friendship. I would hang out with people and they had boyfriends. And hang out with them and their friends and their families. I had time. For everyone and everything else. But myself. 

That sounds so sad, but , I literally filled my life. To make other people happy. 

Ellie: Telling them what they want to hear. [00:11:00] And they want to call you to hang out again. I hope she calls me back. Cause I want to be in the group. I want to be at the parties. But no matter how many people around you cause still be the most loneliest person in the room. And you're avoiding getting to know yourself. 

Jenn: So it feels like the matrix, like you're playing a game like. You don't even know you're playing it. But I think also because. Being from a small town. I was also bullied when I was a little, I also feel like I never fit in. So it was just a way to survive. 

Yeah. Oh my God. You were in survival mode that whole time. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I know so many years. Yeah, it really was. I think that's why. Satan really had a hold on me. 

So I hit rock bottom. Learning that you could go after all of these things, but still be so unhappy. And when I saw that I need to go to the suicide hotline. That's when I had prayed. I remember being in my room. And just staring at the wall. [00:12:00] 

Jenn: And just say God, please save me. And I closed my eyes. And then from there. Things just took off. Slowly. But I didn't have those thoughts of suicide anymore. And the more. I am brace God. Things happen. But it took that. Short desperate prayer. To lean into God.

Was that the first time you prayed? No, 

I had prayed, probably like sincerely.

I handful of times in my life. And each time I look back, God has always answered. Wow. There was one relationship I was in, in high school. It was really abusive, just. Emotionally and mentally, but I feel like all high school relationships are abusive because we're immature. So I am a lot of grace. 

We would have just done this back and forth thing for so long. And I was so unhappy. It was so toxic to where. I don't know, a mental thing where you just. [00:13:00] Have this tie with somebody and you can't let go. When the other person wants to let go, it's like you're both pulling at the rope and you're both getting deeper in sand. And so it got to the point where I remember. I was like, I don't want to be with him anymore. 

And I prayed. I was like, God. I pray is the last time we're together. And it was legit. The last time we were ever to get. So there's been moments of that. I'm being so desperate. And just saying God, I don't want to do this anymore. And he's always showed up. 

Ellie: Wow. So at first it was just the most desperate time. 

So when you would reach out to him, Yeah, something would happen. You're like, cool. But then go on about your life. 

Jenn: . It's like when you say those prayers and not knowing God. I would pray those prayers. And forget, I prayed them. Until years down the road. . And you're like, wow, that was God. Yeah, I went about my life. 

And so it was a cycle. Yeah. [00:14:00] 

Ellie: So would you say that's what your turning point was when you just literally did everything you could in your power and your control to my. To make yourself happy.

That you were like, finally, God just helped me. I get through this. 

Jenn: I never thought of myself as someone who. Would have suicidal thoughts. And I knew. That was something way bigger than me. Like I knew oh, this is scary. This is scary. Like when you think about. Taking your own life. I knew I was at a dark place. That was a reality check for me. But it meant. That. I had to chase all the things and get all the things.

First. To be like, okay. What am I doing in this life? If I'm, I've got all the things, what I'm supposed to have. I X, Y, and Z age. But I'm not happy. 

Ellie: Yeah. Wow. That's so sad. I'm literally hitting the bottom.

But also I think that Got to [00:15:00] let you try to take control for a while. So I feel like we all have to reach that moment. To finally give up that control. Oh, God, this is up to you now. Can you explain now in a few sentences what your life is like now with Jesus? 

Jenn: I compare myself to the woman at the well. The one who had five husbands. She was a Samaritan, and so it was like unheard of. For Jesus or literally anyone that was Jewish to talk to her. And she had five husbands. Meaning. She wasn't married to them. She just went them. She is basically the first person. That. Tells the whole town. That the Messiah has come. I say, I. Feel like I'm the one at the because it was in that moment, Jesus revealed himself to her. And there was not going back. 

