Ever accidentally shatter a full glass bottle of kombucha in Marshall's?
We have! In today's episode, we take you through life's everyday laughter and trials, swapping tales from bathroom disasters to the quirks of marriage. As we navigate the tender complexities of fostering, parenting, and the relentless passage of time, we invite you to join our conversation and embrace the journey of life with us. This is not just an update—it's a chapter of our lives, shared candidly with hopes to spark inspiration and sprinkle a bit of joy in your day.
Delving into the bittersweet realm of fostering, we balance the laughs with deep reflections on the emotional rollercoaster of transitioning children back to their biological families. Savor the sweet tales of our kids' growth, the challenges of being intentional with our time, and the therapeutic steps we take toward healing.
As we wrap up this heartfelt episode, gratitude takes the spotlight. We share about our community's overwhelming support, especially when nurturing goes even beyond our own family. Whether it's furnishing a home for a mother in need or fighting for the rights of kids in our care, we're reminded of the impact we can have together.
So come along for the ride; it's more than just our story—it's a testament to the power of community, the resilience found in gratitude, and the joy discovered in the little things. Join us as we explore these chapters of life, seeking solace and joy in the shared human experience.
Episode Highlights:
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on A Force to Be Reckoned With:
This show has been produced by Adkins Media Co.
Ever accidentally shatter a full glass bottle of kombucha in Marshall's?
We have! In today's episode, we take you through life's everyday laughter and trials, swapping tales from bathroom disasters to the quirks of marriage. As we navigate the tender complexities of fostering, parenting, and the relentless passage of time, we invite you to join our conversation and embrace the journey of life with us. This is not just an update—it's a chapter of our lives, shared candidly with hopes to spark inspiration and sprinkle a bit of joy in your day.
Delving into the bittersweet realm of fostering, we balance the laughs with deep reflections on the emotional rollercoaster of transitioning children back to their biological families. Savor the sweet tales of our kids' growth, the challenges of being intentional with our time, and the therapeutic steps we take toward healing.
As we wrap up this heartfelt episode, gratitude takes the spotlight. We share about our community's overwhelming support, especially when nurturing goes even beyond our own family. Whether it's furnishing a home for a mother in need or fighting for the rights of kids in our care, we're reminded of the impact we can have together.
So come along for the ride; it's more than just our story—it's a testament to the power of community, the resilience found in gratitude, and the joy discovered in the little things. Join us as we explore these chapters of life, seeking solace and joy in the shared human experience.
Episode Highlights:
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on A Force to Be Reckoned With:
This show has been produced by Adkins Media Co.
We are at war and it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians or whatever else we feel like we're battling against.
Speaker 2:So the questions are who's the fight against, and are we winning or losing? We're the Adkins, and we are a force to be reckoned with. Are you ready to join the force. Hey everybody, hope you're doing great out there. It's Corrin Bethany.
Speaker 1:Hope you're having a good drive to your morning drive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it might just take us just a minute. I mean, it always takes us a couple minutes. Thanks for your grace To warm up.
Speaker 1:We should do like a five minute warm up before we start.
Speaker 2:It's almost nine o'clock on a Sunday night and it has been a long weekend, so yeah, but the news is we're here and this is pretty much our date night these days.
Speaker 1:We should have got some sushi.
Speaker 2:We should have. That would be so fun. That would be a really fun episode, like a date night, a live date night.
Speaker 1:We'd probably have to like intentionally select the food though, because I don't think anybody's gonna want to hear us chewing sushi.
Speaker 2:Speaking of chewing, we have a fun activity we're gonna do.
Speaker 1:Are you? You have a confession to make. No, you start rubbing snuff.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Oh yeah, we have that thing. I can't be here. Oh, I can hear it. That was the wrong one.
Speaker 2:Okay so.
Speaker 1:You can't keep it.
Speaker 2:We're doing a life update today, but also a fun episode. We got some feedback about parents, google everything, and some was in real life feedback, some was online feedback. Text so Cory, I feel like you have public apologies to give Wait for what? For the turtleneck bell bottoms. Is there anything you want to say to anybody?
Speaker 1:I mean, when I rewatched it it seemed a little bit harsh when I said people with mullets. Mustaches Like dirty, yeah, but then you know, and I was, feeling bad. I was like you know maybe I was a little bit hard on some people we have. But then I saw a mullet on TV and I was like no, I was right, that thing looks greasy.
Speaker 2:It looks bad Currently. At this point I can't think of anybody that has a mullet in our life that currently has a mullet. Yeah, I can't think. I can't even think of anybody that I know.
Speaker 1:That has ever had a mullet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Anyway.
Speaker 1:I know some people that have had a mullet.
Speaker 2:I don't know I'm blanking, but I'm literally wearing bell bottoms right now.
Speaker 1:Wait? No, you're not. I thought that I shamed you enough to make you know I want to wear those you can't shame a girl out of comfort, okay. There's pants that are comfortable, that don't.
Speaker 2:But I love these pants at the bottom. But yeah, all that to say, parents Google everything. Might be a monthly rotation because oh, it's definitely reoccurring. We got. I don't know, it was a good one, it was.
Speaker 1:Which makes me wonder.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, this is the conclusion I came, and that's why I actually been started saying this Apparently.
Speaker 1:We're just here for a good time For a good time. Not a long time. Yeah, that's the saying, yeah, but a good time and apparently we've learned.
Speaker 2:We started this podcast in hopes to inspire, but you people- we apparently were inspiring through laughter. Apparently, we're just here to entertain, so.
