OD #14 - If They Do These 4 Things… RUN (Financial Red Flags)

The happiest-looking couples often hide the messiest money fights. We pull back the curtain on the small financial signals that predict big relationship stress, then map the green flags that make building a life together feel calm, fair, and forward-moving.

We start by identifying the four major red flags: secretive spending, a lifestyle that outpaces income, avoidance of basic money conversations, and fundamentally opposing financial goals. Along the way, we explain why these patterns snowball into debt, resentment, and lost time, and how to spot them early without interrogations or awkward dinners. Then we shift into the good news—three practical green flags: partners who discuss money with ease, live within their means, and set realistic goals that show direction and growth. You will hear simple, respectful ways to bring up money while dating, questions that reveal values, and a quick framework for deciding whether to lean in and grow together or step away before it gets costly.

If you want a relationship built on trust, transparency, and shared progress, this is your field guide. Learn how to read the cues around spending, debt, and priorities; how to align timelines for saving, investing, and big purchases; and how to turn money from a source of friction into a team sport. Hit play to get practical scripts, clear examples, and a mindset that favors alignment over aesthetics. If this helped you spot a red or green flag, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review telling us your top non‑negotiable.

Chapters

• 0:00 Hidden Strain Behind “Perfect” Couples
• 0:50 Intro And Disclaimer
• 0:54 Why Financial Compatibility Matters
• 1:16 Red Flag 1: Secretive Spending
• 2:39 Red Flag 2: Lifestyle Exceeds Income
• 4:21 Red Flag 3: Dodging Money Talks
• 6:15 Red Flag 4: Opposing Financial Goals
• 7:00 Green Flag 1: Open Money Conversations
• 8:04 Green Flag 2: Living Within Means
• 9:06 Green Flag 3: Clear, Realistic Goals
• 10:13 How To Raise Money Early In Dating
• 12:02 When To Work On It Vs Walk Away
• 13:31 Closing And Listener CTA

