Stalking Signs You Should Never Ignore

According to SPARC, stalking is a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety or the safety of others, or suffer substantial emotional distress. In this episode, we sit down with stalking survivor and advocate Nicole Bialko to name what stalking really looks like and why it so often gets romanticized or minimized. Using Nicole's personal experience as a backdrop, we walk through warning signs, documentation, and what it takes to keep pushing for safety when the system feels hard to navigate.

We also get practical about respecting our own intuition and about what matters most when you’re trying to stay safe: understanding stalking as a pattern of behavior that causes fear or substantial emotional distress, and building documentation that clearly shows that pattern. Nicole shares tips for creating a simple timeline, saving texts and emails, capturing time-stamped photos or video, and gathering witnesses when possible. We also talk about the reality of reporting stalking, including moments of support from law enforcement and the frustration that can hit once a case moves into the court system, where communication gaps and plea deals can leave survivors feeling minimized.

Transcript

Why Stalking Gets Misread

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today, we welcome Nicole Bialko to discuss the important and often misunderstood topic of stalking. Drawing from her personal experiences, Nicole shares her journey from victim to advocate, offering insights and practical advice for survivors and those who support them. We also explore the warning signs of stalking, the importance of documentation, navigating the legal system, and empowering survivors to use their voices for change. This episode was recorded on location at the 2026 Conference on Crimes Against Women in Dallas, Texas, and includes a discussion about stalking. You can read Nicole's bio and more about her workshop on our website, conferencecaw.org. I'm Maria McMullen, and this is Genesis, the podcast. Nicole, welcome to the show. Thank you. Thank you for being here. We're on site at the 2026 Conference on Crimes Against Women, where you are a presenter and you're presenting all about stalking, correct? Yep, that's correct. So, how many presentations did you make this week?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

It was just one yesterday. My presentation is called Stalking a Love Story, but love is in quotes.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Of course, yeah, because it never is, right? Let's talk about that and your personal story because I'd love to understand what happened to you that led you to become an advocate for stalking survivors.

When A Relationship Turns Dangerous

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Right. So I met someone online. I had gone through a divorce and spent a lot of time alone. So I think I was more vulnerable and insecure at that time than I realized, and met someone online. And eventually when I tried to end that relationship, it became very difficult. And it led to him stalking me, and I had to get the authorities involved. And the situation escalated to him being indicted by a grand jury. So there were felony charges. And then that ultimately led me to the Court of Common Pleas. And it was that experience that, you know, that's why I got involved as an advocate.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

So we're going to talk about some of the warning signs to stalking and lots of other things. Looking back on that relationship, how long was the relationship, first of all? So it was about a year, year and a half.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

And there were is concerns all through the relationship. I always say that I ignored my instincts and excused red flags. So it was always unhealthy and there was a lot of mental manipulations, emotional abuse. But it was really when I tried to get out of that cycle, is when everything escalated to the point of stalking.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

That's exactly what I was going to ask you about. Is like, were there things that that you noticed in the relationship that maybe you could share with us that other people can look for as well?

Red Flags And Love Bombing

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Right. So it was just I felt immediately that something was off. Something didn't seem right. And I couldn't quite articulate why I felt that way, but it was my intuition and I just ignored it. Um there was love bombing in the beginning. I know that we talk a lot about that more, but love bombing is a manipulative technique and it is a form of emotional abuse and control. And it comes to you in forms of you know excessive compliments. So, you know, he would tell me, Oh, you're the prettiest girl I've seen in real life, or there were a lot of excessive gifts in the beginning. So every time I saw him, he would bring me gifts and they made me uncomfortable. Like early on, he sent flowers to my work, and I just knew that they weren't genuine. I felt I was being claimed, you know? Yeah. And he was certainly attentive, but that love bombing evolved into other, like I would say, emotional abuse, you know, mental manipulation. So just kind of found myself trapped in that.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Yeah, that's really unfortunate. And it is an experience that I know I've heard a lot about with people who are in relationships that end up leading to stalking and and other forms of manipulation.

Building Proof With Documentation

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Let's talk about how we keep documentation on this, these types of behaviors. So, why is it important to keep documentation when you believe or if you are experiencing stalking? And what tips do you have for effectively documenting those incidents?

