You don’t want wine, you want relief: Replace stress drinking with proven sobriety support strategies so quitting drinking finally sticks

If you’ve ever thought, “I need a drink,” what you’re really craving might not be alcohol — it’s relief.

In this episode of the Sober Vibes Podcast, I break down the real reason behind alcohol cravings and why stress drinking becomes such a strong habit when you’re trying to quit drinking.

Instead of relying on willpower, this episode shows you how to replace the need for relief with strategies that actually support your nervous system and help you build a sustainable sober living routine.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• why alcohol cravings are actually a signal for relief
 • how stress drinking becomes your brain’s default coping strategy
 • the 5 most common types of “relief cravings”
 • how to identify what your body actually needs in the moment
 • how to replace alcohol with real, effective support strategies
 • how to reduce cravings without relying on willpower
 • how to build a sober living plan that works in real life

Alcohol cravings are often misunderstood.

They’re not just about wanting a drink; they’re about wanting to feel different.

A Reminder for Your Journey

You don’t want the drink.

You want relief.

And there are better ways to give that to yourself.

Ready for Support? Here Are 3 Ways to Work With Me:
• Stop Starting Over Program
• Sobriety Circle
• 1:1 Sober Coaching 

Gain access to my Masterclass when you submit a review on iTunes. Email me sobervibes@gmail.com with a screenshot of the review, and I will send you the code to unlock my Masterclass for free!

Thank you for tuning in!

Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Connect w/ Courtney:
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Transcript

Welcome And Podcast Updates

Courtney Andersen 0:31

Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 273. That is 273 episodes. Before we get into it today, I've had some people reach out and ask about my sister if Living on the L Edge is going to return. First, Kim's doing great. Kim is all good. Second, yes. My plan is hopefully we can get back to this. But what will happen with Living on the L Edge is that it will be separated into its own show. Just with my sister and I's schedule last year with my dad being sick. There was only so much energy and time or timing that was given out. And then in the last couple months, it has been something else, which I'm sure one day we will talk about on our podcast on the podcast. But that show will definitely branch out into other stuff, just not all about sisters and sobriety and recovery. So Kim's good, living on the L edge will hopefully make a return, if not in the summer, in the fall time. Okay. So it will it will be back up and running. It's just all about timing and scheduling and energy out. Because when we do do the podcast, and I have to say for myself, I like to show up for the podcast with energy. Same thing with my sister. And when you want to talk, you want to talk. I never want to show up on this and be just not have the energy behind it. I did that in my pregnancy, and it was very hard to talk some days. I'm not gonna lie. That's what I wanted to say to you today. Okay. All right. The second thing I'm gonna say too is that text me option I've had on the podcast, as much as I love it. I've been having a lot of people text lately. I cannot respond. So if you want to reach out to the show, I'm gonna be switching it up and I'm just gonna put my email on there and it's sobervives at gmail.com. That way, if you want to send an email, you are more than welcome to. And then I can respond to you. Because again, that that text option, as though

Switching From Texts To Email

Courtney Andersen 2:40

it's great, I cannot respond back. All right, let's get into it today. So if you have ever thought I need a drink, I deserve this, I just want to relax. This episode is definitely for you because this is the truth, right? You don't actually want the wine. I'm being serious, it's not about the wine. Remember when James Kennedy was like, it's not about the pasta. That's it's not about the wine. And if you're like, who is James Kennedy? He used to be on Banner Pump Roll. And what it really does come down to, it's you want the relief. Because I'm telling you, as you press play on this show, at whatever point you are in your sober journey, you are you are actually to the point of you're disgusted with alcohol. It really does not, it's like you're like, I don't want this, I don't want this, and then you end up drinking, and it really becomes about the relief. So in today's episode, we are going to break down, I'm gonna break down what cravings are really or what they are, and asking for the five types of relief of cravings, okay, and how to meet these needs without alcohol. So bear with me with this because this is gonna be a good

