Just My Baby Daddy Podcast
The Just My Baby Daddy Podcast is based on the need for real, authentic conversation centered around fatherhood in the black and brown community. For far too long, the narrative has been painted, skewed, and disseminated without actually hearing from the men. We are here to deliver compelling content that aims to inspire, educate, and shed light from the perspective of the father through genuine, authentic, and real conversation.
Just My Baby Daddy Podcast
Growing Up With a Teenage Dad: Lessons in Fatherhood and Sacrifice
In this episode of the Just My Baby Daddy podcast, AJ engages in a heartfelt conversation with Damien Haywood about the experiences and challenges of growing up with a teenage father. They explore the dynamics of fatherhood, the impact of early parenting on life choices, and the lessons learned across generations.
Damien shares personal anecdotes that highlight the sacrifices made by his father and the differences in parenting styles as he navigates his own journey as a father. The discussion emphasizes the importance of responsibility, love, and the evolving nature of family relationships.
#TeenageFatherhood #Parenting #FamilyDynamics #Sacrifice #Responsibility #FatherSonRelationship #GenerationalDifferences #Upbringing #LifeLessons #PersonalStories
Welcome back to another episode of Just my Baby Daddy Podcast. It's your boy, aj, and today we're going to talk about a subject that was almost very close to home for me. For me, laws were different back in what 2001 than they are now, so I didn't have that same experience that our guest is going through. Because this is something that I wanted to talk about, because I wonder what it was like had I actually been a teenage father, what it would have been like to actually try to raise a child and my guest here today we got Mr Damien Haywood, who is a father himself now, but he's also a product of a teenage father, and so I'd like to welcome our guest, mr Haywood. Appreciate you, brother.
Speaker 2:Man, definitely, brother, Appreciate you having me on brother.
Speaker 1:So the first thing I want to ask you is when you were growing up, could you tell that you know you had a young father?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I could a little bit because, like, I guess this is kind of how our relationship is now my father was always like a my best friend growing up. Obviously you know I know he was my dad, but he was a young father. Obviously you know, I know he was my dad but he was a young father. So any type of events that he will come to, he will always be like the youngest dad out of everybody. But you know, but I didn't know until I got older that he had me at such a young age. But yeah, I definitely could tell because he was always the younger. You know, he always is pretty much like a friend to me. So that's how we just like best friends right now. How old was he when he had you? So he was 17 when he had me and my mom was 16.
Speaker 1:So growing up like that, you never felt like man. My other friends, I see their dads, their moms like they look different than my mom, my dad. Nothing you just couldn't tell.
Speaker 2:No, I really couldn't tell. And one of the difference was, like you know, unfortunately, like a lot of my homeboys, I didn't see their father in their lives. You know. So, like, whenever my dad came around to any type of event, he it was like yo, that's damian dad right there, because, like, unfortunately, you know a lot of like my basketball teammates and stuff, like they always looked up to him Because my dad was just really cool, he outborn talking. So like it was just a simple fact that he would always show up for me, when most of the time it would just be a mother showing up for my friends.
Speaker 1:Right. So let me ask you Now you had a baby recently, right? But you had one in your case, yes. Do you think him having you so young dictated you into your 30s to have your child?
Speaker 2:Definitely, definitely. You know, when I got of age like I would say probably about 15, 16, you know, when we started to have those grown man conversation, obviously about sex, obviously about, you know, you know, dating and things of that nature. He always tried to keep it real with me but he didn't shy away from it and one of the things he said man, kids make you grow up real fast. He said, you know, when he was graduating high school he would change diapers. You know what I mean, you know. So that's one of the things that you know. He did have an opportunity to go off to college, but unfortunately he didn't care for me as well.
Speaker 2:And that's one of the things I will give to my dad and my mom, because that's one of the things she kind of instilled in me. It's like you know, kids are definitely a blessing. It don't hinder your life, it just makes you have more responsibility at a young age and I definitely believe that's one of the reasons why I waited so long. You have a child and that's one thing my mom always and my dad always instilled in me. Listen, you know, live your life, because once you have a child, it's not about you anymore.