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Let me tell you something I've seen over and over again. A couple looks perfect on the outside, but behind the scenes they're drowning in arguments, debt, secrets, and financial pressure. It never starts big, it starts with tiny red flags they ignored early on. Let's talk about those signs of this episode. I'll see you in there. Welcome back to another episode of the Finance Bible Podcast. Deep here, and you can still. But before we get into it, please note that nothing in this podcast should ever be considered as personal financial advice. Although financial advice is what you are speaking, let us know we can get into the three. But for now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Let's get into it. Welcome back to another episode of the Finance Bible Podcast. Today you're just joined with myself, Oscar, and we're diving into a topic I honestly think more people should talk about much earlier in their dating life, and it's money, red flags, and green flags. Financial compatibility is a huge part of long-term success in a relationship. And the truth is most people avoid talking about it until it's too late. So let's get straight into the first red flag. Red flag number one, secretive spending. One of the biggest early warning signs in dating is secrecy around money. And look, I'm no dating expert, but it's pretty obvious that is a pretty big red flag, in my opinion. And I'm not talking about you know being private, I'm talking about things not adding up. So little lies about spending, you know, hiding your bank notifications, being weirdly protective of their phone whenever a payment reminder pops up. Those behaviors usually signal a deeper issue. And people who are secretive with small transactions often become secretive with big ones later, and that's when the real damage actually happens. So a healthy financial foundation does just start with pure honesty. Like let them know what's going on, what you spend your money on. Um don't have to tell them everything, but just being honest and not hiding these big expenses. If someone can't be upfront about what they spend, you know, what debts they have or where their money actually goes, then for me, the trust isn't there. You you don't need to know every detail early on, but like for example, you should feel like they're not hiding a double life, you know, behind their excessive afterpay spending, you know, gambling apps behind your back, crypto losses without you even knowing. So transparency early makes everything a lot easier later on. Red flag number two, this is increasingly popular in today's day and age. Is lifestyle does not match the income. So this one's huge, especially in your 20s and 30s, as I just mentioned. It's incredibly common to meet someone who looks like they're living a high-end lifestyle. So they've got the watch, they've they've leased out a nice car, they buy nice clothes with their credit cards, international weekends away, but they're earning a very, very average wage in comparison to what they spend their money on. And there's nothing wrong with you know being ambitious and wanting to have the nice car, have a nice watch, have nice clothes, go on holidays. But if you're not earning the money to afford that, then why would you do it? There's there's literally no point. Like when the lifestyle massively outweighs the income, the gap is usually filled with pure debt. So that's not good debt. We're talking about bad debt, like we talked about in an episode last week. So credit card debt. Also, it could be personal loan debt, as in using a personal loan for literally these reasons. So if you're with someone and if you're someone who has real long-term goals, for example, wanting to set yourself up with investing in property or buying a home or just purely building wealth, that mismatch becomes a serious long-term issue. You can't build a stable future with someone who is constantly chasing status and image over actual financial security. And if that's something that's important to you and not important to them, then that's a massive red flag. Lifestyle inflation is one of the fastest ways to sabotage a relationship, and it's one of the easiest red flags to spot early on. I've got listed at number two. It could also be number one. It's it's very, very important. Number three, avoiding money conversations. So this is, for example, every time you know you have a chat with your partner, you bring up money, even just a casual chat, the other person shuts it down, completely gets so defensive, or just brushes it off. That is a red flag, in my opinion. It might seem harmless early when you're dating because you know it's probably not normal to talk about the money in the first few months. But longer term, when you start you know being with them for a lot longer, let's talk 12 months minimum, that's when it kind of requires those honest conversations around your budgeting, your spending habits, your debt, your future planning, and you probably figure out their spending habits anyway by being around them. But avoidance doesn't make the financial issues go away, it purely just delays it until it snowballs into a bigger problem. People don't need to have everything sorted. Like, not everyone has a financial plan. And many people were never taught anything about money. Like, even when you go to school, you get taught a little bit about money, but not the actual lessons that require life skills like budgeting or or tax or actually even borrowing money from the bank to purchase a property. You don't get taught any of that. The willingness to talk about it is what matters. When someone avoids talking about it entirely, that's usually because they don't want to confront their own habits. And that is a red flag. Now, red flag number four. This is the last red flag I've got before we get into the good stuff, the green flag. So this one is someone who has the opposite financial goals to yourself. So financial goals don't need to be identical, like you don't need to find a partner, and you have to have the same goals because not everyone's gonna have the same goals. If you do, great, but if you don't, that's fine. But they just need to be compatible. So let's say, for example, I want to save for a house and build a future while my partner wants to travel for 10 years or live week to week, that's a fundamental mismatch. These differences aren't about right or wrong, they're about alignment. So you can't move toward a shared future if you're walking in completely opposite directions. So if that is you, opposite goals eventually create stress, arguments, and resentment, which is not what you want. So one person feels held back and the other feels pressured, and before you know it, finance has become you know the issue of the fights, which is why money is also the top reason couples break up. So pay attention to the values and long-term thinking early. It can literally tell you a lot about the compatibility with someone else. All right, let's get to the good stuff. Now, let's talk about a few green flags that you should identify in dating. So, green flag number one, they can actually talk