No, like he knew something that only she would know. And. Then she proclaimed it with boldness and I feel like my life now makes so much [00:16:00] sense. It's peaceful. I have purpose. At this time in my life. It's overflowing with so much more than I could've ever imagined. 

When they say that your life. Unfold, right when Jesus, I get truly unfold.

Take down all of my idols. One at a time. And it was tough. I'll backtrack because you know how she just went hard for God. Yes. I literally when Jesus revealed himself to me, I was like, I'm going to church. Yup. I'm going to baptize. I'll go to freedom retreat. Yeah. Therapy. I'm gonna go to a therapy retreat. 

 I'll fast. It was to the point where. No in the Bible, it says. Submit yourself to God. Yes. Resist the devil. He will flee from you.

Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. 

Then I'm going to keep going. And I had so many moments of that. But.

I think my moment meeting Jesus was.

At this point., I knew I was [00:17:00] depressed. I had prayed. God was showing up. Just in my mind. Of I wasn't so dark anymore. And then I went to crisis therapy. 

And then. Did a fast. I did the Daniel fast for 21 days. ' cause I heard it worked. And at this time I was in a really small spot. In Daly city. And.

I never thought I could move out of that place, but I knew I wanted out. And I just knew there were things happening in my life that I needed guidance on.

I heard you could do the fast and it would help. And I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I wasn't saved at the time. It was just like a leap of faith. So I had prayed a couple things. They tell you to write down. A few things. So I wrote down a few things to. pray on during the fast. And. The first thing I had prayed on was for God to take away my anxiety. Wow. And the fast was [00:18:00] really dark. 

No one warned me on the warfare part. I wasn't in community. I wasn't in a church. My warfare was really bad. And a lot of dark thoughts. 

My very last day on the fast. I realized I wasn't anxious anymore. And then I just started crying. I was. Like, whoa, God is so real. A couple months later, cause they say you do the fast, you're not going to hear God right away, but you will down the road. a couple months later. I heard God. 

The first time I heard God out of audiobly. I just started weeping. And that really solidified. Everything for me.

Ellie: You didn't even know God, but he had this faith.

That takes a lot of Christians. Who've been believers for a while to get to. There's still doubt. I know it's true, but this. You didn't even know him. You didn't even know what God was capable of. And so you're like but I'm tired of doing what I'm doing and something's leading me this way.

Oh, how 

Ellie: [00:19:00] beautiful. 

So I'm so glad you brought up the woman at the well. Because. Ever since I met you. That's all I see you as just being bold, having so much faith. 

Just 

Ellie: running and telling everybody, you definitely meet people where they're, where they are. I think when I met you Yeah, you were baptized. You didn't go to the freedom retreat or anything. So special that I saw you go through that. And a lot of people believe that you have to be perfect before you go to God. But you were not at all. He went to God. You led him. Drop those idols for you. Your eyes had changed a different perspective, had entered. Your life and you had just been. Gun-ho just Jesus, everything. I want to be delivered. 

I want to get baptized. And. I just love it because.

I've been a Christian for 10 years and it's taken me years and years to finally drop my idols. And that's what the beauty of this is that people should know. You don't have to come. Perfect. You come as you are. [00:20:00] God made you that way. God made you do these long, lonely dark parts. So you have this testimony to give others, and you're not the only one who went through that. 

I'm just so glad that you're willing to share your story willing to be obedient on the podcast. I just learned today. That you're, only been talking about God on your podcast. Like the last two years. Half of the amount of time you had your podcast? I had no idea. And that's great for the followers from the beginning who can see that switch and turning point. 

Ellie: And now you're still that woman at the well, for the last two years. And if you people go back and look, they'll find that point where oh shoot, there, she goes running into the town.

And I holding back, even though there's many times, I'm sure it's very hard to be obedient because we're scared. 

