Are you aware of the calling God has on your life?
Our family's dance with the unpredictable rhythms of foster care has been nothing short of a transformative adventure. As we open the doors of our home and hearts, we've been graced with bonds that weave us into the fabric of our community like never before. In this episode, we take an honest look at how fostering has anchored us not only to each other but, more importantly, to our faith in God.
From the quiet whispers of prayer before bedtime to the laughter that echoes through our home, fostering has filled our lives with compassion and strengthened our faith. We've watched our biological children rise to the occasion, building bunk beds and sharing spaces, embodying the very essence of love as Jesus taught us. It's a conversation about the raw and real impacts of opening your life to others and the surprising ways it can draw a family closer, deepening connections and compassion in ways you couldn't have fathomed.
Join us as we recount heartwarming moments of spiritual growth—like the child in our care whose Christmas wish was a Bible and who has now given his heart to Jesus. It's a reflection on the call God has placed on our lives, one that we're eager to continue sharing through our YouTube channel and right here, in the stories we tell and the lives we touch.
Come along, and be part of the story that's still being written in the lives of our family and the children we embrace in our home.
Episode Highlights:
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on A Force to Be Reckoned With:
This show has been produced by Adkins Media Co.
Are you aware of the calling God has on your life?
Our family's dance with the unpredictable rhythms of foster care has been nothing short of a transformative adventure. As we open the doors of our home and hearts, we've been graced with bonds that weave us into the fabric of our community like never before. In this episode, we take an honest look at how fostering has anchored us not only to each other but, more importantly, to our faith in God.
From the quiet whispers of prayer before bedtime to the laughter that echoes through our home, fostering has filled our lives with compassion and strengthened our faith. We've watched our biological children rise to the occasion, building bunk beds and sharing spaces, embodying the very essence of love as Jesus taught us. It's a conversation about the raw and real impacts of opening your life to others and the surprising ways it can draw a family closer, deepening connections and compassion in ways you couldn't have fathomed.
Join us as we recount heartwarming moments of spiritual growth—like the child in our care whose Christmas wish was a Bible and who has now given his heart to Jesus. It's a reflection on the call God has placed on our lives, one that we're eager to continue sharing through our YouTube channel and right here, in the stories we tell and the lives we touch.
Come along, and be part of the story that's still being written in the lives of our family and the children we embrace in our home.
Episode Highlights:
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on A Force to Be Reckoned With:
This show has been produced by Adkins Media Co.
We are at war and it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians or whatever else we feel like we're battling against.
Speaker 2:So the questions are who's the fight against, and are we winning or losing? We're the Adkins, and we are a force to be reckoned with.
Speaker 1:Are you ready to?
Speaker 2:join the force. Okay, hello everyone. Hope you guys are having a great week. A lot of you say that you enjoy our life updates and talking about foster care and we don't know why you want to hear a life update from us. It's a mystery, probably like I said before, it makes them feel better about their own lives, that's true.
Speaker 2:But anyway, like we, the podcast is about families being strong families in this crazy world, and foster care just happens to be part of our journey. We know not all of you are into our licensed foster families or have a desire to be, but it is all something that we should learn about, know more about, because there are kids in all of our areas who desperately need help. So, whether you feel called to be a foster family or not, it's something to raise awareness about and get involved in some way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and in getting involved too, but also just being aware, because I'm sure that they're whether you're, whether you are aware of it or not, your kids may be going to school with kids that are foster kids and maybe playing sports with kids that are foster kids. Yeah, Just gives you a little insight and some of the things that we share about this journey can the principles can translate into other areas too.
Speaker 2:Right Totally, and so we are combining our foster care updates and life updates and we might this, might like shift throughout the year, but for right now we're going to keep our life updates short and sweet. Maybe as we get more open about our finances later in the year we they could become a little bit longer, but for right now we're just going to do a once a month touching like touching base on life, touching base on on that stuff, and then in that episode we'll talk about, like a foster care topic. So, really excited about this episode, it's something I've been living, really we've both been living for the last year. It's something that's become really more prevalent in our own personal lives, this topic in the last like three to four months, and I think it's a really important one. So before we get to that, let's talk about our lives. Are you ready? Kid count, kid count, how many kids do we have right now?
