Slipping into emotional drinking because you can’t shut off your brain Stop stress drinking, manage alcohol cravings, and build sober living habits that help you unwind

Emotional Drinking at Night? How to Stop Stress Drinking and Manage Alcohol Cravings Without Wine

If your brain won’t shut off at night and you find yourself reaching for a drink just to relax, you’re not alone.

For many high-achieving women, emotional drinking becomes the fastest way to unwind after a long day of being “on.” But what feels like relief is often just a temporary shutdown, one that makes alcohol cravings stronger and sober living harder the next day.

In this episode of the Sober Vibes Podcast, I break down why stress drinking happens, why rest can feel uncomfortable, and how to build a simple off-switch routine so quitting drinking actually feels doable.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• why emotional drinking is often about needing relief, not alcohol
 • how the pressure-to-performance loop drives stress drinking
 • why your brain struggles to shut off at night
 • why rest can feel unsafe when you’re used to being “on”
 • how alcohol cravings are tied to nervous system overload
 • how to create an “off-switch” routine that actually helps you unwind
 • simple ways to reduce stress without relying on alcohol
 • how to build sober living habits that feel sustainable

If this is something you’ve been struggling with, this episode will help you understand what’s actually happening and give you a simple way to start changing it tonight.

Ready for Support? Here Are 3 Ways to Work With Me:
• Stop Starting Over Program
• Sobriety Circle
• 1:1 Sober Coaching 

Gain access to my Masterclass when you submit a review on iTunes. Email me sobervibes@gmail.com with a screenshot of the review, and I will send you the code to unlock my Masterclass for free!

Thank you for tuning in!

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Transcript

Welcome Back And What’s Ahead

Courtney Andersen 0:31

Hey, welcome back to the Silver Vives Podcast. I'm your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson. And if you are new here, welcome, welcome. And if you are a OG, a good person of the world who's been listening to you since the beginning, thank you for being here. This is episode 273 last week. I believe I said that was episode 273, and that was episode 272. Okay, I just want to clarify that. For all the people who pay attention and you might be like, wait, bitch, you said it was 273 last week. That's my perfectionist mode going on right now. So, anyways, we've got a great episode today. Let's get into it. If

Why Alcohol Feels Like Relief

Courtney Andersen 1:12

your brain doesn't turn off at night, where you're just thinking, thinking, thinking, if you feel like you're on all day, which all of us are, right? And the only time you feel like you can actually relax is with the drink. This episode is for you because today we are diving into emotional drinking, specifically stress drinking and why alcohol feels like the only off switch for this, right? When your mind does not want to slow down, it's okay, let's go to drinking. And a lot of us for many, many reasons, but for the co for the coping and to shut it all down, that's the only thing that truly does and oh it in this cycle of where you are at, that's where you like that. You think because we are so programmed into that active relationship with alcohol and what we believe is to be true, is that's the only way that you are going to shut that down in your head, right? But specifically, I want you to hear about this and the truth behind it. You're not drinking again because of your lack of discipline. I I've been like, I've been feeling like I need to say that a lot more lately because so many people are like, I'm not disciplined enough or not motivated enough. And that's not what this is about. You're drinking because it's the fastest way your brain has learned to shut off the responsibility mode, especially if you are a high achiever. Okay. High achievers are something special. And you are used to showing up, solving problems, being reliable, right? Carrying a lot of the weight. So when the day ends, your brain doesn't really just turn that off. And I have to say this, okay, for all women, but especially to for mothers. And this is something I have learned in the past four and a half years, where it's holy shit. After you have a kid, your brain chemistry changes big time. And then it's like it's you go into your mama bear. And with a child specifically, and like I said, I did not know until I had a kid of what then that constant worry and thinking about your child. And it like really only shuts off when you're sleeping at this end of the game, right? But it's just like taking care of a human being is very rewarding, and it is the best job I will ever have in my life, but it is a lot, it is a lot, and as I have talked with many women of different ages of children, that worry never believes you, no matter even if they're at the out of the house. Just know that just know that your brain keeps thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking all day long. So I understand why you would use alcohol to to turn it off. And that's what so many of us end up doing is just like turning off the noise because we don't want to think and make any more decisions of the GD day. You're over it. I get it. I I get it. It's just it's an exhaustion fatigue. I get why too, some people just wear the same outfit, like pick different the same color shirt and jeans, and it's like that is one less decision fatigue. And so nowadays there's just so many decisions you have to make as a day, and so many responsibilities, especially for us women, that are put on to us and asked of us, and sometimes not even asked of us, just put on us, right? So, really, alcohol becomes that shortcut for you to turn off that noise.

