From Conflict to Collaboration: A Father’s Co-Parenting Journey

In this episode of the Just My Baby Daddy Podcast, host AJ Adams sits down with Seymour Sinclair to explore the real-life challenges of co-parenting after divorce.

Seymour shares his personal story of transformation—from being an immature, reactive father to taking accountability and becoming a committed, present parent.

Together, they discuss:

• Effective communication with your co-parent
• Navigating different parenting styles without constant conflict
• Managing the anxiety and pressure that come with fatherhood
• Building a peaceful, stable environment for your kids
• Finding joy and purpose in being an involved dad

This honest conversation is a reminder that growth is possible and fatherhood is worth the effort.

💬 If you’ve faced similar struggles or learned powerful lessons as a co-parent, we’d love to hear your story. Leave a review or connect with us on social media.

00:00 Navigating Co-Parenting After Divorce
10:57 The Role of Family in Co-Parenting
16:35 Breaking the News of Divorce to a Child
21:47 The Pressure of Fatherhood and Mental Health
26:12 Financial Stability and Parenting
32:06 Communication in Co-Parenting
40:00 Creating a Peaceful Home Environment
44:44 Protecting Your Peace in Parenting

Transcript

AJ Adams (00:10)
Welcome to another episode of Just My Baby Daddy podcast. It's your favorite baby daddy, AJ. And today we're talking with my guy Seymour Sinclair because Seymour can talk about a subject that we don't talk about often and that is co-parenting well after a divorce. We always hear about like stories of, you know, courts and, and, and baby child support and all other kinds of kind of battles that come in between custody.

you know, that can happen when a divorce happens, but it doesn't have to be that way. So I appreciate you for being on the podcast and opening up and telling your story today, Seymour.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (00:48)
Appreciate it, appreciate it. Let me start off. So we were co-parenting before we got married. My son was born, yeah, so he was born in 2013. We both were in a situation that was not good on both sides. And we kind of linked up a little bit in there and somehow a baby popped up. One thing I'm gonna say, I'm gonna take.

AJ Adams (00:54)
Okay.

like magic.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (01:12)
You know, you know, you know,

both situations are good and then a baby pop up. I was I'm taking accountability. I was not the person back then that I was that I am now due to the fact that, you know, I was a little selfish. You know, I didn't want anyone. Okay. I'm going to be at the time back then. I didn't want no kids. I kind of kind of say, you know what?

It can't be mine's because you you got a situation I got a situation you know it can't be mine's or whatever but accountability she knew that it was mine's but for me taking accountability as a man I wasn't a man back then I was just a little immature person I'm gonna keep 100 I was an immature person just wanted to party work make money but I didn't want to spend my time as a father

AJ Adams (02:02)
It ain't about the reason why I look like that. It ain't about the immature thing. It's I was kind of in that same situation, but I was the guy on the other side. Right. And I remember I found some stuff and I was like, hey, is this baby mine? And she was like, no. I was like, I let that get go because there, there, there. need not. We especially don't want the baby. But the guy on the other side was telling people like the baby was mine.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (02:10)
Mm-hmm.

Go, go.

you

Alright, we're good.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (02:30)
Like, come

on, bro. Like, nah, nah, y'all snuck off together, and this is y'all baby. This is y'all sneaky baby together.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (02:34)
You

So for the nine months of her being pregnant, I wasn't there for the pregnancy, I wasn't there for the childbirth. I'm gonna keep 100, I wasn't there for the childbirth. I got a phone call, I'll never forget the date, it was born on the 5th. I got the phone call on the 7th of 2013. It was on a Saturday. I remember exactly what happened. was outside doing my daily jogging and I got a phone call from a Google number.

you know what I'm Because I had blocked on her because I'm like this can't be my baby, whatever. So she was like, hey, the baby's here. I was like, what they got to do with me and my child? She was like, you might want to second guess that. I'm like, all right, whatever. So she sent me a picture. And when I say he looked like for me from the eyes, nose, and lips to everything, I was like.

I do got a baby out here. looks just like me, you know what I'm saying? And you see like her situation, nothing like, you know what saying? So I was like, I was like, whatever. I'm like, fuck. Now I'm gonna switch to, I'm thinking about, I'm not thinking about quality time. I'm thinking about the money I'm about to spend. I'm gonna keep, I'm thinking about the money like, okay, my paycheck is not gonna be my paycheck no more. And mind, I'm working two jobs.

AJ Adams (03:34)
Ha

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (03:54)
It's not going be my paycheck no more. It's going to be going towards this baby. She was kind of cool on...

Me being me, but same time I was still being selfish. know, she, I'm gonna give her like 100 % props. She did a lot for our son at the time. She made sure he went to the doctor's appointment, made sure he had all his nourishment, his food and everything. And I was just giving money here and there, whatever, not being around. Like I said, I'm still selfish, still being Seymour, you know what saying?

And it was going on for like a couple months, you know, but she still like was cool about it. You know, we might have like a disagreement here, like, oh, you're not coming to see your son, you're not doing this. And I'm like, well, whatever, I'll send you some money, whatever. Because I'm still being selfish, you know. And one particular day, it was like six months passed by and I went over there to go see him. And mind you, had lost my job, lost.

I had least my apartment. So I'm still just like in the mindset like, man, I got no money. I ain't got nothing to do. I'm I'm just scraping and surviving, right? And once I started spending more time, things were opening up for me. I got a new job. I got my apartment back, right? And one particular day, I'll never forget this particular day, I was on the couch waiting, playing with him, whatever, him, playing with him,

And he just gave me this biggest smile, like this smile out of nowhere, this like, and it hit me like, damn, why am I being like this to this little boy? And you know, somebody had told me years ago that you don't want to be a bad father, and that you see him 10 years from now, and you're embarrassed of seeing that the child that you created 10 years later, and he's looking at you and his mom say, that's your daddy. So that kind of hit me as well.

