You’re not “bad at sobriety” How to use habit stacking to build sober habits, rebuild self-trust, and quit drinking

You’re Not Bad at Sobriety

If you've ever thought, "Maybe I'm just not a sober person," this episode is for you.

In this episode of the Sober Vibes Podcast, I break down why sobriety isn't about becoming a different person overnight. It's about building simple, repeatable habits that reduce decision fatigue, create stability, and help you stay consistent.

If you're quitting drinking and struggling to trust yourself, this episode will show you how small routines can create big changes over time.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• Why the belief "I'm bad at sobriety" keeps people stuck
 • Why routine is more powerful than motivation
 • how habit stacking makes sober habits easier to maintain
 • simple morning and evening habit stacking examples
 • how routines reduce emotional chaos and decision fatigue
 • how to rebuild self-trust through small daily actions
 • why consistency matters more than perfection
 • how to create a sobriety plan that works in real life

Sobriety doesn't require a complete life overhaul.

It becomes sustainable when it's built on small, repeatable choices that support the life you're trying to create.

Mentioned in this episode:

30 Day Calendar 

Routine Guide 

Habit Stacking Book 

Compound Effect

Ready for Support? Here Are 3 Ways to Work With Me:
• Stop Starting Over Program
• Sobriety Circle
• 1:1 Sober Coaching 

Free access to my $47 masterclass when you leave an Apple review-
Gain access to my Masterclass when you submit a review on iTunes. Email me sobervibes@gmail.com with a screenshot of the review, and I will send you the code to unlock my Masterclass for free!

Thank you for tuning in!

Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Connect w/ Courtney:
Instagram
Join the Sobriety Circle

Apply for 1:1 Coaching
Order the Sober Vibes Book

Transcript

You Are Not Bad At Sobriety

Courtney Andersen 0:31

Hey, welcome back to the Silvervice Podcast. I am your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 276. And if you've ever thought, maybe I'm just bad at sobriety, why can other people do this, but I can't, right? Why do I keep falling back into the same habits? If you have thought this, I want you to hear this right away. And that is you are not bad at sobriety, right? You're not, you're not, you're not gonna be like this forever. You're likely trying to build a completely different life, right? Without enough support systems. And it does come down to support systems that just don't have anything to do with like, you know, sober support. I'm talking about underneath it, right? And I'm talking about, you know, practical ways you can do that. And it really does come down to habit stacking and building up your routines because truly sobriety becomes sustainable when built through these repeatable routines and not random burst of motivations. With these routines, it's gonna feel very, very boring. Okay. Remember, especially to that first year, your nervous system is leveling out, and especially to if you're a person where you're like, I am not of one of structure, I wasn't either. I wasn't either. And it feels very comfortable to feel chaotic for a very, very, very long time. Okay. So it's gonna take a little bit, I don't want to say a long time. It's gonna take you some some time to not feel the normalcy of feeling chaotic. At a point, it will get to the point, it will get to the point with you where you're like when you're on sober and have consistency, where you're like feeling chaotic feels awful. And that I can guarantee you, I would bet you a thousand dollars that you, if you're like, no, bitch, I like it, you will not because of down the road, it will not align to who that sober person is. Trust me, trust me, trust me. And I've had that happen to me a lot, many times in sobriety within those first couple of years. And then until you start changing it, and then once you start changing it and living with the aligned version of who you are and who you have become, life feels so much more different. But you have to give it the time and the process to get there, right? So that's why in the beginning, you really do just have to work on not drinking today. Okay. You cannot overhaul your life in one day. You cannot, because what that's going to lead to is that's going to lead to burnout and you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. And then you're gonna use, you know, your number one coping mechanism to feel good, and that is drinking alcohol, right? So again, we do not want to become a brand new person overnight. That is not what this is all about. You just need the small habits that support the version of you you're trying to be and stay sober, right? And that's what we're breaking down today.