But that obedient has been so worth the reward and it's not like we're in it for a reward, but it's just, God sees us and he loves us for that. So it's just been amazing watching your journey. In a short amount of [00:21:00] time and. I love that whole woman at the wall thing. Do the right thing that describes you. 

Jenn: Have a poem called a woman at the wow. 

Boom. Yes. Let me see if I can find it. Oh, please. 

If not there's another poem. I think I do want to share. 

So I'm going to share a poem. And I barely started getting into poetry.

Jenn: In spring of 2024. So I'm not super great at it. . This one's called the woman at the well. I look back all the men. I previously, he dated only to realize I'm the woman Jesus met the well. Who had five husbands. 

I became one flesh with immorality, impurity, jealousy fits of anger. I lived in their drunkenness. I stood beside each boy as he rebeled in the days of his youth. I silenced myself as they yelled. I tried to fight back as they tore apart. My self esteem. Comparing me, they lose insults as they flirted with girls, either in person or on a screen.

I was the woman who's taught love and all the wrong [00:22:00] places. I ate the lies that myself on fire and burned in my poor discernment. Disheartened disillusioned disgraced. I was deaf to the truth. Blinded by a vision I created in my own head. I'm not sure if it was a Disney movies or standards placed by society. But I paid the cost and heartache and tears. Refusing to settle. 

So I left each husband wondering God, are you real? Then I met him at the well. Jesus says, spoke to me. Day by day, he delivered me from each stronghold, broke the chains that held me to the ground. My Redeemer. I know I'm not crazy. God knew each one, a man securities that left me wounded and bruised. I needed his saving grace to heal my heart to rebuild. 

Finally, in my broken spirit is renewed. L Roy, the God who saw me. And his refuge. I learned my hard lessons. That my relationships filled, avoid it with idolatry. I kept myself small thinking. It [00:23:00] would help me from getting hurt. And I lost me by pretending. My Lord has been my help and in the shadow of his wings, sing joy. I feel free no longer bound by my past. Like the woman at the, well who said, come see a man who told me everything. 

Wow. 

Ellie: I love your poems. Dang, it's so beautiful. You can just feel. The pain and loneliness and.

Just the way those men made you feel. I'm so glad you're embracing it. You're sharing it. On a separate Instagram now, and everybody can go back and listen to it. I already know that you're doing poetry and journaling, but Is that something that's helped you keep your faith steady being able to let that out on paper. 

Jenn: Yeah. My therapist always told me that. I lived in my head. I had a lot of anxiety. And I suppressed a lot.

And this is just go with me here. [00:24:00] Having an emotional vocabulary is just not a thing for a lot of cultures. Let alone people who are first generation. Or people who have gone through war. Why feel your feelings when you got to survive. Yeah. And eat I never really had emotional vocabulary. So writing has really helped me and get all of my thoughts out. And. I just helps me lean in and I just started out writing. To help me with my thoughts. And sometimes I wouldn't even write in full sentences. I would just write words down. And then I got more into free writing. 

I used to do okay. I'll write for 20 minutes, but then I started discerning. When I needed to write, like when I fell in easy or when I felt heavy. So writing has always been. A solid tool for me to use. I keep all of my journals. So it's been really cool to see, my earliest journal [00:25:00] entries. When I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I God answered her prayer, or I prayed for this. I'm praying for that. And then I'll read it back and I'm like, wow, God really showed up and answered my prayers. It also really encourages me sometimes. Let's say today is January 4th. I'll look back and see if I did an entry. January 4th. 

Ellie: Oh last 

Jenn: year. 

Yeah. And chances are that I have whatever, like holy spirit puts it on my heart. So that also encourages my heart and my faith. When I read it back. 

Ellie: Wow. I love that just because we forget. You're human. We forget what we've been through. We forget what pain we're feeling that day. And it's also so cute to see how you matured a year later wow. That's what I was stressing over a year ago, over that little thing. 

