Decision Fatigue Is Sabotaging Sobriety: How to Use Relapse Prevention and a Sobriety Plan to Stop Night Emotional Drinking for Good

Decision Fatigue Is Sabotaging Your Sobriety

Ever notice how staying sober feels harder at night than it does in the morning?

It's not because you're weak. It's not because you lack motivation.

In this episode of the Sober Vibes Podcast, I explain how decision fatigue impacts sobriety and why emotional drinking often happens during predictable danger windows like after work, weekends, and social events.

You'll learn how to reduce relapse risk by making fewer decisions, creating simple routines, and building a sobriety plan that works even when you're stressed, tired, or overwhelmed.

In This Episode, You'll Learn

• why decision fatigue increases the risk of emotional drinking
 • how to identify your personal danger windows
 • why relapse prevention starts before a craving happens
 • how to use pre-planned swaps for drinks, social situations, and stress
 • simple scripts to navigate drinking pressure with confidence
 • how autopilot routines make staying sober easier

Sobriety gets easier when you stop relying on motivation and start relying on preparation.

The fewer decisions you have to make during your high-risk moments, the easier it becomes to stay alcohol-free.

*Yes, I was correct about a former president wearing the same color every day to reduce decision fatigue

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Transcript

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Welcome And Why Nights Get Hard

Courtney Andersen 0:10

Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes Podcast. I am your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 280. How are you, good people of the world? I hope wherever you are at today, you are kicking ass and taking names. And if you are not, that is okay too. If it's one of those days for you, just remember tomorrow is a new day. But let's not drink alcohol today. Okay. So I am actually excited about this episode because it is going into decision fatigue, which is really, really, really it's a good topic to talk about, especially because decisions in early sobriety those first couple of years can get overwhelming. Okay. So let me start off by I want to ask you something in this is have you ever made it through an entire day, right? Feeling completely committed to not drinking, right? And only to find yourself really standing in that kitchen at 6 p.m. wondering why staying sober suddenly feels impossible, right? So you started off the day you woke up and you're like, I feel good, I'm not gonna drink today, right? You meant what you said all day long, like I am not gonna drink, I'm pretty determined, right? And then everything really, and then everything kind of added up, and then the evening came, right? And then the craving showed up, like they always do around the time. And then the stress hits, right? The exhaustion kicks in because you have to then pick up that second wave for that afternoon, the evening time, right? And then all of those promises that the promises that you made to yourself, it starts feeling a lot harder and very, very overwhelming. Okay. So this episode is for you. So I don't think your biggest problem, I don't think people's biggest problem comes really down to a lot of willpower because a lot of people think that it's all about willpower and this journey, but there's a couple different things

Decision Fatigue And Overstimulation

Courtney Andersen 2:15

that really truly add up. And decision fatigue is definitely one of them that is an issue, and especially nowadays in 2026, and also to the over stimulation that happens, even just with having the internet on your phone, and also to the notifications, right? Just how convenient it is for everyone to be able to get a hold of you at all times. I'm really talking about the overstimulation here, just by one device and with the apps and all that. So a lot of women, when they reach at the end of the day, you have already made a hundred decisions for that day. And if you're a mom of how many little dictators you have, how many decisions are you making for them, right? So you got your family decisions, if you have a husband or wife, decisions with that, right? Parenting decisions, the house life decisions, financial decisions, right? So when your brain gets tired, it starts looking for the shortcuts and the way to cope. So that's when emotional drinking often shows up. Not because you truly want alcohol, but again, it goes back to your brain wants the relief from making these decisions because it's all day long. It's constant. So I am gonna talk to you today about how to reduce relapse and by making fewer decisions during your highest risk moments. So we will cover the witching hour, right? We will cover making a pre-planned swamp and autopilot routines that make sobriety easier. Routines, and I know it's gonna sound you're gonna be like, Well, I am already a routine person. Yes, when it comes to this. When it comes to some of it, of course you are. We got your routines like I am in the routine with my little dictator. And even before him, I had a routine. But when you're adding drinking into that routine, drinking then comes the main focus of that routine. It really does, because then that's what you're thinking about constant all day long, right? You kind of just like go through the motions until you get to the point of drinking. And yes, I do remember this from my own drinking days. It's like that is the focus because you are looking for that relief. But in sobriety, you have to become quote unquote boring AF. I know, I get it. You might be like, well, your whole tagline is like silver not boring. And that is the case, but in your day-to-day, when it comes to this, so you do not relapse, you need to come boring in your day-to-day routine in your day-to-day life. You have been for a long time living in a chaotic state, even if you've had your routines, okay? Because that chaotic state is the hangovers, is the regret and shame, is the going a couple weeks without drinking and then putting, then wanting some self-sabotage, then messing it all up for yourself because you don't believe you deserve to feel good, right? Or you are not planned and prepared enough. And that's the whole thing is I'm trying to help you not relapse. I'm trying to help you, and that has been my goal for this season of season eight of this podcast, is give you as many