And once he gave me that smile, I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, I can't be like this towards him. You know what saying? He was, we both made him. He didn't, he came out of us. So I snapped. I was just like, fuck it. I gotta get my shit together. So it turned in from seeing him twice a week to seeing him like every single day. You I was just seeing him every single day. His babysitter was down the street from my parents' house.

So I'll go leave, I'll leave my job, pick him up from the babysitter, take her to Laurel. So after a while, that was becoming too much, the driving. And once I got back on my feet, I was just like, listen, I sat her down, I said, listen, I'm back on my feet, nothing against you, but this is gonna be my last time coming to Laurel, coming to where you live at. And she was like, why was going nowhere? I said,

I can't do the job no more, but you wanna have a schedule. So this is how the schedule, I said then I started being a leader. I was like, this is the schedule gonna be. Monday, Wednesday.

and Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So I think it was like Monday, Wednesday, and every other weekend. So let's say like Monday, Wednesday, and then I think, no, I'm sorry, it was Tuesday and Thursday. I made it more easier for her. said Tuesday and Thursday and every other weekend. So the reason why I did it was I get them on Tuesday and then Thursday. Then if it's my weekend, I'll get them through that week. So now you have time to yourself, you know what saying? Because you did a lot. You made sure that he had everything he needed.

You you brush him you got up early in the night. You made sure that he was good. He was crying You know saying so I was like, know what? Let me take over so I took over that situation and It made me feel like okay now my father I gotta learn how to do certain as a parent So I was getting up at four o'clock in the morning. He had this weird schedule He would just pop up at 430 and I gotta make his bottle so I get to make his bottle

Make him something to eat and I put him back to sleep and my dad had to be I had to be up at 6 to be at work at 8 So all this was kind of tiring but I it's so funny that it was becoming tiring but I loved it Because basically it was showing me that okay. I am a man I could do that my father and I could do for him. You know Sam so it's like things start progressing I Started getting him more on her weeks

And there was times she would call me, she said, hey, I know it's not your week. Can you watch them? And I hate that word, can you watch your own child? I hate that sentence, I hate that with a passion. Watch my own child, I don't need you to ask me, can I watch them? Yeah, I watch them. And mostly I'm a homebody. Once I became a father and started being more mature, I stopped going out.

AJ Adams (08:24)
Like of course, yeah, of course.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (08:34)
So the thing I would start doing, like I was like, I was mostly just working and I was like, I was home all the time. So there's something like she wanted to go out and I was like, yeah, I watch him no problem. I pick him up and there were times where like I go see him and he would see me and he would start crying cause I'm about to leave. I would cancel my plans. I'm like, all right, come on, let's go. I just pick him up and sometimes I would take him with me. There are times where I took him to like,

a lot of places where like even kids wouldn't allow but I didn't care like this is my child so if I'd have been to cookouts with him I'd have ran into like birthday functions, birthday dinners, if I had to change I'd take him to the club with me but you know can't do that but I was taking with me um after a while I started seeing his growth and sometimes I do wish that he could go he can go back to the baby size I don't know what it is um so I was like

I wish he could get back to the baby size, but now he's like 12 years old. And I see him in me when I was growing up, as far as like making friends in school. Like, you when he was in high school, I wasn't really like the popular kid, but people know my name, but I wasn't popular, you know what saying? So I kind of doubled that in high school at the time. Like, okay, know, people know me, but I ain't really cool with a lot of people. So he's going through that as well. Like he went through that his first...

three years of high school, no, elementary school. But now it's a switch where he's just becoming his own man. He's got a lot of friends now. He's making good grades. But for him to make good grades, it was all his mother. His mother makes a lot of education decisions, and I just kind of flowed with it. No, she was a straight-A student in high school. She got three degrees as of right now.

And she kind of motivated me to get my second degree as a master. So I give her that on that one. So a lot of stuff with her, I give her her flowers and I give her acknowledgement. Even though we're like, we divorced and the divorce took a toll on our relationship, but it didn't stop our culprit relationship. So to this day, our son is making a 3.33.

She gets him the tutor that he needs for his education and I kind of follow suit Once I saw that she was getting a tutoring session and I started getting tutoring special on my end as well She put him in like a lot of like activities and I follow suit too. So My thing with co-parent it can work But sometimes you just gotta be something selfish as men, you know Stop being deadbeat to our to our kids. I never understand like why people can be deadbeat to their kids

That's not my thing. I think I have I lived my life through my child because growing up my father was there but he wasn't there as far as he worked cuz we Caribbean's no we he worked all the time and He's going like late at night from work. So I didn't really see him until like the next morning and At that time he wasn't really gonna like hanging out. He wasn't going out to eat. He wasn't going to the movies. We didn't do nothing as a as as a kid and father and son, but it's weird that

He's doing that with my son. He'll call me like, hey, is cash available? I want to take him out to the movies. I want to take him out eat. And I've been sitting here like, we didn't do it as a kid, but I understand he had to do what they do to survive, to take care of us, to take care of his kids working so much. So now me being working for the government, I'm able to spend more time with him to do certain things. So when my week come, we do Sunday to Sunday. So when that Sunday come,

I already have things planned for him, like, you know, go to the movies, something to eat, go to the, like, the Chamonix Park and stuff like that, so yeah.

AJ Adams (12:18)
That's a lot. There's a lot there to get to, because there's, especially with the not being there in the beginning part, because that goes separate from the conversation a little bit. But I just want to ask this one part, because you're not the first person that's done this or the first person that this happened to, right?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (12:20)
yes!

Mm.

AJ Adams (12:41)
But I've noticed one thing and it's funny cause you talked about the grandparents. I noticed that a lot of times when the dad or even no matter who the parent is, isn't there, it seems like that parents, grandparents are always involved. So I'm just wondering, was your, was your father and your grandparents, was your mom and dad, were they involved with your child when initially or did they, yeah, with your son initially, or did they wait until

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (13:03)
I'm a son.

