What I Lost by Waiting to Quit Alcohol (and Why Delaying Sobriety Was the Most Expensive Mistake of My Life)

If you’ve ever wondered whether your drinking is “bad enough” to quit — this episode is for you.

In episode 264 of the Sober Vibes Podcast, Courtney shares what I lost by waiting years to quit alcohol and why delaying sobriety cost more emotionally than she realized at the time.

This conversation speaks directly to women navigating grey area drinking or Sober Curious, those who aren’t hitting rock bottom, but know alcohol and stress are more connected than they’d like to admit.

You don’t have to be falling apart for alcohol to be quietly holding you back.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why waiting for a “worse” problem keeps women stuck
• How alcohol and stress become deeply intertwined over time
• The hidden emotional cost of delaying sobriety
• Why trying to figure out how to drink less often prolongs the cycle
• What actually shifts when you stop waiting and choose clarity
• What life on the other side of alcohol really feels like

This episode is especially powerful if you’re sober curious and constantly Googling how to drink less but still feeling unsatisfied with the results.

Many women stay in this space for years because they’re trying to drink less instead of questioning why alcohol feels necessary in the first place.

Resources & Support Mentioned:

• Sobriety Circle — ongoing support for women exploring alcohol-free living
• Sober Breakthrough Session — personalized guidance from a sobriety coach
• 1:1 Sober Coaching 
• Free tools for navigating the first 30 days without alcohol
• The After-Emotional Sobriety Program

Gain access to my Masterclass when you submit a review on iTunes. Email me sobervibes@gmail.com with a screenshot of the review, and I will send you the code to unlock my Masterclass for free!

Thank you for tuning in!

Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Connect w/ Courtney:
Instagram
Join the Sobriety Circle

Apply for 1:1 Coaching
Order the Sober Vibes Book

Transcript

Welcome And Who This Helps

Courtney Andersen 0:00

Welcome to Sober Vibes, your podcast for alcohol-free lifestyle tips and real talk about long-term sobriety. I'm your host, Courtney Anderson, sober coach, author, and mom. Each week I share strategies, stories, and encouragement to help you navigate cravings, build confidence, and thrive in sobriety. Whether you're sober curious or years in, this is your space to feel supported and inspired. Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes Podcast. I'm your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 264. So this one today is for the sober curious, or if you've been going back and forth, back and forth with alcohol, if you're in the moderation cycle, this is definitely, definitely, definitely for you. Okay. And to, or if you're stuck in that, like, oh, next Monday I'll quit. Maybe next month, maybe as I sit here and record this as 20 February of 2026. Maybe you're like, you know, in 2027, I'll give it up, or I'll wait till dry July or sober October. This is definitely for you. Because this is a great topic, and often I don't hear people. Sometimes this is not spoken enough because you just want to go on like a forward motion. And but really waiting to quit drinking is going to be the most expensive mistake of your life. It was for me for sure. And I'm not talking about financially, I'm talking about emotionally, mentally, right? Spiritually, physically. So, and I don't say this with shame. So remember, in this community, in this podcast, I'm not here. I don't believe on shame-based recovery. I do not believe with overwhelm either. Okay. I do believe that that is all unnecessary. And that's actually the shame and the overwhelm is just going to keep you stuck. But in this particular topic today, I most definitely can say this with clarity and being, as of recording this, 13 years sober. Okay. So before we get started, if you are looking for more help in your sober journey and you want to work with me, please check out. You can apply below for one-on-one sober coaching, or you can look into my sobriety circle, and that is my monthly community. So there

Why Waiting Gets So Expensive

Courtney Andersen 2:26

is support. And as always, just keep on listening to this podcast. Make sure to, if you haven't yet, please write review and subscribe to the show. If you leave a review on Apple Podcast, screenshot me the review and email it to me, and I will give you access to my free workshop. The information is in the show notes below. So let's get on with this podcast today, shall we? All right. I knew before I quit, right? This is the truth. I knew that alcohol wasn't working for me long before I stopped drinking. Okay. I knew at 25 I had to quit drinking. And