Cut Tiny Decisions To Protect Sobriety

Courtney Andersen 5:40

ways to stay alcohol-free as possible and different scenarios, right? So decision fatigue is huge. And I will just say this. And I read this about a president that he made the decision for, and I've I've read this about other people, CEOs and whatnot, but this particular president stuck out because I was like, huh, that's interesting. And then I had to like keep thinking about like, oh, okay, is that what he wears? But he made it where he would, was it the president? Or am I now making this up in my head, or was it somebody else? No, I'm pretty sure it was him. That he would wear pretty much the same colored shirt every day. Why? Because he wanted to take a decision off his plate of like, I don't need to then think about what I'm going to wear for the day. It's already there. Like, I don't have to worry about matching this and this. Like it was the same colored shirt, the same pants that he wore every day. I'm gonna have to go back to my resource because I know what book this came from. And I'm going to double check it. And by the time this episode airs, I will definitely put it in the show notes to make sure. Because now my mom brain almost was like, wait, you know when you read stuff in there, you're like, did I like from years ago? And you're like, can I make that up? No, I'm having that moment right now. No, I swear it in my bones. I am telling you this though, that he made that conscious choice to wear the same thing, same color every day to take out the decision fatigue. Because again, when you run a country, you you want to prioritize what's most important. So this is what I want to help you with prior prioritizing what's most important to you each day. And that is not to drink alcohol. Okay. Of course, your kids are high priority and whatnot, but listen, if you are not sober, you are not alcohol free, you are no good to anybody. You're no good to yourself. You are no good to those children, you are no good to your partner, you are no good to your your dog. Like you are just no, no good to anybody. And that is the truth, okay?

Spot Your Predictable Danger Windows

Courtney Andersen 7:50

So you have to identify what your like quote unquote like danger windows are, right? Like what that most people's drinking doesn't randomly happen. So that is what I'm saying. It happens in these predictable windows, like the witching hour that I have said, or a day of the week. Is it after work, right? Is it between the 5 to 8 p.m.? Is it Friday nights? For me, when I quit drinking, I was like, holy shit, Fridays are my most challenging days. Is it the weekends for you, right? Like, are social gatherings what really does it for you? Is it vacations? You can't make it anytime you now travel. It's like you can you can go months and months and months, but then when you go on vacation, you're like, I cannot make this work, right? Is it stressful evenings? Is it the witching hour when you have to prepare dinner for everybody and have to make that choice of like what's for dinner, right? So you're never going to eliminate these moments because that is part of life. But your goal here is to predict them. So I want you to ask yourself this. When am I most likely to think about drinking? Once you figure that out, once you figure out that answer, this is where awareness is going to create prevention. Okay. You can't plan for what you have not identified. So again, let's go back to my story here. Fridays were my most triggering days. What did I and but what's great about knowing this, if you have a day of the week or a time frame, right? Or like a situation, like I just said, for vacation, it's like, okay, what am I going to do to prepare myself to be most successful? Once I learned that about Fridays, I planned for it. And then eventually those Fridays became easier and easier. And like now on Fridays, we usually have pizza because pizza really is a Friday night thing. And watch some type of Disney movie because a four and a half year old. And we have a movie night and pizza. But my point of telling you this is like I find it because I'm so present on those Friday nights that I find it it's almost for me and where I'm at in my life, and as the dictator grows up, it's like almost kind of euphoric to me and a beautiful thing because I'm I'm living a life