AJ Adams (13:07)
that clicked in you or was it there for them right away?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (13:10)
So what happened is my parents

didn't know that I had a child at his aunt. So what happened, just a funny thing, when I told my dad, I told my dad first, I said, listen, I got myself in a situation, you know, my fault, but I don't know the kid is mine, but he looks exactly like me. So my father, no, what happened is, I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna go back.

AJ Adams (13:15)
⁓

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (13:34)
So Caribbean parents, kind of, they start fearing you sometimes, right? And when I was in high school, my parents would say, don't get nobody pregnant, right? And that's tough on me for years, until I was in my 30s, I didn't get nobody pregnant, right? So was like, now I'm nervous to say, listen, I got a child now, he's already here. So I pulled up my mom and dad and I said, hey dad, I gotta talk to you right quick. I said, listen, I gotta...

I got a situation. I got a baby, but he's right here. He's like six months. And yeah, I waited so long. I was so scared to tell him. You know, I'm like 30, so I'm like, the grown man is so scared to tell his father.

AJ Adams (14:05)
Hahaha!

You

That's that Caribbean fear. ⁓

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (14:15)
Yeah, that's

a Korean thing. I never get he was cutting grass or he's cutting grass for somebody on a lawn. He was on like a little lawnmower, right? And I told him, said, and he was like, man, I was waiting for you to have kids. Why are you waiting so long? And I was like, and he just drove off. And then he came. He just drove over the lawnmower and then he came back. He said, all right, this is what we gonna do.

AJ Adams (14:34)
you

Mmm.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (14:40)
We're gonna

test the situation and if the baby's yours, we're gonna help you. So I'm like, all right, cool. So I remember I bought him on a Sunday, right? And I opened the door, the baby walked, my son walked in, know, he's about six months walking, walking in, whatever. And my dad is like, he just smiled. He was like, oh man, all right, okay.

And this is what my parents said, it was like, don't waste your money on a test. DNA test, said, don't waste your money on a DNA test. That boy looks exactly just like you. Exactly to the T. And I'm gonna show you, I don't know if you see my eye console in this picture.

AJ Adams (15:14)
DNA test.

We're going to post it. Whatever picture you're going to show, we'll post that picture on for your cover photo for the episode.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (15:26)
Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, he was like, don't waste your money on no DNA test. My mother said the same thing. My sister said the same thing. They were like, man, this baby looks just like you. Don't waste no money. You don't waste $119. Don't do it, blah, blah. And my dad and my mom just took him in instantly to the point where they kind of took over knowing that. Because the babysitter was down the street. So my dad would leave his job and go pick him up.

or I pick him up and he'll call me as soon as he's like, hey, I saw your car at the babysitter house. You already know to come up the street. So I'm like, all right. So they already had dinner for him, clothes for him, pamper, and I'm just like, damn, like, know, me being so feared back then knowing that they probably cursed me out, blah, blah, blah, blah, but just to see their reaction, the totally different reaction and saying like, all right, we're gonna help you. And to this day, they still in his life, they still asking to see him, they still asking to bring him over.

But now he's at an age where he don't want to come over as much because he just want to be with his friends, play video games. So yeah.

AJ Adams (16:33)
Yeah, of course. Of course.

Yeah. So, but how did that feel to you to see him now, you know, your dad be the grandfather like a father to him that I'm pretty sure you wanted, you know what mean?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (16:46)
Um, joy, but at the same time a little jealousy. when I say jealous, like, cause I didn't get that. And it, you know, I grew up, I'm the ninth child, right? And I wasn't close with my family. I wasn't close with my dad. I wasn't close with my mom. I wasn't close with my sister cause they already, they were grown.

And I, and I led my life, I grew up by myself. I taught myself a lot of things, you know? But just to see the conversation that he has with my son, there's a time where I have to go out of town for work and I call him only. I'll call my parents, I'll call my father like, hey, can you watch cash for the next couple of days? Cause my thing is like, I could ask his mom, but I don't want to, I'm, I'm prideful. I don't want to.

AJ Adams (17:35)
put it on her when it's not her day. Yeah, I getcha.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (17:37)
Yeah, I don't want to do that

because it's her time. So I have to figure out myself. But it's the opposite. So if she called me and hey, I'm going out of town for work. Can you watch my your weeks? And I was like, cool. And then she would have to say, like, I could do double weeks. I'm like, nah. We're not going to throw each other off. But like, nah, that's cool. So.

AJ Adams (17:55)
Nah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (18:00)
That is kind of weird that I'm just seeing the dynamic with my father. Because he's a totally different person. He's much nicer. He's much clear on certain things. Then they changed our relationship because we're talking more. We're talking a lot more than we did before when I was younger. So it's good. It's a good thing.

AJ Adams (18:17)
Yeah.

Yeah. So with all of this and you have, you know, you have your son and at the time it was your son and your wife, but that was no longer the case. So how, how were you able to break that news to your son?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (18:36)
So in the marriage We both wasn't happy but I wasn't in the marriage We didn't know each other. We just just we just we just got married on the limb, you know, we got We are pregnant. It was cool co-parent. We saw how it was we tried to give up my son a family but we didn't really know each other in the marriage, you know saying and

Just to break that to him and say, hey, mommy and daddy about to get a divorce, but we still love you. We're gonna be there for you. And I commend her because she moved around the corner. She moved like, like seven minutes away from me. So she made an attempt to say, all right, cool. I'm still, we're still gonna be close, not as a family, we're gonna be closer. So if something happened, I can jet over there and go get him or you can jet over here to come get him. So I give her that. But when we broke the story, it broke him.

