A Texas-Tinged Anniversary Setup

And when I think about it, I start sounding more Texas. So I'm fixing to preach if you're ready to receive it. The year was 1993. And I'm sorry that you've heard this year for almost seven weeks in a row now. But 1993 is the year that Urshana and I walked down, well, she walked down the aisle towards me, and we said I do. And here we are on Friday, it'll be 33 years that we've been married. And the reason why I wanted to tell this story so many times over and over again is not because I want you to know that we're celebrating 33 years of marriage, but I I want to be the first to just thank God for 33 years of marriage. And what I would tell you is in all of the stories that I've shared and all of the principles and lessons that I've shared and all of these were lessons that we had to learn. And it's not because we have a perfect marriage or because our marriage is easy. That the reason we're still married today, celebrating 33 years on Friday, is not because we're so good, but it is because God is so good. And then we made a commitment, and when we said to love and to cherish in sickness and in health, for richer for poor, until death do us part, we meant it. And we walked into a covenant that day that we said we would never walk away from, regardless of how hard it got. And so I'm just here to tell you as a testimony to God's faithfulness and how good God has been. We've been singing about it today, that if you really live in the spirit and the resolve of covenant, that no matter what you face, you will stand stronger on the other side of any difficulty. And so why don't you just turn to your neighbor and say, hey, um, I got some covenant making to do. That's what I said. And you have to apologize. I have to apologize because after service, Harsha and I leave for a little getaway for our anniversary, so I may speed this sermon up a little bit. So the other one you've been ignoring all day, just lean over and just say, Hey, you look great today. All right, well, today is the last Sunday of our series, I declare our marriage and relationship series. And um, I want to just give a couple of shout-outs before I go any further. Shout out to all the single people who made it through this series. Not every single Sunday was about you. Um, but you leaned in, you paid attention, you celebrated, you high-fived, you shared, um, you laughed, you cried with us. And then last week we stepped on your toes a little bit and um tried to straighten you out, and you came back this week. So well done, single people. You're thankful, thankful. Someday you won't be single, you'll be married to the glory of God if you want to. It is a choice. And then shout out to all the couples, all the married couples who put in the work and have been challenged and pulled to maybe a higher level. And um, and all of you that made the marriage retreat, what an amazing retreat we had. Just um so powerful. And I just want to say well done on making the sacrifice to be there. And we had so many moments that were like aha moments, like for instance, we learned yesterday that over 60% of the things we argue about in marriage will not be resolved while we live. They are perennial um difficulties that we face, outside forces, things around us, family, extended family, and we may not solve over 60% of the things we argue, which means you can take a breath and just be right, relax a little bit and not be so worried about fixing every single thing. And then the things that you can resolve, those things that come up seasonally or in situations, solve them as quick as you can. And do it with a heart of kindness and maturity to move forward in the relationships. Let me ask you this question, couples. How many of you could say that you married someone extremely or exactly opposite of you? Yeah, isn't that interesting? Interesting. Opposites. We know when we're dating, opposites attract, opposites attract, and then in marriage, opposites attack. And um while we were preparing for this, uh, while I was preparing for this message this week, um, Arshawn and I were driving, we had somewhere far out in the West suburbs to be together, and so I drove out there and she rode along with me. She's kind to do that sometimes, and I always reward her when she does travel with me with um lunch. When so on this day we went to Chick-fil-A. Because, hey, it ain't nothing like a waffle fry with some salt on it. Extra crispy. And um, I asked her, I said, like, are we really, are we really that opposite? Like, are there really things that we're so different on? Because I feel like sometimes we're we're we're kind of we make the same, we we love the same things, we're we're so compatible. It just are are there things that we're really different about? And while she was thinking about answering, and she took a while to answer, I looked over and we were driving to the next area, the next appointment, and and we were eating lunch, and we were both eating our fries first because that's what saved people do. And if you don't eat fries first, I'm praying for you. What are you doing? They're gonna get cold, and nothing's worse than a cold French fry.

Yeah, that's right.