Ways To Get More Support

Courtney Andersen 3:24

So before we get started in this episode, uh I just want to point out if you're needing more help on your sober journey, you can look into the ways you can work with me. And it's three ways. And it is my if you're a solo person where you're just like, no, I like self-guided stuff, you can look into my my program, Stop Starting Over. If you're more where you need daily community and support, there's a sobriety circle. And then if you're a person who's like, I want the, I want one-on-one coaching, that's my jam. I have that option for you as well. So check out the information in the show notes below, or you can always go to CourtneyRecovered.com. And I'm also going to put in the link to my free morning and nighttime routine little guidebook that I had made a couple years back. So that really will go along with helping you with building this new sober routine for yourself and starting to get consistent within your day. Because the better you feel in your day, the most likely you will not want to drink alcohol. Okay. I'm not saying that your day, because you do some morning and night routines, it's gonna then you're magically gonna see rainbows and butterflies and you know, wearing a bunch of scrunchies. I'm just saying you're gonna start to feel a little bit better because you're you are providing structure for yourself. All right, let's get into it.

Why Sobriety Is Not A Personality

Courtney Andersen 4:46

So let's examine this really like this myth of like I'm just not a sober person because a lot of people end up beating themselves up and think this, right? And this is a lie that you're telling yourself, right? I'm just not a sober person. And it's usually because you have tried before and have had slips, right? Then you feel like you're failing, right? And you had these slips and struggled with consistency, or you feel emotionally chaotic without alcohol. But sobriety is not, again, a personality trait. It's not a personality trait. And it's never gonna be a personality trait because a lot of people think that like once they get sober, and I've heard this from many women before, it's like, I don't want this to be, I don't want this to like dictate my life. And it's like, well, it's gonna dictate your life for a while until it doesn't, and it just kind of becomes you. But again, with sobriety, you really, really do have to protect it like a baby, okay? And if you go into it thinking that this is like, well, I just don't want this to be like define me because then too, you know, when you go on social media and you see people talking about their sobriety all the time, there it's like that's what it becomes a person. I will never forget this, okay. I had I I was doing a podcast, this was years back, and I think I've shared this story before, but this this podcast host, he was sober, we were talking, and he was talking about this night that he went out, and like, you know, then all of a sudden he became the sober guy. And then come to find out he was wearing a silver shirt, which that's fine, right? But I had told him, I was like, yeah, I don't like I don't lead with that. I don't lead. He's like, really? I was like, yeah, because it's like unless it gets brought up, I'm not, you know, or if you're wearing that, he's like, Well, I'm proud of it. I was like, well, yeah, I'm proud of it too, but it's not like the first person I'm meeting for the first time. I'm saying right off the bat, like, I don't drink alcohol. Okay, do you see how this this can go, right? It's like even too. A couple of years ago, we got that like boo basket, and I had made a post about it on social media and there was wine in it for the parents, and a person had commented and they're like, I'm well, I'm surprised that you you being sober would get this. I'm like, why would why would you be surprised? I'm not fucking out here. I there's only one, a couple neighbors I even want to talk to, okay? Because I do not, and I repeat, I do not shit where I live. Absolutely not, because people are fucking weirdos and like no, thank you. So I have a couple of people that I talk to in the neighborhood, and that is it, and even those, my you think my neighbor Bob knows that I don't drink? No, it's never come up in conversation. So I'm not leading with that. So this whole rant that I just went on is do what you need to do, but just know that just because you can't become sober and stop drinking, it does not define you. You just have to pick your battles with how you live your life. So you do not drink that day, especially that first couple years, okay? Especially those first 90 days. Remember, we want to get that solid foundation in you to be able to live a life where alcohol is so embedded and ingrained in society where it just it's not even a part, it's not a part of your conversation anymore, or you know, being comfortable to be out in the world. Okay. So just know too that sobriety, if you want to look at it like a skill set almost, it's that you're building this on and through repetition. Think about when you go to the gym and you're building up that muscle, right? You have to consistently put a little bit of effort in each day to get where you want to go with that muscle. That's the only thing I can come up with with that. Okay.