Speaker 1:Three, four, five six very funny. Seven God's number.
Speaker 2:Seven. We still have seven kids, and so it's been going great. I feel like we're well going great. Chaos, which we thrive in. The chaos. It's exhausting. We have a wonderful community right now, which also something I want to talk about YouTube. We have our YouTube channel up and we're going to do more like foster care educational videos on there, so YouTube is linked in our show notes, if you're. If foster care is something you're thinking about or considering or interested in, I would encourage you to subscribe to our YouTube channel because we'll probably do more short segment videos there, talking about our journey and what got us involved there and just like, um, just different things that we've learned along the way. We're by no means experts, but we have been licensed for, you know, about almost a year and a half now and we've learned a lot, so yeah, okay, can I just share two quick stories on this, okay, so one.
Speaker 1:So, speaking of doing foster care and like also people not doing foster care being around us and experiencing things, one of a side coach, my Carter's basketball team and, uh, you know, our foster kiddos and our kiddos are around everybody than around everybody for over a year and a half now. And, um, they were telling me a story that one of the boys uh, I think they were at a gas state. No, they were at school. They were. It was don't drop out of school. When a big van was in front of them, this giant, like wait, they would call here a yoder toter like multi, like nine I don't know how many can fit in there like 10, 11, 12, I don't know, passenger van is in front of them and they were like man who's driving that van which I know who it is driving.
Speaker 1:Do you? Well, one of the little boys goes oh, that could be Carter's family. And they're like oh, it could be. Then the parents are like legitimately, like, oh, that could be them.
Speaker 2:It's like yeah, like some families are like, how do you know when you're done? And for some it's like, well, you know when we're outnumbered, and brothers is like, oh well, when you're tired, and for us it's like when you have to start transition to a 12 to 15 passenger van, that's our cut off.
Speaker 1:You have to purchase a school bus to get your family from one place to the next.
Speaker 2:That's where we draw our line. So we've upgraded to a suburban which we love. We're still short one seat, but it's going great. So we've learned a lot in our foster care journey. Um, right now we still the case is still the goal of foster care is um reunification with biological family. It's still looking to go in that direction and so I think that probably in the next month or so we'll have a really clear timeline as to you know what's going on with that. For, out of respect for Biomom and for the kids, we can't share too too many details, although I we do have a really good relationship with her and I honestly think that maybe in the near future she could come on the podcast and I think she'd be willing to do that.
Speaker 1:So I'm just really excited to share and she's doing really well and it's is, you know, as long as things continue the way that they're looking like they're going to go like. This is the the story, the happy ending that we we wanted and that at one point, we didn't think was even possible. Um and so, but it's. It's still hard for us. You know, these kiddos have been in our life for the past year and a half, so saying goodbye, in the sense of them going from our home is is tough, but it's also happy at the same time, and the really great thing too, is that we still have an opportunity to still be in their lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know it's, it's happy and sad at the same time. So, uh, we just honestly just ask for prayers prayers for our family as we transition, pray for these kiddos as they transition, pray for mom during the transition and that, um, things go well and things go smooth and that she stays on the course and, um, you know, just takes care of herself and takes care of her family, and that everything goes well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so with that, those of you who say that you like these updates, we just feel free to email us. My email is gonna be in the show notes, like if there's anything specific you want us to go a little bit deeper on, that would be super helpful for us, because sometimes for us it feels like we're being really repetitive, and yeah, so that would be helpful. So I guess that's really our life update. Right now, everything's kind of going status quo. It's been so cool to just see God work through the story and, with that, that kind of dives into our topic today, which is what will foster care do to my biological kids. And I don't know if that's what we're gonna actually call this episode, but it's something that's really common and, I'll be honest, it was a fear of mine, it was a fear. Was it a fear of yours?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, there's the unknown.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So backing up, when we Corey and I talked, Corey at first was not on board. We've talked about this before. I think I was getting the nudge about a year before Corey came on board and we spent that year praying about it and talking through it and then finally we ended up making a decision to do it because he also, about a year later, was like all right, it's time to get licensed, and I was like so excited, so gung-ho.