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Right. So for stalking, so you know, it can be, you know, once you've told that individual to stop and they continue, whether it's text messages, emails, trying to seek you out on social media, phone calls, they may, you know, come to your house unexpected, leaving you things, all of that, or even catching, you know, they may watch you or show up where you are. All of those are stalking techniques. So recommend the documentation because should this continue, you may need to petition the court for a protective order. And to secure that protective order, it's almost as if we have to be our own investigators. So you have to build your own evidence and your own timeline. And I know Spark was here, stalking prevention awareness resource center. They also have a timeline right on your their website that you can use, but it can be simple, just building a timeline, you know, the date, time, description of event. You know, I always say print those emails and text messages. If they send you flowers, you know, take pictures of the flowers, keep the card. So if you can build that evidence, because most venues, and and it can vary by venue, but most venues, three or more of that is a is a pattern. And the you having that evidence can help you secure that protective order.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Yeah, I would think photos, time-stamped photos could be really useful. And of course, witnesses, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Witnesses and even, you know, video. I had one time I came home unexpectedly because you kind of you change your routines, you know, kind of authentic, authentically, you you start to change your routines. And I came home, you know, out of out of an ordinary time and caught him watching me. He was sitting in my parking lot with just a bird's eye view of my front door. And I did take pictures and file a report, but learned then that you know video would have been better. So if you can, just like you said, the the date stamped on the photos, but also securing video.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Did you confront him when you found him in your parking lot?

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yep, there were a f a few times. That particular occasion, yes, because I started taking pictures of him and to, you know, to file the police report. There was one occasion that I did confront him. I lived in an apartment at the time, and he was continually circling the lot, so I couldn't leave. And on one time he he came to my property and he was there. So I went outside and I did confront him and kind of made a scene for the people that were around, just for witnesses, you know, you know, yelling for him to leave. So I did do that on one occasion.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

It's a lot on a victim to have to go through that to document all of these things, writing things down, taking photographs, taking video, you know, uh just the displays of, you know, trying to get someone to stop their behavior. And it's hard, right? And we hear this all the time when someone is stalked. They have to make the case, as you mentioned. Before we go any further, maybe we can give our listeners a good definition, a solid foundation of what is stalking.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Correct. So every state will have its own statute, but by definition, it is a pattern of behavior that's designed to make a reasonable person fear for their safety or the safety of others or cause them substantial emotional distress.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Yeah. And so I think it's it's not unlike other forms of abuse, right? Or gender-based crimes where we have patterns and probably file follows things like the power and control wheel, because this is an attempt to have power and control over another individual and intimidate them and use and you know make them feel fear, as you mentioned, and so on. So it's important to refer to that definition so you can like understand what you might be experiencing if you think you are in a relationship or experiencing something with a stalker. Let's talk about what the process is like with law enforcement when you believe you are being stalked, or even what your own experience was.

Police Help And Court Frustrations

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Can you describe that journey navigating law enforcement in the criminal justice system, particularly any experiences within the Court of Common, please?

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Okay, and back to the timeline, you know, build the timeline, you know, secure the evidence. But for me, and I know every situation varies, but for me, I had a lot of kindness and support from the police. So one of the things I always encourage is when this is happening, you know, if you do catch them watching you or you feel afraid and they show up unannounced to always contact the authorities. For me in the beginning, I think a lot of it went on longer than it should have because I didn't know that I could call the police. You know, don't you don't really know in that situation if you can, because maybe they're not physically harming you. And then sometimes it's just you don't want to have to call the police. You don't want to have to take that route, but you should. And for me, there was a lot of support from the police. I felt that they, you know, they took me seriously, they believed me. One police officer even said, you know, if you feel afraid, you call us. So I believe it they they were helpful to me, you know, even trying to give me techniques on what to do if you think you're being followed, or helping me take my vehicle to the correct place to get it up on the racks to see if anybody had put, you know, to see if he had put a GPS tracker on my vehicle. So I feel like my experience there with the authorities was good. They made me feel safe and they helped me. It was when, after it went to the grand jury and he was indicted to on the felony charges, and I started to, you know, navigate the court of common pleas, that's when I became frustrated and concerned, you know, for how I was being treated and for how others might have been being treated.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

So, what were the cause of some of those frustrations?