The Pressure To Performance Loop

Courtney Andersen 5:16

So there is this pressure to performance loop. And I want to break this down for you, okay? You wake up, you're already thinking. As soon as you wake up, you're already thinking, right? You move through your day, you're managing, you're managing everything, you're managing your day. You stay on, right? You're focused, productive, responsible, and you don't fully decompress within that. So by evening, your brain is on overload, right? And then what happens is the alcohol cravings hit, right? Not because necessarily you want to, but also to remember the pattern that you have been in and putting the substance in your body every day at that specific time. So there is that addiction coming into place here. But sometimes too, if you've been in the pattern of okay, I'm not gonna drink today, you do have to get out of that pattern of detoxing that from your system. Okay. But it's not necessarily some days where it's I want alcohol. It's because you want the relief from being on all day. And for people who are in past, highly sensitive people, right? If you are in a job where you are listening to people's emotions, where you are listening to people all day, or even to if you have to manage people and taking on their energy all day long and their BS all day long, this is where this feels very rewarding. Okay. You're on all day, and that goes into the energy that you are putting out. So that's the loop, though, going back to this loop. It's pressure to performance, to no release, to overwhelm, to drink. And if you don't interrupt that cycle, it's going to repeat daily. Why am a big fan of always suggesting that in energy out? You have to put that, you have to put energy back into you and fill your cup. A lot of people who end up having a really hard time quitting drinking is because they are not adjusting their lifestyle to a person living alcohol-free, especially two in those first couple months, that first year, of really diving deep into okay, I have to do, I have to change this around, right? I have to figure out what my new self-care is going to be and look forward to that on a daily basis. Or I have to start decompressing a little better coming home from work before I get back into parenthood. Do I need to get up before my children to fill into me first? Do I need to start saying no to extra social situations or extra things to put on my calendar because I can't emotionally and physically take that on anymore? It's too much. So a lot of people don't adjust to that. And that's why it's so easy to go back to drinking because you are not changing the input-output type of situation of protecting your energy. I'm serious because this is what happens and this is what helps your. I'm gonna try not to swear so much. I'm still working on that. This is what happens when you don't start when you don't with the emotional regulation with your nervous system regulation. Okay. You really do have to do that, or two, you're like taxing yourself out because you're lost in a doom scroll, and then you feel, and then that drains you. So you really do have to work with who you are as a person. And same thing with introvert, outrovert, like extrovert, like you have to work with this stuff. And a lot of people fight that, and they don't want to work with it because they're like, I shouldn't have to change. And it's listen, if there is one thing, there's a couple different instances in your life where it really does change your lifestyle and where you have to take on a new identity and sobriety living alcohol-free is one of them. It truly is. So you can't have it. You you can't keep going at the rate that you were going in your active relationship with alcohol into your sober life. You you just can't. It is damn near impossible. Could you rebuild to something new where it's a little bit similar? Yes, absolutely. Within time, but even to when you get to that point, you might not even want to be there. Like you, you might be like, Oh god, this is like exhausting. This is not in alignment of who I am now. I can't take this on. I cannot take this on.

When Rest Feels Unsafe

Courtney Andersen 9:57

So in this next part, I'm talking about rest and why it feels unsafe. Okay. This part surprises people a lot. A lot of high-functioning women don't struggle with work. They struggle with rest, okay? Because rest can actually feel like being unproductive, losing control, right? Falling behind. We hate to fall behind because then that creates overwhelm, or even just feeling uncomfortable. So in rest instead of resting, you scroll, you stay busy, you enroll the kids into a hundred different sports, right? You keep thinking, you keep thinking, or you drink. And alcohol feels like the rest because it's forces your brain to slow down, but it's not real rest. It's a shutdown and it's a temporary, temporary solution to this problem. But that solution that only helps you for about an hour to two causes more chaos from the fallout than actually of what it's supposed to be doing. Okay. And then that's why you wake up the next day, too, you're feeling anxious, right? Like you feel super anxious, and then that shame spiral goes. I'm gonna say this too about the high achiever with the performance.

