A conversation with JJ Flizanes: Identifying your obstacles to success in weight loss, health, money, career, and relationships

A former actress and long-time personal fitness coach, JJ Flizanes has focused these last few years on helping people identify the reasons that they often fall short of their goals, goals such as weight loss, enjoying successful relationships, success at work, or just finding happiness. Through her several popular podcasts that include Fit 2 Love and Spirit Purpose and Energy and her books, JJ helps people identify the obstacles to success and how to manage or correct them to finally achieve the goals you desire. JJ is especially adept at identifying the internal dialogues that people conduct with themselves that often result in self-sabotage, dialogues that many are completely unaware of. In this episode of Defiant Health, JJ therefore describes her unique approach that she also shares in her book The Invisible Fitness Formula. 

For more about JJ Flizanes:
JJFlizanes.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jjflizanes

Invisible Fitness, the book, on Amazon:

Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight & End Body Shame

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Doctor, I have a question

William L Hoover, II, M.D. and Gordon L MacPherson, Medical Media Producer, will dig...

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

A former actress and longtime personal fitness coach, jj Flizanes has focused these last few years on helping people identify the reasons they often fall short of their goals, goals such as weight loss, enjoying successful relationships, successful work or just finding happiness. Through her several popular podcasts that include Fit to Love and Spirit, purpose and Energy, as well as her books, jj helps people identify the obstacles to success and how to manage or correct them to finally achieve the goals you desire. Jj is especially adept at identifying the internal dialogues that people conduct with themselves that often result in self-sabotage dialogues that many are completely unaware of. So in this episode of Defiant Health, jj therefore describes her unique approach that she also shares in her book, the Invisible Fitness Formula.

Speaker 1: 1:01

I also want you to consider supporting the sponsors of this Defiant Health podcast Paleo Valley and Biodicuest. Choosing high quality products to support your health journey is important. This is why Paleo Valley is a supporter of my Defiant Health podcast. Their grass-fed, pasture-raised beef sticks, for instance, are fermented, unlike nearly all other beef sticks. If you haven't tried their pasture-raised pork sticks, you're in for a treat, as they are irresistibly delicious and Biodicuest also a sponsor of this podcast provides unique probiotic products that, in my experience in the experience of the followers of my program are unlike all other probiotics, as they are crafted using the scientific insights of academic microbiologist Dr Raul Kennell, an innovator in the concept of collaborative effects among microbes.

Speaker 1: 1:54

Welcome, jj, great to have you back. I've been on your podcast, you've been on mine, we've gone back and forth and learned from each other, but I've always loved your message of removing obstructions to people's success, whether it was financial or relationships or weight loss, whatever. And then, of course, you've written or re-released your book, the Invisible Fitness Formula. So I wanted to get an idea where this all came from and what motivated you to write this book in the first place.

Speaker 2: 2:22

Well, thank you, it's a pleasure to be back. I always enjoy speaking to you. An hour is never enough time and I know you probably keep your podcasts less than an hour. I probably want it to stretch you out a little bit longer than maybe you're comfortable with. But love our deep, intricate conversations. I think they're all very important.

Speaker 2: 2:37

And back in 2017 is when I published the first version of the Invisible Fitness Formula Five Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame, because I was already starting to I'd start the podcast in 2017, in 2014. So in 2014 is when I launched Fit to Love. And then in 2016 is when I branched out from Fit to Love into five other shows, including Spirit, purpose and Energy. So in 2016, I really learned that people were craving me to move in the direction of emotion, of attraction, energy, frequency, happiness, again getting blocks out of the way, emotional roadblocks out of success and abundance and money and the whole thing. And so, as I was going down that path and really, really wanting to talk about and those of you that have heard me before either on Dr Davis or Shara, on mine, I mean I was talking to all of my clients my weight loss, personal training clients about their emotions. Because I'd have somebody who was I'd be there twice a week giving them a great resistance training workout. They would do their one or two, three days of cardio. Whatever they would do, we would track their heart rate. We would make sure it was an efficient use of time.

Speaker 2: 3:42

But there are parts of your brain that aren't the disciplined parts of your brain, right. So we have our sort of our left brain part that says I'm going to be disciplined and I'm going to do the work and that's what gets you to make the right choices about what you're eating. But then there are other parts of your brain, your right brain, holds all the emotions. And so, let's say, you get triggered and you're really sad or you're really mad and you don't know how to cope with your emotions. What do you do? What do you drink them? So people kind of fall off the wagon. It's natural if you don't know how to deal with your emotions. So to me, the emotional conversation was always part of this whole package, because you can do the best exercise and have the best diet, but if you don't know how to deal with your triggers, you don't know how to heal the wounds of your emotions, your beliefs, then when you get triggered, it's a crap show Whether or not we're going to be able to stick through and white knuckle through all of the ways that we discipline ourselves in our eating and our exercise in our, in our habits.

Speaker 2: 4:34

So I had always been talking to my clients about the emotional piece. But of course, I had a lot of men and I had a lot of successful entrepreneurs and business owners who are too busy to focus on their emotions or to actually take time. They don't think it's valuable. So you know I'm talking to an audience that isn't really interested in this work. So, as I know that I'm moving away from, I'm moving away from the physical sciences. It's important and to me, epigenetics and quantum physics is above all of the physical sciences. It influences how our body reacts to things. So that's where I want to go. And but I've done.

Speaker 2: 5:08

I've been a personal trainer for 25 years at this point, so I thought I've learned a few things. I've been in this business a long time. I've been very successful with my clients. I'm a very good personal trainer. It's why I stayed longer than I should have, because I'm excellent.

Speaker 2: 5:22

I have all the components, the biomechanics, of the thing that keeps your joints from wearing down. Oh my gosh, that was so hard to let go of, because we all understand break pads. Your break pads wear. It's part of what happens when you drive a car. Well, your joints have break pads, it's your cartilage but you only get one set. So the exercise you do can either degenerate your break pads sooner or can help Like if you do exercise in certain ways, you can prevent that from happening.

Speaker 2: 5:51

I had a 70 year old client who went to a physical therapist after working with me for a couple of years. I forget what happened to him. There wasn't anything major, but when he went they looked at him and he had a lot of cartilage. They were actually very surprised and all the exercises that I had done with him they were giving to him. So he's like, yeah, I knew you're on to something. So I helped preserve his joints longer by the biomechanics and the focus that I have on that.

