990.You’ve Been Thinking About Self-Discipline All Wrong

What if self-discipline isn’t punishment?

What if it’s not about rigidity, suffering, or going full David Goggins on yourself?

In this episode, I unpack a powerful idea from Roxy Nafusi’s book Confidence.

Self-Discipline is not a weapon… It’s a practice of self-love and self-respect.

Instead of using discipline to dig yourself out of self-created jams, what if you saw it as casting a daily vote for the person you’re becoming?

I break down:

• Why I’ve used self-discipline as a weapon in my fitness and finances
• How “coming from behind” can be a skill — but a terrible life blueprint
• Three practical ways to practice discipline differently:
  1. Be proactive (without losing your edge)
  2. Anticipate your triggers
  3. Think in lanes and guardrails

This one reframes everything.

Self-discipline isn’t about punishing yourself.

It’s about respecting yourself enough to stay in your lane.

Let’s get it.

Transcript

0:00

Alright, 3, 2, 1. Let's get it. Welcome to another edition, episode 990 of What's Your Problem? The podcast. I'm so excited, man. We are, what we are 10 episodes away. For those of you who can do math, we're 10 episodes away of a thousand episodes and that's, you know, a thousand episodes just an arbitrary number. You know, it's, it's what a feat it is. I've been doing this since 2017. But it's, it's pretty cool. Um, and it's probably the most prevalent thing that I've ever like really stuck to. Um, and it's had its peaks and valleys, that's, that's for sure. But those of you who have rocked with me for a long time, thank you so much for supporting. The podcast, it's had many changes. It started off as the sales life because I believe the skills that we learn in sales are part of life. It's the same skills, communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning and action, productive confrontation. Um, and then it evolved into the Marsh Buice Podcast. I don't know why I named it that, I guess. Because Joe Rogan had the Joe Rogan experience. I don't know. Um, and then it morphed into What's Your Problem? that deal with the three universal problems we all have. Adversity, uncertainty and complacency. So you need the skills to handle the adversity, embrace uncertainty, and never settle again. Beat that complacency back. And those skills, ironically, are what the skills started off with in the Sales Life, communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning and action, and productive confrontation. I get such a joy in being able to bring these episodes. I wish I could bring more of them. Definitely want to. Um, they, they help me., And I turn on the microphone because I feel like that if I'm going through something, then maybe this will help someone else too. I don't feel like that we're all unique, that we're the only ones that are experiencing something. So me sharing in these episodes. Not only, you know, contributes, but also the more I explain it, the better I understand it. So it's a selfish benefit on my part because I like to be able to explain things. I'm not explaining it to you, I'm explaining it to me. So that's why I bring these episodes. These episodes are for me. Um, I contribute to you and I hope that you can use 'em, but some of these you may listen to, you're like, nah, that ain't me. Cool. That's why there's almost a thousand of 'em that you can go through. So you can just go to this, to the next one or wait for the next one, or you can go to some older ones. So I try to keep these episodes pretty short, uh, because I know you got a lot going on. So I wanna get you in, get you out, and get you on with your life. So I'm reading a book right now. By Roxie Nafousi Hopefully I said her name right. And it's, the name of the book is called Confidence. So as soon as I, I mean the, the title, the, the book cover is just black and white. It's just a black cover that says confidence on there. It's super simple and, and the, the way. The book cover was, it, it instantly drew me in very simple, very captivating. Eight, eight steps to know Your Worth. And I believe we all suffer in some form or another of confidence. But there's a section that I want to read to you for context about self-discipline and what self-discipline is. And it really, you know, I read for ideas. When something like snags my soul, I'm like, whoa, hold up. And it really made me re-look at self-discipline in a different light, and maybe it'll help you as well. So let me read to you what she wrote. She said, self-discipline isn't about punishment or strict control. I always thought it was, it's not about that. It's an expression of self love. Self-respect. I was like, bro, I've never even seen it like that. I've seen it as self-discipline, as punishment, as strict control, because I did, I've always seen it as, as like a, as punishment. So I've, I've seen it as that, as rigid and it, it was more so like a weapon. Instead of a tool, she says it's a tool. She said, practicing self-discipline, practicing self-discipline, seeing self-discipline as a practice, practicing self-discipline tells us that our goals, our health and our wellbeing. Wellbeing being all five F's, your faith, your family, your fitness, your finances, your fulfillment. Your wellbeing and all those areas are worth the effort. It's worth the effort. So it's a form of self-love, of self-respect that everything that you're doing for your goals, your wellbeing, your health, it's worth it. Like what you're doing, it's, it's worth it. And you know, it's almost like you're casting a vote. Of the person that you wanna become or that you're becoming, let me say that not want to become, because want to become is like, seems so far out there. You're just casting a vote or reinforcing through an act of self-respect and self-love. Never saw self-discipline that way. Always looked at it like David Goggins, beat yourself up. You're, you know, you're a POS. Get after