So I love that and you've encouraged me because I'm terrible at journaling 

but the few times I have written my journal and I do look back, it's a reminder. I'm like, [00:26:00] oh my God, you did this for my family. You did this for me. And I feel so bad on my God, my bad. I didn't mean to forget, but I'm human, life goes on and you're distracted. It's such a beautiful way. To continue. and tell others, your experiences, and be able to share that, with your kids, your husband in the future. This is what I went through and they can look through that. 

So you've really inspired me. But you get better. My news as solution for sure. Related to inspiration. How do you, or what have you found helpful in fighting your fears? 

Jenn: Yeah, I have a lot of fears. I didn't realize that until I was reflecting before this. 

Because when you're people pleasing, you have a fear of failure as an overachiever? Just that fear of not being good enough. Being an adequate. In a lot of ways, I felt like I was an adequate. 

The Bible has always helped me. And prayer. Because you have to read the promises of God, right? When you read it, [00:27:00] you have to read it over and over again. And so that has really helped me fighting my fears. And. When you walk with God, everything is new. 

Whenever I feel like overwhelmed. And fearful. I'm like, okay, God, please reveal it to me. Like , what am I scared of? What are you trying to show me? That really helps too. Cause then I know exactly what to hit in prayer. And when to like partner with the holy spirit. Once I name it, 

I no longer can resist it. Or I no longer Gaslight myself. You know how you're trying to I'm not scared. I'm not scared. Once you say you're scared of something. Things change and you try to figure it out. So that has been helpful. And then also leaning on and confessing my fears to people. 

And that's the hardest part because when you confess your fears, You're allowing someone to truly see you. That far that's for someone who I should go to the fear of rejection. Yes. [00:28:00] That is, it was really scary for me. Because, I'd always feel weird. 

Yeah. Sometimes or you're friends with people, but you're not friends with them like your whole life. 

Yes. But then they still know this piece of information about your life. You get paranoid. 

But because I have. Been able to lean on people. For prayer. Whether it's pastors or friends. That I'm just getting to know has been a game changer. You really need people to cover you. Yes. And prayer, even if you don't know them. Yes. And there's grace in that. 

Ellie: So how are things now? 

I know now that. After I've seen you grow, getting baptized deliverance, going through therapy, we had the same therapist, so it was nice to go through that together. 

How do you feel without those idols anymore or. Are there times where you catch yourself? Oh no. I'm people pleasing. Oh no. I'm starting to overachieve again. How do you handle that now as a believer, as opposed to [00:29:00] before. 

Jenn: Definitely come up still. Because.

I feel like it's not until something's in front of me, that I can actually practice it. To say no to it or to practice boundaries. I worked in a lot of boundary work in therapy. you really have to practice the tools like I used to get set up set with my therapist. Because, here I am like, On a spiritual high. I feel like a prayer. Yeah, like a retreat or like getting a word. And she'd be like, it doesn't work like that. Just go away. So how she explained it to me was, you have to create new neuropathways. 

Because we're physical beings. We're spiritual beings, but we have physical body. . So I try to remember that. So when you have neuro-pathways, you're basically creating new experiences. For your brain to think differently. And when those new experiences come up. Or when I'm able to put myself in other [00:30:00] environments I'm not comfortable in. I'm able to practice. What God is telling me to do.

I feel like it's a test most of the time. But I also feel like you go through all these tests and then finally have a final exam. Where it's okay, God, this is the big one. Yeah. I have a lot of times where that comes up. But now I know to pray. And to listen to myself, 

cause when you've gone through so much abuse, We have issues listening to yourself and. You want to fix things? So little by little. And that's what I've learned. Like with God. There's always going to be. Levels to faith and levels to. Just everything. 

 And levels to tearing down idols. . It's one thing, knowing an idol. For example, with the whole job thing. It was God's plan, for me to go through that. So then it was also his plan to tear down the idol. 