Speaker 2: 6:13

So that's kind of why it was hard for me to leave, but I thought I want to honor my time as a trainer. I want to be able to sit back and look at 25 years of what do I think is the most successful and what is the order in which people want to do the things in order to get the best results. So, knowing that the majority of people were not going to start with the emotions, I came up with the five secrets to release weight and end body shame. So my book is called the Invisible Fitness Formula Five Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. This is the second edition. It won't have this not-for-resale stripe on it, so, other than that it looks like this, it has red on it. That's how you know. It's the new book and I recorded an audiobook to go along with it. So it's the Invisible Fitness Formula.

Speaker 2: 6:55

Invisible Fitness is the name of my company and I wanted to just sort of boil down what I thought anyone could follow in terms of the steps and the order in which to do them. That's very, very important. I am very methodical. I am very scientific. I used to give my clients exercise routines to do on their own and be surprised when I'd say did you do it? They said, yeah, I did a few of them and they'd like I write them one, two, three, four, and they do like the third one or the tenth one. I'm like hold on Now, I literally wrote it as a prescription, you're supposed to do it in the order, in the way that I wrote it. That's why I wrote it that way. So this is a prescription, if you will, of what I think is the most important things, in the order in which they need to be taken care of to have the most success with releasing weight and ending body shame.

Speaker 1: 7:38

So this is not a physical exercise program, right? It's something entirely different.

Speaker 2: 7:42

Well, physical exercise is one of the five steps, of course, but it isn't the first step. Actually, it's the second step. So I wanted to boil down all of the and I had been doing the podcast at that point for three years and all the information talking about all the things that we've been talking about, like when I went back to revisit redoing this book, and the reason why I did it was because the publisher that I was working with sort of changed hands and I didn't really like what was happening and so you couldn't get my book if it wasn't used recently. And I thought, well, let's fix that. And not to mention, I'm writing another book.

Speaker 2: 8:15

And I thought, well, I should probably do the audiobooks. Like, I have a podcast, might be nice to have an audiobook to sell to my audience of listeners. And so all of that meant I just looked at it and thought, let me go through it again. And as I was reading it and editing it and recording it, I was surprised by how much of the information is still relevant today. Again, it's going to give you the basic steps, it's going to give you the basic information, but, of course, come back to the podcast to get up to date information to get the next level of information. But this is still today what I would recommend to anybody who's been struggling with weight loss resistance, with being able to deal with body shame and weight loss, but from a broader perspective and a long term commitment to health, not a short term commitment.

Speaker 1: 8:59

Can you give us an idea what these steps are?

Speaker 2: 9:01

Absolutely so. The first one surprise, surprise is about your gut and about your digestion. So if you have digestive issues, as I'm sure all of your audience knows and all of your people, then we're not going to get too far. We have to sort of deal with that heal, that. Look at that. And for a lot of people and I don't go too deep into getting tested and things at this point I'm just talking about food elimination diets and really just trying to remove some food and reduce some of the inflammation.

Speaker 2: 9:27

It's funny my neighbors we had a very fun holiday season around here and so the neighbors who aren't big health people are on a diet and so I didn't want to say anything. When the wife I had asked her you know I think Doug had asked her how's it going and she was well, I lost eight pounds in two weeks. And in my head I thought, right, most of that's water. You didn't lose eight pounds of fat in two weeks. But to her, so this is really successful, I've lost eight pounds, eight pounds. But the majority of people, when they are looking at the scale and there's even a chapter called divorcing the scale, because again I think it's a very unhealthy thing that we do is to decide to step on this thing that's going to tell us a number that we then take and make it mean something. We make it mean that we've been good or bad, or we're good looking or we're not good looking, or we're worthy of love or we're not worthy of love, and so I think it's a very, very dysfunctional, not helpful overall. Yes, it's a way to measure engage, but the way that we approach the scale is completely dysfunctional. But so she's looking at this eight pounds and I'm thinking, well, it wasn't fat, but I don't want to tell her that. I don't want to discourage her, but it isn't fat. And so I'm looking at how do we? I've gone through programs of people over the course of. I took, I did a three month program. It was online, I had clients all over the place and you know and I this is how I did it. I did.

Speaker 2: 10:43

We're going to deal with your food first. I never made them diet, I never made them count calories, I never made them do right. They didn't have to follow any specific meal plans. We just looked at what foods do you crave, what foods do, I think, irritate you? Let's try to replace them or cut them out and all of a sudden they're not having any more cravings, they are losing weight, they're sleeping better, all the same signs. So again to me, looking at digestion versus what food plan should I be eating? What kind of food should I be eating? Was more important and needed to be taken care of, because of course, you can lose weight without exercising. But ultimately that won't last too long either, because your metabolism over time will change.

Speaker 1: 11:21

Is there a common thread in your diet prescriptions that most people will follow and works?

Speaker 2: 11:26

Well, I go gluten free, of course, and dairy free, because I was more dairy free at the time. I'm not as much now. I kind of go in and out the jury's out on that, because when you go more grain free, like I would like to enjoy my foods, I'm like, I'm looking at things that taste good, I'm like, and dairy tastes good, but my system doesn't really like it very much. It doesn't overreact, but it doesn't really digest it well. So I know that's also a gut issue. But looking at I'll just say, you know, looking at vegetables, adding more vegetables, of course, and probiotics, of course, and more fiber, of course, and gluten free, and looking down the range of grain free.

Speaker 2: 12:02

I have a client who she's been with me for, let's say, 2011. So we've been 12 years now. She's been my client for 12 years and when I first started working with her, she was seeing a therapist at the time and I'm sure she's listening or watching. She was with a therapist and they were dealing with food addiction and like overeating food addiction. But the therapist and the methods which work but they're again, they're based on controlling environments, controlling people, controlling stimulus, controlling, you know, environments that you think are dangerous for you and I, and that really helped me learn how to do things differently and look at how actually we heal. To me I've my quote is healing is when you're different in the same situation. You can't control circumstances all the time. To me, you are healed when you act and feel differently in the same situation. Not avoid it so, because then you give your power away. But this client? So I worked with her as a personal trainer for many years, but in the first couple years two to three years she lost 100 pounds and she only worked out twice a week. And her stories in this book she only worked out twice a week. So what we did was manipulate the program because most people think in order to lose a lot of weight, I have to, I have to really like many hours, I have to go extreme. And we didn't do any of that. In fact, she didn't even follow any kind of super diet program at all. It was more of looking at when she did her exercise, how she did it, when she got stronger and plateaued, how we make it harder. We did, we played with all of the things, but it came off slowly and she kept it off for a very long time. Now it came back on later in life when she, her parents, both had died and she was dealing with the stress of that. But I believe that's because in the therapy part we didn't actually learn how to deal with the emotion, we just learned how to control situations and circumstances. But back to the success story of that, which is that she was able to lose 100 pounds in a couple of years, only working out twice a week.