Opposites: Cute Dating, Tough Marriage

One Flesh And The Third Strand

Declarations Recap And Today’s Pledge

Don’t Quit: Covenant Over Contract

Why God Hates Divorce

Jesus On Marriage And Oneness

Contracts Vs Covenants Explained

You know I'm preaching. Unfortunately, they're closed. Unfortunately, they're closed on Sunday, or I'd drive through there today and have some more. So I started thinking of what are the things we're different. I I'll tell you a few differences that I've noticed right away, and that I've noticed over the years, and it's really not changed. That's the one thing I probably need to repent about, is I like to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the very top. And she's like a bottom, take it from the bottom, like work from the bottom up. And so I like to go just squeeze the top. That's where all the toothpaste is. Just squeeze it. Where's that? Um, I enjoy the toilet paper roll to roll away from the wall so I can reach it easily, and she likes it to be close to the wall so it's neat and proper. Um, when it comes to uh our our silverware drawer, I like the silverware to be, and she has nice little compartments, but I like within the compartments for it to be nice and neat, compartmentalized as well. Like, don't put my salad fork in the same stack as the steak fork. And don't put the soup spoon in the same stack as the teaspoon. I know there's some OCD people with me. And put all the knives in the same direction, and the steak knifes go over there. That's where so there are differences. There are things that opposites attract, obviously, and then somehow in marriage, I think the reasons why we say opposites attack is because those differences are cute when you're dating, but they come become exaggerated when you're married and kind of annoying. Like I'm a drummer, I grew up playing the drums as a kid, and um and so I never stopped playing the drums. I mean, no, I don't I couldn't sit on that drum set and play a thing today. I don't know what I it's not like riding a bike. I would probably make a mess of the songs because number one, the style's different, they play different now than I I used to just play in the twos and fours, good old gospel beats, and now they play all over the place. It's like, I don't know, and they're fantastic drummers, but I still drum when I'm driving. Tapping, tapping, tapping, playing. And I'm a good drummer while I'm driving, but some sometimes she'll just reach over and put her hand on my leg, just like, and I know what that means. Stop drumming, you idiot. She might not say it that mean, but sometimes that's how it sounds. But we're different, and those differences are subtle, but they become exaggerated at times. And I think maybe that's why this series has resonated so much, because it's timely for us, and it wakes us up out of the monotony and boringness of life, of just getting by. And I'm so thankful that so many of you have chosen not just not just to live and settle for um the mundane in your marriage, but to have some life and to have some spice, to have some passion. And um, our key verse is Genesis 2.24, it says, that is why, that is marriage, is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. That is why. Uh the goal of marriage is not to make somebody to be like you. So the goal in marriage is not for us to be alike, the goal for a marriage is for the two of us to become one. And I was thinking about the verse that I shared at the very beginning of this series, um, how that a strand of two is is is good. Two are better than one, the Bible says. But a strand of three is not easily broken. And I have this strand of yarn that's two, and I'm gonna weave it together, and it's very good. Two are better than one. But I can still, even though I've woven them together, I can still pull them apart. But when I add a third strand, and in this case, it is a fishing line that you barely can see except for the light. If the light were not here, you would not be able to see it. And maybe most of you with your eyes, you can't see it anyways. But if I weave these three together, even though the two by themselves was easily torn, once I work all of these three in and I weave them, it doesn't matter that I could tear the two apart individually. With that third strand, I cannot tear it apart. And that is the difference of having God at the as the priority in your marriage, knowing that no matter what you face, he'll be with you. No matter how difficult it is, God is strong and mighty with us, and that there's nothing impossible to God. It will be impossible with man, but there's nothing impossible with God. And so I just want to lean in and share these seven uh declarations today. We did six of them already. I'm gonna go through them and there's here they are the recap. We first said, I declare that God will be my priority. We said, I declare I will intentionally pursue my spouse. We said, I declare our marriage will be we above me. Then we moved into relationships. I will speak life into my relationships, and we talked about the power of declaration, God's word over our life. And then we said, I will invest in meaningful relationships. That was small group Sunday, and we've already kicked off an incredibly strong small group season. And then last week for all the singles in the house, we said, I will pursue a godly path in dating. It's been a tremendous series, and I'm gonna close it today. And here's today's declaration for married couples. At the end of this message, we'll have a quite uh quite a powerful uh closing that you'll be a part of. But here it is, today's declaration. This year, with God's help and the power of the Holy Spirit, I declare I will not quit. Our covenant, our marriage is a covenant, not a contract, and I'm in this until death do us part. So we're in it for the long haul. So today, my final plea to you is to stay in the game, no matter how your marriage is right now. If it's wonderful, praise God. If it's difficult right now, praise God because God's with you. You're not alone. And one of my favorite phrases from the weekend was Dr. Donna when she said, Your