Ellie: So 

Jenn: I [00:31:00] went through a demotion and then. I had to. Stop thinking, what are other people going to think of me? Am I letting people down by demoting myself and taking myself out of this management role. And then I had worked so hard. I was like, oh my gosh. 

And then I had this number of salary in my mind. But I was going to take a pay cut. It was all part of God's plan. Because I had to take myself out of that environment. , you're going to make Egypt, an idol. Have to leave Egypt. So I had to leave my Egypt. 

Yeah. But getting Egypt out of my heart. It was just a series of tests. THat 

Ellie: was really hard. Now you have to unlearn. All those patterns. You worked hard for this whole time.

I can't even imagine what that felt like. 

Jenn: Oh yeah. I was having my tantrums girl. But how has your stress level or your work load now? Oh, everything is so Worthing. Oh, thank you, [00:32:00] Jesus. Everything is so worth it. 

I can't believe that amount of things I put myself through to make other people happy or to make things happen for other people. I'm so much happier. And even though the days aren't perfect. I'm just so much more content. And I actually have time for God. And time for myself. Now because of the shift in my life. And tearing down idols. 

I said like in the beginning I never knew myself. So I really embraced 

Getting to know God. Doing pottery. And during the podcast. Now I'm in Bible classes. I'm volunteering. , my life was just filled with work, and going and doing things that didn't matter. And now I feel like it's filled with things. That are actually fruitful. 

Ellie: Cause you were people pleasing people. You pleased him for a second, but everything out here in the [00:33:00] bay happened so fast. The next day, they're onto the next thing onto the next thing. 

And it's so beautiful to see you just slow down, have time with God, enjoy life, the joy, the beauty he has to offer that he wants us to enjoy. Jobs are going to come and go money comes and go. But having that peace with God. We'll get you through anything. 

Jenn: Yeah. 

Ellie: Mean our whole life. We'll be a series of tests. 

And it's just beautiful how he elevates us. I'm sure. Five years ago, you would've never seen yourself where you're at now. No, I worked so hard for that job. I better stay. 

Jenn: Yeah. And that job I was in was a job. I could have retired it. Even though I was 30. I could have retired in that job. Yeah, it was just something. Where people. In their fifties, sixties worked their way up to you. And I had to reach down at the age of 28. Wow. I was walking away from. A big idol. 

Yeah. That [00:34:00] was, a big idol. Especially being in the bay area. That. Is normalized. Like you don't go see your parents on the weekend. You barely go home for three days during the holiday. Or, Talk to your parents, like when you're in it. You really are a slave. 

Ellie: Yeah. Wow. You were in slavery. 

And now that you're able to spend time with God. Take Bible classes and just get to really, truly build a relationship with him. How has that helped your relationships around you with your family? With friends? I feel like I 

Jenn: knew you were going to go there. When I say. God. Restores. He restores like. There are relationships in my family. And no family is perfect. They all got problems. And generational problems, god has just restored so many of my relationships. And healed [00:35:00] them. 

And even though they weren't completely broken. He still went in and did the work. and it wasn't easy. Like that part was really hard. But I had to surrender and then. With friendships. 

I went through a period of. Confusion with friends. Like when you're shedding the old and coming into the new, so that was a hard period. But. Embracing that. God has brought me. So many friends and connections. And made room in ways that I didn't think was possible. And with that also healed me. Because 

when you put God in front of your relationships and in your life. He's going to connect you with. Each person that's going to heal you and bring you even closer to him. 

 It really just lays out my whole. Life in terms of my routine. MY relationships who I spend my time with. Who I [00:36:00] don't want to spend my time. 

Ellie: Boundaries. But all this while you're being your authentic self. 

Jenn: I'm so glad you brought that up. Thank you. Holy spirit. Because one of the big prayers I prayed on list to be authentic. Because I had always struggled with pretending. Like I remember hearing that word authentic and I'm like, what does that even mean? And it's been a journey. 

But God has answered that prayer. Where. I used to like, if anyone has had anxiety, they understand when you're in a room with people. 