Why You Think You Need Wine

Courtney Andersen 3:55

one. So cravings are not just random. Cravings are not about alcohol itself. Cravings equals your brain is asking for relief, okay. Also, to remind you how addictive alcohol is. It is a toxic addictive substance you are putting into your body 10, 15, 20 years. Okay. And what has happened in the relationship with alcohol is that it's become your fastest, most practiced, most familiar shortcut to go to when it comes to when you feel something, right? When you feel something uncomfortable, you drink. And the goal isn't to remove cravings right now, the goal is to understand and redirect them because it's gonna take some time before those cravings eventually are not uh. I said this to a 101 client the other day. I'm like, I will tell you, even at 13 years, there the summer, the weather's gonna turn. I said, and you know what I will still think about is margarita. Because we were talking about this of how like alcohol, you're never really gonna be disgusted with alcohol itself. You get you become disgusted with with who you are in your actions after an evening with alcohol, okay? Because our brain's always gonna be like, no, no, no, alcohol's good. And in reality, think about the first time that you ever drink alcohol. It's disgusting. Alcohol is disgusting, but we have associated now to be like, oh, it's good. People who drink wine, it's like, how am I ever gonna eat steak again or a piece of fish without pairing it with a wine? That's how that's how brainwashed we have become with alcohol. And I all of that stuff is good without booze. Okay. Now, there's only a couple things that are really with alcohol that are like a couple drinks that are good for me. That will always be a margarita and a dirty martini. Okay, those will always taste good to me. Wine, not so much. When I got disgusted with wine, is when I went back to bartending and I had to open up a bottle of wine for the first time and I was like, this smells awful. Think about the the first time you like took a shot of vodka. Okay. So, yes, there are going to still be some drinks, even years into it, where you're like, oh, that really is good. So think of me in the summertime when it comes to June. I will, for a split moment, be like, Oh, margarita sounds nice. Can I make one of a virgin one? Absolutely. But it's still just that association with the weather time. Okay. This is what I'm talking about of going back to. You really do need to be disgusted more with your actions and when with you in alcohol, because it's gonna take you some time to actually get to the point of where you are disgusted with alcohol in general, and then you will get disgusted with the alcohol energy or the industry. So, again, going back, let's talk about the five types of relief cravings. Okay, so most cravings fall into five categories. Number one, stress, the long day, mental overload, decision fatigue, right?

Cravings Are A Call For Relief

Courtney Andersen 7:10

That sounds like I need to unwind. Two, loneliness, a quiet house, disconnection, feeling unseen. The thought sounds like this. I just want to feel something, or I don't want to feel this. Number three, resentment, carrying frustration, feeling unappreciative, right? Irritation building up. The thought sounds like I deserve this. Number four, overwhelm. Too much to do, emotional overload, nervous system maxed out. And the thought sounds like this: I can't deal with this. It's too much. Number five, the reward. End of the day, celebration, habitual treat. The thought sounds like this is my time. Okay. Each craving has a different need. And this is so true. Each craving has a different need. As I just listed all of that off, because I'm sure you're thinking into my head, like you're thinking right now, and I was like, possibly even shaking your head, like, Jesus, is this woman in my brain? And the answer is yes. And because I get this, and I did this for myself too. And that's where you really truly have to understand like your your triggers. Because with these cravings of what I just explained on the emotional backside of this, these are like triggers. And going back to the nervous system overload, majority of people in 2026, their nervous systems are taxed out. You go on Instagram and you're gonna see something of world events, and your nervous system is gonna be taxed out. Your nervous system becomes taxed out the moment you pick up that screen, that phone in the morning time and start opening up the emails, and you're doing that all before you even get out of bed. So nowadays, with that nervous system being taxed out, there's a lot more that goes into that than what the world looked like 10 years ago. So again, each craving has a different need, and you have to figure out what that is. And each one of them needs a different solution, right? So this is like your replacement relief menu. This is really where a sobriety actually starts to stick. Okay. You don't just remove alcohol, and this is where you have to start replacing the relief, right? So for stress, I want you to, and please go back and to listen to this when you need to. Okay. So for stress, I want you to walk outside, shower a reset. The shower one, I just the same conversation I was having with this client, the shower one. And for anybody who is an empath, that shower, if you whether you do it in when you get home or before bed, that shower is really good for an empath because you almost use a use it in a way of like you are washing away other people's energy, especially too when you work around a bunch of people, okay, and you are particularly prone to other people's energies because there's energies that will find you that you didn't even ask for. And this is something too I would do after my bartending days, and then this is something that I started doing of showering at night when I became a mom, because it was just so fucking relaxing to get in that shower. And Matt would be home, and then I could get into that shower and not there would be showers of 30 minutes, and I would just sit in there. And if you were a mom, you understand these types of showers where you're just like it's almost like you disassociate in the shower. It's funny. But sorry, this is gonna make me giggle. So you can totally disassociate in a shower and just like shampoo your hair hair like twice, okay? But it feels good and it just it's like calms you down and it gets the energy of or the energy of the day off of you and other people's energies, okay. Also, chew during the time with the the stress kind of reset. You change your environments. If your home is like stressing you out during that craving, get leave it, even if that's just going to drive around and listen to some music, okay? But the number one that will help you is if you move your body and get that energy out, okay? So that one is really good for the stress for loneliness. Text or call somebody, put on a podcast, press play on this again. Or sa or music, right? Get around people, even if it's just casually, and even if that's just I'm gonna go get a coffee, okay? Or I'm gonna go to a restaurant and sit, or I'm gonna go watch a movie, a restaurant and sit, a restaurant and sit and eat, or you're gonna go watch a movie, and then you're like out and about, because sometimes sitting at home in that environment where you feel lonely as well, it's just going to get add into the loneliness. But like changing your environment is huge. If you've ever noticed that, if you've ever had a fight with your spouse, and then you guys end up going somewhere like after that fight of just getting out of that environment, which is usually the house, it's totally a night and day difference. Okay. I know I'm using the spouses', but it's just a specific one of like when you get out of that environment and get it out of the