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Well, some of it was as I had learned a lot about this individual. He had presented himself as a Marine on the dating app. His license plate said combat veteran. But by this point, I had discovered that he was never a Marine. He was discharged after 31 days to receive that documentation. That was just kind of a shoulder shrug, you know. Oh, well, we can't do you know anything for someone who lies on a dating app. Right. Well, he had Ohio license plates. Somehow he lied somewhere. And I had found prior police reports in Ohio of where he broke into a garage, was pounding on doors and windows, issued a telecommunications warning, called the the the caller over a hundred times, and what that, so showing that pattern, but learning learning through the Court of Common pleas, well, that that's considered a prior bad act. So nothing they could do. And just asking them to do more, you know, to canvas for witnesses. For example, the one time I had had screamed, or even pulling GPS from his phone or his vehicle, you know, I was told that, you know, there was no crime scene. There was no dead body. So, and I always felt like somehow I was frustrating them by calling or wanting more or wanting more answers. So it just to that it wasn't a a good experience between the prosecutor and the advocacy coordinator assigned to my case.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah, I can see how that would be really off-putting and making you feel like you're getting nowhere. I mean, here on the one hand, law enforcement was helping you and advocating for you. And then once it finally hits the court system, it's like a roadblock. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

It just felt like, you know, I'm sure that, and and they did tell me that the courts were saturated. That's the language they use, saturated with stalking cases. But I just felt like for even the advocacy coordinator, who's really designed to be a liaison between the victim and the court, was more of a prosecutor's assistant. And I could feel her frustration anytime I had, you know, called or wanted something or wanted more answers. So was he eventually prosecuted? He there was a plea deal. So after about a year, he pled to criminal mischief, which, you know, that was difficult because it went from these felony charges of menacing by stalking, violating a protective order, and burglary all the way down to criminal mischief, which, you know, that was difficult because that's like graffiti, essentially. So it it just likened my experience, or at least that's how I felt, so like a minor property damage incident. So it was just very frustrating. And I did give a victim impact statement to the court, but I just even even to this day I don't feel it had any impact.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

So once he was charged with criminal mischief and he paid whatever fine and was sent on his way, did he cease and desist stalking and bothering you?

SPEAKER_01 13:37

With with me, and there was a point of time when the the criminal mission of the plea deal wasn't final, that I had caught him watching me while I was in a nail salon and did file a report and that, but nothing ever happened. So there were minor, well, I don't know if to my to me it wasn't minor. Apparently, to the court, it was infractions there that nothing ever happened. But after, no, he was in ways that I didn't know. Like I I did a podcast, strictly stalking, and starting my advocacy work, and he was listening to it and playing it for other girlfriends and that. So there was a way that he was still watching me without me knowing it. And he did continue the behavior just with other other women.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

He sounds like he was obsessed with you. Is that how you would describe it?

SPEAKER_01 14:31

I would say yes, I that's how I feel about any stalker. It's very manic, obsessive by nature. You know, they see us as possessions.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

So for your healing process, you know, you got all through this, you it was a very long journey, right? Just to kind of document it and live that experience and then get through the prosecution of this individual. I understand that you used to work through some of those. Tell us about that part of it.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

So, yes, I've kept a journal since I was 10 years old, and around that time wanted to do something more with it. So I started the Journal Bee, which was a blog now website where I had the opportunity to just write through, not even just my personal journals, but write through some of what I experienced with love bombing and red flags and sob stories, just trying to get that pattern that does exist out there. And also just to, you know, for my own healing and understanding of it. Because I always feel that in these situations and and from what I've read to journaling could be for me, not for everybody, but you know, there was a lot of emotion attached to that. And I had to find ways to redirect it into something more positive or take action in another way. So for me, it just happened to be writing.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Yeah, I'm sure there are lots of ways people can kind of heal from those types of experiences. I think that's a really important one because it not only worked for you, but it also can be shared widely with others who who may need to find some common ground when they're having these types of experiences as well. And now you are an advocate. Tell us about your work there.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

So that's just it started kind of slow, I would say. Started with the journal B, and then I had an opportunity to volunteer for a local nonprofit and wrote the article, wrote an article called Stand Up to Stalking,