He started crying. It broke him for a minute and then it transpired into school. He wasn't doing his schoolwork. He was always angry. I remember he told the teacher, like, you know, my parents getting divorced and I don't care. you know, and then one day he came home and he was like, I don't want to go to school no more. I want to be a gamer.

AJ Adams (19:50)
Mm.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (19:56)
Nah, you going to school, bro. This was like the second week, like the third or second week. And I was like, nah, you going to school. He like, he just had a no care attitude and he was always getting in trouble. But I think like after I kept talking to him, kept pointing to him, it got better over the next few months. And now he's in a good place where he has the best of both worlds. He got two rooms, two TVs, two game system. So he living the life right now.

AJ Adams (20:21)
Yeah

So, and now, you're not having any more kids, right?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (20:28)
Nah, so I got a respect to me in 2019. This is I started thinking, right? When you have your first child, this is me in my opinion, when you have your first child and things are going good, you're paying daycare, and then when you turn five, you go to kindergarten, and all that daycare payment stops. You know what I'm saying? Another child just pop up, and you're like, God damn.

Stop paying for day can I got paper another one side I start back over so I was thinking that my I said like I don't know what kids I ain't what people no more they care No brother. He's five years old. He's independent, but I will say this I will say this I Did want another child? before the vasectomy what happened was I Used to give him I used to make his dinner make his lunch You give him back at five years old and one day he came downstairs. He was like daddy

I'm a big boy now. I don't want you to give me no more showers. No bath. I want to take a shower by myself. And that broke me. I'm just like, damn, like I've been doing this for so long and he don't need my help. I'm like, fuck it. I need another child. I need to get another child. I need somebody to take care of him. So we tried for like a month or two and that was over. That was like, ain't for me. So I was like, I didn't want to spend no more money on daycare.

AJ Adams (21:37)
You

Bye!

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (21:48)
I ain't gonna start back over. So I was just like, cause we did birth control pills for months and that was costing us a lot. And my answer, we not making the money that we making now. You know, I'm making like 37, 38, close to 40 back then. And she was making like 60. So that was, was, you know, the economy going up. So we wasn't making that much money. And then, you know, birth control was like $7 a month. So was like, man, we can't afford that. So I was like, let me get a vasectomy, but.

I had talked it over to my friends that had it first. Cause it went first. The first thing coming to mind when you say vasectomy, you're like, this won't hurt. And when I talked to my boys about it, it was like, man, it's a pinch. It doesn't hurt. And I was like, what? And it was like, you know, they take this little time off to read with codeine and be all right. So I called my insurance company. They was like, let's do it. We can do it. but I didn't like the fact that they asked me, did you talk it over with your wife?

And I'm like, why do I need to talk about her? It's my body. I can do what I want to do.

AJ Adams (22:47)
So

you did this before you got divorced? You got divorced, okay. Okay. So, go ahead. Now go ahead.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (22:50)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then two, but,

and you know, in the mindset, knew that was one of it. I knew like the rate that we go in a relationship, wasn't gonna last long. And I didn't want another child with somebody else. My thing is, I'm gonna be like, cause my thing is like, you never know, you might get the opposite from your baby bumping.

AJ Adams (23:05)
you

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (23:15)
And know, they might be jealous of you, jealous, you spending more time with your first kid, you now spending time with your second kid, you always need never handle money, blah, blah, blah, you always support your first child. So I was like, let me just think about it, let me think about it. I'm the investment, then you gotta understand that the courts, I haven't heard a successful child support court in my life. I haven't heard a man don't have a check, pay child support.

I heard many horror stories, you know what I'm saying? So I'm just like, I ain't gonna be one of statistics folks. I'm not, you're not gonna hate me to court like, oh, you gotta pay $600 and then you got people, nah, mm-mm, mm-mm, nah, I'm good, I'm good, I'm not doing that.

AJ Adams (23:58)
I'm gonna shut my mouth.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (24:00)
But you know, in our divorce,

she knew that I wasn't gonna be...

AJ Adams (24:07)
Yeah, you're

going to be there for the child. Yeah, yeah. So there was no, there was no questions about that. So.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (24:13)
She

knew, she knew, she knew that, I might be a fucked up husband, but she knew I wasn't gonna be a fucked up dad. Can you curse on me? Oh, yes, you know.

AJ Adams (24:20)
Right. Yeah. Nigga, we done been doing this shit

the whole time. Little late for that now.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (24:26)
She knew I was gonna be a fuckin' But, I had, one thing y'all know about me, I had to go to therapy. I had anxiety of being a father. That's one that people don't talk about. People don't talk about anxiety of being a father, because you understand that being a father, everything falls on you 100%. As provider, security, you know what I'm

AJ Adams (24:28)
EEEE

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (24:49)
financially, everything falls on you. Even if you don't want to, it's going to fall on you. If you be a Debbie and she could find your social security number and put you in the court system, it's going to fall on you. But I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking about somebody that I have to take care of for the rest of my life. Even when he turned 18, I'm still have to take care of him. And that kind of scared me a little bit. Like I got a little person that's looking up to me. Am I being the father I am that I need to be in his life?

and am I being the man of myself. So I'm going to therapy for that for, I still go to therapy to this day. I go to therapy every other week. And sometimes being a father does scare me because my thing is like, I could lose my job, I could lose my house, I could lose my car, but I still got provide. And how I'm gonna provide for this person if I can't provide financially. So that scares me too as a father. And that's the one thing we don't talk about. We don't talk about anxiety.

as father and as a man. You know, we don't talk about that all time. And I tell people, I tell people go to therapy, man. Therapy helps a lot with a lot of things. My father, growing up, he was always angry. And I never said why he was angry. And that became me too. I was always angry as a man and as a person. And in my marriage, I was angry.