Speaker 1:I think the truth is finally coming out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's why we're the only reason people want us around, so they can laugh at us.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I'm so glad we're friends today, because yesterday we weren't, and it was.
Speaker 1:Oh, are we going to get into this?
Speaker 2:No, no, we're not getting into it, but I just wanted to share that I'm glad that we're friends today.
Speaker 1:Are you going to? You're going to apologize to me right now for the first time.
Speaker 2:Not ever, but for no. Are you going to apologize? You yelled at me.
Speaker 1:You're yelling me. I just got home.
Speaker 2:There we have it again the inspiration that all the married couples out there need. Okay, so we have a couple of things.
Speaker 1:Speaking of chewing.
Speaker 2:We have another taste test First up, so let's do a little.
Speaker 1:Nope, nope, nope. What happened to the labels? I don't know, sorry guys, what are you looking for?
Speaker 2:The labels are, I think, in my purse. So okay, we're doing a taste test this week. Okay, last time it was an energy drink, this time brew doctor, tasty fizzy probiotic tea.
Speaker 1:How do you say this? How do you pronounce this word right here?
Speaker 2:I call it kombucha.
Speaker 1:Kombucha, yeah, kombucha.
Speaker 2:But like, there's some class of people like you know how I call LaCroix and some people are like do you want a LaCroix?
Speaker 1:And I'm like wait a what People actually say. That Do you?
Speaker 2:want a LaCroix, excuse me.
Speaker 1:I can't hear you.
Speaker 2:What did you say?
Speaker 1:Who says that?
Speaker 2:A LaCroix. I'm sorry You're going to have to repeat yourself one more time.
Speaker 1:Hold on. Are you making this up? No, I swear. You know people that call it a LaCroix.
Speaker 2:No LaCroix.
Speaker 1:LaCroix, there's no Q.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've heard several people and I'm sorry, but no, I don't.
Speaker 1:Thank you, you want a little kombucha?
Speaker 2:So yeah, all right. So here's the LaCombucha. We got these from Costco, as you guys should know by now.
Speaker 1:So yeah, today's sponsor.
Speaker 2:Speaking of, my sweatshirt is from Costco, so for anybody wondering you got something on. Everybody's like wow, I can't believe that this is so white.
Speaker 1:Well, if you zoom in?
Speaker 2:close enough. There's a couple kid boogers right here you just got that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, three days ago my first time wearing it, and so this is crazy so we had a couple flavors. I just want to say something out there to a brew doctor. You know you may not be a sponsor, but if you want a sponsor, you want us to sponsor them?
Speaker 2:Us sponsor them no if they want to be a sponsor. If any, that's what we should do?
Speaker 1:We should just keep putting these out there and just calling out different companies. So here's the thing.
Speaker 2:There was like a passion, there was like a berry one, and then there was like a tropical one, and I thought both of those were great. My taste is a little off still, like it has been for.
Speaker 1:Are these the last two?
Speaker 2:Three years now. These are the last two.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know how many I drank.
Speaker 2:Zero.
Speaker 1:Zero. Yeah, you know why?
Speaker 2:Because I'm healthier than you.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Are you calling me fat?
Speaker 1:Okay, first off, how can you be fat for drinking too many kombucha? I'm pretty sure that's not how that works.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding. All right, we got to go fast.
Speaker 1:No, do you know why I didn't drink any?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because we went to Marshall's and I accidentally shattered yours.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you knocked mine on the floor. And I was like I went to go to the bathroom and I was going to take it with me and you were like no, I'll hold it for you, I'll hold it for you. I'm like all right. So I put it in the cart.
Speaker 2:And you were like it's glass, and I was like, okay, I know, I know.
Speaker 1:And as soon as I get back from the bathroom, I'm literally going to reach for it, legitimately, literally going to reach for it, and you fold the thing and knock it on the floor.
Speaker 2:It happened by snaccident, okay. Okay, I was going to say I liked the berry, liked the passion fruit, but I saved these ones for you because this is this Well?
Speaker 1:first off, why? Because it's rosemary and sage, rosemary mint, sage and green tea.
Speaker 2:So it doesn't really sound very good, but we'll see. So clear mind is what it's called.
Speaker 1:Are we taking turns or are we going at the same time?
Speaker 2:We'll go together. Honestly, it kind of tastes like the rest of them.
Speaker 1:I like that mint. That mint has a nice little.
Speaker 2:See, I don't taste any mint. You don't taste the mint. My taste is so off it's just my palate yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm going to drink it. I like it. I'm about to put this down.
Speaker 1:The bad thing about kombucha, though, whether being so carbonated.
Speaker 2:Makes you burp, Gives you the burps. All right. So that was our taste test. I would rate this. We're like going so slow and dilly-dally.
Speaker 1:What are we rating this on? Like as compared to other kombuchas?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean this one's kind of bland I'm digging it. Okay, well, I'm gonna give it a six out of ten.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna give it a seven, but it seemed like we were so far apart in our analysis.
Speaker 2:No, I just yeah, I mean it's fine.
Speaker 1:All right, next part, something I've been looking forward to since the beginning of the podcast, when we were recording on our phones.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:When you used to Eat popcorn. Yeah, when I would eat popcorn and whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was painful, but tonight we're bringing it back because we are. This is so dumb.
Speaker 1:I feel like we should do this. No come on.
Speaker 2:This is so dumb.
Speaker 1:Dude, I have mine and I'm ready to go.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, sorry everyone If you don't like it just tell us and we will never do it again.
Speaker 1:Just kidding.
Speaker 2:This welcome to. What are you eating under there? What are we doing?