Friday Triggers And Remembering The Truth

Courtney Andersen 10:35

in this feeling that I had, you know, cultivating this safe home for my son and just a simple thing of being very grateful to be here on a Friday night where I am not having Friday night anxiety. I don't have that FOMO, it's not chaotic, right? Like, because I still go back and look at my drinking days and like it's still, I don't forget where I came from. I don't forget where drinking has taken me. Last night I went out with a girl. I used to do meetings in the pandemic, and she actually joined a meeting. She joined the meetings during the pandemic and she was newly sober. Well, she's a fellow Michigander, and we actually our schedules aligned and we met in real life last night, and it was a great, great, great thing. But like, that's her and I were talking about that, where we were talking about early on of what like days look like, right? And even two, we talked about it for a minute. I was like, Do you would you ever go back to drinking? She was like, No, I just can't. She was like, Because we were talking about casual drinkers, and she was like, she was like, No, because like even still to this day, she's like, if I think about it, I know that I I wouldn't stop. And I said, That's how I feel. Like, if I were to think about it, I'm like, I can like still feel it, and this is still 14, almost 14 years later, I could still feel how that one sip would taste, and I would not be able to turn it off. And there's no shame in that. That's just the reality of the situation when it comes to alcohol. So the choice is always like, I'm just a person who does not drink. Now, are those thoughts daily? No, but you still get into the point where you can romanticize drinking, again, the change of weather that just happened, still romanticize drinking and just remember it for a second, but you always have to remember where it took you. And so that is the type of good programming you should be doing on your mind of like, this is why you you constantly need to, I shouldn't say constantly, but that first year you have to really tap into that why. And then as the years progress, of meet yourself with where you are and tune into that why. So I kind of sidetracked there, but I wanted to share that. So a lot of relapses happen too in familiar environments, going back to this, not and it doesn't really a lot of them don't happen in surprising ones, right? So the more predictable your trigger is, the more preventable it becomes. Truly, truly, truly. And I will say with people, people end up becoming an emotional, people end up becoming bigger, bigger of a trigger for you when you hit or hit into more of the emotional sobriety state. Okay. Yes, in the beginning, you will have your party friends who can be triggering to you, but it's usually places and things in the in the beginning. And then the people become more of that like emotional trigger down the road where you're like, Whew. Okay. In my sobriety, in the sobriety circle, we were talking about that because one of the members was talking about how she is very prone now to other people's energy. And I was like, This happens your first year of sobriety. Like you can tell who the draining ones are. I was like, because you are no longer numbing yourself. So your senses are very, very heightened and you react to people differently. So just know that to best help yourself, you have to identify right now to for relapse prevention, to really identify when it is that drinking is the most triggering for you. But once you have your week figured out, it becomes less overwhelming because then you're not thinking about it on a daily situation where you're like, okay, like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I'm good. But come Thursday, Friday, I start to get a little ants in my pants because this is like gearing towards the weekend,

