Show Up and Stay | Sober Positive Workplace

First responders and recovery w/Kate Vitela

• DeAnn Knighton • Season 3 • Episode 14

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DeAnn interviews Kate Vitela, a board-certified nurse coach and addiction specialist, about her journey in sobriety and career. Kate, a registered nurse for over two decades, discusses her transition from various healthcare settings to behavioral health after getting sober in 2018. She shares her experiences with a state monitoring program for nurses with substance use issues and her eventual success in leadership roles. Kate emphasizes the importance of evidence-based practices, self-care, and creativity in recovery, including her involvement in fashion and her newly released podcast, "You've Been Selected."

You can find Kate on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/katevitela/

Explore Kate’s blog: https://thesobercurator.com/category/sober-lifestyle/youve-been-selected/

Work with Kate: https://linktr.ee/KateVitela

Email Podcast: team@katevitelacoaching.com

Podcast Link: https://www.katevitela.com/podcast/

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If you have questions or comments or would like to be a guest on the show, send an email to:
info@showupandstay.org

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Music Created and Produced by Katie Hare.
https://www.hare.works

DeAnn Knighton:

Welcome back to sober, positive workplace for a while now, I really wanted to speak with someone who has navigated a sobriety journey as an individual working in a helping profession, and I am pleased to introduce our guest today, Kate. It is a registered nurse for over two decades, and is a board certified nurse coach, as well as certified in addiction. She is also so much more than that. As you'll hear as we talk today, there's a lot to Kate, so let's get started and find out more. Kate, I'm so happy you're here. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you so much for having me. I was looking forward to this. Yeah, there is a lot that I want to discuss, and I will admit that some of it is a little bit selfishly motivated. I'm currently on this maze of becoming a clinical mental health counselor from working for years and on the business side, and I am struggling right now, like in the here and now, I'm just about to get done and move into the internship phase, and I am having this very complex, overwhelming feeling of, I guess you would call it imposter syndrome, and fear about, you know, all the it's like all the things that I was so confident in, including my own sobriety journey, suddenly now feel vulnerable to me. There's, you know, all of these things are kind of coming up. So I am kind of looking forward to talking to you about that a little bit, because I'm guessing that might be something that you can relate on to some degree or give some insight on. But before we do, I really want people to get to know you better. So let's start there. Talk to us about your journey and what brought you to the show today.

Unknown:

Yeah, well, first I wanted to make a comment on imposter syndrome, because I certainly felt that when I moved into nursing leadership positions, director of nursing roles in a mental health environment, and I remember a supervisor said to me once imposter syndrome just means you hold a lot of reverence for the job and for what it entails. And I love that word reverence, because when I think about it that way, I thought, yeah, this is super important work that I'm doing, and I want to do a really, really good job, and I value this work so much that that is why I'm feeling this love, love imposter syndrome. And he said, we all feel that no matter whether we're, you know, PhD level or whatever, no matter how many years, but it just think of it as that you value the work so much so it's a good thing. Really. I

DeAnn Knighton:

love that. It's like you're paying attention. So paying attention isn't a bad thing, and being passionate and caring about what you do isn't a bad thing, as long as it doesn't over overcome you too much. It's kind of like how if somebody comes into a counselor and says, I think I'm a narcissist, you're pretty sure they're not a narcissist, because they wouldn't come in and say they are one. They wouldn't be worried about being one, right? So there's something like in that, yeah, in that inquiry that is actually like a healthy

Unknown:

thing, yeah? And when it comes to these helping professions in the medical world and in behavioral health and sobriety, we're talking about a vulnerable population of people. So there's a next level of caution that you take when you're talking through your own story, as well as when you're guiding them along the path. So I certainly get it. I mean, you can church it up however you want, but imposter syndrome is real, and I get that so much so. But yeah, I've been an RN since I was 22 so my whole adult life. I'm 45 and I've worked in various healthcare settings. I started out as a cardiac nurse, and I've worked in home health, in operating rooms. I even did a about a five year stint in pharmaceutical sales and education. So I've done all manner of nursing work, but it wasn't until I got sober in 2018 that I went into behavioral health, and I really shifted my focus, and I began to study. And, you know, I was pursuing, getting board certified in psychiatric, Mental Health Nursing, and then I became a certified addiction RN and all the things, because, you know, as I went along my own recovery journey, not only was I curious for my own self, right, but I was curious, what are the medical people telling our you know, our patients, what is the, what is the expert opinion? You know, in recovery circles, we throw around a lot of knowledge, like, we're all like armchair quarterbacks in recovery circles. So I was really curious, like, what are the doctors saying? What are what are the addiction specialists saying? What does the DSM say? You know what is true and not? What is folklore, what is passed on and just truisms that we. Just believe regardless. And I also was really curious about the science of addiction and the brain and neuroplasticity and all of it, really, oh