Speaker 1:The child comes first. That's strange because I know when I was growing up I was thinking you know, I don't want to be an old dad, I'm going to make sure that. You know, I'm going to make sure I'm active. I don't want to be past 20. Now I didn't have a kid at 25, and I'm glad I didn't. But you know I was thinking like I want to be a young dad. So you never really had those aspirations at all.
Speaker 2:Heck. No, in the beyond. Probably because kind of how I was brought up, because, like you know, my dad and my mom was in high school when they had me. You know, they were high school sweethearts. But I lived with my grandmother, which was my mom's mother, in a three-bedroom house with eight other people there. You know, it was my mom, it was me, my grandmother, my grandma, my great-grandma and four other kids. There was eight people in the household and my mom going to school, you know, and you know obviously she went off to college and then, once she, you know, then I eventually moved with her when I was like in like the second grade. So I always lived between my mom, her mother, and my dad mother. So you know, my dad lived with his mom, my mom lived with her mom, so I always lived between the two. So growing up, you know, I always had a lot of, you know, cousins and uncles that we looked like brothers and sisters because we all lived together.
Speaker 2:I got older and I just started to understand, you know, life a little bit more. My mom always instilled in me you know one of the things she always told me and my dad, I only had two options when I graduated high school College or the military, you you know, and no kids college, because they pretty go get a job off the high school. You got all your life to work. College is, I mean, college of military, and no kids. So that just always stuck with me and I seen how my mom, you know, had to juggle so much. I seen how my dad had to juggle so much and you know, this is not what I want to do. I never, I never seen we never struggle. They just juggle a whole lot to make sure that I had a good life. And that's one of the things that they always instilled in me Like, listen, live your life first, then have kids.
Speaker 1:That's kind of one of the things that I wanted to do was live a little bit and then have kids later on in life. Let me ask you. Let me ask you a question, because I'm just thinking about how I would have been when I was younger, like with a child, right, and I know I did some stuff that I probably shouldn't have done with my son, even though I was in my thirties. Some stuff he probably lived back then, some of the stuff I really should have like I had him. For example, people would be like, oh, you're so, you're a cute little boy, but have him say, oh, I'm sexy, or something like that. That was out right until his mother told me, like you shouldn't have him say that. I didn't even think about it, I just like thought it was funny. Was there anything like that that you know, having a young father? That was different. Let me tell you this story me right.
Speaker 2:Was there anything like that? That? You know, having a young father, that was different. Listen, let me tell you this story my ninth birthday. My birthday is May 24th and it's always around Memorial Weekend. Back in the day, the big thing was Bike Week. It's still kind of that, but not necessarily so. Um, um, I live with my mom during the um, during the school year, most of the time, and then summers and breaks and stuff. I always stay with my dad. So he he up for my birthday. He said yo, I'm taking you to the beach. That's what he told my mom. So, uh, at nine years, I'm like, oh, I'm going to suck Me and him. We ride down to the beach. I've been to the beach before, but never murder beach. I will always go to Moorhead, atlanta. We end up.
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 2:And I knew something was up. When my dad was like, don't take me to the beach, I was like, okay, like man, I'm ready to go to the beach, you know. So we get down there. And it's like we're in this long line. I'm like man, where the water at, hold on, we're going to have a good time. So we at the bike week Murder Beach Bike Week we're in the middle of the traffic. I mean, he got one of the and this is a true story, true story, oh, you know, he's talking like man, one of the um, and it's a true story, true story. Oh, um, you know, he's talking like man. Look at, look at all these people out here. I'm like man, I'm ready to go get in the water. So, uh, it's some girls drive by and uh, you know, he just park a lot. You know me being your birthday. And then she was like, oh, it was like she gave me a kiss on my cheek as she's right on a bike. She was on a bike, she flashed this and um, sort of and this is the crazy thing, this moment, this will.