The Five Craving Categories

Courtney Andersen 12:35

home, because it's sometimes your home carries the same energy, and that's what I'm saying with that loneliness. There was a great, great episode I did about feng shui in your home for yourself and sobriety. I believe it was in the previous season, season seven. So if you're looking for that to get your home a little bit of upgrade when it comes to feng shui, listen to that one. That one is really good. For resentments and even too for the loneliness, even if that is you looking up if going to a 12-step meeting, okay, an in-person meeting, that is great because then you're around people too who who you have a community and that you don't feel alone, or even looking up sober groups, in-person sober groups in your area. That way you can connect with people, okay. But usually to talking with somebody, calling them, calling a friend, calling a sister, calling that one person, and just asking them about them and having connecting in that way is a good one as well. So for resentments, resentments will be ones that will take a little bit more time to let it go. And usually you have to revisit a resentment more than once. Okay. But remember too, resentments will keep you drinking if you don't work with them and get help for them. So, you know, again, you can always vent. Get if you need to call a friend where you have that safe space that you can vent to, you can journal about it. Journaling, I would recommend before venting to a friend and just writing it out. And I don't care if you have to write it out a million and one times. Even two for resentments. If you are currently with seeing a therapist, it is okay to keep bringing this up. I've worked with a bunch of women, clearly. I've worked with a bunch of women who do seek therapists, and then they end up telling me they're like, I don't know, I feel bad talking about my this with my therapist again. And I was like, why? And this is what I want to tell you. Why do you feel bad? You are paying that person to sit there and talk. So if there is something that you are stuck on and you need to hash it out a couple times, please do. That's what that space is there for. So don't ever feel bad for it. I'm currently in therapy right now for working through my daddy issues. And this is what we've talked about. I don't even care. I'm gonna take keep talking about it until I get through what I need to get through of what I just went through. So don't ever feel bad if you're talking to a professional about something that you are stuck on, and sometimes talking about it more than once will help. So, like journaling and out and writing out your feelings are going to help. Again, for resentments, because it's usually energy as what you will be stored of energy in your body if you have not yet read the body keep score. I will link the book in the show notes. And definitely move your body again. Walking is perfect, okay? And when you're moving your body as well, even if you don't do walking, yoga would be good for this too, because it's more of a slower pace, and you can really work that out because you have to get into as well with in the body keep score. It's somatic exercises are good, but that's what's good for yoga because you're stretching and releasing all of this. So it's energetically, it's not taking up space in your body. Okay. And then also to for resentments, pause, just pause and and reflect on this instead of reacting. And when you take the pause, because even too with these types of cravings, each category I'm listening in, it is really easy to, with resentments in particular, to just say, fuck it, fuck you. Okay. I'm gonna show you what's up. And then because you're acting out towards somebody else, you're actually hurting yourself more because that's what you've also been doing for a long time. So take the pause,