DeAnn Knighton:

my gosh, I'm like nodding my head's about to pop off. We have so much in common. I'm almost 45 I became sober in 2019 and everything you just said is exactly why I ended up in this program that I'm in doing clinical mental health counseling, all that same, like, level of curiosity, I just the way I think about things, even going back to, like, my treatment I used to, like, assess when I was in treatment, like, why did they just do that? Why does that work? What you know, that's just kind of how my brain always is. And I was also wanting to filter between like, what do we know? What do we still need to know? Where do we really like as, where does the time need to be spent? And it's kind of hard to answer that question on a bigger level, if you don't like, have some of that context from understanding what people are saying and doing in the field,

Unknown:

absolutely, yeah. And having been a nurse for so long, I immediately, when I got sober, was like, Wait, is that evidence based practice? Like, you know, and I'm thinking from a nursing perspective. And so yeah, I it was like, there was no, no way I was going to just blindly take advice from people and so much of what we pass around in recovery circles, although it's with the best intent, it's not exactly scientifically based and or it's misinformation. Sometimes it is so it's important to fact check

DeAnn Knighton:

yes, and sometimes it is scientifically based, but just package this something else, yes, and call it something else. And so sometimes I'm like, oh, yeah, that that kind of works, yeah, but yeah, it's that's interesting. Do you mind if we go back even a little bit further to what got you to sobriety, and maybe the role that your work played in that evolution, whatever you feel comfortable sharing

Unknown:

there, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm an open book, especially, you know, I work as a coach. Now. I tell clients to Google me, because all my information is public knowledge. My drinking really progressed, I would say late 20s, early 30s. Throughout my 30s, I began to drink really heavily. And, you know, I can blame some of it on the work, but I've worked with clients in all professions, and they all blame their work. So, I mean, it's, you know, stress, pain, trauma, fatigue, burnout, expectations, life. I mean, you can blame it on anything, but there is a another level of stress that comes with high acuity nursing. And I think when I look back the fact that I was learning to be an adult and learning to be a registered nurse at the same time, like really early 20s, I started on a high acuity ICU step down unit where we were the code team for the hospital, sort of the first responders. And, you know, I look at myself and I think back to my 23 year old self, 24 you know, working 12 hour shifts, like really being exposed to things most people never see in their life. I found some solitude and Solstice and drinking. And that was my my cure. And by my late 30s, I was a daily drinker, a blackout drinker. It was I was a problem drinker. Through various nursing jobs, i i probably performed at 70 to 80% of my potential, maybe less, because of my ongoing drinking. But it didn't really become a problem, like in my face problem, until around, oh, probably 2016 2017 is when I got reported to the state Board of Nursing. I attempted to quit drinking on my own, and I didn't know anything about recovery. I mean, the sad part is, I had been at a nurse for 17 years at this point, and I knew nothing about addiction. I knew nothing about recovery. I didn't know a single human being that went to AA or that ever, you know, I got a DUI. I in 2014 I didn't know anyone who had ever gotten a DUI, so it was just like I had this, like, naive side where or ignorant, or I don't even know. I feel silly even saying this. But by the time I got reported to the state Board of Nursing, my addiction was so far down the toilet, you know, and I knew nothing and no one. So I felt really lost. And I had tried to quit drinking on my own. I had tried to sort of white knuckling it, and I said I'm not going to drink alcohol anymore. And I was really proud of myself for six months that i i. I was sober, but I was smoking pot, and nurses aren't allowed. I mean, it's not federally legal, so first responders, you know, so I ended up getting in trouble for the marijuana, and then they found, of course, that I had a drinking problem, that I had a DUI, this, that, and the other. It's kind of a silly story, but it's all on my nursing license. I mean, you can, you can look up my nursing license, and there it is, you know, I, I tried to fake a drug screen by bringing in fake p and so I got reported to the state board of nursing for tampering with a drug screen. And that is a no joke. I mean, they take that really seriously. So I got put in a monitoring program for nurses with substance use issues. And I would say, you know, it's a death of 1000 cuts as to why I finally gave up, gave in, surrendered, got sober, but there was something about the fear of losing my nursing license after all that time I had identified. I mean, that was my identity. Was being an RN, you know, there was fear. I had already suffered so many consequences, and there was something about going into the monitoring program that was a little bit enticing for me, because there were I knew that I would have a weekly peer support group with other nurses that understood. And I thought, you know, this might be my god shot. And around that time, I started reading books on sobriety, memoirs, anything I could find. And I remember reading the recovering by Leslie Jamison and literally closing that book and saying, You know what, I'm going to an AA meeting. And I just googled and found one and drove and there I went, and I've never looked back. And that was February 10 of, 2018 I'm