Speaker 1:God had to punch me in the face a few times for that one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that May. We started getting licensed at the beginning of June and then we were licensed in mid-September, so we did it pretty fast. But I just remember, like our home study was complete and there's just this waiting game. The home study is like the last step. Once it's complete, you're just waiting for them to like officially approve you. And I remember those days waking up many nights thinking like holy crap, like this is real. This is one of the last nights that we're gonna have our three biological kids be a family of five and like what have we done? Like I literally would wake up sweating. Like is this the right choice? Is it's not too late? We could still say nevermind, we could back out. Like is this gonna screw them up? Is this gonna be a traumatic experience? Like what is that gonna do to my family?
Speaker 1:And then bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring. Yeah, hey, we got a couple kiddos for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean, and the thing is that that, I think, is a very, it's a very common fear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no.
Speaker 2:Among families and it's a very, it's a very legitimate fear. It's a legitimate fear, because you're stepping into a space of wild unknowns, and even if you can pick the age of the child or you can say no when they call, you still don't know what you're getting. You don't know what you're getting into, and so it is a legitimate thing. So when A legitimate thing.
Speaker 1:And I would just say too, from a logical kind of standpoint, from, like what you just said is you can select the ages, like so anybody that's looking into it there's a when you fill out. You fill out this form and it feels kind of cold in a sense, but there's this form as the what type of kids you're okay with bringing into your home. And I think when you're doing that, like that's the first step of really kind of putting your kid, you need to put your kids as a priority. When you're making this list and yourself, like, if you're like I don't want to, you know, have to take care of babies anymore and get up in the middle of the night and all those things, like you know that could be a thing that you would look at. But then also, like your kids' ages, like do you want kids that are younger than your kids Same age? There's all kinds. I mean they literally break this down to all kinds of options, to medical needs, to trauma types, all these things that you can do, you can fill out.
Speaker 2:And it does feel cold, but it's so important to sit with your spouse and be honest about, like, where you guys are at and what your family can take on, and it kind of I mean it ties into this whole topic of when even considering, should we be a foster family?
Speaker 2:And by no means is this episode meant to say every single person out there is meant to be a foster family.
Speaker 2:And if you're getting ready to shut this off because foster care isn't something that you're, you know, even interested in at all, I would encourage you to stay, because this is a bigger picture.
Speaker 2:This is about foster care, but it's also about, like, discouragement from the enemy, and so when considering becoming foster families, we really do have to weigh all of our options and truly consider what is best for our families. But if fear of ruining your biological kids, like how I felt, is one of those things I would encourage you to ask yourself, is this discouragement from the enemy, because he knows the impact your family will have in this space, or is this truly not the season for you, and only you can answer that? So, like you and your spouse, only you know what's best. So I want to be very clear with that, because some families are in a season of life right now where their biological kids have challenges, they have struggles, they have needs that it wouldn't be wise to bring in kids with additional needs into their family, and there is no shame in that being where you are.
Speaker 2:Like none at all.
Speaker 1:You're stepping into something that is difficult. It is difficult and you need to know that upfront. But at the end and when you're assessing this, like your family may not be in a place. You may have just gone through some trauma, maybe your kids went through some different traumatic experiences, maybe there's some other things that you're dealing with, whether it's financial, whether it's marital. Just adding more onto your plate in that isn't necessarily the best option, unless it's still something that God is calling you to do and that's pretty clear to you. But at the same time, don't let the discomfort discourage you. You know what I mean If that's the only thing we are not called to be comfortable.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:We are called to be uncomfortable. Really, that's how God shapes us and molds us and is through these challenging things and we're called to step into those things. The devil will allure you with comfort.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yes. So I guess the challenge in this, when deciding is this something we do or not, you need to ask yourself are all of my reasons for not fear-based? Because I know for me they were. It was like what could this do to my kids and what could this do to my family, and what if this is really hard? And what if we get a child? That isn't a good fit, and like those are all legitimate, but they are also all fear-based. It wasn't like we don't have the bedrooms space. It wasn't like we don't have the finance. It wasn't that we didn't have the support system.