Support, Coaching, And Community

Courtney Andersen 3:08

it wasn't until 29, almost 30 years old, that that's when I finally got sober. So from 25 to 29, I did the dance because I still tried to make moderation work, right? I had the anxiety, the fucking hangovers, the, you know, early morning regret, right? The I won't do that again promises to myself, the moderation rules, but I kept waiting, right? And I kept waiting for a better time, right? Like less stress, maybe even to a proof that it wasn't bad enough, okay? Or for someone else to confirm that I had a real problem. Because in my story, yes, I had people along the way telling me, you know, maybe you should drink less, or can't you just control that, right? But when you are in that moderation cycle and you are functioning,

My Four-Year Moderation Loop

Courtney Andersen 4:10

right? And you were doing all the damn things, that's what I was doing. I I still paid my bills. I was functioning, right? I was still going to work. It's just that I was in this cycle. And then it was like, you know, kind of in private that I would have more of these lows. And at the point of me quitting, I at that point was a year and a half into a relationship with now, who is my my husband, my boo, Matthew. We had just started living together in this relationship, and he really was the first person to be like, dude, I, you know, I that somebody that I actually gave a shit about, that he was the first one to be like, we're not gonna, I'm not gonna keep participating in this, you know, because he was on his own personal journey at that time. So for him to have brought that forward and me to have lost my cat at the same time, it was a recipe for the universe to finally be like, all right, girl, it is it is fucking time for you to give up this dance, right? But again, I at this time in those last four years, I wasn't hitting a big, huge rock bottom. Listen, pets go missing all the time. To some people, that wouldn't have been like this huge, huge rock bottom. For me at the end, though, it was that. But prior to this, in those like four years, it it wasn't anything that was super, super, super alarming. I mean, you know, let's be real too. Waking up in a dude's bed prior to this, because I was in relationships

Private Lows And A Turning Point

Courtney Andersen 5:48

in those last four years, but you know, I was thinking to myself, waking up in dude's beds where I didn't know their names, I was like, uh, this is just part of growing up. This is your 20s. This is what happens when you party, right? Even though I felt great shame about that, but I knew for myself that that wasn't the only, this was not just happening to me. Okay. So just keep in mind, everybody, including myself, has their own different version of these big rock bottoms. And sometimes, too, for those rock bottoms, they don't have to be big, they just have to be that that moment where it's like, dude, enough is enough. And that presents itself, how it presents itself in your life. For me at the time, right when I quit, it was like, okay, I lost my rescue cat. Again, I lost her for a second time. Second, second. That means the first time it I did not quit drinking. A second time, then I was like, right. But at that time of me quitting, I was really, I was to the point where it was like I was good and tired. Okay. So what I actually lost, I didn't lose everything so dramatically, right? I lost small things, I lost mornings that could have been clear, right? Energy that could have gone into my life, deeper connection and relationships. I seriously pushed a lot of people away because of my drinking. And I didn't know it at that time, but in my sobriety, I could definitely look back and be like, okay, you know, and I did not have the emotional maturity to handle those relationships. So I pushed opportunities away too, emotional growth, right? Because when I quit drinking, it was like I was still stuck in a mindset of a 19-year-old. So I really stunted my my growth. I lost trust in myself, right? I lost peace because I kept doing the same thing over and over and over again. And then that catches you in that shame cycle where it's like, what is wrong with me? And honest to God, the thing that is wrong with you and what was wrong with me was alcohol. Truly. I mean, there was more, but alcohol at that time kept me doing this loop, right? And then when you get sober, then obviously you work on, okay, why was I drinking in the first place? Why did I turn to this? Why did this become my coping mechanism? What was I hiding? But that's in in due time, all right. So,

The Small Things I Really Lost

Courtney Andersen 8:21

you know, I lost time believing also to that I needed alcohol to cope with stress, and also to how to, I didn't know how to relax without alcohol. I didn't know how to have fun. I did not know how to regulate my nervous system. I at this period of my life, it's like, what is your nervous system? Because this is back to from 2012 to what, 2002 that I started. I was in that relationship with alcohol for for 10 years. And at this point as well, we're not really talking much about nervous system regulation, you know, and what the conversation is now with anxiety and how alcohol just makes it worse for you, putting that into your system, right? I didn't also know how to sit with discomfort without escaping from it because that's all I did for 10 years. And too, prior to that, you know, looking back of escaping, I was a self-sabotager. And looking into that too, it's like I went heavily inward and I took things out on myself of just you know, just with negative talk and like growing up and being a teenager and just myself talk to myself when I was a teenager was awful. I think about that. Think about that right now. How well did you talk to yourself before? I had body image issues from the get. Like, I remember at seven, eight years old thinking I was fat. Isn't that crazy? When you think back and look at yourself of like that little girl and that teenager, like now having a being a mom and the dictator the other day, he was like, I can't do this. He was getting frustrated. And I was like, buddy, you can do it, you know. Like, I just couldn't imagine