And your head, your mind is bouncing off the walls. But you're literally sitting there nodding your head, going along with everything. But now my mind when I'm around people. Is 

clear. Wow. Before it wasn't. And I remember you had said this here, like when we first interacted. You're like, I feel like you don't want to say. The wrong thing. Do you want to share? 

Ellie: Yeah. I remember when we [00:37:00] first met. , it was in my small group. So luckily it was the day that nobody else showed up. 

It was through zoom. So we had our lone time, which was great. Then we say, start hanging on in person. But I felt for the longest time in the beginning, you had your guard up, you were very careful about what you will say next. And I was like, she's just shy. Just timid. 

Am I coming off too strong? Because I know my personality could be too strong for some people right away. No, it was learning to , take a step back and meet people where they're at. You don't want to say something to offend me. 

You didn't know me. And you do want to say the wrong thing and me not want to hang out with you is something like in that nature. And as now, I don't get offended easily. But , in the beginning, even when I saw you meet new people, you're always very careful with your words, which I wish I could be like that too. 

I think just God has given you this confidence for you to embrace the gifts that you have. He gave you this personality for a reason. And I never hear you say the wrong thing. You're always speaking wisdom in life and to people is man, I wish he was said something a long time [00:38:00] ago. But that's just a part of growing with God. 

We're unlearning things we knew from before, who we thought we were. And now you're able to have small talk. I know that was a big thing for you too. And that's where people can definitely say the wrong thing just to talk, but I think you're still mindful for that 

Jenn: oh, back to the small talk thing. Because I was reflecting on that. To where, when you're in the bay. There's layers right to your personality. And how you're shaped. So being Asian. People are always. Going to be critical of what you say and what you do. So I'm super mindful of that. And then there was another layer. Throughout, being bullied through school. And then being another layer. Relationships. I was supposed to be in. And another layer. The professional setting. And being in the bay, even if you're at a bar. Or like anywhere else. They're like, oh, what do you do? That's your identity? 

Yes. It's your identity. [00:39:00] And. Also being in school, you have your elevator pitch. So there are still many things that just ingrained to me. To always want to say the right thing. Because people are going to judge you. That's such a real thing. Just embrace yourself and who you are in this season. And when you said timidness, that was one of my big prayers. For God and not give us the spirit of fear, but a power 11 is sound mind. 

And another version says he did not give us. He not give us timidness 

yeah. 

Ellie: But we're wonderfully fearfully made. Amen. So I just love seeing you grow. 

And just being obedient. Continuing this podcast. Still being your words, still willing to open up and meet new people. It's just been amazing or a short journey, even though it feels like I've known you a lifetime, but it's only been a few years. 

And this is just a brief. Summary. There's definitely more details, but I'm sure it will. [00:40:00] Learn more about you throughout the podcast. What's one last piece of advice that you would give. Two are others who are battling the same fears as you. 

Jenn: One thing I've always just. Done is pray. These wild prayers. 

And God has answered, like my wildest prayer. So I would say. Don't be timid to pray. Let alone pray. What's truly in your heart. So you want God to show up for? 

Because I think the fear can also show up. In your relationship with God. 

I had to overcome my fear of rejection and failure. And judgment. 

And. I had to find an outlet. Find authentic friendship and community. What that means to me.

There's a lot of thinking. That if I'm praying to God. I want to be authentic, Lord. I have to think. What does authentic mean to me? Where am I struggling with being authentic? So I think. Battling those [00:41:00] fears and asking those questions. Lean into that. And.

Just because you're praying it and you're writing it down. 

Doesn't mean you have to share with everybody. It's okay. Sometimes I have these wild things that I write down. I had to start thinking that all things are possible with God. Philippians. I would definitely say. Trust the Lord. And whatever that looks like in whatever season you're in. Because it's just going to grow from there, but you have to start somewhere. Be real with yourself and what you need, what you like, where you want to go. What God is showing you. I think it's so easy to be timid. In what the Lord is doing in your life. 