Speaker 1:I feel like we're one of the kids YouTube channels.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hey guys, we're going to give away a lifetime supply of water balloons but, like, honestly, before we go into, what are you eating under there? We can tie in some like of our style podcast stuff. The reality is like I think we said this last time life has just been, it's just been so much recently so heavy. So we're just having a little fun, guys. Okay Again, we hope you're full laundry, we hope you're mowing the grass.
Speaker 1:We hope you're not like taking notes.
Speaker 2:We just want to know what are you eating?
Speaker 1:So how are you doing this? You putting your head underneath this blanket?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Then why is it? Why is it? What are you eating under there? What are we going under A blanket A?
Speaker 2:shelf. Should I go first?
Speaker 1:Yeah, give me that blanket, use the white one.
Speaker 2:Okay. When we started a podcast, never did I envision it becoming this Okay.
Speaker 1:Don't listen. Wait, I thought I had to listen.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, when I chill.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, the camera just completely cut you out.
Speaker 2:Here I go, here I go. Can you help? Here's how it is Hold on.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, it's ice. Ding ding, ding, ding, ding, Ding, ding, ding, ding ding. Did you see what just happened? I was really, really I was wondering why you needed a cup, a good mouthful. At first I was going to say the blueberries, and then I heard the crunch.
Speaker 2:Your mind might be harder.
Speaker 1:I thought yours was going to be harder than that.
Speaker 2:I just like what else in our house is chewable right now. We went grocery shopping and it was when we were in a healthy mood and nothing is everything's cooked.
Speaker 1:I'm getting mine out of my pocket of my hoodie. Wait a minute, are you ready? No, wait what?
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to take a picture of this.
Speaker 1:What's in my pocket.
Speaker 2:It's in your pocket.
Speaker 1:It was in my pocket. Are you ready?
Speaker 2:No, okay, yeah, I'm ready. Okay, ew, ew, ew, this is grossing me out. Are you chewing in your mouth open? Oh Well, I can't tell Ew, what is this? I'm about to pee my pants. What are you eating under there? What are you eating?
Speaker 1:I'm about to choke. Hold on Hold on.
Speaker 2:Wait, stop laughing. I need to focus.
Speaker 1:Okay, I got to get another bite.
Speaker 2:It sounds like peanut butter.
Speaker 1:What is it? Is that your guess? Is that your guess what I'm going to pee my pants. It's a hard boy holding.
Speaker 2:I'm crying.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:That's disgusting.
Speaker 1:I didn't think that through for the microphone.
Speaker 2:Did you crack it in the kitchen?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Did you hear all my things that throw you off?
Speaker 2:No, you weren't listening. It was really really gross.
Speaker 1:I mean, when I was getting it you didn't hear my things. That thrown you off.
Speaker 2:In the kitchen. Yeah, it sounded like the scene from Tarzan, where it's like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom and they're banging on all the pots and pans.
Speaker 1:I got in the pantry first and was like oh, I made the image, I found something. I didn't find anything. I went to the fridge and I turned the sink on to throw it off while I peeled it.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow Okay.
Speaker 1:I could have finished that.
Speaker 2:I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time, and so if you take away anything from there, I try to go with the inspiration as I make up running down my face. If you try, and if you take away anything from this episode, it's live, laugh, love. You have to have a little bit of fun in life. Okay, we literally almost broke up last night.
Speaker 1:Look at us now. Oh my gosh, I did not think oh, we didn't, I didn't think that through, like what that would sound like in my mouth on a microphone.
Speaker 2:Okay, we got to get to a life of Squish squish like just tacky. All right, we got to get to a life update. So one thing that you are learning in life right now, or that you're yeah, just like I don't know anything.
Speaker 1:It's going to sound really dumb, okay, and it makes me feel soft a little bit, I don't know. But you know how like okay, I'm going to use this as an example. You know how, like you guys talked about your dad being kind of like hardcore and then, once he had a grand kid, he started getting like softer.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel like as I'm getting older, I'm getting like way more sentimental about like our kids and the time we're spending with them like watching them grow up.
Speaker 2:I think that I think that there's something about having an almost 12 year old that makes you realize how fast time is going, and then I think it's amplified when you have a 12 year old and I, like, we have a six month old right now, but even that, like even if we just had Maya, just to see that contrast well past, it's gone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're part of it, I think, is watching all of the kids grow up too, but the thought of like just having our three in the house.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then, like so, going from having that those two babies that passed you know year and a half, to then Maya, it's like, oh my gosh, we're back. Oh my gosh, like what happened? How did Maya get so big? I know, you know, and then you look and then I'm sitting there, like earlier today. We're sitting, sitting there talking and Carter's doing the dishes or whatever, and I'm like look at him. I just remember like we were just looking at those videos of him when he was three and I'm like how did you get so big?
Speaker 2:I know it's really sad. I don't know what it is. It's hit me a lot recently too, and I was just talking to a friend of ours about it a couple of days ago and she brought it up to me separately, Like I had already been thinking about it and she was saying the same thing. She's like I just like where is the time gone? And I just feel like I I feel like this too, Like I've been thinking about this, Like there's so many days where you just are trying to muster through them and then those days they just turned into some months and years, and then you're like did I even soak in it.
Speaker 2:So get in enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, even with baby G, like we just were at his one year birthday party and I felt like it was just yesterday that I held him for the first time at your parents house and then handed him to Gabe's dad and I was like, wait, that wasn't yesterday, dude, that was a over. No, not over. It was a year ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know it's weird, it's like trippy, it's sad, and so I don't know what do you even do about it? I feel like it does make you, and especially with the foster care stuff, and it does feel like like the last year and a half year and a half of our lives, we're so chaotic and we're just coming up for like gas to bury and then I'm like wow, I'm looking into my eyes.