DeAnn Knighton:

curious if you're comfortable to speak of it, to hear about your impression of the monitoring program. You mentioned that there was some parts of it that were effective for you, what was kind of that overall experience like for people who maybe aren't familiar with that? Yeah, I

Unknown:

mean, this is a state run program. It's, I'm in Washington State. So it was Washington health provider services. Each state has their own. You can go into it as a nurse, as a doctor, as a nurse practitioner, all levels, you know, there were all levels of of nurses in my group. We were subjected to random UAS, and we had to go to our group meetings. We had to go to some kind of recovery meetings. You know, there's pros and cons to it. It felt punitive at the time. It's essentially designed to keep the public safe, so it's the state's way of allowing you to continue working while while proving to the to the general population that you are going to be a safe healthcare employee. So I totally get that when I think about it from that perspective. It's designed to protect the public, and I wouldn't want my grandmother being cared for by an impaired nurse, so I get that, but it's not necessarily designed for to, like, wrap their arms around you and really help you get sober. And, I mean, you're assigned a case manager, but they're essentially just there to monitor you. So it's just that it's a monitoring program. You have to seek your recovery and your community and your you know, any way you can outside of the program. So like I said, pros and cons,

DeAnn Knighton:

yeah, definitely not holistic. Sounds very similar to I worked in a court mandated setting. I didn't quite realize it till I got there, and I was working in that environment, because I had been in an outpatient that that the motivations were really different, and that I was working with women who were looking for reunification and coming out of the prison system. And I think I had almost too high of expectations of what the service was that they were going to be getting, if that makes sense. And so then I go in all gung ho with my recovery knowledge and all you know, ready to just, let's do this. We're going to fix your life, save the world. Yeah, right. And then going like, oh yeah, no, there. There are these like specific niches that sort of have to operate a specific way to be able to operate. And then what people do outside of that is where all of these other services come in. But then it's like, can they get to those services? Are people able to access some of that outside of that system? Is what my fear always is, yeah, and the program I was

Unknown:

in, we were required to work in order to graduate it. You couldn't just sit back and, you know, work retail for five years. You had to actually work in as a nurse to get credit through the system. So that brought up a whole nother level of what it's like. Like in early sobriety, trying to get a job as a nurse with big red letters on your license and explaining that you are now in a monitoring program for nurses with substance use issues. Was it

DeAnn Knighton:

that that kind of informed the path you went on to be in the field, or was it not connected? No, I had

Unknown:

my own mental health struggles getting sober. I was in a psychiatric facility because I had basically a mental breakdown before I got sober. So I was curious about the work, and I was interested in giving back. In that sense, I got really fortunate that I got a job. I was six months sober, and I got hired by a behavioral health company as an on call nurse. They were going to just give me a chance. You know, working the floor per diem hours kind of ended up with, like, weekends, holidays, whenever they were desperate, but they gave me a chance, and I, at the time, I wasn't allowed to pass narcotics, so I had to have someone else, you know, take the keys and go do the thing. I mean, there had to be a lot of accommodations for me. So the fact that this organization gave me a chance was a miracle, and I was able to work my way into full time position and then all the way up to leadership. Amazing, amazing.

DeAnn Knighton:

And I love that you've turned this into your focus now as looking backwards at your own situation and kind of helping other people along, it seems like. So can you tell us a little bit of that jump from from nursing into the coaching realm that you're in, and what that looked like, like

Unknown:

you. I went into this work with a little bit of an airy fairy idea of what it was going to be, and I should know better, because healthcare is a business. I know that, but I wasn't quite getting to spend the time with the clients that I had wanted. And let's see, couple years ago, I looked into coaching, and I really didn't know there was such thing as a nurse coach. I had looked into coaching programs for just anyone, and I stumbled across an institute for registered nurses. You you go through this training program, you have some supervision, and you pass a state board exam, and it actually goes on your license. So I did that a year and a half or so ago, and I've opened my own coaching business, and it's an LLC, and I've been coaching ever since. I still work as a nurse for a behavioral health entity, but I am able to run my own business on the side. What I like to say is I coach high performing women who can do anything they put their mind to, except get sober.