I saw how both my mother and my father talked to each other. So that kind of conflict into my relationship and how I talk to females. And how I talk to my son. I had read something, I saw like a video. Make sure you don't yell at your son or yell at your kids at night. Could he get nightmares? Make sure you don't yell at your kids in the morning time. Cause then my anxiety going to school. You never know what type of dating might have at school and yell at them.

cause they think about what happened last night or this morning. So every morning, every, this time where he just be irking my nerves, but I was like, and I was like, Hey, come on buddy. Let's, let's, let's do this differently. Let's try this differently. Let's talk. Let's have a conversation. Hey, you know, you do your homework. Let's do your homework. Hey, you know, you gotta take a shower. Like I've tried to talk to him calmly. And when I notice when I talk to him calmly, he's different. But if I start to yelling, he's fidgety.

He's nervous, he's just like all over the place and he don't know how to act. And then that caused him to have bad nightmares of bad sleep at night, cause Bobby yelling at him and Bobby raising my voice. And I remember I used to have those type of anxiety growing up as a kid, cause my parents used to all the time. Cause Jamaican culture, they always yell. They never talk. They always see something, they speak something, they just rub. You know what I'm So that, I grew up with lot of anxiety over the years and that's probably what scared me as being a father.

AJ Adams (27:14)
Yeah.

you

But that's the thing, people really don't talk about that, right? Because that pressure that you have is whether you're in the house or out of the house, because for me, for example, right? I know it always weighed on, when I was living in my one bedroom apartment, I remember living there and kept saying to myself, whatever I do, I gotta make sure that I'm putting myself in a position that if...

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (27:27)
Mm-hmm. ⁓

AJ Adams (27:48)
Of course, their mother was always in a great position, right? But if at any point their mother was to say, hey, I can't do this no more. I need you to take the kids. I want to be able to blink an eye. And not being able to do that, couldn't sleep, can't eat.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (27:51)
Yeah.

⁓

AJ Adams (28:05)
I mean, it drives me to do much more things. It drove me to study to get more certifications. But it has me drained that day, during the day. I'm working at 7 a.m. I'm getting off at 11 p.m. and I'm doing this and also working on Saturday. And on the same Saturday, when I get off of work, I want to see the kids. But you gotta go through all of that pressure because you feel like you have to provide even for the moment that you don't have to.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (28:20)
Mm.

AJ Adams (28:32)
I'm always feeling that pressure right now. I feel as though all three of my kids live with me at this moment. If both sets of moms just said, hey, I can't do this no more, you got to take them. And this is all I've been striving for. This is why I'm under constant pressure. And in order for me to do that, I got to be able to maintain the position I'm in. And maintaining is never good enough. Because like you said, if I lose my job tomorrow, what's going to happen? So let me have two.

let me have three because if I got to live off of two then what happens when I lose one of those I don't have a backup. It just never stops. It never stops.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (29:11)
And I know, I know if I lose my financial stabbiness, she will take care of him, but I know it's gonna be like a certain timeframe. She'll be like, all right, know, you've been off like a couple months, like what's going on? I'm gonna need some child support for me or something. I save a lot. it's not like when you get them random text messages like, hey, there's a doctor bill.

It's due next week. know, it's two people, you know. One that don't have no money, he's like nervous, like, okay, all right, I'm gonna pay this bill, all right, I got to go to my check, but I didn't spend it all. Or that person by that saved that money, be like, all right, cool, I'll take care of it in the morning, no problem. But I think the situation that she's comfortable with, like she know I can save, I save my money a lot.

and she saw that and emerged that I save my money. I don't really go out as much like I used to. I already spent like I used to. So I just constantly save, save, save, save, you know what I'm So it's a good feeling when you have certain financial stableness on yourself and able to take care of that situation. But my thing is like, being a valai, you never know when it's gonna end, you know what I'm So you just gotta be careful of that.

AJ Adams (30:30)
Well, I'm always broke till I ain't gotta be.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (30:36)
I feel like

I feel like the boys is different than we have girls, know boys No, you can buy them a couple shirts a couple jeans. This nigga. They cool way. You know saying well girls They're going a lot of stuff like I want some toys. I want this I want that you know, I He plays he was playing

AJ Adams (30:53)
Your boy play basketball?

Any travel sports?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (31:00)
Nah, he was doing lacrosse for a minute and then he was doing...

AJ Adams (31:03)
Yeah,

let that travel sport happen. And you talked about these, yeah, they got to play for clothes. Yeah, but you got to pay for hotel rooms. You got to pay for tournaments. got to pay. Yeah, boys are expensive as well.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (31:11)
you

Yeah, I think I think he's

gonna be expensive when he gets to like high school like right now he's cool, but the most

AJ Adams (31:20)
Not even high school. he's into

sports and everything, mean, it might, you know, it might start now.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (31:26)
Cause the most that he asked me for was sneakers. don't know, like I have a sneaker collection, right? And I was like, I said, Lord, he's gonna want sneakers. But now he's like, can't get a pair of Jordan's. That's when I was out of my check. All right, let's go. You know what I'm I want a pair of Vans, I want a pair of Kobe's. I'm like, Lord, there you go. He's in that part. He's in that part right now, so yeah.

AJ Adams (31:48)
Right now my kids don't care. My kids mismatching everything. Like I got 11, 10, and about to be two.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (31:51)
Hold your keys, hold your keys.

Okay. Okay.

AJ Adams (31:58)
Yeah,

yeah, I'm coming up with my one year anniversary of my snip snip. No more. It is over. Hell, man.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (32:05)
So, a question for you, a question

for you, right? And this is part of being single, right? Knowing that you got a vasectomy, right? And knowing that you're single, but ladies are still attracted to you, right? Now, let's say you meet somebody new, you tell them about the break, you got a vasectomy. I do too.

AJ Adams (32:15)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, why not?