Coping, Anxiety, And Nervous System

Courtney Andersen 10:15

just not or him talking so bad about himself, you know what I mean, and thinking that way at these younger ages and and moving forward when he gets older. It's sad. So if you talked bad about yourself or had low self-esteem from the get-go, I honestly I'm sorry. And I say that probably because two, I mean it, one, and two, when you did not have that emotional support at home or your emotional needs were not being met, it's really quite sad how you then take that, then you those beliefs come onto you of like, what is wrong with me? Because these two assholes who birthed me, one who birthed me, two made me, right? Like these two who are my parents are not reinforcing that I'm good enough. They're actually creating the other opposite problem. This conversation, the what I'm about to get into, will be one for another day, but it's just, you know, you guys know if you've been here for a long time, sometimes I just like to go go off into a different direction. But I will I will keep this topic going. So, anyways, when you weren't, if you were not seeing when you were a child what healthy coping looked like, why do you expect to have healthy coping in your adult ears? You shouldn't, you never saw it, right? So now you're taking it out with the relationship you have with alcohol because it's very easy to do, especially with anxiety, mental any type of mental health issues, any type of trauma. You are going to end up drinking to cope, to deal. This is fax, okay? So if you didn't know how to sit with the discomfort without escaping it, it's okay. And this is the time where you can start learning these tools to do so. So I didn't know how to do any of this. And also, too, so I just delayed that process with trying to make something work in my life with alcohol for four years. I try to make it work. And, you know, when you delay this process, you are delay, you're going back to what feels safe for you in them in that moment. And that is feeling safe and using alcohol because that is what you've known for a long time. But long term, it gets expensive because this keeps this is gonna keep chipping away at your soul. And it's gonna get worse and worse and worse as you, especially women who are listening to this, as you get older, because we hit perimenopause, then menopause, like, and that is an outrageous experience. I'm just now starting perimenopause, and I had a hot flash the other day where I was like, Jesus Christ, and it almost gave me a panic attack because I was like, huh, what is happening?

Childhood Beliefs And Self-Talk

Courtney Andersen 13:05

Why am I so hot? So I know I'm just in the beginning of it, and nowadays they are saying perimenopause can start in some women as early as 35. Okay. I'm sorry to the dudes out there, but this is why this is so different. Because women go through these couple different severe hormonal shifts that men will never experience, like women. This is factual. So, and one of them is going through the perimenopause-menopause experience, and that is and alcohol just does not belong there. So, why we wait? Most women don't wait because because they love drinking. This is a fact. Like when people are like, I really love the taste of alcohol. No, you don't. You love the effect, right? And you're waiting because you're afraid life is gonna be boring, you don't want to lose that social identity, you don't want to lose friends. You think that you, you know, you should be able to moderate, like, what is wrong with you? You are this high achiever, you hold shit down at home, but like what the fuck is wrong with you when it comes to this relationship with alcohol? And you're scared that sobriety means forever, and that you don't trust yourself to succeed if you know, you don't trust yourself to succeed, especially to if you're sober curious right now and thinking, what if I'm making this bigger than it is? I'm just going to say this. If it wasn't something, you wouldn't be thinking about it. If you didn't have this emotional dependency on alcohol, right, you wouldn't be sitting here listening to a sobriety podcast. You wouldn't have been on this journey of wherever you started, you know. You you would not be here today. Okay. You would not be following social or sobriety Instagram accounts, right? You would not be listening to quit lit books and privacy. So I get it. I understand this is hard, but again, I'm reminding you of what's this is going to cost you more by waiting than it is by just ripping off of this band aid, okay? And