Speaker 2:This is not an advertisement for foster care. It's going to make it sound really bad for a minute, but it's like wow, I'm looking into my eyes. I don't even like I'm you know, I mean like I'm fully present with her and the last time I'm not saying the last time actually, but it's just like she was a year and a half old when we started this and it's like the last. It almost feels kind of like. I feel like this happened also when COVID happened.
Speaker 1:And we were all together.
Speaker 2:It was like time stood still for a minute, but actually time was still moving and you're like man two years past, but like we didn't do anything. Yeah, and that's what I feel like. I keep saying that to myself. I literally keep saying, like what the heck just happened, like what just happened. And here we are.
Speaker 1:I know it's been crazy, but yeah, I've been really feeling that lately, like what the heck was that?
Speaker 2:Like what did we just live through? I need to go to counseling, which, by the way, I start this week.
Speaker 1:Wait, you do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I do. I mean this isn't what I was going to talk about, but I will say that, yeah, the last year and a half has been really hard and I'm fine. But then I think, am I fine? And then, like, then there are moments where I'm like I'm not fine, I'm not not fine, and so, yeah, going to counseling just because I think it would be good for everyone around me, so I'm really excited about it. And I mean, I'm not excited.
Speaker 1:Is this what you're learning right now that you need counseling?
Speaker 2:No, I don't even know what I'm learning right now. That's probably why I need to go to counseling. Yeah, I think, honestly, I'm learning probably something similar, that just life goes so fast and I feel like we've we've had wake up calls like this in life with different tragedies, but yeah, it just realizing how fast life goes and what do you do about it? Well, you just try and find ways to be more intentional and so that's kind of yeah and take it in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just to like stop and like take it in.
Speaker 2:Yes, like tonight, maya was building magnet tiles on the table and I'm just I mean, we've talked about this a hundred times before, because it's the same issue that I have over and over where, like I'm just like go, go, go, I'm the next thing, I'm the next thing, I'm the next thing and then it's like, well, maya was building magnet tiles. Well, normally I would just be like like zoom over it, but just being intentional about, like she was talking to me and she was building it for me and she said it was gonna be an office, and then she said I was too big to fit in the office, so then she built it for a mouse and the mouse was gonna work there, and just stuff like that. Just soaking in their sweetness and soaking in what's around you and trying to be intentional, and it's really so hard, it's so hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So trying to do better about that, but I don't know if we'll ever really arrive at that. I think that's gonna be both of our constant struggles, cause we're both pretty busy and just up, yeah, yeah, this morning, when I forget where you went.
Speaker 1:Where'd you go this morning? You run to the store.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this morning and this may get into the other part of the update but with big J was here and Lil J and I was getting ready and everything, and I had just finished getting ready and I could have just like kept going, going, going, but I just I stopped and you know I missed her some. So we'll get into that little teaser. But so I just wrestled with them. I just wrestled with both of them on the floor, I just spent, you know, silly as that sounds we just, you know, we wrestled for like 10 minutes or something, just like, and they were like on my back and I was bouncing up and down like a rodeo bowl or whatever and things. But just taking that in, where I could have easily just been like I gotta get ready we gotta get going.
Speaker 1:Just stopped and took the 10 minutes to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's like I'm gonna laugh a little bit because I've been watching social media stuff and there's funny reels about like podcasters and how podcasters like if you could literally say the dumbest thing, but if you say it and you repeat it and you say it in the right tone, it's like podcasters trying to be inspirational. It's like don't get so caught up in life that you forget to live, that you forget to live. I'm laughing because, like, people say really dumb stuff, you know, but if you say it inspirational enough, anybody will be inspired by it. But no, really like don't get so caught up in your life and that you just.
Speaker 1:I feel like we were just way better about it when we had just Carter Sometimes when you put your pants on, you just got to do it one leg at a time.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, when you go pee and you have great pants on, you need to do a little extra shake. Oh, we're doing this again?
Speaker 1:Didn't I say this last time? You asked me if I ever did anything embarrassing.
Speaker 2:You did it again.
Speaker 1:I know, but this time I had the right tools.
Speaker 2:What are the tools?
Speaker 1:A hand dryer.
Speaker 2:I want to know how many men out there have dribbled.
Speaker 1:Ok, hold on, I just got to tell you this, so I did it. All right. So if anybody listened to I don't even know what podcast that was she asked me something I was embarrassed about and I had dribbled on my pants.
Speaker 2:OK, we're not going to say that again.
Speaker 1:Leaked. What do you want Like?
Speaker 2:there's nothing that sounds good. It's not like you dribbled Like. Dribbling is like when you have to pee really bad when you're like a little kid and then you're like grandma. I ex-nilly dribbled. Ok, maybe that's what girls say, but that's not.
Speaker 1:That's what guys say if like they didn't, if there were still some left in there, and then it came out afterwards.
Speaker 2:OK.
Speaker 1:Anyways. So that happened, and it happened again. I was wearing the same exact gray pants. Happened again. This is so inappropriate.
Speaker 2:Why did we just talk about that?
Speaker 1:You brought it up, but anyway. So I'm in the bathroom. There's nobody in there, right? So you know I use the hand dryer.
Speaker 2:I'm impaled by both of us.
Speaker 1:It worked out really well and then went back out to the benefit dinner To leave it on the podcast.