Speaker 2: 13:55

So I bust the myths of all of the things that people think they need to do in order to get massive results. So, going back to the food conversation, if somebody isn't willing or ready to give up all grains, right then where do we start? Well, let's start with gluten free. If someone's not willing to give up all dairy and again, I'm not willing to give up, give up anything, because I love food. I'm a Greek Italian for crying out loud. So what I do is replace. But until somebody either wants to cook, learns to cook, or wants to buy it, how do I satisfy this craving that I have with a healthier version? I'm the queen of that. That's why I started the podcast.

Speaker 2: 14:29

I have cooking videos on Fit to Love. So if you go to my YouTube channel jadefilzanetv. It was called Easy, paleo, gluten and Dairy Free Cooking. Easy was the term. Okay, how do I go shopping? How do I make things that are healthy, easy and delicious? And that is what I did for the first couple of years of the Fit to Love podcast. So it's really looking at all the different ways we can manipulate this information and how to do it.

Speaker 2: 14:51

And I start off with the Food and the next thing, of course, is the exercise and and I wanted to Address that when you reduce inflammation, you reduce cravings. And since that's the thing that most people Don't understand, when they want to dye it like I think they're going like low fat, I'm thinking, oh my god, don't do that. You know the fat. I didn't say anything. No one asked. They're not asking, so they're not listening, but they know what I do. If they want some information from me, they'll ask me, but in terms of and you know this, of course, you teach this that if we have inflammation and it's food related and it's going to cause cravings, and I had to look at over time how much of this is psychological and how much of this is biochemical. And there's a huge part of this biochemical that, when we reduce inflammation. We, we, I had the experience with pizza, so Notice everybody if you're listening or watching that I said the word pizza.

Speaker 2: 15:40

What happens to you? Did you start to salivate? I used to salivate at the thought of pizza and then, after going gluten-free for a month, I lost six pounds in a week because it was water weight. And then I went buy a pizza place and I didn't salivate. I thought that was so unique and interesting. I'm like, oh my gosh. Well, psychologically, I can crave it. My body is reacting differently because I'd taken it out of my diet. So that's one of the things I am.

Speaker 2: 16:04

I want to impress upon people when they're looking at how they eat, and Not everyone's going to be willing and ready to start with getting rid of everything or learning how to replace everything. I take people through a step-by-step process of what a food elimination diet looks like and how to do it, and I offer again videos and support. I even created a five month program, a video program, to go along with this. It was called the Invisible Fitness Formula transformation, and so you could go so that way, each section of the book, rather than reading it, you could do it, and and that was an important piece because that's what I focus on now.

Speaker 2: 16:36

I don't just teach information. I do three, six or twelve month programs of people so you can embody it. You can deal with what happens when you get triggered or it's uncomfortable for you because otherwise learning information Does not change your behavior or your habits until you integrate it into your daily Living, which takes time. You're not going to learn something today and then all of a sudden change your whole life tomorrow, even if you want to do that, if you're going to have to, over time, test it out, create neural pathways, create neural plasticity in your brain In order for those things to shift and for them to change.

Speaker 1: 17:11

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Speaker 1: 18:46

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Speaker 2: 20:02

so back in 2001, when I started my company, I Worked with with the best branding I love, jack. Shout out to Jack, if you're still alive, I'm Jack, you're amazing. And when we talked about what my specialty was as a trainer so go back to this is me as a trainer and I said, well, most trainers and again, I was much younger than I am now but I was still extremely passionate about I only mentioned the age thing because I was it was like misplaced. I was a young person really, really, really interested in your joints and the biomechanics of your joints and the things I explained earlier about the brake pads. I Was looking at people and it's very easy to do just look around. Look around at people who are aging and Aging well and people who are aging and not aging well. You're looking at your future. What you do today is going to impact what happens to in five or ten years from now.

Speaker 2: 20:55

If you're someone who exercises sort of without understanding how to apply Resistance to the body in a safe and effective way for your muscles and your joints without putting your joints at risk, which most people don't know I got super excited about biomechanics. I could see like, when I look at a body, I'm looking at the biomechanics. I'm looking at where the force is is hitting the, the joint, and whether or not the position of the joint is going to be able to Receive that force well. Or if I'm going to pull a muscle or I'm going to wear down my brick like like walking lunges. I'll just give you a good example. I hate walking lunges. They're dumb. Let me tell you why they're dumb because if you're looking to build muscle, that first of all, there's no reason we need to walk and do this motion. There's no thing in life that we walk and do this motion. Okay, now, most of exercise doesn't mimic life anyway. So there's a reason to do some things, but you're, you're the compression and what happens to when you, when you rub your bones together, that wears down your joints. So we have compression, which is normal. We all live in gravity, but when you move, with it right, and now we have Translation. Translation is another science or another another force in your joints Train. We don't want translation. Translation is rubbing it in this direction. Compression, fine, translation, not awesome.

Speaker 2: 22:13

So when we're looking at resistance training, my goal for you to do resistance training is to build your skeletal muscle, to get Hypertrophy to make the muscle more dense yes, stronger, but more dense, because it's going to increase your metabolism. It's gonna increase your resting metabolism. It's gonna increase your working metabolism. It's going to increase your bone. It's going to help you not get injured, because you'll be able to do things in life and not lose muscle strength.

Speaker 2: 22:39

So if I'm looking to build muscle, there is a way to do it. There's a physiological way to apply force to the body to get the desired result that you want. And most people don't know that either. So they're doing little weights like women. Oh, I don't want that big of a muscle. So I'm gonna pick up little weights and do lots of times I'm like, well, you're not gonna build any muscle that way because you're not gonna adapt, because you can do it if it's easy, then you, your body, doesn't need to change.