Speaker 2:So I just want to make it very clear that, whether it's foster care or another decision that you're facing, if fear is the base, at the base of your decision, often I I mean I don't even think that it's. I feel it's truth that the enemy's tactics are to cause fear and confusion and to get us to question what God is asking us to do, and so, if you're there, I would just encourage you to sit down with your spouse, sit down in the word and pray about it and try and work those things out and figure out if this is something really that you're called to do Right. So when considering your biological kids, yeah, again, it's that comfort versus no. This is a legitimate reason. This isn't a good time, this isn't a good place because we have something else going on and there again, there's no shame in that.
Speaker 2:But, like Corey said, we are not called to live lives of comfort. If you think about why the why, like what is even the sole purpose of our lives and you can get to that with the Great Commission we are called to make disciples first, and then you talk about the Great Commandment, and it's to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and then, second, love your neighbor as yourself and so those in any question that you're asking yourself it's am I helping, as a Christian, to make disciples through the life that I'm living? Am I loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength? And what am I doing to love my neighbor as myself?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 1:And then, just on, the comfort thing too, is if you even go into like the a lot of podcasts that I've listened to and things, a lot of people of success will talk about intentionally putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.
Speaker 1:And that doesn't mean like and I think you have this somewhere in the notes too like murdering yourself for the sake of of just attention or whatever, but with the intention of serving, with the intention of growing, with the intention of loving, is putting yourself through hard things.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's that was the whole basis of the reason why I did the 75 Hard Program is to intentionally put myself through hard things. And also, remember, I listened to this podcast of this guy and he talked about how he had had a pretty hard upbringing and he had become, had a successful life and he's given his kids this life that he didn't have. And honestly, like I feel like in a lot of ways I could say that about our kids, like I didn't you know, I didn't fly on an airplane until I think it was like 25 or kids have been on an airplane within the first few years of their lives to travel and do things. And this guy was talking about intentionally, he was talking about manufacturing adversity and challenges, and for us, this is a way to also intentionally manufacture adversity for our kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I want to again be clear with this point, and this could truly be an entire podcast podcast, like it could. This whole topic could be an entire podcast, so it's really hard to cover all the basis, so we'll probably do more episodes about this too, but it's more about, like, shifting this paradigm from what will this do to my kids and what will this do to my family too? Like what will this do for my kids and for my family? But because what, corey? I agree with everything that Corey is saying, but I want to be clear that it's not like we were like man, like what are we doing to be the hands and feet of Jesus? Let's, let's go bring in, let's bring in some kids and show and like show our kids that like it was very clear that we were getting like nudged in this direction.
Speaker 2:And so it's not like we were. I don't. I don't know how to really articulate this, but like it's not, like if you're feeling like for us it would come up in friend groups foster care and then a podcast foster care and it just we just kept getting hit with it. So it wasn't like we were sitting at home, bored, twiddling our thumbs and we're like what can we do to make our kids have a hard life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's be foster parents, and that's so yeah, it was just an added benefit is what I was getting at. It was an added piece. There are so many things from this that you could piece together, and that was one of the things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So I would say I hear a lot when, when even I'll post stuff on on Facebook or I'll see it on other foster care posts and it's like man, that's so good that you guys are doing that, but I could never do that to my kids, or my kids would never be up for that. And and again I just want to challenge you is this, is this fear? And so I'm just going to share a couple things that, for us, instead of, what has this done to our kids? What has this done for our kids over the last 15 months?
Speaker 2:And before I talk about these points, I just want to say like this it is very normal to get pushback, because this is a very uncomfortable space. A lot, it is a very misunderstood space, it is a very scary space, and so, as a family, if this is something that you're considering, I just want to encourage you. If you're receiving pushback from family or from friends, I want to encourage you to not be to not be frustrated, but to be open to their concerns, because so many of these concerns really are out of legitimate love for you and for your kids, but also if it's something that you know that God is calling you to do, don't let those people who misunderstand discourage you from living out what God is calling you to do.
Speaker 2:And that's a very hard thing to navigate, because if you have family who you respect and love their opinion you love them and you respect their opinions this can be really really. First of all, it can be hurtful and it can be really tricky.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I just want to add in there and this really applies to a lot of things that could be uncomfortable, where your family might be questioning you know. I think you should listen, take it into consideration and also just understand where they're coming from, because it is out of love. But a lot of times too, that love it's kind of like when we were kids and sometimes your parents just wanted to keep you safe and put you in a bubble and make sure that you don't get hurt, and so sometimes that's where that's coming from is that they just don't want you to get hurt.