Stress And Loneliness Relief Tools

Courtney Andersen 16:45

breathe through it. And again, if you're mad at your, if you're mad at somebody, if you're mad at your dad, you're mad at your partner, you know, you're you're mad at your mother, whoever it may be, stop just taking it out on yourself to stop. Okay. So take the pause for overwhelm. Again, another one. You need to take the pause and you need to just do one small task. Write it out. I just had this conversation with my good gal pal because she was overwhelmed about a bunch of stuff. And even when she told me, I was like, holy shit, that overwhelms me. But I'm like, but what are your like top three things that you will need to do here within the next 24 to 48 hours? I said, because now you're just you're looking at a hole that some of this stuff you're talking about. I know you that's like for the summertime. This is not immediate action you need to take. And she's oh, you're right. And I was like, Yeah, so do one small task. And even if that is you need to start writing things out, but just be realistic with writing one to three things down on your list of what today you can accomplish. It's gonna, it is going to help you big time because when you start looking at the overwhelm of it, it's going to bring you down. Same thing. Like when you're like, oh, I need to quit drinking for a year. I need to make it to a year sober. No, you don't. No, you don't. You know what you need to do? You need to make today, you need to make it through today. So stop giving yourself deadlines of like these this time frames because when you start thinking about a year, what happens? You start spiraling and going down that relevant home and is like, why can't I get to a year after you and you've completed two days of sobriety? You're thinking way too far in advance when you just need to be thinking, especially in these early days, of one day at a time. Also, two with this deep breathing, that one helps a lot. Look up box breathing on YouTube, start breath work. When you start doing breath work, I'm not talking about windhuff, but if that is your thing, by all means, go for it. But very basic. Because I do think that that type of breathing is more, a little bit more extreme if you've never done breath work before. But that box breathing, the square breathing is very, very helpful. And then also too with overwhelm, you're need to lower your expectations for the night. Like honestly, you have to. And that goes back to taking it one day at a time, honestly, and just living in the present of what you can control now. And say this, you guys know my favorite affirmation. If you've been here for a while, I'm exactly where I need to be right now. I'm exactly where I need to be right now. Okay. It even if you're thinking of this, of like where the thoughts are, where you get super overwhelmed of like, why didn't I quit this five years ago when I had a period of sobriety? Because you weren't, you didn't learn your lesson five years ago. And that's what it comes down to. It's like it comes down to being able to get disgusted with yourself and get disgusted with alcohol and having the right time or the right tools and support and learning from whatever slip that you had made. Again, when I knew at 25 and that inner voice told me I needed to quit drinking, I didn't say I needed to quit drinking at 25. I said for myself, I know in the future I'm gonna need to quit drinking. I just want to paint the story. And then from 25 to 29, I tried to make it work. And I knew those four years of looking back at it and reflecting past this over the years, it's like I needed to go through those four years to get to the point of losing my cat for a second time to be like, okay, I'm good and tired. I needed those extra four years of getting to the point of being good and tired and never wanting to go back to drinking ever again. Okay. So again, just lower your expectations, especially on yourself. Lower your expectations on yourself of you do not need to perform and overachieve. And like I am a human being having a human experience right now, and I'm quitting alcohol and I am experiencing post-acute withdrawal syndrome, and this shit is hard. So if all I do today is brush my teeth and breathe and get my kid fed, hallelujah. And that's what I'm gonna do. That is what I'm gonna do. You guys, this was me yesterday because I was in a I was in a I was in my emotions yesterday and I just did the the bare bare minimum of life yesterday. And as soon as my husband got home, I'm like, see you later, goodbye. I punted the dictator at him. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But I was like, see you later, goodbye. And I went upstairs and I