Overwhelm Is Not Failure

Courtney Andersen 8:44

But what happens is specifically in this, again, it goes back to the problem is most people try to change everything at once. And that's where you're gonna really screw the pooch here, right? And they remove the alcohol and then try to overhaul their routines, you know, pressure themselves into becoming a super productive individual, expect instant emotional stability, right? And when they can't maintain all of it, what happens? They then think, see, I knew it, I couldn't do this. I went three days and then drank, right? It's this is not failure, it's overwhelm. And that's what's happening nowadays, even to, and I will stand on this hill. If you are listening to 101 sober podcasts, stop. Pick up to three, pick up to three, you know, because uh you're gonna start hearing stuff that it's very different, and you're gonna get very confused, and then you know, one person saying one thing, one person saying another thing. I would just highly recommend you go with the vibe where you're like, okay, I connect with her or with him, right? I just even to when you start listening to all of that and reading all the quit lip books and going to 101 meetings, you're gonna burn yourself out. You are going to burn yourself out because there are just some days, and this is why with a lot of what I coach, it's about working with you at your core of like what feels good for you. Because not you're gonna burn yourself out where you're like, I am doing too much because some days it's just hard to breathe. You know, again, you're an extremely introverted person and you're trying to make yourself show up to all of these meetings where it's like physically making you fucking sweat. Like you just you have to work with what works best for you and to not overwhelm the situation because there will be periods where one day you're gonna wake up and be like, this all I can do today is breathe. So trust me. Let's get through to the you know, the routines, right? And this is the change that this really does change

Routines Beat Motivation And Chaos

Courtney Andersen 10:53

everything. So again, going back to to the motivation is unreliable, especially when it comes to, you know, stress, exhaustion, your period, emotional overloads, bad days, right? Life in general, I don't know, the world events, but routines are what carry you when the most evasion disappears, right? And this is why sober habits matter so, so much, okay? Because the less decisions you have to make, if you've ever heard of decision fatigue, right, the easier sobriety becomes, right? Decision fatigue is real, even if it comes down to and you want to start doing it in your routines of just like, or even for the summer, of like, what is my summer wardrobe gonna be? And just pick yourself out like five pairs of shorts and like get yourself five tank tops and like this is what I'm wearing all summer, and I'm good with that. Then you have to then with that, then you're not making such big decisions each day when you go into your closet and look at all your fucking clothes and you're like, I'm already overwhelmed, right? This is why I made that 30-day uh sober, not boring calendar. I will put that in the show notes as well. I made that to take out the decision fatigue for you and to be like, okay, I'm bored, what can I do? Right. And then just go to that calendar and be like, great, I'm gonna I'm gonna clean my room today. Like just something to occupy your time. The simpler you make these routines for yourself, the easier it is for you. So again, going back to decision fatigue, when your brain is tired, it defaults to familiar patterns, right? That's why routines create safety and they reduce emotional chaos. And that's what you have to work through, right? They also too help your nervous system and help your nervous system of what's coming next. Like what can they expect, right? And then within these routines that you're doing each day and then getting through another day's sober, you are starting to build self-trust. And that is what we want to build within ourselves, because when we stop or when we stop drinking, we are at such a ground zero with ourselves internally when it comes to our self-esteem, right? Where we're just like, I can't trust myself. That's why so many women are like, I don't know if I can do this because for so many years it was back and forth, back and forth, right? And I'm telling you, once you quit drinking and you're at that place, you're like, I'm done, it is easier to keep going forward than it is to start over. Truly. And especially to as we age. I'm not saying that a slip, not shaming you for a slip, but just keep that affirmation in your head. Put it in your phone, have it set as a as an alarm where it comes up each day. It is easier to keep going than it is to start over at day one, right? So,

Habit Stacking Made Simple

Courtney Andersen 13:47

what is habit stacking? Okay, if you haven't heard of habit stacking, this is what it is. Habit stacking is you simply attach a new habit to something you already do consistently, right? So instead of trying to create a whole new life for yourself, right? And a whole new life for yourself overnight, you build on to your existing routines, right? So that's what makes it sustainable. A few examples of this is like while making coffee, listen to maybe you're listening to a silver vibes podcast, right? After brushing your teeth, say your affirmations. After work, immediately go for a walk if you need to, right? After dinner, prep some tea instead of wine, okay? Before bed, journal if you want to, or read some smut or watch a Bravo show. So these are little tiny repetitions. They're gonna be anchors, and it will help you for big long-term change. The number one habit stacker you need to do in the the beginning, right? Do not drink alcohol. That's the one thing you're gonna put on your plate. And then when that all of a sudden becomes very easy for you and of your day-to-day, and this is what you're living, and you're living this alcohol-free life, you then can start adding to it. So just don't overload yourself, make it as easy as possible. That first year I focused on not drinking that day. Once I then got into that, right, then it was like, okay, I can start creating more of a life for myself. And you might want to say life for myself, like adding on, like then going to focus on nutrition and then going to focus on exercising, right? And then the third year it was like, I'm gonna start leaning into personal development. Okay. So it wasn't all at once. It was, and then even personal development. When I got into personal development, that's too where I started to understand money and like because nobody ever taught me about how really money works and your credit and all of that. Because I mean, when you're in a state of active addiction, you don't give a fuck. I don't know, maybe some people do. I did not. So my finances were a mess. So it was little simple things like that, but I waited to for my my journey the appropriate amount of time. All right. So