Speaker 2:I think this is the first time that I realized my dad, you know. You know, he went down there, we had no hotel. Hey, we had no hotel. We literally went down to no lie. We were. I didn't know that, we just slept in the car. I thought, you know, oh man, one of my cousins, he had a hotel and it was just like I'll never forget. It was just so many people in the hotel room so we ended up going back. So that was like a Saturday. We we stayed at night and we slept in the car. We slept in the car at the rest stop. So then he drove us back, because like we drive back to his crib, you know from South Carolina and you know he had to get time like yeah, but I did get the water, I did get to go in the water.
Speaker 2:I did get to go in the water, oh man. So you know the funnest thing? When I got back I told my mom about the trip but he kept saying tell her, we went to another beach.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and tell her about the water.
Speaker 2:And my mama cussed him out Like I think, like my daddy was, he was tripping, he was tripping. Oh my gosh, that was like One of the memories that I had, that we laughed the other day about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the thing. Like cause, when you're Like you just Cause, at that time he's probably what he's like 25 26 years old. You know what I time he's probably what he's like 25, 26 years old, you know what I mean Like he's probably even thinking so. I remember my older cousins. You know they weren't that much older than me, like not 26, but they were like you know, 17, 18. They almost, when they're around you, they just treat you like you're older than what you are. So I was wondering if that probably was the same type of thing. Like this is my little guy almost Like, not even like my son. Of course you're my son, but he also has another brother. You have a brother, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do have a little brother, and that's the crazy thing. So I am 10 years older than my little brother. My dad had me when he was 17 than my little brother when he was 27. Post-bike dad had me when he was 17, then my little brother when he was 27. Post bike week, post bike crazy thing in the crazy thing about it. My dad had a. I got a little sister so when I turned 18 he started all over again, so he was all over the place.
Speaker 1:So so what differences have you seen in his parenting over the time that you might take from that? Because I know he doesn't parent you. He didn't parent you the same way he parents your brother. He definitely is not taking your sister down the bike week. That's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think the biggest differences that I can see is like with me. Early on in my life he wasn't stable, you know. You know he wasn't stable. Obviously he had a job, but he had like a couple of different jobs. He finally just settled into his career as a truck driver. Then, you know, financially he got better so with my little brother when he came along and obviously he got married then had my little brother. So I think he just I think some of the mistakes that he had with me and the growing pains as a teenager father, it kind of helped him with my little brother and I did see the difference.
Speaker 2:My dad's still a parent. The same way, Like you know, he never whooped me, he never whooped my little brother, he never whooped my little sister. He'll fuss at us but, like I said, he'll get mad at us today if we do something crazy. He'll be mad at us today, tomorrow he'll be taking us out to eat wherever we want to go. He showed love through giving. He showed love through, you know, just having to get time with you and he never disciplined us like that. But we knew not to you know, overstep our boundaries as well, but from him, from me to my little brother. I've seen the difference. And then definitely with my little sister, like with me and my little brother, you know, yeah, we can, we can go out, hang out with our homeboys.
Speaker 2:My little sister, he taking her, dropping off everywhere, it's just like, I guess, like with a little girl, he's putting his, he's putting his arms around her a little bit more than what he did with us. And that's where older you know, as me being her little brother, I mean her big brother, I kind of tell her like yo, my dad, only a little. You know hard on you or you know strict on you because you are female. There's a little difference in this world, but you know it's all the same love. Like I like to joke and say I'm his favorite, my little brother, tyler's his baby, because they look just like each other. It's just like Tyler's real life, top, real dad, dark skin, and my little sister is his most expensive child.
Speaker 1:So that's his favorite, tyler's the baby and my little sister the most expensive well, let me ask you this, because I asked this to a lot of guests that we have especially when you have a father that creates another family, was there ever any point of resentment or any of that nature towards him? Or your siblings.
Speaker 2:Not necessarily towards my siblings, because I love my little brother.
Speaker 2:And I have a stepbrother too and I love him just like my brother. I would say it was a. You know. I will say when he got married I told him not to marry her. I was his best man and I was like I didn't know what y'all were saying. But I will say it was a little bit of divide with me and my stepmother because I think my dad was so young, he was so young having a child at my age, young, having a child at my age, you know. And then I do believe whenever you have, you see your dad in one light, like whenever you go see him, it's always it's you and him and you got to share him with somebody other people yeah, a little another person in the house around your age and like you ain't getting everything that you want.