Speaker 2:And they don't want your kids to get hurt and they don't want your kids to get hurt and it is scary.
Speaker 1:But sometimes, if God is calling you to do it, you still need to do it. There's a reason he's calling you. He can see things they can't see. He understands truth. He understands what you can get from it, what you can provide for other people through these decisions too. So just because they're saying that, you can take it into consideration. But it doesn't mean it's the end, all be all.
Speaker 2:Again. This is why this could be an entire podcast series, because this in itself is a whole other episode. Going off of what Corey was just saying.
Speaker 2:I think that it's important to have grace with the people who don't understand it, but also continue to walk down the path that God is calling you to, because you don't know what your obedience will do in the lives of those people. And we have had family members who have been really scared at first Because it is scary and your grandkids are stepping into uncomfortable spaces and they want to protect their grandkids. And over the last year almost year and a half they have completely fallen in love with the kids in our homes. They've stepped up into the uncomfortable and they have seen God work through us, following the calling that God has called us to. And we also have family who sometimes still doesn't get it and it is still uncomfortable for them, and that's okay. You have to allow those people to be where they are and while being respectful and also walking forward in the path that God has called you to, and that can be a really hard place to be. So I just wanna encourage you guys in that to keep going and.
Speaker 1:You can't force it on them, but it also doesn't mean it should stop you.
Speaker 2:Right, because the bottom line is here, and we've already said it here on this episode is that we are not called to be comfortable, we're not called to live comfortable lives, we're not called to keep our kids. I mean, we're called to take care of our kids and to steward our families and love our families. But nowhere in the Bible does it say to keep your kids safe and shelter them. It says in the Bible that in this world you will have trials, you will have tribulations, but take heart, I have overcome the world. And it says in the Bible that we are called to care for the widows and orphans. And it says in the Bible that whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done for me. And so, going into our kids and what they're experiencing over the last year, these are things that we have had to continuously remind them.
Speaker 2:Has this journey been all rainbows and butterflies?
Speaker 2:No, it has been so hard, but it's also been so beautiful and like there's a peace that when you know God has called you to do something, there's a peace, first of all, that you know comes only from God and there also is just.
Speaker 2:You can just see all the ways that he has carried you through this. Sometimes I'll put posts on and real quick, I'll put a reel up and then I'll take it down because I'm trying to figure out how to articulate, like the one morning I posted, like getting ready with the seven kids, because I love it honestly and I it's a lot and I wanna remember this season. But then I'll put it up and people are like you're super mom, you're awesome, you're incredible. And then I'm like no, like it makes me so uncomfortable because the reality is that I'm not, I'm not and, apart from God, like I would be curled up in the fetal position on the floor with my kids and I would be done for. But God has shown up in so many ways and we've been able to show our kids that through this journey, in ways that we never would have, by just yeah, and yeah, just to comment on that too.
Speaker 1:like I have so many people that don't do foster care that ask me like they're genuinely interested and wanna know like how's it going with the kids, and I'll tell them they're like man, you guys are just awesome, you're super man. And it makes me so uncomfortable. It really does, and I'm just. My answer is true. I said it's not us, it's God. We're just being obedient to what God called us to do. There is nothing special about us compared to any other people. We just chose to be obedient and God is sustaining us through this and we're not doing anything that other people haven't even done before either. You know what I mean. So, like, where I appreciate somebody giving the compliment, it's not us guys, it is not us. You can do hard things. You can serve, you can love in the ways that God called you to as well, and it is hard, but the things in this life that are worth it are hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And I think often when we step into where God calls us, it is gonna be difficult. And again it's not like, oh, this is difficult and I'm a martyr and like, so that's how I know it's what God has called me to. It's just when we're stepping into where God wants us and we're impacting people for the kingdom, the devil hates it, hates it, and so that's why you're gonna face opposition. And so these next points. They absolutely apply to foster care and biological kids, but you could also put them through the lens of whatever path you're walking through and how it affects your biological kids. So, real quick, we have about I don't know seven or eight minutes, so I'm gonna try and get through these and we'll come back maybe with another episode elaborating more if you guys wanna hear more.