How Conditioning Fuels Overfunctioning

Courtney Andersen 11:18

You were most likely conditioned to be that way. Okay. And that conditioning came from two people, whoever raised you. Okay. So your mom and dad. And usually with the high performer and going into that high performer, because a lot of high performers are also good girls, right? Where it was like you felt worthy when you performed, you got praised. When you weren't doing anything, you were then not praised. A lot of people come from a generation who it was like, what are you talking about? Rust, like where rust was looked upon like you were lazy or something was wrong with you. Now, this day and age, it is you have to shut it down again a little bit. Whatever rest looks like for you. Sometimes for people, it is napping. Sometimes for people, it is going to get a massage on a weekly basis. For some people, it is doing the red light mask every day after work. For some people, now it's reading, like whatever that rest is that it's also filling your cup. If you cannot sit down and watch an hour show, that is that is an issue of what is going on with you. And even too, it's okay. Some people might be like, I have AD, eight, ADHD, right? And it's okay. Let's figure that out because you have to at least be able to sit down. But I'm gonna tell you, a lot of this does go back to your childhood and how you were conditioned to please people and to please your parents, or you came from a group of siblings where you didn't you wanted that attention because you never got attention because the other sibling got it attention, X, Y, and Z. Truly. And that goes to was there a child, was there a sibling in the household who had special needs? Was there a sibling in the household who was the troublemaker? So you just learned to shimmy in the shadows and not make, or you came from two people who maybe one was an alcoholic and one had mental health issues. So you learned not to rock the boat. And the only time you got that praise was by performing and people pleasing and saying yes, yes, yes, yes. And you carry that into your adult years. And then in your adult years, what happens is then you start sabotaging yourself because you are pushed to an edge where it feels better for you to hurt yourself than to other people because you don't want to do that because you are a good person. It's a mess, you guys. It is a mess. And I will tell you what, uh, as of late, because I was conditioned into being the good girl of the family and the one to go along to get along, right? And after my dad passed away, and what transpired of that, again, I will still do an episode on that. I just want to get to the place where, you know, I'm not spitting venom. But I think it's important to share because I know that more people go through that than they probably go through a very healthy passing with a parent. But I have to say, like that good girl conditioning, I was so backed into a wall that I am just at the point where it's eff it. I don't, it's not that I don't care, but it's like I'm not gonna continue to carry any of those patterns going forward. Maybe that's too because I'm 43 years old and I just hit perimenopause and and it's starting. The change is starting. It is something to be said of when you get into your 40s and the shit that you don't put up with, and more changes that you need to make inside yourself where you're no longer taken advantage. Because that's the thing, too, with the high achievers. And there's a lot, every person I have met with a drinking issue is a high achiever. And they are the most intelligent people I have ever met in my life. So it does not surprise me, and why I wanted to do this episode is that you're looking for a way to shut your brain off. Okay.

Do You Need A Drink Or Come Down

Courtney Andersen 15:31

So what you actually need, it's not wine, but this is actually what you need. Let's reframe this, right? When you feel like you need a drink at night, ask yourself this. Do I need alcohol or do I need to come down? Right? Do I need to shut my brain off? Because those are two very different things. What your body is actually needs is, and this is the thing about sobriety, is you start listening to what your body needs more of. And after, you know, about 90 days, I will say that that go-to default is not alcohol anymore. It is okay, like I'm gonna listen to my body because I have the clarity in what does my body need? So does your body need, your body actually needs like a transition, right? A release. And it that's why I said with the transition of work to family life, a lot of people only have it in their car, and that's not enough because post post-work traffic, it's hell. Like commuting, commuting is a lot, especially in traffic, it can be stressful depending on where you live. A healthy transition too would be like, okay, I'm gonna go to like the gym, blow off some, blow up the steam, and then go home. And I had my decompression. So think of the transition, and it's like that decompression, right? A release, you need a release, right? The reset, the permission to stop performing. And right now, okay, alcohol is the only tool doing that. So we need to replace it, and that's where you have to figure out what you're going to replace it