Speaker 2: 23:04

Let me say that again with exercise, if you can do it and it's easy, there's no need for the body to adapt into anything better. Your exercise routine needs to stimulate you into failure, controlled failure, with good Biomechanics, so you don't wreck your joints. So this was sort of the combination of, of Making sure that when someone's doing a program, that they understand all these components right. So so that was why you see how geeked out again I get, geeked out about biomechanics and preserving your joints. And again, I was in my like early 20s. So and I'm talking to people who want to lose weight, they don't care about their joints. You know, cares about their joints, people with joint problems, that's who cares about their joints.

Speaker 2: 23:45

So so when I look, when I worked with Jack and we talked about what my specialty was, it was on the things that create the visible. It was all the invisible forces that create the visible and it was making sure that, regardless of whether it was biomechanics or biochemistry or, at this point, everything else underneath that, even epigenetics I mean I grew into this brand very well. It really I can do all the things under invisible fitness. I still obviously have that name because it's a corporation, but invisible fitness formula. It's everything from mental to physical. But all the things that we're talking about, even what you're talking about is invisible. You can't see it. You can't see it's inside the body, it, these are things that are happening, these chemical and electrical and you know, these processes that our body has. It's invisible before it's before it's visible. All this invisible forces and stuff that goes on creates what we see. So I'm looking at what's underneath the hood.

Speaker 1: 24:36

So resistance or strength training is an important component of your, of your approach. How do you do that in the book? Are there specific exercises? Are there specific ways to? If I'm gonna do a lat pulldown, for instance, and that's my way of building back muscles, how do you convey that message? Jj?

Speaker 2: 24:53

Well, on my YouTube channel I have literally the correct form for all exercises for free. So everybody can go to JJ's a ns T TV and go to the fit to love Movement Mondays so playlist, because that's where all of the videos got put in. I also have a, like I said, a program that goes with this that someone can buy and actually follow along, and I get a little bit more specific in there. But if you're just looking for a form, you can go to JJ's a ns TV and and get it for free. But I go over the plan. There's a really simple plan and now I will explain it a little here. But I do want you to get the book. It's called the fit principle and I've been using it forever FITT, frequency, intensity, time and type. This is what you're going to evaluate about your exercise program. You're gonna evaluate your cardio and you're gonna evaluate your resistance training and this is why I was so. I was very successful as a trainer like 50 to 80 percent close rate, because all I had to do was show you the fit principle. I would get people especially again men successful, busy man who said, no, I'm very disciplined to exercise every day or five days a week. I'm like great. And I would go over what they did exactly and I would say and what kind of results do you get? And they look at me and say what results? Well, what results are you getting from your exercise? And because they've been doing the same thing for so long, they weren't getting any more results. In fact, I could even guarantee that they were backsliding because they weren't moving forward. Now, I couldn't, that wasn't the conversation. But then when I went to well, here are some other things that we could change to get you more results. How about we build more muscle? How about you increase your metabolism? How about we increase your bone? How about we fix your knees? I'm like the queen of fixing knees, especially in person, because exercises that people don't do normally are at the gym and they don't understand and at home. I focused on being a personal trainer at home because it was easy to help people with body weight exercises and a lot of things that you can do at home to stimulate new muscles.

Speaker 2: 26:45

Let me tell you one more quick story about a woman that I had. She was well at the time. She must have been in her seventies Crooked oh my gosh, that woman. She just walked very crooked, she was overweight. And of course here's somebody who is overweight and crooked and has pain and when I meet with her, what does she want? Weight loss? I'm like, oh my God, okay. So you're kind of like so the machine is a little broken, it's not put together well and if we make it work harder it's going to keep breaking down. I kind of need to put you back together before we can make this whole thing work harder to lose weight. Yes, and she was like okay, so I had her on the floor doing we were activating the inner thigh muscles, the adductors, and we were doing some core work on the floor. We were doing some quad work. We were doing some, anyway, some hip work on the floor.

Speaker 2: 27:33

Two weeks I come in on the fourth session. So I saw her three times on the fourth session. She walked in and she was walking better. She was like gliding and she was limping before and I said, lee, you look like you're walking better. She goes, I am, she's like it's amazing. Did I build muscle in two weeks? I said no, we activated muscle. What we did was we used your brand to turn on muscle fibers that you haven't used in a while. So now they're turned on, they can help you walk, and she was like, oh my God, that's amazing. So, yes, resistance training is a big part of it, but obviously in this case, in other cases, that's where a trainer and an educated, very well-educated trainer becomes very important for someone to work with for that specific programming for them.

Speaker 2: 28:16

I became known because of the joint situation and because I could handle most injuries.

Speaker 2: 28:20

Unfortunately, I became really well known for people that had like six and seven injuries because I could still work them out and help them get stronger and help them through some of that. But then I didn't want to work with those people because some of those things were stress related and emotional related. So I just focused on the people who had like one injury, like the back pain or the knee pain or the shoulder pain, like I can work with those and then helping people sort of rehab through that and not everybody, but a lot of people, especially a lot of men with knees. Don't ask me if I can't show you right now, but a lot of exercise that I can say help to help people's knees. But I do have them on my fit to love or jedifloseinstv. So there are a couple of videos like to help with knees, to help with ankles, to help with maybe not back, but lots of hours and hours and hours of free content. You guys can go through to see all the exercises.

Speaker 1: 29:06

Now I know you have a special interest In an era I'm very lax about and that is identifying obstructions or impediments to success. Can you give us some red flags so that you see that, tell you somebody is blocking their own success?

Speaker 2: 29:21

Are we talking about in weight loss and in health, or just in life in general?

Speaker 1: 29:27

Both.