Speaker 2:But first of all, I wanna say, when it comes to this journey, something that we've been very intentional about doing is praying over the lives of our kids, of our foster kids, in front of all of our kids, because this has left so much opportunity to see God work. And so while we were getting licensed, we prayed over these kids. It's really cool. I have journal entries back in May when our who we have now as 15 months old he was in utero with his mom and I was praying for him then, before I even knew him, and so we've really been praying for these kids before we even knew them and our kids have watched that happen, and so we've prayed over their lives and for God's will to take place over their lives, and we've done that openly in front of our kids, and so there's been so many scenarios that our kids have seen play out. But one specifically is if you guys have followed along on our journey at all.
Speaker 2:We got a baby boy when he was two days old and he left at about 10 and a half months to go live with his dad, which was really hard. I mean, we could go on and on about it, but it was just hard. He was calling us mama and dad. He felt like our son at the same time. The goal of foster care is to be with biological family. So he left to be with his dad.
Speaker 2:He was there for about eight weeks and our kids got to see us pray over the life of that baby as he left and while he was gone, and ultimately we just prayed for God's will over his life and through a series of crazy, crazy events that the caseworker still can't even really explain how or why it happened. They've never seen anything like it happened before. He is back in our home and our kids got to witness that play out and see God work through this story and see him answer our prayers and keeping this baby safe and not that we're his safety, not that we're his saviors at all, but that God is and that he has protected this baby and we're gonna probably face another scenario again where they get to go be with mom soon and there's so much peace in that.
Speaker 2:And I think the peace comes from our kids witnessing us pray for God's will over their lives the entire time and knowing that it's like, yes, we love these kids so fiercely, but we're gonna hold it loosely and we're gonna see what God does with this and the goodbye is still gonna be hard, but there's peace that comes with the goodbye when you surrender it all.
Speaker 1:I just wanna add this in there, because there Bible verse Deuteronomy 6, 5 through 9, it says and you must love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength, and you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children, talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you're going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. And so in this verse it's just living out God's calling, living out God's commandments in daily talking about them, letting them be a part of your everyday life.
Speaker 1:And in that sense doing this foster care journey has made that responsibility of ours easy because it's built in, it's there on a daily basis. Our kids get to see that a serve. They get to serve and love and care for kids that didn't have an easy life, and so it's on just display for them on a regular basis that they get to be a part of. And Sometimes I feel like as adults when there's other hard struggles and things that are going on in our lives and we're praying over them. We kind of a lot of times keep that from our kids and they don't get to see it. We didn't have a choice with this, you know. It's asking them to serve. They're a part of it. So when we pray together and we pray over all of this together, like they get to see the struggle, the good times, the bad times. They get to see how God works through this whole thing because, we couldn't keep it from them.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and it has taught them through that to lean on Jesus through what in our human minds feels so impossible. And yeah, I love that and I think that that in itself is worth all of the pain and heartache and sleepless nights, that right there letting our kids learn how to lean on Jesus and letting him see how his path unfolds. And so, if you are a foster family and this is not something that you have done with your kids I would encourage you to start being open. I think my parents were foster parents and back then it was still so much more private and there are things that our kids don't know, Like they don't know the details of why they were removed.
Speaker 2:They know age-appropriate things, but back then, like when the caseworker was over, we had to be put away. I mean not put away, but like we didn't know the details of the case. And it's not that it was my parents fault, that was just the culture back then. Everything was very private. We didn't know what was happening until like the day it was happening, and that's just because, that's just how it was. But so no knock on my parents at all. But I think that right now, in this generation of us being more open parents with open dialogue with our kids, it does so much good for foster families because we leave so much room for our kids to see God work. And so if you're not having this open communication and open relationship with your kids in the world of foster care, I would strongly encourage you to do so, because there's hard things in this and when you can point your kids back to Jesus through it, it's so. I mean I don't know how we could have made it through without that piece.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I think there would have been a lot more resistance. The next point is just teaching our kids that loving like Jesus is bigger than what we're feeling in the moment, and I, real quick, just wanna talk about this. There are so many unnatural feelings that come up in foster care for foster parents, for biological kids, for the foster kids, and that is because this is not the way that God designed family to be.