marriage today, no matter how it is, is worth putting in the work so that it can become what you wish the marriage was. And I'm just gonna tell you, if you're looking outside of your marriage thinking it could be better somewhere else, guess what? The same person in your marriage now is going with you to the next one. You. So you might as well stay in this marriage and put the work in so that can be all that you ever thought and dreamed it could be. And it's worth it. I need a married couple to say it's worth it. So today I want to tell you there's no shame for you to carry in this house. There's no guilt for you to feel in this house, no matter what your past has been and what has happened up until this moment. I'm not preaching to make you feel bad. I'm not make preaching to make you carry shame. I'm preaching to help you understand there is a better way, and that God has a demand for us to live in a covenant to say, I will not quit. So I'm gonna begin. It's just very simple. The very first thing, if you decide not to quit, is you need to know this. God hates divorce. Say, PC, that's a little strong on Sunday morning. This is 11 o'clock service. Don't you want to say it a little nicer? Well, I could, but I'm just gonna tell you what the word of God says. Malachi 2.16, God Himself says, I hate divorce. Mind you, God's not saying he hates you for being divorced. God says, I hate divorce. Because God hates what hurts his people. And sometimes I wonder if we ever get enough inside of us to hate the things that God hates. We want to be so nice and so kind, so consider and so compassionate. Listen, God is a compassionate God. Pastor Matthew talked about it. His mercies are new every single morning. Great is his faithfulness to us. There is no greater faithfulness than the faithfulness of God, but God is kind and compassionate, but he hates the things that hurts us. And so God doesn't hate you for going through a divorce, God doesn't hate you for the circumstance of divorce. God hates the effect of divorce, the pain that it causes. And I would tell you this: that when two people come together as one, I shared it last week in the message when I had those two pieces of paper glued together, and you cannot tear that paper apart without taking each side of that paper with it. You carry that forever. When I was reading and preparing, I read of this account of one of the survivors of the Holocaust, and she talked through all the pain of that terrible tragedy and the assault on that group of people, and how difficult it was, and how much loss there was, and how much pain there was. But in it, she said, of all of that, the most painful experience of my life was my divorce. Isn't that crazy? The most terrible tragedy against a group of people in that era, and how much pain was caused, and even the greater pain was her own personal separation from the person that she loved. You see, God doesn't hate the people of divorce, God hates the cause the result of the divorce, the pain of the divorce. In the New Testament, the Pharisees were always testing Jesus and asking him questions to trick him so they thought he would answer in a way so they could hold him accountable and kick him out of the temple and eventually crucify him for what he would say. And it says some of the Pharisees in Matthew 19 came to him to test him and they asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? I'm thinking they're gonna trick him up because Jesus is compassionate and loving. He brings people in, he's with those who he said, I did not come for the rich and the famous, I came for the ones who need a savior, for the ones who need a physician. I didn't, the sick need a physician, and that's why I'm here. He sat with the publicans and he sat with the sinners, and so they're like, we're gonna get them. Because Jesus loves everybody. And so they asked him this question. He said, Haven't you read it? He said that at the beginning the creator, look at this, made them, male and female, and said, For this reason, what is the for this marriage? For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother to be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Does that sound familiar? That's our main verse we've been reading for seven weeks, Genesis 2.24. And I'm gonna tell you this Jesus was quoting Genesis 2.24, not because he knew the word, but because he is the word. John 1 says, the word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory. So God's quoting, Jesus is quoting the word, he is the word quoting it to the people, saying, Listen, they're gonna become one. The two will become one. So they are no longer two but one. You see, when marriage it's no longer his and hers, it's ours. It's no longer my life and her life, it's our life together. And he says, no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. God doesn't want you to go through the pain of divorce. That's why I think it's worth it to have a resolve in your spirit and say, don't quit. Jesus is trying to safeguard you from the pain that divorce can cause. The second principle today is that marriage is a con a covenant. Marriage is a covenant. You see, we're used to contracts in our life. And in contracts, you can, they say you're this is an inescapable clause of the contract. Well, you can get out of it. If you get a good enough lawyer, if you're a smooth enough talker, you can find your way out of a contract. If you buy a cell phone with a company you no longer, you don't like how they're serving or you think they're paying too much money, what do you do with that cell phone? You take it to the other carrier and say, listen, take over this thing. I want to switch, but you're in a contract. Yeah, it's okay. We'll take you out of that contract and put you in a new one. When you're tired of driving your car and you're under contract for how many months you're gonna be paying for that car, you can drive straight to the dealer and say, you know what, I know this is a contract, but I want to get into a new one. Shinier, brighter, faster, taller, louder. We're used to contracts because we like contracts because we