Healing Through Writing And Advocacy

SPEAKER_01 16:27

which I did interview the director of domestic violence and stalking unit for Franklin County. That's Columbus, Ohio. And then in my effort to you know get that article some visibility, I connected with the Ohio Domestic Violence Network and really just such a great organization. They listened to me and they gave me a platform, made me a member of their speakers bureau. And from there, it's just little by little, you know, doing radio or news or podcast and just going to events, take back the night, different events for communities to, you know, spread the awareness. Because I think there is a misunderstanding about stalking. I think oftentimes it's romanticized or it's joked about. And I don't think that people realize how pervasive and dangerous it is, um, especially for those on the receiving end. And the statistics are quite daunting. I think we've talked about this before, and the information is available on Spark, but 76% of intimate partner murder victims were stalked prior to their death. So I don't think people sometimes understand the serious nature of stalking.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

So you're absolutely right. Uh it is more dangerous than people realize and can be part of a more complex web of manipulation and abuse than we might know about before something more desperate happens or more lethal happens. Now, you talked a little bit about intuition. Intuition is critical when you're dealing with something like stalking because intuition will alert you to elements of fear that in a way that you may not otherwise be able to pick up on. It's an inkling, it's a feeling, it's just, you know, in your gut, right? So tell us about what role intuition plays in recognizing and responding to stalking and how survivors can build confidence after trauma.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

So with intuition, I felt like I had mentioned earlier, mine was firing right from the jump, you know, right from likely the second date. And I just ignored it. And I always felt, especially at the onset of this journey, had I just listened to that. Just at any point in anyone's experience, I think it's important to go back. And if some things you're not quite sure, I always say if you don't know how you know, but you know, follow that. Especially if the hairs are going up on the back of your neck, it can keep you safe. So if you I always say if you're feeling fear, you're feeling it for a reason. You know, you have to trust that and take whatever steps necessary to protect yourself. It's just when it comes to intuition, don't ignore it. It's there to protect you.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Absolutely. And we just released a series on fear on Genesis, the podcast, a couple of weeks ago. And it's a good overview of all the different elements and dynamics of fear, which I would, and we definitely talk about intuition in that series. And I would ask listeners when they have the time to go back and listen to it so they could learn a little bit more deeply about what intuition is, how it affects your body, how it affects your brain, right? And you know, we you might relate to that information about feeling fear, especially in relationship to any type of stalking behaviors may you may be experiencing. I did want to say something else about intuition. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

So and I also believe with intuition, we've all experienced it even for the good. You know, we just we knew what that friend was gonna say when we

Intuition Support And Key Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 20:02

picked up the phone, or for whatever reason we decided to go to this store and not that, and we saw, you know, met an old friend from high school or anything. So I feel like too, it's important in when you have some downtime to think about in your intuition and times that you followed it for the good and it worked out. And think about how that felt in your body and remember that, you know, because then next time when your intuition is firing, you can tap into no, this is what this feels like for me. I'm going to trust it.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Yeah, that I'm so glad you brought that up because that is exactly one of the things that we covered in our series about fear, and that fear can be your friend at times because if those hairs stand up on the back of your neck, that's protecting you. That's kicking in the amygdala and your survival system, and you need to take action in order to be safe. So I don't want people to be afraid of fear. I need them to understand what it is and what they can do to, you know, use it to their advantage, right? Embrace it, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Because I think we're the only species who will ignore it. Right. Well, we'll we'll have that fear and they oh no, no, try to explain it away. No, don't explain it away. Trust what your body's telling you.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Yeah, we talked about different animal responses to fear in that series. You know, the bunny rabbit will run away and the deer will run away, and the possum will play dead. But the human walks right into it. Yeah, it's like, I don't know what's going on. Um, so yeah, respect your intuition for sure. What steps should institutions take to ensure a survivor-centered response and greater accountability when it comes to stalking?

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Well, I believe take the victim seriously. And you know, even yesterday someone came up to me and was was expressing to me, I don't know what they do in the courts, but just that, you know, the the victims get very frustrated with needing to document. And I understand that because, you know. Like we had to be our own investigators, but I always say we owe ourselves the difficulty. But I feel that you know we're doing this, and if the court isn't doing anything to help, that that's why the frustration on our part begins. You know, you're telling us to document it now, take it seriously. Now do something with us, even if it is just a small win, quote unquote. Keep us informed. And I think too, to some degree, educate us on the criminal justice system so that we better understand. I think they take that for granted. And I think like even leading up to my case, had somebody explain to me early on that, oh, the the likelihood of this case being a plea deal of criminal mischief. So I think educating us through the process and supporting us. And I also feel that, you know, those who work in the court, let's not forget you are in service. And let's also be mindful of even soft skills of how you're you're talking to the victims. Like I said, in my situation, I felt that the advocacy coordinator was not my liaison, but was the prosecutor's assistant. You know, some soft skills, I think, would help. I know that they are up against it too, but a better way to educate us and support us through some kindness.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

And then on the other side of that, how can people advocate for themselves who who are in these situations?