Speaker 2:He didn't design family to be broken. He didn't design parents to be addicted to drugs and kids to be ripped away from their parents and kids to be abused by their parents but still be so heavily bonded to parents and then placed with family Like it's just. We just live in a broken world and it's so hard sometimes. And with that, with that unnatural family unit, there comes unnatural feelings and that can be something as little as I don't wanna share my room with this kid to. I don't like this kid to. I mean, what else I mean? Sometimes they can seem so small and then we're easy to you like them more than me.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, and so we're easy to like, scold our kids and like, well, you have to share your bedroom or you have to like this kid. But I would encourage you guys that this is such a good opportunity, when these unnatural feelings come up for our kids, to validate our kids and say you know what, it's okay that you're feeling this way, because this is not the way God intended families to be.
Speaker 2:And this is really hard, and it's okay that this is hard for you, and it's hard for me too, and it's hard for them too, but this is where God has our family right now. This is what God has called our family to do right now, and so we're gonna walk through this together and whatever you're feeling is okay, but it's not okay to act in sin on those feelings.
Speaker 2:So, if you need space to process, if you need just time to be away, I get it, but we still have to choose love, even in these hard moments.
Speaker 1:Right, and just some of the some of that. I get a highlight in that too, that you just made me think of is with Carter. Like Carter had his own bedroom, right, he had his own room for the first time since he was like I don't know what three, and when a couple little boys were coming to our home, we talked to him about it. I mean, that was really the only option that we had was for the little boy to be in a room with Carter, and so we had talked to him about it and he was like, oh yeah, yeah, they can be in my room. Hey, wait a minute, are you gonna build that bunk bed so they can be in my room? It was just like it was so cool for him to sacrifice in that way, to love and serve in his own way. It was just, I don't know, there was something really sweet and nice about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that when we validate our kids in the hard feelings and like the things that they might be otherwise embarrassed to share with us, when we validate the fact that it's okay to feel those things, we leave a really wide open door for communication with them and then, as a result, they're less resentful in the hard moments when it comes to sharing a bedroom or sharing a toy, and they're able to take those hard things and pray about them and ask God to help them sort out those feelings, and then they're more willing to sacrifice when it comes to stuff like that, because they see the bigger picture.
Speaker 2:They see that for us, this is an act of obedience. Often, too, it's for us, it's for them. When they see us pointing back to Jesus and the fact that this isn't natural, they don't look at it as this is something my parents have forced me to do, and I'm in this situation because my parents have chosen this and I don't want this. They see it as this is what God has called our family to do, and sometimes that means that it's hard, but this is where we're at, and so I'm gonna walk through it with my family too. I don't know if I worded that really well, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we have asked I mean we've asked our kids to sacrifice. I mean our time alone has to be split, instead of between three, between four, right, and they've had to share rooms and these different things. But at the same time, we tried really hard to not let it take away either. Like I, even though our time got thinner and it meant, you know, maybe you being at home with more kids, for sure, I still just made sure that I coached both of my kids and best, while I didn't say, oh I'm sorry, guys, I can't coach you anymore you know what I mean. We didn't. We tried to not let it affect certain things oh sorry, guys, we can't do that because we're doing foster care Like we still tried to make sure that, from those aspects that we are, we kept their lives as normal for them as possible.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, and I mean there are things that have had to change that come with the number of kids that we have. But yeah, I feel like when they see the bigger picture, those things become a lot easier to give up, because they're also reminded that our worldly desires and our fleshly desires don't pale in comparison to the call that God places on our lives.
Speaker 1:So, okay.
Speaker 2:So the next point is, well, we kind of covered it, just making sure that we have an open and safe place for our kids to feel what they're feeling, and it leaves room for conversation and less space for heartburn resentment. I just, again, I can't emphasize enough that this, while it's more time and more work finding time and space whether it be when you're driving in the car with your kid, you're intentionally saying, hey, babe, I need to go to the grocery store, I'm gonna take this kid with me because they need someone on one time or sending some kids to bed and letting a couple stay up. Finding that time to leave time and space for conversation and helping them process these things. It, I mean it is so crucial in this journey, so okay.