Speaker 2: 29:28

Okay, well, again, even today is hard for me to go to the gym I mean, we were there yesterday because I look around and I wanna scream. I wanna scream at these people who are doing things and they really don't know what they're doing and they're either gonna hurt themselves or they're not gonna get the results that they want. Because it used to be my job, it was very easy for me to go hi. Can I ask? I'm the trainer. Can I ask a question? What do you hope to get from this exercise, this very specific machine that you're on and the way that you're doing it? Do you know how many people can't answer that? Most people can't answer that. They would say, oh, because I'm supposed to, or because that's what he told me to do, or because I saw that other guy and he looks good and so I'm following what he's doing. But, like, there's a lot of science that goes into your exercise routine and so some of the red flags would be, if you don't take that into consideration and ask the right questions Over the years, I would laugh at people. Not laugh at them, but like laugh at the fact that people would go to like, let's say, a Pilates class or a Hatha yoga class and they would expect a lot of weight loss. And I'm like why would you expect a lot of weight loss in a Hatha yoga class, which is the easiest, simplest, low key, low impact exercise? Half the time you're stretching and laying on the floor, like why would you think you were gonna get a lot of weight loss from that? Well, because it's exercise. Because I spent an hour outside of my house taking a class. Well, all classes aren't the same, just like all calories aren't the same. So we have to look at, like, be detailed about your program and find the information, find the sciences about what, ask the very basic question why am I doing what I'm doing and am I getting results? Buy the book, go to page the fit principle page I'll tell you what it is right now and fill it out and see where you're lacking, because I promise that it's this idea that all exercise. Oh, I'm just gonna exercise.

Speaker 2: 31:12

I used to joke that doctors would say to the patients well, just exercise more. I'm like, what the hell does that mean? Just exercise more? That could be anything from taking a walk to running a marathon. Those two things are not the same. Exercise more. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard and the most irresponsible way to tell somebody to get results, because we don't take exercise seriously, like a real science and it is so.

Speaker 2: 31:34

Some of the red flags would be that you just jump from thing to thing to thing and you really never stay put to do a proper plan. I'm telling you and you don't need me necessarily, but the book will help you with this proper plan you will start to think about things differently in terms of your application, of your food for sure, your exercise for sure, and then all the other things that I talk about in the book. So if you're a classic starter and you do all the different programs, all the different things, then there may be something else going on. Now, when it comes to emotionally, if you tend to beat yourself up because you start something, you get results, then you fall off. Don't beat yourself up. You're looking at the wrong thing. You're trying to overcome not loving yourself by losing weight and thinking that's gonna automatically make you love yourself, which is why I do what I do now, which is called rewiring your core wound patterns.

Speaker 2: 32:25

That's my newest program. It's a three month program where people rewire their core wound patterns. We get to the bottom. It's like looking at. To me it's the same application as blood work. You're looking, or a gut test. Here's the data.

Speaker 2: 32:38

Well, what's my data? To look at the things of the foundation of your entire existence that you are living from, the beliefs that were created between the ages of zero, while you were in the womb, up until maybe nine or 10, and then any traumas, major traumas that happened after that that really created your belief about yourself in the world, and the models that you had, and the parenting or lack of parenting that you had, and the wounds that were created by your caregivers. We can't ignore these. That's why, if you go to like therapy for 10 years and nothing's changed, you're not looking at the right thing. We haven't gotten to. How do you so?

Speaker 2: 33:12

Here's what I've been developing over time. It's called the Corwin map and that you know I don't do the Corwin work in this book, but I mentioned that the emotional piece is in there, right, it's like down the line. It's after the physical pieces, because once people deal with their food and nutrition and their exercise and their hormones and they're in balance, now we can tell whether or not something is emotional or biochemical. Now, when you had some results and a little bit of a bigger foundation. Now we're willing to go into the deeper work, potentially. So if you've done all of the physical things, you know where your hormones are and you've seen your doctor and you're great and you're optimally. You know your cortisol, you're all in check with your adrenal hormones, you're not in adrenal fatigue and you're still suffering, it's because your habits and choices are coming from a place of, let's say, from a wounded place of trying to get love and attention. And if you don't ever want to look at that, then you're probably gonna stay in the cycle for a long time.

Speaker 2: 34:06

Because ultimately and I don't mean any disrespect by this who cares? Who cares if you are thin or look good or what? Who cares? A lot of people live just fine. I'm not saying quality of life, but literally who cares? What does that mean for you and for a lot of people, what they look like means whether they get love or not, and that's actually not true. But that's what we're chasing. So the diets and the weight loss programs are often chasing if I look better, someone will love me. If I look better, I will love me. Well, guess what? You have to love you, before you start any of this, to be successful, because otherwise, when it's gonna be a constant, you're constantly in victim mentality and circumstance.

Speaker 2: 34:46

You're in a control situation of saying, well, I gained five pounds, I'm no longer lovable, it's exhausting, which is why people give up and they stop trying. Because they do the thing, thinking, oh, my God, I lost some weight, I'm feeling really good. They get triggered and they go, oh, I'm terrible. Then they eat because they don't know how to sue their emotions or process them. And then they start again. They go okay, I feel better about myself, I'm gonna do another program. Okay, I lost weight, I feel great. I get triggered, oh man again. And then eventually you give up because you think this is a lot of work and it doesn't last. And the reason it doesn't last isn't because you never have a good plan. The reason is because the stimulus and the triggers that you have underneath this your own self-worth issues, your own commitment to your self-care on a much, much deeper level needs to be handled. So that's why I'm doing the work that I'm doing now.

Speaker 2: 35:29

I still do physical things and I asked my community if they wanted to do. You know, hey, do you guys wanna revisit that program I made to go along with this book and they're like, yeah, because they're ready for some physical like attention to their physical again. I'm not saying the physical's not important, of course it is, it's very important. But why you do anything is because you wanna feel better and that's a mental thing that has nothing to do with whether you have high blood pressure or not. You wanting to feel emotionally better is something that we do not talk enough about.

Speaker 2: 35:56

We do not have enough tools for I do, but the majority of the population doesn't get supported in those tools. They think, oh, go to therapy, take some medication. Please don't do the medication piece like, deal with your stuff. Deal with your stuff and it doesn't have to be painful. I've helped people transform their lives in three months, six months. You know they wanna keep. A lot of people keep going cause they feel so good. I get people that say I've never been happier in my entire life after three or six months. So you know, really value the whole part of you, the physical part of you and the emotional part of you.

Speaker 1: 36:27

What does that process look like? Jj, You've got somebody who clearly is booby trapping or self-sabotaging. How do you go about putting your finger on exactly what the issue is?