Speaker 1:Here we go, here we go, guys. And then no, here's the funny part. So later in the evening, after the benefit dinner was over or was it a benefit dinner, Whatever it was? Anyways, I went back in the bathroom and there was a bunch of people in there and we had to like wait. So then I go to use, and I use the urinal, and I'm standing there and there's like three other guys standing next to me, a few older guys like washing their hands and stuff, and I was like, all right, well, this time I hope I don't get any pee on my gray pants. And you did. I said it out loud to all of them while we're all using the urinals and they start laughing. And they were like I'll just splash a little water on it from the sink, and I was like, oh, I use the hand dryer. They're like, oh, get moved. So it happens a lot. It happens to every guy. Wow.
Speaker 1:But, everybody's laughing. There might have been a few that got some on their pants right then because they were laughing while they were using the urinal.
Speaker 2:That's funny. I'm just thinking about the conversations like to go on in the girls bathroom.
Speaker 1:Ok, I don't want to know that. Back to the inspirational?
Speaker 2:No, we don't have anything inspirational.
Speaker 1:You can hit N now, ok, life update.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, talking about life and the kids. So where we are with foster care. I have a question that I might throw in as the title and it has our foster care journey ended question mark, and we might give you the answer to that today. We might not, but where we are in our foster care journey. We've got a license September 2023.
Speaker 1:No 2022.
Speaker 2:Got our first placement two days later. Have had placements ever since. Haven't had a day since license that we haven't had somebody. But you guys know, if you've been listening, that we've had four four of the five siblings together in our home, so we've had seven kids and we now have five. So that's good. Mom, is, we have to be very, not detailed, but yeah, she's doing good she's doing good.
Speaker 2:They're starting to transition all kids home, but they're doing it in phases, which is awesome and, like I think, so good for her Just to get reacclimated and with the kids. And so they left about a week and a half ago and we've got a really good relationship with her and they were back this weekend because we are babysitting for her one day a week so that she can work, because she works works a weekend day, so we're actually going to have the opportunity for them to still we'll still be able to be in their lives and hopefully be a support to her. And yeah, I mean the way I'm explaining it is like so, like cut and dry and like oh yeah, and this sounds great and it is, and it's also like really tough too.
Speaker 1:Yeah it's.
Speaker 2:There's so many complex emotions. Yeah, it's complicated.
Speaker 1:It's hard because, like, you're happy for them and for mom, you know, because this is what it's supposed to be like, and happy that we have a relationship and are still going to be a part of their lives.
Speaker 1:But then, like, there's just it's inevitable that you know, when you make that connection, that it's also sad for them to not be in your daily presence too, which has also just made me. It made me think about this even more, about, like, what I was saying earlier about the kids, about your kids getting older and stuff like that, because I was seeing something. I don't remember the numbers or anything, but they were talking about how, like, your kid is basically with you every single day up until they're, you know, 18 on average, and then after that, people only see their kids. It was like they were asking people and I don't remember what the average was, but like, if you think about it, you see them on holidays, you might see them on some weekends here or there, but even if you saw your kid every weekend after they moved out, that's 52 times and said it's not 365.
Speaker 2:That's so sad, do you think that's true?
Speaker 1:What I mean. Yeah, it's. I mean. It is true, it's not like you're going to see your kid every single day once they move out.
Speaker 2:I mean not if I have something to do with it.
Speaker 1:But my point in saying that too is that, like with I don't remember what we were calling them, but S and big J, they were with us every day, and now we're going to see them once a week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So that time gets cut, yeah, but it's also good. So, yeah, yeah, we have the two younger ones, but they're slowly starting to transition home. And yeah, back to what you were saying is, when you love a child to the degree, that is that they're deserving of and that really you should love a foster child of it. So, like I, I hear a lot of people say that they do put walls up. That hasn't been a struggle of ours. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Maybe a little bit here and there.
Speaker 2:With the back and forth of the case.
Speaker 1:But I don't think you this is my just raw opinion I don't think that if you're doing foster care, that you should ever intentionally put walls up.
Speaker 2:Right to protect yourself, knowing that they might leave. That's what I mean.
Speaker 1:Right, because the kid if you're gonna do that, then maybe you should reconsider or at least have like a heart check and pray about it, because they need that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:They just need that connection Right, and if you're not gonna give it to them for your own sake, then it's selfish in a way. Even though it's hard, I mean we've done it, so it's not like I'm judging somebody on something that I haven't done.
Speaker 2:Right, and I mean so, like does that make it harder when they leave? Yeah yeah, does it hurt Really? Yeah, like really bad. That's why I have to do it, counseling. No, there's a lot of other reasons, though, but just kidding, just kidding. I'm just being really negative today, I guess. No, but like that's what this is, and so I was thinking about kind of on a different note with the foster care stuff when I was driving to pick them up yesterday. So they had to visit yesterday, picking up baby Jay, who we've had since he was born, like he is our son.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:He is 18 months old, he calls me mama and when you walk in the door at 5.30 at night from work, he says daddy and starts running to you Barrowing towards me. And, like we are, what he knows.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And that part is really hard, but also like she's his mom.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, and she loves him too, and she deserves to have him if she's done the work Right, and so it's just like navigating those emotions. Yeah, and people are like, oh, I could never do that and you guys are amazing. And no, we're not. And I wanna that's what I wanna think about Like, when people say that I'm like if you only knew, like if you only knew the turmoil that I have inside and the thoughts that I have to like take hold of, which I don't do.