about money. So, in my opinion, this is a massive green flag simply because the ability to have a mature, calm conversation about money is a big tick. So, not having a hated debate, not someone who's defensive, not someone who's a bit awkward and shameful with their money, just a normal conversation. So, you know, someone can just say, Yeah, this is what I earn, this is what I spend, and here's where I want to improve. That is someone you can build a future with if you align with them. Talking about money openly builds trust. It actually makes planning a lot easier. It completely removes stress, it opens the door to teamwork. And Zeke and I have spoken about a lot. When you have money goals, it's actually kind of fun. It's like a real life game. You're trying to level up and get to the next level, and then once you get to that level, you try and level up again. You know, buy the thing that you want, as in an investment or a house, start moving up again. So it's a bit of fun. So someone who can actually talk about money, massive green flag. Green flag number two, someone who lives within their means. This is very underrated. It's funny that I'm actually saying that because it shouldn't be, but it's not about how much someone earns, it's about how they manage what they earn. So do they budget well? Are they saving enough money still? Are they paying for their expenses? Do they swerve some leftover cash? Someone who doesn't feel the need to impress randoms, someone who spends responsibly and who lives at a level that reflects their actual income. It shows discipline and self-awareness, which is a big green flag. When someone lives within their means, it shows they understand boundaries and priorities. It means they think ahead. They've probably learned hard lessons before and made some smart adjustments, which many people do. But financial stability comes from consistency, not the number on a pay slip. Like let's say, for example, the person who manages 60 grand well is usually in a stronger position long term than someone who gets paid 200, 250 grand, but spends it all and just mismanages it. It's it's very simple. It's it's the truth. Green flag number three, someone who has goals or even small goals, which is a big green flag and a big tick, in my opinion. Goals are a huge sign of maturity. They don't need to be extreme, just intentional. So short-term, medium-term, long-term goals, someone who says, I want to have 5k saved, or I want to clear my credit card, or I'm thinking about investing, is already ahead of most people out there because a lot of people do not have goals. And without goals, you can't progress and actually improve your life, in my opinion. It shows they actually care about their future. They're not stuck living in the moment and they actually have direction. Goals as well show potential for growth. You can build with someone who is moving forward even slowly. You can support each other, hold each other accountable, which I love. Having an accountability partner, be a financial accountability partner or even a fitness accountability partner, is unreal. Highly, highly recommend. That's what long-term compatibility is made of. Two people, same sort of vision, will always outperform two people who are drifting with no financial plan. So they are my three green flags and my four red flags. So I'm keen to hear what everyone thinks in the comments. But a question I've I've seen online quite a bit, which a lot of people are a bit iffy about, is they want to know how to bring up money early in a relationship without it actually being weird. Because if you're just on your second date and then you're talking about money, like, hey, how much money do you do you make, slash how much are you budgeting, etc.? People might get a bit of an ick and probably not ideal, but talking about money early doesn't mean interrogating someone on the second date. It's about observing and easing into the natural conversation. So just keep a lookout of how they react to a bill, how they talk about their future, you know, their attitude towards saving, spending, travel, lifestyle. These small moments can literally tell you far more than just asking what's your what's your credit score? So the key is to just watch reactions. Someone who can hold a casual money combo without panic is secure and grounded. Someone who gets angry, defensive, or dismissive over small topics like we spoke about just before will almost definitely struggle with bigger financial conversations in the future. So you don't need to force anything early, just pay attention. I've also got some works going on in an apartment building. So if you do hear drilling or a hammer, it is next door, which is always great fun on a Wednesday afternoon. Now, one more point I just want to talk about is when should you walk away versus when should you get into it and work on the relationship. Here is the reality: you do not need someone whose finances are perfect. Everyone, especially in movies and TV shows and and just social media, I feel like there's a big emphasis on finding someone who's wealthy, they got heaps of money, a crypto millionaire, someone who is has retired their parents, or you know, there's so many songs about having no broke boys and finding men who are who are wealthy and rich. But the reality is it's it's not really realistic for a lot of people. So you don't need someone whose finances are perfect, you just need someone who's honest and willing to grow. And if they're upfront about their situation and they're trying to improve their situation, that is a green tick and workable. Plenty of people come into relationships with debt, bad habits, or even no savings, and that is completely normal. A lot of the world's wealthiest people were in huge amounts of debt early on in their career, and they turned that around, and now they have a massive empire. So that's normal. But if there's lying, gambling, secret debt, or completely opposite financial values, that is the cue to walk away early because that's tough. You're probably not going to come back to that. If they're already being a bit secretive to you, that's a big red flag. But those behaviors rarely fix themselves without major intervention. Long term, those issues become expensive, stressful, and emotionally draining, which you do not want. So ideally, everyone deserves someone who shares a vision, someone who communicates honestly and moves forward with you and your own financial plan. But that's a wrap for today's episode. If this helped you spot a red flag or maybe recognize a green one, do us a favor, hit follow, subscribe, and send this to someone who needs to hear it. Because a lot of people ignore these signs early on, and it ends up costing them years of time and a whole lot of money. We appreciate you tuning in, and I'll see you next episode. Ciao. Well, that is the end of the episode. We hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, you know exactly what to do. Hit that follow button, like button, subscribe, share it to your friends, families, or even a co-worker. If you're really feeling generous, you can send it off to an ex. But catch you next time. Hope you enjoyed it.