Speaker 2: 36:38

Well, I have a process the Corbun map. We create a Corbun map and there is an exercise that sort of. It's a six to seven page exercise. It takes about well, depending on how much you can remember. I've got some tools in case you have blocked out some things, to sort of go deep into the subconscious a little bit to allow some of the memories to come up. But if you put down what you can remember and it takes about 30 minutes to an hour and then from that Corbun map, what's so exciting is here's what we extract from it and here's why this is unique and different. So the first thing we extract is your top three Corbuns, and those were the things that you feel because of the way that your caregivers were with you. So maybe you felt devalued, maybe you felt abandoned, maybe you felt ignored, maybe you felt controlled. Okay, so there's some of the Corbuns. We determine what those top three Corbuns are.

Speaker 2: 37:28

Next step we look at so we all understand like electric circuits, right, like you plug something in and the electricity goes from the cord into the machine to make it work. Well, our brain circuits work the same way and when we have a stimulus, that's like the socket being plugged in and then we have a circuit that runs. So we look at what that circuit means and what the pattern is. So the first is when the wound of abandoned gets triggered. What happens next? What does that circuit look like? So we identify the top three emotions. So for a lot of people it's probably angry, sad, frustrated, whatever we fill in the blanks and we figure out. But it's all based on extracting the information from this one exercise that you do. So we look at the top three. So it's the wound, then the emotion and then your go-to reaction. And that could be something like I withdraw, I eat, I overeat, I spend money, I fight back, I become rebellious.

Speaker 2: 38:25

And once we understand the beginning of the map, here's what the circuit looks like. Now we can be able to be aware of it and identify it when we're out in the world as, oh, that just triggered a core wound. So now we get to be an observer and, like, step back a second and see our pattern and behavior and see it for what it is, which is that I trust me when I say everything that triggers you, everything sends back to a core wound. It's not just because your husband or your boss or your kid. I promise, I promise, I promise it stems back to a core wound. So when we understand that now we have something we can do about it.

Speaker 2: 38:57

So after we get the circuit kind of laid out, then we look at if something bad happened to you long time ago and it didn't. And it didn't, yes, it created a circuit in the brain, it created a pattern, but if it was a one-time event it probably wouldn't have the same intensity, if it was just a one-time event. But what happens is because our parents, our situations make us believe that we're not worthy, that I'm devalued, I'm not valuable, we take that on as our reality and then we do things to stimulate those core wounds. So we go back to those top three core wounds and then I ask you, how do you do that to yourself? So let's just I mean again, let's just play a game. Give me a top core wound doesn't have to be yours, but somebody who maybe you see in, if you see in your patients or in your community or things that keep coming up for people. What do you think a top core wound would be?

Speaker 1: 39:49

Me. I see a lot of verbally abusive People who've been verbally abused by somebody might be a parent, might be a spouse and the read I get from that is they feel that they don't deserve to succeed at whatever they're trying to do. Has that been your experience too?

Speaker 2: 40:03

Yeah, so that could be somewhere between devalued, ignored, ostracized, right one of those. So someone that feels that they were devalued, that could equate to want to feel good enough about myself, right? So then I would ask you the question well, how do you devalue yourself? And then we look at the top three ways you keep that core wound alive, and that in itself is very telling. And so this program has continued to keep developing and I've gotten more fine tuning every time I do it. And the rewire came out of after even just that realization for people but most people that's not how they are. The awareness is there, but it's hard to change the pattern. So we need to go in and understand that your brain. So imagine that we have acted. There are certain patterns. The patterns are these core wounds that when I see something, this is how I emotionally react, this is how I react, this is what I believe. Those are really strong in your brain. It's like exercise If you do the same thing over and over again, you get strong in that area and then you do a different exercise and the body goes whoa, what'd you do today? That feels different? Why? Because all of a sudden we activated new fibers. Well in the muscle, but in the brain we need to rewire that in a different direction. But we have to know what we're doing and we have to choose what we're doing in order to be aware of what we're looking at. So, after assessing all the ways that you, the person, keep your core wounds alive, then the next, last and most important step is we choose proactive ways to reprogram a new belief.

Speaker 2: 41:35

Doug and I rented an RV recently well, october and we've never neither one of us has ever been in an RV, traveled with an RV, and I took two of my cats with us. And this was neuroplasticity in like right there, right then. And there the cats, when they got in the RV of course, when it wasn't moving were like oh, what's over here? This is really cool. And but the minute the RV started to move, they were in terror. They went to the bed and they were hiding like in the corner where the window was. They didn't want to see out, they wanted to bury their head. They were traumatized in a way. Okay, very, very scared. Five days we were gone and every time we'd stop the RV they'd be like oh, it stopped and they'd come out and they'd be curious again and checking things out. I even put my cats on a leash Both of them got one on a leash and I walked them outside for a little while to get them excited about going outside. By the end of the trip, they were sitting on my lap while we were driving.

Speaker 2: 42:25

They didn't choose to be there, but we had to stretch their brain. You have to stretch into, you have to do the thing that scares you. You have to do the thing you don't think you can do in order for the brain to go. Oh, because here's what's happening in the brain that whatever that thing is for you okay. It could be as simple as asking your parent if they're proud of you and you might go. Oh, I can't do that. Oh, my God, what if they say no, okay, so that thing. That's what we need to do to repatter the brain.

Speaker 2: 42:53

So the first thing that happens is the brain goes no, no, no, danger, danger, you're gonna die. You're gonna die. Now, most of the things that we're gonna choose are not going to threaten your life. So this is just part of your brain protecting you from doing anything new or different. So once you do it the first time and you get over it. The brain goes oh, huh, I didn't die. Then you do it again and the brain goes wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm scared, it's okay. You do it. The brain goes oh, I'm not gonna die again. You do it again. The brain goes okay, I did this before. It's getting easier. Then you do it again. The brain goes oh, this is kind of cool, I kind of like this. Then you do it again. The brain goes wow, I really enjoy this. So that's how neuroplasticity works, is that you have to push yourself into situations that literally you're afraid of, but we choose very specific things based on your problems.

Speaker 2: 43:37

So things from saying nice things to yourself, things like I pushed one of my recent clients out into the world. She's a chef, she's a private chef. For 20 years she's wanted to do her own thing and I said you're gonna write the bio, you're gonna send the email out to 20 people or more, you're gonna do the blah, blah, blah, whatever. She now has three clients, she's now done, she's now has a business, she's opened up her business, but it took 20 years and me pushing her and her paying the money to be pushed in order for her to commit to it. So and now her self-esteem is more, she's happier, she's nicer to herself, she doesn't talk badly to herself, she commits to all of her self-care. So that's in a nutshell how it works. It's just having a supportive community to do it with, having someone to help you work through what you're going to choose.