Resentment And Overwhelm Game Plans

Courtney Andersen 21:55

read because I I was at my limit yesterday and there was no No, there was no, I did not get up, I did not to myself be like, I need to overperform more, I need to overachie. I understood with where I was at and and lowered the expectations of myself for the emotions I was going through. Okay. So no realize that because a lot of people like to say, and I should be further along, or this shouldn't be that hard, but it is. Okay. So lower your expectations on your high achieving self. Okay. Sit your ass down for a little bit and be okay with that. So for the reward, you can go to a non-alcoholic drink, you can watch your favorite show, you can choose a dessert or a snack. Feel free to buy yourself some new jammies, right? You need to create a new end-of-day ritual. And that really does help for that reward system. Again, you're not then going to become obsessed with sugar. Just if you start, if you're like, why am I eating all of these chocolates? Like it just trust the process and let your body level out. But definitely create yourself like a little reward. You can even put the shower, like, oh man, that shower is going to feel good, or some extra self-care, or like your book, or whatever Bravo show you're currently watching. We are going to have to talk about Summer House one day to the Bravo fans out there. So create this new reward. Whatever it feels good for you, that's going to be your reward for when those triggers come up of oh, I deserve this, especially the end of the day and those Friday nights. Like I worked really hard. It's Friday. This is what I should be doing. Because you're you have to change it up. And you have to focus on something else, especially when it becomes that reward. That's why I'm like, go buy yourself something. You're not gonna end up with a shopping problem, but go treat yourself to something, if that's on a Friday night or on your milestones for your your silver birthday. Okay. So just know like the relief to it's gotta feel real for yourself and immediate, right? So that's what I'm saying with the walking, having your rewards planned ahead of time. If that's also true of you going and journaling or again, a shower, a bath, whatever it is. So it doesn't have to be perfect without how that looks like. You it's just gotta be better than than drinking alcohol, okay? So we're not going for perfect, we're just going for not drinking alcohol, alrighty. So how to meet the need, right? Without numbing, because this is gonna be, I know some of you are probably asking that. So alcohol doesn't actually solve the the problem, it doesn't solve it, it just delays it, and then it delays it, and then you have the whole next day of the shame and guilt cycle. So when you meet the need directly, whatever that need is, right? Stress gets released, emotions move, your nervous system resets. And this is how you start reducing alcohol cravings and you start building self-trust and creating a sober lifestyle that feels better, right? And you need to ask yourself in the moment, what do I actually need right now? That's what you have to ask yourself. Not should I drink, but what would help me feel better? And I know you're probably thinking, well, alcohol is gonna make me feel better, Courtney. Well, correct. In a very, very for a very, very short period of time. And that's where your brain has gone for the past 10, 20, 30 years. And that's always going to be the answer for you until it's not, and you start using game plans like this, right? So what would help me feel better? And for some of you, that is just eating a snack and being hydrated or crushing a Coca-Cola classic or going for a walk or journaling or taking that shower. Like there's so many more options, and that's where you have to start being like, alcohol is no longer the option for me because I'm disgusted too. I am disgusted of where I go after a night of drinking. So why does this change everything? So when you start to understand your cravings, they start to lose their power. Yes, they're still gonna be there, right? You're still there's still gonna be days where you're gonna be in a in a heavy craving, but they start to lose their power because you're gaining another day alcohol-free where you're not continuing to put alcohol into your system. The more you go back and forth with alcohol, the more you're gonna want it. But when you start to eliminate that process, you will be surprised within a couple months period where you're like, okay, these cravings aren't there as much as they once used to be. And so again, they start losing their power, they feel less urgent, right? You they feel more manageable because now you have options of what you should do instead and understand

Make Cravings Lose Their Power

Courtney Andersen 27:15

why why you were having these cravings. So then you start, you stop fighting yourself, judging yourself, thinking you're the problem, because you are not the problem. You are not the problem. You are only the problem when you keep choosing alcohol, right? But when you start doing this, I swear, you will not be the problem anymore. And and alcohol isn't gonna have that power in your life as it once did, right? So then you start responding, you start responding instead of acting on these cravings and supporting yourself and building the system that works for your sobriety. I cannot say it enough. What works for you is not gonna work for another person. What works for you if you are on medication for cravings, somebody else, that's not gonna work for them. It's like that's where you have to stay in your lane on this and figure out what works for you. Okay. So I hope this helped. I hope it under I hope it helped you understand these emotions and behind cravings and why you are triggered, and then also to picking something to help you with these cravings and keep trucking forward because that's what I'm here for. All right, good people of the world, and as always, if you are looking for more help in your sobriety journey, there are three ways you can work with me. I have my new program, the stop starting over. I have, and that is a self-guided program. I really condense my one-on-one coaching into that. It's videos, there's a workbook in it, it's great. And also, two, I have if you are a person looking for community, I have my sobriety circle. And then if you are looking for more one-on-one coaching, I do have that. So you can check that out in the show notes below. If you haven't yet, please write review and subscribe to the show. If you leave a review on Apple, screenshot it to me, email it, sobervives at gmail.com, and I will give you access to my free workshop. That's a banger. All right, good people of the world.

Coaching Options And Closing Ask

Courtney Andersen 29:25

As always, keep on trucking. And I hope this episode helped you today.