DeAnn Knighton:

Let's kind of jump over a little bit to home life, if you don't mind, you, I saw some indication about some connection in your current life to the idea of PTSD and military service, and the connection between substance use and military service, it's not really something I've even had the chance to talk about on the show yet, which is crazy. So I would just love to hear how that connection has come together, and how it applies to the advice and the coaching that you do. You know,

Unknown:

with first responder positions, there is an element of PTSD and moral injury from the the traumatic things that we witness. But I remarried almost 10 years ago. We've been married almost 10 years, and my husband was a career soldier. He was in the army for 20 years, and he was just transitioning out of the military after 20 freaking years when we got married. So I saw it firsthand. Like this is what it's like to transition from the military into a civilian life, and all the PTSD and this, the struggles were coming right up to the surface, and he didn't get sober when I got sober, but he's currently sober, so he's been sober almost three years now, and what a giant difference he's, you know, it's made on his mental health and his PTSD, you know, but one of the things we bonded over when we first met being a nurse and a soldier is that we've seen some horrible things. You know, we've been in situations most people are not in. You know, were those people that run toward the sound of gunfire because we're in a helping profession? So, yeah, so I've, I've definitely seen it there. And you know, my husband is doing some really cool things because he was noticing there wasn't a lot of spaces for retired soldiers or even active duty that were addiction recovery focused. And so he became a smart recovery facilitator and leads a meeting for veterans.

DeAnn Knighton:

Fantastic. I love that. I love variety in options for people. And I love also, like when specific people have that specific background can help guide people in that way. I think that's awesome. You know, sobriety doesn't have to suck, is what I like to say. And I think you, I feel from you that you are one of those people who believes that fully, that this is a preferred life and it and that are for at least for you. And so I see in your work, a lot of creativity and personal style, still having fun, still being social, all of the things that sometimes people on the other side are afraid of might exist on on our side of things. So let's talk about that work. I, you know, I actually had Elise Bryson on the show, gosh, like long time ago when I first started the podcast. So for those who don't know, she is over sober curator, and I saw that you've done a lot of articles for them. So I just want to hear about finding yourself and your creativity in your sobriety journey. Yeah,

Unknown:

that's been, gosh, that's probably one of my favorite things to talk about. I you know this room that I'm sitting in, we're on camera, and I know this is audio only, but the little chair behind me is like, sort of my reading nook, and it's also what I call my co office, so it's full of clothes and accessories and shoes. And you know, I would sit in here and do my morning pages, and, you know, in the morning before work, and look at what and decide what I was going to wear. And I met Elise through social media, and she was just putting together the sober curator, and she said, I still need someone to write a fashion column. And I thought, I'm not a fashion designer. I'm and I'm certain I'm not a stylist, I but I know what it's like to have reverence for fashion and to really like the art of dressing myself based on my own mood. And I thought, you know, there's such a strong correlation between the changes that we go through on the inside in our sober journey, on our recovery journey, and the changes we go through on the outside. Like, I don't know many people who look exactly the same, you know, from when they were in an active addiction until now. I mean, not only do we have the glow up, but you know, often times our sense of style changes a little too, or we can look over our wardrobe and go, Oh my god, I can't really wore that, you know, like I had a bunch of nightclub attire that was wildly inappropriate and just I didn't know myself. I didn't know my personal sense of style. So I started writing a fashion column for the sober curator called walk your talk, and I still contribute to that as well, but it just it like sort of took on a life of its own, because I got involved with the break free organization in New York, who puts on a fashion show every year during New York Fashion Week dedicated to mental health and sobriety, and I interviewed a bunch of models and designers for the column. Then I ended up walking in New York Fashion Week. Then I ended up doing some local modeling in the Seattle, Portland area. I mean, it just all because I got sober, you know, this world cracked wide open, and I became more creative and more self aware and more interested. You know, I'm not sure if you're familiar with Julia Cameron's the artist way, but she recommends, like an artist date, and for me, that is going through my clothes and putting together outfits and, you know, styling and just figuring out little ways I can accessorize. And it just became something that was super helpful on my recovery journey. And I wanted to tell everyone about it. I still tell everyone about it. You know, when I coach, I still talk about how important fashion is to me for my recovery. It sounds crazy, but it's, you know, what we wear says so much about who we

DeAnn Knighton:

are? Yeah, absolutely, it's such a form of self expression. Yes, I I'm a bonus parent to an 11 and a nine year old. And I was out at Ulta. We went to Ulta because she was, she's nine, she wanted to go. And the girl behind the register had some serious eyelashes. I mean, the kind, you know, like, so much that the nine year old was, like, kind of like, taken aback and like, what is happening with those, you know, she has really, you know, crazy eyelashes. They're very stylish ones, you know, I was, and so I actually kind of had this conversation with her and about how it's, you know, just like some people express themselves with, like, art or music, this is, like, personal style is a way people express themselves, too. There's something like all encompassing about it. It's not just about the eyelashes, you know, I wanted her to have, like that context, because I think it's really important,