Morning And Night Stacks

Courtney Andersen 16:06

morning habits with the, you know, these stacking examples that you can take with you. So mornings matter because they shape the momentum of the day, right? So here are some simple sober habit stacks for you. So wake up, drink water before touching your phone, right? You're gonna eat, you can drink coffee, read a page of a sober book of personal development. You know, when you're getting ready, listen to some music, or if you want to listen to a podcast, your morning walk, right? Practice gratitude, packing your lunch, choose one food that's going to make you feel good. Maybe that's an extra serving of protein or a little vegetable. Again, this isn't about perfection, it's just about adding consistency to your life. And then the evening could look like this. And evenings are where people struggle the most, right? So your evening routine really matters more than your morning routine. So you're gonna end the work day, right? Maybe you need to change your clothes immediately. Maybe you need to to when you end the work days and come home. Maybe you need 30 minutes before you jump into parenthood, right? Maybe after dinner or before dinner, making dinner, you make yourself a mocktail or tea. When the craving hits, go for a walk or maybe go take a shower. You know, if you're watching TV and feeling like you have anxiety, get a weighted blanket. I will put that in the show notes too, that link as well, because those weighted blankets, uh, that's a dream. That is a dream. So calming your nights and setting your nights up for structure, especially to because now you're gonna realize at nighttime you have so much time on your hands where it's gonna feel very, very, very difficult. But include these sober routines and incorporate them into your morning and nighttime routines because it's really going to help you. And this

Self-Trust And Closing Steps

Courtney Andersen 17:59

is going to start helping you rebuild a lot of self-trust, right? And this is such a deeper part. So every small habit you follow through on sends your brain this message, right? I can trust myself. Self-trust is not re-rebuilt through giant promises, it's rebuilt through repeated follow-through in the consistency of it. That's why honestly, you're going to that's why just the not drinking, if that's all you can focus on and not drinking and making that promise to yourself each day of how you get there is how you get there, as long as you did not drink. And then within a period of time, you're gonna feel that, you're gonna feel that compound effect. If you have not read compound effect, that's a really good one. If you were on a personal development journey, compound effect is a great one. And I actually, out of a lot of personal development books that I read, that one has impacted me the most. That one and the same with the habit stacking one. I will put those books in the show notes. I need to write all that down. So I put these in the show notes for you. Okay, I'm writing this down now. So again, another day alcohol free is going to help you build the self-trust. Include these habits in your day. Not all of them, like I said, start with one, but definitely your nighttime, set up your nighttime routine, even to your nighttime routine. Remember, you can also chew what's a good one for your nighttime routine is like cleaning up the kitchen. So you're setting yourself up for the next day. Or if you need to lay out your clothes, you're setting yourself up where you're not making all those decisions and feeling like you are behind. And you're if you're a weirdo about time and time management and and that, because I I suffer from that, just know that this kind of stuff is only gonna take a couple minutes. It's only gonna take a couple minutes of your time, and it the the benefit outweighs like that time, that time thing that you have. I does anybody get that? Like folding laundry. I feel like it's always gonna take like an hour, and in reality, it only takes like 20 minutes. I don't know. But when I first got sober, I remember like being like paralyzed by that time of thing. It's like you go into freeze mode. It is bizarro, it is bizarro. Okay, well, I hope this episode helped you, but just know that you are good at sobriety, it's just about dialing it in more and more and more and in finding the sub the systems that are going to support you, you personally best in your sober journey. We're not gonna worry about what other people are doing or what you were told to do because this person did it. Like, this is where you have to create what that looks like for you, right? All right, good people of the world. I hope this episode helped you today. As always, thank you for listening. I appreciate it. If you haven't yet, please rate review and subscribe to the show. If you send me a screenshot, if you leave a review on Apple and send me a screenshot, email at chaseilvervibes at gmail.com. I will send you a workshop for free. Okay. And as always, you can check out my coaching options down in the show notes below. Make sure if you haven't, grab that morning and nighttime routine guide and also to that 30-day sober, not boring calendar because they are resources that you can use and tools to help you along the way. All right, as always, keep on trucking.