Speaker 2:Well, it's just very complicated, but I do feel like we have a good, like, a good community of friends who have prayed with us and forced through this case and we are just praying through it. And I do feel that, like, with each phase, god has equipped our hearts in different ways. Like when baby J left the first time, we, you know it was very hard but we prayed and prayed and you know he was able to come back. And, like, there's just been peace, like God has met us with peace, truly, that passes all understanding in each phase. And so, like when we were bombarded in September with seven kids to the point where, like, we didn't even have a car to fit them and we had to go buy a car, like, and we had to, our lives were flipped upside down, as were theirs, like God met us there.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And we were like, yeah, we could totally do this, you totally do this. But then at the end, as they were just starting to transition home, it almost got to be like, okay, let's just do this, we're ready, they're ready. It's like God equipped our hearts there and so with each, I don't know you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, and like. It makes me I don't have a different perspective. When people say that one, they're like I could never do that. Yeah, it's like I can't either.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we're doing one too.
Speaker 1:But right, but it's. We were called to do this and God has met us exactly. You know where we're at and it's hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, but at the same time it's still so worth it. Like and that's the thing is like earlier, when you said you don't want to scare people away, and sometimes I felt that way too, like giving updates, but I would do this, I would choose this every time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1:As hard as it is. It's very hard. I would choose it every time. Even if it was just for the fact that I knew it was what God wanted me to do, I would choose it every time.
Speaker 2:And what this has done for like my faith and myself and our kids and like our family as a whole. It has refined us in so many ways and we've talked about this. We've even talked about maybe doing an episode on it. But like refinement, it's like or sanctification is what we say. Yeah, sanctification, it's like God sanctifying you through all of it and like it's such a beautiful word really hard to live through. Yeah, sanctification is just so hard. It's not feel good. It does not feel good, but like you have to trust that God, whatever you're walking through, if you allow him to like, shape you and grow you and stretch you and mold you and use your life for his glory, that he will sanctify you through it.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:And like, but in the moment it's like I don't wanna do this. There have been so many days where we're like, and not even just the foster care piece, just like the whole, just everything.
Speaker 1:Right, and it applies to anything in life that you and choose to do and how you live your life. You don't intentionally like, choose to make up, like hardship, but at the same time, like you have to go through things in this life to get better. I mean, think about it. You work out, you have to go and lift heavy things and get sore to build muscle to help with your health. You have to eat healthy foods that honestly, like if you're comparing them to all the junk foods out there like it doesn't taste good.
Speaker 2:That's hard yeah.
Speaker 1:And anything else. If you think about sports and stuff they talk about, you know all the work and all the repetition and it comes down to having the. It's a perspective, but learning to enjoy the process.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right Like. Think about all the like, like Tom Brady, kobe Bryant, high achievers or even business people about building their business. They always talk about how it's not like the destination. You realize like you were chasing the destination, but you realize it was the journey.
Speaker 2:Right. And then this goes back to all the way in the beginning of this episode, where we talk about like pushing our way through the days and like our kids, and like just trying to wait. Like you know, look forward to bedtime, which I still do a lot of the time, but like it's, you should enjoy even the like you know tedious my meetings, yeah, but you enjoy bedtime because you get to spend time with me.
Speaker 1:That's what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I look forward to hanging out at night.
Speaker 1:That was legitimate. That was a legitimate reaction. I didn't know if I was going to get a fake one like, oh yeah, that's what it is, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Speaker 2:You just never know what you're going to get with me, and that's why you'll never be bored. I'm going to counseling, yeah, and that's why you'll never be bored, because you have enough to work with here. You just never know what you're going to get.
Speaker 1:That is true.
Speaker 2:I feel like I make myself sound a lot worse than I am.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure you sound like every wife out there.
Speaker 2:Okay. Well then, all right, okay, but this is what I really wanted to talk about with the not like really, but this is what I was thinking about in the car I was just driving there, thinking like this is like it's so crazy because we had this case, we had these two kids. They ended up against our like in the beginning when they moved the first time and they first of all. They got split up.
Speaker 2:The two that we had got split up from each other. They were here for 10 and a half months and they were going to situations that were not good and we fought for that. It was our job as foster parents to advocate for the kids. And it was some of the county workers and still, due to this day, perceived us as being disgruntled that they were leaving, as if we wanted to keep them. But, no, our job is, and always has been, to advocate for the wellbeing of them.
Speaker 1:Right, I mean, that was the whole point of us doing this in the first place, right.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, we fought and we and you know whatever, through a series of events, crazy, crazy events. We continued to advocate for these kids and we were told there was no chance that especially baby J, who was in a different state, would be coming back. Right, very little chance. And here he came back. But then you know all the other crazy stuff happened and we had the newborn baby, baby J, then the two came to visit for the weekend and they ended up never going back because some yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the whole case like we also fought for sibling relationships. Like at first we were like, why are you splitting them up? You know, and then, even before that, we knew that there were two older siblings and we were a brand new licensed foster family and we were like, we'll make room for them.
Speaker 1:They should be together Our first family team meeting.
Speaker 2:These siblings deserve to be together and the county didn't listen to us.
Speaker 1:But we built a good relationship with the other foster mom.
Speaker 2:And we built a good relationship with mom, and so truly I think that-.
Speaker 1:And we would have built a relationship with a good relationship with the dads if there was an opportunity we offered to. There was no, yeah.