Preplanned Swaps Exit Plans And Scripts

Courtney Andersen 14:40

right? So let's pre-plan some swaps that you can start making today. So decisions, again, are very exhausting. Pre-decide, and that is going to save you a lot of energy. And right now, you want to conserve as much energy as possible. So instead of deciding what to drink, decide what you want to drink. Sparkling water, right? Mocktail, flavored water in the tea, coffee. There is those choices. So this is like, okay, I'm not going to drink alcohol, I'm going to drink that. And instead of deciding whether to stay, you just have to have an exit plan, right? So, like at events, drive yourself, leave after one hour, leave if cravings increase. If people kind of start triggering you more because they're messed up, then it's like, okay, I'm out of here. So also too, instead of figuring out what to say in the moment, have pre-written responses out. Practice that before you go out. Like, I'm not drinking tonight. I feel better without alcohol, right? Like, oh, I'm just taking a break right now. I have an early morning. No, thanks, I'm good. And then you don't feel like you have to give an explanation. So that confidence really does come with preparation. But going back to with the planning what to drink before, I worked with Lee. We did one-on-one, and it was very helpful for her to have something to drink always when she got home from work. That was like, she's like, I need to have my fridge stocked. That way, when I get out of my car, it's in the garage fridge. I love a crib's fridge in the garage. And she was like, then I can just grab that, open that into my way. So then that became like a new ritual for her. But that was pre-planning that she knew that after work it was an issue for her. And that was very, very, very helpful for her, right? So the preparation really does help you. And the I don't want to say the more you are prepared because not 100% of the time you're gonna be in a situation where you are like prepared. But I will say 90% of the time that you have these preparations for yourself, it's going to help you in the long run. And always to remember, you can write this down in the notes section of your phone. There's no shame in that. So always make the decision once instead of debating every time, right? Like again, like how I've I've said to you before, like make the decision to quit drinking. Take alcohol off of the

Autopilot Routines That Create Safety

Courtney Andersen 17:15

table. Like alcohol is no longer the choice. And you want to make sure that you have autopilot routines to reduce decision fatigue. The less you have to think, the easier sobriety becomes, right? So, example, after work routine, you arrive home. Let's say you grab that beverage from the fridge, right? Change your clothes, get out of your work attire. Maybe two, you need to drink some water, go for a walk, right? Maybe even two, you need a minute before you interact with the with the kids, because maybe even two, your commute home from work is very hectic. Maybe you get in a lot of traffic, right? So just know that you have the option, talk with whoever you need to talk to. Maybe two, you have an annie or babysitter there with the kids. Like, hey, can you, even though I'm gonna come home at six, can you stay till 6:30, right? Like, can you just stay? Because I'm gonna go upstairs and just decompress before I then get into this, the next step of my day with my kids. Because I I do understand that decompression um with kids, because then that night, that nighttime is wild beast. Okay. That nighttime is wild beast, and especially when you're doing it every night, right? So have an evening routine, right? Maybe that is you having some tea, taking a shower, reading. Maybe you are gonna listen to a podcast, maybe you're gonna learn watch a murder mystery and then get into bed. So, or you hit up a meeting too after work, right? So the repetition is going to help you in that repetition is going to create safety. And this is what I'm telling you. The repetition will seem like it's like groundhogs day and not normal, especially in sobriety, because you were very, very used to chasing chaos. So sobriety becomes easier when your brain knows what's coming next and that it's not alcohol where you keep feeding the beast. Okay. And even too, if you haven't grabbed my uh it's a free morning and nighttime routine little book that I put together, grab it. I will put it in the show notes below, okay? And also, too, maybe you need to decide what routine could replace your drinking hour and help you through that, right? So maybe that's what you need to figure out for yourself instead of willy-nillying it out there, right? And it's not the goal here isn't to become more disciplined. I'm not asking you to optimize your whole entire life, but the goal here from this episode is for you to become more prepared in these moments. So this is going to take a little bit of work, but I guarantee

Remove Alcohol Options And Get Support

Courtney Andersen 20:00

you this is going to be very, very, very helpful. And also to if if you can eliminate the alcohol from the household. That is my suggestion. Because then it's not a choice. That because if you're letting it still be in your house for some people, it's still an option for you. It's one of those things where it's just like, okay, I've been on this rodeo for a couple of years and I keep going back to the alcohol in the house. Maybe it's time for me to get rid of it because that is a trigger. If you know that it's there, you have it to fall back onto. All right, good people of the world. I hope this episode helped. If you need help in your sobriety journey and looking for coaching, I have three ways you can work with me. And that is my self-guided program, stop starting over. There is also to my sobriety circle, that is a group program with meetings. And if you're looking for more one-on-one intense of work with support accountability, I have my one-on-one coaching. All of that information is in the show notes below, or you can go to Courtneyrecovered.com under the work with me section. All right, as always, keep on trucking and stay safe out there.