I mean, what the fuck I gotta hide for? You're not meant for me and I ain't meant for you. If you want kids, find somebody that can give you kids. I'm not your guy.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (32:34)
Hahaha

It's wild now like a lot of ladies don't want kids though. They don't want to move there. There's a lot of ladies that I come across, they don't want no kids. They okay with it. They're like, don't want no kids. I'm like, okay cool, that's what's up. You know what I'm

AJ Adams (32:42)
Huh?

I listen, a lot of people say a lot of things until they get into relationships and all that other stuff. As soon as you tell me to, as soon as you even hint the word kid, it's like you called me a nigger to my face. Like you straight disrespected me. Do not talk to me about children at all, no more. Those days are done. Long gone.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (33:01)
Mm.

you

Uh-huh.

AJ Adams (33:12)
So, but let me ask you this. So how do y'all handle things now when it comes to things like now, you're not parenting under the same household anymore. So do y'all keep the same general ideas? Are y'all communication still good with each other? Do y'all talk about what goes on at this? Because there's a lot of times like for me, what happens at my, they don't talk to me about what goes on at their house. And they don't talk to me like it's vice versa.

This is not your mama's house. Okay, what was y'all doing at your mama's house? What you doing at mama's house and what you doing at daddy's house?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (33:44)
Communication is different than it was before. One, because she got remarried. And as a respect factor, ⁓ we only communicate if something's going on with Cash. But he's old enough to articulate what's going on with him. So we don't really talk as much. And I'm OK with that. We don't need to talk. So that's, yeah, I don't ask her.

AJ Adams (33:52)
completely.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (34:06)
I don't ask him what's going on at mommy house and his mom don't ask me going on at my house. We both live a private life. She's married, she's happy married with somebody else and that I'm happy for. I can, one day I'm gonna give his mom spouse props.

They they pour into both an important so especially his mom. She married a female so She's she yeah, I mean she's great Yeah, she's great. I'm gonna say she's very good with him and she they she's very to dissipate him On a good part on a good sense of like, okay, you need this I would just my nice like open up like she's like she talks something and put him on punishment Okay, what she did at school don't like that

AJ Adams (34:30)
Well, I mean, yeah.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (34:47)
So I'm gonna take some stuff away from you and he needs that and then I had texts over there I said listen, I appreciate you being cash like I see the difference in him when you pour into him. So I respect you for that Like I said, no, this is a problem with people. It's a problem like with men Seeing like their baby mother move on some and I gonna say oh they move on to somebody else and they feel like oh, you know, know your spouse not gonna take care of take over my child

I don't care about that, you know what I'm I only care about the safety of my son and he's okay at the end of the day. And his mom makes well, well good decisions on discipline and education and lot of stuff. So I have no problem with both of them, how they discipline my son.

AJ Adams (35:34)
Let me ask you a question though. Do you think it would have been different if she were with a man?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (35:36)
What's that?

That's the thing, I don't care.

AJ Adams (35:40)
Well, you don't gotta think now, because it don't matter at this point, but like, do you?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (35:42)
No, you

know what? No, real talk. People had asked me that. I mean...

I, the marriage wasn't gonna work out. I just wanted it to be over, because it was too much back and forth. So, once she split and then she moved to her new house and found somebody else, it could have been a man, a woman, an albino. It could have been Donald Trump. You know, I wouldn't care, But I don't care who she's in it with.

AJ Adams (36:08)
Nah, n***a, n***a, you were careful as t***.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (36:15)
I just want you to be happy. You know what saying? just want happiness all I care about is happiness You'd be happy with going with your life. You got a lot. She got a lot of great things going for her You know saying like good job 30 degree, know saying making good money. So I just want you to be happy and being with

AJ Adams (36:32)
What about

when it comes to your child? you said, the discipline of your child and all this other stuff, like another man talking to your child that way. Do you think that plays a difference or will make a difference?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (36:45)
Maybe maybe you might you know, you correct it was a man I'll have to I have to gauge it first and see how you talk on phone like you talk about so like kind of records like person to him Oh, we don't have a conversation, but you're talking to him like hey, you know You guys have like if you talking like like rural chill in the rep I'm cool with it, but you talking to like, you know, you cursing at him and some of that. Oh, we don't have problem

AJ Adams (37:07)
So it would be a little different. Okay, okay. So that's interesting. So has that, with that being the case, has she been okay with you just moving on to anybody else then?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (37:10)
It'd a different, yeah. Yeah.

I know, we don't really talk. She never, I know when I was dating somebody, it kind of like... She had a little sad eye about it. okay, just... Where this person came from? Where this person came she knew the... No, I'm sorry. She knew the person why we were in the marriage. She knew the person. Yeah.

AJ Adams (37:26)
All right.

Oh, that's why. See more?

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (37:46)
I'ma get one of that, she knew the person. She knew the person.

AJ Adams (37:52)
I wonder why she's looking a little crazy at this.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (37:57)
Yeah, she knew about the person in the marriage, you know. And then once me and her, once me and my wife's like, prior divorce, I started hanging more with the person. They kind of had a good...

I ain't gonna say good, she's Decent situation, but it went left. And I knew it was gonna go left. Yeah.

AJ Adams (38:20)
Yeah.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (38:27)
It went laughing and it came from it went laughing and it went right and it went laughing and went right and I was like

AJ Adams (38:32)
That shit ain't never go back right. That shit stayed left. That shit stayed left.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (38:35)
It's the hell. They were cool.

they were like, they were talking. All right. So when me and my ex-wife was not talking, we kind of like beefing, she would text her like, Hey, can you tell Seymour to do this? Can you tell Seymour to pay this bill? Or can you tell Seymour to talk to cash? Blah, blah. So she will go to her directly, bypass me and go to her cause she didn't want to talk to me, whatever. So I was like, okay. But yeah.

AJ Adams (39:02)
We know how women do passive aggressive stuff.

Like, come on Seymour, like, come on. You can try to convince yourself as much as you want to. That was bound to be bad. Because think about it. Think about it. If the person she married would have been somebody that y'all was hanging around before. Nigga, no. Like, see your face.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (39:04)
Yeah.