Yeah. Like I used to think I was so weird. Or I don't want people to think I'm boasting. And so I would hold back in a lot of ways. I would suggest for anyone that's trying to battle the same fears of rejection and failure. [00:42:00] Is to embrace every part of you. I used to always want to fit in and get along. And not get left out. But. I was so broken. And there was a reason I was broken. Cause I was in the world. 

I didn't allow God in. But the moment I did is when miracles really started happening. No one, I say, Ellie knows, but There's so much God has done in this short timeframe and the things he is delivered me from the gifts that he has given me. The places he has took me. He has literally changed my whole life. 

Yeah. And when I say move states, like I moved from a really nice zip code. In California. 

I left all of that. Yup. And moved to a different state. By myself with no family. But in that. God has showed up so much. What's crazy is I always wanted to move. But I was always so scared. Yeah. God [00:43:00] really does show up when you just give him all of your fears. And I got this word from somebody. And she said, God knows that a lot of people have hurt you in your life. 

Yeah. But he's going to show you to trust him. . And he is a holy God and he is sovereign. Trusting your life. To an all-knowing God is the best thing you can do for yourself. Because he is trustworthy. So 

Ellie: beautiful.

So one who is lonely codependent. Workaholic. Yeah. Now in a state by herself free time to do pottery. To help with the homeless. The story. It's just on paper, you would just read that no one liked that could ever do what you're doing now. But only God. The prince of peace, the Redeemer, the restore. Can help change your perspective if you're willing to let him thank you Jesus for allowing her to be willing because you've inspired me with all your wisdom. Inspiring [00:44:00] others through all your gifts. So what a beautiful testimony to give 

Jenn: I know that this was just like snippet. Of it. But there really is so much God has done in my life. And I think it probably be revealed. Throughout the podcast. Yes. So with that. Ellie. Thank you. And the next series, let's just give 'em. An idea of what's to come. So we do have a whole year of power series. But the next series that I'm working on with Ellie is called. The power of singleness. So Allie will co-host and she's going to invite some guests. 

I'm going to invite some guests. What do you hope the audience looks forward to? 

Ellie: I hope we give them. 

Different insight, different perspective from. Currently single woman. And married women who were single [00:45:00] very long time. To just allow us to embrace the season we're in. Knowing that God is preparing us. And the different outcomes and testimonies of other women, we each have our own story. 

We each have our own journey. That we're going through. And that's the beauty of it that God made us each unique. And we're not going to be the same and know what to expect. So I'm so excited to see how other women handle their seagull. Miss. We're going to share how we're handling our single news. I'm just hoping we can empower each other. And embrace it. 

It's not anything to be ashamed of. Does the season, God wants us to go through. And just to use our time wisely, three. During this waiting period. 

Jenn: I hope. 

Comes out of it is. Like you said there's so much shame associated with singleness. And I actually struggled with. Wanting to do this. Series. Because. There is shame around [00:46:00] it. What I hope people look forward to. Is. The realness. Yes. I think we could gloss around things. There is a reason why. We are in a singleness season. And I've had to embrace that and it hasn't been easy. 

I'm like going around the Bush and I just got to stay at straight out. But. 

I've always put my life on hold for a boy. I've always put my hope. And a boy. There are just so many unhealthy things. In relationship. That I had to unlearn in my singleness. And that's for a lot of people, whether you're old guy. A woman. A single mom. Divorced. 

The enemy can really get you down. So I hope that anyone just feels hope and encouragement. Thank you for tuning in, and we hope that you come back. For the power of singleness series with Ellie and myself

thank you so much for tuning into [00:47:00] Just Know the podcast. We pray that your faith is encouraged today, and if you feel called, please share this episode with a friend. Help the algorithm out, subscribe for updates. Until next time, God bless you.