Hello friends, welcome back to Tarot Reflections. How are you doing today?
For me, so far this summer has been wonderful but wildly unpredictable. Lately I’ve felt like I’m being pushed to step things up, take myself into a new phase of my existence on this earth. And as with any period of growth and change, there has been a lot of discomfort and a lot of challenges.
It’s been a time of listening to my boundaries and honouring them. There’s a tweet I’ve been seeing again and again that captures the energy I have been embodying since March, and it makes me chuckle every time. It reads “recovering people pleasers will be like “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.”
Yeah, I’m in my villain era folks.
But drawing boundaries isn’t always easy, especially if it’s not something you’ve always done well. And drawing boundaries with people who are or were important to you can come with a lot of painful feelings. In my case, it has led to the removal of a number of formerly important people in my life. This has felt like a lot of loss lately, and I’ve been grieving like you would with any other loss.
And with those losses and that grief has come a lot of anger. A lot of burning, firey anger.
Now when you get angry, really painfully angry at someone you cared for, do you find yourself repeating a lot of negative thoughts? Be it memories of times they hurt or wronged you, lies they told you, or even vengeful fantasies of this person experiencing a similar pain you feel?
Because I do. My brain loves a good spiral.
My pain craves karma, and my brain loves the dopamine boost it finds in rumination.
“Rumination” describes that process of having certain thoughts on repeat. One example is repeating conversations over and over in our mind. Or in my case, repeating memories or repeated revenge fantasies.
Ruminating thoughts are a way our brain works to control anxiety. It can be a form of self-soothing.
But I find ruminating thoughts can hurt me just as much as they soothe me. When I think of someone’s actions that caused me pain over and over and over again, I begin to feel physically uncomfortable.
It’s almost as if my feelings of hurt and anger and vengeance and rage are a liquid and that my body is a container. But as I ruminate over and over again, more and more liquid is added to the container. At a certain point, my body is incapable of containing any more liquid, and I experience a physical discomfort at that. A feeling that I’m about to physically burst, and the pressure needs to be alleviated.
So what do I do? I express the ugly thoughts. And I share them with someone I trust, someone who respects my need to say these things so that I’m able to let them go. Usually, this person is my mom or my best friend.
I express my thoughts so I can release those feelings. So I can drain the container. So I can relieve the pressure.
And it helps. It’s one of my most valued tools in my mental health toolbox. My loved ones know I don’t intend to linger on those thoughts or analyze them at any level. They usually validate my feelings and leave it at that. Which is all I need, all I’m looking for.
And by doing that, the thoughts stop. Sometimes they’ll come back later, but it’s usually never as strong as before. And they’re always easier to manage and experience.
So if you’re ever ruminating on something and you begin to feel uncomfortable in your body, think of someone you trust and try to express in order to release.
And now, this week’s reading.
For those new to the podcast, and actually for those returning, here’s how this podcasts reading works. Because I’ve shifted it up a bit. Really subtly though, I’m honestly curious if anyone is even going to notice the change.
Each episode, I draw two tarot cards as a tool of communicating with the Universe. Through these cards, She shares with me a message for the week ahead and a message for mental resilience.
This week, we’ve pulled The Page of Wands Reversed and The Sun Reversed.
If you're feeling full of exciting ideas but no clarity this week, you're not alone. There's a new pursuit that's caught your attention but it's not feeling fleshed out yet, and it might not be in alignment with what you need right now. Take your time with this.
Alternatively, some of you might be feeling more stuck in the projects and passions you're currently pursuing. You might be having self-doubts and feelings of failure. Our Page of Wands reminds us of the importance in being adaptable and learning from mistakes.
This week also sees The Sun in Reverse, and the position of this card here is telling us that this period of feeling stuck is causing a lot of stress, anxiety, and it's draining our happiness. It's depleting our joy. The Sun Reversed calls on us to create moments to explore and connect with your inner child again. That we will heal, learn, and overcome through play.
Okay. I JUST did an episode on creating moments for child-like joy. It's Episode 30 and if you haven't caught it yet, I'm going to link it in the show notes if you want to further explore the idea of connecting with your inner child.
But seriously, you've been adulting hard lately. We need to create more moments for fun to support our mental health these days. So go, play.
On a final note, The Sun in Reverse is also a good indicator these set backs, this feeling of being stuck... it's only temporary.
That's it for this week friends. If you made it this far into the episode and you haven't subscribed to Tarot Reflections yet, what are ya doing?! Go hit that subscribe button, give us a follow. And while you're there, consider leaving a rating or review to help others discover the podcast. If you've listened to recent episodes, you know I've been thinking about changing up the social spaces and with the introduction of Threads, I finally did it! You can find me at megansawitch on Instagram, TikTok, and Threads. I have officially left Twitter because Elon Musk is a bigot and a misogynist.
Until next time friends.