it. That's how I've always seen it. I mean, I, I guess probably from my sports background, but she says, when you look at it as a practice, the effort that you take you're prioritizing what truly matters. She goes on to say that self-discipline is about making choices that align with our long-term goals. And staying committed because we, we believe we're worthy of a life filled with joy, success and love isn't that all of us. And I think sometimes we don't feel that we're worthy of joy, of success, of love. And proof positive is because we use self-discipline as a weapon. Not a practice of self-love and self-respect, and I'm gonna prove to you how that, how that could be happening for you. When I read this, I'm like, oh my God, I, I didn't see it like this. And there were some things that I've done that have put myself in these jams. To really practice self-discipline, but in the wrong way. So she says, self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And you think about anything that you've succeeded in, like the times that you've been disciplined in your life, you've practiced self-discipline. Think about those and how strong you've got in these certain areas. Only to give it back later on. Reading this context right here, put a total different spin on how I looked at self-discipline. It's an expression. If something is an expression, it's an effort. Okay? It's an effort. It's a casting of the vote of self-love and self-respect. When I see it as an expression, it is not all this woowoo because if she says self, it probably, I probably would've even paused on this. If she would've written self-discipline is self-love and self-respect, I, I probably wouldn't have even stopped. But when she said it's, it's a conscious effort, it's an expression, it's a practice. Of self-love and self-respect. That is the thing that gave me pause. I'm like, I have never seen self-discipline that way. Self-discipline is not a form of punishment. As a matter of fact, the lack of self-discipline is a form of punishment. Think about that because you put yourself, let me, let me prove it to you. Do you look at self-discipline as a form of punishment? You may. You may, and not even realize it. Writing this out made me realize it. This is why I say you should read and then you should write your interpretation. You free flow, your thoughts. I've been working on this for a few days, just kind of, I wrote it all out word for word at first, and I just put the pad aside and let it slosh around for a couple of days and then I came back to it today and was like, what does this mean to me? Okay. Sometimes that's what you do. You sometimes writing is like a good steak, you gotta cook it, and then you gotta let it sit and let it marinate. And sometimes that's what we have to do in life. So back to my point, you may not realize that you use self-discipline as a form of punishment. Let me show you how you may do this. I saw it as soon as I wrote this out. I saw it in myself. I am a come from behind kind of guy. I procrastinate. I get to the very edge of something and then I don't know what it is. I just seem to thrive. Okay? That is a good skill to have. That is not a good blueprint in life. One reason why I'm attracted to sales, I've been in sales for 28 years. One reason why I have been so successful in sales is because I thrive. On the pressure cooker last minute situations, this probably goes back to my playing days in college football where there was no timeouts left, final drive, fourth and four. And had to, keep the drive alive by getting a first down. And I never wilted under those pressures. It was like, oh, let's go. And so in sales, that is transferred very well to me, but also. It's a good, like I said, it's a good skill to have, but it's not good to put yourself in those situations. And what I realized is when you look at self-discipline as a weapon, you end up unconsciously not even knowing it. You end up putting yourself behind the eight ball. You put yourself in these pressure cooker. Have to come from behind jam kind of situations. Now I gotta work out of it, but strangely, that's the time that I've come alive and I'm like, oh, let's go. So, you know, specifically, let me just, the, the two areas that really resonated for me may resonate for you is your fitness and your finances. So I have put myself. In debt many times. Dude, I've, I've done this a hundred times. It's just this big loop. You, you, you put yourself in debt, you get in this hit the wall moment, and then you're like, oh, okay. And then you get real hardcore, real disciplined, and you work yourself out of it. Same thing in fitness. Dude, I've been 285 pounds. Okay? I've been 189 pounds. I've been all over the place. I mean, there are different chapters in my life. So obviously I have proven to myself that I can lose a hundred pounds and I've never done it with shots or pills or anything like that. Just self-discipline, goggin style, like get after it only to get to a place and then give it all back or give a lot of it back. In my fitness and finances, I've done that because I used it as a weapon, not a tool. And so you put yourself in this situation, but the problem with that great skill to have, the problem with that is you're so exhausted that you end up getting complacent. You're exhausted. You let up. You ease back up, you ease back into the old life, you revert back to 'em, you get yourself in this jam again, and then you come alive. Does that sound familiar for you?'cause it, I, when I read this, I'm like, oh my god, it, it's really a form of self abandonment and self-sabotage. It is. And I use both of those words. Differently because sometimes I haven't felt worthy of success. Self-sabotage. Sometimes I felt woe is me. Selfa, abandonment, not loved, not appreciated, not gonna be anything in life. Kick the can down the road. Self abandonment. I've abandoned myself in those situations. So when you look at self-discipline as a practice. And