Build Your Off Switch Routine

Courtney Andersen 17:06

with. So you have to start building that off switch routine, right? So instead of waiting until you're completely overwhelmed and maxed out and taxed out and stressed to the max, right? You build an intentional off switch. A routine that actually tells your brain, we're done for today. Your off switch might look like changing clothes when you get home for after work, going to the gym. Like I said, stepping outside for five to ten minutes and doing some breath work outside, putting go touch grass, right? Taking a shower to reset your body, taking a bath to reset your body. This is great too for the impasse and highly sensitive people. And if you deal with the gin pop on a day-to-day basis of getting their energy off of you because you could be at work and somebody could be trauma dumping to you, and you're like, dude, I was just trying to fill out my coffee cup. I didn't ask for this to be brought to my doorstep. I was just trying to get a cup of coffee at 9 a.m. Because you don't, because some people don't have that awareness, right? So that shower reset at the end of the night is really good. Putting your phone down, starting to have more, starting to have like windows of times, and having to uh go to your non-alcoholic drink, whatever that is, maybe playing music or listening to a podcast, dimming the lights, lighting the candle, and shifting your environment for that time period, right? So your brain needs that signal, right? And that signal is you creating that, and that signal is not now alcohol. Okay. So you're replacing that signal that once was alcohol, and this goes back to what I talk about of like the habit, the new routine. So you're replacing it with something that calms your nervous system at that end of the day, at the I want to shut my brain down, the lower stimulation. And that's why more and more, too, in the last four months of like why I have dug so deep into fiction books, as I told you a couple a couple episodes ago, of I'm in my romance smut era, but like I don't when I'm reading, I'm not then thinking, I'm not thinking about all things. And I I had to switch from personal development. I had to start switching from personal development a couple years ago, but like now I only do a personal development book like one a month, and that is in the morning time. And because I just I I I cannot keep taking on ways to overachieve, like at some point you have to start implementing those, and like those personal development books are very great, and they helped me huge. And I owe a lot of my sobriety and recovery to personal development because that was a game changer. But after a certain point, it's like you have to implement that. Same thing for this. When it comes to the quitting drinking road, you have to start implementing these things, and that is why you have to take the pause, and maybe you have to hear something like this a couple different ways for it to click into your head to be like, okay, but so for me at the end of the night, it's like after I put the dictator down, I light myself a candle or an incense, I just put on my my bedside lamp, I then put my phone. My phone now goes away about eight o'clock, I would say, and I put that on airplay mode, and then I just get into my cocoon. Okay. So I I'm gonna ride this out for a very long time because it feels good, and this is something I look forward to. That's why I want you to pick a routine that it's something that you look forward to and that works with your schedule. But the low stimulation is huge, especially nowadays in 2026.

Making Sobriety Sustainable Plus Closing

Courtney Andersen 21:12

So, how this helps you stop stress drinking when you build these routines, okay? So alcohol cravings decrease, decrease, and your brain starts to uh to actually start associating evenings with actual rest, right? You don't feel like you need a drink to unwind, you wake up clearer, calmer, and more in control. And this will take some time getting used to. So just keep that in mind. And this is how you start creating a more sober lifestyle that becomes sustainable, right? And not by forcing yourself to stop, by but by giving your brain something better and more productive to do that turns it off for you. And like you don't need to be on all the time, right? You're allowed to stop and you're allowed to not be productive. You are Allowed to rest without earning it, okay. Sobri isn't just often about removing alcohol, it's really about learning how to turn it off without booze, right? And you will eventually do that if you keep this consistent and lean into these tools and lean into what is going to help you and who you are as a person and around your lifestyle and your schedule, right? So I hope this episode helped you today. As always, if you are looking for coaching in your sober journey, there's three ways you can work with me. The first is for kind of the the lone wolves of the back, and that is my stop starting over program. I released that a couple weeks ago, and I have really taken my one-on-one coaching and have made that into a program. So check that out. If you're wanting more group and community, I have my sobriety circles, my sobriety circle, and then two, if you want that high touch coaching, I have my one-on-one. So the options are below in the show notes. And as always, good people, keep on trucking, and I will see you next week.