Right.

There ain't no work, ain't no work.

AJ Adams (39:21)
I'm like, nah, that shit ain't gonna work.

That shit ain't gonna work. But man, I appreciate you taking the time to come on here and show how, you know, even if a marriage doesn't work, that has no bearing on raising a child in a proper co-parenting relationship.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (39:40)
Like I said, I live my life through him, man. Like, I have fun. There's times where, I didn't get to do the stuff that he's doing now. Like, I ain't get invited to birthday parties. I ain't get invited to, like, certain events, you know. And then there's times where he's like, hey, I got invited to a birthday party at Sky Zone. I'm like, man, I'm going too. I can have fun myself. I'm going. Like, let's go. Like, I just kind of live, I guess it's like in a childhood of me.

that's coming out and know, near as time we're at, like now, like okay, I'll tell people that I'm not the 80s, 90s parent. I'm that 2000 parent. Like I'll take him to see Ray D'Arbo movies with, we just seen The Strangers, we just saw Tim, we just saw all that stuff. I'll take him to see it, because you I'm different, you know, and my thing is with him is like, I see, all right prime example.

Two weeks ago when he was in school, he said class, right? Where's his girlfriend?

His mother called me and she said, need to talk to your son. I said, what's going on? He said he skipped class. So I talked to him. I said, what's, what happened? He said, I skipped class with my girlfriend. I said, where y'all go? He said, we in the hallway watching Netflix. I chuckled for a second. was like, so y'all watching Netflix on my account? In the hallway? Really? So his mom was upset about it, but I had to.

see the other side. My son is a giver. He's a pleaser. He's like me. He's going to please the other person and sacrifice himself in trouble. And I'm like that as well. My dad is like that. We're both pleasers. We're going to please the other person, make sure the person's okay. So I had to make her look at the other side. Like, listen, you got a little girlfriend.

He wanted to spend time where he's gonna sacrifice. He's growing up. We got small, this is small. He didn't leave the school. He was a runner coming from the classroom. So we have to not get mad at the small stuff and get mad at the big stuff. You know what saying? Okay, he got in trouble, he got detention. Cool, I'll pick him up from school. Even though it's your week, I'll go pick him up. But I had to fake it like I was upset with him. I'm like, Cash, can't be doing that.

pick my makeup from stuff and I was upset but I really was upset. was like, I just saw that he was pleasing, he was trying to please his girlfriend, you know, his girlfriend like, hey, let's go watch Netflix. Cool. His response, I asked him, why did you skip class? He was like, well, I thought the teacher was gonna care. And I had to explain to him like, these teachers are accountable for you so you have to be in class but at same time, I understand what he was doing. Sometimes, as a parent, we can't get upset too quickly.

Sometimes we gotta hear him out. Sometimes we gotta see the other side. He's 11 by the time 12. So I know there's gonna be bigger stuff that he's gonna do that's gonna get him in bigger trouble. But I gotta nip it in the bud quickly. So I gotta keep talking to him. I gotta continue to be there for him. Continue to spend time with him. And sometimes, just talk. His mother, on the other hand, she gets mad quickly. But sometimes I have to like...

I'm he's going to a phase right now.

AJ Adams (42:47)
I'm gonna

tell you, would know, this is what's so messed up about having both genders as children because I'm pretty sure my other homeboys that has nothing but sons will probably agree with you and just roll along with it. But me, because I have a daughter, I would probably went the fuck off because I'm gonna tell you right now, let my little girl, I don't wanna be.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (42:54)
Mm-hmm.

I'm

AJ Adams (43:11)
I don't want to hear none of that shit you talking right now that was my goddamn daughter in the motherfucking hallway with your goddamn son. I don't want to hear none of that shit. You take your little ass in class and you don't ever come to fuck out. What are we talking about? But I mean, I guess with different styles and different things, like, you know, because I'm just looking at it like if it was my daughter, fuck that, fuck that shit. Because think about it, if I would have heard, yeah, she's just sitting there. She's just going through her phase. Fuck.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (43:11)
You

Right. Right.

I got you.

AJ Adams (43:39)
You're gonna have to phase my foot out her ass. Are you? No, absolutely not.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (43:45)
Like I

said, it's different when you have a son and a daughter. Like you more, you're more protected and then with your son, you're like, you're giving him high five. Like, oh, you watching Netflix? That's cute. It's a weird dynamic, but I get what you're I definitely get what you're saying. My thing is like, can't, I don't help my son like I used to.

AJ Adams (43:48)
Yeah.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (44:04)
One, he's making straight, he's making honor roll. Why am I complaining about, why am I like fussing at him when he's making honor roll? He's doing the work, he's doing the school work, he's going to school. And I'm like, gotta, like you said, you gotta pick and choose your battle. And like I said, I can't, like my household growing up, it was toxic. It was toxic. Every day was something new. My mom and my father arguing, you know what saying? It was just so much going on.

AJ Adams (44:16)
You pick and choose your battles. Yeah, I get that.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (44:33)
And that's one of the main reasons why I got the divorce, because we was arguing so much and it was waking him out of sleep. So I had to make a decision like, all right, we're not getting along. We're not seeing eye to eye. I got to make a sacrifice. I live at peace. My house is peaceful. Like I don't invite toxic in my house. I don't invite lot of people in my house at all. I live in peace. And you see my house is quiet and I didn't have it growing up. You know, one, I probably won't get married no time soon.

I probably won't get in relationship no time soon. Due to the fact that I have a house of peace and I don't want to invite somebody in. I don't want to invite another energy in into my house. Like this is my son's safe place. When he comes home from his mother house, he has opportunity to watch his TV, he has the to play his game, he's calm and collected from Saria, it's the son that he's at peace. And he's the same with his mom house. But I just want him to have a safe place.