Unknown:

yeah. And, you know, I got really involved in the local fashion community here in the Seattle and Portland area where I'm at and. Uh, going to fashion shows and meeting other models and designers and that group of people, expressing their own creativity, showing up as they are in all manner of different ways. It's the most therapeutic environment, because it's like, Come as you are. It doesn't matter what your wild card is like, you know, we want to see it all. And everyone is so welcoming of various styles and designs, and you can literally show up in anything, and people will commend you for expressing yourself. And I just found, I find that type of environment to be so helpful,

DeAnn Knighton:

yeah, absolutely. And healing too. It, yeah, like, it gives everybody permission, for sure, absolutely. So, yeah, let's actually, I want to kind of move over then to this idea. I sometimes lately, I don't know if you feel this, and I'm sorry if I'm going to sound negative, but sometimes I hear the word self care, or I talk about self care, and my body kind of like coils and goes because it's just so overwrought. But I still want to talk about it. So because you are a person who is not, because I don't think it's important, let me explain just because it gets convoluted. So as you are someone now working with people needing to show up for other people, be in that space for them, still having your own things that you need to take care of for yourself or do for yourself. How do you balance that? And you know, what does that routine look like for you?

Unknown:

Yeah, for me, self care is fun, good, and a lot of that is laughing my ass off with my friends. Most, almost all my friends are in recovery, spending time with my friends, my husband. You know, we spend a lot of time with the fashion community here. So fun. I use movement, purposeful movement, like, go for a walk. You know, I'm not a big exerciser, but I like to move my body, and that is very helpful for me, and I always recommend it to clients like, I don't care if you don't go to the gym or if you're not an exerciser, and exercise is an icky word to me, but move, move your body somehow, right? And I spend a pretty fair amount of time meditating and and reading. I know it sounds cliche, but I've discovered meditation over the last few years, and I'm kind of on my own little spiritual journey, and it's been a game changer for me. You know, I wasn't one of those people who got sober and became the Bodhisattva, you know, I did not like have. I was a snarky I mean, I was sober and that was about it. It took me some time, you know, just I'm coming up on seven years of sobriety, and I'm just now in that, I would say, deep in my own spiritual journey. So, yeah, spending a lot of time meditating, that quieting of the mind, that's really helpful. I do, you know, Joppa meditation. I'm into Kundalini right now, and mantras and and I read a lot. Reading is also my quiet time, you know, even though most of the time it's personal development books that you know, but it's I love to read awesome. What

DeAnn Knighton:

about from your perspective, Kate, is there anything else that you want to speak on I know you have a podcast coming up and some different activities going on right now, so maybe, you know, talk us through what's on your plate right now.

Unknown:

I have a podcast launching January 7, and it's interesting that it ties all into what we're talking about. The podcast is called, you've been selected, and that it was the name of a blog I also wrote for the silver curator, because I write two because I was like, I will. I really want a personal development sobriety blog, and I want a fashion blog, you know. And Elise likes to say, God loves and so you can do both. So I started this blog, and the podcast has been, had been recording episodes, and the the title you've been selected is based on a sort of a awakening I had during the nurse monitoring program, because every day, I had to check into an app to see if it was my turn to provide a random UA to prove I was sober, and twice a month, I was selected, and in bright red letters on my phone, it would say, You've been selected. And I'd be like, Oh God, gotta drop everything. And my heart would raise. And I knew I was sober, I just, you know, you have to comply and get it all in and done. Nerve wracking it is, and you have to pay for them, and they can't be diluted. So there's all these things. And I had to tell my boss, like, Hey, I have to leave. I have to go sit at the lab. And it was always these conversations of, I got selected today, okay, you know, part the waters for Kate to go sit in the lab. And one day, I was sitting in the parking lot of the lab, and I was like, you know, what if. This is a sign that I've been selected for a whole lot more in my life, that I've been selected for a purposeful life to help others, to share my story and to talk about going from rock bottom, I mean rock bottom through the monitoring program, all the things to the person that I am today. And I thought, you know, I'm going to flip this around in my head. I've been selected for a greater purpose, and I will get through this monitoring program, and on the other side of it, I'm going to be the person that I may be needed in early sobriety. I

DeAnn Knighton:

love it. Well, great. I can't wait to listen. I will check it out, and I'll have links to all of your stuff in the show notes for people who want to jump over there and listen. But you've been selected, right? That's the name you've

Unknown:

been selected. Yeah?