Speaker 2:But I truly believe that through that like, it did feel like it fell on deaf ears. But then look, here we are a year and a half later and we have four of those five siblings in our house. So that to anybody who's like fostering out there, I just wanna encourage you like even though sometimes it might feel like your advocating is falling on deaf ears or you are doing what's right, but it's being perceived as you being crazy, like, just remember you are fighting for these precious lives and even if you're told no by the county, that this child will never be back in your home, or no, these siblings, it's better, it's not in their best interest for them to be together. Like you, we have friends, that we have a friend that says this to us all the time. Like you don't answer to the county and the county might be in control somewhat, but like also, god is so much in control.
Speaker 1:Ultimately, God's in control.
Speaker 2:And so we are seeing this case, this mom.
Speaker 1:And we had so many just a shout out and a thank you. We had so many prayer warriors.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But this mom who, literally, when these kids came back in our home, we were basically told even by the case worker, who doesn't agree or want kids to be adopted, this mom's not getting these kids back because this is, it just doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen Like you don't go have a case this long and be this far wayward and like we basically have lost hope in her, is what we were told.
Speaker 1:And we were like well, we haven't, there's still a chance and look at this, all five siblings, and we're not, and I mean it's-.
Speaker 2:And it's not that we did anything.
Speaker 1:And here's the proof of our motivations. The entire time is these kiddos are being reunified and we're not pushing against it.
Speaker 2:No, because it is a safe situation from a parent who has worked her butt off to get these kids back and is it the same life that?
Speaker 2:I'm not saying better or worse, I'm just saying is it the same life that they would have if they grew up here? No, it's completely different lives and but we're not gonna sit here and say that the life that we could give them is better than the life that she could give them, because they deserve to be with their mom and, even though that kills us to think about, because we love these kids and if something ever happened, absolutely we would take them in a heartbeat. But that's my point is so first, when we became foster parents and this is gonna answer the question about the foster care journey first, when we became foster parents, it was like safety of the kids is our priority and it is and it always will be. That is the number one priority to keep these kids safe and to advocate for them at all costs. But now we're looking at this situation and this is where I think every situation is different. Every case can't be like our case. Every case is so unique.
Speaker 1:Every case is gonna be different from each other.
Speaker 2:But we have these kids who are going home. We have a great relationship with mom and the safety of the kids is our priority, but now our priority also kind of shifts to okay, sorry, but think about this Foster care. When a child enters into foster care, all options have been exhausted. Like these kids, it means the mom was not an option, the dad was not an option Nope. If grandparents are around, they were asked, they said no. If any extended family was around, they were asked, they said no. Then you go to kin or weren't appropriate.
Speaker 2:So it literally means that this mom had every option exhausted, had no one, no support system, no village. It was the last resort for these kids to come into our home. And so now our priority doesn't completely shift from because it's always gonna be to keep this kid safe, but it adds to our priorities to make sure that if she ever, if something ever happens, if she ever is in a bad spot again, that it never happens again that she has no one.
Speaker 2:And that we are that safe place for her to land and for those kids to land, and not in an enabling way, but just that. So she knows like you have a village and we're gonna make sure that you know this will never happen again, doesn't matter how bad things get. You have us and we're your family. And so that's where it's like how could we? I mean, we're so in the heat of it right now. We haven't even transitioned these kids and so much could still happen. But like if they go home and everything transitions, well, we're gonna give ourselves six months. But then it's like right now it's like how could we even take on another child?
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. How could we even continue to foster when we have not that we're expecting anything to go wrong, but she needs also needs support and she needs family.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, like seriously, if you think about it anybody listening. Think about your kids. If you have kids, just think about your kids. If you don't have kids, think about like your nieces and nephews or something, but for our kids if we died right now there are so many options.
Speaker 2:Probably, I would say hundreds.
Speaker 1:For our kids to go to.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so you think about it in that context that a kid's entering the foster care system. There is literally no good option, or willing, or willing to a complete stranger's house.
Speaker 2:And so, then, think of that as the parent, the biological parent.
Speaker 1:So that parent then gets it, does enough to get their life together to be able to then be reunified with their children. And they're trying to. They're working hard and trying to do everything right. And think about all of you out there listening. Just think about the support that you have, right you know, whether it's your parents, whether it's your siblings, friends from church, really good friends, that you have cousins any of it.
Speaker 2:Like just neighbors.
Speaker 1:think about the support that you have. That person, this parent, does not have that, and so that's where we're shifting.
Speaker 2:How traumatic it is to know that when your kids were removed, not only did you have no one, but they were. Imagine the fear, knowing your kids are going to a complete stranger's house that you have no control over.
Speaker 1:And have you ever seen foster parents in movies?
Speaker 2:Or in real life. I mean, I was gonna say no.
Speaker 1:They got full body suits, sweats and crocs and mullets.
Speaker 2:And that's my point. So, like as I was driving there, I'm just thinking like it's just so crazy how this has shifted, because, yeah, so my priority always be the safety of the kids, absolutely, but it's been so cool to be able to in some ways let that wall down because she's just doing so well and we can just have a. I almost felt like this is my sister or my cousin and I get to just love her now and be that support to her.
Speaker 2:And like this morning she dropped the kids off and I took her out of coffee that I made for her and just thinking like I only know how to do that.
Speaker 1:Hold on. Did you take her the coffee out of the French press? No, okay.
Speaker 2:Why Did it taste bad?
Speaker 1:Did you do?
Speaker 2:it was not ground enough and I got a mouth full of giant chunks. It was ground too much then, no Now there's big chunks.
Speaker 2:Oh, but like I only know how to do that stuff and like be thoughtful like that, because my grandma was like that, my mom was like that, my aunts were like that, and so I don't know, it's just cool. But so answering the question like, is our foster care journey over One the county has just been very that's a there's a whole thing has been very hard and I just need a break and I don't, and yeah, I just feel like there's so many ways to make a difference and sometimes I wonder if foster care is the right path for us. But then there's days where I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so many kids. There are so many kids that need loving homes.