I made a mistake. Once I got divorced, I invited somebody into the house for a little bit and it was just chaos. I didn't think about him because she had a daughter. Both my son and her daughter were sharing the same room together and I wasn't thinking. I was like, damn, I didn't really think about my son and say, all right, hold on, I'll just go and affect him. So once I saw that it was affecting him, I was like, hey, no.

You move out. You gotta have his own space. once they moved out, once they moved out, you know, it took, he was okay with it. He was a high school. I got my room back. I got my space. And then I revamped his room. I put a lot of stuff in his room. Like I put in the carpet, as you said, this is where we're here. This carpet is TV. No, he's cool. This is a safe place. So.

AJ Adams (46:00)
You gotta go. You and your daughter hit the motherfucking streets.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (46:27)
Right now, I gotta think about him right now at a point. So he's about to be 12. So maybe like a couple more years, I might think about getting married, but not right now. Like I gotta make sure that he's good. I don't wanna, if I get married, I have to be in another house, a bigger house. This is a two-bedroom townhouse. And I wanna make sure that he's okay. So I notice a difference when he come home. He's calm, he does his homework, he goes to bed, peace with me. There's time where he go to bed like at...

10, 11 o'clock at night and I'm like, but I will fuss. I'm like, hey, you know, we gotta get up at 5.30 to go to before care. So make sure you up. And I'm noticing like my long time go off, he already made his breakfast. We got the clothes on, he's gonna brush his teeth. He's waiting for me downstairs. So he's more independent. He's showing me that he's independent and it's like, I don't really do too much. I really don't.

do too much at this age, he's more, he's independent. He do a lot of stuff himself. Me personally, when I come home from work, I do everything at night. So I make his breakfast, I make pancakes. He loves pancakes. I make the pancakes from the night before. I make his lunch. I spoiled him. I'm gonna tell you why I spoiled him, because he doesn't eat school lunch. He hates school lunch.

AJ Adams (47:42)
Bro, listen bro, I had, I have the same, and we are all over the place today, but it's fine. It's all, cause you got them kids make you lose, because, no, because the kids make you lose your mind a little bit. So my son has a thing, apparently with, he loses his lunch box at school all the time. And so his mother says, well, if you lose your lunch box, even though they have multiple at the house, she says, I will not make you school lunch the next day.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (47:49)
We can start to back over again. ⁓

huh.

Yes, I'm gonna do that too.

AJ Adams (48:10)
Well, apparently this motherfucker goes on a starvation tour or something and says, well, I'm just not going to eat school lunch and doesn't eat the school lunch. And they ended up calling the goddamn house about it. He's not wanting to eat. then I said, this motherfucker will never have another meal. He probably would have to ask for a box from school lunch to take home to eat for dinner. I would not make him another damn meal after showing out like that. Like, no.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (48:33)
What you making

for lunch then? What you making for lunch? Cause my son go to school.

AJ Adams (48:37)
Me?

he get school lunch when he goes, when daddy got to drop you off, you get what they have at the school.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (48:44)
So his mother is different. His mother, it flips. Like his mom is more the disciplinary and I'm more the soft parent. Like she told him like, I ain't making no more school lunches. You gotta eat the school lunch at school. When he come over, he's having pork chops, shrimp, chicken. I'm making like a whole meal. Like I said, I spoil my son. I don't know what it is. Like I spoil him so much.

AJ Adams (48:59)
Yeah, yeah, you wanted it. Yeah. ⁓

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (49:10)
It's crazy, but I love it. I love the fact that I can provide and do this for him. So he's going to school with a glass container. He got his little water, his knife and fork, his pork chop, his rice, his vegetables. And the kids, the parent, I mean, the teacher's calling me like, hey, what you, what you made at cash for lunch? Can can you make that for the other kids? I'm like, no, not the other kids. I'm like, not doing that. They're like, oh, you can bring lunch for us? I'm like, no, no.

AJ Adams (49:39)
Well, look, I'm gonna get you out of here on this. A hit bit of advice. Like you told me, like you asked me about being single out here. If you're out here single, and you're doing all this stuff for your kid, you know it's a dangerous game out there. Somebody's gonna try to move in. So. ⁓

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (49:57)
Let me tell you

42.

F42

I can't make that mistake no more. At 42, you're much wiser, but you want peace at 42. My block list is, I got a high block list on my phone.

I got it anytime somebody disrupt my peace as you know the book called Protect your peace by women shelter nothing. I've got his name But anybody Disturbed your peace I'll block them you know I'm all about energy if your energy is not good. I can't bite into my house. You know saying

AJ Adams (50:15)
Bye now.

privilege of having a good co-parent. Because if my pizza's disturbed, I can't block a goddamn thing.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (50:34)
Mm-hmm. ⁓

Really? You entertaining me right now?

But you gotta understand, we two single brothers, educated, I mean, I don't know about your family, you seem like you're doing good for yourself. I have watched you over the years. I have watched you.

We've been cool since high school, right? And you always had this, don't be offended by what I said, but it goes into a good positive way. You've always been cocky, right? But I knew why you was cocky, because you knew your shit. You knew your shit. Some people can be cocky if you don't know their shit. But you had a plan.

AJ Adams (50:57)
Maybe we old, yeah.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (51:18)
You know, you told me you planning to have him like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. When I met you and then I saw you at Love Nightclub and you said, be there with your fraternity brothers, right? You had a plan there, you were like, all right, this is my plan, I'm gonna do this. And I watched you through Facebook, I watched you through Instagram, and I was like, everything that he said, he's gonna call it if he did it. And you know what I'm I give you flowers, brother.

AJ Adams (51:42)
I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Nah, didn't, I'll tell you what I didn't say. Was having a kid right before I turned 40.

Seymour Phillip Sinclair (51:51)
⁓

AJ Adams (51:54)
But I appreciate

it, man.