like casting the vote of, of form of self-love and self-respect. It's not these huge leaps and bounds that you have to, to do and be. So I want to give you a few things that I'm gonna practice on, but it's bringing an awareness to it in hopes that you'll use self-discipline now as a tool, as a practice. Of self-love and self-respect for yourself. Dude, this is all for you. It's not for anybody else. Other people get to benefit from this, okay? Because you bring a better version of yourself. So the first practice of self-discipline. Is to be proactive. I'm a reactive kind of guy. Come from behind, get yourself in a jam, boom, hit the mark. I can do that. Again, it's a, it's a good skillset to have. It is not a good blueprint in, in life. So the first thing is to be proactive. And the way you do that is a few things. A, just develop a routine. A couple of things that you do that reinforce that are in alignment with your goals, with your wellbeing, with your health, in your faith, your family, your fitness, your finances, your fulfillment, okay? Just a few things that keep you in alignment with those things that you're just consistently feeding that every single day. Now, the reason why I'm not proactive or don't really like proactive measures is because proactive is is boring. It is. I like the pressure, which is why I got into the sales. I like some people just splatter on that. They don't like that I do. So you could be proactive. So I've gotta be proactive. But also I can harness the reactive nature in myself, but that way I don't jack my nervous system up. See, you jack your nervous system up if you're constantly in stress mode trying to dig outta certain situations. So now what I can be is, is I can be proactive. And harness the reactive nature. By being spontaneous. You can be spontaneous, just don't be reactive. So you can use some spiciness, some all of the sudden, but I'm already proactive. I'm already ahead of things and I, I hate, what, what's crazy is I thrive on. Reactive nature. I thrive on coming from behind. But bro, it stresses me out. I'm like, oh my God, how do I keep getting this situation?'cause I put myself there. Be proactive, be ahead of the curve. Okay? The second way to practice self-discipline is to anticipate triggers. Anticipate 'em. What are the environments? What are the people that cause you to. Revert back that cause you to either self- abandon or self-sabotage yourself that cause you to get way off the road, anticipate these things, try to stay away from 'em, or minimize those, those areas. And if you can anticipate this, you know you're going into this environment, then you keep an awareness. Uh, a vigilance about you that I'm gonna practice self-discipline, self-respect, self-love, not gonna sabotage. They can do all that. I'm not doing that. Okay. So anticipate the triggers We all have triggers, we all have things that we just reactively do. Uh, situations, moments, environments. Hell, bro, you can go home to your childhood home and boom, all of a sudden you're doing the same bullshit you did 30 years ago with fellas that are still hanging on the corner. It happens. So anticipate these things can't make it. That's, that's the best way to be. So that's the second thing. The third way. I want you to think in the, in the form of self-discipline, of casting a vote of self-love and self-respect is, think of lanes and guardrails. A lane on a highway, your lane that you're going in is 12 feet wide. I don't just naturally know this. I'll look this up. It's 12 feet wide. The lane is not just big enough just for your vehicle, like you have no margin. Your lane is wide enough to not only have your vehicle in the lane, but also has some flexibility while going down that that road. That's what your life is. Your life is. A lane. It's got some flexibility, so it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be rigid. Your thought process is, I just gotta stay in the lane. Because if you get outta that lane. And veer off. You're gonna hit the guardrails. The goal today is to stay in your lane. Have that flexibility. Enjoy life. Just don't self-sabotage. Don't self abandon yourself. Don't hit the guardrails. An interesting thing about the guardrails. Guardrails are there to protect you. They will damage you. They won't kill you. So they're meant to cause damage, but not to the point where it kills you. The guardrails in your life are these moments where you get yourself behind the eight ball and it's these wake up moments all of the sudden now you're 50 pounds overweight or a hundred thousand dollars in debt. And you're like, oh my God. All of a sudden you hit the guardrail. Okay, so they caused some damage. You gotta dig out of it. You get behind the eight ball, you probably come alive, but that's at a reactive state. Jacks up your nervous system. But again, it's good tool. It's a good skillset, I should say, to have. You prove to yourself that you can come from behind. We just don't wanna stay that way. You don't wanna live your life that way because if you don't do something different, you're always gonna be this way. So if you look at it as lanes and guardrails, my job is to not hit the guardrail. Enjoy life, stay in the lane. Stay self-discipline. See, this is different when you look at self-discipline because sometimes man, you just shy away from self-discipline 'cause you're like, man, I'm just not disciplined. I just fall into the Lay's potato chips every single time. It's because you're looking at self-discipline as a form of punishment of, uh, rigidity. Versus a practice of self-love and self-respect.. So three things I want you to be thinking about. Be proactive, but harness the reactive nature. Okay? So be spontaneous, not reactive. Anticipate the triggers. And then lastly, think of lanes and guardrails. Just stay in your lane. Don't hit the guardrail. All right, let's get outta here. Keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough. Peace.