can get out of them. But marriage is a covenant. And you see, in a contract, the difference between a contract and a covenant, a contract is typically uh, it's generally temporary. But a covenant is never ending. A contract is based on self-interest, but a covenant is based on sacrificial love. And a contract is if you hurt me, I'm out, I'm gone, I walk away. But in a covenant, if you hurt me, I lean in because I'm committed. And I could give you a biblical uh definition of covenant. It's this when one party fails, the other does more to make sure the relationship stays intact. That the idea of covenant is I'm willing to be unhappy until we can get it right and be happy together. There's a power, powerful presence in committing and walking in covenant. And you see, marriage is the picture of what God did for us. How much Jesus loved his church. And I'm so thankful that Jesus didn't wait for me to get my life right before he died on a cross for my sins. And I'm so thankful that every time I come to him and repent, because listen, none of us are sinless. We're trying to just sin less. And so when I come to him and I repent of a sin that I've made through the day or through the week, and I say, God, I'm so sorry. Jesus, forgive me. He doesn't hold it against me and say, Hey, you you know what? You know what the problem is, Chuck? You asked for forgiveness about that last week. Why aren't you changed already? Jesus is like, you're forgiven. It's already covered by the blood. In fact, the Bible says, as far as the East is from the West, I will remember your sins no more. So He chooses not to remember. It's difficult for us to forget when somebody wrongs us, but we can choose not to remember. And so we walk in covenant. And you know, I would tell you that there's two biblical reasons in Scripture through the Old Testament why divorce was a lot. It was first, um, complete abandonment. If somebody completely abandoned their spouse, divorce was okay. And the other was for sexual infidelity. But I would tell you, those were not commandments, those were concessions. And I just want to tell you that a marriage can survive and a couple can recover from any disaster, no matter how terrible it is, as long as both parties are willing. To fight for it and patiently do the work to recover the marriage. And I say patiently because it is a long process to rebuild trust. It is a long process to rebuild intimacy. It is a long process to work and put the work in hours and hours and days and conversations and just trying to be consistent again. It's a process. But if two people are willing to put in the work, it doesn't matter what the marriage is facing, has faced, they will recover. I've seen it over and over again. I've seen it in my family. I've seen it in my friends. I've seen it in people that I've pastored. I've seen it in couples that I've counseled. It is possible to get through any disaster because the third thing about this not quitting mentality is that God can heal any marriage. He can mend the brokenness of your heart. He can bring peace in your life. Where there was trauma and turmoil, he can just saturate you with a peace that passes understanding. He can heal you and fill you with his spirit that gives you an empowerment to stand stronger than you ever thought possible. When you know that you failed again and again, the Holy Spirit can come and raise a standard of excellence in your life to do better. God can heal any marriage. So today, as we close out on this series, it's not going to be easy. A great marriage isn't great because it's easy. A great marriage is great because there's a lot of work that went into it. Billy Graham, the greatest, one of the greatest. The greatest, I'll just say it. The greatest evangelist of our era. Recently passed away, but Billy Graham preached crusades and would preach in stadiums packed with thousands and thousands of people, and he would preach the word of God relentlessly. And he would preach strong, and then he would make an altar call. And I remember even as a kid, we didn't have a TV growing up until I was about 12 or 13. But whenever I was at a friend's house and you could find it on a TV, he would on a Saturday night, Billy Graham Crusades, and I would find those, and it would be blurry, pixely pictures, black and white. And Billy Graham would be preaching the gospel and making the altar call, and you would just see the people flooding out of their seats in the stadium towards the stadium floor to fill the front and give their life to Jesus. He was such a powerful man. He and his wife Ruth were married a number of years. And he traveled a lot and he had pretty high standard when he traveled, but he was also human. In one of the interviews, they asked Ruth, they said, Ruth, have you ever considered divorcing Billy? And she thought for a minute and she says, Well, I never considered divorce, but I thought about murder a couple times. And if you're married, you can say amen. You see, this is what I know. Probably 99.9% of marriages will face what I call a danger zone in their marriage. One, maybe two, maybe more. Where in that danger zone it looks critical, unrecoverable, looks like disaster. I don't know how we'll ever get through it. Typically. Like it was for Ashana and I, it was between years five and six. When out of pride and arrogance, selfishness, stupidity, I made some terrible decisions. And only by the grace of God and the kindness of my beautiful wife, and her willingness and her grit to say, I'm not gonna quit. Are we standing here today? Happy and in love, leaving for this trip in 24 minutes. But for most marriages, it's between years five and seven, and then there's another critical time between 18 and 20. And I'm gonna tell you a few years ago after COVID. Probably the most difficult days of our life. Trying to be better parents, watching what we felt like the Lord had built, just be empty because you couldn't be in this space, and trying to be positive and speak good things over all the things, and what used to be full, we would come in and it was empty. And I'm just gonna tell you, it was a strain on