Speaker 2:So I think as a young child, I think my dad didn't explain it to me well enough and also I think it was some immaturity on him, my mom and my stepmother, because you got to think about it, they all 27, 28, 29. You're young and you have kids involved, so I think it was a little bit of immaturity there. So it was some growing pains, a lot of growing pains. But then when I got of age as far as in high school, it just clicked, it's just. You know, I started just understanding a little bit more. My dad was a little bit more open with me and then it was just like there's just always been my best friend, like I think it was a little rough patch when he did get married from like that middle school, from probably about that fifth grade to about ninth grade. It was a little rough path patch there.
Speaker 2:Then after that, I guess you know I matured and you know kind of came on to my own and he started explaining himself a little bit differently and we had real more grown man conversations and then as I got as a grown person. It's like man. I couldn't imagine having a child so young, then meeting someone marrying her and she has a young child as well, and then just that family dynamic and then still dealing with my mom as far as you know, co-parent, because I love my mom to death, but she's tough now. So, you know, dealing with all of that. I understand that and you know, and I give him a lot of, I commend him. He gets a lot of respect from me. He never wavered, you know, he always came through. It may not have been on time, it may not have been exactly what David would do, but you know, I always say, man, if I could just be half the man he is, half the man he is, you know I'm going to be happy.
Speaker 1:Well, let me ask you one more thing what is one of the biggest things you would take away from your father that you add into your own parenting?
Speaker 2:um, one of the biggest things that I take away is the sacrifice. Yeah, that's one of the biggest things, because for me it's always been me and my mom, and then for a long time it was just me and my dad, and I was the oldest grandchild on my dad's side, so they always you know, I'm always getting clothes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm always getting a whole lot. And then, as I got older and grown, like.
Speaker 2:I always been on my own. I always did. I always had to do whatever I wanted to do. I really never had no responsibility.
Speaker 2:You know I come and go, but with a child it's different and that's one of the biggest things that my dad you know. I've seen his sacrifice. I've seen him waking up, you know, 530 in the morning, taking my little brother to school, then taking my little sister to school, then going to work, then getting off work, going to my little brother football practices. You know, making sure I had money for college, had money for school. You know, working overtime because you know I got an AAU trip. Or working overtime because my little sister got to go to this. You know this dance recital you know.
Speaker 2:So, just seeing the sacrifice that he made, that manual labor work that he always did. You know, waking up early in the morning, you know he could have complained plenty of times but like nah, he said you know, as a man, your kids don't care if you're tired or not, they don't know that. He says you got to suck it up and make that sacrifice. You know, don't let them see the heavy load that you're carrying. Always make their load light as possible. And those are some of the things that stuck with me, just that sacrifice, and that's one of the things that I'm going to always remember and one of the things that I'm going to try to always do for my daughter as well is, you know, I take sacrifices so she can have the best life. My dad, you know, he did all he could to make sure we was good in every aspect of our lives, and this is one of the biggest thing that I want to make sure I do for my daughter.
Speaker 1:Amen, that's a, that's a hell of a takeaway. That's a great thing, but I will say I hope that you're an adult now with your dad and you told him about your Myrtle Beach stories. We won't talk about that here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the crazy part of this. I do have some crazy Myrtle Beach stories, but not like my dad.
Speaker 1:But I appreciate it, man. We're going to get you back on here to talk about more stuff, bro. I appreciate it. I just appreciate you having me to get you back on here to talk about more stuff, bro. I appreciate it, man, I.
Speaker 2:just appreciate you having me coming in just talking about my experience and just my upbringing with my dad.
Speaker 1:No problem, this is just my baby daddy podcast. I know you like what you saw, so what I need for you to do is go back and look at past episodes, make sure you like, subscribe and share our YouTube page. Just my baby daddy podcast. And.