Speaker 2: 44:23

It's not just bungee jumping for bungee jumping right. It's like anytime we do something really hard. The first time you're afraid, but then you go, oh, that wasn't a big deal. And then you would do it again and be like, okay, cool, no problem. But we have to get you over the hump, to reprogram the brain to say, no, I am worthy. Oh, no, I am valuable. No, my voice does matter, what I think and what I feel does matter. I am important too. But we have to make those choices proactively about those things in order to rewire the brain.

Speaker 1: 44:49

Can you give us a handful of examples, jj, on the kinds of things that people end up using as obstructions or excuses for not succeeding, so being devalued, you won.

Speaker 2: 44:59

So other core wounds? Well, not feeling this isn't a core wound, well, it kind of is feeling fundamentally flawed. Okay, that's feeling like there's something innately wrong with me. So if I feel there's something innately wrong with me that I'm never going to actually push through because I don't believe in myself, okay, that's one thing Feeling well, like I said, ostracized, devalued, abandoned, ignored, controlled. So what's really interesting about a lot of people that have a control wound is that they're super controllers. They just rebel in the areas where their parents controlled them, but they control on the other side other things, or they control other people, because it's really hard to grow up in an environment where you don't absorb those patterns, energies and behaviors. It's called your. It's like your inherited epigenetics and your inherited DNA, like the lineage, does have power over if you have a parent that doesn't think they're worthy or doesn't, or shows you that it's not, that other people are more important than you are, that you're to always give and never to receive, if you're to be generous but you're not to take anything if you judge money. So I think we blame our circumstances a lot and it comes down to whether we're okay being where we are and even just the act of investing in yourself to do a program, like definitely one of mine, already starts the process.

Speaker 2: 46:17

This client that I was talking to and Karen I'm sure it's Chef Karen she's in New Jersey. You can look her up on Instagram, so she'll be very thrilled that I mentioned her. So when Karen has been in my community for a little while and I did a sort of beta program of this which means it was $1,500 less the first time around she was like, oh no, no, I can't do that because scarcity came in. She's like, oh no, I can't spend that money on myself because she's never spent that kind of money on herself in that way. But she is in the community and she saw people who did it grow and she thought, oh, I'm seeing these people change, so now I'm ready. So she spent $1,500 more, but we'll still tell you what was the best money she ever spent.

Speaker 2: 46:54

So there's that first act of investing in yourself, because if you look at what you spend money on, I'm sure people can find other things that you care less about or that you value equally to or more than Like your emotions, your health and well-being, your quality of life. If you don't value that, then you're not going to be doing any of this, right, but if you want to value that, there are steps you have to take. And some of that whether it be my program or somebody else's your programs just stepping out to say I'm going to invest in this sends a message to your brain as well as the universe. It says I'm worthy of this. And that's what happens. In fact, in this year, my mastermind, one of my clients who did this program last year she has been in business for three years has had one client that has been telling everybody about her and no one has ever called. And all of a sudden, now she's committed my mastermind and somebody's called and she's like no, she's, no one's ever called. I said, well, you stepped up and said I'm ready, yeah, I'm ready to receive, and so now the clients are coming.

Speaker 2: 47:50

So, but that takes you doing the uncomfortable thing. You're not going to sit in your same pattern, in your same energy and expect things to change. It's literally the definition of insanity, right, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. It's called you have to do something different. So this is something that you can do differently. And when it comes to your health and back to the whole picture. There's a lot we have to juggle and there's a lot of things that we ask ourselves to do and sometimes we overcommit. We overcommit to how much we exercise or what kind of food plan we're on or what we're doing for others or what we're doing for ourselves, and we become really depleted and we don't understand why we can't keep going. It's because we think we're robots, but we're humans and what we most of the time set aside is when we have our own self care, when we have our own kind of quiet time, when we have our own value time like what, what matters to you.

Speaker 2: 48:40

I can guarantee that every person on their deathbed with who's conscious will say in fact, I know Brani where wrote a book called the Five Regrets of the Dying. If you haven't read the Five Regrets of the Dying, it's things like I wish I would have been happier. I wish I would have spent more time doing things that made me happy. I wish I would have spent time with people that I wanted to spend time on. I mean, these are. You don't want to get to the end of your life and think what is I working so hard for? Why couldn't I have found a way to do this that supported every aspect of my life.

Speaker 2: 49:09

So if you're out there and you're somebody who struggles with all of it, look at what you've done in the past and see what you've missed. Maybe there's maybe there again. I'm always, of course, on the do the emotional work at the same time as you're doing your health stuff, but if you're dealing with some kind of disease or some kind of well, that's that too. I deal with plenty of cancer patients who's to me. They're reoccurrences of cancer or 100% stress related, because they'll have four recurrences of the same cancer and they have the best, most updated scientific, naturopathic, the whole thing.

Speaker 2: 49:43

They got the whole works Every part of the terrain. They've hit it, except they're repressed emotion in their body. So please just remember that it's the whole package. While I know it can make it sound really complicated, ultimately is really simple when you start to look at the science of all the different things and how you put that into place. So get some help, don't be overwhelmed. Reach out to me or somebody else, dr Davis, join his program and get some support because you're worth it and if you haven't felt like you've had success thus far, that might be part of it is that you need somebody in your corner to be accountable to, to hold you accountable to yourself and to help you love yourself in a new way, so that you can keep doing whatever it is you want to be doing.

Speaker 1: 50:26

And you've come a long way and your career has had multiple phases. Can you give us some idea? How did you go from being a personal trainer and your focus on joint health to this more holistic, emotional, social support kind of message?