Why We Wait And What We Fear

Courtney Andersen 15:15

just going with it because alcohol, remember this alcohol wants you to stay suck in the cycle that it's literally designed, it is an extremely highly addictive substance. I want you to understand this right now. You have an addiction to alcohol. Does it look like maybe you then don't have a home because of it? For many of you, it doesn't. But you do have this dependency because a lot of times people are like, well, I'm not physical, I'm not shaking or anything. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you're physically dependent or not. You have an emotional dependency with alcohol. And you need to look at why you have that emotional dependency. And emotional dependency is again going back to social anxiety. You use it as a crutch, you use it as a way to cope at home during the times of you know, the wishing hour with getting kids through homework and dinner, right? Like you use it to relax, you use it to have sex. There's an emotional dependency there, and we all have that. So, what I gained the moment I stopped waiting. So when I finally stopped delaying sobriety, I didn't instantly become confident or calm, like remember this. It took some time, but I gained something like right away, and that was honesty. And from honesty then came the self-trust, clearer thinking, emotional stability, better stress management, right? Stronger relationships. And actually, actually, in time gained that peace, right? And I didn't become less fun. I became more grounded of as of a human being. I didn't lose my personality, I lost the chaos that went along with that cycle. And to me personally, that trade was worth everything. So that is maybe where you should start looking at this instead, because it's very, very easy. And it's those those first couple things that I described. Many women stay in the cycle because they're they're scared. They're scared. And that is a very valid response. They don't know what life is gonna look like. You start future tripping to three years down the road when it's like, dude, we're not in, we're not three years down the road. We're we're here in February of 2026. You're here today listening to this. So let's just start of today, right? Or again, you'll lose your friends, motherhood and sobriety is is one. It's like, how am I gonna, yeah, how am I going to be able to handle these little rug rats, these little dictators, right? What did I just lose? I'm sorry. Social, I just had this at the top of my head. A fearing of

Emotional Dependence Versus “Not That Bad”

Courtney Andersen 18:02

social, if you're gonna, what are you gonna do for fun and for sure coping and motherhood? Those are those are big ones. Or two, when you don't feel good or being tired because that's a huge trigger for women and the alcohol can actually keep them going, or a lot of women don't like to feel good because we haven't felt good for 30 years of our lives with our monthly cycle. Sorry, dudes, but this is the truth. And you want you want to feel better and it pushes you through. Okay. So those are all very common, common fears, and they're valid. But I'm gonna tell you, if you keep in this cycle with alcohol, it's you're only doing more damage. You are only doing more damage. So start looking at it like, hey, dude, what can I gain? Right. So, you know, maybe you were in the stage of like, I'll try next month, I just need to control it better. There's no control in this because that's all an illusion with alcohol. You might be able to control it for a week, a month, a year, but eventually it will get away from you. And maybe you're stuck in that right now where you quit and then you came back to it by slowly moderating, and now you're like, Jesus, what just happened? Because this escalated quickly, right? Maybe to the thoughts like, I don't think I'm bad, right? I'm not here again to scare

What Honesty Gave Me

Courtney Andersen 19:21

you. I'm just here to tell you that waiting, it's going to cost you more. So little by little, it will cost you more. So sobriety isn't a punishment, it's really the access to the life that alcohol keeps delaying. Okay. You will find a freedom, especially when you get off of this moderation cycle. That is the number one thing I can say to you is once you get off this cycle of moderation, because moderation is like being stuck in hell. I'm not kidding. Every woman I have worked with, when they get off of that cycle, I'm like, doesn't it feel good now? And they're like, yeah, like I'm not thinking about this all day long. It is just to be free of that, it is a godsend. Does it take you a little bit to get there? Yes. And when I say take you a little bit to get there, I'm going to tell you it's going to take you about 60 days to not have all consuming thoughts with alcohol. But please remember on how many years you put this addictive substance in your in your system. Okay. So again, if you are needing help in your journey and you are looking for one-on-one coaching, you can apply with the link in the show notes below and or join the sobriety circle. Okay. Cause you do not have to do, you don't have to white knuckle your way through this, right? And my one-on-one coaching is very, very much tailored to you and your personality and your needs. Because a lot of the time, women do not take that in consideration. And when you quit drinking alcohol, you're still trying to go, go, go, go, go, like you were in your active relationship with alcohol. And when you get sober, there's steps that you need

Moderation Is A Mental Prison

Courtney Andersen 21:08

to take to not burn yourself out. All right. I hope this episode helped you today. As always, keep on trucking, and I will see you next week.