Speaker 2:Just to close, I just wanna say that there are definitely moments where we ourselves have found ourselves thinking like man, we did not have to do this. This is hard. Our lives would be so easy with just three kids. You know, we wouldn't have to pay so much for sitters. I wouldn't have to miss some of Carter's basketball games. We would probably be getting invited more places because our friends don't wanna host a family of nine, and I'll also wanna. Caveat is that right. That was saying like our friends have been so gracious.
Speaker 2:And so and people who aren't even involved in the foster care system, and so we're so thankful for those friends. But, honestly, we've had to cancel a couple vacations, we've had to cancel some trips. We could have avoided all this heartache and all of the sleepless nights, and we didn't have to do it. But all of that is our fleshly desires and this journey truly is a constant dying to self and bringing yourself to the feet of Jesus and leaning on Him and letting Him carry us and protect our family and protect these kids, because apart from Him, we really, really, really couldn't do it.
Speaker 2:We had so many friends in the foster care community who kept telling us like nothing is gonna bring you closer to Jesus than this journey, and I thought that I understood it.
Speaker 1:I thought yeah sure, yeah, it makes sense.
Speaker 2:Logical. Yeah, it's in the most painfully unexpected ways that this journey truly has brought me to my knees and right to the feet of Jesus, and I believe that our faith is stronger because of it, and I hope and pray that our kid's faith will be stronger because of it too, and that they have the eyes of Jesus because of it. They go to school and they see a kid who might be a little bit weird or a little bit strange, and then they were reminded well, maybe their home life isn't as great. Or they see a kid who's perfectly normal, like the kids that we send off to school, that are our foster kids, and they still realize that not everybody has the perfect life at home and so, because of that, they have more empathy and kindness. And I'm struggling to even say this because we know our kids are stinkers. So if you're in our school system or you have kids our age, we know. We know, okay, we're not perfect. We never claimed to be perfect, so we know we get it.
Speaker 1:They were. They were us combined. Yeah, that's just the problem.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. So that has nothing to do with foster care and everything to do with the fact that we're parenting them. So, yeah, our friends told us that. Well, actually I already said that. I, in regard to our friends, I just want to say thank you to the friends who have gone before us, because, truly, it's because of your yes and your acts of obedience that we were impacted, and now we're on this journey as well.
Speaker 1:And it showed us that it can be done, and it showed us how it can be done too.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I just want to close with asking you guys, whether it's foster care or something else that you're navigating right now, what can God do or how can he use you through your faithfulness to his call on your life? If you're about to say, notice something because of fear or discouragement, or you feel that you're not capable, take it to Jesus, because that is probably discouragement right from the enemy. So also, I just want to say, if this is something that you're considering, we just want to ask you to reach out. We have a great community of people. Even if it's not, if we aren't the people for you, we could connect you with people. We'd be happy to answer any questions that you have. Feel free to just email me. And there's also Hope Bridge Foster Community. Those are all like local, like Ohio based, but they also have great connections all throughout the country. So we have some great resources. Feel free to reach out to us, and I think that's it.
Speaker 1:The last. I just wanted to end on a couple of highlights, and for me and I'm sure you feel the same way the ultimate highlight for me through this whole thing has been just not because we didn't brow beat this, we didn't ask this, but both our six year old little girl and the older eight year old boy have given their lives to Jesus and they came and asked us. You hope that you can have some type of impact and maybe that'll happen while they're with you, but you don't know and you don't ever want to try to force anything like that on any person. It's their own individual choice. But at different times too I mean what? Probably six months apart from each other, they asked like hey, I want to have Jesus in my heart, I want to do this. And we were like are you sure what this means?
Speaker 1:I asked a lot of questions and make sure they understood. I felt that they both did, and so we prayed a prayer with them and with the older boy. I actually we haven't talked about this, but I don't know if you've I've seen behavior changes in him since he asks. He asked for a Bible for Christmas, he asks to pray, and all of our kids will ask to pray, but sometimes some of them will like forget. He never forgets to ask to pray and he asks to play Christian music songs all the time on the radio, which wasn't his requests before. You know what I mean. So I've seen a big, big shift in changing him and like that, just that God used this opportunity to change two souls for eternity and that's the ultimate celebration.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and if that is the only reason that they were meant to be in our home for a time, then it was worth it. Worth it. So, all right, guys, we appreciate you. Thanks for hanging in there with us, and we'll talk to you next week. Let's go.