me, and because it was a strain on me, it was a strain on her, and because it was a strain on us, it was a strain on our marriage. But a kid. Not because we're good, church. I know I get to share all the good stories with you, and sometimes I protect from the bad stories because, well, I want you to respect me. But the reality is we've had difficult days, but we're together not because we're good, but because God is good and we've decided we're not gonna quit. In fact, somebody taught us, and we've held on to it since early in our marriage. I'm so thankful. I wish I knew who taught it to me. So I write them a letter and sent them a check of gratitude. But they taught us, guys, in your marriage, you're gonna have disagreement and discussion. And when you have those discussions, commit to each other not to use names, don't call each other names. Don't call her this and don't call him that. And you can use your imagination, or you probably know what you've used, the words you've used. And listen, it's not because I didn't want to call her something, it's just because we made a commitment not to do it. And then the other thing they told us is don't ever use the word divorce, don't have it be a part of your vocabulary. Because sometimes you can say it so quickly, and soon your words become your world. You cried wolf enough, and now here you go. And we just decided we'll never use that word, no matter how difficult, no hard, no, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how difficult the day, we're we will never use that word. And um, and that's just that has just helped us get through those danger zones. And I'm just gonna ask you when you look on the other side of the fence and you see green grass, what do you do? You go back and you water your own lawn, you invest in what God gave you. You speak kindness, affirming words, cherishing words, nourishing words, words of admiration, words of affection, some passion words. You water the lawn God's given you, and the garden will be beautiful. And I know what you're saying, PC, you don't know. Our marriage has been difficult, and I don't just I don't feel like it. I don't feel like working on it. I don't feel like I love her anymore. I don't feel like I love him anymore. Let me just tell you, what other area of your life can you make a decision based on feeling and not pay the penalty for that? Oh, I don't feel like going to work today. Great, you're not gonna get paid. I don't feel like feeding the kids today. Well, they're eventually gonna take them away from you. I don't feel like this, I don't feel like that. In marriage, love is not a feeling, it's a choice and it's an action word. And remember what I shared back a couple of weeks ago. We don't fall in and out of love, we fall in and out of acting lovingly. And so I'm gonna tell you, even on your most difficult days, if you'll wake yourself up and say, if you got to look in the mirror, say, today I'm gonna choose to love my wife. I'm gonna choose to speak kind words. And if I'm gonna cuss anybody out, it's gonna be you looking at me in the mirror. Because you're gonna do better, sir. You're gonna do better today. You're gonna love, you're gonna speak kind words, you're gonna provide, you're gonna protect, you're gonna praise God through it all. You're gonna present your family before the Lord in prayer. If you're gonna cuss anybody out, cuss the one in the mirror out. And then speak life into your marriage. Arshi, will you join me real quick and we'll close this out? I want everybody to stand. If you're a married couple in this room, um, I'm gonna invite you down to the front. Grab the hand of your spouse and join us if you'd like to make these declarations with us. You can stay where you're at, hold hands, couples, but invite you down if you're with us. So good. Thank you. Come on, feel the front end, guys, so everybody can reach. Feel them. Come on, this is amazing. Young couples, I love it. Old couples, newly married couples, couples that have been married forever. Couples who are still smiling, couples whose smiles have been wrinkled by the years. In the 9 a.m. service, Sue and Nolan lead our small group for 55 and over. She came up to me, she said, PC, I always tell people that you really spend two seasons in marriage. It's loving in the marriage and then just being married because you loved her. That you just one of those seasons. Sometimes I love her because I love her. And sometimes we're married because I loved her before and I'll love her again. But baby, I want to, guys, I'm gonna say this and then I'm gonna you repeat it after me, okay? And just instead of using Ursana's name, insert your wife's name, please. I think we had somebody in the 9 a.m. service. I heard a oops, so and then Ursana will lead you, ladies. Are you ready? I take you, Ursana, all over again to be my wife. I love you for better or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, tell death do his part. In our marriage, I make these declarations. God will be my priority. I will intentionally pursue you. Our marriage will be we above me. I will guard the purity of our marriage, and I will not quit. I love you.

All right, ladies. I take you, Chuck, all over again as my husband. I love you for better or worse, for richer or poor, sickness and in health, till death do us part. In our marriage, I make these declarations. God will be my priority. I will intentionally pursue you. Our marriage will be we above me. I will guard the purity of our marriage, and I will not quit.

Amen. Let me pray for you real quick. Father, I pray for every person in this room, but I especially pray for married couples. God, that you would just breathe a brush of a breath of fresh air into their marriage, into their life. Lord, as they walk in covenant, that you will give them favor, wisdom, patience, that you will stir the flames of passion in their lives, that you will renew the gift of intimacy, and that you will help them walk together as one. And we make this prayer and we call it so in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen, church. Come on, let's celebrate together.