Speaker 1:When I think about it and when we've brought it up, it's like I'm not in a position to make that decision Right now, because it would be an emotional decision right now, because I'm exhausted and we just need some time. So that's what we talked about. It's my brain with all of this. I'm so exhausted physically, emotionally, spiritually that I forget who I was talking to about this, but it's like I can't hear God's voice.
Speaker 2:Not that I can't discern what.
Speaker 1:I can't feel any push right now in any way to make that decision, and that will be why we make our decision Right. So if I can't discern that right now, then it just is telling me we just need to take a breath for a minute and we'll revisit that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it very well could be. No, we don't have capacity because this family is our priority.
Speaker 1:It could be, hey, we wanted God's like hey, I wanted you to do this so that you can have some experience to go and do this. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think you already answered this. But just to close I will say ask you, it's been a lot, it's been a long time and I know we're not an exception. This is just a hard journey but I don't know if has it been worth. It is the right answer, but if there's somebody out there who's like I don't know guys, this is you. Guys, if this has been, I thought about it, but after hearing your journey, I just don't know. I don't know if it's gonna be worth it.
Speaker 1:If somebody said that to me, I would say check your heart. And I say that because you need to follow what God's calling is for your life. It doesn't matter what our story is, you need to follow what God's calling is for your life and the things in life often the things in life that are hard or worth it, and every time that you do what you feel God leading you to do is always worth it. I mean, he's the architect of your purpose, of your whole existence. So following that perfect plan from the perfect creator will always be worth it. It's often harder.
Speaker 2:But that's always harder.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, not like a hundred percent of every second so far babe, so far it's been pretty hard. Yes, it's worth it. So if you're feeling called to do it, then our story shouldn't make you not do it If if you're worried about doing hard things, then I would say that's a lame reason.
Speaker 2:My take on it is that there are so many kids right now that, like, literally, my friends were telling me that our county, just a couple of weeks ago, had to send eight newborn babies out to other counties because we were nobody would, no houses available for them. Eight babies in one week there are so many kids.
Speaker 2:And they need good families who are willing to do this deep hard work and like connect with the biological families and love on the kids and be willing to be part of a story that might not end the way that your human selfish heart wanted, but the way that God intended for this family to be, like a knit together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there is such a need and not only is there a numbers data need, but there is a huge need for parent, for foster parents that are doing this for the right reason, that are standing in the gap and advocating for these kids. In making that connection, there is an enormous need because, I mean, I don't, I don't know what percentage of the foster parents that are currently licensed, or even like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah because it seems like it's not that much, honestly, because when you, when we do this for the county, it's looked at as like abnormal, like they're not used to it. Yeah, and that's a problem and we need to shift the paradigm.
Speaker 2:And this is like we could go down a whole rabbit trail or hole or whatever. Is it a rabbit trail? I thought it was a rabbit hole.
Speaker 2:Or maybe it's both, I don't know. But yeah, and all that to say. Like then look at our family and we're seriously sitting here saying, well, if we do this right based on this case, really this mom needs support and these kids need support, we need to continue to babysit. So, like, how could we possibly have capacity to continue fostering? That is part of the reason that there's the longevity isn't there is because, if you really do look at it, we have another couple who we're friends with, who has a similar situation where their case is over and the case is closed, but they still help with that family and that family needs that and they, they are connected to the foster kids. Well, they're not foster kids anymore.
Speaker 1:Which, if enough people did that there might like. The services from our county or whatever agencies are out there may look at it like, hey, wait a minute, we're missing something here. Maybe you know we need this on the back end.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right and we wouldn't be looked at as abnormal for standing in the gap and advocating for this kids, these kids. It would be the normal and the whole perception from our county and the agencies may be different.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But with all that to say, do I think you should do it? Yes, has it been hard? Yes, is it still worth it? Yes, because you're impacting these little souls and hearts and lives for eternity. But with all that said, not everybody's called to foster, right? No, not. And that's OK. And so one shout out that I want to give is just like I've seen that and like this single-handedly, has made me realize that that our community, like so many families who have a heart you could tell for fostering, but they can't or they know they're not able.
Speaker 1:And just the way people have showed it's not the right season.
Speaker 2:Oh man. I know we've talked about this before so we don't have to talk about it long, but that's pretty much it Just.
Speaker 1:I'm so proud of our town and like in so many ways, in so many ways, the text messages, the way that they went from supporting us to in this transition.
Speaker 2:people we didn't even know were making curtains for the mom to help us get her house furnished for these kids, because these are things that the county doesn't do, and that's a whole other thing, right, so? Just like thank you, thank you, thank you to our community.
Speaker 1:I want to jump on that Thank you too, because I just want everybody to understand it's not just the people that were already in our foster care community that then they have stepped up right, Like all of our foster care families, and all those people have stepped up. But people that we just met for the first time at our church stepped up. Friends of ours that we just know from school and sports have stepped up in big ways that have had nothing to do with foster care in any other way before have stepped up and been just so helpful and impactful and it's just been so awesome to see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so thank you to you guys. That's pretty much it. That's our life update. So we're doing life updates once a month, but we don't just want to talk about ourselves. We want to like, try and encourage you guys and also have a little bit of fun. So stay tuned, yeah, and we hope that you guys have a good week and we hope that you find ways to be present and just find ways to have fun and laugh a little. We all need a good laugh.
Speaker 1:Stay classy, San Diego.