SPEAKER_01 23:27

I think, like I said, with the documenting and keep picking up the phone, you know, keep for me, it was trips to the courthouse. I kept going back because it really doesn't stop. Even he had attempted to get the record expunged. So you're going back, you're writing the court again, you're reliving it all over again. But I think you just you have to find ways to keep going and pick up the phone, call the prosecutor, call the police, keep the paper trail going. And also find ways. I know we talk a lot about our physical safety, but find ways, like I said, to redirect those actions or those emotions into actions and whatever that might be for you.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

Any advice on how friends, family, people in the community can support victims of stalking?

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Well, I think listening, you know, listening goes a long way and believing them. You know, we talked about this, and I can't recall if we talked about it earlier, but it's just often so romanticized. And because of that or because it's joked about, I don't think it's taken seriously. So I think listen to them and believe them. I think it goes goes a long way.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Just explain romanticized for listeners. I think I know what you mean, but I want them to understand that.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Right. And I feel, you know, we've seen that uh in the movies. There's a lot of movies out there, or even plays, or just anything in the media where, you know, a girl or or even a guy says, you know, no, I'm not interested, but it's portrayed that maybe they didn't mean it and they'll do anything to get the girl and keep coming back and sending flowers and all of the things that seems romantic in a movie, but in real life, when you've told someone no and they won't stop, it's scary and you don't know what else they might do. So that's what I mean when I say romanticized.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

I think that persistence is seen as romantic, as you said. And I think, you know, it causes people to doubt themselves, like, you know, well, maybe he's not that bad. Maybe I was wrong about him. Uh, and again, it's going against everything you might have believed, what your gut was telling you, you know, at the outset. Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

And maybe we need to flip the script there and explain that boundaries, that's romantic.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Yeah. Oh, I love that. That's a that's a great, that's great advice. What key takeaways do you hope listeners will gain from both the presentation you made and the conversation today?

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Well, really, just the importance of trusting your instincts and how that can protect you, especially in moments of doubt or adversity. But I also think I was always saying never excuse a red flag. And I know we didn't, you know, talk about that, but there are a lot of red flags out there that can signal to you, sound the alarms to keep yourself safe. So go ahead and tell us what those are. So always we would be concerned with anybody who is always playing the victim. So when it doesn't matter, you know, what happened, if there's always somebody else to blame, it's somebody else's fault, be careful of that. Be careful of anyone who attempts to control who you spend your time with or how you spend your time. And when you elect to, you know, spend time with family or friends, there's anger or outbursts. I know for me, I always felt that it created this chaos and there was this takeover of my life, and I wasn't doing the things I enjoyed. And I would also recommend be, you know, listen and pay attention if they change any timelines or change their narrative. I know in my situation, he had moved from Ohio and he kept telling me he moved from Texas, but his phone number was Oklahoma. And I could never quite pinpoint, well, when when did you get divorced? And so little things like that, if they're changing their narrative, pay close attention. And also, I would say, even little lies. So be careful of anybody who's gonna, it seems little, it seems harmless, but if there's no reason to lie. So be be mindful of all those things if you see those in a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Yeah, that's really good advice. Nicole, thank you for talking with me and for the work that you do.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Genesis Women's Shelter and Support exists to give women in abusive situations a way out. We are committed to our mission of providing safety, shelter, and support for women and children who have experienced domestic violence and to raise awareness regarding its cause, prevalence, and impact. Join us in creating a societal shift on how people think about domestic violence. You can learn more at GenesisShelter.org and when you follow us on social media, on Facebook and Instagram at Genesis Women's Shelter, and on X at Genesis Shelter. The Genesis Helpline is available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, by call or text at two one four nine four six HELP. Two one four nine four six four three five seven. Mm-hmm.