Speaker 2: 50:40

Well, because I saw that people who were exercising and doing all the right things would fall off the wagon. Right, it's that story about my clients who would do I mean, I was there twice a week They'd do their cardio, they would be gluten-free whatever They'd do the things, but then they'd want to relax. And how they would how they would deal with their stress is eating and drinking. So if you really want change, you have to look at why, like how do we deal with life differently? And that's where, if you're someone who is super, it's a big red flag for me when someone has a control issue. That's why I never really related to the whole personal training and fitness industry, because all control freaks, this whole idea of like there's no flow, that's not how we work, that's how part of us works, but that's not how we all work. That's why it'll never go away. That's why the fitness industry will always make a ton of money, because you're appealing to the control side of people, to the discipline side of people, to the left brain side of people, but you're not appealing to the right side of people. But we need both of them. We can't do it with just the white knuckling. Be disciplined, do all the right things count. My things make sure I you know you're human, you're a human being and you're a human being before you're doing. And I believe that, especially after, again, all the clients that I've worked with over the years, which is, again, I just asked the right questions. I'm a problem solver, so I come and hear my tools. My tools are the exercise, they're the food, they're the blah, blah, blah, whatever. And then I see someone get results, great. Then I see two other people get results, but then they fall off and they can't get well. Why? What's the difference between them? The difference is what's underneath? What's driving this? What is underneath all this? That's why I wrote Fit to Love. That's my first book which is available. Just don't have an audiobook for that. Fit to Love how to Get Physically, emotionally and Spiritually Fit to Attract Love of your Life. The love of your life is you.

Speaker 2: 52:22

If you use self-care, I don't care what it is, if your discipline is fueled by your self-hate and disgust, you will not succeed. Your inner being knows that you're supposed to love yourself. So every time you punish yourself and you use exercise and restriction to do it, your body will literally reject it because it'll say this isn't right. I shouldn't reject myself because of what it says on the scale. I shouldn't reject myself because I have a few extra pounds. I shouldn't beat myself up and shame myself. Oh, shame is another core wound. I shouldn't shame myself. That's a big one in this industry, right? The shame? Oh, let me talk badly to myself, punish myself and then I'll get it better. That's kind of ridiculous, right? If I was mean to you, would you want to keep talking to me? If I called you names and disrespected you on a regular basis, would you ever return my emails? No, so why do we think that when it comes to ourselves, we can do that to ourselves? That is not how we win.

Speaker 2: 53:21

People flourish and grow in environments where they feel safe, where they feel valued, where they feel loved, where they love themselves. The shame tactics and the blame tactics will not create long-term care and that long-term results. And that was the difference. I didn't want to be in this industry, where you're looking at the fitness models and you're like, oh, this is what I should look. Like, yeah, they're 20. They have. Like they're 20. They don't have to do too much because they have good genetics, right?

Speaker 2: 53:50

Oh, I had a beautiful black man in one of my classes when I was teaching the trainers, I remember G would get up and he showed me his abs. He's like well, jj. I'm like, yeah, whatever, yours is genetics, dude. I know you eat cheeseburgers and you don't like in fries and pizzas and you don't do any cardio, right, because it was genetics. So don't tell me that, because that's what we have to look at our body and say we're all different.

Speaker 2: 54:10

We have to honor and value our uniqueness and our differences and then create a plan, all the plans the food plan, the exercise plan, the emotional plan based on us, based on our unique expression, which I then believe starts with, on the emotional piece, the core wounds.

Speaker 2: 54:27

So if you're looking at someone who's used to being controlled, they're probably going to have and that's why their core wounds is controlled. They're going to have a love-hate relationship with exercise, because they're going to do it for a long time. They're going to fall off. Or same thing with their discipline, with their food they're going to do it for a while and then they're going to fall off because they're going to rebel, because they don't feel free, because it reminds them of their parents, it reminds them of feeling restricted and they want to feel free. We all have a feeling wanting to feel free. It comes out differently, but so it's been over time. I didn't start this trying to find this as the solution. It became a solution when I saw the pattern of all the people who wanted to lose weight being disconnected from the mental, emotional piece that drove their choices in the first place.

Speaker 1: 55:07

Thank you, JJ. You bring a dimension to living and life and loving yourself and succeeding in the things you're trying to do that I've not been very good at providing and you're an expert at providing. So, I appreciate that You're adding a lot of knowledge to my listeners, who may be lacking in this aspect of healthy living. Now, if someone wants to know more about JJ Flizzane's world and thinking what are the best places to go, JJFlizzanecom. Okay, and of course Invisible Fitness.

Speaker 2: 55:36

Well Invisible. Fitness redirects to JJFlizzanecom because I'm not personal training any longer. I work with people differently. Again, I still in a program with anyone 12, 6, or 3 months, would help them with a physical program if need be, but I wouldn't be the trainer. I would help you create the program but I wouldn't help execute it every two weeks, once a week, twice a week, three times a week, whatever, I wouldn't be doing that piece, but I could help put the plan together for you.

Speaker 2: 56:03

In fact, that client that lost 100 pounds was just here this last weekend. She's in my mastermind and she did a two-day VIP with me and we worked on her. You know we worked on her putting back together her fitness plan and where she needs to stretch into a little bit more of these days and looking at her food in the whole nine yards. But again, but she's part of a bigger program. So JJFlizzanecom will take you to all my podcasts. It will take you to my social media. It'll take you to any kind of free gifts that I have on the front page of other classes that you can take. It'll take you to my.

Speaker 2: 56:33

Jjflizzanetv is where all the videos I talked about, all the exercise videos under the Fit to Love Movement Monday playlist.

Speaker 2: 56:41

But yeah, that's it.

Speaker 2: 56:41

And again, I've a ton of content and free resources, so much you will not be able to get through all of it, I promise, because it's at this point, almost 10 years of me pumping out content like I'm an ad person. So, unless you do not work and you have hours and hours to spend, there is plenty to do first to make sure that, if I'm somebody you would like to work with, just make sure of that by diving into the free stuff first before you reach out. Of course, I welcome anyone who's interested to take this conversation further. I just want to make sure you know who I am and what you're getting into and that you understand and feel that it comes from love, not me being bossy or pushy or arrogant or any of those things that I literally am in your corner, but I'm going to be your personal trainer for all of it and push you harder than you're willing to go, even if you scream back at me because it's what you want and you're not willing to do it for yourself. But I'll help you get there.

Speaker 1: 57:31

Anyone who dives into your material will have to agree you have been spectacularly prolific, jj, thanks once again for taking the time to educate my audience and me.

Speaker 2: 57:41

Thank you, dr Davis, it's been a pleasure.